The Blank Slate
by disneylover3212008
Summary: Ashleigh Crawford awakens in Fury's office with no memories and a strange tattoo on her arm telling her she needs to join someone named Coulson. She's pretty sure she's an Agent with a purpose, but is nowhere to be found in any database. She will now travel with the team trying to figure out just what the hell is going on and what she's meant to do to "save him". AU Series Fitz/OC
1. Prologue

**The Blank Slate**

 _Prologue_

I was pretty positive the handcuffs were completely unnecessary. I mean I obviously wasn't planning on going anywhere. I wanted answers just as much as all the people I was positive were scrutinizing me through the two-way glass behind me. But apparently all it takes is spontaneously and mysteriously appearing in Nick Fury's office to label yourself a threat to S.H.I.E.L.D. worthy of interrogation in a tiny room with an obnoxiously bright light while handcuffed to the desk.

I was so busy staring at the handcuffs and my hands that I didn't hear her enter until the electronic tablet was placed on the table. But what else could one expect from the legendary Maria Hill? There was certainly a reason the Director valued her as much as he did. And I realized I somehow knew that information. That was new. She was the first person I had recognized since I got here. The metal chair scraped across the floor as she took a seat across from me, dressed in a blue uniform with an eagle emblem emblazoned on the sleeve. She was clearly giving her best intimidating glare as she pulled something up on her tablet. I'm sure it had brought many men to their knees over the years, but I simply stared right back at her. I had nothing to hide. I was literally a blank slate and they would know it if they took even a minute to hear my side of things.

"Here's what's going to happen," she began, voice like steel cutting through you. "You are going to tell me who you are, how you got into the most secure office in possibly the world, and why the hell you were there in the first place. There are no other options. There are no second chances. Talk," she commanded.

"Are you sure it's okay?" I shot back. "Because every time I've attempted some goon has hit me over the head and threatened me to keep quiet. It hasn't been very polite and I'm definitely considering leaving a negative word at the door." Wow. Snark. Huh. I hadn't been expecting that to come out of my mouth- and judging by her look neither had Maria Hill. But then I felt my mouth just keep going as if possessed. "I will add it to constant manhandling with inappropriate touching, rooms that seriously need a dimmer switch, and the fact that my hand is chafing from these handcuffs." With those words, I learned more about myself than I had for the past two hours being stuck here.

Maria merely leaned forward slightly. "I'm not going to repeat myself," she made clear, reiterating the control she had over the situation. I felt my mouth wanting to run again, but I quickly held it in check. I wasn't going to get anywhere like that.

"Would you believe me if I said I had no idea… about any of it?" I offered, leaning forward over the desk to close some of the distance. I need to appear nonchalant to even have a shot at her believing me. "At this point, I'm lucky that I remember my name." It had been the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up instantly followed by the very scary and real thought that it was the only thing that came to my mind… at least in regards to myself.

"And what would that be?" Hill inquired coldly. She clearly didn't believe me but was starting wherever she could. She was lucky I was in the giving mood right now.

"Agent Ashleigh Crawford of S.H.I.E.L.D."

She was glaring at me again. "S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't employ anyone with that name in any version of our records. I highly recommend you stop lying before this interview turns painful in other ways."

"That is who I am. It is literally the only thing I remember, so I'm choosing to believe it's the truth. It has to be. Thus I have no idea why Director Fury found me unconscious in his office. I don't remember going there. I couldn't even find my way there now. I don't know why I was there. I don't even in this moment know what my hair color is. I'm close to freaking out about that, I admit, but I haven't been able to check with these accessories you gave me," I flashed the handcuffs. "All I have is Agent Ashleigh Crawford of S.H.I.E.L.D."

Agent Hill glanced down at the tablet for a long minute before looking up at me again. "And if what you're saying is true, what do you think happened?" I must have looked dumbstruck. "If you're supposedly an Agent here, then I would expect you to be able to figure it out."

"You believe me?" I questioned. It couldn't be this easy.

"I never believe anything anyone says. I do, however, believe the lie detector in your handcuffs," she held up the tablet to reveal my vitals. And here I had been thinking I might just have had a trustworthy face or something. I couldn't recall what it looked like. For all I knew it might have been the ugly kind someone just really wanted to punch. I needed a mirror stat at this point. But the handcuffs kept me stuck facing forward along with revealing every breath. Leave it to S.H.I.E.L.D. to have all the fun toys. "Why do you think you're here?" she repeated, slower.

"I'm sorry. My train of thought went off the rails. It's been a really weird- you don't care," I guessed from her gaze. "Okay. I have a working theory, actually. Someone, possibly myself- I'm not ruling that out, really wanted to get your attention." She waited for me to continue, but I merely shrugged. I had nothing else really to offer. I certainly didn't remember anything at least. I don't get why she felt it necessary to glare. It was as good a guess as any. "Showing up in the Director's office seems like a pretty good way to do that," I felt I needed to add. "It certainly got me a quick appointment with you."

"Showing up while all the cameras and microphones have been disabled might take it to a whole new level," she added after a beat before turning the tablet around. It displayed the room I vaguely remembered- big chair and desk in front of a large window, time speeding through the night without a sign of anyone. Then it all went dark for less than a minute in real time before cutting back in again with a figure in the middle of the carpet. Or more accurately an unconscious me in the middle of the carpet. I tried to get a look at my possibly punch-worthy face, but she had the tablet pulled away before I could. "All we have is some weird energy readings from the room in that moment. We have a department looking at it. You honestly have no idea how you got there?" she reiterated.

"You know I don't. I would have cracked the moment I walked in if I had. You're too terrifying to not to." I leaned back a little in the chair. "I don't have a lot going on up there in terms of memories, but for some reason you're the first person who looks even a hint familiar. I know not to cross you… somehow."

"Why do you think someone went to this much trouble for your attention?"

Ah, the big moment. "I also have a working theory on that one. If you would be so kind as to pull up my right sleeve?" I was lucky to have a few moments before security arrived in the office to notice my arm and quickly hid it with what appeared to be a hideous long-sleeved red flannel shirt. I seemed to have a whole lumberjack look going on with thick brown boots and jean, though something told me this wasn't my style in the slightest. Would it be rude to ask for a change of clothes in an interrogation scenario?

Agent Hill silenced my train of thought by harshly yanking up the sleeve, making me wince in pain. She found it quickly enough and I just watched her stare in disbelief for a long moment. "It's red and raw so it has to be new. Like yesterday new," I deduced. "I have no idea what it means or why I got it. You can check your tablet on that." I looked up to see she was somehow more serious which seemed impossible, but also more somber. She was no longer trying to intimidate me but seemed… concerned.

"Do you recognize that name?" she asked, voice betraying just a bit of emotion. "Do you know what happened?"

I shook my head, but knew I needed to add the detail. Something in my brain screamed to me that it was important. "I have a word that comes to me when I look at it. It just pops into my brain. But it's stupid and makes no sense." Her look told me I wasn't getting out of here until I said it. "It's Tahiti."

With that, she exited the room. I waited patiently, staring at it and hoping something else would come to me. I really wanted something to come to me. The date. What my job actually was in what I guessed to be a pretty secret organization. If I had a boyfriend. The important stuff. But all I got was a vacation destination.

She was back in a few minutes with a few other agents. "We're going to move you into a cell-room for the night. The Director needs some time to think this one over." My wrists were released from the handcuffs and I was roughly pulled to my feet. "Nothing changes the fact that our records show you're not employed here. Why and how you have that very classified information… we need to figure that out."

"I'll be looking forward to the answer as much as you, Agent Hill." I started to be led out the door, but not before wildly turning to get a glance in the mirror. It wasn't a face that should be punched at all, at least in my humble opinion. In fact, I almost looked like I could be a model it was so symmetric. My eyes were a bright blue and my lips were pencil thin. I had to be younger, younger than Hill at least. And it was blonde. A natural blonde too from the looks of it. I thankfully knew now I was a blonde though my hair currently looked like a frizzy train wreck sticking up at all angles. Check off one question from my brain. It only left like a million to go.

I was led down the sprawling corridors before being deposited in what I assumed to be one of the nicer rooms judging by the fact it had a mattress with a pillow. I'm sure some don't even get that. They left me in the sterile white room without a second glance and I felt the sound of the lock behind me. "Alone at last," I said lightly to the empty room, though I knew for sure there had to be at least two cameras locked on me right now. "Just me and my thoughts."

I suppose it hadn't really hit me yet until that moment, and when it did it nearly choked me. I didn't know who I was. Like I literally had no idea about anything- my favorite color, where I lived, if I had a family. I couldn't remember my family- not a single face. I couldn't remember anything that got me to this point- school, training, or even just growing up. I knew what a bike was, but I couldn't remember if I ever had one. It was like I was empty, hollow. I had everything removed from me and I couldn't find it. But I had the sense it had been on purpose- I had chosen this. Something had made me agree to have this happen. But I might have been wrong about that because right now Current Me had no freaking idea why Past Me would ever agree to this. It quite frankly sucked… a lot.

I perched myself on the bed, drawing my knees up to my chin and wrapping my arms around them. Something told me I must have did this often when I was upset judging by the comfort it gave me despite this whole crazy situation. My eyes drifted to my arm, sleeve still rolled up, and the fresh tattoo with its two line of cursive scrawl emblazoned on my forearm. I still didn't have the faintest idea what they meant, but I hoped I had when I decided to permanently emblazon my skin with them. Hopefully Past Me had done it with an important purpose and not just on some drunken bender with my roommates. Or at least I hoped I was the first kind of person. I had no way of being sure at this point after all. All I could do was hope, because it seemed like someone was counting on me. Really counting on me.

 _Join Coulson's team._

 _You need to save him._


	2. His One Good Eye

_His One Good Eye_

It was pretty much a sleepless night. I would love to blame the mattress and the quality of care I was receiving, but it really boiled down to the fact that my brain was refusing to shut up. Even with not much in it, it just kept going in this endless loop of trying to figure out whatever the hell was going on. So I just eventually gave up, counting the number of tiles on the ceiling as I pondered my being part of a secret government organization. Which was awesome, but somehow I got the inkling there was no way I was that cool. I didn't feel like a spy at least. Then again, what does being a spy really feel like if you're always trying to bury the fact you are one? Something to ask a proper spy once I meet them I suppose.

I sat up instantly the moment I heard the door open, trying to smooth out the rat's nest on my head that was my hair. I needed to at least attempt to appear presentable, especially if I wanted to get sprung from this place. "It looks like you haven't been getting much sleep," the man who walked in quipped. He was tall and dressed all in black- including a very awesome black coat that billowed out just right when he walked. I had to get me one of those. He also had an eyepatch that only served to make him look more awesome and intimidating; everything about him honestly just screamed how cool he was and gave me an instant respect for him. Maybe it was something that was already there.

"The fact that there are one hundred and forty-two ceiling tiles in this room should answer that question," I fired back. Then I felt compelled to add, "Sir."

He raised an eyebrow with a hint of a smirk. "I'd like to say that if you were an Agent you wouldn't run your mouth like that at the Director, but then I'd be forgetting Barton." Oh boy. This was him… this was Director Fury. This was THE Director Fury. Something in my brain went off like a shot at the realization. I was instantly on my feet, standing as straight as I could.

"I'm sorry… sir. I didn't realize who you were."

He looked me over, but I tried to keep from staring at him. "No. It just appears you have a habit of showing up in my office without my knowledge." He nodded towards my arm and I instantly extended it towards him. I wasn't sure why I was being so compliant, but I was choosing to see it as having a good relationship with the man who was my boss. Though he didn't seem to recognize me at all… this was worrying. "It also appears you have the quite the flare for the dramatic."

"You're telling me," I responded with a small smile. "I just hope Past Me knew what she was doing, because as of right now I am stuck with this with absolutely no idea what it means. I apparently really wanted you attention sir."

He gestured for me to sit on the bed and I did so, rolling my sleeve back down. "Well you have it," he told me as he sat on the small metal chair that was also in the room. "You also have my curiosity, Ms. Crawford. You are nowhere to be found- even in our 'off the book' records." So the one thing I remembered about myself was a lie? Fantastic. "But I cannot take away the fact that for some reason you believe you are. And that you of all people made your way into my office without sounding any alarm with that message. So we're going to run some… tests."

Well, this sounded like it was going to suck. "Tests?" I asked, trying to hide my fear but being severely unsuccessful.

"Don't worry. They don't involve strapping you down to a table and sticking you with a needle, Ms. Crawford. We simply plan to put you through the training various types of Agents here would have. The hope is to find where and if you fit in." He rose. "Then we can figure out what to do with you from there- where we're comfortable placing you."

Somehow I could see right through his mystery. "You know what it means," I deduced, nodding towards the arm. "You know who Coulson is and who his team is. And you want to see what exactly I can do that can contribute to saving 'him'. What I'm meant to do." He just stared at me, but I knew I was right. I needed to be sized up and the sooner the better. Apparently this Coulson meant a lot to people from how serious everyone was taking it.

"I know who his team is going to be." Wait, what? Going to be? Like future tense? "Which is exactly why you raise some red flags." He started for the door, but not before one last look at me over his shoulder. "Someone will be in shortly to get you started. Best of luck to you."

"Thank you, Director. I'll try not to let you down."

"Seeing as I have no expectations, I don't see how you can." And with that he was gone.

I turned to where I knew one of the cameras had to be and just sighed in exasperation. "Now that was just rude, right?" Of course there was no response, but I nodded. "Thank you!" I answered the silence before falling back on the bed, prepared to wait it out for whoever was sent to fetch me.

Maybe there was nothing to any of this I questioned as I glanced at the camera I had just had a conversation with. Maybe I was just certifiably insane.

XXX

My next two weeks were hell to say the least. First of all, they kept me in the same wardrobe I had arrived in- even after I was allowed a customary shower daily. I kind of wanted to set the flannel on fire at this point. I had to wake up at the crack of dawn, or at least I thought it was since I never saw a window, and go bed only after a full day of being pushed to my limits. Then I would do it again. I also had to keep my hair down, despite the fact that it would be so much more convenient if I was allowed a rubber band at the very least. I promised up and down I wouldn't use it as a weapon to pick a lock or rig and escape device like MacGyver, but Hill would merely glare at me. These were the important things about those couple weeks, because it sucked trying to do the things they were putting me through with blonde locks flying about the place, and I was starting to get the feeling she wasn't letting me have one on purpose. It was pure sabotage.

Not that I needed to be sabotaged, because I sucked. At everything. I'm not even kidding- literally every area an Agent could specialize in I had no clue what I was doing. You'd think whatever the hell I did to my memories was so I could at least keep that information because, you know, it would be useful. Either that or the crazy lady who just randomly tattooed herself theory was starting to gain more traction.

The first few days they made the mistake of handing me a gun. I learned very quickly I had not been versed in firearms, and it got to the point they made sure the room was cleared before sending me in there. I apparently hit a plaque of records on one of the walls that was going to get two people very pissed at me- the firearms records were all under Romanoff and the other weaponry Barton. I got better as anyone did with practice, but it was clear I did not have the muscle memory when it came to hitting dead center. But if you needed someone to potentially shoot a guy in the foot one should look no further. Any other weapon, not so much. Knives were beyond me in every sense and I don't know the loser who uses a bow and arrow anymore but I wasn't one.

The next week was pretty much spent learning that I sucked at fighting. They even sent in some new recruits in that had been late to training who spent the time letting me hit them in an attempt to do damage. I could throw an alright punch when the target was completely still- and even that was after some coaxing. But once they were moving not so much. I was pretty physically fit and could keep up in terms of sprints and push-ups, but I was too tiny to be much of a threat in combat. Hill always lectured me about how size didn't matter, but it so did. There was no way someone 5'7'' could take down a 6'2'' bulky gentleman. Absolutely no way I'm telling you. She's just a big fat liar who wanted to get me killed. I'd tell her that and she'd merely roll her eyes and say I'd see one day. In the meanwhile, I learned I was obviously not saving this person by fighting off his assassin.

Then they had the brilliant idea to put me in a lab. I saw a body and almost threw up on the spot. I was too afraid to even attempt mixing some chemicals because I was pretty positive I was going to end up killing myself. They gave me some blueprints and told me to build it, but I merely managed in setting the place on fire. I'd like to think that whoever I was had been a smart person, but clearly it was not in this respect. At this point I doubted I could properly work a toaster.

I also knew nothing about S.H.I.E.L.D. They put me through endless classes about levels and tactics, but nothing came close to ringing any sort of bell. They lectured me on history and some big battle in New York that had managed to change everything. They were left at beyond a loss when I couldn't even recall who Tony Stark was, let alone his persona of Iron Man. I even managed to fall asleep during some of the videos, which only earned me more laps.

So I was useless as a spy. Literally useless. I had no instincts for anything S.H.I.E.L.D. related. I would lie in bed, exhausted, and ponder why I ever thought I was an Agent. Clearly I had received no training. Clearly the last thing I had left in my brain was a lie. I don't know why Past Me had felt it was necessary to keep, unless she just had a really dark sense of humor. Well the joke was on you Past Me, because you were currently sporting the same bruises as Present Me. It also in a lot of ways really ground down my self-esteem and confidence. Here I thought I had deleted everything for this purpose, this thing I was meant to do. But it was starting to seem like that wasn't the case. It was a lie. And if my purpose was a lie, then what was I supposed to do?

I always kept the sleeve down whenever I was out of the room, but every night I would glance at it and run my fingers over the words. I was really sorry for whoever this guy was. They were clearly going to die. They, whoever they were if there was one, had clearly sent the wrong person for the job.

XXX

So two weeks later I was waiting for Hill to literally laugh in my face the next time I was in that interrogation room I swore was on the sun from the bright light. I was completely defeated and worn down in every respect- mentally and physically. At least I wasn't handcuffed this time- probably because they realized I wasn't even a threat to a rabbit. And that I basically telegraphed every lie with my eyes so the detector wasn't even necessary. They'd learned that one pretty easily and put that in the column for why I totally wasn't a spy.

She had the tablet once again when she entered. She went to speak, but I made sure to get in there first. "Please, spare me the details. Just tell me you found out where I live so I can go home and stop wasting your time." She just stared at me, so I decided to just admit it. Maybe that was all she had been looking for this whole time. "I'm not Agent Crawford, okay? I'm just some girl who's obviously very screwed up in her brain." She just kept staring, and I just wanted to crawl under the table. "There. I said it. Now get me out of this prison."

"Agent Coulson is assembling his team this week and we want to put you in it," she responded calmly. I nearly fell over in my chair and I swear it made her almost smile.

"You're joking, right? I know you're not usually one for the jokes, but I always thought there was a comedian trapped away- you're serious?"

"I am. The Director has reviewed everything and made the call himself." She softened just the slightest as she continued. "You see, Agent Coulson means a lot to him… to all of us. He has been through a rough recovery and we want to protect him in every way we can. Director Fury would do almost anything to ensure that. That includes in allowing you to fulfill whatever you believe your purpose to be. You apparently believed in it so much you made it permanent."

My sleeve was down, but I pulled it down ever further. "So you want me to protect him when I will merely succeed in probably getting us both killed?" I felt a need to reiterate. "Because we've seen there's nothing-"

"Director Fury is deciding to trust you and your situation," she interrupted, apparently not in the mood for attending my pity party. "That is huge and you should see the value in that. He's choosing to see your lack of training as a plus."

I couldn't help but smirk. "How so?"

"Obviously if you do turn out to be false, there's no way you have the capability to hurt any of them. Except by maybe blowing up the coffee machine by accident one morning." Oh, she loved this. I could tell. She turned her attention to her tablet. "You in a way were self-fulfilling though." She spun the tablet around so I could look at it.

It was a picture of my self- a very unflattering one that had to have been taken with a security camera- along with details and a serial number. "I'm an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." I smiled. "Level Six too. Not bad."

"We had to fix it up a bit, so you would appear desirable. You've been on a few missions and have a skill set that involves seeing the things that others miss in people and situations. That's why he'll want you and it should keep you out of some… intense situations." I nodded, honestly getting excited at the idea of having a secret identity- a badass alter ego who was a spy after all. A good-looking spy.

She abruptly pulled the tablet away, causing me to look back up at her. "There are a few things that need to be made clear. You are not to tell anyone your unique situation. No one sees that tattoo. No one knows about your memory. We have a backstory for you to review. There will be one member of the team in the loop, but they will make themselves known to you and not the other way around." I nodded seriously, honestly not wanting to be the group freak. I could do this. I could keep a secret. I could play it cool. "You are to report to them with anything out of the ordinary- memories, inklings, anything that may be important. They will report them to Director Fury. You don't tell anyone else. Are we clear?" I so far hadn't experienced the return of any memories, but it wasn't being counted out as a possibility just yet.

"Crystal," I vowed, hand up dramatically. I was suddenly back in this, committed and ready to go on a big adventure. I could just sense it was what I was meant to do- that my proposed purpose wasn't steering my wrong. "Not a single one of them is going to know I'm an amnesiac sent to save one of the gentlefolk's lives with absolutely no clue how to do so. I will prove to the Director he made the right call on all accounts."

I swear Hill had a hint of a smile as she rose and dismissed me back to my cell for the last night. Maybe she didn't hate me after all. She was entrusting me with someone who was clearly very important to her and the Director. She was taking the chance on me for him. Maybe part of her was actually going to miss me after all.

Then when I was stuck once again with the same clothes and no ponytail I realized how ridiculous that notion truly was.

XXX

The next morning, I said a goodbye to my cell. Tears were shed and memories were reflected upon. I was now waiting in the chair of another room, though this one seemed much more dim and calm like an office. There was an empty chair next to me and another across a long table that I figured was for Hill. She had dropped me off here and vowed to return in less than an hour with a person of interest. She wanted Coulson to speak to the both of us together and save some time. He had apparently loved my fake alibi when Hill talked me up and insisted we meet.

I had finally been allowed a change of clothes. They had offered me one of the suits like Hill always wore, but I opted to be more casual. If my skill was fitting in to decipher things, then I needed to look the part. I had opted for a green and silver striped button-up sweater (long-sleeved to cover you know what) with a brown cami underneath, a darker pair of jeans, and sneakers. I somehow felt more like myself, whoever that was, and it was giving more confidence for this whole thing. I could pull this off. Clearly Past Me thought I could. I even managed to convince them to let me tie my hair back- been provided a real ponytail holder and everything.

I was started to get bored when the door opened and an Agent ushered a man inside. He was exactly what I pictured when the word "Agent" came to mind- a tall, clean cut man with dark hair in an impeccable suit without a crease. He even has the striped tie that tried to make him less intimidating, but failed miserably. He could honestly give James Bond a run for his money easily.

He took the seat next to me, not even sparing me a glance. He just looked forward intensely, like a guard dog just waiting for the order to attack. It was intense and sort of creepy. Being an Agent must mean you don't have any sense of decorum of manners and I wasn't quite sure I was a fan. I never wanted to end up this uptight at all.

Maybe he was just shy. I turned to face him, hand extended. "I'm Agent Ashley Crawford," I tried politely, but I barely even received a nod. Fine. Screw you too, buddy. I'll just study the map in front of us.

Hill arrived a few moments later, impeccable as always, and took the seat across from us. I knew it was time to switch into spy mode for real now. I had to be serious and play this part- this jerk being the first one I had to convince. She looked the both of us over. "I wanted to thank you both on your respective mission work. You've done this organization quite the service." He nodded and I shrugged. I would be the type who let praise roll of them. It wasn't why I did this. "You've recently grabbed our attention, hence why we called you here." Her focus then turned to me. "What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for, Agent Crawford?"

Here we go. At least it was a softball. "Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division," I rattled off, respectful but bored with the question. She nodded and turned her attention to the gentleman.

"And what does that mean to you, Agent Ward?"

"It means someone really wanted our initials to spell S.H.I.E.L.D." he offered with just a hint of a smirk. I nearly snorted but held myself together. So he did have a sense of humor after all. Maybe I couldn't write him off as a complete robot yet. "It means we're the line," he continued, when Hill refused to see the obvious humor in the comment, "between the world and the much weirder world."

"Some people aren't ready to hear about things we know," I added, trying to support him. "So we try to keep the news from them… protect them. Then we keep them safe if we can't." He turned to look at me as if noticing me for the first time, quickly sizing me up with his brown eyes. I don't think I weighed very highly as he instantly turned back.

He reached into his jacket. "Something turns up… like this Chitauri neural link," he produced a weird metal thing and held it up, "we get to it before someone bad does." He slid it across the table to Hill, before turning his head towards me as she grabbed it and walked over to an Agent with a box. "Next time, let me handle my question, okay?" Wow. So much for solidarity here.

"I'll see if I can keep my mouth shut," I whispered back angrily and I meant it. He felt like he didn't need my help? Fine. I wouldn't offer it.

"Any idea who Vanchat was planning to sell it to?" Hill asked as she placed it in the box and the Agent headed out with it.

"I'm more interested in how this Rising Tide group found out about it," Ward countered. Ah, that was one of the names that had been thrown around in my lectures. I tried to remember, but leave it to him to perfectly and annoyingly answer the unasked question. "I thought they were just hackers. What changed?"

Hill made her way over to us, hands on her hips. "Everything's changing," she answered as she paced around us, hands on her hips. "A little while ago, most people went to bed thinking the craziest thing in the world was a billionaire in a flying metal suit." Iron Man! I understood the reference and silently patted myself on the back for it. "The aliens invaded New York and were beaten back by, among others, a giant green monster, a costumed hero from the '40s, and a god."

"I don't think Thor's technically a god," Ward disagreed.

I elbowed him harshly. "Well, I don't think you've been near his arm like Hill has then." I then realized my mistake in addressing her so casually, but she seemed to go along with my comment rather than finding it disrespectful and chewing me out- though I'm sure Ward would have loved that from the glare he shot me.

"This, now, is the new world," Hill continued. "People are different. They have access to tech, to formulas, secrets they're not ready for."

"Why was I pulled out of Paris?" Ward questioned, sick of Hill waxing poetic. I was too though honestly, so I was glad one of us said something to get the ball rolling. Maybe Ward had his redeeming features deep underneath. I hoped I found more of them, because right now I wasn't too enthusiastic if he ended up being the one I had to save. I'm not saying I'd leave him to it… I just might think about it for a bit first.

"Yes," I added, trying to appear clueless. "Why was I pulled out of…Budapest?" I went with the first thing that came to mind.

"That, you'll have to ask Agent Coulson." Finally!

Ward almost snorted next to me, giving Hill a condescending smile that I kind of wanted to knock right off him. "Uh, yeah. I'm clearance level six. I know that Agent Coulson was killed in action before the Battle of New York. Got the full report." I was tempted to correct him, but quickly remembered I needed to be in the same boat he was. So I settled for nodding at Ward, giving Hill a questioning look.

"Welcome to Level Seven," a new voice said as it rounded the hallway. A man in a suit emerged from the shadows with a faint smile on his face. Ward was instantly on his feet in bafflement and confusion, the dummy, but I couldn't help but just stare at him. I instantly knew who he was and I didn't know how to explain it but I definitely had to know him. We had to have some sort of relationship. There was no way else I was put so at ease and comfortable with someone these days. Maria Hill I had recognized, this man I knew somewhere in my brain I knew. I just didn't quite know how yet.

He looked us both over, but my thoughts were thrown into question when he showed no sign of recognizing me. Maybe I was wrong and we didn't know each other. But I just felt like we had to. There were a lot of weird emotions pulsing through me in those few moments, the moment I had been waiting for since I woke up, and I almost missed what he said next, self-deprecating smile on his face. "Sorry. That corner was really dark, and I couldn't help myself. I think there's a bulb out."

Know him or not, in that one quip I knew instantly I was going to like Agent Coulson a lot. I was ready to be part of whatever team he wanted me for. Just tell where did I have to sign up?


	3. Meet the Team

_Meet the Team_

After his dramatic reveal, which was still awesome especially because it left Ward with his jaw on the floor, Coulson had announced himself to be a more walk-and-talk guy then an office type. I instantly fell in beside him as we navigated the hallways of the building, allowing me to see more in a few moments then I had my entire visit here. I was just taking it all in as we arrived at a set of glass doors with wide eyes, which Coulson seemed to notice and smile at.

Ward had tagged behind us at a distance and was a lot more… questioning. Though I suppose it wasn't his fault he was literally the only one out of the loop at the moment- whether he knew it or not. "Director Fury faked you death to motivate the Avengers," he finally seemed to catch up with the program and recover. I couldn't help but send him a 'duh' look.

"Well, the death of a common ally is a particularly effective team builder," Hill informed us. I knew that was the official story, but there was something else to it. No one would tell me what it is, but I knew something else was going on beneath the surface here. It was part of the reason they thought I might be important.

"Say 'cheese'," a disembodies female voice said as we were all briefly scanned, badges flashing on the screen next to the doors. I got a little tense only to let out a sigh of relief when mine flashed by without issue and the door became unlocked. I looked at Hill out of the corner of my eye, but she refused to acknowledge me.

"Plus, it wasn't that much of a stretch," Coulson continued as we stepped in to where dozens of Agents were running about every which way. "I stopped breathing for about forty seconds."

"Wow," I spoke up unconsciously, earning all eyes on me. Something about that just made my heart skip a beat. "I'm sorry. That just sounds… intense. I'm glad you're still with us… sir," I added sincerely. I realized I was being too emotional, for some reason, and sought to recover. "I've heard a lot of good things." He gave me a brief pat on the shoulder and a smile, but Hill merely rolled her eyes.

"Don't let him- eight seconds. It gets longer every time you tell it," she lectured him.

"Yeah, well, you get shanked by the Asgardian Mussolini, you can tell it your way." He gave my shoulder one last squeeze before he kept walking, eyes still on me. "I was looking at the big white light and it felt like a lot longer than eight seconds is all I'm saying." I went to agree with him as we pinned badges to our shirts, but Ward chose this moment of connection to cut in of course. The jerk.

"Do they know?" he asked. "The Avengers. That Fury played them?" Well, I suppose it was a fair question. Still, he needed to learn to work on his timing.

"They're not Level Seven," Hill answered simply as we started walking again.

"I got out of the I.C.U. and Fury stuck me in a grass shack in Tahiti." At those words, I instantly stopped in my tracks, hand going to my mouth. No way. There was absolutely no way I could have known that. I had thought it was just some stupid thing. My eyes went to my arm and I was half-tempted to roll it up and stare at the words again just to check. But before I could do anything Hill roughly gave a tug of my arm, trying to get me to catch up before either noticed my delay. I pulled my reeling self together and gave her a significant look to which she gave the briefest of nods. Tahiti was important and my knowing about it meant something huge.

"I wished someone might have mentioned that so I could play it cool," I whispered to Hill as we entered a room filled with computers and a screen broadcasting something Coulson and Ward were watching. "That might have been important information."

"There was no need to tell you," she countered, not intimidated by me in the slightest. "It's not relevant to the mission at hand."

"What is Tahiti really?" I questioned harshly. She wasn't doing this to me. If I was supposed to whatever my job was I needed to understand what I remembered. Because there was a reason I had picked that detail to remember. "Because with how you reacted I doubt now it's just a recovery vacation-"

"Agent Coulson has requisitioned a mobile command unit," Hill addressed the room, now completely ignoring me, "to which the two of you have been assigned." I had to keep myself from saying anything else-having enough decorum to know this wasn't the time and place. But I gave her a look that showed her I wasn't giving up that easily. I was getting to the bottom of this no matter what she did.

Coulson grabbed two white classified folders from a desk. "Rising Tide is trying to draw us out. I think it's time they succeeded."

"You want me to cross them off?" Ward asked bluntly. Whoa. Somebody really needed to take a chill pill… like as soon as possible. He seemed to notice how I was staring at him in shock, but he returned his attention to Coulson.

Coulson seemed to be in the same boat I was though, looking a bit put off by Mr. Spy Man's offer. "Wow. No. I want to use them to get to him," he informed us, nodding towards the man cradling a woman on screen after jumping out of a building. Hill had showed me the footage yesterday, said it was what finally made Coulson put everything together… I think she had called him a Gifted? "This man's world it about to get very weird. He's gonna' need some help."

"I'm in," I said instantly, earning a smile from Coulson that filled me with just a hint of pride.

"I figured you would be, Agent Crawford." He opened the first folder. "Agent Hill showed me her detailed assessment of your last couple missions. Not bad for five years. Combat and espionage could be better for sure, but the people skills tell me you want to help people in any way you can."

I shrugged, but honestly this time I swear. "It's all I seem to know how to do." I looked at the picture of the man on the screen. "I'm willing to do whatever you need me to so I can help him… and you." I seemed to have won him over, judging by the way he looked as if we had just sealed a very good deal. I was in.

"I'm sorry," Ward cut in, feeling a need to once again break up our bonding moment. "She may be meant for this, but I was trained from day one as a specialist. I go in alone. I get it done. Defusing a nuclear bomb… I'm your guy." I couldn't help but roll my eyes and drop into one of the nearby seats. "A welcoming committee?" he questioned with a glance over at me before inhaling sharply. "Not my speed."

Should I be offended? I feel like I should be offended by that. I gave a look at another Agent in the room pointing at Ward while he continued to speak with Coulson with an eye roll. The man nearly shrugged back at me, but the woman next to him gave me a nod of confirmation. "Thank you!" I mouthed, happy I wasn't the only one who saw what a piece of work this guy was. I get the whole lone wolf mentality he seemed to be working, but we're on the same team man. You don't need to take cheap shots. We would be having words later I assure you.

My attention was drawn away from the speech I was planning to give Ward on the meaning of teamwork when a darker skinned man in a coat entered the room. "Team's approved," he told Coulson, giving me the briefest of glances. "Physicals are all fine." Ah, another hoop Hill must have had to jump through for me. Obviously this guy wasn't a fan of lying about his job if one went by the look he had given me. "Fitz-Simmons is not cleared for combat. I'm told that won't be an issue." Coulson nodded in agreement. Must be our tech person then I figured. "Agent Crawford should be just fine for what is required of her." I sensed a little bile in his voice, but luckily no one else seemed to so maybe it was just me. "Agent Ward here… he's almost too fit."

I couldn't help but snort at that, earning the attention of the room. "Sorry. It's just obvious who your choice for Man Crush Monday-"

"That's an issue," Ward cut in, blatantly ignoring me at this point. He was clearly still not feeling the whole… team thing. "That should be an issue. Maybe I can't join the team."

"God, you are both dismissed," Hill grumbled at the two of us. I knew better than to argue so I headed straight for the door, followed by Ward after he failed to get a few more words in. We proceeded in silence the way we came, but I had learned pretty quickly I wasn't good at keeping my mouth shut.

"I get it," I began. "You're not a 'team' guy. But there's still just having proper manners when someone else is speaking. It's just called being respectful of others. I mean you learn that one in kindergarten."

"It's hard to show that when I do not in fact respect you."

"Excuse me?!"

"I know exactly what kind of Agent you are. You rank high only in people skills? You obviously don't take this seriously," he nodded at my clothes. "You just go in and run your mouth while the rest of us have to do the hard work that puts lives and the world on the line. We answer the threats. You answer Fury's phone calls."

I could tell the punch didn't hurt him in the slightest. I didn't even throw it properly and barely nicked him on the chin. There was a bit of a height difference after all. And I realized after the fact I probably shouldn't have done that- alienate one of my team members right out the gate in anger. But it felt really good, except for the throbbing knuckle I now cradled against my chest. "You know nothing about me and what I do. You don't get to judge me," I nearly spat. He at least had the decency to look shocked for the briefest of moments before slipping back into his cold expression. "Stay the hell out of my way until you learn some manners." With that, I proceeded to storm off in dignity, only to have it cut down a bit when I realized I had nowhere to go but back to my jail cell. But he didn't know that! So ha!

XXX

Hill actually dropped me off herself that afternoon, spending the whole car ride reminding me not to tell anyone about my situation. We had thrown together a bag for me with some clothes I had approved and a bunch of doctored photos that made it look like I had some sort of history. I was merely there to observe and see if I learned anything about what I was meant to do along the way. And I was not to throw another punch at Grant Ward no matter how much he deserved it. I don't know how she knew about our altercation, but I honestly wasn't surprised.

Her Jeep pulled to a stop in front of an extremely large plane that was currently being loaded with all sorts of things as people headed up its cargo hold ramp- boxes of weapons, science equipment, supplies and furniture, and even vehicles. Everything we could possibly need. I even noticed Grant Ward making his way over, black bag under his arm. "I mean it," Hill emphasized. "Play nice."

I gave her my best winning smile. "Of course Mom. Thanks for the ride." I climbed out of the car, but paused before taking off to get a last good luck at Hill. "Thanks for everything really. I'd-I'd have been lost without you," I said sincerely. She didn't quite seem to know how to handle my sentiments and merely gave me a nod. Okay, I decided I was never doing sappy again. With that, I slammed the door and took off at a run to catch up to Ward as he made his way up the ramp.

"Someone looks like they're in a good mood," I told him as I caught up, thumping him on the back. "Smile. This is going to be fun." I didn't think it was possible, but he somehow became even sulkier.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" a voice shouted from the top. "Watch it!" We arrived to see a man and a woman with a huge amount of suitcases and luggage between them. The one who spoke, a curly-haired gentleman with a sweater and tie, was grabbing something away from the woman, a very pretty girl in a pink blouse and jeans. "That's the night-night gun."

"Well, it's on my stuff and it doesn't work," she retorted in a way that made it immediately clear these two knew each other very well. She also had a very pleasant English accent that only endeared me to her further. Ward just let out a sigh as they continued, clearly still not in the mood for team spirit. "And there's no way we're calling it the night-night gun."

They started to carry some of the bags into what appeared to be a lab behind a set of open glass doors. I instantly moved to help them, grabbing what I could and following. "The bullets work," he bickered back and I realized he had some sort of accent as well. Though his seemed to be more… Scottish. "Nonlethal, heavy stopping power, break up under the subcutaneous tissue-"

"Oh, with a dose of only .1 microliters of Dendrotoxin." She set about storing her bags away, attention completely on her companions as I stood there awkwardly in the doorway. I went to say something, but she just kept going. "I'm not Hermione. I can't create instant paralysis with that. You should have run the specs by me before building the molds."

"The bullets are hollow," he argued before she had finished, and soon the two were talking over one another in a way that it was impossible to tell what was going on. But they both came to a stop as a loud thud sounded from behind me. I turned to see Agent Ward had dropped his bag in exasperation.

"Fitz-Simmons?" he asked, looking for which one of them had been mentioned earlier. They both stared at the two of us for a brief moment as if they had just noticed us for the first time. I felt completely uncomfortable at their scrutiny, but just stood in place.

"Fitz," she said finally, gesturing to the guy.

"Simmons," he followed, gesturing to her. Oh. That made sense. They certainly seemed so symbiotic they could be one person, so I could see how they often got lumped together. "I'm engineering. She's biochem." There was then a pause as I looked around the technology of this lab feeling very much out of place. But then I went red when I realized the silence was because they were both staring at me.

"Agent Crawford," I offered hastily, shifting the bags. "Ashleigh actually. Is there somewhere I could put these for you?" Simmons was quick to take them from me with a blinding smile and place them in a corner.

"Aren't you the sweetest? Thank you so much!" I realized Fitz was still looking at me, so I offered him a small wave as I stood there a little out of my element. I then proceeded to feel like a complete idiot until I noticed him smirk and give a little wave back to me. Okay. I could do this. Play nice.

"Agent Ward?" he then questioned behind me, turning his attention to our sullen observer. Ward nodded and produced a little black box from his coat pocket. Did he just keep everything in there? Was it infinitely deep?

"Coulson said I'd need my comm receiver encoded," he held it out for Fitz to grab. He proceeded to carry it over to one of the benches while Simmons worked at another, glancing up at me.

"You can come in," she said kindly.

I quickly realized how awkward I must have looked and made my way to her side. "I'm sorry. All of this is a little out of my element. I just don't want to break anything on the two of you. You should have seen the damage I did to a toaster just last week." I was surprised they both laughed at that, clear and in sync. I wasn't used to anyone actually laughing at my jokes honestly and it felt pretty good.

"Don't know if you've worked with that model before," Ward cut in back on topic. Leave it to him to spoil my good mood. "It's," Fitz proceeded to hit the black device with a hammer repeatedly, "brand new."

It was my turn to laugh now as Ward stared in disbelief. The look on his face was pretty priceless. He gave me a glare, but I merely covered my mouth with my hands because I couldn't get it to stop. Fitz was looking pretty surprised to have drawn that kind of reaction, but quickly seemed to be basking in it as I had. Simmons meanwhile addressed Ward. "He'll repurpose the I.D.I.S. chip," she reassured him.

Fitz nodded. "Don't need the external receiver for the inner-ear comms anymore."

"So, uh, how does it…"

Simmons cut him off by sticking what looked to be a cotton swab into his mouth. "Embedded sensorineural silicone matched to your DNA. It's very posh." She then stepped over back by me and held up another one. I instantly obliged and allowed her to swipe my mouth as well. "So, are you two excited to be coming on our journey of mystery?"

"Absolutely," I responded with enthusiasm. "This is going to be the best. Especially meeting everybody who gets to be part of this with me- seems like we're going to be quite the fun group." I made sure to make eye contact with both Fitz and Simmons there. It was clear they had their very tight friendship, but I definitely could use some friends after my past couple of weeks. "Right, Ward?" I shot over my shoulder. He strangely and rudely enough decided not to answer me. Rude.

At that moment as red car pulled up the ramp and Coulson climbed out. "One of Coulson's old S.H.I.E.L.D. collectibles," Fitz explained from right next to me, making me jump. "Sorry. Flamethrowers, world's first GPS- he's mad for that."

A worker came up to admire his car, but for the first time I saw Coulson muster a serious look as he walked past. "Don't touch Lola," he threatened, removing the sunglasses from his face and clicking the remote so she beeped. He managed to pull it off though.

"And he calls it a girl's name."

"Nothing wrong with a girl's name," I made clear as Coulson nodded for Ward and me to follow him. "I have one after all and I'd like to think I'm pretty cool." I thumped him once hard on the back, nearly sending the poor guy sprawling to the ground. I flashed him an apologetic smile as I started up the winding metal staircase after the boys. "Catch you two later!"

"Oh, I like her a lot, Fitz!" I heard from Simmons as I emerged in what must be the living area of the plane. I saw the two talking with an older Asian woman in dress very similar to Hill's. Coming up to them I could see from her expression she seemed to be just as no nonsense as well.

"Wheels are up in five," she told the two, eyes drifting to me as I came up behind them. "We may have a hit on one of Rising Tide's routing points." She nodded towards me. "Agent Crawford, I was hoping you would accompany me in the cockpit. I read about your flying exploits in Abu Dhabi and want to see what you have to offer."

Oh no. It looked like Hill had told a lie a little too big. I also had been planning by sticking by Coulson on the ride out, picking his brain a bit to see if I could figure anything out or know for sure if he recognized me like I did him. But both Ward and Coulson were now staring at me and I couldn't just start crying right there. I forced a proud smile on my face. Stick to the mission. I could do this. I'd just… make something up about how the plane wasn't compatible or something. "Of course…"

"Melinda May," she told me before turning with the intention that I follow.

"Abu Dhabi?" Ward questioned suspiciously.

"Yes," I said perhaps a bit too quickly. "Pilot had a heart attack and someone had to land," I lied through my teeth, keeping my smile firmly on my face. "He's okay though. Just gave me a heart attack." Coulson was just watching me with interest, but Ward still seemed in disbelief as he stared me down. I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. "I get a feeling she's not the type to be kept waiting, so I'm going to go. See you guys later."

Agent May already had her headphones on and was flicking all sorts of buttons and switches when I paused at the doorway. "Sit," she ordered, gesturing to the copilot's seat.

"I'm actually not very good with all the buttons and things, so it's probably best I-"

"Sit." I knew better than to pick a battle and perched in the seat just as I was told. "I'm not going to beat around the bush, okay? I'm the contact Agent Hill told you about."

So she wasn't actually expecting me to know how to fly this thing? I let out a sigh of relief. "Great. Because I was so worried-"

"You come to me with anything up here where we're not overheard and I will report it back to Fury. You don't speak anything else to anyone."

"Hill gave me the whole song and dance already," I reminded her. "At the moment I will need a mission for me to Abu Dhabi in which my pilot had a heart attack and I landed the plane myself." May gave me a look. "They asked for the story! I gave them one! But I don't trust Ward not to snoop around." She didn't say anything, just turned back to her work. I let the silence sit for a minute before needing to speak up. "I will. I'm here to help… somehow…" Her attention as distracted by some voices on the headphones.

"Confirmed. Taking off now." She flipped a few more things and the plane roared to life under us, making me clutch the seat a little tighter. "I'd buckle up." I did as instructed, for some reason instinctually squeezing my eyes shut tight for a few minutes as the plane left the bunker and took off smoothly into the sky. I'm pretty sure I left nail marks in the cushions of the armrest. Only when I felt us leveling out did I dare open them and even then I felt myself go pale as my entire stomach pitched. This was not good at all.

"I think I just remembered something." She glanced over at me. "I'm pretty sure I'm not a heights person," I informed her before clicking off my seatbelt and rushing unprofessionally for the bathroom.

XXX

So the trick was I couldn't look out any windows, I discovered once I calmed myself. As long as I didn't look at the sky I stood a chance of convincing myself I was still on the ground. Safely, happily perched on the ground.

I spent my time instead at the bunks, setting up shop in a tall one across from Ward. He'd just thrown his bag on his bed and walked off, but I'd decided to try to make things homier. I set my fake pictures on the wall, trying not to think about the fact I actually had no clue who I was. I had no clue who my family was really either. All I had were some actors pretending they cared about me for the flash of a camera. It was honestly a little pathetic.

I heard the cry of pain and dismounted my bunk to see Fitz had hit his head a few down. "Need me to get some ice for that?" I asked politely as I made my way over. "Though it may take me a while to find the fridge honestly."

"No," he responded. "I'm just a little worried that's something I can come to expect every morning. I'm not used to such a low ceiling."

"You'll adapt," I offered, but I could see he was having a few larger doubts that he wasn't comfortable voicing to the absolute stranger he had met that day. Figure that. "I know I have absolute faith in you, Fitz," I tried sincerely reassuring him. "You can do this. We all can." Once again the way he was looking at me made me feel like a complete and utter dork. Obviously he didn't need the crap I was spouting off. "Where's Simmons?"

"In the lab getting everything ready for when we land. Coulson said… your special talent is reading people, right?" Spectacular. He seemed a little defensive and must think I'm some sort of busybody getting all up in his personal business. Way to make a first impression, Ashleigh.

"Supposedly," I shrugged. "I honestly don't think I have much of a superpower at all. I'll leave that kind of stuff to Thor or Iron Man."

"Actually, we're going to need it." I turned around to see Coulson approaching us. "Ward and I are going to intercept whoever is sending out these Rising Tide messages. Since you're our resident people person I think it best you come with us. May is taking Fitz-Simmons to get some readings of an apartment building that the incident occurred at."

Time with Ward? That was a big no from me. "Yes, is it at all possible I could go with Team Science? Because Ward and I-"

"I'm aware of your altercation," Coulson cut in with a smirk. Like I said I knew I really liked this guy. We seemed to be on the same wavelength. "I'm not about to let personal matters get in the way of the task at hand." I had just argued against the orders of my team commander and he seemed to realize it too. I really needed to shape up, especially when it came to Coulson who I actually liked. "And here I just thought you'd want to spend some quality time together," he added, somehow letting me know he wasn't taking my insubordination too seriously and releasing a weight from my chest.

The man clearly also knew what he was doing. "You won me over, Coulson," I smiled. "I'll be right by your side the moment this things lands. Promise." Coulson accepted this with his smirk still firmly in place and started back the way he came, leaving me to let out a groan at the thought of being trapped in a car with Ward.

"Altercation?" I heard Fitz question from his bunk.

"He pissed me off. I punched him in the face and told him to learn some manners."

"Alright then," he responded after a beat. "Remind me to never get on your bad side then."

"I doubt I would ever throw one at you," I told him honestly as I started back for my bunk to hide until we landed. "My people reading skills tell me that you're not a complete and utter asshole." I hopped into my bunk and sprawled out, choosing to look at the silver lining- time with Coulson. Maybe I could finally get a straight answer on whether he knows me or not.

"The fridge is just down the hall in the kitchen. You can't miss it."

I stuck my head out and gave him a smile. "Thanks," I shot his way, watching him finish and head back for the lab. I then ducked my head back into my bunk and sighed. I would prefer to follow him- maybe learn more about the dynamic duo of Fitz-Simmons or go tell May about how I was positive I had to know Coulson. But I had no plans on emerging and risking seeing any sort of window. This plane was practically full of them! Major design flaw.

XXX

I was true to my word and met up with Coulson and Ward the moment I was sure we were flat on the ground. Ward grabbed one of our cars, I asked but Lola was out of the question, and we started down the streets following where Rising Tide was broadcasting from. I had graciously allowed Coulson shotgun and was perched in the center of the backseat, leaning towards them.

"So I checked out the file when we were in the air," Coulson struck up a conversation. "What you did in Abu Dhabi was quite impressive."

Wow. Hill worked fast. "Thank you, sir. That means a lot. To me it's all just a big blur. I can hardly remember a single detail honestly."

"Just the choice to land in the water rather than risk any civilians. It was very Captain America." I could instantly tell he felt that was the highest compliment he could offer and tried not to let the guilt eat through me that it was over a big fat lie. I forced a smile, but it definitely was.

"He's an inspiration for sure," I lied again. I barely knew anything about Captain America other than some cliff notes on the Battle of New York. Hill apparently thought it would be wise for my actions to mirror his though, and now I had to follow-up with this knowledge I was expected to have of him. So I would have to add researching Cap to my to-do list. My growing to-do list.

"I met him, you know," Coulson continued. "I was there when they unfroze him. He's just what you'd expect." He sobered for a minute, and I instantly hated that expression on his face. "Too bad he thinks-"

"We're here," Ward joined the conversation. "It's coming from the van right there." He poured over some of the monitors this car was cluttered with. "Heat signature is showing only one person inside."

"Grab-and-go," Coulson told him, earning a nod from Ward as he slipped his sunglasses on and schooled his expression to get ready. "Nothing excessive though. We just want to talk to them. We'll have the upper hand back on the Bus." The two started to climb out and I went to follow, but Coulson held my door closed. "I don't want them to see you right now. I want you to be a fresh face in the interrogation room when we need you-especially is they make it difficult."

I nodded and gestured for the two of them to get going with a thumbs-up before leaning back in my seat panicking just a bit. Coulson expected me to work an interrogation room. He expected me to be able to get information out of someone… if the two of them failed. I was the pinch hitter. The fake spy was the pinch hitter for getting the information we absolutely needed. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself, truly wishing I had gone with Team Science. They wouldn't expect anything of me, plus May would have my back… maybe. I wasn't positive on her yet.

All I knew right now is the Maria Hill had perhaps talked me up too much and I was going to pay the price for it.

XXX

It was an awkward car ride back. Coulson drove our car, allowing me to get shotgun, while Ward piloted the van we were apparently just taking. "He was a little rougher then I would have liked," Coulson confided in me. "But we know he's going to have to grow into this side of things." The rest of the car ride was spent in a comfortable silence as I could tell he was focused and not in the mood for my badgering.

They led her; I guessed it was her from the outfit, with a bag over her head to a room in the back of "the Bus" that from the peek I got was lined with hexagons along the wall. "Wait here," he instructed me quietly. "But stay close and keep an ear out." He hit a button on the wall and followed Ward in, closing the door behind him.

"You guys are making a big mistake," a female voice came through a speaker next to the button. I slid down the opposite wall, camping out to listen while praying I wouldn't have to go in there.

"You don't look that big," Ward responded, making me roll my eyes. Asshole. The poor girl was probably terrified and he was being all big and dominating.

I quickly learned she was not terrified. Her name was Skye and she was playing it cool as if this had been her plan all along to get on the plane. I could even tell she was bluffing, but I had to give her points for courage. She even threw some of the secret things S.H.I.E.L.D. hid from everyone back in their faces- I kind of found myself rooting for her just the tiniest bit. Ward seemed to play the intimidating angle, surprise, while Coulson was trying to be more gentle and polite. I didn't know which one would win her over, but I was hoping one would. Because I was quite comfortable out here- on the hard cold floor of this hallway.

Then she threw out the word Centipede and everything grew a bit more serious, at least for my team's two guys. It was something they hadn't heard of, and even I had enough sense to know that was scary. Ward got more pressing, called her a pseudo-anarchist hacker, and accused her of being a groupie. Skye retorted with calling him the T-1000 though so I felt she ultimately won the day. Maybe I should join her team- she seemed to be winning after all.

I knew I was in trouble when Coulson made him and Ward leave. I hopped up onto my feet, knowing this wasn't a good sign at all. "Is it the girl? Is she getting under your skin?" Coulson threw over his shoulder as we followed him away from the interrogation room and into the living area.

"Sir?"

"Or is it this assignment? Are you so anxious to get out of this that you'd deliberately blow an interrogation?" He came to a closet and punched in a code.

"Give me a minute alone with her," Ward requested. "You'll have your information." I really didn't like his tone of voice on this one. I didn't like it at all.

"Not necessary," I spoke without thinking. "Send me in and I'll get her to talk… willingly." What the hell was I doing? I had not just said that. I did not just create my own demise. Day one and I was already going to blow my cover.

"Crawford's right," Coulson agreed as he pulled a case from the closet. "She's an asset." Dig me my grave now.

"She is such a… wait… 'asset'?"

"We don't know anything about her. Do you appreciate how often that happens?" He opened the case to reveal what appeared to be a syringe-gun sort of hybrid. "We need what she knows." He extended it to me and I instantly didn't like where this was heading. He held up a small green vial and loaded it in. "This is QNB-T16. It's the top-shelf Martini of Sodium Pentothal derivatives, a brand –new and extremely potent truth drug," he summarized my confusion. "The effects last an hour and then there'll be a nice little nap."

"I'm-I'm not doing that. That is not the way to get her to trust us," I argued.

"We don't need her to trust us, Crawford," Ward nearly groaned. "We just need what she knows." I didn't quite believe that at all. This wasn't right. There had to be… some way around this. I wracked my brain, meeting Coulson's patient gaze. I had to prove myself in this moment. I had to keep my cover that I was this person. I had to get this information so whatever the hell Centipede was it didn't get to them and hurt them. I needed to keep them safe. I needed to do it.

I grabbed the syringe with a nod. "Ward comes in with me," I requested. "He knows the kind of questions to ask." Coulson nodded and the two of us walked back into the interrogation room, allowing me the first look at our young, brown-haired captive. "Hello. I'm Ashleigh- Agent Ashleigh technically I guess."

"What? They think bringing in another girl will make me confess everything like we're at a slumber party?"

"No. They think this," I held up the syringe device, "will do the trick. It's a truth drug- extremely potent. The effects last about an hour and we'll have all the answers to our questions." She actually looked a bit afraid, and I instantly knew what I was going to do. The type of person I claimed to be would want her to trust us. That was more important than the information. And I think I had just figured out a way to accomplish that. I was going to do things my way.

Ward didn't see it coming as I plunged it into his arm and pulled the trigger. "Hey! What the hell?!" he shouted as I pulled away.

"Nothing personal! I promise!" I vowed, dragging him over to sit in the chair across from Skye, who was looking at me in pure confusion. "You need to trust us," I told her, walking around the table to her side- trying to project the feeling that I was. "So go ahead and ask him whatever you'd like."

"I hate you so much," he grumbled, hand going to his arm and rubbing it.

"Feeling's mutual," I fired back. "Don't tell me it hurt?"

"Yes, it did hurt a little bit," he said without thinking. "But I always try and mask my pain in front of beautiful women 'cause I think it will make me seem more masculine." He realized what he had said and his eyes went wide. "My God, this stuff works fast."

Skye looked at me, but I merely shrugged and leaned against the wall behind her. "He's all yours. I just want to be here for the show."

She gave me a smile before turning back, clearly enjoying having the power of the situation. And with that smile I absolutely knew I had made the right choice. I could argue as much to Coulson when he yelled at me the second I was out that door, because I knew I was in with Skye. I was her partner in crime right now.

Maybe I could do this after all.

XXX

 **Author's Note: Hello all. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying this story that's been in my head for a while. I just finally decided to put typing to computer. Fitz has always been my favorite and though I love Fitzsimmons I wanted to try something different.**

 **I just wanted to let you all know I am leaving tomorrow for a Disney Cruise (in which I will see Age of Ultron on the ship like three more times) until next Saturday and thus will not be available to update. But I didn't want to leave you without their first meeting, so here you are. The first two were really setting her up and now we get to see her with everyone. It's going to be a slow burn as Ashleigh adapts and warms up to Fitz, but aren't those the best kind ;)**

 **Thank you so much again for your support. Enjoy, leave a review if you'd like, and I will see you all in a week.**


	4. Just a Day at the Office

_Just a Day at the Office_

I thought I would severely enjoy watching Ward squirm as Skye battered him with all sorts of fun and uncomfortable questions before getting serious. But as Skye purposefully removed her jacket and Ward mentioned his Gramzy, I honestly felt like I needed to get out of there. No matter how much I didn't care for him as a person, I didn't like to see him giving up information he clearly didn't want to. Don't get me wrong- I was glad I had done it to him rather than Skye, but I guess I just didn't want to be around to see it. So I politely, Ward still glared at me though, excused myself to the hallway where Coulson was waiting, half-listening to the intercom on a very low volume. I waited for him to chew me out about what I had done, but he gave me a glance of… pride? Was that possible? Because here I thought I had royally screwed up.

"Sir?" I probed after a moment of silence. "You don't seem too upset about the fact that I just went against your orders and betrayed a fellow team member by literally stabbing him. Just saying," I added as he didn't look my way. "It's kind of weirding me out."

"I thought you were too good to be true," he said finally. I instantly felt myself start sweating and internally cursing myself for screwing up already somehow. I had to be the worst undercover spy in existence. "On paper you seemed… flawless. And with how suddenly Agent Hill brought you up I couldn't help but think she planted you for Fury." Imagine that. I sure couldn't- or at least that's what I tried to convey with my face. I was so lucky it wasn't the type you wanted to punch, otherwise I might be doomed.

He finally looked at me, and I did my best to look worried and clueless. "But you did exactly what was needed to gain her trust, exactly what I would have done. You stepped up and proved your ability at reading people. So I owe you an apology for testing you like that. A leader shouldn't do that to his team."

"A leader also needs to make sure he can trust his team," I countered without even thinking to make him feel better. I then made the choice and closed the distance between us, extending my hand with a genuine smile. "No hard feelings, sir." And there weren't- mainly because he was absolutely right. But as he shook my hand I knew I wasn't just playing him for my cover. I genuinely respected this man and wanted him to think the best of me. He just inspired that kind of reaction. And maybe if I worked hard enough I could be the Ashleigh Crawford he thought I was.

"I appreciate that. I know I can trust you as a member of my team, Crawford." I nearly burst with pride and I'm sure my smile reflected that judging from the smirk he gave me before putting both hands up. "And I promise no more secret tests from here on out."

"It's a deal, Agent Coulson."

We stood in comfortable silence for a few minutes. He seemed to have received some sort of news and was looking things over on his phone- it almost sounded like a video. I heard practically nothing as my mind was all about this secret test I had been put through. I was just cheering with relief on the inside honestly that I was maybe not the worst spy ever. More time passed then I must have thought because soon a voice cut through as Skye shouted "Hey! He's asleep now! I've really got nothing to do anymore!"

"Let's see if your gambit paid off." Coulson opened the door politely and guided Skye like a guest to a room filled with screens and technology off the living area. I hesitated entering, worried everything would blow sky high as soon as it was aware of my presence, but I settled for standing away from everything towards the back of the room. The machines seemed to accept this and didn't rebel luckily. Skye was right behind me and seemed much more comfortable, giving a smug smile to me as one of the cameras showed the sleeping Ward in the interrogation room. Coulson especially seemed impressed with the quick turn-around in her cooperation as well. I was in… on both accounts. Mental high five. Big sigh of relief.

"Did Agent Ward give you anything?" Coulson inquired as we all watched him passed out on the desk. I forced myself to be professional and keep from giggling, which was very difficult.

"He told me he's been to Paris, but he's never really seen it. That she punched him in the face earlier today, but he barely felt it because she's clearly not built for combat." Needed to work on my swing clearly. He'd feel it next time. "And that he wishes you stayed in Tahiti." That word gave me chills every time despite myself and I had no idea why.

"It's a magical place."

"Ward doesn't like you style… either of you," she finished, glancing at us on either side of her. "But I kind of think I do… especially her."

"What about his?" Coulson asked before I could get anything out, throwing some news footage up on one of the screens- the one he must have been watching earlier. "… _remains in critical condition. Employees could not identify the attacker, but security footage confirms that this man assaulted the factory foreman before damaging thousands of dollars' worth of company property._ " The footage depicted what the reporter was describing, but my focus was on Skye as she instantly shook her head with disagreement.

"This is wrong," she appealed to the two of us. "This is not... the guy I met. He was… he just needs a break."

"Then give him one," Coulson shot straight with her. "What have you got?" She looked back and forth between the two of us for what seemed like forever. When she seemed to settle on me I made sure to give her an encouraging nod, knowing how much Coulson needed this. That seemed to make up her mind as she turned back to him.

"Mike Peterson," she said in a tone that made it clear she was desperately hoping to not regret this. "His name is Mike Peterson."

Coulson went to the computer laid out on the table before us, typing away. "Thank you. May is on her way back with the others, so we should be able to find him easily just as they get back." A bar was loading in front of us now, anything with the name Mike Peterson popping up rapidly. Coulson cleared some of the clutter while looking over some documents such as divorce papers and the birth certificate for his son- getting a read on the guy without even having met him. It was impressive and I could have just kept watching him, but Skye spoke up.

"Can I go now? I gave you what you wanted?"

"Or you could stick around for a bit and get the answers yourself," I offered. "In the meantime how about we get some lunch? I'm starving." I started away from the computers, careful not to touch anything, and was happy to see Skye follow behind me pretty quickly. Her curiosity was clearly winning out over her desire to get out of Dodge. But that was clearly what Coulson wanted so I was going to run with it. "Peanut butter and jelly okay?"

"Sounds good."

"Can I make you one, Agent Coulson?" I stuck my head back in the room.

"Can you cook?" he glanced up with a raised eyebrow.

I had no idea. "It's peanut butter and jelly spread on two pieces of bread," I played off with a roll of my eyes. "I'll make you one and you'll see. It's not that hard. I think I can manage… as soon as I locate the kitchen."

It turns out you can ruin peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Apparently that bread had been in the fridge for a while before we moved in and I should have checked that. Though I'm sure it would give Coulson and Skye something to laugh about when they thought back on it later. Much later. Or at least after the potential for food poisoning later.

My bad.

XXX

The three of us had just managed to purge the taste from our mouths with a sip of close to every beverage in the fridge (milk worked the best so that one we took down the gallon) when we notified that a car was pulling into the Bus. Coulson banned me from making him any meals from here on out, and part of me thought he was joking while the other wasn't so sure honestly. But in a lot of ways it was a moment- my first real moment with the team I basically had committed my entire being to. There was no way not to be happy about that, to wish I had a camera so I could have a real photo on my wall. The two of them kept looking at me in a way that sent me into giggles and they were not very amused, so I was designated to go meet up with them and bring the others back.

Fitz was the first up the stairs, tablet under his arm. Simmons was right behind and May brought up the rear. "What'd you find?" I asked.

"We should be able to put together surveillance footage despite it being deep-fried and we got some very interesting reading on what caused the explosion. We'll share it once we get in there," Simmons summed up for me. "You?"

"Well… we caught Rising Tide hacker girl- Skye. She's with Coulson. We got the name of our mysterious hero." We started walking back, but I decided to add something else. "Also I stabbed Ward with QNB-T16 and nearly poisoned Coulson with a peanut butter sandwich." I heard Fitz come to a stop, but I just kept walking a few steps further. I finally turned around to see his jaw dangling from his shocked face and scoffed. "It was an accident, Fitz. I swear I didn't intentionally try to poison our supervising agent."

"Never let her make me a sandwich," I heard Fitz whisper to Simmons behind me as I kept going. "Never let her make me anything." Well, I guess I wasn't a chef in my past life either. That was one possible occupation ruled out at least.

The group of us all gathered around the tabletop computer after entering the room, Fitz and Simmons both giving Skye a curious glance while May all but ignored her. She was clearly more intimidated now that more of us were here and stuck to the back of the room, so I made sure to stick by her side for some comfort. And also maybe because I was intimidated by this group Coulson considered the best of the best as well. Not that I'd ever admit it though. Agent Crawford wasn't scared of anything.

"Michael Peterson," Coulson began as he threw a driver's license on the screen on the wall. I took a good look at the guy and not surprisingly found him to be completely normal looking. He didn't have a third eye or anything like that at least. "Factory worker. Married. One kid. Gets injured. Gets laid off. Wife jumps ship." I took a few steps forward towards the tabletop to glance at all the gathered data and felt Skye shift as well, moving with more confidence to the other side of Coulson that I did. "Good guy, bad breaks."

"You can say that again," I couldn't help muttering as I looked it over. "Poor guy must have been desperate."

"Exactly. Best guess is, somebody tells him they can make him strong again- can make him super."

"Who has the tech to do that?" May cut in, clearly the only one with the rank and comfort to challenge Coulson even a little bit. "And why would they want to do that?"

"Fitz, what do we have from the security footage before the blast?" I watched from next to him as Fitz brought an image up on the monitor- a very blurry one of two figures that looked to be in some sort of lab.

"What are we seeing?" May asked what everyone was clearly thinking. She was very efficient when it came to her words I was quickly learning.

"Well, the man is angry at the other man," Fitz gestured. I merely put my head in my hands as his sheer power in stating the obvious, and it was pretty clear his news wasn't being heralded by anyone from how defensively Simmons spoke next.

"The data is very corrupt."

"Yeah, like Cold War Russia corrupt," Fitz added, at least earning a snort out of me at his desperate humor.

"Yeah," Simmons agreed with him, showing how clearly these two had each other's backs. It would have been precious if it hadn't left us with absolutely nothing to go off of. Fitz seemed to sense that and grew more nervous about being the center of attention in this room.

"I-I can't sync the timecode without-"

"What if you had the audio?" Skye offered from behind all of us. "I was running surveillance on the lab. I had my shotgun mic pointed at the window before the blast. There's too much background noise for me, but you could probably-"

"You can clear that up, can't you?" Simmons smiled at her partner, obviously trying to give him a confidence boost. I kind of felt bad about my reaction earlier and again decided to contribute to the conversation.

"Of course he can," I cheered him on as well. I could tell Simmons words didn't seem to have too large an impact, probably because it was something she did frequently, but at mine he looked up at me with just the barest hint of a smile. "He got us this after all, which despite our less than stellar reaction I know I couldn't have done."

There was a short beat of Fitz and Simmons whispering back and forth faster than I could catch on before he turned back to Skye, still clearly unsure of her. "Um, that audio would be great."

It was at the exact same moment Simmons added with a much friendlier tone, "Thank you very, very much. We will take that audio please."

"Your van's here, but you were right. We couldn't decrypt the files," Coulson told our hacker. He didn't say it but I could tell he was slightly impressed.

"The encryption's coupled to the GPS." Clever girl. I was really starting to warm up to her. "Get my van back to that alley, and then I'm in business." She started for the door immediately, Coulson giving May a nod.

"Agent May will escort you," he told Skye as May tagged behind her. "And on your way out, wake up Ward," he added to the senior Agent. I desperately tried to keep from laughing at her puzzled reaction, managing to hold it together pretty well. At least no one seemed to notice my hidden delight that Agent Ward was taking a nap right now. Though I was pretty sure I was going to pay for it when he woke up now that I thought about it. I had better watch my back and make sure he doesn't try to get me with that stuff. Not that I would have much to tell him though. Wow. That brought my mood down.

XXX

Bummed out and deciding I needed to hide away from Ward with witnesses, I chose to follow Fitz and Simmons down to their lab. Simmons threw on her coat and got to work with her microscopes and samples while Fitz was running around syncing things to his computer. I was clearly the third wheel as they babbled back and forth to one another too quickly and with too many words I didn't stand a chance at understanding. So I took to perching myself atop the table next to Fitz's computer, staring off into space with my thoughts a bit as I waited. It was a "him" I had to "save", so I guess I had to be prepared for it to happen anytime and move towards him when given a choice. Maybe his computer was going to explode and I would have to shield him from the blast. Though that would certainly be anticlimactic for this whole thing. He just seemed to work around me, only speaking to me when he needed me to shift for some reason. It was clear the two of them didn't intentionally mean to alienate me- that this was just their natural setting when they were together. They honed in on one another and their work. I was barely in the background.

Coulson made his way down to check in with Jemma after about a half hour, just as Fitz managed to connect with Skye through the comm system. Luckily Ward was nowhere to be seen, though I was ready to jump and hide under this desk the moment that he did. I had to be concerned for who I was meant to save, but I also had to keep myself from dying first in order to save them. It was a very circular give and take you see. And I was really scared of what he was going to do to me.

"Uh, yeah." Fitz grabbed my attention back as he made his way over to the computer as beeping sounded. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting it."

"Little excessive, don't you think?" I quipped, but he didn't even seem to hear me.

"So, uh, when… when you get back, I'll show you my thing." I nearly fell off the desk laughing right then and there. Sure, I knew what he meant. But come on. Now he seemed to notice me, wincing at both my reaction and the words that had just come out of his mouth. "A thing," he corrected, clearly willing me to stop. "It's not… I-it's my hardware." I covered my mouth as another spasm of laughter came through, and he was officially completely thrown off- cringing. "My equipment." I'm pretty sure I let out a howl at this point, it was just too good. "Let's hang up." He pulled out his headset and glared at me.

I managed to settle down enough to smile at him. "So do you offer to show every girl your hardware? Or is Skye special in that regard? Is it just a think Scots do to be polite?" He looked humiliated and angry, but I just had to keep going. I couldn't let this one be. I didn't know where to draw the line. "Should I be offended I did not receive such an invitation? Is it customary to offer you to see my hardware as well? Because-"

The headset sailed past my ear before I had time to react, hitting the metal table behind me and clanging loudly. We both stared at each other in slight shock about what had just happened. I glanced over my shoulder to see Coulson was busy talking with Simmons, meaning he hadn't seen me get into a third altercation with a second member of the team in my first day. I turned back to give this punk a piece of my mind, anger rising, when I saw just how guilty he looked, scratching the back of his neck and almost squirming in his skin.

"I'm-I'm so, so, so, so sorry," he apologized, reaching out but then re-charting his course back to the computer rather than myself. I felt my frustration melt away at just how mad at himself he looked for his outburst. I mean it had partially been my fault. For reading people I wasn't very good at keeping things from going too far. "It didn't look like- I hope that didn't hit you. That was absolutely childish. I'm sorry. I'm-"

We were interrupted by Ward barging in, now merely in a t-shirt rather than his suit. I may not like him, but even I had to admit he looked pretty good. "So what did Crawford's stunt get us?" he demanded harshly, purposely looking at Coulson rather than me. That wasn't a good sign at all. I shrunk back a bit, almost hiding behind the computer as Fitz left it to cross Ward's path, trying to get himself back in the zone of his work.

"Skye's sending us the rest of her decrypted files on Centipede," he caught our sleepy team member up, not noticing the look of annoyance as he cut right in front of him to grab something. "But we have her audio. I've loaded it up."

"Nice work," Coulson offered Ward as Fitz came back to type frantically at the computer. Ward now leveled his best dirty look at me and I offered him the smallest of waves with a large smile. He didn't seem won over. I was going to die. I tried ducking behind Fitz, but once again he moved out of the lab to prevent me from cowering behind him.

"Now… using motion estimation, Bayesian interference, a beam splitter, and a little diffraction theory," the cargo hold outside the lab was suddenly filled with a three-dimensional image of what we had seen on the screen before, "our mystery man appears."

I was in pure shock at what he had just pulled off, and judging by how Ward moved toward it he was too. "It's like magic," Fitz smiled at the two of us proudly. "But it's… it's science."

"Explosives in the case?" Ward thought aloud, nodding towards the case one of the men had.

"Makes sense," I agreed with him, hoping it would dull down some of the tension. It really didn't. The image started moving with the case being slammed on the table and the other man having his arms extended towards the angry guy.

"… _please calm down. Just let me check your vitals._ "

Angry Guy didn't like that. " _I feel fine. I want to feel more._ " Something was clearly off in how he was acting, almost like an addict of some kind. " _Where's the doctor? Where is she?_ "

" _I-if you don't settle down, I-I'll have you sedated,_ " Doctor Man tried as he cowered. This seemed to upset Doctor Guy, who threw a chair violently to the ground effortlessly.

" _Where is she?!_ " The image froze.

"Wait," Fitz said as he began to rewind the footage. "Did you… did you see that on his arm?" The image went back to when his arm was up with the chair, Ward and I stepping closer to get a look at the machine that seemed attached. Realizing what it looked like, I instantly put it together and turned towards Coulson.

"It's a centipede."

"It's an intravenous filter for his blood," Simmons added, joining the conversation as she stepped away from her desk and microscope. "This goo, sir… very similar to the serum Dr. Erskine developed in the '40's for the-"

"Super soldiers," Coulson finished.

"I'm reading alien metal, gamma radiation, the serum. Every known source of superpower thrown in a blender." Some of those words seemed to hit things that had been covered in my briefing, but nothing stood out to me as it seemed to for Coulson. I really needed to do more research on all this stuff if I was going to keep up. But I had figured out this was all bad. I was on top of that.

"We need to see the origin of the blast. Run it back from the last point recorded," Coulson requested. Fitz nodded and the footage moved rapidly to the point where the entire room seemed to be consumed by explosive flames. It made me jump a bit. The footage then went backward, the explosion condensing to the point its source was revealed. It was Angry Guy.

"Extremis," Coulson wrapped up as he stared at the Angry Guy, sounding almost sad a bit. I knew I had heard that one too. "It's new. Completely unstable."

"Poor man didn't bring an explosive," Simmons echoed his sadness to a greater degree. I was inclined to agree as I stared at him on the verge of literally blowing himself up. He certainly hadn't asked for this when he signed up. "And Mike has the same stuff in his system."

"And judging by his strength level, a lot more," Ward added.

Fitz's mind seemed to go exactly where mine did as he beat me to the punch. "So any minute now, Mike is gonna-"

"He'll take out anyone within a two-block radius." Oh boy. Well, my first day was certainly exciting to say the least.

Coulson started back for the lab, glancing at Ward as he went. "Well… you wanted a bomb." Ward followed him out, the two of them clearly about to get ready for something big. I started to follow, but paused as I saw Fitz come down the stairs right in front of me.

"For the record," I started, "I'm sorry too. I was clearly pushing too hard and wasn't… I was being a jerk really." It was true. I was just as much to blame and really needed to fix this before it became a problem. I put a hand on his arm, feeling him flinch which made me instantly pull away. "Let's just… let's agree that I won't talk about your hardware again." This time I managed to get a bit of a smile out of him as he rolled his eyes. "And you won't talk about mine."

"I kind of hate you," he shouted over his shoulder as I started past him. I flashed him a raised eyebrow as a challenge before continuing to find the other two. I passed Simmons along the way which made me shrug.

"We're becoming fast friends, what can I say?"

XXX

Ward was putting a gun together. That's the sight I had found when I arrived back in what I thought of as the Bus's computer room. Ward was putting a gun together and Coulson wasn't telling him not to. He was merely examining the screens on the wall. Ward was putting a gun together and I felt sick to my stomach. I may be a spy at this point, but I certainly wasn't cut out for being an assassin. This was a man who just needed a break, not a bullet. No one needed a bullet, except maybe Ward. And even then I really had to think about it.

"Sir?" the hurried voice of Simmons cut in my awkwardly standing in the doorway. I moved aside so Coulson could follow her out with Fitz at her side, listening intently. "He didn't explode because he was angry. The two are connected. It… it's kind of a chemical surge. But calming him down will buy him a minute at most. He will detonate within the next few hours." Ward started to move faster out of the corner of my eye as my heart dropped. I wasn't quite ready to do the whole saving thing yet.

"Solution?" Coulson didn't ask but demanded from the two.

"Isolate him," Simmons offered in a very clinical manner. "Get him away from people."

"Or?" Coulson wrote her off, which I was glad for.

"Put a bullet though his brain," Fitz offered an even worse option. It made me just as sick as Ward putting that gun together right in front of me. "If he's dead, his irradiated metabolic process will stop."

"That's not even an option," I joined the conversation, stepping out with crossed arms. I had to say my piece. "And quite frankly neither is the other one. We need to find one that doesn't involve Mike's son losing his father."

"Crawford's right," Coulson agreed. "Come up with a third option."

"We have a couple hours at most," Simmons fretted. "There's no way we could possibly-"

"Don't ever tell me there's no way!" Coulson said with more anger than I'd ever heard from him. He stared the two of them down and filled the whole room with tension. "It's on you. Get it done." I couldn't help but feel bad for the two as they scrambled off, but he was right. This needed to happen. I wasn't about to let anyone die if I could do anything about it. Something told me Michael Peterson wasn't the "him" specifically, but I was just going to make it an overarching goal. Save as many people as I could. That's who Agent Crawford was.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by May's voice coming over the computer. " _He took Skye._ " Oh, Mike.

"You all right?" Coulson asked, instantly concerned.

" _We'll deal with it later… at length. Right now, we need to figure out where they went._ "

"Agreed. Head back for now." He stopped the conversation just as Ward finished loading up his stuff. He almost seemed worried about her like I was, but I must have been mistaken. Robots weren't capable of feelings after all. "Skye's smart. If she was taken-"

"She would be trying to tell us where to find her," I finished. The three of us started the way of the cargo hold, and I was surprised at how easily I was going along with this now. This time I was going to make sure I was in this car. "I can help you talk to him. We need to distract him while Fitz-Simmons finish."

"That's what I planned on," Coulson reassured me, this time filling me with pride rather than fear. "Just promise you'll be careful and listen to any order I give, even if it is to get out of there."

"Always," I vowed.

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"Feel free… because I mean it."

XXX

The second the Jeep pulled to a stop in front of Union Station after a wordless drive, I was scrambling out to join the guys. Fitz had sent the location to our GPS and we could spot Skye's blue van just in front of us. Coulson strode over with purpose, megaphone in hand, and I fell into step next to him.

Ward didn't quite do the same, looking every which way. "Look at this place. You're gonna' risk thousands of lives over some nobody."

"I will not hesitate punch you in the face again," I warned, fist honestly twitching a bit at his words. He had a point, but just the way he said it. "Remember what we discussed about manners, Agent Ward?" He gave me the briefest of glares, but his attention was clearly on Coulson rather than me.

"Nobody's nobody, Ward," Coulson lectured him, making me come down on his side even more and burying any doubts I had. "Fitz-Simmons will come through." His faith in us was once again inspiring. He raised the megaphone to the van as Ward and I flanked either side of him. "Mr. Peterson, good morning," he said casually. "We're not a threat. We're here to help. But you're in danger and we need to take you in."

That wasn't the way to go about it. After a few moments of no one emerging I knew we hadn't won him over in the slightest. I turned to Coulson as the police began to arrive and flank the van as well. "You maybe should have neglected that last sentence. He doesn't want to hear the scray government guys want to bring him in. I think that's where we lost him."

"I'll keep that in mind for-"

I didn't get to hear the rest of that sentence as there was suddenly pain and then I was sent skidding across the pavement onto my side. I heard the metallic thud and registered the door of the van a solid distance from where it should be. Coulson and Ward had both hit the ground in time, but my lack of ninja reflexes meant it had managed to bowl me over before I even registered it. I guessed by the ringing it had managed to get me in the head, and when I went to touch my head I also guessed it had really clipped my right arm judging by the blood staining my sweater and the serious rip.

There appeared to be some sort of commotion going on following the launched door, but everything sounded muffled and far away. Part of me just wanted to pass out, but I fought with everything I had to at least sit up despite the rush of dizziness I felt. I got sick right there in the street, completely embarrassed but in agony, just as I felt a pair of hands on my shoulder.

"Crawford, you okay?" I managed to make out. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. It was a lot of effort just to meet Coulson's eyes. "Crawford? Crawford?!"

I nodded as the world slowly started to stop spinning, forcing more bile down my throat. "Go get him," I managed to croak.

"Stay here," he ordered gently. "She has a concussion! I need someone to escort her to an ambulance!" he shouted to the gathered cops as he walked off into the station where screams were coming from. I could hear them coming sharply into focus as things started to become clearer. I needed to get in there, concussion be damned.

I was helped slowly to my feet, gripping the officer as I nearly fell over from the vertigo- my stomach threatening to rebel once again. Once he was positive I was stable, he started to lead me towards blue and red lights on the street. But that wasn't the way I wanted to go at all, especially with the commotion that was occurring behind me-shouting, gunshots, smashing glass. I needed to go that way. I tried to break free and take off, but only managed to fall on my hands and knees.

They pulled me up again and I kept fighting to get to my team, though it was clear I wasn't getting anywhere at this point. I was only managing to make these police officers somewhat annoyed. " _I have a clear shot. Do you copy_?" Ward's voice came through my earpiece. My heart dropped.

"No Ward!" I shouted, knowing all I could do was verbally contribute as I was sat in the back of an ambulance. "Ward, you can't!"

" _Coulson, do you copy?_ " he repeated, making it clear my opinion had no weight to him. I nearly started hyperventilating as I waited, pushing away any paramedic who tried to look me over. I was in agony, but we could worry about me later. It seemed to drag on for hours before another gunshot echoed through the air and I stopped breathing.

" _Subject is in stable condition. All clear at Union Station,_ " Coulson's voice cut through the silence. I grabbed my chest and let out the deepest breath I wasn't aware I had been holding. Fitz-Simmons had done it. Mike Peterson was alive and everyone was okay. I hadn't failed too badly. I mean I had completely screwed up getting taken out of the action by a freaking door, but at least it hadn't cost anyone anything. I could build on this. Always keep an eye out for flying doors. Lesson so learned.

A few minutes later, the sun became blocked and I looked up to see Coulson standing over me in concern. I managed a smile. "You have no idea how much I wanted to be in there, sir."

"But you listened. Unexpected… but appreciated." He took a seat next to me.

"I'm sorry, sir. I let myself get taken out by a van door and couldn't help you. I really wanted to help you-do my job." I was almost tearing up, but I blamed it solely on the adrenaline wearing off and the full brunt of pain I was experiencing hitting me. "I'm sorry I let you down."

"You did no such thing, Crawford," he assured me. "We know you're not explicitly trained for combat like Ward and myself are. I thought we could counter it by keeping the situation from being hostile, but it's clear we both have to adjust our expectations of what a normal day is going to be like." He gently patted my knee in a way that made me believe what he was saying- that I wasn't a complete and utter train wreck of an Agent. "I'm glad you're okay. That's what's important here, okay?" I managed a nod, biting my lip. "You should let them look you over then."

He started to rise, but in a moment of desperation I grabbed his arm. I was suddenly completely exhausted and drained from this whole thing. From trying so desperately to fit in, from trying to be Agent Ashleigh Crawford for the first time, from getting hit by a flying door. "Can I please just go back to the Bus and get looked at there, sir?" I hated sounding weak and needy, but I just couldn't handle a hospital visit. I really couldn't. It had been a very long day. "Please?"

He seemed to debate for a moment before helping me onto my feet slowly and allowing me to lean on him as we made our way back towards the van. We passed May who merely nodded at the two of us, sporting a split lip herself. Then was Skye who looked completely out of place with everything going on around her. But I liked her and I could tell from her concern she liked me. I got the feeling Coulson was going to find some way to keep her around. I could just tell. This was followed by Fitz-Simmons. She hovered over me briefly before Coulson shooed her away, while he just offered me a wave I just managed to return. Ward was waiting at the Jeep, and after giving me an once-over decided to show some manners and not pick a fight with the girl who had a concussion. In fact, he held the passenger door open so Coulson could help me in before taking the backseat himself. I would almost call him chivalrous, but the concussion had clearly messed with the wiring of my brain because that couldn't be true. Fitz-Simmons followed and we started off back to the Bus with quick efficiency for my sake.

I felt myself start to drift off when I was harshly poked in my left arm. I pivoted to see Fitz was the culprit. "You can't fall asleep, remember?"

"That's a myth, dummy," I answered with a yawn. "You're supposed to be smart."

"It's a myth if you have no symptoms," he corrected. "You have symptoms, so I'm not letting you fall asleep for you sake."

"How kind of you."

Simmons leaned in front of him so she was now in my field of view. "I can stitch that up once we get back," she offered with a nod to my right arm. I started to nod, but my brain suddenly remembered that was an awful idea.

"Thank you, really, but I think I'd like May to do it. No offense but she does have the most experience." I couldn't help but pat myself on the back for that cover, only to feel bad when Simmons's face fell as if I had hurt her feelings.

"That's okay. I understand," she said in a way that was desperate to sound genuine. I reached out and squeezed her hand, clearly becoming slightly delirious from exhaustion.

"You did great today, Simmons." She started to blush as I shifted my view to the person she was blocking. "You too, Fitz." My eyes then locked with the third member or the backseat who was regarding me coldly. "I don't think I have anything to offer you," I couldn't help but snap at him.

Simmons's other hand gently covered mine. "Jemma," she told me with a large smile. "Call me Jemma."

"And I'm Leo… if you like that better. I really answer to either equally," Fitz sputtered.

"Ashleigh."

This was my team. This was a normal day at work. And I was starting to face that future with excitement rather than fear. It was still there though for sure just to be clear though. Lots of it.

XXX

 _There was fire everywhere. I had my shirt pulled up over my mouth, but even then I was still coughing from all the smoke. A window. I just had to make my way to a window. I could do this._

 _Then the entire floor started to tip sideways, sliding me directly in the path of the flames._

XXX

I shot up from my cot, knocking my head on the ceiling as I took a gasping breath. Bad dream. Really bad dream- like too many details for it to just be a bad dream really. But I swallowed all that as I rocked back and forth rubbing my arms, desperate to get a grip before someone saw me like this. My hand glided over the stitches May had expertly done without a word before tossing me another sweater. She hadn't even really looked at the tattoo, which was surprising. But I had shrugged it off and made my way over to the cots, ready to get some shut-eye even though night hadn't quite fallen yet.

I managed to pull myself together quickly by pushing everything I had seen as far to the back of my mind as possible. My memories could wait, especially if they were going to be like that. If that even was a memory actually. Maybe the concussion was making me see things.

Still, I had trouble falling back to sleep as I stared at the ceiling of my cot, headache a dull roar after some pills. I decided to blame it on having the top bunk coupled with a clear fear of heights and climbed down, choosing a new one on the ground floor right next to Fitz. I collapsed in the bed, decided this was better even if I knew deep down it wasn't, and forced myself to drift off once again with my fingers crossed there wouldn't be any more surprises.

I think I'd had just about all I could handle in a day really. Hopefully things would slow down for a bit tomorrow.

Yeah, something told me that wasn't going to happen.

XXX


	5. Peru

_Peru_

"Oh, oh yeah. There's only one left and it's right next to mine," was the high-pitched words that managed to pull me out of my deep sleep. But what really woke me up was feeling as if something was thrown on top of me. I let out a loud groan and opened my eyes to see Fitz towering over me with a confused expression on his face. "Ashleigh? I'm sorry. I didn't- what-what are you doing here?"

He at least had the decency to remove the box as I sat up, registering Simmons and Skye behind him with bags of her own. So Coulson was letting her join us after all, just like I expected. Well, it would certainly make things more fun around here for Ward especially. And I always wanted to make sure Grant Ward had fun. But for the moment I turned my attention back to Fitz, running a hand through my knotted and crazy hair. "What does it look like I'm doing, genius?"

"But your bunk's the one they had to install- the high one across from Ward." Wow. Someone doth protest much. Fitz seemed a little too eager when it came to Skye, but I knew calling him out in front of her wasn't the way to go. He didn't react well to that type of stuff.

"I don't like heights," I responded with a shrug. "I thought that I could handle, but after nearly falling out of it last night I though a change of scenery was required. I didn't know it made me susceptible to having boxes thrown on top of me; otherwise I might have considered a bit more." He looked apologetic, but I made sure to convey with a wave of my hand I was only joking. "What time is it?"

"It's actually almost been a day, Ashleigh," Simmons answered kindly. "Coulson said to just let you sleep as much as you wanted after yesterday. How are you feeling?"

I took stock for a second. Fitz was staring at me like he was uncomfortable and I didn't know why. That was weird. Focus, Ashleigh. My head still had a dull throbbing, but it wasn't nearly as awful as yesterday. I could live with it. "Doing better, thanks. I suppose I should get up and seize the day though." I pulled the covers off and rose to my feet, glad there was no dizziness to accompany it. I gave Skye a sincere smile. "Welcome aboard. I'm so glad you could join us."

"Thanks. I'm looking forward to it."

"I'll clear out my old bunk and you can have that if that's alright," I told her as I made my way to my old bunk. She just nodded, clearly not wanting to step on my toes, and I quickly gathered up my clothes and pictures. "See you guys in a few." They waved me off as I dropped my stuff on my new bed, picking out a pair of clothes for the day. I perhaps should have found out where we were going, but it would always involve long sleeves so I guess it didn't really matter. As I emerged I almost ran straight into Ward who was clearly heading straight for Skye and still not happy with me judging by the harsh elbow I received. But unfortunately it was his big, fat, muscular elbow so I nearly lost my balance.

"Seriously?!" I shouted after him, but he merely ignored me to thrust something in Skye's hand. "Real mature, Grant Ward!" I started around the corner to track down a shower when I nearly ran into Coulson. He went to say something, but I decided to save him the trouble. "I'm feeling much better, sir. Ready to get going and see what today has in store."

He stood there for a beat. "I was going compliment your improvement in your relationship with Ward… sarcastically, but as what probably should have been my first questions that's good to hear."

"Sweet ride," Skye joined in from behind us, taking the plane in. Coulson smiled with pride as he glanced around as well. I was meanwhile was finally waking up and coming to the stark realization that I was standing in front of my supervising agents in a long-sleeved yellow pajama shirt and a pair of polka dot shorts Maria Hill had provided me. No wonder Fitz had been giving me an odd look back there. Not exactly the image I think I was supposed to be getting across.

"I earned a little goodwill from Director Fury when I got hit right before the battle of New York," he explained as I hurriedly tried to sneak around them to find wherever the shower was on this plane. It had to have one right? They had to expect us to be clean. Or at least get to the bathroom so I could put on some pants. I'm pretty sure an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. should always be wearing pants. "Crawford," Coulson caught me before I could round the corner. "That'll have to wait until we're up in the air. Buckle up," he ordered, taking a seat on one of the couches. Skye followed suit and I awkwardly did the same, trying to find a point in the room with no windows in my vision. I needed to keep my wits about me and not completely humiliate myself any further.

"I don't even know where we're going," Skye confessed, obviously still a little out of sorts. I decided to donate a little more of my dignity to make her feel better.

"I don't either, honestly. Just woke up, actually. Not exactly on the ball." She turned to look at me and I just gave her a smile. Luckily, she seemed to pick up on what I was doing and slowly smiled back. I felt like Skye and I were starting to become friends slowly but surely. She was somehow cooler than me, the supposed Agent. Maybe I could learn a thing or two from her in terms of poise.

Coulson let me comment slip without comment, and I guessed he had guessed my purpose as well. Probably chalked it up to my special skill… which was actually what I was attempting weirdly enough. I didn't have too much time to dive into it mentally before he answered a more burning question. "Peru. That's where the 0-8-4 was reported," he explained with a significant look to me. I realized quickly enough it was because I was supposed to know what that meant and gave a nod that hopefully reflected knowledge of the right degree. I could only hope Skye would-

"And an 0-8-4 is…?" Skye asked, looking between the two of us. Whew. Skye had delivered just what I needed. I gestured for Coulson to go ahead and explain, hoping I didn't look too suspicious to him.

"An object of unknown origin," he explained, clearing up absolutely nothing for me. I felt the plane start moving and desperately tried to focus on him. "Kind of like you. Team goes in- determines if it's useful or if it poses a threat. Last one turned out to be pretty interesting, though from what I've read you've seen a few yourself Crawford."

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. She didn't. She didn't actually put that in my fake background. Goddamn you, Maria Hill. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? I could already feel Skye turning towards me to ask the obvious question. Otherwise known as the one I had no idea how to properly answer without betraying everything. The plane lifted into the air and I desperately tried to keep my eyes away from any windows as well as their faces. I was running out of places to look fast as my ears started ringing. I realized then I was literally holding my breath in anxiety over the situation. "What kind did you see?" Skye asked and the plane might as well have dropped out of the sky the way my stomach felt. Why didn't I just stay in bed?

I needed an out that didn't just involve me sprinting down the hallway screaming at the top of my lungs, which was what I felt like doing with this whole situation. I was in a tin can in the air being given what felt like the third degree. I was pretty sure my mouth was open dumbly and Coulson and Skye were starting to look concerned.

Concern. Play off the concern. I grabbed my head and let out a hiss of pain, trying to appear as if I was steadying my breathing through gritted teeth. Skye's hand was instantly on my shoulder with worry and Coulson looked ready to get up the second we were stably in the air. "I'm sorry," I muttered, weak but not pathetic. It was a fine balance. "I'm sorry, but I think the altitude… it's like someone just slammed a hammer into my skull." I took a deep breath as Skye placed a cold water bottle she had to my head. It was actually an incredibly thoughtful gesture that moved me a lot. She had a big heart for certain. "I'll be fine. I just think I need a minute."

Once we were at out altitude, Coulson got to his feet and came back moments later with a handful of pills. "These should help." I nodded as he dropped them into my hands. I could see he looked torn. "I need to make some-"

"I'll be fine. I promise. Go." He was really worried about me. I tried not to let that be a sledgehammer of guilt coming down on me, but it was hard not to feel bad that I was deceiving him to save my own skin. Being a spy sucked in that regard. I would make it up to him somehow I promised myself- whatever it took.

"Make sure she eats," he told Skye. "That might help some as well." He started down the hallway, but looked back over his shoulder. "But don't let her cook." I would have laughed if I weren't faking a headache.

After checking to make sure I wasn't big on germs- I didn't think I was but I could never be sure at this point- Skye let take a sip of her water bottle to take the pills. We sat for a few minutes with her just rubbing my back before I decided it was safe to get up and say I was getting better. "I can cook you something while you're in the shower," she promised. "It's the least I can do since your concussion is my fault."

I shook my head. "Don't think of it like that. I was doing my job to help my friend and I wouldn't change that." I got to my feet and grabbed my clothes from where I had casually dropped them. "I really appreciate it, Skye. I'm glad we got to keep you."

"I'm glad too."

With that, I made my way through the hallway, avoiding looking at any windows, and managed to track down the shower. I tried it to make it quick and efficient though as an Agent would and as I had perfected from my weeks in my cell. Plus my stitched arm was irritating something fierce when the water hit it. I made a mental list of ways I could make up things to Coulson and Skye that didn't involve meals and desperately trying to avoid thinking about my nightmare from last night. Obviously I wasn't very successful. I dried off and threw on my outfit for the day: a pair of khaki shorts with a belt, laced boots with socks, and another long-sleeved button-up sweater over a grey cami tucked in. The top would suck royally for Peru, but there wasn't much I could do about that. I hastily put my hair up in a ponytail and made my way back to the kitchen.

"Wow," I couldn't help but say as I noted a stack of pancakes waiting for me. I took a seat at the table and Skye slid me the syrup bottle. "This is pretty impressive."

"Thanks," she shrugged. "Fitz-Simmons already blew through here and took a bunch, but I made sure you had enough. Eat up." I took my first bite and was floored. It was by far the best thing I had eaten since waking up. I started shoving them in my mouth in a very un-ladylike manner, but I didn't care.

"These are seriously amazing," I complimented. "I might need to take some lessons, my friend."

"Well, I'd be happy to show you… but you might be beyond help is all I'm saying. Especially if you're planning on wearing long sleeves in Peru."

"Ha. Ha. Ha." I finished up and rose, destination in mind. "It's an Agent thing. I have to go check in with May. Thanks again."

May was flying the plane with her shades on and didn't even make a note of my entrance. I fell into the co-pilot seat facing her, feet dangling over the armrest. "So I know Maria Hill thought she was doing me a favor by making up this past history for me, but it keeps trying to screw me over. Skye asked me about the 0-8-4's I've encountered in front of Coulson, and I have no idea what the hell that even is. I managed to cover, but soon enough a shoe's going to drop. So as the person reporting her, could you please sometime convey my… frustrations with these circumstances?" She merely reached one hand in the bag next to her and held a tablet out to me.

"I was going to give this to you yesterday, but then I had to stitch you up instead." I took it from her and the screen flickered to life. "Bio-encoded and no one can trace your history. It has information on any S.H.I.E.L.D. file Fury thinks might be relevant- including your supposed past deeds in detail. I recommend you start studying so we can avoid 'shoes dropping'." Her tone was icy and really off-putting honestly. It rubbed me the wrong way a lot.

"You make it sound like it's my fault I got a concussion yesterday." She said nothing, but I could tell I was right. I felt this need to defend myself, stick up for how I was managing. "He's going to put me in those situations. It's what I'm on here for to him. And it's also what I'm on here for according to Fury. I'm doing the best I can considering I have no training and about a month of my life in my brain. So excuse me for not noticing the flying door in time. Coulson did."

"Coulson doesn't need you here taking his focus off the missions. You are going to keep putting yourself out of your league and getting hurt," she argued, voice rising just a touch. It was terrifying, but I was pissed now.

"Well, Agent May, that's just how things are going to be. I don't think you're worried about Coulson. You're worried about yourself and how it's going to look to Fury if you keep letting me get hurt. I don't see you offering to put in the effort to train me yourself though, just saying. But I'm not going anywhere. I'm here on Fury's orders. Coulson likes me. Deal with it." With that, I turned my attention to the tablet, pulling up my personal files. She didn't say anything and I started to feel immense pride at having the last word, but this was May. So instead I was mostly unnerved at the whole development as the cockpit was eerily silent. She was saving the battle for another time and I needed to look out for that.

Instead, I buried myself in learning about my two 0-8-4 missions, including the fact that I was apparently there when we found Thor's hammer. Coulson and I never encountered one another- of course- but I had been in the background with my supervising agent to help out. That soon led me to spending the rest of my flight once I memorized details researching and learning more about these Avengers. And no offense meant to Coulson- Captain America seemed cool- but I was for Iron Man all the way. What girl wouldn't fall for a snarky tech guru who made his own stuff after all?

XXX

We landed on the local airstrip after I managed to make my way through Bruce Banner's available info and I left my tablet on my new bed as I made my way to load up so we could head to the dig site. I picked the white Jeep with Coulson, Skye, and our guide to lead us to the dig site-desperate to avoid Ward and May at the moment. After assuring the two I was doing much better since the amazing pancakes, we spent the ride discussing the area and I offered some details on the two 0-8-4's I had encountered.

"It's just weird to think we were both there, sir. That Agent Barton was as well was a bit of a let-down too," I told a smiling Coulson. "For a little Agent like myself who was only a couple years in, it was thrilling to be in the company of giants."

"Did you get to see him?" he asked. "The God of Thunder?"

I shook my head. "Not personally. Maybe one day." The Jeep came to a stop with tents on either side of us and we proceeded to climb out of the car with the others coming out of the one behind us. Skye took in both Ward and Mya before nudging me.

"And here I thought you were kidding about the long-sleeve thing," she whispered. Indeed, both were sporting black and Ward was even in his suit- which seemed like the cherry on the unbearable sundae. I was already sweating from being out here a few minutes. I noticed Fitz-Simmons making their way through the brush towards our destination and took off to join them- too curious to see what was on the other side to wait longer.

"It's neurotoxic, proteolytic, and hemolytic," Jemma was telling Fitz as I came up behind the two of them, causing him to chuckle nervously.

"Seems like I walked in on a great point of the conversation," I cut in. "I hope she isn't scaring you too badly, Fitz."

"No. No. I'm fine," he said in a very unconvincing manner. We continued carefully through the jungle, Jemma practically bouncing up and down at all the plant life.

"You shouldn't be. I'd be much more concerned with earthquakes, mala-"An insect landed on Fitz's neck without his notice and in a small bout of panic I proceed to slap it dead before he even had a chance to notice. At first he didn't understand why I was slapping him, but the moment he did I could tell he was beyond thankful of my intervention. Jemma was getting to the both of us it seemed. She had witnessed the moment and proceeded to a new topic as Fitz now scratched at his neck. "There's no vaccine for dengue fever."

"Not helping," I uttered. She was about to say something else that was probably horrifying, but we all came to a screeching halt at the site of the monument before us. It was enormous, constructed of bricks and showing its age with vines and grass growing all over it. It was easily the most impressive thing I had ever seen, and I felt smaller just standing near it. "Whoa."

"Look at this," Jemma said in awe before scrambling up the steps to the first landing where a hole had been made into the structure. Fitz and I just looked at each other before following. Jemma was practically glowing with excitement as she examined it. "Just look at it." She pulled out her camera and turned to Fitz with a large smile. "We need a picture. Our first real adventure out in the field." He instantly agreed and moved next to her as she held the camera up. I took to looking around as I waited for them to have their moment, taking in just how grand the whole experience was. I wondered if I knew I was going to be seeing things like this, or if I had even seen it before. Where had I been in my past life?

I heard someone clearing their throat and I turned to Fitz-Simmons. "I asked if you wanted to get in one with us, Ashleigh." Jemma repeated.

"Oh, I don't want to-"

"Nonsense," she urged, gesturing for me to join them.

"Yeah. Come on," Fitz agreed with her urging. I awkwardly held my ground, so she stuck her hand out for me to take.

"You're a part of this too. You're going to be just as big a part of our memories." I made my way over, desperately trying to contain the surge of emotion I was feeling towards the two scientists, and smiled brilliantly at the camera as I moved in. She snapped a couple, arm wobbling to fit us all in. My first real picture. It was almost choking me up how much this meant to me. My new life was really starting now and it was going to turn into memories that I could keep this time. "I'll make sure to print you out a copy when we get back." I nodded in thanks, unbelieving at just how kind and welcoming she was and how excited she was about this whole adventure. I was really starting to feel like I was making friends. Like maybe I stood a real chance at fitting in with these people… well, some of them. The ones that mattered.

Coulson and Skye had caught up to us and made their way to a man who had just emerged from the opening with a head carved above it. "Good morning, Professor," Coulson addressed the man. "I'm Agent Coulson with S.H.I.E.L.D. I understand you've made an interesting discovery."

The professor nodded, looking almost haunted in a way. "I-I'm not sure how to explain it. This temple dates back at least 500 years. It's filled with pre-Incan artifacts. One of them is impossible and looks like it might be dangerous."

"Well, that's why we're here." The professor started into through the opening and the rest of us followed single file, myself behind Fitz and before Skye. We proceeded down some stairs and through another opening, I was extra careful to keep my footing about me, to enter a larger room. I instantly noted what appeared to be a metal object buried in a wall decorated with some design. It had bits of blue that were glowing, and overall looked like it very much did not belong in this place at all.

Coulson moved closer to the object as I did, while Fitz and Simmons knelt down to open the case he had brought along. "Exactly as we found it," the professor told us.

"Who else knows about this?"

"Just the ministry. I believe they are the ones who contacted you."

Coulson nodded, looking at it again. The object seemed to be half-way into the way horizontally, like someone had been trying to shove it in there. "Sir, I need you and you team to evacuate the sight until we determine the risk associated with this object."

Whirring started from behind us and soon small, flying droid objects were making their way past us. I immediately guessed they had to be a Fitz-Simmons creation, though it didn't stop me from jumping at first, and that was confirmed when I saw Jemma tapping away at a control panel she had unfolded. One hovered in front of the professor, who seemed much more put off than I was. "Leave the man alone," Jemma warned the droid, and it then proceeded to scan the object while the others went to walls and places of their own in the room.

"Now- for your own safety," Coulson re-iterated. The professor quickly and efficiently exited as I made my way to look over Jemma's shoulder at what the droids were seeing.

"This is pretty spectacular," I made sure the two of them were aware. They merely smiled at me in pride and kept going about the room.

"Nothing about this anywhere," Skye told us from where she was typing on her phone. "It's amazing. I searched every data stream." She put the phone down and made her way towards it, fingertip extended. I could instantly tell that was a bad idea. "What do you got here, guys?"

Fitz spoke up before I could and with more authority than I could have probably had. "Whoa, car-uh, careful. I-I-no, I wouldn't do that." Though he certainly wasn't more elegant.

Jemma as usual cut in to clean up a bit on her partner's part. "The object's placement in fossiliferous rock formations suggests it's been here for at least 1,500 years. That pre-dates this temple by a millennium." Well, that was interesting. "Ah! Maybe it's alien," she exclaimed, clearly excited at the prospect. Alien. I had actually forgotten I might be dealing with alien.

"Yeah, but the shape and craftsmanship- it's almost German," Fitz pointed out as he examined his own screen. I continued to look over Jemma's shoulder for another minute as the droid called Sleepy apparently continued its examination. She actually seemed to welcome me in her space, making room so I could look on. I almost wondered if she thought I was Fitz for a moment, but then she gave me a look of pure glee as if to see if I was as excited as she was. It honestly raised my curiosity just to be next to her.

The Ward's voice came through Coulson's walky-talky. " _Sir?_ "

He picked it up, eyes never leaving the object. "Go."

" _We have a situation._ " And just like that my high came crashing down and my body was instantly put on high alert. I turned towards the entrance, but saw no sign of anybody thankfully.

"Lots of rebels in this area," Skye told Coulson as if she was reminding him.

He shook his head. "Not enough gunfire. Keep working." He then stepped towards the exit, nodding at me to follow him. "We're on our way," he told Ward as I fell in line behind him. "Be ready to talk to them. We need to keep this situation from turning violent." I nodded; trying to be the person I was yesterday afternoon who embraced this. I could do this.

We stepped out to quite the scene: May had two guns pointed defiantly at half a dozen men with guns pointed at her, Ward had a man in a chokehold, and a lot of men with guns were crouched behind a few Jeeps that must have pulled up. It was very intimidating as a few of them then were pointed at the two of us.

"Buenos Dias. Soy Agente Coulson," he began calmly in Spanish. "Estamos aqui por un asunto de la seguridad internacional." At his words, a woman with dark hair in a ponytail had made her way forward, flanked by two men. She was looking at us in disbelief for some reason.

"Phillip?"

"Camilla?" he questioned, recognizing her as well. "Do you mind?" he looked the situation.

"After you," she said almost playfully. Coulson gave the nod and both May and Ward eased up on their weapons. Soon she shouted at her guys in Spanish and they took the guns off us, which to me was a major win for our team. She made her way up to us, big smile on her face. "And now for a proper hello." She kissed him on both cheeks and I could tell from a glance at Ward that he wasn't a fan of this development. I didn't know quite how I felt either, but I trusted Coulson enough to go along with his obvious trust of her.

"Agent Melinda May, Agent Grant Ward, Agent Ashleigh Crawford," Coulson grabbed my attention, "this is comandante Camilla Reyes. She's with the Policia Militar del Peru." She looked my way and I made sure to give her a polite nod. "We used to work together back in the day." And there was something about the way he said that which piqued my curiosity and judging from May's scoff she felt the same way. "Let the team know everything's okay." Ward and May moved up the steps to go past us, but I stayed rooted in my spot. I wasn't quite leaving him alone with her yet, trust or no trust. May's nod as she passed seemed to indicate she agreed with me, but she seemed like the paranoid type. Ugh, I hope I wasn't. That would be exhausting.

"I know you've found a strange object on Peruvian soil," Reyes spoke up. "We should have a conversation about how to proceed."

"Of course. But an 0-8-4 supersedes all national claims." See, I had actually known that one. Learned it while I was studying.

"You look good." I rolled my eyes slightly at the change of topic. It felt to me like this woman was trying too hard.

"Yeah. I work out."

She put an arm around him and led him down the steps. "Come. Let me show you something." I didn't wait to be invited and instead merely followed them, intent on keeping myself as close to Coulson as possible. He had his guard down now, which meant mine needed to be sky high.

And with that I realized I was indeed a paranoid person. Spectacular.

We started through the jungle back to the road, neither either noticing me or telling me to buzz off and go back. I just kept my eyes glancing around as I listened to them chatter about chocolate for some strange reason. Yeah, they had totally been a thing. You couldn't convince me otherwise in the slightest. It was slightly cute but mostly gross, especially when she brought up the device again like she was trying to use it to bargain with him. I was being really harsh on this woman I had just met, wasn't I? I needed to chill out-

Boom! The shacks behind us exploded up in flames, derailing any playful nature. Both Coulson and Reyes pulled out their guns as firing started, myself getting yanked behind him roughly. "Rebels. Both of you stay close. Camilla, on my six. Crawford, behind me." They started forward and I moved with them, wondering how the hell I was supposed to protect Coulson with no weapon. Instead once again he was looking out for me because I was in a situation I had no idea how to cope with. I was now officially 0 for 2. I would have to take my bow from May and Ward's standing ovation later.

Both of them were firing as I was practically glued to his back, slightly afraid for my life but trusting him to have my back. A truck also exploded and this time I barely flinched. Should I be concerned this was starting to grow ordinary? We simply kept running, the both of them firing every which way before they kicked over a table by one of the tents. I ducked behind it, head and back pressed against the wood as I tried to control my breathing, as the two of them kept firing.

"Your men need to fall back now, or we'll never make the runway." They both reloaded in the instant we had before I felt a hand on my knee. "Stay with us, Crawford." I nodded, completely ready for the next round so we could get the hell out of here. "Now-your truck! Let's go!" They both rose and I followed, staying between the two of them and trying to keep up as they worked flawlessly to cover one another, spinning and picoting in a dizzying manner. I didn't even have time to register the bodies or the chaos- I just kept moving.

We managed to make it to the temple once again, only to see Skye, Fitz, and Simmons were basically pinned in the temple with no one to help them get out but Ward. Maybe I should have gone with them. They seemed to need more protecting than Coulson did right now. Had I screwed this whole thing up with the wrong choice after all? They were being fired on heavily, and in a moment of decision Ward clicked a long staff that Coulson seemed to recognize. "Tell you men to get down," Coulson told Reyes, who repeated the same in Spanish. We all hit the ground and a minute later a pulsing blue light flew out over all of us, knocking those on their feet to the ground with efficiency.

We seized the moment to make a run for Reye's truck and I had no shame in jumping in first as the two of them somehow took the moment to be cute with one another. Men, smelly men, piled in on either side of me and we were off, ducking to avoid the bullets that came at us from the back window. The men in the car fired back at the car behind us while I just kept as close to the ground as possible. Deep breaths. It was going to be alright.

We made it to the Bus with no casualties, and climbed out just as the ramp started to go up. I heeded Coulson's words and stuck right behind him as we made our way up the ramp just in time with Reyes and her men behind us. I cannot convey how lucky I was with all the bullets headed my way, but Coulson trusted me to be behind him and protected me to the best of his ability since I was. It was honestly all a big blur and when I finally was safe in the Bus I proceeded to go to my knees and take several wheezing deep breaths. I looked to see everyone but May was there, all in states of pure panic and disarray. "I got to say it," Skye wheezed. "I miss my van."

I almost laughed, but was too out of breath. Instead my attention was drawn to Ward. "Now, what was the problem?" he said very snippily, addressing Fitz in particular.

Fitz pointed to the black bag we were all now gathered around. "As I said before, this device has a high-frequency, fluctuating, sub-material compression-"

"Fitz, in English," Ward snipped again.

"Just let him talk, Ward," I countered, glaring at him. "Please proceed, Fitz."

Fitz was pretty fed up as well and it showed in how he addressed our teammate. "The 0-8-4 is fueled by tesseract technology. Hydra. World War II. Captain America." All terms I now recognized, not to toot my own horn and steal the moment. Which meant I was grappling what bad news this thing was. "It's full of lethal amount of gamma radiation."

"Gamma- you're saying it's nuclear?"

Ward obviously wasn't taking the hint, but Coulson decided to help him a much more polite manner than I would have managed. "No. He's saying it's much, much worse." And with that, we all almost in sync took a worried step or scooch away from the black bag in fear.

XXX

I stuck by Skye's side, you could practically feel the fear radiating off her, as Simmons opened the black bag we- not me- had moved to the lab after taking a few minutes to gather our wits. She gently lifted the device up and could see the both of us were clearly very tense. "Not to worry. The device is stable. Not that it couldn't explode at any minute, especially if hit with machine-gun fire." She was clearly trying to calm herself as well as us, and it seemed to be working for absolutely no one. "But things like this happen from time to time when in the field, and at first, it's very unpleasant, and you regret your decision to leave the lab at all." I took the moment to make my way over to her and just rub her back to try and calm her down. I don't know if it worked, but she seemed to appreciate the gesture, taking a deep breath.

"We're going to figure this out," I reminded her, trying to sound confident. I looked at Skye as well. Somehow I had become responsible for holding the room together. "It's going to be fine."

"Are you mental?" we heard Fitz exclaim as he and Ward entered the room, deflating the moment of calm I had worked so hard to create. "I did explain in great detail what I meant; using the Queen's bloody English!"

"I use normal English- words like 'duck' and 'run' and 'might blow us to pieces'," Ward argued back as Fitz began to mess with some sort of normal gun. The tension was back in the room again as Skye and Jemma watched on.

"Oh. Oh! Well, congratulations, Agent Ward. You managed to string three words together in a sentence." It dissolved to pure bickering from there, each of them on either side of the 0-8-4 while Skye had one corner and myself another. I tried to get words in to get us to stop and probably take Fitz's side, but it was no use. They were both clearly letting out a lot of feelings about… each other's accents apparently and it wasn't my fight. Didn't mean I wouldn't pick one at the earliest opportunity though.

"Do we have a problem here?" I flinched at the sound of Coulson behind me, and the two gentlemen immediately stopped.

"No, sir," Ward clearly lied. Jemma rolled her eyes and I was kind of itching to punch him. "Just working on our communication. Not everyone was prepared for a firefight," he admitted, glancing pointedly at the four of us.

Coulson looked us over too. "We got out, didn't lose anyone, saved a few of theirs- I'd say we did all right." He took a beat before addressing the now somber room again. "Anything else?"

Skye's hand went into the air and I put my hand on my forehead. This wasn't going to be good. We all just needed to be quiet and get to work. Otherwise we were just going to have more fights. "Uh, yeah. I have a small question." Her attitude told me we were going right back to square one. "Because I've been feeling like the tagalong hayseed rookie, but now I get the sense that Ward doesn't know which one's Simmons and which one's Fitz, and they've seen even less gunfire than me, and Ashleigh seems to have no combat skills as the person in the middle of a firefight without a gun needing your protection, and I'm no rocket scientist… but is this your first mission together?" Yeah, she had offended everyone in the room with one go. This was not going to end well. I was even offended. It was true, but I was offended.

"No," Simmons countered with an attitude I hadn't seen on her before. "Of course not. It's our second."

"I was your first?" Skye smiled. "That's sweet."

"You're amused," Ward went at her now. I just tried to hold my tongue. It was nigh on impossible at this point, but Coulson was in the room. I had an image to maintain and slightly fix actually. If I started throwing punches or dicing word it wouldn't help that.

"I'm terrified," she countered, voice breaking a bit. I felt for her in a way, because I felt exactly the same way. "I am in way over my head, but I have been on this team just as long as any of you. I might as well be team captain." Jemma scoffed and Coulson just stared her down in a way that drained all her bravado instantly. "I was joking, but maybe that's not a bad idea. Because some of these guys do not like each other much."

"This isn't about that," Ward disagreed as he turned his attention to Coulson. "I'm a specialist. Today, I could have eliminated the threat myself-"

"Sure you could have," I couldn't help but join in the mayhem. The straw had broken the camel's back. "You are just so full of yourself it makes me sick."

He ignored me and kept going. "I could have eliminated the threat myself if I was working alone, but I had non-combat-ready agents-"

"Who, whoa," Fitz now took his turn. "Wait. You work alone?"

Simmons joined in from his side. "So typical. Who do you think designs your equipment?"

"Or the polymers for your weaponry?" He then then said, "People like us do," at the same moment Jemma said the much more preferred, "Try going into the field with just your bare bum."

"No man is an island," I sent his way as Skye made her way next to Coulson. "We all need each other to-"

"Don't you start your talking bullshit on me! You may have everyone else here fooled that you have a skill that makes you an Agent, but I see right through that. You're nothing but a liability that distracts us from our jobs by making sure you don't manage to kill yourself. I don't even know how you got the job."

"See them proving the point I just made?" Skye inquired of Coulson as Jemma and Fitz held me back from jumping over the table. I was furious, mainly because it seemed like he saw through everything. Grant Ward was not fooled by my act and that was very scary indeed. I don't know what I hoped to accomplish, but maybe I could punch it out of him. And it was the second time that day I heard I was nothing but a distraction to them rather than the help I was meant to be. It was getting very frustrating in my ego.

"You're not wrong," Coulson admitted. "We still need to iron out the kinks. But, Ward, you can speak six languages. Crawford, you talked a man down from blowing up all of Cairo single-handedly." That was a lie, but I got what he was going for. "Simmons, you have two PhD's in fields I can't pronounce. And, Fitz, you are a rocket scientist. So work it out." And with that, he was gone, leaving us all in the silence of having been chewed out. I didn't exactly feel better, but that may be because mine hadn't been true. Not that anyone else knew that.

"I-I'm- I'm good at stuff, too," Skye called after him, making me chuckle. "Shut up," she said playfully to me before we all stood for another moment in silence.

I took initiative and clapped my hands, earning everyone's attention. "You heard the man. Let's get to it." And with that and not another word Fitz-Simmons got to work- going into their zone while Skye, Ward, and I went to leave the lab. I was personally planning on grabbing my tablet and doing some more studying while we had a calm moment. I knew it wasn't going to last long.

XXX

I quickly grew bored with hanging out in my bunk, nerves on edge and honestly not wanting to be alone, and tried to decide where to go after grabbing one of the TV dinners in the fridge. I didn't want to go up front with May, Ward was reading and as fun as disturbing him would be I was trying to grow as a person, Skye was taking a personal moment, Coulson was with our guest, so that left the lab. I made my way back in, enjoying some soggy green beans as the two of them were looking over holograms on their table and barely paying me any mind.

"We're lucky the drones didn't trigger while we were taking electromagnetic reading," Fitz was brainstorming with Simmons. "This is a weapon, powerful enough to-"

"Enough to melt through 50 feet of solid rock to bury itself," she finished, earning my attention. I made my way over to the display behind them and stared at the blue square. "Imagine what it could do to a person."

"Yeah, or an airplane," Fitz added nervously. He seemed to smell something and turned towards me. "Is that mac and cheese?"

"Yes," I said with my mouth full. "And I will be happy to share some with the starving scientist if he repeats in a way I can understand what's going on."

"Basically, this thing is a laser and really strong one too. We need to be really careful."

"That's it? That's all I missed?" I quipped with my mouth full. She shrugged as he nodded. "You guys use so many words you make it sound a lot more than that. But a promise is a promise." I handed my fork over to him with a bow.

"Thank you," he said, before basically eating the whole thing in one bite. I turned to see Simmons looked a little grossed out by our behavior.

"What? I don't have cooties."

"But did you check the expiration date before you heated that this time?" Fitz stopped mid-chew, but I did my best to look offended.

"Yes… this time. You're fine Fitz. It was impossible for even me to screw this up." He seemed satisfied by this and kept chewing as I turned my attention to the mashed potatoes, grabbing the fork back. Simmons moved behind us to one of the computers, giving us our moment. Our moment. Fitz and I were having a moment. A nice, fun moment as friends free of-

I noticed him before the other two did and a second before the lab doors sung open. And I instantly got a shiver down my spine that told me what bad news this development was. They were with Reyes and she was handily distracting our leader right now. Others were probably by Skye and Ward plus going after May. I had been right about that bitch. Yeah, I could put the pieces together. And I knew Fitz-Simmons didn't stand a chance. This was my moment. I had to do my damn job this time.

I thrust the dinner into Fitz's hand as he looked puzzled. "Stay behind me," I whispered just as the doors opened. He made his way toward us and I immediately charged, trying to have the upper hand. I managed to give him a good punch in the gut and duck under the knife he swept out with the little I had been taught back in my cell days. Fitz-Simmons backed into the corner as another man came from the other door. I gave my guy a punch in the jaw, which really hurt my hand, and sprinted to the other guy before he could take his knife to Fitz. "No!" I collided into him hard, shoving to try and get him off balance. I was moderately successful and kicked him for good measure. I then took the dinner from Fitz and threw it at the other one, coating him in mashed potatoes. I would have laughed if he didn't start right for me.

I would like to say I then pulled out my ninja moves and defeated both handily and without a scratch. But I was me and they were them. Once they both reached me, I managed a hit or two on either before one was behind me with a knife pressed right up against my throat. "Ashleigh!" Simmons shouted, but the other guy kept them from taking a step by standing between us. They just looked on in horror as I was brought before the camera in the room, the bargaining chip Reyes would use to get Coulson to surrender. I struggled, but it only took the knife pricking me to stop that. I had to play this smarter than that.

But for those of you keeping score at home, I was now 0 for 3. Fitz may be safe behind me, but the entire Bus was going to be royally screwed over because Coulson was a good guy. He was going to surrender because of me.

Seriously, I expect a standing ovation anytime.


	6. What's Gonna' Work? Teamwork

_What Gonna' Work? Teamwork!_

I sat with my head against the cargo hold ramp, bemoaning silently the situation we found ourselves in. Everyone seemed to feel the same, silently stewing- except May. She was just flat out unconscious. Sneaky bastards didn't even have the courage to face her because they knew they'd lose… the cowards. But Coulson had of course surrendered the Bus for my life, but to insure his compliance Reyes had tied all of us to the ramp in a line- like lemmings. I don't even know if I really remembered what a lemming was, but the word just somehow seemed appropriate. My neck had at least stopped bleeding from the prick of the knife at this point, so there was that to add to my pile of positives. It was the only one in the pile, but it was a start.

I noticed Fitz was staring at my neck as well from his spot next to me. Another thing to add- I had been the only one who had to be roughed up. They basically hadn't laid a hand on Fitz-Simmons this entire coup other than tying them up. That was a positive. "This is my fault," he told me apologetically. I looked over at him and shook my head. I couldn't blame him even a little bit. I was the big screw-up here.

"No, it's mine. I should have protected the two of you better- fought harder or something."

"Well, I should have been able to help you rather than stand there," he disagreed. "Should have learned Kung Fu."

"Oh yeah, but I shouldn't have pushed you into the field in the first place," Simmons apologized from next to Fitz. And it started to dawn on me that everybody thought they were the big screw-up of the hour. Everyone was blaming themselves, not one person like me for instance. We weren't disappointed in one another. We were mad at ourselves. There might be hope for us yet as a team after all. "You weren't ready."

"Uh we," Fitz disagreed, gesturing his head towards my neck, "we weren't ready." Jemma looked at it and took a beat before nodding in agreement. Now I was just starting to get a bit uncomfortable at all the guilt heading my way. They were scientists. It's not like I expected them to fight while I hid in the corner.

"It was my job to make a proper threat assessment," Ward joined the guilt party, sounding very hard on himself. For the first time I almost wanted to comfort the guy rather than hit him. He almost made it sound like he cared about us, that in his mind he had failed us.

"This wouldn't have happened if Agent May wasn't on the stick," Skye added bitterly. "She would have busted out some of her ninja know-how." Now I hadn't seen any of May's combat skills, but something told me she had to be good for how high Fury and Hill held her. I had no doubt that whatever Skye had seen made her assessment of our pilot completely accurate. Plus, she totally had the demeanor to be a secret ninja.

Not everyone seemed to agree with me though. "Agent May?" Fitz inquired in gentle disbelief. "No. No, no. She transferred from administration." Well, I bet there was a story there. And from Ward's face next to me it had to be an interesting one.

"Well, I've seen he destroy a guy, so…" Skye defended. Everyone now turned to look as Ward as I had for answers to these conflicting accounts. He took a minute deciding how to answer.

"You've heard of The Cavalry?" he addressed the three of us. Instantly getting the feeling I should know it I through my 'yeah' in with Fitz and Simmons. I didn't even know if I needed to research this one- it seemed to speak for itself. She had a badass name because like I suspected she was a badass. She probably rode a horse through flames while wielding machine guns or something.

"Wh-everyone at the academy talks about st-"Fitz and Simmons both seemed to come to the realization in the same instant and spoke in unison. "She's The Cavalry?"

"I told you never to call me that," May groaned from the floor. I couldn't help but let out a chuckling breath knowing our greatest asset was up and at 'em. But at the same time I was also making a very large note to avoid calling her by that name. Making her angry was pretty close to the last thing I ever wanted to do- especially when she was the woman who held all my secrets in the palm of her hand.

Fitz-Simmons were still grappling with the revelation, both of them staring at her in amazement. "I can't believe it," Simmons smile nearly went from ear to ear. "Oh, we're sure to get out of here now." She then addressed May politely as she sat up. "Um, how do we get out of here?"

May didn't even have to take a moment before she had the makings of a report to give us. "Can't go through the doors. They're bolted, tied to the pressurized lines." Well… that left… practically nothing. We might not be able to pull this off after all. Fantastic.

But I wasn't going to give up just yet. We had to fix this. Reyes wasn't going to get what she wanted if I had anything to say about it. And I always have something to say. I turned to Fitz-Simmons. "Do you two have any ideas? You're the geniuses."

"I-I'm just having trouble concentrating personally," Fitz admitted. "It's hard to concentrate in these intense situations." He was scared just like the rest of us, but it was getting to him a lot more. He was freezing up and we couldn't afford that. I went to try and comfort him, get his head in the game, but Ward surprisingly beat me there of all people.

"Hey. Don't freeze up." It was blunt, but had a gentleness I hadn't heard in the man before. He was really pulling out all the stops today in terms of having emotion. I was almost starting to question my judgements about the guy. "You don't need to come up with the whole solution. Just part of it. Right?" He was looking at Skye, the two of them clearly calling back to a moment from before. The problem was there were three people between the two of them and I could say it was certainly a little uncomfortable. "Pieces solving a puzzle."

Okay, I needed to end this before they tried making out or something. "Can I just say I'm a little insulted you didn't use my 'no man is an island' quip from earlier," I broke the mood completely. "But okay. Apparently she speaks wisdom though she said the same exact thing. Whatever. I'll try not to be bitter for too long."

Everyone seemed to want to laugh at my comment, but just wasn't feeling the moment. Understood. No pressure. "Let's get to work on that plan then," Ward suggested getting us back on track, though he didn't seem to harbor the usual venom my tangents brought about. "The goal is to make sure Reyes doesn't get her hands on the 0-8-4 and touch down back in Peru."

"We could escape and hide," Fitz suggested. "And then when they land and cart the 0-8-4 out, we grab it and take off with them on the ground."

"We'd be facing them without weapons though," Ward reminded him. "They're going to cut through us real quick. Plus, I don't know anywhere we could hide on here for that long." I started wracking my brain, trying to contribute and pull my weight around here.

"We break free," I tried, "get to Coulson and then hold a gun to his head telling Reyes we kill him unless she surrenders. From what I understand she needs him to clear where we're going. Plus with their whole past history she'd crack under the pressure. We get the Bus back before we even land." It could work. We just had to play the emotions just right to light up a powder keg.

"We're not holding anything to Coulson," May instantly put it down. "There are too many variables and she may call our bluff. Then we'll be right back where we started." Point taken. And from the look everyone was giving me, suggesting holding a gun to your leader isn't the way to win points.

"She's right about one thing though," Fitz came to my aid, "It needs to be before we hit the ground. Even if we have to take it down ourselves somehow."

"May I ask with what?" Simmons inquired. "It's like Ward said. We still have no weapons."

"We have the 0-8-4," I spoke suddenly as it came to me. "You guys said it's like some kind of laser. We can threaten them with that. They'll practically be running off the Bus."

"It's too unstable," Simmons argued. "You could set it off and then we'd all be dead. Yes, the mission would be a success, but not quite in all the way we desire such as us living." Okay. Think. What can we use? What can we do?

"Or," Skye spoke up like she just had an epiphany, "we set it off, but in the way we want." Everyone was looking to see where she was going. I was really curious personally. "We point it at something and let it damage the Bus enough it has to go down. We use that time to get the upper hand and take everything back." Wow. I really liked that idea. I started thinking it over and was crazily starting to buy that it just might work.

"Well, that's clearly the worst idea we've heard yet," Simmons disagreed. "Including holding a gun to Coulson's head."

"It could work," I disagreed, slightly defensive. "Skye's plan, not mine. It could work."

"Reyes is gonna kill us the minute we land, regardless, and blame it on the rebels," Ward reminded us intensely. "This way, we have a fighting chance. I'll take it." I couldn't help but think that of course he would agree with Skye's plan, but it was honestly the best one we had. And I had to make sure that everything went alright for all the people in this room. I had to make this mission a success no matter what it took. How I was going to do that? I honestly had no idea. "What's first?" he asked our two geniuses.

They still clearly weren't onboard with the plan. "We can't get upstairs without going in the lab," Fitz reminded all of us.

"And the only way to release the lab doors is from upstairs," Jemma added, clearly backing him up.

"The first thing is, we're tied to the cargo hold door so unless you can-"Skye was silenced by a crack echoing through the hanger. I don't know why, but it honestly kind of made me want to throw up though I had no idea what it was. It just sounded that disgusting.

"What the hell was that?" Fitz and I both spoke in unison, him cringing even more than I was.

"Her wrist," Ward answered us simply, sending chills down my spine and making me nearly gag as May rose now free from her shackles. There were the sound of footsteps coming from the balcony and she quickly and silently made her way up the stairs.

"Try not to look at it," I whispered to Fitz, trying to avert my eyes from her right hand. "Just don't look at it, don't think about it, and don't recall the sound. Just don't."

"I'm trying," he whispered back. "But you're really not helping matters." The man looked out over the group of us, and the moment he registered one of us was missing May was already on him. She managed to flip him over the balcony and send him very painfully to the floor with a cry. She had taken down a man a lot bigger than her with ease. Maria Hill had been right… the bitch. No. I didn't mean that. I was letting today get to me too much. But May was certified badass and I was so glad we had her on our side. She put anything I was capable of to shame really- a true Agent in every regard. The chances of this succeeding were now so much greater than before, thank goodness.

May jumped over the balcony herself and landed lightly on her feet before cracking her wrist back in place. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block out any and all images assaulting me at the moment. I let the moment pass before focusing in on the mission. I needed to keep my head in the game. Try not to think of it. Try not to imagine what had happened. Just deep breaths and let it go. Focus on the mission at hand. Fitz seemed to be having the same battle next to me- at least we were partners in this. "What's next?" May asked us, pulling me back in more efficiently than I had been doing for myself.

"How about you get the rest of us out of these?" I suggested. She quickly made her way over to us and undid our binds with such efficiency it was scary. When it was my turn I just rubbed my wrists with a smile, happy to once again put my days of being bound behind me. I rose to my feet with a game smile. "Thank you. I have such a thing against handcuffs." I was immediately getting looks and regretting my words, but I played it off with a shrug. "Another story for another day. Let's do this."

"We need to get into the lab," Simmons stated what came next. "We need supplies- a way to activate the 0-8-4 without any of us being in the way."

"We could use one of the Dwarves," Fitz suggested. "If we are purposefully trying to activate it then it should be no trouble at all."

"How do we make sure no one swats it out of the sky?" I felt a need to follow up. We had to make sure we covered all our bases.

"Send it through the vents," Simmons suggested. "It will be virtually undetected until it reaches its destination. We can unscrew the one present in the lab easily."

"Okay, so we activate it," Ward followed along clinically. "We blow a hole in the plane and if they fall out it's better for us. How are we going to make sure one of us doesn't get swept away though?"

"Tie ourselves together," Skye instantly spoke up. "Make a chain and stick together to get through the Bus." It was absolutely insane, but it might work. "Harness ourselves to a rope and buckle down somewhere once we have the plane back."

"Leave that part to me," May vowed and I planned to. She was going to get her job done.

"But none of this will work because we still have the issue of somehow getting through that door," Fitz reminded us. We all started to think madly and as fast as our brain could go, but May seemed to be a step ahead of us this time.

"Oh, we'll get through that door," she said with complete confidence as she made her way towards our cars. I quickly realized the brilliance of what she was planned and started to follow her. Agent May clearly knew what she was doing.

Skye stopped all of us, clearly worried, and we circled around her. "Okay, we're sure, right? Everyone's sure?"

"We're all on board," Jemma assured her, caught up in the tense moment and just throwing caution to the wind.

"Yeah, Let's do this fast," Fitz agreed.

"Ditto," was all I felt I needed to add.

"No turning back," Ward prepped us. "No freezing up."

"Because if we do, then all of die," I cut his talk short, trying to speed things up. "We know."

"All right," he agreed as everyone nodded. There was then the rev of an engine and we all turned to see May already standing in the driver's seat of one of our Jeeps. "You guys talk a lot." She then floored it and we all had to duck out of the way, Ward actually shielding me a bit weirdly enough, as she drove full force into the lab doors. It certainly made a dent when we looked up a moment later, wires sparking and glass everywhere. We efficiently made our way into the lab and set about our tasks: Simmons started drilling the screws out of a ceiling vent with my assistance- though she had three done in the time it took me to do one, Fitz got one of the Dwarves up and running, Skye was raiding the cabinet for supplies while Ward grabbed belts and rope from one of the bags, and May made her way through the other set of doors to get our plane back. I wouldn't want to be in her way at all.

As soon as we took care of the vent, Fitz sent one of the Dwarves up as quickly as he could, steering in towards the 0-8-4. Ward came around and the group of us lined up to get belted up, him doing it without a word. I was the last in line and he hesitated. "We've got three belts," he growled in frustration.

"That's okay," I assured him. "I'll stay down here in the lab- be out of the way. Everyone else has a part to play but me." We were taking too long. They surely knew what we were up to. And I wasn't going to sacrifice anyone's safety for my own. "It's like you said. I'm a distraction. Don't let me distract you and go get the job done."

He narrowed his eyes. "We stick together. I'm not leaving you down here for someone to stumble upon and hurt you." Before I could protest, he wrapped the rope around my waist. "We're a team and we stick together." He tied the end of the rope around me with multiple knots and examined his work with a sigh, noting how insecure it looked compared to the others. "Let's hope that will hold." Before I could argue any further, he started up the stairs and we all had to follow, lining up outside the door. He latched one end to a metal railing so the group of us were anchored and moved to the front of the line.

We all turned to Fitz, who I saw had the Dwarf at the 0-8-4. He took a deep breath and looked at Jemma. "Simmons, forget what I said before. This is the moment that we'll regret." With a push of a button, the entire plane jolted. We desperately held our balance as our stomach dropped and the feeling of falling and falling fast hit us.

"It worked," Skye managed to smile from beside me. I don't know how though. I was trying desperately to just hold it together.

Ward tested the door and to everyone's relief it instantly opened. "The drop in cabin pressure released the doors," Jemma explained with a smile. The mood was starting to catch to me too. It was working. We were figuring this out and turning the situation around.

Ward turned to us, bringing the mood of our small triumph back down to serious. "I'll take care of the soldiers. All of you guys get to the 0-8-4."

"And Coulson?" Fitz questioned, clutching his tablet close to his chest as the plane shook.

Ward shrugged just a bit. "Let's hope he can handle himself." I wanted to disagree with him, but he was right. We had to worry about our part of this and trust our leader to know what to do. Otherwise we'd end up getting off track and jeopardizing everything when we had already blown a hole in our plane.

With that, we were through the door. Ward was first, then myself, Skye, Jemma, and Fitz. As soon as we were through the wind became so much more intense and the shaking even greater. But we had to push that to the back of our minds and fight with everything we could to remain upright. Instantly, the sound of a gun rose over the din and Ward was shoving me back through the door while he ducked. "Get back!"

The man kept firing and Ward charged into the room, kicking both men as he jumped over the couch. I just tried to keep a hold on the swaying door and not be completely bowled over as my hair flew every which way. "Go no! Find the 0-8-4!" I managed to hear him shout and knew this was the moment. I started as the leader of my line making my way towards the back on the Bus, grabbing at anything I could to keep me steady over the winds. Everyone followed behind me, desperately trying to stay on their feet with some have more success than others- that being Fitz. But I had to focus on me and leading them, putting one foot in front of the other and just praying they would match me. It wasn't on the now toppled table any longer, but it had to be somewhere in the room.

Then we went straight downwards and I was sent rolling into the wall, Skye colliding into me as well. We both struggled against the elements to sit up. Ward was still battling one of the men in the room, throwing him into a wall. But it was Simmons who grabbed my attention. Jemma had found where the 0-8-4 had been embedded in one of the walls after flying off the table. She managed to yank it out after a few attempts, clutching it to herself. "I've got it!"

"Fitz! Reel us in!" I shouted over the wind, feeling the slight tug of the line as we tried to make our way back against now both the wind and steepness of the descending plane. I heard Fitz shout, but was distracted as Skye took a piece of paper to her face. She looked at it a moment before seeming to make a decision, unbuckling herself from the line.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I shouted as she moved past me. Seriously, I had no idea. I grabbed her wrist to keep her from going any farther. I wasn't about to let Skye kill herself.

"We need your help!" Jemma reminded her. She just looked at the two of us and struggled against me grip.

"Trust me!" And I don't know why I did it, but I let her go. She made her way to a red Emergency case at the back of the Bus and pulled out a yellow bag just as the Bus started to level out. May must have done her job, but the wind was still brutal.

I was so busy watching Skye I didn't realize until it was too late. "Ashleigh!" Fitz shouted as the knot came undone from around my waist and sent me hurtling in the direction of the hole. I fought and grabbed onto the pole in the center of the room, hugging it to myself. The man had managed to shake Ward and was making his way towards Jemma, pulling at her line. Fitz and Simmons were being pulled together and struggling in vain against him, but I knew what I could do. I swung myself on the beam and let go, sending myself into the man with a kick that knocked his legs out from under him. He was sent tumbling back, but Ward grabbed his arm with his other wrapped around the same pole.

I meanwhile was now tumbling again, but felt someone grab my foot to stop me from being pulled in. I turned to see both Fitz and Simmons had an arm around one of my legs and were desperately trying to keep me from slipping. They were losing their grip though and I was slowly sliding closer to the hole that would send me falling through the sky. I was staring my fear of heights right in the face and I was beyond petrified. I couldn't even move to get a better grip despite their shouting at me.

Then it was gone in almost an instant. In the commotion Skye had blown up the emergency life raft and used it to plug the hole essentially. The man Ward had been fighting bounced off it, seconds away from falling in after losing a grip on Ward. I hit the floor with a large gasp as the wind was knocked out of me and buried my head in the carpet as I took a few steadying breaths to come to grips with how close I really had been.

When I looked up Coulson was punching one of the two men as he reached for his gun and Ward had subdued the other. Skye made her way over to Ward and offered him a hand as I scrambled to my hands and knees with Fitz-Simmons coming in to help me up. "Are you-"

My arms were around the both of them before she could finish. I don't know what compelled me to do it, but it was strong enough I held them tight for a few second before coming to my senses. I had no clue why I had done that. I really shouldn't have, but part of me was still reeling that these two had saved my life. I would be hurtling through the sky to my demise. I was a bit emotionally unstable right now with that knowledge.

But it had been after I had again protected them and the 0-8-4, meaning perhaps I was more than a distraction this time after all. I could have changed the tide some way, prevented a catastrophe. Maybe I was finally 1 for 3.

Jemma was smiling brightly, though exhausted, and Fitz just looked extremely awkward like usual. "I am thanks to the two of you," I smiled, fighting back tears almost. "Thank you." She just put an arm around my back and we made our way over to the others. "T-t-the 0-8-4 is stable and cooling," Fitz informed Coulson as he examined a cracked cup. "But we should call H.Q. and get it to the Slingshot as soon as possible."

Coulson nodded and then looked up. "Was one of those guys covered in mashed potatoes?"

"Ashleigh threw her TV dinner at him," Simmons informed him. Coulson merely gave me an impressed look and went to address Reyes while we all just leaned on objects- I was personally leaning on the shoulder of Fitz- and caught our breath after a very intense scenario… as a team.

I couldn't let the moment go without getting something off my chest though as I turned to face Skye. "Next time you're planning on going off book, make sure you're not one of the one with a belt."

This time they all laughed. And as I looked the group of us over and the spike in comfort in the room, overall I'd say the mission was actually pretty successful after all. We were a team and I had made myself part of it all by my lonesome with just my skills and personality.

I had accomplished the first line of my tattoo. Now I just had to focus on the second.

XXX

I spent the couple hours before we landed on the couch, passed out with Skye while the others skittered about to get ready for the Slingshot launch. Coulson informed us we'd have to stay for a few days so repairs could be done, and as soon as we landed men were already making their way around us to fix things up. Skye made her way down, needing to talk to Coulson, and I was dragged to my feet a minute later by Simmons. "Come on. You can't miss it, even if you have seen one before."

She held a beer in her hand and passed one off to my from a cooler Fitz was carrying. I followed the two of them with a smile down the stairs as they blew past everyone to the end of the ramp. "Hey, come on. You guys don't want to miss this." Skye looked at me and I merely shrugged. We made our way to the end and took a seat with everyone coming up behind us. "So, it'll take about 180 days to reach the sun," Fitz told me as the others settled in and Jemma opened the cooler. "Now, yes, of course it would have been faster if they'd used hydrogen-fueled APU's, but they're having fun."

"Of course," I agreed. I popped mine open and clinked it against his. "Cheers mate."

"Cheers," he echoed before we both took a big drink. I didn't know my exact age, but it had to be over 21. At least I was hoping so now. But despite desperately trying to unwind after the whole affair, this was the first moment I felt at peace. Since I had woken up really. I felt like there was a plan, a purpose even, and that everything was going to be okay.

"How many of those have you guys had?" Skye asked from behind us. I rolled my eyes and took another swig. It tasted really good- hit the spot just right.

"Skye. Skye," Jemma shook her head. "It's important when in the field to unwind from time to time."

"Yeah, yeah, especially after a hard day of everyone almost dying," Fitz added.

"Which doesn't happen every day, right?" Simmons asked almost nervously. None of us answered. "It's an anomaly- an irregularity. Not… the norm." Something told me the opposite was quite true, and she seemed to realize it as well.

"Speaking of 'not the norm'," Coulson addressed us, "whose idea was it to blow a hole in the plane?"

We took a beat before Skye spoke up, shifting uncomfortably. "May said that the doors were tied to the pressurization, so then I thought-"

"We all did," I cut her off and got to the chase. "It was all of us, sir, and I must say it was quite brilliant." I rose my bottle again and everyone followed, agreeing to what I had just said.

Coulson was merely smiling with pride. "Good work," he told all of us, and that just capped off the moment perfectly. We had made him proud.

" _All clear for liftoff_ ," a voice sounded in the distance.

"Oh, time for blastoff." Fitz pinched his nose. "Launching… in three…two…" He got a laugh out of everyone and stopped just as the rocket blazed upwards in front of us. It was pretty amazing to behold, even if I had supposedly seen it before. "The trajectory will take it beyond the Lagrange point so that it doesn't hit Herschel."

"And there haven't been any coronal mass ejection, so it shouldn't lose telemetry." Ward looks at me in exasperation, but I just shrugged. I was growing accustomed to the jargon and its secret meanings.

"It probably means it's going up," I summarized, actually managing to make him smile. Maybe Grant Ward wasn't the absolute worst person in the world. Maybe even he and I stood and chance at becoming friends after all. Not that I was going to take anything back. I still stuck by all my comments about the robot.

What? Rome wasn't built in a day.

XXX

We had to stay in the bunkers at the Slingshot while waiting for our plane was being fixed and it allowed some time to finally just take it easy. I know it had been like two days of action but I know I seriously needed a vacation. The others seemed to take it in stride too- Fitz-Simmons were updating some things in the lab and I made sure to visit frequently. I would mostly just watch the two of them go back and forth, becoming more in sync with their way of acting and speaking. I wasn't quick enough to get a comment in there yet, but just give it some time. I was determined to get there. Things changed the second day after I almost destroyed an entire batch of cultures in the fridge just by touching the thing and I wasn't quite as welcome as before- I had to stand in the corner and not touch anything. There was even a line of tape to block me off for my convenience. I would admit to it being funny if it hadn't stunk of betrayal.

Skye and Ward were getting prepared to start her trained to become a true blue Agent- he had volunteered to be her S.O. There was definitely something going on there, but I kept my mouth shut. Let them figure it out themselves. I spent more time those couple days with Skye then Ward, though it was mostly at meals because she insisted on cooking for me so I didn't kill myself when I tried. The two us continued to hit it off and I answered any questions she had on S.H.I.E.L.D. in a very textbook manner- because I was literally learning them from a textbook the night before.

But Ward did visit me the second night, knocking on the metal of my bunk as I stared at my tablet. I had become dedicated to taking the opportunity to absorbing as much information as I possibly could. I was going to prove myself to at least be a knowledgeable as my level in one way at least. I looked up at him and I'm sure looked a little confused. Simmons had the bed below me, but she was still out, and Skye had the one across from us but she was gone, so I couldn't figure out who he was here to see.

"I am here to see you, Crawford," he answered my confusion. I put down my tablet and gestured for him to hop. He refused and just folded his arms. "I just wanted to clear up some things between the two of us."

"Okay?" Who the hell was this and where was Grant Ward?

"Back there, you trusted me to do my job and keep you safe while we were in the air, right?" I nodded, still unsure where this was going. "You understood my skill and counted me to do my part of the job. And it's not your job, so you seemed… useless." My look became a glare and he put his hands out. "Stay with me. But when we come to the situation where we need to negotiate with a guy threatening to blow a whole city- and Coulson brought you so he apparently thinks it's a possibility- that's going to be your moment. And I'm going to be the useless one. That's your skill and I will need to trust you to do your job then like you did with me." I was kind of floored right now and couldn't manage a response. "You're not useless. You're not a distraction. You're just as important as us- just in a different way then I'm used to. I'm sorry for making you feel any way else."

I could tell he was sincere. It was just shocking to actually hear him say that- to admit that. I decided in that moment to let go of my misgivings about Ward and chalk them up to a very rough start. I wouldn't hold grudges any longer and let us move forward. It might be hard at moments, but it honestly needed to happen. He might be the one I had to save one day, and I would save the guy in front of me right now. "I'm sorry for punching you in the face and being kind of nasty. I promise I won't do it again unless it becomes deserved."

He gave a hint of a smirk. "It's a deal." And that was that. We didn't talk much after that, but there was a sense that things had been fixed that even Coulson noticed. A certain tension was gone and I could breathe just a little bit easier knowing Ward wasn't going to keep trying to undermine me when I was already struggling.

I saw Coulson a few times. He was mostly busy with the Bus and making sure we got the upgrades we had all talked about. We were just as friendly as ever and I continued to behave myself mainly for his sake. He was just the kind of person who inspired your very best.

I saw May even less. Mainly because I tried to avoid her. I had come to grips with what I was through this adventure and I didn't need her trying to drag me down again. I knew I still had to convince her I was worth something that made me necessary. She still wasn't convinced in Fury's decision. I could tell just by the way she looked at me. She even seemed to like Skye more than me. Which was a shame because I thought I could learn a lot from her. Maybe one day I would be able to. I also had no nightmares to report thankfully. I slept in peace despite having the top bunk. I think my logic was starting to baffle them in terms of sleeping arrangements, but they took it in stride.

The only truly exciting event came the third day when May poked her head into the lab. "Agent Crawford, someone would like to speak to you." I had given Fitz-Simmons a wave and followed her to a small conference room with a single cup of water on the table. I took a long sip and waited for a few minutes when suddenly Nick Fury himself entered- eye patch and all.

"Sir?" I said in slight disbelief. He gestured for me to sit down.

"I stopped in to visit Coulson, and thought I would check in with my mystery girl," he explained, staring down at me. "From what Agent May tells me you're managing alright. You have the trust of the team, you're somewhat holding up on missions, and you're spending an awful lot of time studying. More than Agent Hill could ever manage to get out of you at least."

"I'm afraid I don't have much for you," I reported, hating to disappoint him. "I still have no memory of anything. I have no idea what I'm meant to do for the team yet. I'm kind of just making it up as I go along really."

"But that seems to be working out for you," he reminded me. "Agent May feels no one has an idea about your unique origin, including Agent Coulson. Speaking of, did you read the file we gave you about that?"

I shook my head. I knew I had files on every member of the team I could read, but I hadn't opened a single one of them yet. It had been really tempting to find out why May was The Cavalry, but I had resisted even for that. It hadn't seemed right. "I'm not interested in knowing about them unless they volunteer the information themselves sir. I'd rather them be honest with me then go sneaking around their information behind their backs."

"Just like you're being honest with them?" he cut right through me with a raised eyebrow. It was something I desperately tried not to think about or face. Part of me hated what I was doing and loathed myself a little more with each lie. But part of me trusted the girl who had wiped her memory and tried to chalk it up as being necessary. Thankfully she won most days.

He started for the door as I sat in silence, trying to keep down what he had said. "Just wanted to say keep up the good work. We haven't found anything on our end, but we're still looking. And don't let your guard down around that Skye girl. Coulson may have bought into her, but I want you to make sure he doesn't regret that."

"Absolutely, sir," I vowed, though I really had no plans to. Skye was fine. I knew she was.

"Keep Agent May updated," was his last words before he exited. And it was only then I realized the cup was missing. Obviously, this hadn't been a courtesy visit. I could have sworn S.H.I.E.L.D. had samples of my DNA though which made the whole thing confusing. What kind of things were they attempting over there? Why had he felt the need to do it himself rather than just ordering May to? What was going on? Who the hell was I? Why was it so hard to find one person's identity and if it was then who had I been that I was able to pull this off? There were a lot of questions buzzing around in my head for sure.

I had to dismiss it though. I was never going to know what was going on in the shadows with Fury and Hill really, and all I could do was hope my good behavior would eventually earn answers when they did come to some sort of conclusion.

After five days our Bus was cleared to be on the road again. And though time had been nice to recharge, when I climbed up that ramp to head in I was ready for the next adventure. And it seemed like everyone else was too. I even stared out a window as we took off, not allowing my fear of heights to get to me. This was nothing compared to what I had been through already. I was pumped and ready to go.

Bring it on.


	7. Undercover

_Undercover_

It has quickly been learned by myself and my peers on the Bus that unless there was some sort of crisis that they needed me up for I was going to be in bed pretty much until ten. Which is not a big deal in the slightest- plenty of day left to seize. But when everyone else was up by seven at the latest- Skye not by her own choice admittedly- I got a bit of a reputation in these parts. So it was a pretty big deal when I was up at eight a few mornings after we had all returned to the Bus. It wasn't by choice I admit, but it thankfully wasn't because of any nightmares either. I wanted to ask May a question today and spent all night working on my delivery. I was intimidated to say the least. She didn't seem like the type you started a conversation with, especially when it was to ask her something. But hopefully she would give me points for trying.

Before that though, I went through my usual routine of jumping in the shower, getting dressed in a long-sleeved sweater number, and grabbing breakfast in the form of chocolate fudge Pop Tarts. Since Skye had begun her training with Ward to become a true Agent the quality of my meals had gone slightly downhill. I also grabbed a bowl, adding some Lucky Charms and milk before making my way down to the lab as I was my first stop every morning. Of everyone on the Bus, Fitz-Simmons were the ones I felt the closest to- especially with our whole near death experience bonding.

So I made my way down to the lab where the two were hard at work with something I would probably never get a clear explanation in. But they were also speaking to Ward and Skye in the cargo hold as she punched a bag with a very bored expression on her face. She hadn't exactly been taking her training… seriously I suppose was the word. Ward was trying to play it cool, a major turn in behavior from before. Seriously. It was like night and day with this guy. Not that I was complaining.

Simmons was addressing Skye as I came upon the scene. "Yeah, we'd name the mechanical, chemical, thermal…"

"Electrical properties of materials," Fitz added, before being distracted by the bowl I held out in front of him. "Why thank you," he told me as he grabbed it and dug in. Since learning my friend Fitz often skipped breakfast to get right to the lab and meet Jemma, who was always earlier, I had taken it upon myself to make sure he had the most important meal of the day. My attempts to drag him away from his work to the table had been wildly unsuccessful, so I had compromised for bringing it to him in the lab. "You're up earlier. My stomach wasn't even rumbling yet," he questioned with his mouth full. I merely rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay, okay," Skye conceded to Ward as she went back to hitting the bag. "They made your point. Ashleigh, what did your S.O. have you do in the morning? Talk him down from a ledge?"

"No. More like be given a scenario or person and have to work every single possible angle and outcome word for word. Even one word in the wrong place can change the entire outcome of the scenario." It flowed out very naturally, as my lies were starting to these days. I almost wondered if I was starting to believe it in a way, crazy as it sounded. I was starting to buy into the idea of myself as an Agent in some capacity- especially with all the studying I had been doing. I would always have this twinge of guilt I would have to bury though. Luckily, the others were distracting me pretty easily this time around. Ward had decided to wax philosophical, which was always a blast.

"There will come a moment when you have to commit to this or bail. Every Agent has a defining moment. Ask Coulson." That was actually a solid move right there. Skye really looked up to Coulson. Ward was clearly playing the right cards. I turned to Fitz to comment, only to find him slurping down the last of the milk.

It was only when he finished that he noticed my looking at him out of the corner of my eye. "What?" I just kept looking, knowing he'd crack under pressure. "I don't know what you want from me? I chew the granola bar too loud. I'm too messy with the syrup on the toaster waffles. And let's not even bring up what you said to me about eggs and bacon, because that one really hurt my feelings."

I just shook my head. Jemma had at this point dismissed herself from our conversation to get back to whatever she was working on- knowing taking sides, and by that taking Fitz's side because she always did, would only get her in trouble. "I just have a dream, Fitz, that I can find you a breakfast food that you don't eat like a five year old. We're trying to get you nourished in a way that doesn't have the potential to make a mess in the lab and drive the rest of us the same. I just never realized it was going to take this much effort."

"We could try the Pop Tarts tomorrow?"

I snorted. "No one touches MY Pop Tarts. We've covered this. Coulson bought them for me, and that makes them special enough that I'm not sharing them."

"Jemma had one yesterday," he said under his breath, only to flinch when he realized I had heard the plain as day. He then turned to see her glaring at him. "I'm sorry."

My attention turned to her and she put her hands up. "I was in a hurry and I thought you wouldn't mind too terribly," she weakly defended herself. "I didn't mean to offend you."

As I went to say something, a call from Skye got my attention. "Ashleigh!" I turned to see her leaning against the door in her boxing gloves. "Is Ward telling the truth? Is the truth serum fake? Did the two of you set me up?" Oh boy. This was a tricky situation. If I said the wrong thing Ward was going to be onto me and the fact that I'm totally making everything up as I go. I'd been finding myself in a lot more of these lately- people seemed to be assuming I knew things. Incorrectly, I may add. I stumbled over my words as Skye looked at me, seeing Ward was giving no hints behind her as to which way I should lean.

" _Changing course, briefing in three,"_ came May's voice over the intercom, unintentionally saving my ass. Fitz-Simmons started to remove their lab coats and Skye stripped off her boxing gloves.

"Looks like we're on the move," Fitz stated the obvious as we began to make our way to the briefing room. I made sure I hovered by the door so I could grab Skye by the arm and yank her back. I needed to give her some sort of answer, but it would be a lot easier when Ward wasn't scrutinizing me.

"I'm not positive as I've never used it before, but I think he's totally bluffing," I told her with a coy smile. And that was genuinely what I believed. Whether or not that was true was another matter, but she shouldn't concern herself with fact-checking that. She quickly returned it. "Because it's Ward. Of course he'd be afraid that he showed you genuine human emotion." She smiled and we entered the living room arm-in-arm, falling onto the couch together next to a smiling Fitz-Simmons with a laugh just as Coulson entered with his tablet in hand. Then it was time to put on our serious faces and focus up- another day of our crazy work had begun. Our small vacation was over.

"A few minutes ago," Coulson began, "A S.H.I.E.L.D. transport was attacked while carrying a priority red asset off Route 76 near Starling." Priority red, as the name literally implied, was a big deal. It was the biggest deal we had to offer. This asset must have been critical and I found myself leaning forward waiting to hear what exactly it was.

Coulson turned his screen around to reveal an older man in glasses. "The asset was Canadian physicist Dr. Franklin Hall, known for his work-"

"Oh no, not Frank," Jemma said sadly, now leaning forward with both hands on her neck. It was at the same time Fitz leaned forward and questioned, "Dr. Hall?" It was clear from their tone that the two of them really admired this guy, in a way making myself even more committed to the mission at hand. If Fitz-Simmons liked the guy I was sure he must be a great scientist.

"He was our chemical kinetics adviser our second year," Fitz explained to the rest of us, still very much upset.

"Yeah, he's so enthusiastic about science, we just adored him." Simmons locked eyes with Coulson, hands going to her lap. She was clearly very distressed as well- this was the first personal mission for the two of them. It was someone important from their past. I took it upon myself to grab one of them, giving it a friendly squeeze. "We can rescue him, can't we?"

"He's one of ours. Of course we are," I promised the two. I then felt bad for being the one to speak up and looked to Coulson, only to see he seemed to be in complete agreement with me. Coulson and I seemed to be on the same wavelength most of the time. I still questioned the depth of our relationship some days still, but we seemed to have a clean slate as far as I could tell. It was sometimes enough to keep me up at night though.

"And the attackers?" Ward questioned.

"Invisible."

"Wait, invisible?" Skye questioned from next to me with a laugh. "Cool." I knew she was excited, but I tilted my head in the direction of Fitz-Simmons. She instantly drew back a bit. "But terrible obviously." With that, Ward gave her a look and picked her up by the arm- dragging her back towards the cargo ramp against her will. I looked at Simmons's watch after a beat of silence and decided now was as good a time as any to move forward with my plan for the day. I squeezed her hand once more before rising.

"I have to talk to May about something," I told the two of them. "Wish me luck." I knew by the fact that they didn't answer their minds were still obviously on their teacher. I gave my best reassuring smile. "We're going to find him," I promised to the two of them, meaning every word. "And we'll get him out of whatever situation he's in." I don't know if it stuck, but I hoped it did as I made my way up to the cockpit. This was it. Here we go. I was so on edge I didn't fall into the seat beside May, but this time slowly sat in it straight as a board, hands folded in my lap.

"Agent May," I began, clearing my throat. "I had something I wanted to ask you… given recent developments onboard the Bus." Nothing, but I wasn't expecting her to answer or acknowledge me until I finished. I just had to plow through and keep going. "You see, I have come to realize I am severely unprepared for the combat situations I find myself in. I know the basics, but my cover and this job requires more than that. So I need someone to help me and teach me so that I can do what Fury put me on this plane to do." I was jumping all over the place, but I seemed to be mostly sticking to the speech I had planned. "And since you both know my situation and are a certified badass, I thought I would ask if you would consider teaching me." There it was. I looked at her and she seemed as impassive as ever, giving me no sign she had even heard me. "So…"

"No." One word that cut right through me. It wasn't delivered with venom, but it was certainly delivered very coldly. I turned to face her straight on now, ready with my back-up information I had prepared. "I said no," she again told me before I could even start.

I knew I could rage. I could throw a fit. I could even just argue. But I was not going to convince her like that. She didn't think I was an Agent, so I had to put in extra effort to conduct myself like one. I still held hope I could eventually win her to my side- I just had to take the longer route around. "Alright then," I said simply as I rose. "Thank you for hearing me out."

She spoke again as I opened the door. "If you want my advice, you don't need to be taught how to handle those situations. You simply need to just stay out of them altogether." I'd like to say it didn't hurt, but obviously it did. Still I simply exited through the door with my shoulders held high and made my way back towards my bunk, not really wanting to spend time with anyone right now. I didn't know what exactly I had to do to convince May I needed to be here, but I wasn't giving up. This Bus was literally all I had at this point and the thought of being thrown off and walking away scared me more than anything we could possibly face out there as a team. I needed the place where all my memories were and I would fight for it as hard as I needed to. May wasn't going to take me down with a few simple words.

I was going to be so Agent this mission May was going to beg to teach me. I knew that would never really happen, but just picturing it made me feel a lot better actually.

XXX

Long sleeves in the desert sucked. I was starting to wonder how everyone did it without seeming to break a sweat. But I stuck it out without complaint, because it wasn't like I could roll them up or anything. I cursed Past Me for not putting the tattoo somewhere more subtle- like my stomach. I mean like then I couldn't rock a bikini, but at least then tank tops became a necessary option. At least it was night when we had touched down though, so it wasn't the worst it could be. I had spent the few hours that made up our flight in my bunk, looking up everything I could find on Dr. Hall on my tablet. I didn't understand most of it, but it was the thought that counted. I could see why Fitz-Simmons liked him so much though.

We made our way down the empty highway towards the scene in a straight line after disembarking from the Bus parked right off in the trees, and I prayed the road was really closed and a truck wasn't going to come barreling into me at any moment. I know the formation looked cool, but it seemed kind of silly when actually doing it. "Dr. Hall was an asset?" Skye asked me from right next to her, sending me her questions instead of her S.O. like usual. I just had a friendlier face I think.

"People can be assets," I explained kindly as we walked. "S.H.I.E.L.D. protects people, especially important scientists like Dr. Hall, from enemies who would love to get ahold of them for their evil schemes and grand master plans."

"We keep them hidden," Coulson thought to add, "keep them on the move." Skye seemed to catch on, nodding at the both of us in understanding. Simmons started to say something, but I found something in the trees that grabbed my attention and caused me to come to a halt. It was a car. A smashed car had somehow ended up in that tree.

"Coulson," I spoke up, pointing once I had his attention. He glances towards the tree and came to a stop as well, looking deep in thought as he stared at it. Everyone else soon turned their attention to the sight for a moment, looking completely out of their element about what we were dealing with. "It looks like they had a pretty good way past all that security." We turned our attention back towards the road, able to see the truck and its spilled contents just around the bend. The driver was sitting in the back of an ambulance getting looked at, and I made my way straight for him as everyone else took the scene in. Agents were scouring the place for evidence, but my concern at the moment lay with the man who had been in the middle of it all.

I took a seat next to him as above his eye was being packed with gauze. "Hi, I'm Agent Crawford." I extended my hand and he shook it in a way that nearly crushed all the bones.

"Agent Mack," he answered me, letting go of my hand and laughing as I shook it off. Coulson and May had talked with a few people and made their way over to the two of us, hovering behind me.

"Are you okay?" I asked the important question first. "It looked pretty… intense as we were coming up the road."

"I'm going to be fine," he assured me. "It takes more than this to take down Mack." But then he seemed to sober a bit, growing more serious. I gave a comforting look that hopefully encouraged him that he could talk to me. "I'm a tough guy, miss. I've been with S.H.I.E.L.D. for years and have done all sorts of things you wouldn't believe. So I don't spook easily this late in the game. But this, this was pretty damn scary miss."

I could see he meant it and made sure to let him know with my body language that I didn't judge him in the least. I was learning I was quite good at getting the feelings I wanted across, further helping me convince myself this people person thing just might be true after all. Maybe my lie was actually me stumbling on my gift after all. I took a look around the scene with a whistle. "You have no idea where they came from?"

"There was nothing over our shoulder or behind us," he rattled off. This must have been the millionth time he had to say this stuff. But then he locked eyes with me and added something that must have been new. "What's scary though is they knew our route. They were waiting for us."

I caught the implication immediately, and looked over my shoulder to make sure Coulson had as well. He had a look of severity on his face I hadn't seen before, and nodded for me to continue with what we were both thinking. It was so severe we had to make sure Mack meant what we thought he did. "Mack, are… are you saying you think someone in S.H.I.E.L.D. was somehow involved with all this?"

He took a moment before answering. "I'm sorry to say it, miss… but it had to be. There's no other way they could have done what they did." We were looking at a mole. This was huge.

"Fitz, what am I seeing here?" Simmons questioned loudly from where she was situated in front of the truck with a pair of bright green goggles on. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Mack.

"Get better, okay? We'll take it from here."

"I appreciate it, miss. Can I just say I already feel a heck of a lot better just having someone as pretty as you stop by to talk to me."

"You're just trying to flatter me," I played along, noticing Coulson and May moving towards where everyone else had now gathered. I gave Mack a quick kiss on the cheek and rose to join them.

"Feel free to contact me anytime you're in need of a truck driver! I'll be your man!" he shouted to me, making me turn around to smile at him.

"I will keep that in mind, Mack. Thanks!" And then I felt something small pelt me on the back of the head. I turned my attention to see a cloud of rocks swirling madly in front on the team, held in the air as if by magic. Fitz was desperately hitting some buttons on one of his devices as I ducked down to avoid being hit anymore. My head needed a break. A moment later he had succeeded and the rocks all feel uselessly back to the road. I crept closer out from behind the group as Coulson bent down to pick up a small object, two rings that circled around a black sphere in the center. "Something that small did all this," I guessed with disbelief, looking at the car in the trees and the truck once more. "What even is it?"

"Something big," Coulson deduced before handing it off to Fitz. "Let's get back and have a look at it." With that, we all filed back in line towards the Bus without a word of protest (though I did give Mack one last wave), leaving this honestly chilling scene in our wake. I think we were all secretly happy to get away from it.

Fitz set right to work once we were back in the lab, examining it as I hovered next to Skye with Coulson and May on the other side of him. As we waited, I turned my attention to Coulson to address the important manner at hand. "Mack thinks Dr. Hall's movements were leaked from S.H.I.E.L.D." I reminded him.

"Or someone cracked our comm system," Coulson slowed me down a bit. Right. I hadn't thought about that one. That would also be bad, not as bad but bad.

"Do you think we have a mole?" May asked Coulson for his ultimate call.

"I think you should go through the communication logs, rule it out," he told her, making me almost sigh with relief that he seemed to agree with me. I had read the situation right after all. Go me. "We'll work the tractor tread that we found on the scene."

"I can do that instead of pull-ups," Skye volunteered, desperately enough I couldn't help but smirk. "I can upload an image of the tread pattern, check to see if there's any sort of-"

"Already done," Ward told us as he entered. May took this as her cue to head out and handle the task she had been given. "Matched it to a 2010 model. Found a list of purchasers within a 500-mile radius, narrowed those down to those with priors, financial trouble, or propensity for risk-taking." He put three faces up on the screens, all of them making my skin crawl just a bit. "Three suspects."

I had to admit I was impressed though. I didn't know Ward knew how to work his way around a program. The guy was definitely growing on me rapidly now that we had put the other stuff behind us. He knew what he was doing without a doubt. "Who may have sold their construction equipment to the kidnappers," Coulson looked the trio of troublemakers over. "We'll ask."

Ward seemed to take this as his cue to load up the car, heading out of the lab towards the cargo ramp. Skye seemed to take this as her cue to speak to Coulson. "Hey, so, Ward said a funny thing. He said that you guys don't have a truth serum."

"Did he?" Coulson questioned without anything to give himself away. "Ward said that?"

Skye nodded. "Yeah."

His facial expression didn't change in the slightest. "Interesting." Skye looked at me, but I shrugged to show I had gained as much from that word as she had- as in nothing.

"Yeah." Coulson then started for the cargo ramp himself and I followed, knowing that if they were going to interrogate some people than I needed to come with. I had to make sure we got the job done and stay as far away from May as at all possible today. Show her I could cut it out on the field.

"I'm sorry," he addressed me before we exited the lab, "but Lola only has room for two. And if we're dealing with the type of people I think we are, who shoot first and answer second, then I'm going to need Ward." I nodded and took a step back, understanding his drift. He could handle this and I was not going to be able to protect him from a gun if I wanted to. "Keep an eye on Fitz-Simmons, okay? You're practically their lab assistant at this point."

"I would be if they let me touch anything," I couldn't help but quip. He just smiled my way as he got into Lola's drive seat. Ward was already waiting beside him.

"Having heard what you did at the Slingshot, I can't say I blame them." And with that the two of them were heading down the ramp and off into the desert, leaving me to head back into the lab and hover without purpose like I normally do. So much for proving something.

"You're not going with them?" Skye asked from the table where she held the thickest binder I had ever seen in my life. Then again, I only had like a month stored up in the noggin, so that might not be much. I shook my head. "Then maybe you'd be willing to help me," she gestured to the binder. "I have to go through some communications and it would go a lot faster with two people," she practically sang.

Now I didn't want to in the slightest, but it wasn't like I had anything else to do around here. "You're lucky I like you," was all the response I gave before following her to the living room to get some reading done. I groaned as she dropped half her stack in front of me, but then quickly tucked in to get some actual work done.

XXX

I nearly cried in relief when Fitz came running in asking us to come back down to the lab a few hours later. Coulson and Ward were back and doing something, but we just had the papers. The endless boring papers that were slowly draining our sanity and sense of communication outside radio lingo. The only sort of joy I got was in seeing what Mack had to say sometimes. It was the only thing that attempted to make me smile. The rest was just endless. We were both in agony but just kept going- not even through half of it with the two of us combined. My neck was really starting to kill me and I'm pretty sure my stomach was threatening to revolt.

So I made a quick BLT sandwich and followed Fitz down to the lab, balking at Skye when I saw she had brought the binder down too because I was desperate for a brief distraction and to look at something other than black words on a white page. He sat us down in front of the screen with had the projected image of what Coulson had found earlier. "Gravitonium," he informed us, "It's an extremely rare high-atomic numbered element."

"That powers the device," Simmons followed. It was almost like they had prepped this presentation just for us. "It's so extremely rare that most people didn't believe it existed, much less the theory that an isolated positive charge-"

"Would turn the flow from isotropic-"Great. They were trading off sentences again. That would make this so much easier to follow. I was already so lost I was contemplating going back to the papers. No. That was a lie. That was so a lie. I never wanted to go back.

"Guys, high-school dropout here," Skye called attention to how lost she was.

"And, I'm not that, but I'm also very much not following on how this whole device works… like at all," I added.

"Well," Simmons began again, speaking slower than I though was necessary but I understood the sentiment behind the gesture. "Gravitonium distorts gravity fields within itself, causing an undulating, amorphous shape." Still not following, but I tried to stick with it as I took a bite of my sandwich.

"Which causes these, um… wiggly bits here." I gave him a thumbs up at his terminology which seemed to push him to keep going. "But when an electric current is applied, the Gravitonium solidifies." He was even doing hand gestures now. This was so much better. "And those gravity fields erupt, randomly changing the rules of gravity around it." He started for his computer, but not before grabbing half my sandwich and shoving it in his mouth.

"Hey!" I called him out with a full mouth, lettuce flying everywhere and making Jemma flinch at the mess, but it was already too late. Apparently I had a face that just screamed to him that he was perfectly fine taking all my food.

"Well, so, now you can imagine what would happen to a big rig at 100 kilometers per hour," Fitz added after he had chewed, knowing if would annoy me even more if he didn't. Or Jemma, who was now trying to clean up my lettuce. "Or, uh, well, you could just remember, 'cause we all saw it already, didn't we?"

"Yeah, and guess which genius published every theory about Gravitonium and possible applications… years ago?" Simmons asked. I felt like the answer was obvious, but this could still be a trick question. Still I went for it and threw my hand in the air.

"Dr. Franklin Hall!" I guessed.

"Correct," Fitz lauded me. "Plus, that was your best sandwich yet. You still need to perfect the bacon to lettuce ratio, but…" My look got him back on topic pretty swiftly. "And Dr. Hall attended the University of Cambridge at the same time as Ian Quinn." That was the guy Coulson had mentioned to Ward, the one they were suspecting was wrapped up in all this.

"Coulson may be off on this," Skye disagreed with what Fitz was implying. "Quinn is a notoriously good guy. His charity endowment's some like eight billion."

"Yes, with money made from leeching the earth of its resources," Simmons commented with a degree of venom. "Looks like he's dug up another."

Fitz rose from his chair and turned to Simmons, tablet in hand. "We should go show him this." The two nodded and started up the stairs, giving myself and Skye alone time with the dreaded binder.

"You think you finally find one of the good guys…"

I gave her a pat on the shoulder. "It's okay. We're the good guys and that's what matters. We're going to save Dr. Hall." There was a beat of silence as I let this sink in before speaking up again, trying to shake her from this funk. "Let's go crash that meeting and see if there's anything we can do." She gave me a smile and allowed me to pull her to her feet. "Leave the binder though. I want it out of sight for a bit." Now she was laughing at least. With that, the two of us made our way to the conference room where everyone else had gathered, staying towards the back to observe.

"Without a man inside," May had the floor shockingly, "it's impossible unless you're immune to pulse laser emissions."

"If we had a monkey, we could get in," Fitz volunteered out of the blue.

"Ugh, Fitz!" Jemma groaned and distinctly giving the impression this was a frequent point he jumped to.

"If we had a small monkey, he could slip through the sensors and disable the fence's power source with his adorable little hands." I wasn't a fan of the plan at first, but I think he won me over with that line. The Bus could use a pet after all.

"I could go in," Skye volunteered suddenly from beside me.

Ward didn't even pay her statement any mind. "Drop me in the hill outside Valletta. I'll spend a few weeks establishing a cover, gathering intel-"

"Hall doesn't have a few weeks," Coulson cut him off pretty quickly.

Simmons seemed to agree, Fitz nodding along with her as she spoke. "And to restate, any Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. caught on Maltese soil can be shot to death with bullets… legally."

"Not me," Skye chimed in again, stepping into the room. "I could go in."

"Skye," I offered gently, not trying to completely crush her dreams of grandeur but trying to get her to see sense. "I don't think-"

"Wait," Coulson surprisingly stopped me. "What are you saying?"

"Well, I'm not an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.," she reminded us. "So I can go in without breaking all these stupid rules."

"International laws," Simmons reminded her of the gravity of the situation.

"This isn't something the Rising Tide can hack, Skye," Ward piled on.

"Did you hear the deadly laser part?" Fitz felt a need to add. Everyone was ganging up on her so much I almost wanted to switch side. "Without a brave monkey-"Yeah, I was still Team Monkey too.

"You said you could go in with a man inside," Skye argued, not afraid of any of them or their words. She had spunk.

May was regarding her with interest. "And you want to be that man?"

"Fitz-Simmons loved the guy, and he needs help. He needs the good guys to save him. They could be torturing him, or worse, making him do strength-training," she quipped, not exactly winning over the room with that one as she typed away on her phone.

"But you don't have the background or clearance or experience with any of this," Ward pointed out harshly.

"I know. But I've got an invitation," she smiled, brandishing her phone to all of us. "Well, technically, it's an e-vite." And with that, we descended into chaos. Everyone started saying things all at once, arguing with one another in a way that we hadn't for a while. But this was because we cared rather than lack of caring. Like I said, I was Team Monkey. But Skye had a lot of good points. I took it upon myself to know the higher-ups had to talk this one over quite a bit and grabbed Skye by the arm.

"Come on," I urged her. "Let's get back to that binder." She seemed reluctant, but followed me out back to the lab. "They need to do some serious talking in there, so we best let them be."

"You think I can do this, right?" she questioned, making me stop just before we hit the lab. She sounded so desperate. "I just… I need one person to believe that I can do this. Because-"

"Because you want to be able to do something and show that you belong here," I read her pretty easily. Though it was probably because those were my exact feelings about being around here as well. "That you are an Agent." Just looking at her I knew I had to do it. I had to give her the words that I was looking for myself, maybe to pay it forward in some weird way. Maybe if she heard this I could too somehow. "You can do this, because you are. And they will see that too, because they have to. I believe in you Skye." She pulled me in for a hug and I let her for a long moment, smiling that I could something to make one of us feel better at least.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"No problem," was all the answer I felt the need to give.

XXX

Skye got pulled away by a grumpy Ward a little bit into our search for some training, and not wanting to be in the middle of things and sexual tension and what have you I chose to relocate to my bunk with the binder. I was starting to once again completely lose my mind when the door slid open just a bit and I saw Fitz peek in.

"Hey," I greeted warmly. "What can I do for you?" He stood there for a moment, looking completely nervous and out of his skin- or at least more so than usual.

"I just um… I… I wanted to talk to you about something… if that's alright." I could sense it was serious and instantly moved over, somehow making enough room on the very small bed. He just stared for a moment before catching my drift, climbing onto the bed beside me and sitting with his head against the wall. It was honestly pretty cramped and uncomfortable, but I didn't mind especially after I saw him smile at the picture of the three of us in Peru on my wall.

"I'm honestly surprised you're here though," I admitted. "I thought you would go to Simmons for sure."

"I normally would," he answered, taking my pillow and hugging it to his self. "But I didn't want to talk to her about this."

"I didn't know there was such a thing."

"I honestly didn't either until now." He took a beat and I just gave him time before he spoke up again. "The first day on the Bus, just after we met, you and I ran into one another… and um, well you told me you thought I'd adjust." I nodded, recalling that. "I-I just don't think I really am."

"Fitz, it's only been a few weeks-"

"But Skye isn't even an Agent and she's already volunteering for missions. May is just supposed to fly the Bus and she's the whole reason we got out of that bind before. And you… you threw yourself up against two guys out of your league just to protect Simmons and me." He looked down, almost ashamed. "I've just hid in the lab for everything. I was even last in our line so I didn't have to do much."

I now officially sat up so I could lean against the wall next to him, pushing the binder to the end of the bed. "I think you're being awful to yourself right now, Fitz. If I remember correctly you saved me from falling out of the Bus-"

"That was just holding onto you for a few seconds. It required nothing. I wasn't putting my life at stake by doing it."

I frowned. "Fine. Use that excuse for that one. But just know you're not ready and the moment hasn't come yet… but that's completely fine. But it will and in the meantime it's okay to be in the lab. You are a great service to this team when you are. We'd be lost without you." Unfortunately, it didn't seem to stick like I wanted it to.

"How did you do all that stuff though? Cairo, Budapest-"

"I just had already had my moment- the moment where I had to be brave. You either step up or you clam up."

"What happened?" Shit. Okay, I could do this. Make something up that would help him.

"My… my dad was real sick when we were growing up," I began my little story having his undivided attention. "And it was hard on my mom to take care of him. I loved both my parents, they were the best, but she wasn't very happy. There were bills, there was the fact he needed constant supervision- it all was just too much. So one day I come home from school, I'm like ten, and she has the suitcase packed in her bedroom while he's asleep on the couch. She tells me that we're going. I take one look at my dad in the living room and I made my choice. I told her I wouldn't run away with her. She left and I quit school. I took care of us by conning people on the street out of their fortune. It wasn't good of me, but it kept us fed and housed. I made the mistake of pick-pocketing an S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent when I was fourteen with nothing but my charm, and he was so impressed he offered me a chance. A chance I only took after my dad had passed."

It had all come out so naturally part of me wondered if it was a memory. But an even deeper part of me knew it wasn't. I had just been making it up and Fitz's look made me feel completely awful about it. He thought we were having a moment and I had completely manufactured it. God, I sucked. But I might as well deliver it home now. "Ever since then brave has seemed like the easy option. So that was my moment." I put a hand on his knee and patted it a few times. "And one day it will be yours, and I know without a doubt you will step up and do whatever you need to do. You will adapt for the team. You will protect us and I believe that without a shadow of a doubt. I believe in you, okay?"

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest with glee when he nodded. "Thank you," he told me sincerely. He put my pillow back and started to move to get off the bed, but hesitated. "It means a lot that you told me that, Ash. You're a really good friend."

And now I felt worse. "It means a lot that you listened, Lee," I answered his nickname with one of my own. "You are too." But the nail in the coffin of guilt was the world's most awkward hug he gave me before ducking out and leaving me alone once again. I fell back on my pillow, trying to push the guilt trying to drown me for what I had just pulled away. And the smile Fitz had given me as I got through to him almost did the trick, but then I remembered it was all a lie and I was drowning again.

I was only saved from my head when Ward stuck his head in to say Coulson wanted us all back. I had never been happier to see him honestly.

XXX

"Skye will walk in the front door," Coulson briefed us once we all had been called back to the room. She looked at me and I gave her a thumbs up of encouragement. "The only external access point to Quinn's underground facility is from a beach cove. A two-man extraction team could slip in there, but it's not easy. Fitz-Simmons."

With that, Fitz stepped up to the screen displaying Quinn's fortress for lack of a better word. "The perimeter is surrounded by a 20-foot-high neodymium laser grid. Touch it and you're toast."

"Dead toast," Coulson added. "The only way to disable the grid is to crack the system and trigger a reboot. This would give the team three seconds to cross. Of course, Quinn's too smart to allow any wireless access on his property."

"That's where I come in," Skye surmised. I watched Ward getting everything together in one corner of the room and couldn't help but fretting. Two of my guys were going in by themselves. This just didn't sit right with me in a lot of ways- I could almost feel my tattoo burning under my sleeve.

"Yes, working compact," Simmons presented to Skye from a padded box. "Holds up under x-ray."

"Desert rose to match your complexion." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how obvious Fitz was being. Of course he noticed Skye's complexion and no one else's and would tell that to her straight. It was enough to get me to disconnect from this conversation and make my way over to Coulson.

"Can we make it three?" He looked up at me curiously. May was shooting me a look but I ignored her. I wasn't letting this happen without me. "Can we make the extraction team three? I don't want to question orders, but this is a hostage scenario that requires the hostage to be compliant once we find him." I hoped I was making sense as I spouted this out. "He could be disoriented or afraid and you're not trained for that kind of specialist work."

"But you are?" he probed. I nodded.

"Hall's one of ours, and he's in trouble," I continued, surprised I hadn't been shut down yet. "I want to help make sure you get him out. I can carry my weight."

"He's not worried about that," May cut in harshly. "But I'm worried about the fact that neither of you are specialists. I've already seen far more combat than I bargained for and I was hoping to avoid it, but-"

"That's why you're not on it," Coulson reminded her.

"I think we could use her," Ward surprisingly leapt to my defense. "She's right. This is the kind of scenario she was meant to be put in." Like I said, I was really starting to like Ward. "If everything goes according to plan, she should be just fine."

May now clearly had had enough and started to lash out at me. "She doesn't even have a weapon, Coulson. She has no real combat training. She will have no use to you out there other than dragging her along. You do not need to be watching her back as well as your own. It will get you killed."

"I know her skills. I picked her for this team after all," Coulson reminded her. I could tell May wanted to blow it right then and there, but she thankfully managed to hold her tongue. I could tell I wasn't winning her over with this move though, but at this point I didn't care. Two of my three boys were going so I was too. I was going to make sure they were safe like I was meant to do. I was going to be an Agent. I was going to be brave. I was going to be one of the good guys. And there was nothing she could say or do outside spilling everything that would change that, and even then I would put up a hell of a fight.

"Crawford, you're with us then," Coulson decided. "You stick with one of us the whole time and do your thing when we get to Hall."

"Absolutely, sir." I had to keep from pumping my fist in victory, but I played it very cool and collected. I had this. Or did I? Now that I did have it I might be starting to reconsider a bit what exactly I had just pushed myself into doing.

"Alright, team, suit up," he told us, heading out to get ready himself. I did my best to ignore May's eyes boring holes into the back of my head and went with Ward to get the gear I needed. Fitz gave me an encouraging pat on the back as I walked past.

"Be safe," he told me. I just nodded stiffly, still a bit in disbelief over what I had just argued for doing. But there was no turning back now I suppose.

Still wish we went with the monkey plan.

XXX


	8. Guilt

_Guilt_

I actually enjoyed the boat ride out, despite it being in a small bouncing black inflatable raft essentially. It was my first time out on the water that I could remember and if felt good to have the wind whipping through my ponytail and the salt water spraying my face. It felt good and I couldn't help at least one laugh from escaping my lips. Neither Coulson nor Ward seemed to mind though despite seeing more serious about the matter at hand than I did. It was a mostly silently journey though which I think might have kept me from being too on edge. It was almost peaceful. As the beach came into sight, I tried to focus up a bit and get ready for what I was about to do. I had to get the boys through this and get Hall out of there. Just keep it loose and simple.

I helped them pull the raft onto the beach, thought they did most of the heavy lifting. We stowed it in a corner and prepared to make our way up the beach, myself having the understanding I was to remain covered by one of the guys at all times. I couldn't help but take the weather and seas in and wish I had that bikini though. A swim sounded like a really good idea- if I could swim. God it was so bad I couldn't remember if I could swim.

"As Crawford said, we don't know the state of Dr. Hall when we find him. He may not be the same after such a traumatic experience. I'll be with her and take her to him so she can talk him down and get him out of there safely, Ward. We don't want your personality to set him even more on edge."

I gave Ward a sympathetic look, but he just shrugged it off. You could tell he was focused on what was about to go down as we made our way through the sand. I was desperately trying to keep my balance in my sneakers, which did not provide good sand traction. "Great time for humor, sir. My people skills are the least of our problems if Skye can't get us in."

We made our way up a hill until we reached a sign that was in a language I couldn't understand, but the message seemed to be clear judging from the picture of the red light next to the words along with the black and yellow color. I grabbed a handful of sand and tossed it in that direction, jumping a bit when a yellow grid appeared for a moment before vanishing again. The fence was still up, and that meant Skye hadn't done her part yet. Which was worrying because she had plenty of time as we were pulling in and hiking- I just hoped something hadn't gone wrong. Coulson let out a sigh next to me.

"Next patrol any minute now," Ward commented from behind us. I understood the secret meaning- we didn't have a lot of time.

" _Skye's offline_ ," came May's voice through our earpieces, making us all trade looks with one another. " _Repeat, we've lost audio and visuals._ "

I looked to the two of them for what to do now. This was a major check in the not good column. Ward spoke up first. As I turned to look at him, I spotted three men in white uniforms making their way up towards us. "Abort is not an option, but if she's compromising-"

"She's still our only way to get to Dr. Hall."

"And we're their-"

"We have company," I said hastily, pointing in the direction of the men. Coulson and Ward reacted immediately, ducking into the brush beside us. I followed, positioning myself behind them as was expected of me.

"Beach is all clear," one of them said, though they still seemed to be a distance away. "Let's move up the ridge." Ward and Coulson steeled themselves while I just kept my fingers crossed taking these guys by surprise worked out. It was okay I wasn't fighting I told myself- I still had a purpose here. I wasn't being useless. I was keeping myself safe as ordered for my part in all this.

Coulson and Ward jumped the guys as soon as they were close enough, Coulson taking out one in the time Ward handled the other two. I emerged from the brush myself once they were down to see Coulson struggling to break down the weapon one of the guys had. "Damn. A little rusty, I guess."

Ward just took the gun from him and threw into the grid, disintegrating it instantly with a touch of frustration that it was still up. Coulson clicked his comm. "Guys, clock's ticking. Where's Skye?"

I made my way over to Ward and put a hand on his shoulder. "She's going to do it. You trained her well and did everything you needed to do. She's on our side." He didn't say or do anything, just stood there so I don't know if he believed me. I didn't know if I believed me.

Then came the rush of excited chatter over the comms from the Bus and we knew we were in business. I gave Ward a pat and I swore he even flashed me a hint of a smile. Coulson bent down and was checking what the men had on them when we heard the crackling voice over one of their walky-talkies. " _We have a man down. Hostiles on the east ridge!"_

With that came the gunshots in our direction. Ward grabbed my arm and the three of us moved towards the fence, only for the bullets hitting it illuminating that it was still up. We were forced to come to a screeching halt, Ward holding me steady as I nearly tripped into it and positioning myself in front of him out of harm's way. "Aah! We need a reset here, Fitz!" Coulson told the others as he and Ward prepped their guns to shoot. More gunshots were sent our way. It was getting to the point I wasn't truly flinching at them anymore which was somehow scarier. "Fitz!"

" _Shouting his name repeatedly does not increase productivity!_ " Simmons shouted at us.

" _Okay, go!"_ Coulson took off over the line where the fence had been while Ward gave me a harsh shove across. I managed to stay on my feet though, surprisingly.

" _Oh, maybe it does._ "

" _System rebooting in two, one, now!_ " Fitz relayed as Ward just managed to jump over himself before the fence appeared once again, bullets merely bouncing off it. I helped pull Ward to his feet and we took off at a job up the stairs to what had to be one of Quinn's many fountains on the property. I had to admit the place was pretty nice. This one was luckily empty though, being so far from the party.

"We'll look for Dr. Hall down in the lab," Coulson told Ward, and I moved so that I was behind him more than the both of them.

"I'll get Skye," Ward agreed. He ran towards the house while Coulson led us more towards the back of the property, keeping us away from everyone. Coulson had obviously memorized the layout of the place and expertly and effortlessly guided us into a shed with a secret door in the back. I don't think anyone even spotted us. We took the stairs two at a time before arriving at what looked to be an underground bunker, spotting the head of Dr. Hall at the door towards the very end of the hallway.

He went in first, greeting the man who looked to be messing around at some type of console. "Dr. Hall," he greeted. "Agent Coulson. Agent Crawford. We have an exit strategy."

"We're here to get you out of here," I added warmly. But surprisingly he didn't even seem to be looking at us. Something was off.

"S.H.I.E.L.D.?" he asked, still typing away.

"Yes, sir," Coulson smiled, heading for the door. "Let's get you out of here."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Coulson and Ms. Crawford. I'm right where I'm supposed to be." Oh no. They had gotten to him. Coulson looked at me, unsure how to handle this. And I knew it was my turn to step up. I walked towards Hall and positioned myself right next to him.

"I know it's been a long few days you've been stuck here," I told him gently. A larger scale version of the Gravitonium was had found was sparking behind us, but I tried to ignore it. "I don't know what Quinn did to you or promised you to make you want to stay here, but we can protect you. I promise."

"An opportunity," he answered me bluntly. Okay, so he wanted to work with the Gravitonium. He had been searching for it his whole career after all. Play to that.

"I know you're excited that it's real Dr. Hall- that you were right. But playing with this means Ian Quinn gets what he want to. And he's one of the bad guys. He kidnapped you. We can't let that happen."

"We can't let anyone have control of this. That's why I'm here." He finally looked at me. "To bury it at the bottom of the ocean, with him." The Gravitonium was now spinning, glowing orange and green as it call together for me. The choice Dr. Hall had made.

" _Coulson. The leak came from…"_

"You, Dr. Hall," I breathed, a little bit in shock. Coulson seemed to have caught up too and was very concerned at what was happening in the other room with the Gravitonium "You got yourself kidnapped by Quinn."

"All petitions and embargoes in the world couldn't stop Ian," Hall told me as he continued with the controls. "He grows more powerful every day. And then I get word he's found this." He hit another button and soon Coulson and I were both leaning against the glass.

"You don't have to do it like this," I told him. "You're with S.H.I.E.L.D. You know we can help. We can find another way to stop him together."

"I'm sorry Miss Crawford, but I already had to make a choice." With that, everything started to fall off the shelves around us.

"Something tells me that wasn't the "off" button!" Coulson quipped to me before we were both thrown into the glass more forcefully. I managed to use my hands to break the collision- good thing the glass was sturdy- but Coulson took a hit to the head and fell… up to the ceiling. We were now standing on the ceiling. I tried not to get lost in that fact and ran over to him as he groaned. He was behind a table so we were out of view of Hall, who must have stayed in the room if he was trapped on the ceiling.

"Guys, we have a bit of a situation," I relayed into my comm, hovering over Coulson as he seemed to be coming to.

" _We're aware of the problem, Crawford_ ," May answered me coldly. " _Hall wanted Quinn to kidnap him?_ "

" _Yeah, why would he want to do that?_ " Fitz questioned. Coulson opened his eyes, one a little bruised but it looked alright, and I helped him prop himself up on his elbows. He gave me a smile that he was alright and I sighed in relief.

" _What is wrong with him?_ " Simmons added.

"Quinn built a gravity generator," Coulson got everyone up to speed as I started to help him up. "Hall knew Quinn would need him to control its raw power, but Hall just wanted to unleash it."

" _The one we found was 2.5 centimeters in diameter. It stopped a semi. How big are we talking?_ "

"Twelve feet," He answered. "It's definitely take down the entire compound." Fitz-Simmons spoke at the same time, seeming to indicate we were in for worse from what I could make out. "Work a solution. I'll disconnect the power before thing get…"

He was now up and seemed to notice our situation, giving me a look. I merely shrugged. I had been trying not to think about it, but now I found I was just weirdly accepting it. "They're already crazy, sir."

"They can't help you," Hall told us. We looked over to see he had Coulson's gun and what looked to be a bottle of wine. He propped up one of the chairs and took a seat in front of us. "Soon, it'll reach an exponential acceleration state. I'm sorry." He wasn't planning on leaving then. He was making the sacrifice play.

"My team's here," Coulson let slip out, looking at the generator before turning his gaze to me, "good people." I almost cried as I gave him a watery smile. I had to get him out of this. I had to figure this out and save him. He was too good a man for it to happen like this.

"Sworn to protect all mankind?" Hall said almost mockingly as he uncapped the bottle. "That's what I'm doing, I promise… making things right." He poured the wine into a glass at a very odd angle and chuckled as he took a sip.

"Dr. Hall-"I began, but then everything shifted once again. We were thrown towards one of the walls as the gravity in the room shifted, myself and Coulson grabbing and helping one another break our falls. Hall merely stepped from one to the other, glass in hand. The guy clearly knew what he had been studying. I seemed to be coping easier, maybe because I hadn't hit my head, and managed to spring to my feet on this wall pretty quickly. I took a step forward and heard the sound of Hall removing the safety from the gun. My hands were in the air and Coulson followed suit once he was up as well.

"All I had to do to get access to Quinn's lab was drop little clue, create a puzzle for him to solve Quinn likes to feel smart."

"So you gave him your location," I surmised. "Why didn't you try coming to him. You were his friend. He might have listened to you. He might still listen to you now if you turn off this little display and explain-"

"You can't reason with an addict, and he's addicted to exploiting opportunities." I could tell Hall was furious, full of anger and hatred. Negative emotion would get us nowhere. I had to turn things around, make him remember good things. "He never gives a thought to the friends, ecosystems, future generations left ruined in his wake."

"But you do," I tried desperately. "I can see that. You're one of us. Fitz and Simmons, they told me about how much you studied and cared about this." That seemed to get through to him a bit, and I decided to run with it. "They adore you. I've seen it. That's why we worked so hard to save you, because they care about you. We all-"

"You're S.H.I.E.L.D.," he nearly spat as rumbling sent me and Coulson toppling over together. I cursed myself for having made a wrong step. I had to get back in there and convince him. I had to do my job. "Experimentation without thought of consequence! Your search for an unlimited power source brought an alien invasion."

"Fair point," Coulson conceded generously as more rumbling echoed, sending even Hall to his knees.

"T-this element is far too powerful for you, for him, for anyone! I don't have to tell you that. You're feeling it now." Gravity was shifting entirely again, sending us back towards the ceiling. But this one was rough enough it managed to knock Hall off his feet, sending the gun into the space between us. I reached for it, but he beat me there as the room continued spinning. But Coulson had my back and managed to punch Hall once very hard in the face, allowing me to grab the gun from him.

We then backed into our two corners, the glass where the generator was now below and between us. I had the gun and stood beside Coulson on one side while Hall shook off his blow on the other. I refused to point it at Hall though. I had to show him we were better than him, that we had potential.

"A lot of people are going to be hurt, Dr. Hall," I tried. "But we can save them all if you help us. We will get Ian Quinn together, but not like this."

Coulson had pulled a cord behind me, but the generator was still clearly going. "Fitz-Simmons?" he asked, earning a bunch of words from both of them. I locked onto the same from both- catalyst.

" _Something to create a chemical reaction in the core_ ," Simmons added. I turned back to Hall, looking desperate and pleading.

"Dr. Hall, we can do this together. I know you we're trying to do the right thing, but we have a better way. We just need to find a catalyst and-"

"I am doing the right thing," he told me. "A completely selfless act. I know that history never celebrates what didn't happen." He was moving closer. I could also see the heads of Skye and Ward appear in the door behind us, but there was no way for them to get in with the gravity like this. "They'll call this a-a tragedy. They won't understand the good I did here."

I could still get through to him. I could still do this. "You'll kill so many innocent people, Dr. Hall," I pleaded.

"I'll save millions," he countered. And somehow I knew then I wasn't going to be able to change his mind. I wasn't going to win. But I had to save my team- my boys. If I couldn't do one job then I was going to be damn sure I did the other. "We have to live with the choices we make, but sometimes we have to die with them, too."

I felt Coulson take the gun from me as he stepped next to me. "I understand," he told the man across from us, hand slipping into mine. I had no clue what he was doing, but I knew he had a plan "You made a hard call." I nodded, still hoping. I just needed a sign.

"Yes."

"And now I have to make mine." Before I could react, Coulson shot the glass below us until it shattered. I felt myself falling but then stopped as Coulson's kept his hand locked in mine. His other had grabbed a wire dangling from what was now the ceiling and we hung from it. Hall had no such luck and was now falling into the generator. I managed to barely grab his hand, but it slipped the instant I had it.

"No!" I shouted as he fell into the generator, screaming as the goo in the center seemed to swallow him up. I watched the whole thing and it was the most painful thing I did. As soon as he was gone Coulson and I were safely on the floor again. I realized what he had done then- Hall had been the catalyst. He had stopped the generator with Hall. Coulson got to his feet but I just stayed on my hands and knees, reeling with the fact that I had failed on every count. I hadn't been able to talk down Hall. I hadn't been able to keep Coulson safe. I had forced him to make a call he clearly didn't want to just to save us. Hall was dead. The others had seen everything- they knew the truth now. I couldn't protect anyone. I didn't have a skill as an Agent at all. I had no purpose being an Agent.

May was absolutely right.

I wasn't an Agent. I was a fraud.

And then came the tears. Skye and Ward had run into the room and she was kneeling by my side, hugging me to her as they started to spill over. All I kept seeing was Hall falling. I tried to suck it up, but the weight of what had happened just crushed me. So Skye helped me to my feet, Coulson putting a comforting hand on my back that I ignored, and led me out of the room. Away from the murder that had happened because of me.

XXX

I retreated to my bunk as soon as we got back. I hadn't dared to speak to Fitz-Simmons as they were probably mourning their mentor or face May or even take up Skye's offer of food. Coulson had assured me I did everything I possibly could have, that I couldn't see this as a failure of my talent. Hall had just been too far gone when we reached him and Coulson had made the decision he needed to so he could protect us and he didn't regret it. "I would do it again," he had said. I would get them next time and I couldn't take it so personally. The words had just bounced right off and he luckily finally decided to give me some space.

I was crying when Ward peeked in on me. I was crying and staring at the wall cursing myself for ever believing I stood a chance. That I could belong in this world. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, staring at me. "I bet you thing I'm a failure now," I told him as I wiped my eyes. I knew this was coming eventually. "Bet you wish you had packed me up when you had the chance."

Surprisingly, he shook his head. "Crawford… you need to move past this." He was blunt but I could tell this was his attempt at being gentle. "I know things didn't go the way you intended or wanted. It happens to even the very best of us. We can't account for every variable- you didn't know Hall had chosen this for himself and was set on it. You just… need to get a grip and make it drive you to work every angle next time."

"There shouldn't be a next time," I choked. I was about to continue when I felt him get closer to me, hands on my shoulders and eyes locked on mine. The message was clear- I was feeling sorry for myself and needed to knock it off. I was no use to my team like this and they needed me at my best. But of course they thought that. They didn't know the whole story. And in that moment I felt the crippling loneliness that came with being in my situation. I had no memories to fall back on, only lies. Everything my only friends knew about me had been made up so they would like me. I was all by myself fighting a battle I don't think I could ever win.

"There will be," he disagreed with me, a little forcefully. I felt myself look down, but he forced my chin back up so I would look at him. "And we are going to trust you just as much then as we did back there. Because you are good at your job and doubting that is just crippling yourself." And we sat there for a moment, him just holding my chin and willing me to get what he was trying to say. He was trying to get the person he believed to be his friend back.

I don't know quite how to explain what happened next or why it happened really. In a way it was instantaneous and in a way it had been building for a while. I think most of it was just the blanket of feelings I was suffering under- guilt and loneliness- and my desire to break free of it if even for a moment. Part of it probably had to do that Ward was right here in front of me being nice and trying to help me out- making a small physical connection with his hand on my face. And I wanted a bigger one to keep me down on the ground- keep myself from floating off into some abyss. And I know it sounds like I'm just making excuses, but I swear the air in room was full of electricity sparking something in me. So I did what I felt the electricity that had built up in my small bunk told me to do. I leaned forward and I kissed Grant Ward. I kissed him like my life depended on it.

Things escalated pretty rapidly from there. The next moment he was kissing me back, possessive and forceful. Just what I needed. In the next moment his hands started to roam to places other than my face as mine locked behind his neck- creating more physical tethers between the two of us. And then I didn't feel guilty or lonely as he pushed me down into my bed, making quick work of my jeans as I pulled off his shirt. And then after quickly removing his pants we were connected in a whole lot of ways.

It was quick. It was rough. I think I liked it in the moment, or at least I think I did with no basis to compare it to, but I had the good sense to realize my mistake as soon as it was over. Somehow I felt even worse. I was even nastier on the inside.

I didn't even let him say anything before I rolled out of the bed, grabbed a pair of pajamas from my drawer, and bolted for the bathroom just praying I wouldn't run into anyone. Thankfully he didn't call or come after me. I managed to make it, locking the door and sliding down it to the cold tile floor with my head in my hands.

I just had sex with Grant Ward. I just had sex with a member of my team who I was literally trapped on this Bus with. A guy who clearly had something much deeper going on with another member who was friend of mine. Who was one of my best friends. I knew it hadn't meant anything and that it wouldn't happen again, but I couldn't help but berate myself for somehow managing to screw up today even more. I had let the situation get to me and completely lost control in the worst way. Because I now had to deal with emotional consequences in addition to physical and that terrified me.

I took a quick and immediate shower once I got my senses back as if I could just wash it all away. I stared at my tattoo, running my fingers over the cursive words that almost made a bracelet on the palm side of my forearm, and thanked God he hadn't seen it of I would be officially screwed- or at least even more than I had been. Boy, I felt gross just thinking about it. I don't think I was supposed to be having this violent of a reaction, but my gut was telling this was not the time and Grant Ward certainly wasn't the one. It wasn't going to happen again and I was going to make sure no one knew that it had happened. It needed to stay between Ward and me; otherwise everyone on the team would think I was a complete train-wreck waiting to happen.

I threw on my pajamas, long-sleeved of course, and made my way to the only place I thought would be safe to hide- the cockpit. May didn't even spare me a glance as I folded myself up into a ball in the copilot's seat- trapped in my own thoughts of how right she had been about me. It must have been about five minutes before she finally spoke up.

"I'm going back in the field," she informed me. I figured it would only be a matter of time with the way her and Coulson bickered. She clearly cared about him. "And I'm not going to waste any breath trying to babysit you when there's a mission that needs to be done."

I heard her loud and clear. I was done trying. "I guess I won't be going on anymore missions then," I conceded, pulling my legs up under my chin. This morning I had been asking her to help me and now I was giving up. The turnabout didn't surprise me though really. All it took was one mission to see she was right.

"I was going to say that in order to prevent that scenario I thought we should begin basic training promptly, so you'll be able to hold you own and I won't have to babysit you." Wait. What?

"Seriously?!" I couldn't help but ask, turning her way. She gave me a look out of the corner of her eye and I realized she would never joke about something like this. And somehow, her words were enough. May was pushing me to keep going, so I needed to keep going. I had her on my side now, someone who knew and understood everything. I wasn't alone like I had thought after all. And with her help I might just be able to work myself up to an Agent that I could be proud of. With a few simple words Agent May was giving me hope for myself- more than my entire… encounter with Ward had. "Thank you," I told her sincerely. "Thank you so much."

She didn't answer and soon I settled back into the chair, staring off into the night sky. I think I felt so at peace with where I was and who I was with that it made falling asleep the easiest it had been since I woke up.

XXX

 _I looked down as Hall fell into the generator, screaming as I lost his grip. But then I realized it wasn't Hall at all, but Coulson. "Coulson!" I tried to lunge for him again desperately but it was no use. I even tried to let go, but I was stuck above the glass somehow. I couldn't even close my eyes or look away. I just had to dangle and watch as Coulson was swallowed by the Gravitonium, screaming in anguish the entire time._

 _"Ashleigh! Ashleigh!" he cried._ "Ashleigh!"

XXX

"Ashleigh!" I bolted awake to find May staring at me. The sun was just starting to peek over the clouds, meaning I had been out for a bit. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, wiping the sweat from my forehead and sitting up. It was just a dream. No big deal. "Just a nightmare about Hall and Coulson." May accepted this with a nod and turned her attention back to flying and I realized this was the first time I had been completely honest with someone since I had been brought here. And it was really starting to get to the point where I hated lying. But I just had to stomach it, swallow the bile down and hope it never built up too much.

Speaking of stomach, mine was rumbling. I got up out of the chair, aching everywhere from a multitude of things but the main one being thrown around by a rotating gravity. "I'm going to get some breakfast." I started for the door, letting out a groan as I pulled it open.

"Meet me in the cargo hold at nine tonight and we'll get started," were her parting words. "Don't be late." Not a chance since my life depended on it. I made my way through the Bus, hoping it was early enough no one else was up. I felt a lot better after my time with May but I wasn't sure about facing everyone-

Coulson sat at the counter reading his tablet with one of my Pop Tarts in his hand. I couldn't help but smirk as I made my way past him to put two of my own into the toaster. "Good morning, sir," I greeted him warmly. He glanced up at me for a mere moment before looking down again with a smile.

"Good to have you back, Crawford." I sat across from him as I waited patiently, genuine smile on my face. I was okay and it was a brand new day to do better with. My boys were safe and that was what mattered. I just kept repeating in my head hoping it would stick- facing the day with a smile.

"Good to be back, sir."

And then black smoke started coming out of the toaster before it let out the worst noise I think a toaster could make. By the time I got to it, my Pop Tarts had fallen to the mechanical monster.

Off to a great start already.

XXX


	9. Hit and Run

_Hit and Run_

There were quite a few surprises in store for me the days that followed our encounter with Dr. Hall. The first was that May had been serious in her offer to train and guide me. Like getting my ass kicked nightly serious. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. I did eat mat occasionally, but most of our training was spent doing yoga and stretches. Which was fine by me because I could actually breathe and hold a pose for a few seconds no problem, or mostly no problem. Plus I wasn't exactly in a position to argue anything against May since she was doing this out of what could be the dwindling kindness of her heart. I didn't want to spend all my good will a week in. Coulson had of course noted the time I was putting in and seemed to be quite accepting of it. I think he was glad I was putting my feelings about Hall into a much better and more productive outlet.

I soon grasped what May was going for though as I worked on keeping my heartrate steady. The woman did have a productive and guided method for teaching. I doubted I was her first student anyway. Before I learned anything combative I had to learn control. Only by having control over myself was I going to be to seem like I had control over the situation. That meant I had to keep my emotions under tight control… be at peace with myself or something like that. Which was actually something I sorely needed to master with all the slips I had been making recently. I couldn't let myself fall off the deep end anymore. This was my wake-up call and chance to get a grip. I had to seem like I had it together. No more crying on missions. No more feeling guilty about the lies that were necessary to tell. No more sleeping with Ward.

Speak of the devil, Ward was the next surprise. The man seemed to sense that I wanted nothing to do with… our dalliance and thus never even brought it up to me privately. He also gave no sign of it publically. There were no awkward looks on his part at least. He was very good at pretending at everything was okay- treated me exactly as he had before without a hitch. Meanwhile, I was looking everywhere but at him and having my skin crawl as my mind refused to move on from what had happened and playing it back over and over. God, I wish I had been drunk so I forgot that the next morning instead of vivid remembrance. What had I been thinking? I hadn't been at all. So now I felt like I couldn't stand next to him and be anything but awkward. I tried to hide it under our usual banter and just pray no one noticed. I mean I was no Ward, but I hoped most of this stuff was internal and not a neon sign to the others.

Skye also had a few things up her sleeve. She seemed to have turned over a new leaf in her training, mostly. She still said 'Bang!' whenever she fired a gun, but she seemed to be working with Ward in a much greater capacity than before. The tension between the two of them was continuing to grow to everyone's notice and it somehow made the pit in my stomach even bigger. Skye was one of my best and only friends, but I felt like I could never tell her what had happened. She would ditch Ward as her SO in a heartbeat, and I wasn't going to risk the only thing she seemed to actually want like that. She wanted to be a real S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and I was going to make damn sure she was for the both of us. So I kept my mouth shut.

But the most surprising thing of all was the reaction of Fitz-Simmons when I finally worked up the courage to head into their lab that first day. I had a Pop Tart in my hand and was ready to beg them to forgive me for what had happened to their mentor. I barely got in the door when Jemma tackled me in a very unexpected hug. I just stood stock still while she pulled away and looked me over with Fitz hovering just behind her. "I'm sorry I couldn't save Dr. Hall," was all I could manage to say.

Simmons shook her head at me, eyes locked on mine. "We're just glad you're okay." She then pulled me in for another hug as I looked at Fitz over her shoulder- managing a small wave that he reciprocated. "We are sad about Frank, but I couldn't even imagine what we'd be like if we lost you."

I was pretty much floored. I knew they were my friends, but the two of them just cared about me so much. I think that was the final piece of the puzzle after May's words that helped me move on. I had been so dumb not to look for connection here when I so desperately needed it, but I wasn't going to ever make that mistake again. When Simmons pulled away, Fitz gestured for me to join him. "I'll let you hold this still while I do some work on it." He was letting me touch his stuff. He did care.

I approached him and placed the Pop Tart on the bench between us before grabbing what looked like a pistol. It was my way of saying the same thing back. "Thanks Ash," he said with a gentle smile before shoving it in his mouth. I couldn't help but roll my eyes while laughing that the nickname apparently wasn't a one-time thing, but was secretly thrilled beyond measure.

"It was a one time thing, Lee," I responded with the nickname of my own as he started up his soldering iron, trying not to flinch as he brought the heat towards what was in my hands. "It was a guilt Pop Tart."

"Well, chances are you're going to make something explode in here with just your presence and owe me another one tomorrow," he said cheekily before getting to work.

"He's not wrong," Simmons of course took his side as she returned to her work. They ended up being right of course, but then he burned my finger and decided to call it even as I sat there glaring at him- hand in a beaker full of ice Simmons had thrown together.

It was about half a week later, most of that spent in the lab where Skye frequented as well, that we received word from May over the intercom that we were changing course for Sweden. I was with Fitz-Simmons and unfortunately Ward waiting for it to be time to land and get to work. I was ready to step back into the ring and deliver a knockout this time. I had a few days' worth of training on my side. What else could a girl need?

Ward was examining a blue bullet Fitz had been working on for the past few days along with the pistol. He practically ran back and forth between the two like a madman. Jemma told me that was normal though when he had multiple projects. I had even started playing a personal game of how many laps he took around the lab in a minute. The record was eight. But I wasn't thinking about that now, instead focused on trying to stand as far away from Ward as possible without looking obvious about it. I had chosen Simmons at her computer as my excuse this time, pretending I could comprehend what she was looking at.

"I only get one shot," Ward reminded Fitz as he studied the bullet. Ward was always very critical when Fitz asked him to examine his day's work. I thought it kind of made him seem like an ass, but I get why he was being so pressing about it. We did need the weapon to work properly with everything we were sure to see. "And it has to knock a person back as well as out."

"Which is why we're working on this little beauty," Fitz said with pride as he showed off the pistol. ".45-claiber cartridges, semi-automatic, and has some of Ash's blood for luck."

"My finger and I still haven't forgiven you for that!" I shouted over my shoulder. He gave me an apologetic look that was completely sarcastic, so my only answer was to turn back in a sarcastic huff. Ward looked a bit confused but the two of us were having a great time. That was all that mattered in my book.

Fitz got his attention back by inserting the magazine into the pistol. See, I was learning gun words. Things were improving on all fronts. "Each mag contains eight therapeutic rounds of dendrotoxin."

"In case you miss!" Simmons said brightly, only to receive a look from Ward that made her smile awkwardly. "Or have multiple assailants."

"Nice cover," I whispered, trying to keep the laughter contained to my head. She just rolled her eyes and went back to work.

"Yeah, w-we're gonna have this new night-night pistol working in no time," Fitz smiled about his progress. Simmons had finished her part with the bullets a bit ago and it was all up to him now. "Okay?"

Ward seemed to accept this with a nod, starting out of the lab for the metal stairs. "Great. But we're not calling it that." Fitz let out the littlest, most pathetic gasp as Jemma could only look at him with a smirk.

"Ah, told you." His attention then turned to me, looking for any sort of anchor.

"I like it. He's just got a stick up his butt like usual." Ward turned to look at me and I instantly found my eyes locked on the ground like some sort of wild reflex. I felt a blush rising in my cheeks, but desperately tried to hide it before looking up again. He was thankfully already out the door and I buried my sigh of relief with a laugh as Fitz sat back down staring at his invention, clearly being moody over Ward's words. His arms were behind his head as he just stared down at the pistol almost as if trying to melt it with his gaze. He clearly looked up to the guy and once just wanted one of these meetings to pass without Ward saying something that put his invention down. I went over to him, sitting on the edge of the desk and just staring at him.

"What?" he said finally, looking up at me after a moment of awkward silence as I had fully intended and wanted him to acknowledge.

"You're brilliant," I said with a shrug. "Just thought you should know." It wasn't very difficult to make Fitz smile or laugh, but it was always worth it tenfold. Plus I felt like he just needed to hear the truth sometimes with how much of a bully he was to himself. Sometimes I even thought he was worse than me, which was something I thought I would never say. He sat forward, hands moving into his lap. I instantly shot back up before he could respond to head back by Simmons and pretend I understood what she was talking about again. I didn't quite make it over however as Coulson made his way into the lab and earning all of our attention.

"I'm taking Skye and May," he informed us in his businesslike tone, the one that meant we really needed to listen. It was mission related. "There was a very… interesting robbery of some diamonds to add to some recent cases in Milan and Monte Carlo on the underground. Thief did it completely with her eyes closed." Well, alright then. That certainly put this up our alley. "Fitz-Simmons, I want you to see if you could pull anything on the CCTV cameras. Call me with any news." The two of them nodded, Fitz grabbing his tablet to get to work. "Crawford, I want you and Ward to get in contact with Swedish customs. You should talk to them since you'll be more… patient." I couldn't help but snort at that, making my boss smile. "I want them to ID a picture we find to see if she's already left the country. Likely given she doesn't seem to stick around." I nodded, secretly dreading working with Ward but unable to let anyone know that. He dismissed us with a nod, leaving me to give the two a salute as I started out of the lab.

"Well, looks like I'm off to brush up on the Swedish I never learned," I said with a sarcastic smile.

"Have fun," they both waved me off in unison before beginning their usual banter. I was almost starting to get a word in these days. It was pretty exciting.

I grabbed my tablet from my bed and pulled up the function that would let me translate sentences to Swedish when I called. I was pretty excited to use it for the first time. I stepped into the Briefing Room to see Ward already had someone up on screen and was now digging through diamond purchasers. "Akela Amador?" I questioned. Coulson had barely left and we had this already.

"Coulson has his suspicions," Ward answered. "Call them up and see if anyone saw someone that matches her description." I went to do so, dialing and desperately trying to keep things from getting awkward. "You know you don't have to act like that," he said as I waited on hold. "It happened."

"Well, it shouldn't have," I couldn't help but snap. I was not prepared or ready to have this conversation. Not when I had to listen to some sort of Polka tune through the earpiece that had to have been repeating for about the sixth time. "I wasn't thinking."

"Doesn't mean you have to act like a crazy person," he countered. "It's good to scratch the itch every now and then. Especially with all the stress we're put through. I mean, you've obviously done it before. So have I." I could tell he meant to weirdly comfort me with those words, but they actually made me lose close to all my color. Was that true? Was it that obvious? Had I done something like this before? Had I once been in a relationship that I just couldn't remember now? What if there was a boyfriend I couldn't remember? Was he aware of what I had been planning to do? What if there was a husband who was at home wondering why his wife ran out on him instead of making the casserole he wanted for dinner? Oh my God, what if it was something in high school under the bleachers? I think my heart stopped just at the thought.

Ward seemed to realize that he somehow managed to break me from the lack of expression on my face, shaking his head. "I'm just saying. Don't feel bad. No one needs to know so you can stop freaking out around them. You were emotional. And I'd be willing if you ever were again." Gross. Gross. So gross. I could just picture Skye's face falling without even knowing why if she heard that.

I went to retort when the Swedish customs office decided to bail me out. He was a true friend like that. He was pretty quick to identify the woman Ward had up on screen as well. He was even kind enough to find out where she had gone once she landed.

"Who is she?" I asked Ward after I had my information and hung up.

"She used to be an Agent. They thought she died on a raid she led seven years ago. Coulson obviously had some doubts though- he trained her." Well, that explained it. This was another personal case. I felt my heart constrict a bit but went into some of my deep breathing exercises. I could handle this. I was going to prove myself this time around and even if I didn't they wouldn't hold it against me. She had already turned to the Dark Side and it wasn't my responsibility to save her if she was too far gone. That was a reference. I knew it was, but I couldn't place to what. God, having amnesia sucked. Had I mentioned that recently? It was like forgetting your keys… all the time.

"Interesting," I condensed my thoughts into one word, examining her face. I wonder what had made her turn. I could never imagine betraying Coulson for anything and I had barely met him. She had been trained by him.

The man himself was back a few minutes later with Skye and May. "The nice man at Swedish customs not only told me that Amador left the country under an alias with a hard-to-fake Swedish passport," I pitched my work, "but that she flew into Belarus and then got a train ticket for some town called Zloda I think is how he pronounced it."

Coulson nodded, almost having expected this. "I've put together a list on individuals who could fence that many diamonds," Ward went up to bat as the monitor screen switched to his work. "There's been no contact or activity."

"Maybe she's saving them for a rainy day, buying something special," Coulson approached the screen with his hint of humor that I appreciated. "Let's focus on finding Amador."

"I'll let HQ know she's alive so they can assist with the manhunt," May brought up, clearly not exactly in favor of Coulson having picked something this close to home.

"I'd like to hold off on that for now," he disagreed, earning quite the look from her. "Until we know more. Contact Belarus authorities. Find us a place to park the Bus." He turned back to Ward and me. "Put together a list of inns, hostels, and pensions near Zloda. There can't be many of them. We'll find her."

Ward and I both set us with a nod- I was already pulling up locations on my tablet. "I'll talk to them," I informed him with some authority as we left. It almost felt a little normal even. I forgot how good it was to give him a hard time. "I have more patience after all."

XXX

Soon enough all of us excepting May were loaded up in one of our white vans for the long drive to the inn where someone had spotted a match for Amador when we called them. She wouldn't stop raving about her really- called her an angel. Apparently there weren't many like her in these parts. I was stuck in the back being thrown one way and then another- Ward's fault since he was driving, Fitz-Simmons both next to me clutching cases of equipment. Skye was just in front of us doing the same thing, looking almost nervous in a way I hadn't seen on her before. I had made a mental promise to talk to her later… and beat up Ward if he had done something. The two symbiotic scientists were rambling on about some sort of physicist while I just kept looking out the window from behind Coulson. I wasn't sure how much of the world I had seen before, so I was trying to soak up everywhere we visited. Maybe one day I would recognize somewhere as home even.

"You guys are only here to search for Amador electronically," Coulson turned and blocked my view as he addressed my neighbors. "You won't even leave the van."

"Then I can't help but inquire why Ashleigh's here," Simmons spoke up. She then cast a glance my way. "No offense meant of course. We love having you."

"She's moral support," Coulson turned back. "She'll do her job to keep you all from letting anything do less than your best. And you won't let her touch anything expensive in return." Well, that was certainly flattering- the first part. It was always good to hear what Coulson thought of me- that it was still really good and positive things. His faith really hadn't been shaken. It was like your dad noticing the goal you scored at your soccer game.

" _Bus to short bus_ ," came May's voice over our intercom.

"Go for short bus," Ward said without hesitation. He was back in full Agent mode, suit and all.

"Next time I'll decide what we call ourselves, okay?" Coulson almost sighed. Ward didn't even seem to take a beat for the admonishment. I don't think cool code names were in his code and I'm sure Fitz agreed with me.

" _HQ has requested a status update._ "

"What did you tell them?"

" _That we're tracking a potential suspect… nothing more._ " May wasn't giving the game away. She was trusting Coulson despite her instincts which was very interesting to me. They must have quite the history to have something like that between them- a lot of honesty and trust. The earned kind.

"I owe you one."

" _More like three._ " We soon reached our destination after that, Ward pulling to a stop on the outside of the little village she had been placed at. I wanted to go exploring with the two of them, but knew Coulson was counting on me to hold down the fort. And I would hold it.

"If Amador's here, she'll have to contact her buyer," Coulson prepped everyone but me really as he and Ward readied their guns. "Scan for cellphone transmissions, encrypted e-mails, anomalous broadcast signatures. Call us if you find anything that indicates her presence." With that, he was out the passenger door.

"Maintain radio silence unless you really need help," Ward added. He glanced at me as he opened his door. "Make sure they hold to that." He was stepping out as I felt the need to ask the obvious follow-up question.

"But what exactly defines needing help?" All I got was a door slamming. "Jerk." The three of them set to work with their equipment while I climbed into the front seat to stay out of their way. I wouldn't last long if I got caught up in all that- probably make something explode and take everyone with me.

"There's barely any electricity in this town," Simmons told the group pleasantly, trying to keep spirits high. "Can't be too hard to find our mystery woman."

"Unless she already knows we're here," Skye countered mysteriously. It was pretty easy to see what she was getting at. I had wondered about it myself. I mean I had a tattoo that was about something that hadn't happened yet. Maybe it wasn't that far out there.

Simmons seemed to catch on too, but reacted with more disbelief than I was inclined to. "No. You're not suggesting some sort of precognition or telepathy because-"

"I know… it doesn't exist," Skye grumbled. "And not long ago, I would have dumped ESP in the 'aliens and portals are for crazy people' pile. But now…" She was cut off by her computer beeping. "Found a server," she told us. The monitor switched to what seemed to be some sort of television program, intercut with breaks of black and white lines appearing.

"There's something encrypted here," Fitz noticed and began typing away on his end. I just observed them all until he stopped. "Do you know if Ward packed any snacks? It was a long drive and I'm hungry."

"And I also have to use the washroom," Simmons added.

"I'll call him," Skye reached for the phone, but I grabbed it first.

"He said only unless we need help," I reminded them all. They all merely gave me looks. "Coulson put me in charge and I'm not going to let you screw it up. We're fine." They were still staring, so I needed to kick my leadership up a notch. "Simmons, I know you hate the idea but there are perfectly good trees right behind the van. We're outside town. No one will see." She looked horrified by the idea, but it was the only option we had if she couldn't hold it. "Lee, you're lucky I have your back. I packed some cookies for myself, but I guess I'll share." I had figured as much when I thought to stuff them in my pocket as we left.

I tossed the bag to him and he started working on them. "You're the best, Ash."

"You'd better save one for me," I told him with a fierce point before turning to Skye. "I know you're nervous and want your S.O. for this as a security blanket and that's okay. But we have your back. You're in the van and nothing's going to get to you." He look told me that wasn't her biggest issue. "Plus, the two of them will be fine. They've been doing this a lot longer than the rest of us." This seemed to be more what she was looking for- of course Skye wasn't being selfish and thinking of herself. I should have known. I put the phone in my lap and leaned back with crossed arms. "Now all of you get to work."

"I'm trying," Fitz let his frustration out as he typed in front of the screen, "but I can't seem to stabilize it. There's an encrypted local signal competing."

"Mirror it over. I have a couple of Rising Tide exploits that might work." Fitz apparently did just that as soon the images were n Skye's screen and she went into one of her flurries of typing that one couldn't make rhyme or reason out of. "One last thing." She somehow got even faster and soon on both screen there was the image of a street in black-and-white. "Ta-da and you're welcome."

They all gathered around the image as it went to color, showing a van parked on an idyllic street. Something about it sent a shiver down my spine, but I couldn't place just why at the moment.

"Russian TV is kind of boring," Skye commented as it just hovered on the van. It was creepy and weird and just didn't make sense at all. This wasn't just some joke channel. It meant something. And then it hit me like a shot.

"It's our van," I whispered. Sure enough, the image switched to black-and-white once again and confirmed it. It showed the inside of the van with three figures in the back and one in the front. I waved my hand and saw the figure in the front wave theirs as well- putting the nail in the coffin for me. "It's our van," I repeated louder, earning everyone's attention. I reached for the phone in my lap.

"Ashleigh!" Simmons called with worry and I saw that the image was now moving towards the van at a very rapid pace. Something was coming right for us and we didn't have much time at all to even figure out what it was.

"Brace yourselves!" I shouted in warning, hands slamming into the passenger seat in a desperate bid to keep me steady as something large collided with the van and rocked it. The phone flew out and fell under the seat to my dismay. Everyone else was sent tumbling over one another with equipment flying every which way. But they all seemed to be alright.

"Let's get out of here!" Skye decided, moving to the passenger's seat. I nodded and turned to face the wheel, only to freeze in realization. It couldn't be but I knew it was true. I knew was the blank space in my mind was trying to tell me. She was looking out my window at where Amador was backing up a vehicle of her own, preparing to strike again. "It's her. What are you waiting for?"

I turned to her and I must have been white as a sheet, knuckles clenched on the wheel in terror. "I don't know how to drive." The others seemed to catch on a moment later, eyes going wide as I can only look at them in horror. She was coming at us again and all I could do was mutter to myself in panic. "I don't know how to drive. I don't know how to drive. I don't know-"She rammed us again with such force that it sent the van tumbling down the ditch on the side of the road. I managed to stay in the driver's seat when we landed, hand curled around the arm rest beside me for dear life. The only view from my window now was that of the grass and dirt we had landed in.

The moment things settled my mind instantly went to the others in the car. I had to get them out of here in case she came back. I was the most qualified to defend us, but I had the feeling it wasn't going to be much of a fight. I sat up, muscles groaning from the knocks they had taken. "Boss says everyone out now!" I ordered, moving towards the back of the van and grabbing the phone from where I spotted it on the ground as I went. I managed to kick the door open with a few kicks spurred by adrenaline and climb out. I turned and made sure everyone followed, heart getting lighter as Simmons joined me followed by Fitz and then Skye cradling her left arm. We'd deal with that later.

Amador's vehicle seemed to be gone- no sign of it other than the dent in our car. I looked everyone over and let out a huge sigh of relief. We were a bit worse for wear, but we were okay. Wordlessly I dialed the phone and didn't even wait for Ward to speak when he picked up. "We need help, Ward." The line went dead and I knew they were coming, sinking down into the grass with relief. A moment later Skye was right next to me.

"How do you, the Agent who can fly a plane, not know how to drive?" She gritted her teeth in pain and I could see part of her arm was already swollen. She had broken it for sure. But her tone was joking, trying to make light of a situation like always.

"It happens," was the only answer I could give. And I don't think there was a moment I hated that more. I was so relieved that my friends were alive that it was making the weight of the lies I told crush the wind out of me. Everyone had trusted me with their life in that moment, but I hadn't really earned that. They didn't know who I really was. I didn't even know who I really was. "Skye?" She looked at me, smiling. "I'm not-"

"Everyone okay?!" came Coulson's frantic voice from the top of the bank, clearly worried about us. I was about to shout up and answer, but the two had already slid down the slope to meet us. Ward's eyes locked immediately on Skye's arm while Coulson's looked over all our faces before ending on mine.

His gaze was so intense it made me uncomfortable, so I felt the need to just throw something out there in my usual manner. I slowly rose to me feet, wincing at pain that was now shooting into my ankle. I looked the scene over, gaze stopping on the smoking van. "I…I think we might need to find a new ride home, sir."

Nobody laughed out loud, but I liked to think they did on the inside.

XXX

We ended up having to call the authorities to give us a ride back, Ward going with Skye to the hospital where she would get her arm put in a cast. The moment we walked up the ramp it was immediately clear May was not happy about the situation. She stared down at us from the metal balcony above the lab, eyes narrowing as they landed on Coulson. It looked a fight was brewing over Amador and my aching ankle was kind of leaning me towards her point of view. She quickly stepped away and he followed, myself and Fitz-Simmons going to the lab instead of even trying to get involved. We sat mostly in silence as they looked over the equipment they had grabbed out of the van for what we could still use or had to toss to their dismay.

Skye and Ward arrived close to an hour later, but the way she came bounding up the ramp you wouldn't think she had just had the cast now encasing the entire lower half of her left arm put on. She dropped her bag on one of the tables and pulled out her laptop. Ward just moved right past us to join May in her fight against Coulson. He hadn't said much, but it was easy to tell he was pretty angry we had ended up in that scenario- especially Skye.

"I'm close to recovering the data signature from the encrypted broadcast," she told the group of us, typing hindered greatly as she struggled under the weight of her cast. "Wireless in the hospital was terrible though so I didn't get very far. Give me a half-hour and I think we can start watching back."

"Someone's fired up," I couldn't help but comment as she went right back to work. Even Fitz-Simmons seemed completely exhausted by her at this point.

"Coulson needs us to figure out who this is," she replied. "Plus we need to save him from the Ward-May double team that has to be happening right now."

She was done in fifteen, pulling up the feed that had been watching us in the van. I quickly ran- well limped to grab the others while Fitz-Simmons helped Skye put it up on the big screen. When I walked into the office I got the definite impression I was interrupting an argument, but plowed ahead anyway before leading them back. They didn't say a single word… which was super unnerving let me tell you. You could feel the tension in the hallway.

When we all entered the lab, the group had the feed up on the main screen. It strangely enough depicted Amador wiping away the perspiration from in front of her mirror, the image once again in color. Coulson made his way next to Skye, taking it in.

"Are we recording this?" he asked. Skye immediately fiddled with some buttons on a remote in her hand.

"Uh… we are now."

The image was now much clearer, allowing me my first real good look of Amador. She didn't seem as scary as I had built her up to be in my head. She almost looked… normal. "Whoa…" Fitz breathed from next to me.

"How are we seeing this? Where's the camera?" Coulson questioned. And I realized quickly how good and valid the question was. It almost made no sense. But then my head went a bit scattered as she proceeded to grab a metal instrument and went about poking her eye. It made a chill run up my spine and I had to turn away with my hand up, noticing Fitz was doing the exact same. I almost felt like I wanted to gag just from the thought of what she might be doing.

"It's her eye," May spoke up. I caught up in that moment, burying my nausea to look at the screen once again in fascination. "She's the camera." This was then confirmed as she closed it, the world becoming like it had when she had been looking at the van. It gave us a very personal look at the machinery in play around her right eye and suddenly I was glad Fitz hadn't shared any of those cookies.

"It switches to backscatter when she closes her eyes," Fitz observed. Coulson was just staring at the image in fascination.

"You're a robot," Skye muttered. It only took me a beat to realize she was addressing Ward and then the smile was almost too hard to wipe off my face. "Can you do that?"

He ignored her though, looking at our two tech experts. "Who has tech like this?"

"We don't," Fitz quickly answered, unnerving me a bit. "Not like this. Not that small and internal. That's at least a decade ahead of anything I've seen." I didn't like this. I didn't like this at all. I even turned around, not wanting to stare at it any longer- especially as she moved the tool towards it. Fitz turned his attention to Simmons. "Though, now that I've seen it, I could maybe approximate it… the backscatter x-ray, a micro-transceiver that somehow doesn't fry her brain, an internal power source…"

"All miniaturized," Simmons added with amazement. "Honestly it's-"

"Genius," they both finished at the same time. There was a clicking sound.

"We have to bring her in," I heard Coulson decide. I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Fitz smiling at me.

"She opened her eyes. It's okay now." I nodded, turning back around to see we were indeed just watching Amador stare at herself in the mirror.

"We have to take her out," May disagreed and that tension was instantly back. "She's a weapon." Oh boy. Not in front of the kids please. The parents shouldn't fight in front of the kids. We all looked anywhere but at the two of them as May made her approach. "I'll call H.Q. and see if we can bring a task force in to help us."

"Our team can handle this," Coulson disagreed, both of them never raising their voice an octave. "Find her and get Crawford to-"

'I get it," May interrupted and I was so thankful. I didn't need the pressure of the end of that sentence. "You feel responsible… maybe you pushed her too hard. But she tried to kill four members of our team."

"If she wanted us dead we'd be dead." He did have a point there. It was minute, but it was present. My eyes went back to the screen where Amador was digging through her drawer at what must have been the hotel she was staying at.

"We got lucky. You want to risk our lives again?"

"You told me you were ready for combat, that you had my back." She seemed to have found what she was looking for in terms of a piece of paper.

"Don't ever doubt it," May made clear. It was interesting to see her techniques in practice. There was a calm there I could certainly see now. She was in control of herself- measured and calculating. "But you are defending the girl at the expense of the team." Now she had a pen and was beginning to write something.

"Because we protect our own."

"With all due respect, sir, she's not one of our own," Ward joined in- the first of us to dare. But then I realized what she was writing. It may just change the entire situation.

"Guys!" They all turned their attention back to see the note read 'Can I sleep?' "She's asking for permission." And then typed words appeared at the bottom of our screen- in her vision. 'Stand by…'

"She's not being watched," Coulson realized.

"She's being controlled," I agreed. The entire mood of the room shifted as everyone put together what that meant- what that must be like. And here I thought I had little control over things and was whining about my situation. This woman was literally being controlled by her eyeball.

"We have to find her," Coulson decided, turning to us to give orders. May didn't look at him. "We'll take shifts watching the feed. Sooner or later, she'll look at something that will clue us into her location."

We were all surprised when May spoke up after a beat. "I'll take first watch." We all nodded in agreement, agreeing on other shifts before heading out of the lab to get some rest. Since May was taking up a shift I figured that meant no training for the night, though I vowed mentally to at least work on some of my deep breathing techniques.

I looked back at May as I was almost out the door and was surprised to see that even though I would have thought she lost the fight she seemed completely fine. Almost as if she had gotten exactly what she wanted but was so good we couldn't tell. But maybe I was reading too much into it.

XXX

 _Well, here is the awaited front half. I will keep to my word about both this week and the second half will be up soon after- by the end of tomorrow at the latest. I swear on the monkey Fitz will one day get._

 _I just wanted to take a minute and thank all of you for your support. We've hit over fifty follows and it's the fastest this has ever happened to me. So thank you for embracing this story: 1hannahgirl, 06bromleys, AllyCatt12, Analyne, AnimePrincessRach, Anna the Viking XD, BlackVeilBridesLoverX3, Bruno Santos 30, Carly Carnations, Constellations15, Cow-Lover2214, DarknessHitsMe, Ever Autumn13, Flyotter, GiraffePanda2, Just Lindsey, LeopardFeather, Lift the Wings, LittleMagpie, Lizard Queen of Mako, MeemZ101, MiaR, Midnight Reader16, MilliePrue-BellatrixLestrange, MulishaMaiden, NN010, Raven Darkov, Richelle Manuel, Rkatp, SerenityPax, Seth Motley, SimplyKelly, TS3KayMaire, The Calm Spy, The DeadlyJeux, TheGabification, Triggerfinger213, YellowLaxr, alliesmithok, ballet022, blamethegnomes, clairecat1994, funkyauthor, gnarley, horsegirl177, lula. , lynneniko666, m0nalisaat0ldalie88, penguinashleylover, romanogersfeels, sarahrachel21, the perks of being yourself, and of course wades wife. Thank you all for your love._

 _I would also like to thank those who favorited. To already put this story a few episode in into that pantheon is quite astounding to me and fills me with a great deal of joy. So shout-out to:BadWolf432, Bruna Santos 30, CJE, Constellations15, EmAndAlsxox, GiraffePanda2, Hkff13, HoneyBunnyLemon, La'Rae and Ninjas Incorporated, LivForMusic. Lyisle Lualdi, MRJo305, Maggie729, MiaR, MilliePrue-BellatrixLestrange, MulishaMaiden, NN010, PoisonPen19, Richelle Manuel, Seth Motley, ShelBell25, Skylar97, SoNotYourAverageGirl, The Calm Spy, The DeadlyJeux, Triggerfinger213, YellowLaxr, funkyauthor, hcguntert, kitugh, lynneniko666, mynameisme090401123, penguinashleylover, romanogersfeels, , and of course again wades wife. Let's hope I continue to be worthy of staying there._

 _And finally to those who reviewed. I love having conversations with my readers and thank you for joining in. So a round of applause and gratitude for: the original in the form of GiraffePanda2, Midnight Reader 16, HoneyBunnyLemon, MulishaMaiden, DarknessHitsMe, LeopardFeather, Seth Motley, littlemonkeyhands, AllyCatt12, MiaR, and all our Guests. Thank you._


	10. It's Personal

_It's Personal_

I had climbed into bed soon after being dismissed, planning on getting some sleep before it was my shift. Something told me I would need the rest. I was going to be back to pretending I could do my job soon enough. Coulson seemed determined to take Amador in rather than out, a sentiment I couldn't quite understand. But that may be the ankle talking, or the fact that I came really close to losing close to all of my friends today. It was startling how much each of them had grown on me in such a short time, but I guess when all you used to have were white walls actual people were easy to attach to. It was making me fiercely protective at least and not just of the guys who I needed to watch out for. I don't know how but I would break Amador's arm just for breaking Skye's. Then I'd probably die as she snapped me in half.

I knew they weren't her actions. She was being hijacked by someone way out of our league if what Fitz said was true. I knew I should have more sympathy for her, but I just couldn't muster it. I didn't understand why Coulson was so set on redeeming her.

Maybe it was because I would die before I let them do anything that would force me to harm my friends or Coulson. They wouldn't be putting anything in my eye for sure.

But then I remembered just how much guilt Coulson seemed to have. I was drowning over a few weeks of it. I couldn't imagine seven years of thinking you were now the reason someone lost everything and was now devoid of choice. The pit he must have in his stomach right now…

I knew I wasn't getting any sleep like this. My brain just wasn't calming down. And as I sat up to put my head in my hands I realized I just really needed to talk to someone. Things were bottling up and to find my calm I had to let some of them out.

I knocked on the bunk next to mine, sticking my head in to see Fitz snoring softly. "Lee," I whispered loudly. "Lee. Are you awake?" Now I knew the answer, but you always ask it. And you always press on despite it. "Lee."

"Hmm…" he groaned, turning on his side. I took this as an invitation and perched myself on the edge of his bed with my arms crossed.

"Are you up?" Again the answer was obvious, but I had to stick to formality.

"Well I am now…" I heard him mutter.

"Good. I need to talk to you." He nodded, eyes still closed. I smacked the leg closest to me. "Hey. I need you awake for this."

"Whatever you say, Ash." And then his brain caught up with his mouth and he was a flurry of motion. He shot up, hands pulling the covers up over his chest despite the fact he was clearly wearing a grey shirt. He blinked at me rapidly as I just watched in amusement. "Ash? Why are you… W-what are you doing here?" He glanced at his clock next to his bed. "It's two in the morning."

"I couldn't sleep."

"So you thought that if you couldn't no one else could either?" he questioned, hands still holding the cover up protectively. I don't even think he realized he was doing it.

"No. I just… there's something I've been keeping secret," I began. "And I thought I could handle it by myself, but it's really getting to me. My brain won't shut up about it really. So I need to just… tell someone. Though I'm really scared you'll judge me and hate me and we won't be friends anymore. But I just need to go for it otherwise I might go insane." I stared at him for a moment, but he didn't even react. "Umm… may I proceed?"

He yawned loudly. "I suppose you might as well since I'm up."

Here it was-moment of truth. I played with my hands in my lap and braced myself. "I slept with Ward when we got back from Quinn's."

I didn't see his reaction, but I can imagine it. It consisted of nodding, then eyes widening comically, and finally a bit of flailing about. "What?" I looked up to see his hand was on his head as if trying to process. He was completely still which was bad new. Fitz was comfortable when in motion. It was hard not to observe over time. Stillnnes didn't bode well. I gave him a minute but he merely ended up repeating himself. "What?"

"It just happened," I sputtered in a desperate bid to explain myself, turning completely towards him cross-legged on his bed. "I hate that it did. I regretted it instantly. You can believe me when I say it won't-"

"Stop. Stop." He ran his hands over his face, ending with them tucked under his chin as he stared at me. I-I'm… I didn't need to know this. Why did you tell me this?"

"I need to tell someone- confess to someone really actually. Get it out there off my chest because I felt like it was choking me. I needed a Girl Talk," I concluded, reflecting on what I knew and could recall about social interaction.

This didn't win him over. "I'm confused. Why did you come to me then?"

"I couldn't go to Skye or Jemma. They'd freak out big time. I needed a Girl Talk with someone who wouldn't act like a girl." Now there was just awkward staring and I realized I had just botched this entire thing. Fitz was never going to have a conversation with me again. "I was just looking for someone who wouldn't judge me- someone I could trust. You know what, I should go."

I was almost out the door when I he spoke up. "Sit back down, Ash." I quietly obliged. "So… you slept with Ward," he tried to say as if it was normal, but his tone betrayed him. "And it was no big- I don't think I can do this the way you want me to. I-I'm sorry. I don't know how-how to be what you need." He took a deep breath before speaking again. "It was just one thing- infinitely small on the scale of the universe. It will fade with time to the point no one will even remember who you are let alone the fact that you and Ward… did stuff. It'll be okay." He reached across to where my hand was resting and awkwardly patted it. "We all make mistakes. You're still you and I have to admit I do think of you a bit differently given everything… but that's not necessarily bad."

And just like that I was tearing up like an idiot. "Oh-oh my God," he panicked. "I'm so sorry. Oh, I completely botched it. I didn't mean- Ashleigh I-"

"No," I insisted. "You did great. Thank you. It feels good that someone outside the two of us knows- like a weight off my chest." And it did. It felt great and freeing. If only I could get the rest of it out, but I knew there was too much at stake for that as I scratched the sleeve covering my tattoo. It almost had a slight burn to it.

"I still don't think I really needed to know, but if it made you feel better I guess it's alright." And then we just sat there for a moment, things getting a little awkward in the cramped space as neither of us really knew what to do now.

"I should go back to bed," I said finally and hastily rising. "Thank you again for listening. Sorry if I scarred you for life and gave you mental images you could live without. I will- I guess I'll see you when I bring you breakfast tomorrow."

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. I actually think I might go down to the lab for a bit… since I'm up. You're sure there's nothing else you want to tell me since I'm up though?"

Oh how I wish I could. I couldn't speak but did manage to give just a slight shake of the head. "Sounds like a plan. Night Lee," I gave him my warmest smile, endlessly appreciative for what he had just endured for my sake.

He smiled right back at me, completely sincere. "Night Ash." Every bit the fondness as he had before. We might be in a weird place, but things hadn't changed too drastically. We were still friends. He didn't think I was some sort of… a lot of words I'd rather not attach to myself. I was still his Ash. And now someone could get me through the rougher moments- I wasn't completely on my own anymore. That was all good. That was what I needed. This had been a good idea overall I think. I managed to fall asleep pretty quickly when I crawled back in bed at least.

XXX

"Ash. Ash." I woke to Fitz sticking his head in my bunk. Oh no, I had probably overslept and missed my shift. "Ash, get dressed. We need to move now." I sat up and rubbed the sleep from eyes. It was much too early to be up- let alone functioning- for me. "May went after Amador alone."

Never mind. I was up. I threw off the covers and jumped out of bed, grabbing the first thing I could find in my drawers. "I'll be ready in a minute," I promised. I knew there had been something to how she was acting. I needed to start trusting my instincts more.

I threw my clothes on in the bathroom, sweater like usual, and ran to meet everyone at the car. Skye was a few minutes behind me with her laptop bag and then we all were off- Coulson driving quite like a madman. Ward was in the passenger's seat beside him while the four of us were somehow contained in one row behind all of them. It was quite cramped and I regretted not taking a shower before we left, but then I figured no one had probably been able to. "What exactly happened?" Skye asked.

"May saw Amador look at something that had the name of the hotel. Amador also got a message about going to the 'Todorov building' which we figure must be her next mission. May then kept quiet about it and took off after I fell asleep working on Ward's suggestions in the lab," Fitz relayed. He noticed Simmons give him a look. "I couldn't sleep," he shrugged off. "I-I thought I might as well get some work done."

"So what'll happen when she finds her?" Skye continued. "I doubt the folks in her head are going to let us walk off with her as friends."

"They won't," Coulson agreed. "Which means we need to get ahold of her and remove the device promptly."

Simmons drew in a breath at this. "Sir, we don't know about the device or how it fits into her biology. If we try to do this in the field without the right knowledge and equipment we may very well kill her," she tried to get across to him.

"It would need to be back in the lab," Fitz agreed with her, all of us being thrown about as Coulson took a sharp turn. I kind of wish Ward was driving right now- at least he managed to make speeding seem smooth. "It-it needs to be a controlled environment with minimal variables and the right supplies. It-"

"It would take the two of us in perfect sync to do."

"Something tells me that part won't be a problem," I quipped, trying to relax the both of them. They were both just waiting for our boss to give his orders though.

"Then we'll bring her back," Coulson said as if it was that easy. Oh, I wish. If we got there before May we were going to be under attack. If we got there after May… she was probably going to be dead. And I was grappling with the fact that I didn't feel too bad about that possibility. I should, right? After Hall the loss of another life should be absolutely against my code. Coulson's determination should be enough, but for some reason this time it wasn't.

Maybe because I was being elbowed in the ribs right now by Skye's cast.

"Sir, then we ran into the same exact problem as before," Ward reasoned, bringing his logic into the conversation. "Whoever in controlling her must have a way of hurting her if she disobeys- probably even kill her." I hadn't thought about that, but it had to be true. "If her captors see the situation isn't going their way… she'll be worth more dead to them than alive." Coulson frowned deeply, clearing desperately trying to think of something. I think we were nearly there and this wasn't one we wanted to make up as we went along. I got the feeling my talking wouldn't appeal to the person behind the camera much.

"Then what if we make them think she's still on her mission," Fitz thought up and broke the silence. He instantly had the attention of the room in that moment. "W-we patch the feed from her eye to something else, make them think she's still on the mission while someone else does it. We would place something over the eye t-that would give the same impression of-"

"Glasses," I couldn't help but cut in as I caught on. "We rig a pair of glasses."

"Bingo."

"Oh, Fitz that is simply marvelous," Jemma complimented, clearly very proud of her fellow scientist. "With Skye's laptop we might just be able to do it from the car!" Skye instantly yanked her laptop out of the bag and pulled the feed up on it. Right now it just depicted a corner of the room.

"Can you do it?" Coulson questioned form the driver's seat, hope clear in his voice.

"If I have glasses with a camera and a bit of time I think I should be able to," Skye confirmed. Well, that might be a bit of a hitch. Where the hell-

Suddenly, a hand was sticking out into the back seat with a pair of glasses in their hand. We all looked up in unison to see they had come from Ward. "Do you have a rabbit in your coat too?" I asked in disbelief as Skye grabbed them, finding a cable in her bag that fit so she could attach them to her laptop.

"They're standard issue," he shrugged. "Some missions need to be monitored and that's the best way to look at the footage afterwards."

"I do have a pair myself," Coulson backed him up. "I threw them out years ago though."

I might be in trouble. Was this a standard thing? "I never got a pair," I countered, trying to keep the mood light. "I guess they must have trusted me to do my job." Coulson smiled and I relaxed a bit. It had worked.

"So the plan will work?" Fitz couldn't help but say in slight disbelief. "I-I actually figured it out?"

I spoke up as Jemma nodded in delight. "Ward wears the glasses into the building, perfectly ready to handle if anything goes south." I wasn't trying to boost his ego- it had been proven true time and time again. Didn't make his smile any less infuriating though, but I buried it. "And meanwhile you two removes the real device from her eye back at the Bus with Amador," I couldn't help but marvel at how brilliant it was. "Plus we have an agent in that building so we could get intel as to what's going on." I clapped, smiling broadly at him. "Oh, I told you that you were brilliant!" The one he gave me back was nearly from ear to ear.

"One problem guys," Skye cut into our celebration. "She's seen May. They're fighting right now."

Coulson nodded to Ward and the two scrambled out of the car. "Dendrotoxin only," he commanded, grabbing the prototype of Fitz's pistol he had thought to grab. Everyone was seriously on their A-Game today.

"Night-night gun," Fitz muttered bitterly under his breath. I patted his shoulder for comfort.

Coulson quickly addressed his back row of Agents. "The rest of you stay here and come up when everything's over."

"I would hurry," Skye commented. "May might be good, but I don't know how good she is now that Amador turned off the lights." And they were off at a sprint, leaving the four of us huddled around the screen. Skye continued to type away, making a noise of frustration as her right hand fumbled under the cast's weight. "This would be so much easier with both arms. It's going to be while before we can go wireless."

I knew it might not be the moment, but I felt the need to address the obvious. "I'm sorry," I told her sincerely. "If I had move the van-"

"She would have hit us in the back of it and potentially killed Fitz and Simmons," Skye finished in a way different that I intended. Both of the scientists nodded in agreement but let her take the lead. "It's fine. I'm fine, which honestly surprises me because I should be traumatized in a ball on the ground where the van landed. But you were right. We didn't need Ward because we had each other's backs. We always will. You had mine and led us all through that in a way I never could. This may be a pain in my ass but it'll heal." She locked eyes with me for a brief moment. "I'd say you can put a check in the win column and move on, because you were awesome."

"I will," I promised, doing my best to move on in the moment. Anything for Skye to keep her faith in this whole operation. Anything to keep that finally slightly earned faith in me.

"I talked to Coulson though and as soon as we get time we're taking my van out so you can learn how to drive," she added, returning to her work. Now it was turn to smirk.

"Sounds like a plan," I agreed.

"Remind me to stay of the roads that day," Fitz made light of the moment, making me smack him on the arm.

She was suddenly opening the car door. "The feed's just black now. They must have managed to knock her out." We all followed her as she held her laptop, taking off in the direction they had gone. It was easy to find- it was the one with the door kicked in. Amador was on the floor unconscious and May thankfully didn't look too worse for wear.

"Alright, let's get moving," Coulson commanded. "There's no audio so we should be alright in that regard. We need to make it look like she got up and then went out to take care of things." Ward and Skye went to work and he put the glasses on, laying on the floor right next to Amador and closing his eyes. "The second Skye's ready we bolt and get her back. We won't have a lot of time. You two will take her vehicle and complete the mission as instructed."

"Got it," Skye confirmed. "I'll have to stay connected for now, but I should be able to detach you when we get there." She typed a few things and we all waited, adrenaline coursing through me at least. May wasn't saying anything, but seemed to be taking in what we had thought of curiously. I just hoped she wouldn't ruin everything. I suspected she wouldn't- not in front of Coulson. "We're ready," she told us finally.

Coulson nodded and I found myself helping him carry Amador back to the car before we took off to make sure Ward's glasses wouldn't even see us on the road. Not a whole lot was exchanged except for a look between May and Coulson when they both climbed in to the separate vehicles they had driven here.

"We'll talk later," Coulson said in his most authoritative tone. And that was it. Just silence being replaced in the back seat with the motionlessly body off a woman with a camera in her eye. Nothing out of the ordinary really.

XXX

Coulson wanted me in the room when Amador woke up, so I waited patiently at his side figuring out what exactly I was going to say. He had a bed brought down to our Interrogation Suite as I referred to it and camped out in a chair. I figured I would let him take the lead since she would obviously be more comfortable, but I would have to lend aid where I could. She looked a lot less threatening asleep, clad all in dark but grungy clothing, but it didn't stop every muscle from tensing when she finally opened her eyes. I was almost ready to throw myself at her in a heartbeat.

"Hello Akela," he greeted warmly and very much like a mentor trying to talk someone off a ledge. "You're safe now." She was shooting up out of bed, but I could instantly see it was more out of disorientation than intention to attack. I was still on guard though. "Give it a minute. I hit you with a powerful dendrotoxin."

She took a few deep breath before speaking, not even looking at us. "There's a kill switch in my eye," she informed us, slightly in disbelief. "Why hasn't my handler blown it yet?"

And then I felt it- that pull to reach out to her just a bit. I was still wary but just needed to tell her she wasn't about to die any moment. "Your handler doesn't know you're here," I told her gently. "They think you're heading to complete your mission after taking out May right now."

"How?" she demanded, thought with no ferocity as I would have expected. It was complete desperation.

"We hijacked your feed," Coulson explained. "One of my Agents is now wearing a set of glasses mimicking your implant. Right now, it's transmitting his point of view as if it were yours. It even has backscatter imaging," he couldn't help but have pride at that. Skye had outdone herself.

"I get messages from my handler."

"We're getting those too," I let her know. "We're going to whatever we want there- complete your mission- while here we disable that fail-safe in your eye." She froze at that- almost like she didn't know what to do with that information. Fitz-Simmons had said it was the best they could do upon examination. The device was too tricky to remove, but they could give Amador her free will back. They were prepping now with the intent of moving as soon as we could.

"I promise they can't see you. You're okay, Akela," Coulson vowed. "Look at me." And she did, slowly turning to look at the both of us. And I felt myself take a deep breath and let that tension go like May had taught me. This woman wasn't going to harm us at all. She looked almost… afraid of us. "This is Agent Crawford, another one of my Agents." I gave a little wave but she mostly ignored me, eyes on Coulson. "How long have they been monitoring you?"

"Years." And just like that, my heart broke for her. She sounded so tired. How had she done this? How had she managed to live like that? "Why are you doing this, Coulson?" she questioned.

Coulson went with the Agent answer, which surprised me. But he did know her better. "I need to know why a prox card is worth thirty million-"

"No," she cut off the intel we had gathered about the goings on at the hotel. "Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?" She seemed so disappointed in herself, so angry that we wanted to help her almost. She had given up on herself a long time ago. "Where's the 'I told you so'?"

I watched Coulson sigh and soften, knowing he needed to answer this for the both of them. "That's not me anymore." It's hard to picture that it ever was. "I'm just glad you're alive."

She turned away from us at that, staring at the wall. "Vanchat would have never caught us if I'd just done my job." Her voice was breaking now and I realized she was just as full of regret as he was. The two of them made quite the pair after all. "I should have listened to you… trusted my team like you insisted. If I had… they might still be alive."

Coulson gave her a long minute to collect herself before rising to hand her a bottle of water. She turned to face him now, seeming more ready to open up now that she had gotten her biggest regret off her chest. I just stood next to him, completely ready to listen to her story with an open mind now. "How did you manage to escape?" he asked finally.

"I didn't. Got caught in the crossfire, went down. Woke up in some half-assed triage bay, blind in this eye," she gestured to her right one. "Spent the next four years alone in a cage at the bottom of a copper mine."

I spoke up as she paused to take a sip. "He did look for you."

Coulson nodded. "Heard rumors you'd been taken to the ShanXi province."

"When a team finally came, I thought it was S.H.I.E.L.D. at first, but…"

I couldn't take it anymore and sat on the bed next to her, resting a comforting hand on her knee. She looked like she didn't quite know what to do with the gesture. "Who were they?" I asked, ready to take them out for what she had been through.

"Don't know even to this day, but they were organized." Information was coming a lot easier now. This was the stuff she had been trained to handle. She could relay facts like an Agent. "They took me to a clinic. I had multiple surgeries. Until one day, I could see out of both eyes again. I was so grateful… until I realized what they'd done."

"You were being watched," I said for her with sympathy when she hesitated. "They were watching your every move now."

She nodded, attention now on talking to me. "I had no idea until they sent the first message. Then the assignments started. Mostly, it was 'steal this', 'follow him', 'break into there'. I just tried to ignore them, but when I did I'd get this pain like and electric migraine."

I winced at the thought. "Their way of keeping you on a leash."

"Now when I think about my years in the cage… I miss it." She took another sip. "I wish I could go back, be alone, sleep in peace."

"I know." I made known that I empathized with how she felt. "We need your help to end this though."

"I don't have any information about the prox card," she admitted. "Intel comes in pieces so I never can have the full picture." I understood that immensely. I only had bits and pieces too. But I couldn't admit that and instead let the two of them go back and forth trying to figure out who her handler was. This was where Coulson excelled, getting someone to think like an Agent. It always worked for me.

" _Sir, we're ready down here_ ," Simmon's voice came in through the intercom system. We quickly dismissed ourselves, myself giving her one last pat on the leg, and headed up to where Fitz and Simmons were ready in their goggles and lab coats.

"Ward's on-site so we don't have much time," Coulson let the two know. They both looked completely out of their league and it didn't quite inspire confidence.

"To remove her eyeball," Fitz reminded us, schematics of the device up behind us.

"Yeah, ocular surgery is not really my field of expertise," Simmons admitted.

"We've got no other choice," I shrugged. "If Ward's caught they're going to kill her whether it be by exploding or poisoning or doing something very bad to her. We can't let that happen to her after everything she's been through. She deserves better and we'll give it to her." The two nodded at that, seeming to gear themselves up.

"I'm going to find out whose finger's on the trigger," Coulson informed us before heading for the glass doors. "Be ready to move as soon as I do, Crawford."

"Yes, sir," I agreed, though confused as to why I was going with him rather than staying here with Amador to keep her calm. Or keep Fitz-Simmons calm given the jitters they seem to be having. I looked at the two of them. "It's going to be fine. You got this. Do this… and I will share my Pop Tarts with you unconditionally."

Simmons just blinked at me. "Are you seriously trying to bribe us with snacks in the situation of removing someone's eye?"

"Is it working?"

"No," Simmons insisted at the exact moment Fitz said, "Yes."

"Good. I should get in the car." I gave them a thumbs-up before heading towards the glass doors to the cargo bay. "Thank God I don't have to watch the surgery," I muttered happily to myself. I seriously might have passed out on that one. Which reminded me. "Try not to faint at the disgusting eyeball, Lee."

"Very funny, Ash," he retorted sarcastically, though clearly it was going to be a concern already on his mind. I hopped into Lola and Coulson was along a few moments later, seeming to approve of my choice in car. With a last wave at Fitz-Simmons and Amador as they led her in, the two of us were off.

"He's local. May's going to keep us updated as we close in," he informed me as we took some narrow dirt roads towards town.

"Are you and May speaking to one another?" I questioned.

"We cleared the air," he said simply. "It didn't take much. We've known each other a long time and I understand what she felt she was doing just as she understands me." I wish everything was that simple when it came to Coulson and May.

"I don't understand you," I admitted, earning a glance. Clearly I just needed to get things off my chest today, especially if we're going into the scenario I think we are. "We're going up against her handler who's probably ready to fight you to his last breath. And you're taking me with knowing full aware I'll be no help and you'll just waste time trying to protect me like in Peru."

"I don't see it like that," he disagreed.

"Then what do you see it as? Because like with me coming along in the van you keep insisting I be there despite clear indications I'm out of where I'm useful."

"Did they want to call as soon as we left?" he asked bluntly, taking my shocked lack of response as a reply. "I figured as much. But you stopped them and you kept them together. Just like you did back in the lab with Fitz-Simmons. Agent Crawford, I chose you for this team first because your credentials made you seem too good to pass up. And don't get me wrong because you are good at what you have been trained to do. But now I see what your real power is and I have every intention of using it."

"What's that?" I asked, undeniably curious. He smiled.

"You make people better just by being around them. You push, you unify, you comfort, and you inspire protection and dedication. I know when I go after this handler that you will be right by my side and you will try to help me in every and any way you can even if it is outside your comfort range- like your training with May. But you will push yourself for me. And I turn I will be analyzing the situation and seeing angles I hadn't before so you know I have your back too."

I didn't know what to say. How do you respond to that? I was just… blown away. I never thought I could inspire something like that in anyone. But then I tried to reign it in, remember that it was all fake. I suddenly hated this conversation. "Sir-"

"And it's not training. It's not something they can teach you in any Academy. It all just comes from you, who you are, and I value it immensely. You are doing a great job and deserve to be here because I think a lot of situations could benefit somehow from an Ashleigh Crawford." I wanted to hug him. I seriously think I just wanted to tackle this wonderful man in a hug. If he was who I was fighting to save then I would sacrifice myself a thousand times over for him. That was the kind of loyalty he inspired in his people with a few short words.

I felt like I was being myself, so maybe this all did just come down to me and who I was. Maybe I was actually enough for this. I wasn't that good at pretending… I think. God, this was all getting so disorientating. I was losing where the lies ended and began. I couldn't help but think how much easier it would be if I could find out what kind of person I was. Maybe then I could see that Coulson was right and accept his compliment without absolutely loathing myself.

We pulled to a stop outside the town and took off through the streets, Coulson having the comm in his ear. I stayed behind him naturally, but was looking every which way for what had been described as a large Englishman. We ran into a square with people walking every which way, but then I spotted one who seemed to be in an awful hurry.

"I think I've got him," I informed Coulson, taking off at a run to cut the man off. I managed to get myself right in his path so that he would 'knock me to the ground' in his rush, sprawling out in the pavement.

"Oh dear," he muttered, stopping to reach and help me up. Which I hadn't really been expecting from a handler who has the power to control a kill switch in someone's eyeball. I was hoping I could throw him off enough for Coulson to step in, but clearly this guy had other plans and wanted to be a gentleman. Something was up and I could see Coulson sensed it too. "I'm very-"And then his eyes went wide as he stared at me. "You're S.H.I.E.L.D.," he gasped as my hand dropped from his. "Oh God."

We both saw it and it was instantaneous. It was a small pop and then a cloud almost appeared in front of his left eye. And then he fell forward on top of where I was still on the ground. The instant I figured out what had happened Coulson had already pulled me away and up. He was being controlled too. Her handler had just been acting under someone else's orders himself.

"Crawford," Coulson got my attention. I got the feeling this wasn't the first time he was saying this. "Are you okay? We need to get out of here."

I numbly nodded and steered myself after a deep breath to clear my head. I needed to keep it together. There was nothing that could have been done differently. The second his eye was able to I.D. me it was over. My hands were shaking but I squeezed them tight and just focused on breathing.

Coulson looked my way once I had climbed back into Lola, clearly worried about how eerily quiet I was being. And probably the fact a body had just fallen on me. "You did everything-"

"I know," I nodded, somehow reaching a place of acceptance. I couldn't tear myself up over this. There was no way we could have known and if we did then it would have been different. But the situation was impossible. "I know," I repeated, more confident. "I'm okay."

He accepted this and we were off. I sat in silence for a moment before speaking again. "How far does this go Coulson?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "But I have every intention of finding out."

So did I. And after seeing the horror in that man's face and hearing Amador's story they were lucky if I decided to leave any of them standing.

XXX

Everything seemed to have gone smoothly. Fitz-Simmons removed the eye, Ward and Skye got some very interesting data that needed to be analyzed, and I managed a quick good-bye to Amador before she was transported off the Bus. I vowed to speak and help her in any way that she needed. I was tempted to go for the hug, but felt it wouldn't be appreciated. So I restrained myself appropriately.

I was currently in my bunk studying my tablet after a training session that actually included a punching lesson when I heard a knock. I looked up and smiled at the sight of Fitz. "Hey. What can I do for you?" I greeted.

"N-now I'm still learning the fine details but from what I understood having a Girl Talk that involves a male subject requires a certain follow-up."

I snorted. "And what would that be?"

"You and I are going to watch a movie while eating a pint of ice cream. We can talk if you want, but I'm honestly not quite sure I want any sort of details."

"A movie sounds great," I smiled, rising. We both started towards the couches and television. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I polled our options given the DVD's we have aboard and the situation. There was even a table involved." He gestured for me to have a seat on the couch where two pints of chocolate ice cream sat on coasters. "We are going to watch Walk the Line. It's got real life romance, some drama, and just a hint of melodrama with musical accompaniment. Checks every category." I had no idea what that was, but it sounded alright to me if he went through so much trouble.

"Sounds great," I nodded, grabbing my spoon and pint. I noticed something behind the coaster as Fitz started the movie and sat next to me. "What's that?" I gestured to the crumbs in a plastic bag.

"I did promise to save you the last cookie and I am a man of my word." I just smiled at him and he returned with a large one of his own. Not a thing different between us.

"You're the best, Lee."

He settled in, leaning back and taking a first bite of the ice cream. "Only because you are the second-best Ash. I'm sorry but I can't throw Simmons to the wolves like that." And it was strange, but most of me actually believed he could mean it about me. It was a possibility. "Just like I said, please don't mention Ward in any capacity."

"Okay, but only because you didn't faint during the surgery."

"I'll be expecting that Pop Tart tomorrow as promised, no complaints."

And it may sound totally off the wall, but sitting there with my ice cream and my movie- well, I think I knew that this place was where I belonged finally. I deserved to be here. I had a place here. I had a purpose here.

Maybe Past Me hadn't been so crazy when she put us through this after all.

I just couldn't help the errant thought that giving my best to everyone and being the person they thought I was might mean breaking orders and telling them the truth.

XXX

 _Here we are. Sorry it's a little late, but it's here. Thank you to MilliePrue-BellatrixLestrange, MulishaMaiden, Bruno Santos 30, romanogersfeels, Guest, and GiraffePanda2 for their reviews. They mean a lot. Now everyone do your selves a favor and go see Ant-Man because it's just so much fun. Okay? Okay! See you soon!_


	11. The Cold Hard Truth

_Cold Hard Truth_

"No," May said with much more force than I actually thought necessary, especially when paired with a kick to the chest that sent me slamming face first into the mat below us. At this point, I kind of didn't want to get back up at all. I was sweating up a storm through my tank top and the mat just felt so cold against my cheek right now. But May wasn't one for taking five let alone' let's just curl up on the mat and take a nap'. It made me almost wish we could go back to breathing deeply for an hour a day despite my insistence I was ready for the next step. So here we were slowly making the transition to combat practice- otherwise known as me getting my ass handed to me on a minute-by-minute basis.

I hurt all the time these days. Skye and I would have sat around during lunch comparing wounds and bruises if Ward wasn't going so easy on her. These days it mainly consisted of me shifting and groaning while she chuckled sympathetically and made me up something delicious to briefly take the pain away. Skye's cooking might literally be saving my life at this point, but I couldn't help but envy what she was up to these days. I mean, I know she had a broken arm, but what kind of training was board game Agent Ward? Disgraceful!

"Ahem." Oh yeah, I was still on the mat. I gave May a cold glance that showed a bit of my current contempt for my teacher, which she of course ignored, and forced myself back up to my feet. As I pushed up my eyes locked on the tattoo fully exposed on my wrist and remembered what we had been discussing. Or what I had been trying to discuss. May was really good at shutting a conversation down, especially when blows were an option. Still, I had to play her game and placed myself in the ready defensive stance she always wanted me to start with. "You won't be able to talk your targets to death when you're in the field."

"According to my history I should be able to," I disagreed, ducking under a blow. She was clearly going easy on me right now. I'd seen what she could do and it did not involve telegraphing her motions as she did now. She insisted it was for my benefit though as I would learn many people did. "I'm the Master Talker and everyone believes it. Coulson thinks I have all these skills and trusts me to have his back. He told me that I make people better." I moved right and brought my fist up to connect with her side. She insisted I could go full-out on her and I listened. I also don't think I had even given her a bruise at this point. "But it all stems from a lie. And I think it might be time to change that."

"You are under strict orders," she reminded me as I missed an obvious tell and was knocked in the jaw for my troubles. "Orders from the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. - the organization you claim to have served and do serve. To be an Agent you have to trust orders unconditionally."

"Well, maybe I'm having trouble trusting Fury," I admitted to something that had been on my mind a lot the past few days. "It's been a month and he hasn't found a single thing about who I was. Or at least he hasn't told me anything about it." His taking the cup flashed through my brain. It had to have a match somewhere right? I couldn't not exist because I was clearly right here. I existed. And I had to have come from somewhere. I didn't just materialize in that office for the first time. "He hasn't told you anything, right?"

My moment of vulnerability wasn't taken well as she knocked my legs out from under me and I met the mat once again. She loomed over me, but I realized as long as I was down here she couldn't distract me with blows. "May, I'm serious." I looked right into her eyes, which of course gave me no clue what she was thinking. But I was hoping my ability to make a connection was working. "Has Fury told you anything about me? Because I want to know. I-I actually really deserve to know."

"He has commented to me about the difficulty of the situation," she admitted after the longest moment of silence. "But that is all. You have to trust that if he knows more and has not spoken about it then he has the right reason to." She extended a hand and I allowed her to help me up. "Just as you cannot speak to the team about that. It will erase all the hard work and effort you have put in becoming a member of this team. If you lose what that says and are released from the Bus, then you truly will have nothing." I glanced at the tattoo, feeling that familiar burn whenever it was mentioned. It had been driving me crazy these past few days after that talk with Coulson. I was done with the lies. Part of me, I think part of me believed he might still think I was the same person and value me just as much if I came clean. My role on the team would be exactly the same.

But I knew ultimately that just wasn't a possibility. May was right that coming clean would just ruin every relationship I had worked so hard to build. This Bus was literally all I had- there was no place I could go if this whole thing fell apart. And I think I was just selfish enough that I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want to be alone. I think it was the only thing that held me back these days- the complete fear in losing it all with absolutely nothing to fall back on. I woke up with a name and a tattoo, so logic dictated losing one at this point would literally be losing half of me.

"This is what being an Agent is," she told me, not in a harsh manner but merely a matter-of-fact on as her hand was still clenched around my arm. "You have a mission. You complete it by following orders and doing what needs to be done." With that, she walked away and tossed me my sweater from the ground beside the mat a moment later. The message was clear, so I quickly put it on- hiding those eight words and putting the mask back on. I had to be Agent Ashleigh Crawford, Level Seven once again.

I took a quick shower before collapsing on my bunk. I was exhausted, but quickly noticed a note pinned next to the picture of us in Peru. 'Episode Three after Your Training,' was written in Skye's messy but completely legible cursive. 'No Excuses,' was scrawled directly below it in Fitz's much messier hand which made it nearly impossible to read. Luckily, I had been receiving quite a few of these notes lately and was getting well acquainted with his impossible handwriting. Plus I could go to Simmons if I ever had a question because she was a master at making 'Pork roast colon spaghetti' turn into 'Ate the last Pop Tart sorry'. It was a miracle really.

I knew there was no getting out of this, so I snatched the note and rolled to the edge on my bunk to dismount despite my over whelming desire to sleep. After a joke failed to leave an impression on me, Fitz and Skye had discovered the fact that I hadn't seen Star Wars. Or that I didn't remember seeing Star Wars, but that idea I kept to myself. So our journey began. There had been many arguments on whether to start from One or Four, for some reason, but they had settled on chronological so that things got better rather than worse. The first two had been… okay I guess. I didn't really have a lot to compare to honestly.

They were waiting in front of the television with popcorn, Ward seated in one of the chairs beside Skye. She had been trying to convince him to attend, and it looked like she had finally softened him enough. Ward couldn't hold out on something for Skye very long is all I'm saying. I offered him a smile and he smiled back, things actually pretty okay between us these days. I wedged myself between Skye and Fitz, putting the bowl of popcorn in my lap so we could all reach it easily. This had been decided in Episode Two when Skye polished the whole thing and Fitz had to stalk off to make another bag and miss Yoda with a lightsaber. He was grumpy the whole next morning. "Let's do this," I gave the signal and Fitz pressed play on the remote.

All I'm going to say is watching a movie about betrayal while being amongst the people you are actively lying to in that very moment and you swear your tattoo is burning so fiercely it is going to set your sweater on fire- it's pretty trippy.

XXX

I woke the next morning to Simmons practically shaking me awake. "Ashleigh, wake up!" I groaned and tried to roll over, but she was surprisingly strong- or I wasn't really trying. "For goodness sakes, it's eleven and you're still dead to the world. I swear you waste so much good daylight with these habits of yours. Either that or May needs to go even easier on you than she already is." If I was awake fully, I think I would have taken offense to that. She gave me a really good shake this time that nearly sent me toppling out of the bunk.

"Ashleigh! We have a mission, so you need to get out of bed and get into the conference room." I vaguely registered those words and slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from eyes. "You know he doesn't like to waste time when something comes up." That was very true, and that is exactly why I entered the conference room exactly three minutes later still in my pajamas with my hair all askew, joining everybody around the table. Simmons had abandoned me as soon as she knew I was awake, meaning I was the last one in alone.

"Nice to see you dressed for the occasion," was all Coulson gave me with a slight smirk. I shrugged, trying to appear that I wasn't completely mortified to be standing in front of my team in cotton shorts and long-sleeved shirt… with no bra. Everyone was doing their best to politely keep their eyes off the area in question, except for Ward sneaking a few longer glances. Yeah, I noticed buddy! Not that is wasn't anything Ward hadn't- stop. Stop that right now. I needed to be a professional, so I lifted my shoulders a little higher and made eye contact with my boss.

"I just didn't want to waste any more time." And that seemed to work for him and he immediately dived into the mission that had been put in front of us. A picture of a man appeared on the table and rotated. He looked slightly older than me and was clearly of Asian heritage. He also looked really pissed off that this picture had been taken.

"Chan Ho Yin," Coulson began, "just a struggling street performer until a few years ago when Mr. Chan began to exhibit moderate pyrokinetic abilities." So we were playing with fire. How metaphorically appropriate.

"So what gave him powers?" Fitz asked from across the table.

"It's still under investigation, but Chan did live near the decommissioned Wan Tai nuclear plant when it caught fire."

As we took this in, my hand shot up. I quickly realized we weren't in a classroom though and put is down as Coulson looked my way, clearing my throat. "Just asking, were there others who lived near this fire that we might have to consider? Are they possibly in play as well?"

"To our knowledge, no other residents exhibited similar traits." Well, that was a relief. I could maybe get the nerve to go up against one fire guy, but an army of them seemed like too tall an order to keep everyone safe in. I mean this guy really looked like he wasn't happy with us just from a picture. Imagine if he had a bunch of friends with him.

"How did we find out about him then?" Simmons chimed in curiously from next to me. She was scrutinizing the picture with her usual analytical eye, obviously trying to figure out how his body compensated and allowed for such powers. I was clearly spending too much time around fancy words in the lab.

"Informant saw him lighting torches in a street show," May explained, "with his pinkie." Well, that was impressive and certainly beneficial for his line of work. I could tell the others around me felt the same way, but it was with a more nervous edge than I thought was coming from me. They were scared of that fact and what he was capable of- I was thinking about his daily life.

"We told him to keep his abilities under wraps," Coulson continued. And I realized exactly why the pissed off face in the picture. This man was not happy with S.H.I.E.L.D. for that development in the slightest. We took away the one advantage he had after all. "He's been on the index ever since."

"The index?" Skye questioned. I had glanced over it briefly when studying up on my tablet, the concept not the names on it, and remembered the vague outline it served. I had merely nodded my head and kept going. But now, it was starting to bring up some qualms for me when I connected it to an actual person. It just didn't seem fair to him.

"It's a list of people and objects with powers that S.H.I.E.L.D. is currently aware of," I explained to Skye as per usual, watching her eyes widen at the implications I was struggling with right now.

"Wait What?" she questioned all of us. "How many are there? Are you saying there are more people-"

"Not many," May cut in to derail her.

"Well, enough to keep a list," Skye shot back with a little venom.

Coulson got in before things got a little too tense. "A short list, meant to protect them." Okay, he was making me feel better about this whole thing with a few words. Just trust Coulson.

"Though, in rare cases, S.H.I.E.L.D. has had to take action," Ward felt it necessary to add, throwing me off kilter again. Clearly, Ward needed to keep his mouth shut when in this room because it never made me feel better.

"Action against objects or people?" Skye glanced to everyone, but mainly Coulson and May. She took their silence for what it was. "Well, that's drastic with a side of creepy." Strangely enough, I found myself agreeing with her in this case. Though as an Agent I had to do my best to look at her like she was going off on nothing like the others were. It was supposed to be ingrained in me that I was for this. I needed to play my part. "How are they monitored… tapped phone? Satellite surveillance? Body probes in dark, unpleasant places?"

"Body probes?" Fitz cut in, voice laced with disbelief. "Now, that's ridiculous. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't do that. We don't do that." He then paused, attention going to Coulson again. "Do we?"

"The methods vary," Coulson explained as he worked on brining something up on the television. "Mr. Chan was very low risk." I snorted to myself, but hid it as a sneeze. Fire didn't seem like something you put in the low risk category of the index to me. "He was assigned a case agent who checked in with him every few day. That's how we discovered he was missing."

The television then pulled up a small and very garishly yellow apartment that was being searched by what looked to be about three to four Agents from the suits. It seemed pretty small for what a man like him was capable of doing, and it was starting to give me the sense that something didn't line up with this situation. May had a quick dialogue in Cantonese I believe with the man in the center of the television, he looked very dignified and to be around Coulson's age and rank, who now was giving us his full attention before she brought us up to speed. "Everyone, this is Agent Kwan, Chan Ho Yin's case agent." We all gave a cute coordinated little wave and I felt him glance my way a second longer than all the others. I folded my arms across my chest just in case. "What can you tell us?"

" _Not much, I'm afraid_ ," he told us frankly as his men continued their search. " _Chan is a magician, so at first I thought he'd made himself disappeared."_

"The file says you'd caught him violating his index agreement before."

" _On two separate occasions… claimed we were 'hampering hos artistic expression'._ " Everything about this seemed to be pointing in a different direction for me, a very dangerous one I would have to bring up to Coulson as soon as I got a chance. Something told me this guy wouldn't come running back into our arms once we found him again. " _But late last night, he was taken by professionals._ " He finally held up the bag that had been with him this whole conversation which had a shiny metallic look to it. " _The only thing left behind was this scrap of aluminized metal._ " I was getting good at this science thing.

"Fireproof clothing," Simmons voiced before my mind even thought of it. Okay, maybe not great at science yet. I would leave the heavy lifting to my colleagues.

"So whoever took him knew about his powers," Ward carried it a step further.

" _Yes, and we think we know why. Over the last few days, tech division discovered a crack in our data stream. It's the same cyber punks who hacked us before._ " Oh no. " _Somehow, they got in again. It's the Rising Tide._ " And just like that all eyes were on Skye, even mine unfortunately. And she looked wholly uncomfortable with all the attention. " _Hello?_ " Agent Kwan asked. " _It got really quiet. You guys still there?_ " The man even walked forward and tapped the glass, shattering the quiet moment as Coulson turned back to face him.

"Thank you, Agent Kwan. We'll take it from here." Kwan gave a bow before the television shut off back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo flashing in all our faces. "Skye, I'd like to speak to you in my office with Agent Crawford." Me? I didn't do anything! And quite frankly, I didn't believe Skye had either. Which is why I went along with following Coulson up the stairs to his office with only a glance back at the other three- Ward having insisted he come as her SO. It was my first time in his office and as Coulson settled in his chair I took a moment to admire all the memorabilia and old school toys and gadgets on the walls. He certainly had quite the collection and one day I'd have to ask him to go over it with me.

But right now was about Skye, and she was clearly on the defensive from the moment she walked in. "The Rising Tide is a huge organization of hacktivists from all around the world. Any one of them could have done this! It wasn't me." She almost seemed frantic in her defense and I just wanted to give her a comforting hug like she had for me. But something also didn't seem right and I tried to put my finger on what it was.

"No one's saying it was, Skye," I reminded her with a kind smile. This is why I was in this room. Coulson wanted me to deliver and get her to open up as I had done before.

"But they're thinking it. All of them except you. I can see their faces thinking it," she voiced with frustration, glancing at Ward and Coulson. The poor girl was really scared about what was going to happen and strangely it reminded me how similar Skye and I were. If this was then end of the road for her then she had just as much to return to as I did. No family with all her friends being contained on this Bus. She was fighting to keep the only thing she had left, and she was excluding me because she thought I was in her corner. So I needed to help her fight for this. I needed to bury my own doubts and feelings so I could help my friend.

"We're assessing the situation," Coulson told her in a very measured voice. His face was betraying nothing, which was only the case when he was being guarded around a person and didn't fully trust the situation.

"Then I'm sure you're taking into account that I have been living on a plane with you this whole time. It would be impossible for me to hack S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Or easier," he countered, which was honestly true. "We're going to need more than that." He was clearly pushing and testing her loyalty, something that made me both relieved and nervous about how he was viewing this situation.

"Fine," she agreed. Let me trace the hack, and I'll prove it."

"I believe her, sir," I voiced my opinion, earning a significant glance from Coulson. "Let's give her the benefit of the doubt."

"So do I," Ward agreed, which wasn't surprising in the least. "And we still need to track down the person responsible."

Coulson took a moment before addressing Skye with a very cool attitude that betrayed nothing. "Dig up something and fast. The longer Mr. Chan's missing, the more danger's he in." Skye nodded with determination and headed out the door without another word, Ward right behind her. I knew this was my time to speak to Coulson about what I was feeling and went to stand directly across from him.

"I'm worried about when we find Chan," I began, trying to look brave under his full attention. My opinion was solid and valid. He wouldn't belittle me for having it. So I needed to just put it out there. "This is a man who thinks he has something special that could make his whole life better. He wants attention and to be known judging by his career choice. I mean, he's a magician who can in a way literally do magic. But with the index, we've put him in a very tight box. A box in which he has poked his head out of a few times on his own. He doesn't want the life he had- you can see it just in that apartment. So I'm worried that when we find him, he might not be so eager to come with us."

"It's either us or his kidnappers, Crawford," he brought up. I could tell he wasn't discounting my theory, merely giving me something that needed to be considered. And I had.

"But they knew about his power- were prepared for it. What if whoever this group is that took him wants him for that power. It has to be for them to go after him specifically. And they're going to do something S.H.I.E.L.D. never did, sir. They're going to tell him to embrace it, to run with it, even to make it stronger so they can use it. They're the bad guys to us, but to a frustrated and resentful man like Chan they might just be his heroes. And he might just fight to stay with them."

Coulson thought on this for a moment which seemed like an hour to me as I just shifted back and forth, playing with my sleeve. "I will make sure these concerns are voiced to Agent Kwan and accounted for. It's a very interesting read on the situation and something we need to be prepared to handle. Thank you for the insight."

"You're welcome," I couldn't help but smile. Look at me, being smart and coming up with important ideas all by myself. I was really starting to get the hang of this whole operation. "I might need a tour of all this one day, sir," I gestured to the walls of the office. "There are a lot of stories here and I'd love to learn about them."

"Once this mission is wrapped up, I will make sure that happens." I think I let my excitement at a private tour show and it was enough to make him smile. Which was a great thing in my opinion and I wished he would do it more. But it was gone a few seconds after it appeared with the worries of the day. "What's your read on Skye?"

"I do believe her," I voiced, much more confident this time around with sharing my thoughts. "But there's something- I just get the hint she's not telling us everything. I mean, I'm sure we all have our secrets as well so it might be nothing at all. I trust her. But I also worry I'm starting to put blinders on when it comes to her because I do trust her." With that stream of completely useless information, I decided it was about time I go put some clothes on. "If it's okay sir, I think I'm going to go make myself decent for the rest of this mission. Don't want to be running around looking for Chan in my pajamas."

"Yes, I would appreciate it if you showed a better dress code when it comes to briefings that require discussions with other Agents especially." Well, this was mortifying. I was practically running to the door when I heard him speak again. "I'd even be willing to put things on hold a few extra minutes in the conference room so you can do that."

And just like that, the smile was back on my face.

XXX

I tried to make the shower quick, knowing that though Skye was slower due to only having one she would find where Rising Tide had hacked us in no time. I threw my hair up in a ponytail, threw on my jeans with sneakers and a red sweater today, and grabbed a Pop Tart for myself before booking it back to the conference room.

I found everyone there gathered around the table, the atmosphere telling me we already knew where we were going. I wordlessly pulled up beside Fitz, Pop Tart hanging out of my mouth like the true professional I was. "We got a hit," Skye informed us as a picture of a seemingly normal guy appeared on the table- a man with a beard and mustache combo that really worked for him. I looked to her for any sign of recognition, but didn't see anything.

"Miles Lydon," Fitz said with a deep breath, "Not Sky… that's to all of our relief." With that, he split my Pop Tart in half, leaving half in my mouth and half now in his.

"I'd be more than happy to share with you, Lee," I said with my mouth still full. "Thanks for asking."

"You know him?" Coulson asked Skye, ignoring our antics.

"Every hacker in the world knows him," she replied very clinically. Something was off here, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.

"Not just the hacker world," Simmons spoke up, awe evident. "He infiltrated the Kremlin."

"Yeah," Fitz backed her up. "The picture of, uh, Putin shirtless on horseback… that was his hack."

"Sounds like a fun day in Mother Russia," I quipped, slightly impressed by this guy. Fitz laughed and went to add something, but Ward cut in.

"It was also his hack that got Chan kidnapped." And once again he brought the entire mood of the room down as only Agent Ward could. I seriously needed to petition for him to be silent when in the briefing room.

"May, set a course for Austin." She had already been typing away on her tablet when Coulson spoke.

"Just did."

"What about Chan?" Skye inquired.

"Kwan's got an S.H.I.E.L.D. team on the ground. I just spoke to him again and he agrees our best bet is to chase this thing from the other end. Find Mr. Lydon, bring him in. See what he knows."

Coulson started out of the room and the rest of us followed to get ready, but I didn't miss the look Fitz gave Skye that she didn't notice. He was relieved that she hadn't been our hacker like we all were, but it was clear that he felt more for her than just a relieved friend. It was cute, seeing Fitz with a crush. But I made sure to elbow him in the gut as he walked through the door. "You owe me half a Pop Tart."

"If it really means that much to you, Ash, I will, uh, present you with half a Pop Tart to make up for the one I cruelly and viciously stole from you."

"It does," I played along. "So thank you." I thought of something and pointed a finger at him. "And it has to come from somewhere other than my supply in the kitchen. You have to produce this half solely on your own merit, alright?"

"Whatever you say, Ash." He started for the lab and I fell in step right beside him, having nowhere else I needed to be until we got to Texas. "Whatever you say." Skye and Simmons were already down there and I made my way over to my hacker friend. She was playing with her phone and looked surprisingly serious.

"Hey, I'm sorry you had to go through all that trouble," I nudged her. "But you're in the clear now and it's only going to make Coulson trust you more in the long run. Think of it like a test- one that you passed with flying colors."

"I'm fine. You don't need to try and cheer me up, you know." I could tell she was upset, so I did the most Skye thing I could think of. I just put an arm around her and after a moment she leaned her head onto my shoulder. She was big on physical contact, something not many of this Bus were extremely fond of, so I did my best to make sure she got enough hugs in a day. "Thank you for believing me," she said so only I could hear it.

I leaned my head so it was on top of hers. Of course I had. The others thought like Agents first and foremost, approaching the situation analytically. I just looked at the person without that training behind me. And that made me unique to the others on the Bus maybe- I was something completely different. That's what I brought to this dynamic. And it didn't require me being a fake Agent to do it in the slightest.

We sat there for a bit while Fitz-Simmons ran this way and that with some new device they were working on to deal with heat scenarios, Coulson having told them to be prepared just in case, arguing if they could get it ready in time or if it would remain theoretical. When I released Skye she went back to her phone and I grabbed my tablet from my bunk to look into Chan's misdemeanors a little more thoroughly. It seemed like he had just as much anger as I was expecting when it came to what being on the index meant for him. There had even been an altercation with his handle once, though Chan had seemed to immediately regret it. He wasn't a bad guy- he just wasn't who he wanted to be. And whoever kidnapped him might be promising him that. The worried pit in my stomach about this just continued to grow. But I'd be there to make sure my team was safe. Soon enough, May came over the intercom after a few hours of us all just doing our own thing and enjoying one another's company.

May and I were to be left on the Bus while the others went out. Coulson wanted me to make the Interrogation Room ready and have a plan of action for when they brought Lydon in. May was to change our coordinates and make ready so we could head straight for Chan when we got him, despite her arguing that she wanted to be out in the field. Coulson finally got her to cave when promised her next time it was all hers. I waved everybody off as they started down the cargo ramp in three separate vehicles, Fitz-Simmons waving back to me with large smiles. They were going along to track Lydon with the hopes that between Coulson, Ward, and Skye they should be able to intercept the man.

As I made my way through the lab, I noticed Skye had left her phone on the table we had both been sitting at. Which was weird because it was never out of her sight on most occasions, and when it was I think she locked it up with what little security we had from one another here. It was just a personal thing to her. I got it. And I meant to just take it to her bunk and set it on her dresser. I really did. But it buzzed practically the moment I touched it.

'Thanks for the tip' It was from a contact named Miles. And my heart literally sank. The phone was locked of course, but I had seen her do the swiping maneuver more times than I could count that unlocked it. And it may have made me a horrible person but I did it. I unlocked her phone and saw the text she had sent Miles while I had been sitting right next to her. 'S.H.I.E.L.D. is on your tail for the Index Hack. Be careful and meet me at your apartment.'

I was running so fast to the cockpit that I nearly tripped over one of the chair. She had lied to us. She was working with Miles. How did I miss it? But I knew exactly how really. I had been her friend instead of an Agent. I threw the door open and May just stared at me as I thrust the phone out towards her. She glanced though it and her entire demeanor hardened. She grabbed it from my and deposited it on the steering console.

"Get in a car. We're leaving." I immediately did as she said, not even wanting to give her the hint of a challenge when she was in a mood like this. Skye was going to have to watch her back when we found her because May might just kick her into a wall. She got into the driver's seat a moment after I was in the passengers and thrust her tablet into my hands. "She left the phone so we couldn't track her. I need you to for anything that could indicate Lydon's apartment." I realized quickly that she had downloaded every single text Skye and Miles had exchanged onto here- even the deleted ones somehow. We rocketed down the ramp so fast I had to brace myself, thanking God I had enough time to put my seatbelt on. I had never driven with May and I was starting to think I had been lucky so far.

I scrolled though hundreds of messages before I found something. "I got one from when they first met." She grabbed the tablet from me, while she was still driving which made me slightly panic, and easily sent the address to the GPS. Soon we were rocketing and weaving through streets with a destination in mind at least. She also sent the address to Coulson and the others, though they were a bit farther out than we were- having lost Miles at the café. Because of Skye. It was like a punch to the gut whenever I thought about it. It sucked learning one of your only friends had been filled with ulterior motives.

We made it with record time, May hardly bothering to park really. I followed her us the stairs of the building and stood by as she picked the lock to the apartment that belonged to Miles. We were in within ten seconds, silently slinking through the door. The woman is a real life ninja.

The apartment had tech and computers littered everywhere, which I was cautious to avoid because it might blow up for all we knew with my luck. It was quite a mess. There were even clothes scattered around- that was a woman's top. That was a woman's top… that I had seen on a person earlier. I quickly snatched it up and saw May had locked her attention on a closed door that had to lead to the bedroom. Oh, this was so much worse than I thought. I came up next to her and heard hushed and playful voices, one male and one female, from the other side. We simply waited, me staring at the ceiling and trying to remove any mental pictures that may be forming.

"But they're never gonna let me go on anything if I don't find my stupid-"There she was. The door opened and there was Skye in her undergarments staring at the two of us in complete shock. I quickly looked away so as not to mortify her more, but I could bet May was staring daggers into her. "…top."

"Get. Dressed." May ordered in her iciest tone and I thrust out the top in my hands towards her. She grabbed in from me, sputtering and failing to explain herself with a glare that powerful on her. She quickly realized the jig was up and retreated into the bedroom as she claimed she would be out in a minute. I made my way over to the couch and decided to make myself comfortable, after moving the crap that was on top of it first. Did Miles have any alcohol? Because I needed some.

May had the two of them, thankfully now dressed; sit until the others arrived in the most eerie silence I've ever experienced. Even Miles had the brains to know not to speak up with her towering over the two of them. Skye kept glancing my way for some reason, I suspected looking for support or in means of an apology, but I just kept my focus on the door. I couldn't even look at her right now. I thought she had been just as dedicated to protecting this team as I had been. But it looked like I now had to protect them from her.

Fitz-Simmons set about looking into the computers Lydon had scattered about without a word or a glance, though the betrayal was evident in their posture. Fitz was still as the grave and Simmons wasn't bouncing about the place. They were pissed. Ward hadn't said anything, which was the worst sign from him. He wouldn't be leaping to her aid this time. But that was nothing to how blank Coulson looked, guard completely up, as he joined May in standing over the two of them- leafing through papers that had been next to the computer.

"I know how this looks…" Skye began, only to be silenced by a finger from Coulson. She almost shrunk under it really. I got up off the couch and made my way to Fitz-Simmons, putting a hand on each of their shoulders in silent solidarity. We were all going through the same thing together and we would get through this. Fitz shrugged me off pretty quickly, but I knew he understood the message and appreciated it. Simmons just let is stay there while she worked.

"How long have you two been in contact?" Coulson questioned, back to the Interrogation Mode Skye had only seen him in the day they met.

"I contacted him once the day I joined to tell him I was okay and once earlier today."

"When you tipped off an active suspect?"

"No, it's not like that," Skye disagreed desperately. "Miles and I… we met when we were both a little screwed up. Scratch that. He was a little screwed up. I was a lot. But we looked after one another." She was looking for sympathy but no one was biting. Not even me. "That's why I warned him- not because we're working together on this but because we're… friends." I finally turned to look at her, seeing how small she was and that she did look genuinely upset. "I'm really sorry."

"Noted," was all Coulson offered her. "If not you, then who is Mr. Lydon working with?"

"No one. He's an idealist, believes in freedom of information."

"That information cost a man his freedom, and you sabotaged out attempts to remedy that." Oh, he was angry now.

"No. I came here to find out what Miles knows about Chan," she fired back, trying to show some backbone against him now.

"And?"

"Nothing. Miles is a dead end. He's harmless."

"We'll see."

"Really, I was gonna find out everything I could to try to help. I just… felt like I couldn't tell you guys everything." And I wanted to hate her. I wanted to be like everyone else in this room right now. But I understood exactly what she was saying. I was everything she was saying. And one day it might be me on that couch with Coulson towering over me in disappointment. Only my lies were so much bigger. I didn't want this to be my future. I couldn't let this be.

"I thought so, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. It almost cost me this mission if Crawford hadn't worked out what she did. Seems that wasn't a dead end." And with that he walked away from her, joining the rest of us in tearing through the apartment while she just hung her head.

"Why would Skye do this to us for him?" Fitz asked me and Simmons, voice laced with anger and hurt that he was trying to hide. I felt so bad for him. His crush had been a traitor in his eyes. "I thought she was our friend."

"She is, Lee," I told him my honest thoughts, having cooled down slightly at the sight of her.

"He's just obviously more than that," Simmons added, I think driving the knife in even further for the poor guy.

"Yeah, but we've been through so much together and she didn't even tell us she had a guy." At that, Ward knocked over a lamp and made everyone flinch. I suspected he had heard what Fitz has said and this whole thing was hitting him pretty hard to. Coulson went to collect May and Lydon from where she had been questioning him in the bedroom while I made my way over to Ward and picked up the pieces of the lamp silently. He seemed to get what I was going for in the gesture and helped me up when I was done.

"Gather all the evidence and secure the prisoners," Coulson ordered, causing all of us to scramble. "We got what we were looking for here. We're going to Hong Kong." I saw Ward pull handcuffs from his pocket and snatched them before he had a chance to turn.

"I've got this." He nodded and followed May out with Lydon, Fitz-Simmons grabbing whatever data and papers they could. I went to where Skye was sitting on the couch and she looked up at me with her big sad eyes, sending some sympathy rushing through me despite myself.

"Ash, I'm-"

"Only Fitz," I warned her, gesturing for her hands. She pushed the forward and I fumbled with putting the handcuffs on. "First time doing this." She rose once I was finished and I couldn't help but fix the button she had missed on her shirt. I wasn't going to let the poor girl embarrass herself even further. She smiled genuinely at me before allowing me to lead her out the door and into the waiting car.

On the way I made a decision watching the expression everyone had as she filed past them. I was never going to take this walk. I don't think I could bear it. I couldn't bear the thought of them all finding out like they had here- of the shock and confusion currently on display. I wanted it to be on my own terms and maybe then I would stand a better chance at explaining the situation.

So I needed to talk to Coulson immediately.

XXX

I checked in quickly on Fitz-Simmons before I made my way up that office for the second time. Ward was sulking in the background, having turned off the feed to the Interrogation Room we had Lydon and Skye locked up in. "Is it… is it zombie?" he asked her weirdly enough. It was a very strange sentence to start a conversation on.

"Zombie pigmen," Simmons responded, causing both of them to shudder. She then spotted me and smiled. "Ashleigh. Help us sort through this so we can find some sort of evidence on Miles."

"I will," I assured her, hoping I was telling the truth. "I just need to talk to Coulson about something important first." I started to back out of the doorway, knowing this might be the last time they would ever treat me like this- like their friend.

"Hey, are you okay, Ash?" Fitz asked having spotted what must have been a sad expression on my face. "I know this whole thing with Skye is hard, but you've still got us." I gave him my best smile, the one I had given him when we first met.

"I'm just fine, Lee. Thank you." And with that I made my way up to the office door, dread nearly choking me as I forced myself to keep going. I wanted to run, but instead I knocked and poked my head in. He was seated in a chair staring at his television that was currently showing the Interrogation Room, deep in thought. Here we go.

"Coulson," I began, somber. "There's-there's something I need to talk to you about." I entered the room and stood before him, playing with the sleeve of my sweater.

"Crawford, we both missed Skye. And you admitted to having an inkling-"

"It's not about that," I cut him off before he managed to make me feel even worse about that. I had been so focused on this I hadn't taken the time to dwell on how Skye had slipped right past me. In a bold decision I went to stand in front of the television, needing his full attention.

I got a sigh for my efforts. "Crawford, can it possibly-"

Yes. I wanted to scream that. I wanted to shout yes and run from the room back to help Fitz-Simmons and return to normalcy. Keep everything exactly the same. It was the worst moment to be doing this to him. He was still reeling from Skye and I was going to add this. I might end up in that room with Skye and Miles. Or they might throw me off the Bus altogether- midflight.

But I put my courage to its sticking place and shook my head. "No. It can't, sir. It is of the utmost importance." He just stared at me before shutting the television off and nodding for me to have a seat across from him. I did, hands clenched in my lap. "I don't want you to find out like you did with Skye. I know it needs to come from me and it needs to come sooner rather than later. In fact, I'm sorry I've kept it this long from you." I was tearing up now despite myself, unable to look at him.

"Ashleigh, what are your trying to say?"

And the dam just broke. "I don't know if that's my name," I admitted, finally letting the words out and hearing my voice crack with emotion. "I don't know anything about who I am really." He was just staring at me, obviously confused. I knew there was only one way to do this. So I abruptly rose, rolled up my right sleeve and thrust my arm across the gap towards him. "I woke up in Fury's office a month ago with this," I explained as he examined it. And then he was schooling his features, showing no emotion. I was now someone he didn't fully trust just like that. "No memories. Just this. Two lines. Eight words. It's- it's all I had."

He was processing this as he gestured for me to sit back down. But he needed to know everything. I wasn't taking a chance on anything. "I only had my name, or at least what I thought was my name. You see, Fury couldn't find me anywhere. He still can't after taking my DNA twice. I somehow don't exist which sucks when you're wondering if you had a life before waking up in the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s office."

"You're not an Agent," were the first words he said to me. And I desperately tried to find something in them to cling to, but of course there was nothing. "All the missions, the training…"

"It wasn't true," I finished. "Hill made it up so you'd put me on the team. Fury wanted me here just in case- I mean obviously I was really committed to being part of this if I got myself inked. And I had no training so I wasn't a threat to you. I was supposed to just keep my head down here, possibly remember something, and hopefully know what to do when the situation on my arm came up. But no, I've never flown a plane or saved a bunch of hostages. Those were all lies. I'm just me."

"Why are you telling me this?" he questioned, rising now. I could tell he was going this angle rather than the more obvious ones. It might mean some part of him hadn't given up on me just yet. "If Fury gave you orders to-"

"Fury did give me orders," I agreed, rising as well. "But I also gave myself orders when I did this. Orders that I think are higher than Fury because they come straight from me. And if I'm going to be a part of this team and save someone, well then I think you need to know the truth so I can do that. Lies are just going to lead to myself being in a situation I can't handle and someone being hurt. And I'm not about to let any of you get hurt because of me." I was a person before I was an Agent. Always had been despite my best efforts. So now it was time to be just that and listen to what I had to say rather than Fury.

I could tell he was struggling. It was too much for anyone really to just have thrown at them. So I decided to make it easier, approaching the desk. "Sir, I just told you everything. My past is a lie, but everything I have done since getting on this Bus… that was me. It was all me. You helped me realize that. And none of it was pretend or being coached. It was me being part of this team in the way I can- the way I think I can still be. I want to keep helping all of you, but I understand if you can't." I extended my hands forward, tattoo now in front of him once again. "And if that's the case, put me with Skye until we land. The just send me on my way. I'll figure something out. I won't blame you a single bit."

We just stared at each other, seconds seeming eternal as I waited for him to make the call. I would accept whatever decision he made I promised myself. I had done the best I could and didn't regret a single moment since I boarded this Bus. And I tried to show him that as my eyes stared into his, tears welling up in the corners as I tried to keep a brave smile on my face. He wasn't moving though, but I didn't quite know why yet. Was it hatred for the lies that had piled up and the moments we shared he now believed to be false? Or perhaps just a touch of understanding that I had done something huge by coming here?

And that was exactly how we were when May entered the room and immediately noticed that my sleeve was rolled up and exposed.

My hands just hanging there waiting for his decision.

XXX

 _Thank you to GiraffePanda 2, MulishaMaiden, and Sinistrous Delicious for their kind and fun reviews. Sorry this chapter took so long, but Best Buy lied about my laptop being fixed. So please take your anger out on your nearest Geek Squad member._

 _Thank you to those who have favorited this story for the huge compliment of saying you love this story that much. So thank you blackcat711, Color me cruel, Harry James Cullen, Lady Luna Hale, LoveisforEternity, MoonlightWolf16, nefanee, TabloidTeen, and tiarna13._

 _Thank you to those who put this story on your watch list. I hope to be being more steady now for your enjoyment. Thank you tiarna13, Color me cruel, DanielleBurkex3, TheSecretGarden101, stormrunner74, SummerElainee, TabloidTeen, gingerlover2000, Connie Weasley, LoveisforEternity, Harry James Cullen, Edward Cullen's Girl (Sounds like you two might have a dispute), Ayrpluto72 (welcome back to the planets), blackcat711, AbnormalxAbby, SebbyTrash, and Enecs._

 _See you soon!_


	12. That Little Thing Called Trust

_That Little Thing Called Trust_

The only thing worse than be walked through the Bus, the only place that you could consider your home in any capacity, in a pair of handcuffs was the fact that you had to pass the only friends you had. They felt familiar clasped around the wrists held directly in front of me, taking me back to the first few days after I woke up. I was a threat somehow then and I guess I was back to being one now. May had at first had a hand on my shoulder, but let go when it quickly became apparent I would accept the decision that had been made and made my way to the Interrogation Room with a straight face and dignified manner with my eyes locked on the floor in front of me.

It had actually been May who ended up putting the cuffs on me and offered to walk me to our makeshift jail cell. She had naturally played dumb, pretended to see the tattoo for the first time, and let Coulson give her a hasty and weak explanation as he tortured himself over what to do. I had never planned on taking her down with me. She had her own secrets and I got the feeling she wouldn't be admitting them anytime soon. My mentor of sorts had then thrown the handcuffs on my wrists and asked if I should be walked down. Coulson had merely stared blankly ahead, something she took as an affirmative but I took as that he was still deciding. Which was good for me I suppose though I hated that this was clearly torturing him.

"What's going on?!" I actually cringed at the voice, the Scottish accent clearly confused. My heart felt like it was being squeezed so hard I couldn't breathe as I looked up to see Fitz standing in the doorway of the Briefing Room. "What the bloody hell are you doing May?!" Now he was angry as well, and I could imagine how this sight must look. Simmons and Ward were now standing behind him silently, just staring while trying to puzzle what was going on here. I hope Coulson explained it to them honestly, because I didn't know if I had it in me to do it again. Especially when I looked Fitz directly in the eye and almost started crying just at how frantic he seemed. I tried to force myself to smile to comfort him, but I don't think the effort came off very well. But that's alright. He wouldn't care that much about me in an explanation. I was really going to lose him this time- all of them.

"Ash?!" he cried as I passed him, turning my head to keep his eyes on mine for as long as I could. "What are you doing?! Ash!" He tried to run forward, but Ward barred him with a hand across the doorway. I was positive Ward didn't know what was going on, but he seemed to trust the decision that had been made about me. Maybe he thought I had conspired with Skye or something. If only it was that simple. Fitz pushed against it, but he obviously wasn't strong enough to overcome the obstacle. "Where are you taking her?! Ash! Ash!"

May brought us to a halt right before the Interrogation Room, spinning me around roughly to face her. Her mouth was a hard line and I could see the fury threatening to peek through her stoic demeanor. I was lucky I wasn't being kicked into a wall right now in all honestly. "I hope you have at least a small grasp on how utterly and completely you have failed S.H.I.E.L.D."

"It's funny, because in my mind I think I did exactly the opposite." We both stared at one another for a long moment and I refused to back down in the slightest. I had done the right thing and she couldn't convince me otherwise.

So I was deposited into the cell without another word, stalking past where Skye and Lydon were bickering opposite one another to stand in a corner sliding down it to sit on the floor with a sigh. Skye took a glance at me before returning to her argument only to turn back to me suddenly and dramatically as she registered the handcuffs on my wrists. She opened and closed her mouth very rapidly, unable to form words as she just stared down at me from her metal chair. She was handcuffed to the chair in what had to be a very uncomfortable angle as they had to be placed above her cast, making her have to bend over quite a bit.

"Ashleigh, what the hell- oh," she smiled coyly, believing she had figured something out. "I get it. This is a tactic you and Coulson are putting on. He brings you in here and I going to badger you so that my conscience gives way and I confess everything I know to get you out of this mess because of course I know you had nothing to do with it. Well, I do know nothing. So there is nothing I can do to protect you once he comes in- or sends Ward in because that would honestly make me feel worse for you. So the joke is on you and your little S.H.I.E.L.D. tactic because not only is it not going to work but I figured it out! Ha!"

Well, at least she was excited. "It's not a tactic," I tried to burst her bubble, completely solemn.

"Sure. Right. We'll see what happens when Ward comes in and starts beating you up or something and I won't be able to help."

I really didn't feel like repeating myself, but I suppose it was better she heard it from me rather than anyone else. My eyes also fell on the camera directly across of me and I pictured the other three gathered around the screen trying to piece together what was going on with a myriad of different emotions. Now was my chance to set the record straight myself and despite suddenly being exhausted I knew I had to take it. I couldn't stop doing the right thing now.

"Skye," I began, shifting a little against the wall so my head was resting against it, "The reason I am here with you now is because I told Coulson the truth. You see, I've been lying to you- to all of you," I added with a glance to the camera. I was almost crying again, but I forced myself to hold out and be strong. I may lose my friends right now, but they'll know the truth. Look at the small positives I guess. "I'm not an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury and Hill made it all up, everything that I've supposedly done before being on this Bus. My first mission was actually when we met you. In a way, I'm just as new to this as you are."

She sat in silence for a moment, taking this in and knowing I was telling the truth. Lydon was wisely keeping his mouth shut and just observing this confusing display in front of him. I put my head back down to stare at the handcuffs when she spoke again. "Then who are you?" I looked back up at her, sad smile on my face despite myself.

"I really don't know," I admitted. "I woke up at S.H.I.E.L.D. -in the most secure location- with nothing but Ashleigh Crawford in my head. They can't find me anywhere though so even that might just be a lie." I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Other than that- nothing up in the noggin in terms of memories. No family. No friends. No clue what I did for the last twenty something odd years. It's why I don't know how to drive and have never seen Star Wars. Just a possibly fake name, the actually fake belief I was an Agent, and a tattoo." I glanced down at my exposed wrist, watching a drop of water hit the cursive letters only to realize I was actually crying.

I quickly wiped my face with my other hand before reading the words out loud. "It says that I need to join Coulson's team. I need to save him. I have no idea who or how really. Fury just figured I had to do this with good reason, so here I am. He gave me orders to keep the whole thing secret and play pretend like I was this big Agent with special skills to help out. But I just- I just couldn't handle lying anymore, especially to all of you." And there it was-all of it out in the air. I probably would have felt the weight be lifted off my chest if my heart wasn't so heavy with dread over what happened next. "I don't know who I am." I traced the words silently, even when I heard the metal of the chair and table echo through the room a few moments later.

"I would go over there and hug you, but I'm currently handcuffed to a table." I couldn't help but smile at her statement. I don't think she quite knew what to say after that and so we fell into silence, waiting for something but we didn't know what.

Ward soon came into the room, fully ignoring me and Skye to loom over Lydon. I went back to tracing my tattoo in the corner- figuring everyone wanted me to stay out of all this from here on out. . "She's been defending you, saying you're a stand-up guy." I instantly looked up at the conflict at the words, knowing the team must have something good. "So I'm going to give you a chance. Do you want to tell her or should I?" He dropped something on the table and I craned my neck to try and get a peek. It was too high up though.

Lydon merely glared at Ward. "I don't have to listen to-"

"There goes your chance," Ward said simply, opening what looked to be an envelope himself. "Your boyfriend here made a few deposits in the days following the leak." He started to lay things out on the table and I decided I wasn't going to just hide in the corner anymore, curiosity be damned. I was still in this investigation. I rose and made my way over to see a line of checks along the table. Ward didn't spare me a glance, which at the moment was a good thing. He wasn't chasing me away. "All said… it's about a million dollars."

"What?" Skye asked in a voice laced with pure betrayal. I instantly had one of my handcuffed hands on her shoulder, knowing how hard this was going to be for her.

"Real stand-up guy," Ward said with a little too much gleeful sarcasm in my opinion.

Lydon just had his focus on Skye. "I can explain-"

"Did you sell information? Miles?" she questioned him with ferocity. "Yes or no? Did you?!"

"Yes, but-"

The table rattled as Skye tried to stand up, but it was no use. I did take a step back from her though and made my way to the side of the table opposite Ward. I saw his eyes go to my tattoo and nod to himself at the words that were emblazoned there, seeing I had been telling the truth. So they had heard me just like I thought. At least I wouldn't have to repeat myself again. "Ohh! You are so dead! What the hell were you thinking?!"

"It was a million dollars," Lydon argued, but Skye was just shaking her head as was I. Prick. I may have hated him for working with Skye to hurt us, but I hated him even more for hurting Skye. Then I thought of Mr. Chan and realized this jackass was the reason he was in this whole mess. Now I was glaring down at him as well, tempted to punch him in his pretty boy face. "A million dollars. It would change my life… our lives."

I couldn't hold it in. I slapped him upside the head and I didn't hold back. "What was that for?!" he became defensive, grabbing his head. I just met his gaze, apparently so intimidating Lydon eventually looked away from me. I won't lie, being able to do that felt pretty good.

"She did that because you're an idiot," Ward shrugged, arms crossed. "Now who gave you these? Who did you talk to?"

"It was a woman… and she was harmless. I looked into it."

"Then why would she pay that much for information!" I couldn't help but shout. This guy… just this guy. I was expecting Ward to cut me off and officially remove me from the conversation, but he just seemed to be waiting for me to continue. "The good guys certainly don't! Did you even think or was waving the check in front of you enough that you just threw your moral compass over your shoulder and got a man kidnapped?!"

"Of course I did," he assured me with a trembling voice, actually afraid of me. Skye had a smug look on her face as he cowered. "I never would have done it if I thought-"

"Then who was she?" Ward questioned. "If you looked into it like you said."

"A fan of the Rising Tide, some rich girl in a flower dress. She knew all about me, said I had a gift. She thought people like us deserved more." Oh my God. She had flattered the jerk a little and that was enough to seal the deal. I was kind of disgusted right now.

"Hit him again," Skye said through gritted teeth, agreeing with me. I instantly smacked him upside the head again before he could flinch.

"Stop that!" he shouted in pain, hand going to his head and staying there. "Aren't you going to do something about this, man?" he asked Ward, nodding towards me. "I mean, she isn't with you guys. She's locked up in here just like us."

"What did she want you to do?" Ward got back on track, completely ignoring his plea.

"She pointed me to a Chinese S.H.I.E.L.D. feed… wanted me to crack it." He was rubbing his head and glanced my way. "And before you hit me again I did check the data stream. It didn't seem like anything you and I hadn't already put out there, Skye." He looked around, but saw that we weren't even close to being won over. "And-and I traced the account where the money came from just to make sure it wasn't some evil corporation. It was just an eco-research lab. Otherwise, I would never-"

"Ecological research?" Ward cut in, leaning across the table. Skye and I had picked up on the same thing judging by the look she gave me.

"Yeah, insects. Some study with centipedes." Holy shit. It was them- whoever they were. The ones who had turned Mike Peterson into a door-throwing explosive and killed someone with their superhero cocktail. They had Chan and that definitely meant good things were not in store for him if their track record was any indication. We needed to find him and we needed to find him now. "What's more harmless than-"

His nose cracked as my fist connected with his face. I shook it out as he grabbed it, swearing up a storm as blood started leaking from it. Skye gave me a look of pure thanks while Ward gave me what could only be described as an impressed nod at my improvement. He then grabbed Lydon by the collar. "We're going to go fix the kidnapping you created through your stand-up actions. In the meantime, how about we be a stand-up guy and let the lady have a seat." He gave Lydon a yank and sent him to the ground next to the table- twisting his arms at an uncomfortable angle as he was still attached to it that made him wince in pain, gesturing for me to have a seat. I quickly took it after flashing him a smile and a dramatic curtsy. He gave Lydon a last look before barreling out to get back to the team, shaking his head.

I knew my mind should be hard at work about what this mean but I just couldn't wipe that smile off my face. Ward didn't seem to be treating me that differently. I mean it's not like he had sprung me but he had definitely let me be involved. And Skye, Skye was still looking at me like her friend who had done her a solid by socking her ex-boyfriend or whatever he was. Maybe there was hope for my future. Maybe I'd at least have people to contact and talk to every now and then on my adventures outside the Bus.

But I needed to focus on the mission. Ward seemed to think I was still in this, so I needed to be. Whatever Centipede group wanted from Chan, which I'm sure Fitz-Simmons had already figured out, was specific and probably had to deal with his powers. They needed him for something and I knew I wasn't going to figure that out. My thinking needed to be on Chan like before. The poor guy just couldn't catch a break it seemed. First Kwan won't let him use his power and now he was with people who only wanted his power. No one cared about what he wanted and how he could show the world something that him was truly magical. No one was on his side… and that meant he wasn't going to let himself think anyone was now.

I turned to face the camera. "Coulson, I don't know if you're listening but I imagine you're getting ready to go in there." The other two were just looking at me. "Chan is not going to be happy when you find him because he doesn't want to go back to the life he had with Kwan. And you can bet that he's going to lash out at his captives, but I think he's going to extend that same anger towards you because he doesn't want his old life either. He is going to be mad at everyone in the room and want to show them what he can do… with fire powers that have probably been tinkered with. Kwan cannot go in there if he wants to get out. He was just doing his job, but Chan is not going to want to see him. You can guarantee that. And you all need to be ready for the suffering he's going to want to inflict on you." I sighed. "He's not a bad guy. He's just going to feel like nobody cares about him… and I think at this point it may be too late to convince him differently."

Of course there was no answer, but I felt relieved that I had at least warned my team. That I had maybe convinced them to keep Kwan from going in and saved his life. I turned back and leaned against the seat, taking a deep breath. I looked to see Skye appeared deep in thought, staring at the ground with a frown. "Hey," I called after giving her a few minutes before feeling it was necessary to intervene, getting her attention. "If I wasn't in handcuffs I would hug you right now." I smiled and she returned the gesture with a chuckle. "I have a question though… how do you have sex with a broken arm? Because that just seems uncomfortable." And just like that the two of us dissolved into a much needed fit of laughter and giggling.

Then Lydon had the idiocy to shatter the moment from his spot on the ground. "I'm sorry. I honestly didn't know." His voice was a little nasally as he was holding his nose to keep it from bleeding anymore.

Skye's face fell and she looked down at him. "All our talks… did you mean none of it? I risked everything to help you, and it turns out every word out of your mouth since me met has been total crap!"

"That's not true."

I rolled my eyes. "It's so true," I made clear. I could tell Lydon was getting frustrated with everyone teaming up on him, but I honestly didn't care with what I knew was about to happen when my team made it to that building.

"Democratization of knowledge, 'the truth will set you free'- the truth sure as hell came out," Skye was furious now, hands clenched under the table. But she almost looked on the verge of crying too.

"I believe in all those things," Lydon shot back, twisting himself so he could face her better. "I just don't know why they have to go hand in hand with barely scraping by. Come on, Skye. You lived in your van for the last two years."

"Now you're making fun of my van?"

I delivered a swift kick to his side. "Stop making fun of her van."

"Stay out of this," he snapped at me. I just glared back at him. "Skye, I could have funded us for years… us. So you wouldn't have to sacrifice your principles by joining this corrupt institution to find what you're looking for. And what's wrong with me trying to do that?"

I went to kick him again, but Skye spoke first. "I'll tell you what's wrong with that… an innocent guy might die… for money."

"You know I'd never intentionally hurt anyone. I'm just trying to get my life together. At least you know what you're looking for." I paused, trying to figure out what he was speaking of. It must have been something personal judging by how hurt Skye was looking right now at his just bringing it up- like it was somehow an even further betrayal of trust. "Me… I don't have that. For a long time, I thought it was you. I guess I was wrong."

"I guess so," Skye made final, looking away from him and back towards me. "Because I just learned one of my best friends doesn't have a memory in her head to guide her towards what she's looking for. And she's a better person than you can ever hope to be with the decisions she's made in a month. So yeah, I left you to join the corrupt individuals and it wasn't the other way around." Her confidence and faith was somehow just what I needed in a way only Skye could deliver. I was worried my friends wouldn't like who I really was as a person, but I had been myself the entire time. And they saw that. Maybe I didn't know who I was, but they seemed to. And maybe I would get the chance to figure it out for myself with them.

We sat in a long silence, each of us probably lost in a different train of thought. But it all came to a halt when Ward came bursting into the room again. "Coulson's in trouble. It's worse than he was anticipating." He went right over to Skye and unlocked her handcuffs, allowing to scramble to her feet and make for the door. He also unlocked Lydon, but made sure the cuffs were back on as soon as the bloody mess of a guy was on his feet. He started to shove him out of the room before turning back to where I sat, just watching the situation and expecting nothing for me.

"Aren't you coming, Crawford?" You were always full of surprises, Agent Ward. I practically bounced to my feet and made to follow. "I can't do anything about the handcuffs though," he told me as we made our way to the Briefing Room.

"That's alright," I assured him. "What's going on?"

"You were right. Chan would rather take everyone in that building down than walk away quietly with us. But I think it helped that we were expecting that." He seemed to sense my next question before I asked it. "Kwan didn't go despite the fight he put up to Coulson about it- just him and May went in. You probably saved his life." He gave me a pat on the back. "You did good… for not being an Agent."

We reached the briefing room before I could answer him, Ward parking Lydon in a corner as Skye went to the table and started her mostly one-handed typing. Fits-Simmons was purposefully keeping their attention on her and the mission it seemed, neither of them noticing I had entered behind Ward. I parked myself in a corner as well, just observing and not wanting to call much attention to myself. This was about Chan, not me. "The entire facility's been locked down," Skye said with frustration.

"Are you sure about this?" Fitz asked Ward as Lydon came beside Skye, taking the place in.

"No," Ward answered truthfully.

"This is pretty cool," Lydon whispered to Skye, but she just shrugged him off with something akin to disgust.

"The alarms disconnected the system from all exterior servers," Skye told her old SO.

"Can you fix it or not?"

"Yes, but you'd have to get me on-site."

Ward and Lydon both shot her down at the same time, exchanging a look filled with testosterone. I was honestly surprised Fitz hadn't joined in as well. "You're a hacker, Skye," Lydon followed up. "Not Seal team six."

"No. But he is," she nodded towards Ward.

"You need to take her Ward," I spoke up as he debated, finally getting Fitz-Simmons to realize I was there. "We need to make sure they can get out otherwise Chan IS going to kill them. She's the only who can do it and you know that." With that, he grabbed Skye by the arm and started to lead her towards the lab and cargo ramp, leaving the four of us in the Briefing Room- two scientists and two in handcuffs. Miles opened his mouth but I beat him to it. "Say another word and I knock you out." He seemed to believe me because he instantly clammed up.

I couldn't help but look over at Fitz-Simmons. Fitz had returned to looking at the tabletop intently while not moving a muscle while Simmons was just staring at me with an unreadable expression on her face. I knew it had to be the hardest for them as they were probably the ones I was closest to on the Bus, but I hadn't expected this. My thought had honestly involved more lying than science. So I kept my distance and didn't say a word. Last thing I wanted was for them to throw me back in the Interrogation Room while all this was going on.

But then the something happened on the table and I knew we were back in business. " _Simmons… are the building's computers back online?_ " Coulson's voice asked through the room's speakers.

"Yes," she answered with a relieved smile, somewhat at the situation and somewhat at the finally broken silence.

" _Uncuff Miles. We're gonna need his help_." We all looked warily at the hacker, who raised his handcuffs with a smirk on his face. Simmons decided not to argue like she honestly should have and quickly freed Miles from the cuffs. I honestly envied him so much right now. " _Chan's going to overdose which will probably cause an explosion and we need to make sure no one in the rest of the building is hurt… including us if that wouldn't be too much trouble_."

Miles smirked and stepped up to the table with a quick wink at me. "If Blondie was in there it might be an issue, but in this case we'll see what I can do." He started typing rapidly as the building projected itself above the table, routing and shutting things off with a few strokes of his keys. It would be impressive if he wasn't such a jackass.

"You need to drive the blast into the main ventilation shaft," Simmons reminded him.

"Yeah, and up on the roof," Fitz continued. Miles continued typing away as I paced nervously in my corner of the room. Finally he stepped back with a large smile.

"I did it! I saved them! Whoo!" He threw a fist in the air triumphantly.

"Great," Simmons said with a winning smile which was followed by the sound of the cuffs being placed back on him. The woman could be sneaky when she wanted to be. And I wanted to hear the conversation that would follow as we waited for the others to get back, followed by the sounds and celebration of a triumphant mission tinted with a somber edge by the loss of Chan. It hadn't even really hit me that he was gone yet. Lydon had all but killed him with hat he had done. But I knew I wouldn't be wanted here for the moment. They had made their decision about me and I needed to honor it for the time being or else make things worse for myself. So I returned to the Interrogation Room without a word or notice, curling up into a ball in the corner as I just waited to learn what would become of me now that the mission was over.

I'd like to say that I wasn't selfish and that most of my tears were over the fact that we hadn't been able to save Chan. But I had promised I wouldn't lie anymore.

XXX

May came to collect me some hours after I locked myself back up, leading me to Coulson's office without a word. "Have you told Fury yet?" She didn't answer, merely depositing me at the door before leaving. I took a deep breath and stepped inside, finding Coulson standing in front of his desk. "I'm sorry we couldn't save Chan, sir."

"No, but Agent Kwan is currently with his family and planning to talk to S.H.I.E.L.D. about how Index Surveillance might be changed for the better. We also managed to save a Centipede scientist before Chan could harm her. We were able to strike earlier since we had the impression he would be volatile when we encountered him. She isn't talking, but we're hopeful we might be able to get some Intel." He looked at me, eyes locking on mine as I just waited with shallow breath for the verdict. "You were right about everything and two people are alive because of it."

"I-I didn't-"

"But we couldn't save Chan. There was nothing May or I could have said that would have changed his mind. And I can't stop myself from thinking… that if you were there it might have been different." I hadn't been expecting that, and I'm sure he could tell by my expression. "Because you said he felt no one was on his side and maybe that was true. But if you were in that room you would have been. And I think you might have found just the right thing to say. Maybe you didn't, but then I'd know for sure the situation was lost rather than having this doubt."

He took a few steps forward so he was right in front of me. "And these thoughts aren't because of your file. They're because of what you said to us today and how you've conducted yourself since boarding this Bus. We lost a man I think we could have saved today, and I'm not going to let that be the case again."

I felt his hands over mine and a moment later the cuffs fell away. My hands went to my chest, unconsciously rubbing my wrists. I had a feeling, but I didn't dare get my hopes too high. "Sir, does this mean-?"

"Miles Lydon left this Bus with everyone seeing what he really was. Skye will remain on this Bus as we continue to see and hope for what she will become. You are staying on a Bus as a full member of this team because of who you are, Ashleigh Crawford." And I couldn't stop myself from launching forward and hugging him tight, all my anxiety falling away as he patted me on the back. Having Coulson's trust still had been more than I could ever hope for. It meant the world to me really.

"I'm sorry I lied to you at all, Coulson. I'm so sorry it took me this long."

"You were following orders given to you by the highest authority and I imagine he didn't give you a lot of choices. But you still made one for the good of this team rather than yourself. There is nothing more I could want from you." I pulled away from him, heart and gut finally light as a feather as he smiled down at me. His hand went to my wrist, wrapping around the tattoo. "Your devotion to this team is clear from before there was a team." I gave a small huff, unsure what to say to that. So he kept going, taking a step back from me.

"I don't know what that means," he told me honestly. "But I'm going to help you figure it out. May think she can get some information from those close to Fury, and for now we're not going to tell him about your burst of honesty." That was one thing to call it. "We'll find out who you used to be together now. I know it's not an answer or promise but-"

"That's more than enough," I assured him. I looked towards the door. "I think I need to go talk to the team if that's okay. I think there are some things that need to be said."

"Sounds good," he agreed. "We'll have to have that tour when everything settles down." I nodded in agreement, giving my first real happy smile since this whole thing had occurred.

"Thank you, Coulson. Thank you for all of this. I won't let you down." He matched my smile with one of his own and I disappeared through the door, letting out the biggest sigh of relief with a hand on my heart. I got to keep my home. I got to keep my friends. I don't think anything could have worked out any better.

I ran back to my bunk, doing something I had never expected myself to be doing. I stood in front of the dresser- face smiling at myself in the mirror, removed the red sweater from my shoulders, and placed it back in the drawer before throwing on a button-up short sleeve shirt. There it was in plain sight for the world to see now; no longer able to hide under my sleeve no matter how hard I tried.

And I was perfectly okay with that.

Though it would suck if I went through all this trouble and our next mission was in Antarctica or something like that.

XXX

I needed to make sure everyone else was alright. I needed to clear the air of my revelation with everyone and make sure they weren't concerned about Coulson keeping me aboard. And I needed to do it sooner rather than later, despite it being quite late and being exhausted emotionally and physically. No one was asleep in the bunks around me, meaning it was actually probably the best time to just rip off the Band-Aid and do it. I would accept any feeling they had I promised myself. They were justified after the deception I had kept up. I braced myself for some prickly individuals

My first stop was May in the cockpit, taking my usual seat next to her. We didn't say a word for a few minutes, simply sat in one another's presence. I could tell she wasn't budging on her feeling and I wasn't budging on mine. But maybe that would be okay. So I swallowed my pride and spoke first. "Will we still have training tomorrow evening?"

There was a beat before she answered. "Nine o'clock. Every minute you're late you run a lap."

I nodded, springing to my feet. "Of course, May. I look forward it." And with that I left, knowing I needed nothing else from her. She clearly wasn't happy with me, but she also wasn't completely freezing me out either. There was hope we could continue to build things between us like we had been these past few weeks. Maybe one day she'd understand why I did it even. For now, I was completely content with where our relationship lay and dreading my face eating mat again after having a few day break.

I found Skye in the kitchen, metal band around her unbroken wrist. The moment she saw me we had that hug we both had needed for a long time. I noticed the metal band on her wrist and she told me it was the condition to her staying and having a chance. I held onto to her tight and she did the same thing right back before revealing she had prepared brownies. "I'm planning on making rounds and apologizing to everyone."

"I'm doing the same," I said between bites of one. They were amazing as could be expected.

"Why? You have nothing to apologize for like I do. I was actively working against everyone."

"I lied about being an Agent and put everyone in danger because of it," I countered.

"I don't see it like that," she shrugged. "You have no memories and don't know who you are. Of course you're going to go along with whatever gives you a purpose. You're going to listen to the guy who says you need to tell stories to stay in the only place you have." She started scrubbing at the dishes as I thought about that, not sure how she could sympathize with me so easily. "I'm going to look into it, who you are, when I get my privileges back that is."

I could hear how disappointed in herself she sounded. "He'll come around like he did with me, Skye. You'll earn his trust back because you want this more than anything. We both know you do. So you'll do the right thing." I stole another brownie and looked it over. "It's why I did what I did. And we're pretty similar when you actually think about it."

"I hope so," she answered with a sigh, the bracelet clearly weighing on her. "I'm glad I still have you though. Ward's barely even talking to me."

I devoured the brownie, rising with a smile. "Oh, he'll come around." Especially with Miles out of the picture for good now. "I'm going to go visit him now. Maybe that'll deflect some of the scorn and disappointment." I started for the kitchen but paused. "We should watch a movie tonight the two of us. Non-Agent party."

"Sounds like a great idea. We have a lot of things we need to show you after all."

Ward didn't project scorn or disappointment when I found him at the bar with a glass in his hand. He had been taking this whole thing strangely well and that only seemed to continue when I apologized to him and told him that he had been right to be suspicious of me after all. I thought telling him he was right would be a surefire way to help my case.

"You were following orders," were the first words out of his mouth. "It's what all of us would have done in the same position. It doesn't change a single thing I think about you honestly, Crawford. You're still as useful and flaky to us as you were before."

I crossed my arms in a dramatic fashion, noticing the hint of a smile on his face. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean, Ward?"

He took a sip of his drink. "It means I'm not surprised at all it only took you a month to crack."

"You'd better watch yourself," I warned him playfully. "You've seen how good a punch I can throw now… and that was wearing handcuffs."

"Miles Lydon was also pathetic enough a pretend Agent could do that much damage." His voice was a little harder now and it was clear he was thinking about Skye.

"Are you going to keep being her S.O.?" I asked bluntly. He answered back just as honestly.

"I don't know." I put a comforting hand on his shoulder for a brief moment, knowing Ward wasn't one for being touchy-feely in the slightest and respecting that.

"I'm sorry she hurt you, Ward."

"Yeah. Well it's a good thing I don't have feelings."

I took "We both know that isn't true." And with that, I left him to reflect on his situation and what he was going to do about Skye. I was placing my bets that he would last barely three days without talking to her before taking her back under his wing. Because I had been right. What he had said about himself wasn't true at all.

Somehow I felt this ordeal had actually made myself and Ward better friends and colleagues- which was really weird. Maybe it was my honesty when compared with the betrayal he felt from Skye or maybe he just didn't have the energy to have as much bitterness towards me. I would certainly take it I suppose.

My last stop was naturally the lab. After how everything had been working out I can honestly say I wasn't dreading it in the slightest. I had saved them for last because if I had faith in anyone still being able to stand me it was Fitz-Simmons. Now I felt all but certain of it.

They were both on opposite sides of the room in their own world. I made my way over to Simmons at her microscope first, tapping her gently on the shoulder. She looked up and was instantly all smiles like I expected, wrapping her arms around me.

"Oh, Ashleigh, I can't tell you how unbelievably glad I am that you're staying. Can you hold this?" She handed me a test tube and went back to looking under the microscope.

"Now I can see why," I couldn't help but comment as she took it from me only to hand me something else. "You would miss your human test tube rack. I'm more responsive than the metal one."

"You also have a larger attitude."

"Touche." She took the tube from me and mixed the two together. "I'm sorry Jemma… about keeping this whole thing a secret from you."

"Don't worry about it. I was in quite a great deal of shock at first, but then it actually logically started to add up when I considered your behaviors. Plus it doesn't change the person I've been spending all this time with. You're still you- attitude and all."

"Thank Simmons," I choked up a little despite myself, completely relieved at her saying this. "That means more than you know. I don't have anything outside of this Bus- that picture of us in Peru is the only real one I have- and the thought of losing you as a friend was one of the scariest I had."

"I can imagine. It was no problem really." She looked up and went over to her computer to make some notes about whatever it was she had just done. "And I fully plan on helping Coulson in his finding out who you are and how you acquired that tattoo. My idea was to take some samples and run them against our Missing Person database. You could have been out by yourself for quite a long while before everything happened. In fact, maybe right now-"

"I'm going to talk to Lee before you start poking and prodding me if that's alright. I need to say my good-bye's," I smirked.

"That's very funny. Clearly you must have been some sort of stand-up comedian," she retorted while waving me off. "But go ahead. I'll get everything ready once I'm done with this."

"Sounds good. Skye should be around with some brownies soon, just to let you know." Simmons gave a nod, showing me that she wasn't going to hold anything against the girl at all. So at least Skye would have the two of us going forward. "I'm worried she might be angry that Coulson's just kind of letting me off the hook."

"It's Skye. She's nothing but delighted for you that everything worked out in your favor."

"You're right," I instantly agreed. "Thanks for keeping my head on straight, Jemma."

"It's a rough job but someone has to do it."

With that, I made my way across the lab to where Fitz was typing away at his computer. I knew what the outcome of this one was going to be without a doubt, but I felt I still needed to go through the motions. I sat on the desk next to him like I had that very first day as he worked in silence. He probably was just so in the zone he hadn't heard me come over like usual.

"Hey, Lee," I greeted warmly with a small wave. Nothing. He must be working on something intense. "Lee. I just wanted to talk you about everything involving… me I guess."

There was a long pause and I went to speak again. "I'm kind of busy at the moment," came his reply without looking up and the ice in his voice instantly came across. I had never heard him talk to me like that before.

"Okay," I tried to keep calm despite my heartbeat getting a bit erratic. "I'll come back after Simmons-"

"I'll be busy for quite a while, actually." Well, it was clear the first sentence hadn't been my imagination.

"Are-are you mad at me?" I asked, completely thrown off. I had figured he might need a bit of time to come around, but I had always figured Fitz was a foregone conclusion. He was my closest friend here and had even stuck with me through the Ward thing. So I hadn't been expecting this kind of reaction at all.

"I'm just not in the mood to talk is all." All his sentences were short and clipped, devoid of any emotion or cadences I was used to from him. It was almost downright eerie.

"Lee, I'm sorry about what happened. I know I wasn't an Agent and that meant you trusted me in ways you wouldn't have otherwise-"

He let out a noise of disgust and I immediately was quieted, completely unsure what to do. "I'm-I'm sorry. What can I do to make it right with you?"

"You can start by leaving me alone. I'm working on something very important here and you're disturbing me." He hadn't even looked at me yet. I almost felt like bursting into tears. "So please take yourself and remove it from my vicinity."

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. "Lee-"

He finally looked up and his eyes were hard and cold as he just stared at me. "I said to go, Ashleigh. Take your tattoo and your stories and just go. I don't want to be around you right now, alright?" It gutted me-literally felt like someone was cutting me open. That weight that had been removed was back, but somehow it had been made even heavier. I had promised to respect whatever feelings they had though and I would not go back on that. He was legitimate in his anger because I had disappointed him, and if he felt about me like I did about him than it had been a very large betrayal indeed.

I wiped the tears from my eyes before they could fall, despairing at the fact that he didn't even seem to care I was upset. "Alright." I stood up and backed off, watching as he immediately returned to his work like I had never been there in the first place. And it was just too much-almost wanted me to take the whole confession back. I almost wanted to rewind time and just continue lying if it would spare me what had just happened. I didn't return to Simmons, instead leaving the lab altogether for my bunk, sobbing into my pillow. It hurt so much. It was worse than if Coulson had thrown me off the Bus because this was Fitz. And there was nothing I could do about it.

This was my Fitz and right now he absolutely hated me.


	13. Electricity

_Electricity_

Everything seemed to almost return to normalcy… except for the thing I wanted to the most. I still was learning how to fight with May with a minimal amount of dialogue between us, Skye and I still watched movies and had meals together, Simmons was puttering and working with me in the lab, Coulson gave me this amazing tour of his office, and Ward just was Ward. But Fitz… Fitz was an absolute brick wall that I crashed into day in and day out.

We could be in the same room- we were both adults, but he didn't say a single word to me in the almost week that stretched between missions. All Skye had to do was talk to him to have the slate wiped completely clean, but for some reason I created this deep well of anger in him that I honestly didn't understand. I mean, I tried to be respectful of his feelings like I had promised myself, but I didn't understand what I had done that made me deserve such scorn. He did his best to not even acknowledge my presence whenever I was around him which included looking right through me when I was in front of him to speak to someone and even reaching around me rather than asking me to hand him something. And it hurt an awful lot. But I tried to give him his space.

Both Jemma and Skye tried to talk to him. I didn't ask them to I swear. They just thought it had gone a little too far, especially with how quickly he let Skye back in and the unhappy mood that was quickly becoming the norm for me. Skye just came away from the conversation frustrated and ranting how he wouldn't even talk about the subject and was able to deflect her at every turn. I had assured her that was okay and that she had tried her best. Skye had been trying extra hard these days to seem useful to everybody in a desperate effort to prove herself and her trust. It wasn't necessary for any of us, but I think part of her was hoping Ward would notice. He was the only one who seemed to be holding her at bay, and like me with Fitz it was the one person who drove her craziest. I told her he'd come around and she just had to wait it out, but he was actually holding out longer than I expected. Maybe my anger readings were just really messed up.

Jemma at least got him to talk about it- though she couldn't tell me anything because it was in confidence. "He… he has his reasons, Ashleigh. And I'm convinced the only way this course will alter is if he's given the proper amount of space and time to sort out his feelings." Well, that was helpful. Thanks, Jemma for that useful bit of info that tells me absolutely nothing. But I had just nodded my head and promised I would try to do what he needed, especially because she seemed miserable that was all she could give me. That and her research into Missing Persons had turned up nothing. I hadn't been expecting it to though. I had done too good a job at making myself vanish.

After that conversation I stopped going to the lab at all- trying to give him this so-called space he needed. Fine. He could come to me when he was ready. I tried not to get angry back at him, but it got difficult no to get fed up with the whole ignoring my existence trick as the week wore on. May caught me hitting the punching bag a little harder than necessary one morning while Johnny Cash blared in my ears. He had become my favorite artist since Fitz and I had our Girl Talk Movie and Coulson had been kind enough to donate an old music player to me filled with all sorts of music for me to sift through and see if it rang a bell. So far nothing had, but I regularly alternated between a playlist of songs he had made for me and the Johnny Cash one that was my personal favorite. May had simply nodded at me and went about warming up on the other side of the mat with her daily yoga. She had stayed completely out of this whole thing, allowing us children to bicker amongst ourselves. So I kept swinging, trying to channel the anger I didn't want to have into something productive that could help me protect my team.

So, in short, the time that I should have spent in total happiness that I no longer had any secrets and was still a member of the team I needed was spent being depressed and slightly bitter about the actions of the person who had at one time been in my mind my closest friend. Life just never wanted to go my way, did it?

We were both interrupted from out musings by Ward coming in. All he had to do was nod for the both of us to stop what we were doing. "We're pretty close so Coulson's going to brief us on the ground. All I understood was something about an electrostatic anomaly." I pulled the headphones from my ears and started for the door only to stop with his hand on my shoulder. "Just so you know he's pretty miserable too." May brushed right past us for the cockpit where I intended to hide with her until we landed… after a shower of course. "I was just with him and I've never seen him so angry and combative in my life- almost physically fought with me over an ounce on the pistol. Just thought I'd let you know in case it makes you feel better."

I kindly shrugged him off, shaking my head. "It doesn't. I'd rather him be happy because then at least I know this was doing one of us some good." He just stared at me, almost confused at my words it seemed. He didn't understand how I could feel that way. "I'm sure your being miserable doesn't make Skye feel better." I hadn't given up on Ward and emotions- I mean obviously he had them. I just felt like he didn't understand them, especially some of the more complex ones. So I tried to be patient and help him along where I could. "If you don't like how Fitz is treating me, which seems to be the case, then do me a favor and don't do the same to her please." The nod was almost imperceptible but I saw it. "Thanks Ward."

I knew I was going to have to face him for the first time in a few days on this mission, but I promised myself to keep civil. This frustration needed to wash away with the shower for everyone's sake. So I threw on a short-sleeved turquoise blouse with a light grey jacket, a pair of jeans, and my classic sneakers before making my way to the cargo ramp. We had been even closer than I thought. I didn't even have time to throw my hair up as I had forgotten my ponytail back in the bunk, leaving my blonde hair to be thrown about mercilessly by the elements.

I jogged down the cargo ramp to find Coulson, May, Skye, and Ward waiting patiently. We seemed to be in some sort of preserve, trees all around us with a campsite just ahead. It was chilly but not enough that one was cold- it just kind of was refreshing to have the actual breeze on my skin after being cooped up for so long. I took a deep breath of the fresh air and couldn't help but smile.

Then Fitz-Simmons came down the ramp with their large suitcases, Fitz making a huge point of keeping himself focused on Coulson- who was directly on the other side of the group from me. And my blood boiled just a bit, but I tried to keep it under control as May had taught me. In fact, I decided to stick by her side since there was no one here for me to talk to at the moment, edging close to her and away from everyone else. I was worried she would say something, but she merely gave me a look that I understood these days to mean my actions were fine but I was still an idiot for coming clean. I got it a lot these days so I was really good at picking up on it.

We proceeded for the campsite, tension in the air between Skye and Ward as well. Other Agents were scouting the area as well and I managed to keep up the illusion to nod at them like I was their equal. None of them nodded back; too caught up in their work it seemed. "A troop was here when it happened," Coulson began as we came across the empty campsite. It was eerie- like a ghost town. Something had happened here- you could feel it in the air. "Troop leader's name was Adam Cross. Apparently, he heard something in the woods. Went to check it out." May started for the truck that must have been Cross's and I followed her diligently as the others fanned out as well. "That's where the electrostatic anomaly occurred."

"What I don't understand is," Fitz said from beside Coulson, "usually, they're created by a massive electrical storm-" I tried to ignore this was my first time hearing his voice in days and focus on the truck May was heading to which had a hole on its front suspiciously enough.

"But there wasn't a storm within a thousand miles of here last night," Simmons took the baton and finished the thought.

"This anomaly's different. It has a side-effect we've never seen before." With that, Coulson walked off to start investigating on his own. May threw open the trunk of the van and immediately seemed to notice something. I was not intimately familiar with the inside of a car these days so I just looked to her.

"The battery blew straight through the hood." Yeah, that didn't sound normal to even me. I was pretty sure cars didn't do that.

"Landed over here," Ward told us from across the camp where he and Skye were squatting. May had already made to follow Coulson where he had disappeared up a hill and I ran to keep up with her. "Hell of a force to create that kind of trajectory."

Coulson stood with Fitz-Simmons when I saw him. Adam Cross, who was obviously not alive judging by the fact he wasn't breathing, was simply floating in the air before us. There was no sign of any strings to make this a prank or an illusion- the man was simply defying the laws of nature and a dead body was airborne. Those poor kids. This really must have frightened the little ankle biters to see their leader like this when they were alone in the woods. It was freaking me out and I was a grown adult.

Fitz had already pulled the unfolding tablet out of his suitcase and was taking readings as Skye and Ward came up behind us. "So sad a man died this way," Simmons commented, putting black gloves on as we all watched the two of them work. "And yet, so amazing."

"Fitz-Simmons, any idea what could have caused an effect like this?" Coulson inquired, and the two of them launched into unintelligible gibberish to the rest of us as they talked over one another at their usual pace. Coulson clearly wasn't following and spoke for the rest of us when he tapped his fingers to his other palm. "Time. Let's try that again." He took a breath before speaking to the two. "Any idea what could cause an effect like this?"

"The hell if I know' Simmons admitted honestly at the same moment Fitz added, "Uh, no, no clue." Well, at least we all seemed to be on the same page. The fact that they didn't seem to know the answer thought unnerved me even more though. It looked like we weren't getting a straight answer in the near future at this rate. Who was this gentleman and how had he died?

Ward stepped next to Coulson, clearly having a Ward idea in his head. "Seems to me like we're dealing with a new high-tech weapon."

"Or a freak natural event," I felt the need to add; thankful no one seemed to write off my comment. Things were really okay for my being here and I couldn't lose that confidence now. "We need to know more about who the target was because at the moment I can't see why someone would want to use a weapon like this on a scout leader." Ward seemed to concede that point of me, nodding thoughtfully.

"Or could it be this happened because he was someone from you uber-secret index?" Skye joined in from behind May.

"There's no one on the index with this kind of power," May shot that one down.

"That we know of," Coulson added grimly, not throwing it out completely. "I'll contact Agent Blake at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, have him check it out. Whoever of whatever's responsible, we can't let this happen again." I couldn't help but nod in complete agreement. This looked like a horrible way to go.

"Fitz, see his forehead?" Simmons questioned with her usual science curiosity, making her way towards the body. Something like that just didn't sit right with me and I trusted my instinct to follow her while everyone hung back. "Look at the endothelial discoloration."

"Yeah," Fitz observed, "same dispersal pattern as the strike on the truck."

Simmons reached out to examine it more thoroughly, making all my hairs stand on end. I think she was taking her scientific curiosity a bit far for something we knew next to nothing about. She didn't even seem to notice I was next to her at this point. So my hand reached out stop her despite myself. "Could be an entry wound that cauterized immediately." My hand reached her shoulder just as she was leaning a little close towards the body for my comfort, just as a burst of what seemed to be static electricity hit me. One moment I felt a small zap and the next the body was falling to the ground as if the invisible strings holding it up had been cut. I reacted immediately, spinning Simmons away from it and covering her with my back to the body.

Nothing happened after the body hit the leaves though, just a moment of tense silence as everyone looked at us in worry. I pulled away from Simmons to see the both of us appeared to be completely fine and thankfully on the ground. I edged away from the body, regretting having been that close to it to begin with if there didn't seem to be any imminent danger. The slight zap to my fingers left me shaking them out as Simmons just smiled at me. It was almost like the shock had traveled through her to me which seemed really odd for the little I knew about science. "It seems the two of us discharged whatever energy was left in the body with our proximity. It should be fine- just a small shock." She turned to address everyone else, showing them she was fine. "Freaky," she told Fitz with wide, curious eyes.

"Freaaaaky," he agreed as he typed away on his tablet. Everyone else seemed to let out a breath that nothing had gone horribly wrong, including me. They all started to disperse and go their spate ways once again, leaving me and Fitz-Simmons with the body.

"Did you feel that?" I asked Simmons, examining my hand to see that luckily I hadn't been burned. It still stung though.

She nodded. "A little bit, but I thought my clothing and gloves were adequate to protect me from any sort of discharge. Hence why I thought it was safe to approach the body." Great. I could sense what was in that tone. She thought that I had thought she was an idiot and had tried to stop her. I had stepped on her toes in the one area it was proven I didn't have close to a clue in.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to- something just didn't feel right about the situation so I… acted I guess."

"I appreciate the concern and the attempt to save my non-threatened life," she told me sincerely as she went to look at the body again. "But when it comes to science I can assure you I know what I'm doing. Instincts are good, but we deal with cold hard fact that we've been trained in. Don't feel like you always have to run in and save us- you might just end up getting hurt when you don't have to." It stung a little, but she was right. I had been a little too hasty to rush in there. Everyone had trusted her, including her best friend, so I should have to.

"Lesson learned," I agreed. "I think I'm going to head away from the body and back by the others if you're all good here." She didn't even seem to notice that I had commented, so I turned and readied myself to head back in the general direction of the Bus.

He was right in front of me, making his way toward his partner in science. He gave me the smallest, the most cursory of glances before stepping around me and it made my blood boil. This was just being a child now. My mind told me to be the bigger person and keep walking, keep the distance and let him come around like I had planned. Remember my training and keep those emotions under control. But I couldn't help but resort to being a child as well, flipping off his back so he didn't see before continuing my walk down the hill.

I hate to say it, but it felt really good.

XXX

" _I hear the train a comin_ '" Punch " _It's rolling round the bend_ " Kick. " _And I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when"_ Jab. Jab. " _I'm stuck in Folsom Prison and time keeps dragging on_ " Uppercut. Jab Punch.

"Crawford!" I heard from behind me, and I whirled around while yanking one of my ear buds out. Coulson stood there with a bemused expression as he took in the boxing gloves I had on my hands and the punching bag suspended on a chain. I had come back here once we got back on the Bus to let off some steam, but only after Skye and May had assured me that my help wasn't necessary on any front for the moment. I hadn't even bothered checking in the lab.

I removed the gloves from my hands only to see how red and bruised they were. "Sorry sir. I got in a bit of a zone, I guess." He tossed me a bag of ice and I thankfully held my knuckle against it. "I might have gotten carried away. How long have I been-"

"A few hours." Oh wow. I had no idea. "Skye finished her digging through information on Cross and is ready to present it. I thought you'd like to join us." I nodded in agreement, looking down and realizing I had basically sweated through the clothes I had chosen for today. I hadn't even changed before coming down here- just grabbing my music player and then swinging. My hair must have been a mess. I started with him towards the Briefing Room, catching my breath only to have him hand me a water bottle that I practically chugged. "I'm surprised you didn't join May for her interrogation."

They had been calling some of the boys who had been hesitant to talk about the incident. We had wanted every piece of information on the scene that we could- especially if one of the kids had maybe seen someone and had been hesitant to speak up. May had offered to take that task, citing that she did excellently with children. I'd even seen her in the kitchen making cookies which was honestly kind of trippy. "I figured she had it handled- my part is to be played by a plate of fresh cookies I suppose. I don't want to step on her toes too much, especially after how I doubted Simmons this morning and kind of upset her."

"You were following your instincts," he seemed to be reminding me. "And they're very good so you should trust them. Don't let the fact that the team knows the truth cause them to maybe unintentionally shrink your role and usefulness. You have a part here and I for one fully expect you to play it if we want to be successful."

It was like what I had been trying to get out all afternoon had melted away at a few words. I don't know how he managed to do it really. Next time skip physical exertion and go right to him. "Thanks, sir. I think I needed that pep talk."

"Of course. It's been a rough few days around here for you… mainly due to Agent Fitz." I looked down at that, playing with the ice bag still on my knuckles. "Do I need to step in-"

"No," I insisted immediately. "It's rough and I sometimes think he's just being an ass at this point, but I promised to respect his feelings. It's hard but I'm trying. We can sort this out ourselves… and we will. You have a lot of bigger things to worry about so let us handle our own little squabbles."

"Alright," he agreed. "Let me know if it becomes an issue though. We can't have you keep tearing up your hands and walking around with a frown on your face over a relationship with a member of your team. It should be the job that gives you the headache and the team that is a relief, not the other way around."

"I know, sir, but don't feel like you need to take extra personal investment in me either. Skye's having similar difficulties as well with Ward. I know now I may seem like a poor girl trapped in a world I don't remember, but I think I'm doing alright in making my way through it."

"Of course I'm taking a personal investment in you," he countered, facing me. "You're a member of my team and I need to make sure you're alright." I gave him a genuine smile, so glad to have a guy like this looking out for me, and he let go only after giving my shoulder a squeeze that somehow made me smile even more. I could always count on Coulson.

Ward was waiting for us and the three of us stood in front of Skye and the table in the Briefing Room. Skye had pulled up a variety of pictures and files on Cross it seemed, displaying them to us on the table to look over. Nothing seemed to jump out at me at first glance though as I crossed my arms and waited for her to begin.

"You found us some information on Cross?" I began before Coulson could, wanting to begin by showing her that I was here and on her side.

"A lot of information actually," she corrected. "But you already knew that thanks to my fancy S.H.I.E.L.D. house-arrest gizmo tracking my every key swipe, my online activity, my cholesterol." She shook the hand with the bracelet a bit, self-depreciating smile on her face. I know she had been at war with the thing these past few days and the fact that she wasn't fully trusted any longer. But she was trying to roll with the punches as best she could for the moment- with her typical sense of humor of course. Ward didn't seem too enthused though, staring at her pretty harshly. "Just wish it came in another color… or came off."

"The victim," Ward reminded her, causing me to cough loudly. He shot me a look but I just held it before he turned back with a sigh. "Please."

This seemed to give her a bit of extra confidence as she went into her findings. "Adam Cross… single, no kids, originally from Wrigley, Pennsylvania- not far from here." It all seemed to match up and be completely unsuspecting for the moment.

"Been there," Coulson added with a fond smile. "They have a nice little strawberry festival in the spring. Occupation?"

"Phys-ed teacher at the local high school and Varsity baseball coach and troop leader and volunteer firefighter," she rattled off, each more impressive than the last. My gut told me this was a pretty stand-up guy and not who we were looking for in this case. It was someone around him, not Cross himself. "This guy makes Captain America look like 'the dude'." She waited with a chuckle to herself, I think for us to laugh, but I know I just stared at her blankly. I think the others did the same based on her reaction to the group of us. "'The Big Lebowski.'" Still had nothing. It must have been a reference of some kind. I was behind on those. "Seriously? Ashleigh at least has the excuse of her entire memory being thrown in the trash, but you two-"

Ward decided to get things back on track. "What about a criminal record, restraining order, something that might give us a suspect?" Skye seemed a little shaken at being cut off, but regained her composure and changed the screen to show conversations Cross had online with others.

"Nada… not even a parking ticket. I skimmed all his posts, anyone linked to his pages, hoping for a crazy ex or super powered stalker and he's clean."

"Everybody looks clean their first go-around," Ward said through a glare, but he managed to dodge the elbow I tried to throw at him this time. I turned to him to say something when Coulson cut in.

"Ward's right." My words died right on my lips and don't think I missed the smirk that appeared on his face. "We're missing something. Dig deeper." Skye nodded and headed out of the room to where her laptop must have been set up, but not before receiving a smile from me as she left. The three of us stood for a moment as Coulson continued to look over the information. "You've been pretty tough on her."

"Thank you!" I couldn't help but join this conversation that really should have been between the two of them I admit. "I've been telling him that for close to a week now."

"The two of you seem to forget that she lied to us… contacted the Rising Tide while we were on mission."

"I lied too, Ward," I felt the need to remind him, willing to drag my name through the mud a bit for my friend.

"But you came clean by your own admission and earned that trust right back. If she wants the same thing she's got to earn it."

"The background she ran on Cross is a good start," Coulson seemed to be advising him to let up a bit. "Put it up on the server, Ward. I want May to have a look when she's done with her interrogation. Crawford, the two of us can head down to the lab to check on progress there." I nodded and followed him out of the room towards the back entrance of the lab. "See, it's not just your fight I'm personally invested in."

I couldn't help but snort at what was clearly meant as a joke. I could tell he was trying to keep me from thinking about going into the lab, which I was both aware of and perfectly fine with. "You sure did prove me wrong, sir." The two of us entered the lab to find Jemma in full science mode which meant the tablet and the goggles. My eyes couldn't help but find the body immediately, trying to calm my stomach from starting a revolt at it as it lay upon a familiar metal table I sat on days before.

"Excellent timing, sir. Hello Ashleigh," she greeted us, leading us closer to the body to my reluctance. "I've been analyzing sagittal and coronal images of the victim's brain."

"What's Fitz doing out there?" Coulson asked, and I looked up to see Fitz on the other side of the lab door at a table in the cargo bay. He looked up at the mention of his name, ignoring me naturally in favor of Coulson.

"He detected a strange energy coming off the body," Jemma tried to cover, obviously lying,

"He's afraid of it," I corrected her, knowing the squeamishness I had now must have been even greater in him from past experiences. I looked past her to try and make eye contact with him, which seemed to wind him up a bit.

"It's the smell!" I rolled my eyes, knowing that one wasn't true either.

"There's no shame in it, Fitz," Simmons turned to address him comfortingly, getting between the two of quite purposefully I think. "It's perfectly natural to be afraid."

The look he gave her meant we were in for a heated Fitz-Simmons conversation. "We'd better prepare ourselves, sir," I told Coulson. "It's going to be a minute."

"No. The only thing I'm afraid of is putrid, decaying flesh corrupting my pristine workspace." Simmons let out a small groan and though her back was to us I'm positive she rolled her eyes pretty hard. "Do you remember the last time you brought a dead thing into the lab?"

"Oh, not the stupid cat again," Simmons argued. I was listening to all this quite curious to learn about a Fitz-Simmons history moment they hadn't argued over yet. Coulson seemed to be losing his patience beside me though, especially when they started speaking over one another with Simmons talking about it being their lab and Fitz just pushing for us to be told the saga of the cat which involved a liver next to his lunch. If she got between Fitz and his lunch this situation must have been quite the scarring one.

"Guys!" Coulson cut in, ending their argument, clearly exasperated that they were choosing now to do this. "Can we please…?"

"Yes, sir," Jemma turned back to us, tapping at the tablet. Fitz went back to his work, but not before staring at me for a long moment in a way that cut right through me. I tried to focus back in though, knowing Coulson was counting on me. "Um, as I was saying, this is the victim's brain." We turned to the screen in the lab where the brain looked as if it had been charred.

"Looks like a burnt baked potato," Coulson quipped as the two of us turned back to Simmons.

"That's what happens when it's hit with close to 2,000 mega joules of electrostatic energy. That's almost double the power of a lightning bolt." Okay. So we were talking about something really powerful then. It looked like eye witness accounts weren't exaggerating about the blast.

"Kid's clean," May reported as she entered the lab from the back, coming right up to the table without a shred of fear. I envied her greatly. "You figure out why the body was floating?"

"Not yet," Simmons admitted. "The molecular density of the victim was temporarily altered by an unknown energy source." Maybe I was spending too much time here because I was actually following this time around. I had come quite the ways in my understanding of science. "I'm hoping to shed some light on its effects one I extract a brain-tissue sample." There was the shiver going up my spine. Just don't form any mental images. Don't do it. Don't do it.

"It's happening again!" Fitz suddenly interrupted my thoughts, rising from his chair in the cargo bay.

"It's science, Fitz!" Jemma shot back, clearly fed up. "I have to dissect something."

Fitz came right up to the glass and held up his tablet. "No, the satellite's picking up another electrostatic event not 20 kilometers from here." May and Coulson didn't even hesitate, making their way to head straight for one of our cars. I immediately set out through the back door to grab Skye, knowing we would need her to find out exactly what they were walking into.

I found her digging through her information on Cross at her laptop in the living room. She looked up as I knocked on the frame of the door, gritting my teeth as it sent a bit of pain through my knuckles. "We need you in the lab. There's another event." She instantly shut her laptop wordlessly and followed me back, taking up residence at one of the tables on her laptop while I hovered at her side. Fitz-Simmons had pulled up the image from his tablet on their larger screen and it looked like a vehicle was already missing.

"I think it might be getting a bit, uh, crowded in here for this," Fitz spoke as he scratched at his neck, trying to seem causal. "Someone should go check on Ward."

"Ward went with May and Coulson and you know that. Seriously, Fitz?" Jemma chastised him. "Now?"

"I'm just saying it's not like she's doing anything useful." I had to literally bit my tongue to keep from saying something I didn't want to. It was so hard. I just kept my eyes focused on Skye and her computer, refusing to give in. He wasn't going to break me.

"Fitz, leave her alone," Skye came to my aid as well. "Just give me the coordinates of the event." Both of them seemed to have worn him down as he gave them to her without another word, returning to his part of the work. "I'm sorry," I heard Skye whisper form next to me and it was only then I became aware of how hard I was biting my lip. I just shook my head and gestured for her to keep going, watching as words flew across the screen.

" _Fitz, what's the latest reading?"_ Coulson's voice came through the speakers a few minutes later.

"We're at 324 mega joules and growing stronger… dangerous territory, sir."

"There's a farmhouse a mile north of you," Skye informed him. "Right at the center of the signal. That's got to be it."

" _Skye, dig up everything you can on whoever lives at that farm._ " She was already on it, hands flying furiously once again. " _We need to know who we're dealing with._ "

Just then a beep sounded through the room. "Hold on, now," Fitz said a bit frantically. "What just happened? Um, it's gone." I looked over to the screen, seeing the red had indeed vanished.

" _What's gone?"_

"The electrostatic signal… it seemed to pulse, then disappear." Yeah, now I was lost. I had been holding out so well with the science but it was only bound to be a matter of time. I watched as the dot signifying the car then went off road before coming to a halt at where the center had once been.

"Be careful," I whispered under my breath as I watched the still blinking dot, suddenly wishing I was with them. At least then I'd be away from the dead body which would be a plus. Whoever couldn't have gotten far.

I almost let out a breath when Coulson came back over the speaker again. " _Skye, we need real-time SAT surveillance on this area right now_." Whatever they were looking for wasn't there.

"Hang on," Skye said from her laptop. "I think I found something you might want to see first. Sending it over now." The clack of the keys continued as I made my way over to see a picture of four men in front of a fire truck- one of them certainly being Cross. A label came on another with the tag Frank Whalen. "The guy who owns the farm's name is Frank Whalen. He's a volunteer firefighter at the same station house as our first victim, Adam Cross."

"The two victims were friends," I realized as I stared at the picture, pieces starting to click into place. It left a hell of a lot of questions still though. I wiped a hand over my forehead, realizing I had even worked up a bit of a sweat over it.

"They were both responders when the aliens crashed New York." She paused and the turned to me. "Last year-"

"I read about it," I stopped her kindly. "I'm good. Continue."

" _Two victims from the firehouse found in the same weird way_ ," Ward said thoughtfully, trying to connect things as I'm sure we all were.

"We're looking for a killer," Skye said what everyone else was afraid to. There was a long pause before Coulson spoke again.

" _Fitz-Simmons, come here with Skye to look over the scene. Find whatever information you can. The three of us will head to the firehouse and see what we can find there._ "

"I'm coming with you," I spoke up. "I can jump cars when we cross paths. If we're going to talk to the firefighters I want to be there."

" _Agreed_ ," Coulson said without hesitation, earning an exhale from me. My heart was beating pretty fast but I should have known there was no reason to get worked up. " _We'll see you when we cross paths._ "

It only took a few minutes for Fitz-Simmons to load up their supplies and Skye to grab her laptop case and cords. I took those few minutes to throw on some clean clothes and try to appear presentable, though I still left my hair down. Soon we were loaded up into one of the cars, Simmons taking the wheel once they all silently remembered I wouldn't be able to. We sped along in a very tense, awkward silence created entirely by myself and Fitz just folding our arms and staring out our respective windows with a grimace. If he wasn't offering anything, then I sure the hell wasn't. Besides, I was starting to feel pretty tired- probably from all the punching I had been doing earlier.

We soon came across their car and both pulled to a stop as I climbed out and took a seat next to Ward in the back, both of them setting out in their opposite directions once again. This car was equally silent, but this time I felt it was out of sheer focus to the mission which made the whole thing a lot less uncomfortable. I settled into my seat and just watched the scenery go by as it started to get dark outside, unable to will my mind to think about the mission too much. I clearly needed some sleep.

We had just about reached the firehouse when Coulson called Skye. "What did you find out about the firehouse?"

" _It turns out they sent an engine to New York with a dozen volunteers after the Chitauri invasion, including Cross and Whale. Maybe it has something to do with why they were targeted?"_

"Or how they were killed," Ward was clearly thinking ahead. I honestly felt a little out of my league. The others had seen New York, outside Coulson I guess, in all its destruction. I had only read a few notes in a file. It somehow paled in comparison.

" _You mean like… an alien weapon?"_

"We don't know that," Coulson was quick to remind us before our thought strayed too much. "Let's just make sure we get to those firefighters before anyone else does."

We pulled in a few minutes later, climbing out and heading over to where four guys were around a table having what must have been their dinner. I tried to give them a warm open smile, hiding the fact that I was looking for one that might be a possible murderer.

"Evening, gentleman," Coulson began, and I waved at them all. They seemed to relax at that as Coulson showed his badge. "Agent Phil Coulson with S.H.I.E.L.D."

"We were with you in New York," I added warmly. "Agent Crawford," I also contributed, flashing a pretend badge.

"Right. S.H.I.E.L.D." It was the older guy, the one standing who spoke first. "What can we do for you?" he asked pleasantly, though a little guarded as was to be expected.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions," he nodded towards me and then to Ward and May, "take a look around." The two of them set off on their own to just that as the firefighters looked on, still a little wary. I went to say something funny to try and put them more at ease when another larger man entered, sweating up a storm.

"Hey guys," he took us in. "What's, uh… what's going on?" Coulson looked to me and gave a small nod. I stepped forward, hands on the table.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this gentleman, sincerely. I'm so sorry. But we just came from where we discovered the body of your co-worker Frank Whalen." They all seemed to be taken aback by this, reacting as one expected they would- anger and grief all rushing at me.

"What do you mean?" the sweaty one asked. I needed to learn his name quickly or that was going to stick. "Frankie's dead?" All I could do was nod, making sure to meet the eyes of everyone there to express how bad I felt for them. I couldn't picture losing a brother in arms and I knew it was about to get even worse for them. "You know how it happened?"

"The same way your other friend, Mr. Cross, died the day before," Coulson came up next to me, knowing it was time to move past sympathy to information. Hopefully I had warmed them up though.

"Which was how, exactly?" Sweating Man pushed, setting off warning alarms in my brain.

"I'm sorry," Coulson addressed him directly. "Your name is…?"

"Tony," he spoke, seeming to sweat even more. "Tony Diaz."

"Mr. Diaz, are you feeling alright?" I asked, noting how he seemed to shrink at the question.

"I'm actually not feeling so hot," he admitted, edging back down the hallway he had appeared from. Coulson made his way around the table and I was right on his heels, knowing he wanted me right behind him in case anything happened. I indicated for the others to stay put.

"Ward, cover the back door," Coulson made him aware of the situation. "Nobody comes in or out."

We followed Diaz back into the kitchen of the firehouse where Diaz was looking around perplexed. "That humming noise… you hear that?" He seemed to be quite out of it and it was starting to really worry me. My heart was beating faster again and something told me this whole thing wasn't right. We needed to get away from him.

"No. I don't," Coulson tried to keep things calm. "Were you in New York with Mr. Cross and Mr. Whalen after the Chitauri invasion?"

He just continued to look around. "Come on. You don't hear that?" He sighed. "It's driving me nuts."

"Mr. Diaz," I tried. "Just talk to us. What-?"

Then the pan behind him started floating and the air in the entire room seemed to shift. I was instantly behind Coulson as he needed me to be while he pulled out his gun and aimed it right at Diaz. I had to remove my getting hurt from the equation so he could do this if he needed to. Meanwhile, I had to get the most out of him before he did something.

"Whatever you're doing, make it stop," Coulson ordered sharply for both our sakes. Diaz put both his hands in the air, thankfully not looking like he was going to attack. I was still on my guard though.

"I-I'm not doing anything!"

"Where's the weapon?" Coulson ordered.

"The what?" He seemed to be genuinely confused which was odd. Maybe he was out of it a bit.

" _Coulson, I found it,_ " May came over the comm. " _It's a Chitauri helmet._ "

"What are you doing with the helmet?" Coulson changed tracks, gun still pointed threateningly at Diaz.

"What, the… the alien thing? I-it's a souvenir." He then seemed to notice the pan and it dropped to the floor the moment he did. "Aah! Not again!"

"Tony," I tried gently, hopeful I could get through to him in this state. "What happened with the helmet?"

"The first time anyone's touched it since New York was a couple nights ago," he answered, hands still in the air and even more terrified than before.

"Why?" Coulson demanded.

"It had rust all over it. We were cleaning it." My gut told me he had to be telling the truth. The guy was literally shaking right now and confused beyond belief.

" _That wasn't rust_ ," Simmons voice cut through our exchange. " _May, don't' touch it! Sir, he's not using a weapon… he's infected. I think the helmet was the source of an alien virus._ "

A moment later, I heard Ward and May come up behind us followed by the rest of the firefighters. Diaz was still frantic across from us as he faced down the gun. "All we did was clean it… I swear. Me, Frankie, and Adam… we… we were bored on the third shift, so… so we decided to clean it." Then the realization started to hit him just as my stomach completely sunk for the poor man. "Adam and Frankie…"

"Mr. Diaz, I'm putting the gun away now, okay?" Coulson told him before he slowly did so, my hands going to my mouth. Tony had the virus too. What happened to them was about to happen here… and there was nothing we could do about it.

" _Sir, he's at 600 mega joules and climbing._ " No one moved. " _Sir?_ "

He turned and went to May and Ward. "Clear everybody out," he ordered low and calm. "Clear everybody out… now." They instantly heeded him and scrambled down the hallway with the firefighters. He turned to me but I clenched the counter tight.

"I'm not leaving him. And I'm-I'm not leaving you." Coulson seemed to accept this, shutting the door slowly leaving just the three of us.

"I-I'm gonna wind up like them, aren't I?" Diaz asked, clearly scared out of his wits. I could only look at him sympathetically.

"Why don't you have a seat?" Coulson offered, taking one himself after Diaz did. I hovered just behind, hands clasped tightly together. "You have any family… wife, kids?" Diaz shook his head, obviously having trouble grappling with all of this. "Is there anyone you want to talk to?"

"Is there anything we can do for you?" I added, holding back tears to appear strong. No one deserved what was about to happen to him. No one.

" _Sir, you have to get out of there right now!"_ Fitz shouted into our ears. " _He's going to-_ "

Coulson and I both pulled them out at the same time, him setting it on the table while I held it in my hand. I didn't know what to say really. What do you say to someone going through this? "Listento me," Coulson spoke soft and strong. "I've been where you are right now. So please believe me when I tell you you don't have to be afraid."

"What are you… what are you talking about?" Diaz asked, and it even took me a minute to realize what he was speaking of.

"Your job… gets pretty dangerous, doesn't it?" The smallest of nods. "Mine too. I got hurt once… pretty bad. And I… I died." My chest clenched at the words and I had to remind myself it was okay. He was right here. I let Coulson continued, so wrapped in his words myself I couldn't dream of interrupting him. "Some say it was only for eight seconds, but I know it was more than that. I know I wasn't here anymore. I was there."

"What's it like?" Diaz asked so quietly I almost missed it.

"It's beautiful." A moment later, electricity sparked in Diaz's hands and I knew it was almost time.

"You two had better get going," he told us, but we both couldn't seem to move. "Go." Coulson rose and gestured for the door, guiding me towards the door slowly with a hand hovering just behind my back. I looked back one last time and blew Diaz a kiss. He closed his wet eyes as soon as I did like that was the last thing he wanted to see. We quickly exited the firehouse, Coulson always right behind me as if to prevent me from running back in. Because I wanted to. And I think needing to get me out kept him from running back which he clearly wanted to do as well.

The door slid closed behind us as we exited to where everyone else was waiting. We fell in line with them, my heart sinking like a stone as the entire building soon crackled with electricity before going out. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes with my hand, for the first time actually missing the functionality of my long sleeves. Three. We had lost three men to this and in that moment I vowed we weren't going to lose any more. I bargained with the devil in that way, saying they'd just have to take me first.

I went back to the room where Diaz's body was floating in the air, eyes closed and thankfully looking at peace. I wanted to be there with him until they came to take him, spending pretty much the whole night just sitting at the table watching him. Coulson had stopped in between his calls but I assured him I was alright- just doing something I thought I needed to do. I might have even dozed off for a bit between thoughts. Hopefully he was with his other two friends now in that place Coulson had talked about- together past the end.

I heard someone and turned to see Fitz enter the kitchen followed by all sorts of Agents in white suits that covered them from head to toe. And looking at him after everything I'd just been through… my anger was gone. I couldn't do it anymore when life could be as fleeting as his was. I needed to make things right with him right now. I needed my friend back because I was going to lose my mind without him. This was my Lee and I needed him desperately.

"We're heading out," he spoke before I could, sounding like he was talking to a piece of cardboard rather than a human being- rather than his Ash. "The other firefighters are going into quarantine until Jemma finds a cure- which she will."

"I know she will," I agreed, trying to find some common ground. "Fitz-"

"We also have the helmet. We're taking it to Sandbox, which us actual S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent know to be-"

And just like that I was pissed again. It was like a switch flipping, his irritation quickly becoming mine as sentimentality faded and I remembered just how fed up I was.

"I know what it is," I tried to be polite. "I read a lot about it when I was studying." I gave Tony one last glance and watery smile before turning back to Fitz. "I'm coming." I started towards him as the other Agents filed past, noticing the device in his hand. "Coulson said you need to scan us-"

"He's fine so I imagine you are too," he said before taking off down the hallway, getting away from me as quickly as humanly possible. I merely grumbled to myself before following him, climbing into the car Ward was now driving with May and Skye, arms crossed. I kept my eyes on the fire station for as long as it was within seeing distance before leaning my head against the window as the sun started to peek over the horizon and sighing as I nursed a headache that was coming on.

This whole day had left me feeling awful in every respect really.

XXX

I took a short nap as soon as we were back on the Bus, an hour or two at the most. I still didn't feel quite like myself when I woke up though. I clearly needed a lot more sleep but I couldn't afford to have it just now. I instead freshened up a bit before finding Skye working in the kitchen- pancakes there as if she was psychic. I thanked her with a smile and grabbed a few. "Where's Coulson?"

"He's in the lab. Simmons found something." I nodded and started that way through the living room with a wave, grinding to a halt as I saw Fitz there, pancakes on the table beside him as he worked away on his tablet.

"That body must really be starting to smell," I quipped, earning a withering glance from him. He then went back to his tablet without a word, and I don't know how to explain what happened next. I felt awful already and this just seemed to be the nail in the coffin. It was like with that one gesture something snapped deep inside me. My brain started screaming my mantra of time and space to me, but my heart was done just lying down so he could step over it.

"What the hell is your problem?!" I shouted louder than I expected, causing him to look up almost in fear. And then I couldn't stop. "I lied to you! I get it! I'm sorry! But that doesn't give you the right to treat me like less than a member of this team!"

He slowly rose to his feet, my anger fueling his as he finally looked at me for the first time. "You aren't a real member of this team."

Nope. He wasn't evading that easily. "Neither was Skye, but you still forgave her with one apology!" She seemed to have the sense to stay in the kitchen, despite the fact she could obviously hear us. Maybe she had made a run for her bunk."

"Skye was different," he insisted.

"Why?! Because you have a teenage crush on her?!" I was literally red now, hands clenched at my sides. I could almost hear a buzzing building in my brain I was so furious.

"Because she didn't lie to me about the very moment that made us close friends!" he shot back, now at my intensity. Wait, what? "You lied about being an Agent because Fury ordered you too," he took it down a notch, though still in a tone that I didn't dare interrupt. "You have no memory and a tattoo. That's fine. Like the rest I don't care. You worked your way out of a tough situation how you saw fit. But you having no memory means you were lying to me that entire story about your parents." Oh my God. How had I forgotten that? Oh no.

He seemed to see my recognition. "Yeah, the story about how you became an Agent and made the tough choice to stick around- the moment that made me respect you and consider you to be a close friend because you trusted me that much with that. The moment we became Ash and Lee. Imagine my disappointment upon learning it wasn't real."

"It was," I insisted, trying to hold my ground. He had put me through too much to just give in now. "The meaning behind what I said-"

"It wasn't real," he said again. "So how am I to know if any of it was real or if it was all part of you trying to follow that tattoo? Is that why you tried to save me after Peru from those guys? Because the tattoo told you too. Is our whole friendship you playing me because of some bloody scribbles on your wrist?!"

And there is was all out in the open. He didn't think I really cared about him. There's the way the conversation should have went from here and the way it did go. I should have understood what he was saying and how deeply he was hurt. I would even take a moment to process it. Then I would have told him that I was sorry for what had put him through, that he was my best friend and of course that was real. He was the only person I could turn to and I'm sorry I hadn't trusted him. And he may not have forgiven me right away but our relationship would have started to repair with the hopes we could one day be what we were before- Ash and Lee.

Instead I let my anger over the past week drive me. I almost felt my hands burn I was clenching them so tight. "Then why didn't you just tell me all this so we could fix it rather than ignoring me and acting like I wasn't even worthy of you looking at when I was once upon a time one of your closest friends!" I lashed out. His eyes went wide and he took a step back, but I was on a roll. "Do you even know what this last week had been like for me?! I've been-"

Crash! I snapped out of my rage and whirled around to see the television had seemingly fallen to the floor… a solid distance from the cabinet it had been…

It all crashed into me as I realized things I hadn't noticed while I had been shouting. I was sweating up a storm through my clothes despite not moving for the past few minutes. The burn in my hands… it was more like shocks when I took stock of it. I felt miserable inside and out. The television had just floated. And Fitz was looking at me like I had grown a third head.

"I'm infected," I managed to put to words. My head was reeling as I tried to grapple with what was happening. "I have the virus. I have the virus and I'm going to… I have the virus. But you said Coulson was clean?" He nodded, still almost in shock. "So I didn't get it from Tony. I- Cross. When Simmons and I were by Cross. The body shocked us and then fell."

I know I should have been grappling with my own mortality at the moment, but I could only think of one person right now. "Simmons," I said again before sprinting towards the back entrance for the lab. She had to be okay. Maybe I had got the brunt of it and she was fine. She had to be fine.

I came running into the lab to see Simmons staring at the floor where a metal tool was sitting- a metal tool that I knew needed to be kept sterile on its tray. And I knew that look in her eye because it was probably the same one my eyes held right now. She turned to me and a thousand silent words seemed to pass between us.

I took a deep shuddering breath, realizing how difficult it was to do. We were both infected and somewhere over the ocean right now. We would go off and possibly take the entire Bus down when we did. Simmons was the only hope for a vaccine and she was sick too. Which meant I needed to get her through this. I needed to keep her calm and focused because a lot of people were counting on her… including me. But I was last on the list of priorities- she was first.

Coulson was behind the closed lab doors and I managed to meet his eyes, seeing the apology within them. I just took another shuddering breath and gave him a look of ferocity, showing him I wasn't letting the two of us go down without a hell of a fight. He didn't smile, but there was a fond twinkle in his eye at that.

"Simmons! Simmons!" I turned around and closed the other lab door before he could reach it, shaking my head at him once he was within view. He took a few steps back and immediately retreated, running to go around the long way so he could see his best friend.

I turned back to Jemma, realizing there was a buzzing in my ear. "We're going to be okay," I assured her, trying to keep the whole situation calm and cheer her on. I wanted to hug her and just hold onto her for a minute but I knew there wasn't time for that. We needed to get to work.

Because time was something we didn't have a lot of right now.

XXX

 _So, this is my favorite episode. Agents was good, but this is the episode that hooked me in for the long haul and made Fitz officially take the crown as my favorite character for eternity. I hope to do it justice and have really been looking forward to diving into it, especially the back half when two people are in danger now._

 _This story just continues to grow and I cannot thank you enough for that. Thank you for making this so fun and for accepting what I call CrawFitz so readily and hugely. It means the world._

 _Thank you to the new recruits of the team for following and joining our adventures: Olivia and oreos, myharlequinromance321, Katelandier, , WhiteRabbit1231, LilyHiddleston96, RogueAngel36, TheDuckKnight (which win best name so far and I bow to you), kklvshorses, DreamingOfThatWorld, Aelius Ker, NeedtoRead10, and NeonMcQueen._

 _Thank you to those who favorited for putting this story on the most elite of your lists: 06bromleys, SimplyKelly, TheBetrayed0-0, Olivia and oreos, ICan'tThinkOfACleverUsername (which comes in second, but only because I imagine DuckKnight was already taken), , WhiteRabbit1231, Connie Weasley, Pruple T, Rogue Angel36, kklvshorses, DreamingOfThatWorld, myharlequinromance321, and soshesays._

 _And thank you to our Communication Agents for all your loving and kind messages and reviews: myharlequinromance321, Lift The Wings, GiraffePanda2 (who swore at me quite a bit and I loved it), Enecs, White Rabbit 1231, HoneyBunnyLemon, Mulisha Maiden, SimplyKelly, ad Connie Weasley._

 _I also need to give a special shout-out to myharlequinromance321 for adding this story to her C2s OC story list. It is an honor._

 _Thank you everyone again because you guys truly are the greatest and I will see you for what will be the thrilling back half of this episode- swear on Fitz's monkey._


	14. A Little Perspective Please

_A Little Perspective Please_

It's weird the moment you realize you might be dying in a very short amount of time. Your body tries to anchor you in the moment by reminding you how painful every breath is becoming as things build to a point of no return. But your mind, your mind just keeps trying to get you out of there by taking you back to all the moments you've had. It tries to wrap you in the good times so you didn't have to face what was coming- making Tony closing his eyes so I was the last thing he saw that much more powerful to me. But my mind didn't have that much to wander through and gotten stuck in a trap of sorts. But thankfully I wasn't given a lot of time to reflect and let my mind wander because I needed to shut that part of my mind off and stay in the moment.

Because the instant Fitz started to go the long way around Simmons was already making her way to one of the computers and sorting through data she had collected. I took a deep breath and followed her, trying not to get in her space too much but make it clear that I was there. "According to my estimates, our contact with the first victim was thirty six hours ago. That is when both I and Ashleigh contracted the virus." I could tell the next part was rough for her by the way she hesitated, just as Fitz came stumbling down the metal stairs to arrive frantically next to Coulson. "Which means if we go by the timeline of the firemen from infection to their deaths… we have two hours at the most." It hit me like a bullet, but I swallowed my shock as quickly as I could. I needed to be able to roll with this, because judging by how white Fitz went I don't think the others could.

"Two hours is plenty of time," I managed, not convincing in the least. She just gave me a look over her shoulder that she wasn't buying what I was selling. I needed to sound more confident. "Jemma, two hours is enough time. What do you need?"

"If we don't we'll release a blast that will be strong enough to blow the Bus-"

I grasped either of her shoulders, refusing to let her give in to her despair, especially as a few tools were now floating about the room. "Jemma, stay with me, okay? Stay on track. What do you need to do this?"

She blinked a few times but seemed to put herself on the same page as me, nodding before turning to Fitz. The poor guy looked traumatized as she made her way over. "I need a method of delivery when I finish the antiserum- one that can both suspend the contents while conducting the electricity that will be present. Otherwise I won't be able to do very much in here."

Fitz just nodded and ran over to the table her had set up on the ramp, grabbing all sorts of tools while his mind was obviously going so much faster than he physically was. As he set to work assembling something I was sure I wouldn't be able to comprehend the others came in a wave down the stairs. Skye made to run right up to the glass, but May managed to stop her with a hand on her elbow. So she merely looked back and forth between the two us, frantic with worry. Even Ward looked-

I grabbed my head as a buzzing sounded, ignoring the clatter of something falling in the lab. I just had to be stuck in the room with all the metal didn't I. I grabbed the counter to steady myself, squeezing my eyes shut as I willed the noise to stop. All I saw was that brain Simmons had shown us- the burnt baked potato. I didn't want my brain to be a burnt baked potato and I promised I wouldn't let anyone else become one as well. I needed to focus, but that noise was just making it so hard.

"Ashleigh!" a voice cut through, bringing me back to the present. It was Skye, hand against the glass and staring at me with tears in her eyes. I shook my head, trying to pull away the cobwebs that were forming over my thoughts. Simmons was now on the floor, back against the glass door and facing into the lab. She must have shrunk under the scrutiny of everyone arriving, almost trembling as she just sat there- coat and glasses even removed in favor of just her sweater. Fitz was on the other side, working away on what she needed from him silently, though I could tell he was nervously shaking as well. I looked back to Skye and nodded to her that I was back; giving her what must have been the most pathetic of smiles before making my way to crouch before Simmons. Skye seemed to reluctantly accept this and joined the circle the others had formed in the cargo hold to discuss things.

Simmons didn't look at me, just stared into the empty lab lost in thought. I went to say something to comfort her, but she surprisingly spoke before I could. "I had protective equipment when I touched him. You didn't. I may have two hours but I'm worried you might have less, Ashleigh." I knew I couldn't let her do this. She had enough pressure saving herself. She didn't need to add me to that and suffocate herself. I couldn't let her feel like my blood was on her hands if things went south.

"Don't worry about me," I put a hand on her knee. She shook her head but I was insistent. "I'm serious, Jemma. I am not your responsibility. It was my choice to come up to the body with you. I got myself into this, not you."

"But if I hadn't-"

"I don't care about what's happened," I cut her off, noticing Fitz filing away at his machine he seemed to be building. He was obviously trying to look like he was lost in thought, but was hanging on every word. "I care about what happens from here on out. We need to save you Jemma, and I know I'm basically useless in the lab but I will help you in every way I can. I will hold all the test tubes and keep you from giving up." She actually gave a hint of a smile at this. "You're too important for anyone on this Bus to lose so it's you I'm worried about. Not me. Never me."

"But you're important too," she insisted. I looked over to the circle where Skye seemed to be arguing with the others and sighed. "You are, Ashleigh."

"I'm just the amnesiac who hitched a ride. No one's going to miss me too much." She went to argue with me, but I patted her knee. "Save that fight for this virus. I'll worry about me, but I won't let you have that on your shoulders. I can take care of me. Maybe we'll be lucky and I'll hold on long enough to be right beside you when you find it. I know that's what I'm planning on. I'm not going down without a fight that's for certain." With that, I managed to rise to my feet shakily before pulling her up to hers. Fitz was staring at the two of us and took a moment to show us both his progress. Simmons gave a weak smile but I managed something larger.

"Thanks, Fitz," I buried all my anger in favor of encouragement. I didn't have any time to waste on negative emotions. "You're doing great." Jemma went back over to a microscope to look over things, obviously trying to distract herself while we waited. I managed a wave to Skye as she and the others almost reluctantly filed out up the stairs with Coulson at the rear, all eyes on us with worry and irritation that there was nothing they could do. They would probably go right up to the Briefing Room and perch at the table watching the security feeds. So I needed to keep my desire to pace to a minimum in case that would only serve to freak them out even more than they already were.

I had been so focused on Jemma that I hadn't noticed the Fitz seemed to be bouncing up and down with frantic, nervous agony that I had never seen from him before. I went back over to the glass door and tapped on it, earning his attention. We both stared at each other a moment, almost unable to say anything after what had just happened. But his looking at me gave me the feeling he was burying things for the moment too and we both just needed to table everything but this virus and Simmons away for later. "We'll take care of her together, okay?" I hoped it conveyed the two things I needed it too: that he wasn't alone in this but also that he was completely necessary to be successful. Simmons didn't just need him, but I needed him as well to keep me sane through all this despite being afraid to say so. He merely nodded before turning to his work, almost afraid to look at me. I could only imagine what he was thinking and worrying about when he looked at me- I must have looked like a train wreck and he hated to picture his best friend the same way.

I made my way back over to Jemma, performing inane services for her such as holding test tubes and handing her the tools she asked for and I recognized. The buzzing was starting to build in my brain but I kept shoving it back, focusing my attention on my main objective- keep Simmons talking. I used the fact I knew next to nothing about pop culture, asking her about her favorite music and movies and television shows. This led to a whole explanation on the premise of Doctor Who and his TARDIS, a recalling of watching Wizard of Oz with her parents and being surprised that such a place wasn't real after hoping a twister would hit her house, and a diatribe into classical music. It may have been stereotypical but she just loved how it made her brain function on all cylinders. I think she realized I was distracting her at first, but she gave herself over to it and seemed to calm down a bit once she really got going. I just smiled and nodded, paying as much attention as I could. It was hard when I had to hide the fact my fingers were sparking a bit at my side from not only my companions but the cameras. Skye was probably freaking out right now.

She decided to run a test without Fitz's device, mainly because she was getting antsy. She infected one of the three mice we had obtained at our last stop for her research and she injected him with the solution she had created. There was a minute of held breath before a flicker of blue exploded from the mouse, leaving his body floating in the air. I seriously wanted to throw up and had to grab the counter just to keep from falling over. This was literally the worst. Simmons just sighed and went back to the lab table, fiddling and adjusting things while we now waited for Fitz to deliver on his end. He was working more frantically now, literally jittering in his seat. I wanted to go over and talk to him, but Simmons needed me a little more right now with the look of absolute despair on her face. So I got her talking again, this time about some of her favorite cases she had ever encountered. It wasn't the same level of distraction though- she was now clearly aware of the consequences and time we were losing.

I don't know how long we worked before Fitz signaled to us, going over to a little compartment in the glass that could transfer things from inside to outside the lab and vice versa. I had a few times wondered what the point of it was, but now it seemed to be all too clear as he placed something within it and it closed with a click. It was for situations like these. "I believe we have a winner," he told his partner-in-crime with a forced smile. He was trying to keep her spirits high. "Fast and efficient… the perfect delivery mechanism." Simmons wordlessly grabbed the device before coming back over to me at the table, not even glancing at Fitz. She started to load what she had made into the device, only for both of us to turn at knocking on the glass.

"Uh, hey, um, not that it was easy to find a mineralized solution that could suspend the vaccine and conduct electricity." I could tell he was looking for some sort of conformation that he had done his job and now there was nothing to worry about. He needed some kind of approval.

Simmons was obviously too distracted to see what I did though. "I wish you wouldn't use the word 'vaccine'," she chided him as we made our way over to a cage with the white mice. "It's really more of an antiserum." She turned to me, taking a deep breath. I did my best to smile and not look like my head was being smashed with a mallet. "Okay, so… these antibodies should be able to target the virus' antigens, if this bloody virus even has antigens." She picked the little guy up and placed the device next to him, causing a spark that made him squeak. She then set him back in the cage and we all waited, the two of us leaned over him. "Come on, now. Come on." I could literally feel everyone's hearts sink when the blue spark happened. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from letting out a cry at the sight of two mice now floating in their cages. It was hard not to feel the situation was hopeless now.

"Well… that wasn't very cooperative of him, now, was it?" came a voice from the other side of the glass. And I knew it shouldn't have given everything, but I couldn't stop myself from laughing at that. I laughed so hard I cried as Jemma merely sighed and returned to her work, clearly not a delusional as I to laugh at one of Fitz's jokes. I finally got control of myself and wiped away the tears, so thankful the cry I needed had come from happiness. I looked to Fitz to thank him, but his eyes were only on Jemma as she flinched from a metal tool falling in front of her.

I tried to shake my head clear and made my way to grab the pipette she had been meaning to grab when this had happened. It was getting harder to walk, but I fought on to be that support she so desperately needed. I could not give in any sooner than she would. She gave me a nod of thanks, both of us flinching as sparks happened when we touched.

It was enough to send my headache into overdrive as I clutched my head with my hands and slid to the ground, teeth gritted as I just tried to breathe. It was getting hard to do even that. I just pictured the mice sparking over and over, letting out a cry of absolute agony that I instantly regretted. I wasn't supposed to make this about me. I needed to stay strong for Simmons. I needed to get her though this. So I somehow managed to push through it just enough to open my eyes and took a few wheezy deep breaths before pulling myself to my feet. Simmons had gone back to working on her antiserum, moving even faster in a desperate bid to save our lives. She didn't have time to drag me along behind her and I understood that. But Fitz, he was just staring at me in a way I didn't quite understand. I couldn't quite place what was going through his head, only that he was absolutely still. My eyes met his and in that moment he looked back down towards his watch, biting his lip at the time and bouncing uncomfortably. I forced myself to turn away from him and back towards my lab partner of sorts as she struggled with the pipette.

My momentary delirium of joy followed by pure agony has passed for the most part, I was now painfully aware of how close the two of us were cutting it. There was no way we were going to get our minds off of the topic at hand now. "It's all right," Fitz told us from behind the glass. The words were hollow though and they fell on very deaf ears. "Everything's going to be fine." I understood what he was trying to do- I had just been trying to do it. But now it just filled me with a touch of annoyance because it sounded so patronizing after that second mouse. He wasn't the one with an alien virus raging through him.

"Please stop saying that," I requested, seeing how much this seemed to wound him coming from me. I wiped some of the sweat from my forehead, now absolutely drenched. I had to put a lot more attention on breathing than I wanted and noticed a tray start to float in the air. I did my best to ultimately ignore it though, waving at it. "I know you're trying to help. But we don't need to hear that right now."

"Plus, I see you keep looking at your watch," Simmons added with clear frustration. "You don't need to do that. I understand we don't have a lot of time if we want to save her!"

"Hey," I tried to calm her, shaking my head at her. "We already talked about this. It isn't about me. It's about you. I'm just a footnote right now trying to help you."

Simmons laughed a dark laugh as she struggled. "You say that, but I'm not the one who almost died down there on the floor just now! How does that help me?!"

"I'm sorry," I managed, completely surprised with my hands going into the air. I hadn't expected her to lash out like that, but I did my best to try and keep the situation calm. "I'm sorry we're in this mess and that I'm no help to you. I'm just doing what I can."

"Helping me would have been letting me do my job and not getting yourself in this mess in the first place!" She let out a growl I had never heard from her as she pushed down on the box she was trying to get to mix. "Now I am the only thing that is going to keep my friend from dying, a pressure that is weighing on me quite heavily, thank you very much. You should have just stayed back!"

"I was right, wasn't I?" I couldn't help but remind her. "I was right about this whole situation and that body being off. I'm just trying to protect you, Simmons. It's… it's all I know how to do really." She didn't say anything to that, merely let out another cry at the device. I reached out to help her, but she swatted me away easily.

Fitz spoke up again, this time much more tentative. "Are you sure you don't need my help to just…"

"Are you sure this thing even works?" Simmons snapped, holding up the device he had made and giving it a good shake. She was lashing out at him now and not getting us anywhere productive. I needed to nip this in the bud and quickly.

"Simmons, you know it does," I told her gently. "You saw it work on the mouse."

"Yeah, Ashleigh's right," Fitz added. I glared at him to shut his mouth, forgetting he had stopped listening to me recently. "My device isn't the issue… it's the vaccine."

"Let's not start-"

"Antiserum!" Jemma shouted over me. "And all I'm wondering is whether you calibrated it correctly." She turned to face him now and I knew there was no hope. They were now in one of their conversations and I was stuck on the sidelines. I even leaned against the counter and crossed my arms, surrendering to the stream of words that were about to happen. I just hoped getting out whatever they did helped them be able to get this show on the road, because I was really trying to hide my headache now.

"Hey, it's not the device. Don't put this on me. I was doing just fine, tucked away in a safe, indoor, non-mobile lab at the academy!"

"Oh!" Jemma rolled her eyes, making her way over to meet him at the glass now. Things were getting tense and there was a wall between them. I just hoped one of them didn't hit it. I don't know how stable this glass was really.

"Then you had to go and drag us into this flying circus!" he shouted, hand flying about, even gesturing to me. I did my best to look mock offended for the moment, but it was obvious next to no attention was on me right now. "Didn't even pass our field assessment, for god's sake!"

"Oh, please, as if I forced you to follow me anywhere."

"You said, and I quote-"Oh boy. This meant Imitation Simmons Voice. She hated Imitation Simmons Voice. "'Oh, Fitz it's the most perfect opportunity for us to see the world. We'd be fools to pass this one up.'"

"I hate it when you use that voice. That's now even how I sound."

"I will agree with that point," I added, knowing my comment was going to be ignored but feeling the need to have something on the record anyway… for posterity.

"And you were just afraid with going out in the field." Now she was hitting below the belt and I was starting to get worried. I knew how sensitive Fitz was about this issue and knew I really might need to fight to step in now. Maybe fake another headache? That seemed to be the best weapon I had in these parts since day one really.

"I was not afraid."

"And don't you dare act like the last months haven't been the highlight of your entire pasty life!"

"Pasty? Oh really? Well, when did you become so sun-kissed?" He scoffed at her. "Because I'm pretty sure that every minute of every day you've been stuck in a lab right beside me. At the academy, at sci-ops, this plane… you've been beside me the whole damn time!" The last words hung in the air between the two, anger suddenly drained away to worry. He just didn't want to lose his best friend. I understood the feeling. It had absolutely sucked to lose him myself. The entire situation diffused itself and Simmons went back to her work, Fitz giving her this look that honestly made me kind of jealous. It was clear there how much he needed her- how close the two of them really were. I know I didn't have anything like that with anyone… wonder if I ever did.

"You have to fix this," he told her in a broken voice. "You have to fix this and it… it has to be soon." We may have been fighting in a way right now, but hearing him sound like that absolutely broke my heart. This was a man at the end of his rope making a desperate plea for the person he loved. I actually looked down to give them some faint illusion of privacy and played with my thumbs, uncomfortable to be intruding on this moment. Along for the ride despite myself as per usual.

"I don't know how, Fitz," Simmons admitted in a similar broken tone. Her voice even cracked over the words as she gave into her hopelessness. She sounded broken and exhausted much like I felt. The two of them both looked to be on the verge of tears when I glanced up, much like myself as well. "I don't know how to save us. The antibodies from the three firefighters aren't strong enough to fight this virus. It's born from alien DNA. There's no one… to create an antiserum because no one's actually survived this virus except…"

It hit us all at once. "The Chitauri," the three of us said in unison. I had no idea what it meant but the two of them were now looking as if this got us somewhere. I walked over to join them, startled at how much effort it took. The two of them were off once again, but this time in their usual, healthier manner.

"Well, the minky bastard who actually wore the helmet had the virus-"

"Yeah, and managed to survive without ever emitting an electrostatic pulse because-"

"It was immune."

"Yes! She… she was just the carrier, like Typhoid Mary."

"Uh, 'she'? Well, no, wait." He tried not to get hung up on that point as spirits inside and outside the glass lifted the smallest fraction. "That… you don't really think that… okay, doesn't matter. Um, so if… if I can scrape some epithelial cells from the inside of the helmet, we can create a vaccine?"

He didn't even wait for her to answer, taking off at a run up the stairs. "Yes! Antiserum, but yes." She then moved back towards the tables to grab the new supplies and liquids to make ready. While she was distracted, I went over to the controls for the lab and switched the one that locked the door. I knew Fitz pretty well by now, and I was pretty positive in what he planned on doing with that helmet. But I wasn't about to let that happen.

Sure enough, he came bolting down the stairs with the box a moment later so ready to rush straight into the lab he crashed into the door when it didn't happen. He quickly glanced around to figure out what the hell was going on when he saw me standing next to the controls and his face became hard. "Open the doors, Ashleigh."

"No," I answered simply, eyes narrowing. "Leopold Fitz, I know what you're going to do and I won't let it happen." Now Coulson and Skye had come running down the stairs, grinding to a halt at our face-off. Jemma herself must have noticed too by this time, but she wisely chose to stay out of it. "You're going to put the box through the slot and let us handle this, okay?"

"I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing, thank you very much. Now open the door." He started to fiddle with the buttons on his side, but I kept my finger on the one that mattered.

"I'm not going to let you get infected Fitz," I warned him I wasn't budging. "I'm not going to let you put yourself in danger when I'm here to do what needs to get done. You did your part and now I'll do mine." I honestly thought I had him. He looked close to giving in, but then a fire returned to his eyes that I had last seen in our fight.

"You're not pulling this on me, Ashleigh!" Ward had arrived by now and looked ready to step in, but Skye wisely held him back. "You're not protecting me and keeping me from helping because of some bloody words on your wrist!"

"If you think I'm doing it because of that then you clearly don't know a damn thing about me after all the time we've spent together!" I matched his anger and it was absolutely draining me. But I pushed even further, glaring daggers into him. "But maybe I don't know a thing about you either! You have done nothing this past week other than ignore me and make me feel like less than a person! And I did something shitty but I don't think even I deserved that from you! So maybe you are the petty coward you told me you were!" I instantly regretted that though, especially from how he reacted. I put my hand to my head. "Just trust me."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I don't," he hurt me as bad as I had just hurt him. "I don't trust you. Not anymore."

I gritted my teeth, knowing we had no time for this. I think my voice came out like pure stone. "Give me the goddamned helmet, Fitz." He didn't move. "I said give me the goddamned helmet so I can help the both of you!"

He just shook his head, still someone holding strong. "I need to get in there and help save my best friend!"

"And I'm not letting you in here because you're mine!" I shouted back, causing him to take an unintentional step back at this unexpected turn. "Because this is probably going to work but I'm scared to death if it doesn't! Because I care about you too much to even risk losing you! Because you are my Girl Talk, Pop Tart, Star Wars companion and it makes me miserable to think of things being without you. It is miserable being without you, okay?" I knew I should have hit the brakes a long time ago, but I just couldn't get my mouth to stop. Maybe it was the fact I was facing death, but I felt like I needed to let it all out. "I care about you and if you care about m… Simmons the way I feel and know you do then you'll put the helmet through the slot and stand down." The buzzing had been increasing steadily and my one hand that wasn't on the button went to my head. When I looked back at him, all his anger seemed to have gone up in smoke. All that was left was worry and sadness for her as he glanced back down at the box.

I just stared at him with what must have been the most pathetic, tired pleading face I could muster. "Come on, L-Fitz. You know you never win our arguments." I managed to smile at some of the good thoughts that flitted through my mind. "So you're certainly not going to win one when I'm dying." This seemed to be the final piece he needed as he slowly nodded, tears once again in his eyes. And I trusted him, releasing my finger from the button to move to the large compartment he placed the box in. "Just think of me as your Helper Monkey- highly trained and everything." My heart swelled when I managed to get just the hint of a smile out of him, removing the box on my end of the glass. "Thank you."

I deposited it onto the table and slowly placed it on an area Simmons had designated at the table. We did the best to block everyone else out as we worked- Fitz standing at the glass where I had left him with one hand upon it, Ward was pacing relentlessly, and Skye and Coulson just remained still. Jemma swabbed the helmet while I held two plates for her- she had insisted we do everything in double. She then looked up at Fitz as if thinking of something. "We need another delivery device. I suspect we'll need it quick as possible once we have the results." He nodded, almost happy to have something to do as he made his way to his makeshift desk and got to work, eyes never leaving us for more than a few seconds though.

I handed her everything she needed as she added liquids to the two plates, admitting she was gambling a bit with her unfamiliarity of the alien. "I'm sure you got it right. You're brilliant after all," I told her, making her smile. I worked completely in sync with her, being where she needed me when she needed me with just a word or a gesture. I didn't do anything too extreme, mainly held and handed things, but from me I would say it was an impressive level of science seeing as nothing had broken or exploded yet. It also seemed to be exactly what Jemma needed, someone right beside her on the same page. I was managing to be a pretty alright Substitute Fitz. When this was all over I needed to take a moment to be proud of that. She then put them in a device I had learned long ago was a centrifuge and the two of us just waited, desperately hoping we could beat the clock. I felt absolutely awful, hand gripping the counter to keep myself upright, and was running on pure fumes now while Simmons looked to be heading my route any moment now.

We knew we had something pretty special when they floated out of the centrifuge. This had to be it. We had managed to save our skins just in time. We both glanced at each for a moment with genuine smiles before each reaching up to grab one. They sparked against our hands and dropped, but I somehow managed to catch the two of them in one swipe. "Tell me you saw that. That was the coolest thing I've ever done in my life." Simmons nodded and laughed a bit at this, loading one of them into Fitz's device. It was good to hear that sound. It was good to be out of the woods.

She shocked the third rat and we placed it back in the cage, waiting and praying to whatever we believed in. The others had crowded around the glass, May even making her way down here for this moment. "I can't breathe," Skye said for everyone. I leaned against the door, unable to support myself on my own. Nothing happened. Thank God nothing happened. We were saved and just in the nick of time.

"We did it," Simmons sighed, ecstatic beyond belief. She looked ready to call me over and give me a dose of the antiserum when it happened. There was the spark of blue electricity and the third rat was floating in the air with his two companions… dead. Just like that everything came crashing down upon us- the hopes we had built crumbling before our very eyes. My knees buckled and I slid against the glass to the floor, unable to stop the tears now streaming down my face. This had been our last shot. Simmons and I… were going to die.

"No," Fitz spoke first in complete agony. "We could try again. The electrostatic pulse from the third rat seemed much less, so you're making progress. You and Ashleigh just need to-"

"I don't think I can get up, Fitz," I admitted to him, completely unable to move my arms or legs at this point. I just didn't have it in me anymore.

"Just try," he begged me. "You need to help her so she can-"

I gave it my best effort, but nothing moved more than a few inches. I let out a cry of exhaustion after the effort and leaned my head back against the glass and closing my eyes. "I can't. I'm sorry, Fitz. I'm so sorry." I think he could tell I didn't just mean about getting up. "I'm sorry." My brain was going to be a burnt baked potato. My mind was going to be a burnt baked potato.

Simmons had made her way up to the glass and spoke to whomever was across from her. "Sir, I know the protocol in these circumstances, but could you please tell my dad first? I just think my Mum would take it better if it comes from him."

"You don't have to worry about anything with me, sir," I managed. "There's no one to care about me… and that's okay. Fury will find something to do with me."

"That's not true," I heard Skye insist from outside the glass. She had to be crying from the way her voice sounded. "That's not true at all, Ashleigh."

"She's right," Simmons insisted, still facing Coulson. "One day you're going to unravel all this and when you find her people… you need to tell them how brave she was. And how selfless she was every day to this entire team. But most importantly, you need to tell them that she was a great friend."

"We're not there yet," I heard Coulson from the other side before I could respond, voice getting caught in my throat as more tears came flooding out. "There's still time for the both of you."

"Sir please," Jemma cut him off gently. "We both know what happens next." She turned now a bit, facing someone else. "Fitz, would you mind coming around to the other door. I want us to have a brief moment alone." The others seemed to take this as their cue, I heard sinking footsteps make their way up the ladder and only silence once they stopped. It was so hard to breathe and the crackling was building in my fingers and my head. I had a few minutes at the most.

Then all of a sudden my head wasn't against the glass anymore and I crashed to the ground in a heap. Someone… someone had opened the door to the lab. I forced my eyes open and saw that I was moving across the cargo hold somehow, though I was pretty positive I wasn't doing any of the moving. My arms and legs seemed as still as they had before at least. Then how was I… I was being dragged I think. I think I felt arms under my own. What was going on? I could barely put coherent thoughts together anymore against the building buzz of my brain.

"I'm sorry," I heard a familiar voice say. It sounded so far away though, like I was underwater and could barely hear it. "I'm sorry but I'm sure you'd agree it's the only thing to do. It's the only way we can save them now." I was back on the cold ground again, which felt really good honestly, turned sideways and facing the tires of Lola. I just focused all my energy on breathing, each becoming more labored than the last.

Then the ground beneath me shook like an earthquake. My first immediate thought was that it was happening with my second being that it had happened to Simmons. But then I felt myself start to roll as the ground became more sloped and the sound of roaring wind growing all around me. Footsteps walked past me with one last squeeze of my shoulder before they were gone in the direction of the wind. I couldn't even manage to open my eyes and see what was happening.

I put my last coherent thought together in that moment. Jemma had lowered the cargo ramp to save the team. I was going to roll out and be sent tumbling through the sky so I wouldn't hurt anyone when I went burnt baked potato. I was going to fall… and the very thought petrified me. I was scared of dying, but I was even more scared of dying like this. All I could do was brace myself for the end of the ramp, hands clenched together.

Someone was screaming. I couldn't hear over the wind what they were saying- only that they sounded like they were losing their mind. I was losing my mind too. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to die like this. I didn't want to leave them. I didn't want to leave them. I didn't want to leave them.

"I've got her," I think I heard. "Pull this… after I jump… grab Ashleigh."

Footsteps passed me again- these one much harder and faster as my rolling gained speed. But then it started to stop as the ground shook again. The slope started to decrease and the crackling in my head caused me to scream in agony. I needed to get out of here. I was still on the Bus. How was I still on the Bus? I should be right behind Jemma now.

Someone was running towards me and pulled me up so my head was off the ground. My hands were still grabbing it, electricity crackling through the whole cargo hold and I screamed. "This… not ready. I… figure… hold on Ashleigh. Hold…" They were fiddling with something, but I couldn't tell what. I was going. It was happening.

And then a shock like a bolt of lightning ripped through my chest that nearly bowled me over and everything went black.

XXX

"Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on." The first thing I registered was those words being repeated over and over in a more frantic manner each time by a voice that was very familiar. It was right on the tip of my tongue really. But I was quickly distracted from this by the second thing- the fact that my lungs scaled a full rebellion against my body and sent me into a coughing, wheezing fit that must have sounded absolutely disgusting. It was like my entire body was seizing with each cough, but whoever was with me seemed to be relieved more than revolted as I was. "Oh, thank goodness. Thank bloody goodness," they let out with a sigh. I then felt myself being shifted so I was sitting more upright, supported on my shoulder and back. I kept coughing despite myself as something rubbed circles on my back. "There you go. Let it out. Just let it all out. It's alright if you get some of your amnesiac germs on me. Whatever you need to do to keep breathing, Ash."

When the coughing finally dissipated into long, shallow breaths a large part of me wanted to drift back off and gain back the energy I was so clearly lacking. But the smaller part, the part that recognized that voice and the fact that I was somehow alive right now, forced me to open my eyes. It took a moment for the world to focus instead of being made up of wavy lines, but soon I realized I was staring at the ceiling of the cargo hold. I managed to roll my head to the side and bumped into a solid shoulder, resting it against the fabric of the shirt on it. Now I recognized that voice because I was staring right at him- it was Fitz. Fitz was right here with me, holding me steady and smile on his face so big it nearly stretched from ear to ear. He looked like he had to have been crying, but thankfully there was no sign of any new ones. The sight of him was almost so powerful it made a smile creep across my face as well.

I registered something in his hand that was holding my back, and put together it must have been the device he had been constructing before. And then it seemed to crash into me that I was still here. I was still here and the buzzing was gone. My head was as silent as could be, though a bit slow at the moment it seemed. Nothing was floating and though I felt like I had been hit by a truck it was an improvement over before for sure. Mostly it was in my chest rather than my head actually. It had to be true, but I almost didn't dare believe it. "No... No burnt baked potato?" I managed to croak out. I never realized how exhausting it was to form words. I think I might just stick to trying to breathe.

He shook his head. "No. No burnt baked potato. Just a normal baked potato with some sour cream if that's how you like it." He laughed to himself, but it seemed to be half-hearted. "The rat was just knocked unconscious by the blast. The antiserum worked after all. You two did it, Ash. You managed to create something new in the field of science. You of all people."

"It's not like I did... anything important," I scoffed, words coming slightly more easily now as my lungs chilled themselves out. "Most of it was... Simmons!" I remembered now- the ramp lowering and what she had clearly been intending to do. I tried to sit up. "Jemma jumped off the ramp. We need to-"

He held me firmly in place, keeping me from getting very far at all. Not that I thought I would have been actually able to get up. "I know. She locked the lab door on me so I couldn't get to her when I came through the back and noticed the mouse was still alive. She-she jumped as soon as she saw me though and you were just rolling down the ramp behind her. I couldn't get the parachute on in time so Ward jumped after her with the other device and dose of antiserum. I closed the ramp so I could get to you before you fell." His words sounded almost haunted, like he was reliving the moments as he said them. The poor guy must be traumatized. It sent a shiver up my spine just to think about it myself. I think my fear of heights my make a return experience after something like that. He almost seemed bitter though; upset he hadn't been able to do the grand gesture. Instead he had just been stuck with me. "I don't know for sure but Ward's very good at his job so I think she's okay. She is going to get a rather stern lecture from me when we pick her back up though."

"If you want... you can go back over to the others and check. I'm sure they have news by now. I'll... I'll be fine here," I told him very unconvincingly. I mean, of course I preferred having him here to being alone in this cargo hold with only the cars for company. But I was serious at the same time. I didn't want him to feel like he had to be here with me- be stuck with this girl rather than the one he really had wanted to save and impress.

"I'm not leaving you."

"I'll be fine, Fitz. I don't... think I can move even if-"

"I'm not leaving you," he repeated, making it clear there was no arguing with him. He pulled me closer to him, resting his head atop mine so I was tucked under his chin. "I'm okay right here... with you. So if you don't mind I'm just going to stay here and keep doing what I'm doing." I barely managed to nod, honestly almost crying from relief and exhaustion as my mind started to catch up with how close I had to come. That I had almost died.

The larger part of my body was now starting to win and I found my eyes drifting shut more than once in the next few moments. "Lee... I'm pretty tired. I'm trying to stay awake...but-"

"No. Go to sleep," he insisted, hugging me I think almost unconsciously. "Your body needs you to take it easy for a bit. It took quite the beating after all- what with nearly shocking your brain with 2,000 kilajoules and all that." I let my eyes stay closed this time, managing one last bit of dialogue before I surrendered myself to the blackness.

"Thanks for being my hero, Lee. Don't worry about... me too much. Trust me...because I'm going to bounce...bounce right back."

And I don't know if it was real, but I think I heard him answer me. It sounded something like, "I do, Ash. I absolutely do."

XXX

The next time I came to had to be quite a while later, judging by the fact I was staring at the ceiling of my bunk in total darkness. Someone had even gone through the trouble of tucking me in nicely under my blanket. I guessed it was probably Skye- that touch seemed to be her style. My chest still was clenched tight in pain and I felt pretty weak all over, but it still seemed like I was improving rather than falling apart. I could breathe easier at least. I would take progress.

"I was hoping you'd sleep longer." I lifted my head up to see Coulson seated on the edge of my bed, still in his suit though his tie was undone. "We figured with the way you can sleep in and how bad you looked that you'd make it to at least three in the afternoon tomorrow. Not three in the morning." He looked like it had been a hell of a day, which I could imagine it had been for him. I went to speak, but he obviously knew where I was going to go first. "Simmons and Ward were both picked up hours ago. He managed to administer the antiserum to her in time and she's fine. She actually seemed better off than you- she thinks because you had direct contact with the virus and thus a quicker timetable." I let my head fall back on my pillow, not having the energy to keep it up still.

"You got mad at her, didn't you?" He didn't even have to answer. "I know she didn't exactly have my consent when she did it, but I would have agreed with her, sir. I would have jumped myself if I could to save all of you too."

"I know you would have," he said simply. "I'm just thankful it worked out like it did so Fitz could get you." I tried to sit up to talk to him better, but the pain in my chest made me hiss. "Just settle back down. I'm hoping you drift off again soon enough."

"I feel like I had a heart attack," I was frank as I gave up and lay back down.

"Fitz felt his device was unfinished and he had mere seconds to deliver the antiserum before we lost you. He decided to go to where it would get to the brain as fast as possible… your heart. He also did direct skin contact which left you with some burns and that feeling you have right now. He's hopeful it will dissipate in a few days and quite guilty he had to do it."

I processed this, my brain still a little slow on the uptake. But something he said caught my attention. "Wait. Skin contact? So he-?"

"Yes. It seemed to embarrass him quite a bit when we finished dealing with the Moroccan government for landing and got down to the two of you." I swear I could tell he had a smile on his face just from how he said the next words. "He swore up and down he didn't look though. You nearly broke his wrist though." What? I didn't recall that in the slightest. How did I-? "You let out an electrostatic pulse when he administered the antiserum and it was powerful enough to knock him back… into Lola who now has a Fitz-sized dent in her."

"I can pay for that," I offered, knowing he couldn't be happy about that. "You can take it out of my paychecks for however long you need to."

"I'm not worried about it." I could swear he almost sounded sincere, but he couldn't be. "A lot of things got put in perspective today, Ashleigh. Like how people are more important than even the flying cars." I felt his hand on my foot. "Skye was right. You have people who would miss you if something happened. We would all be devastated to lose you because you bring such a light to this Bus with just your presence. You give a lot of love, but don't forget to take some of what's given back to you. All of us here really care about Ashleigh Crawford. Don't forget that." With that, he rose to his feet. "Just don't let anything happen to Lola again. This was your free pass."

"I won't sir." I tried not to cry for what had to be the millionth time, but the words were so strong it was hard not to. "Thanks for keeping an eye on me."

"It was more I had to stay here to chase everyone away," he admitted bluntly. "Fitz, Simmons, Skye, and even Ward keep stopping in. I told them you needed some time before you were ready for visitors, but I worried they wouldn't listen. No one ever really listens to my orders except you." He opened the door and my eyes closed at the light of the hallway. "Get some rest. May even says she'll give you the day off tomorrow."

"Oh joy," I groaned, not even able to picture training in the least right now. Literally everything ached just at the thought of it. Instead once Coulson left me by my lonesome in my bunk I quickly fell asleep again, thinking three sounded like a pretty fine time to me as well.

XXX

I somehow only made it to eight, which ironically was earlier than I had ever woken up before. I managed to pull myself out of the bed, noticing Skye had also been kind enough to wrangle me into my favorite pajamas last night as well. My throat was dry, my chest was sore, and I must have looked like an absolute mess from all the sweat yesterday. But I could tell I only had the energy to get to one place, and despite my better judgement it wasn't the bathroom.

The four of them were all there gathered around the Night-Night gun when I stumbled through the back doorway. Skye was the first to notice me, running to me and pulling me into the biggest hug I had ever experienced in my life. "Thank God you're okay," she muttered into my shoulder. "I was so worried…"

I patted her back comfortingly. "It takes more than an alien virus to take me out, Skye. Never doubt that." She pulled away from me, hands still on my shoulders.

"It is so good to hear you talk like that. You have no idea." She went back over to the others, but the moment she let go I nearly lost my balance and toppled over. I managed to grab a counter but the effect was immediate. Ward of all people was instantly at my side, hand on my back.

"We need to get her somewhere to sit," he ordered the others. They instantly started going here and there to various chairs and offering them up as solutions. "We're not making her walk. Someone bring one to her."

"You don't have to-"Fitz had a chair at my side before I could say anything more, his favorite wheeling one. "Thank you." Ward helped me sit back in it as Fitz held it steady, the girls just hovering. The whole situation almost seemed to be out of a sketch comedy. Part of me was convinced they were being this over-the-top on purpose. But then I remembered Coulson's words and allowed myself to take in just how much these people cared about me. It was pretty staggering really. I'm glad I was sitting down already.

"I see you are working the pajamas this morning," Fitz commented, seeming completely at ease with me in a way we hadn't been since I revealed my secret. I turned to look at him so fast it gave me whiplash. I thought we had cleared up some things yesterday, but I wasn't expecting him to come around like this. I wasn't expecting them to almost be normal.

I tried not to be too uncomfortable with the sudden shift though, falling back on the old routine as something came to mind. "From what I hear, it's not giving you a look at anything you haven't seen already." And just like that, I flipped the switch that made him go absolutely red. Skye actually let out a guffaw.

"I, uh, I wasn't sure... the second device wasn't finished," he sputtered. "And we had mere seconds before... you know. So I needed it to get to, uh, to get to your brain as fast as possible." He was really tripping over himself and I could only smirk, just letting him continue for my own amusement. "Your heart as you might know pumps blood everywhere really quickly so I... I aimed for there. But I didn't want to-to set your shirt on fire or risk anything not working so... I did- really I did what needed to be done. I didn't look though, I swear." He was somehow getting redder. "Not that I wouldn't want to- not that I'd want to I mean! That's, uh, that's what I meant." He looked heavenward as if for some sort of divine inspiration and I finally decided maybe I should speak up and bail him out.

"Why, Fitz," I gave it my best Southern belle impression which had everyone laughing even harder. "Do you mean to say that saving me life was just one big excuse to look at my equipment?" The shocked look on his face as I called back to the day we met was enough to send me into a fit of giggles, which quickly halted when they caused some unwelcome spasms in my chest. "Oh, you can't make me laugh like that. It hurts too much." He still looked very uncomfortable though, so I put a hand on his arm. "It's okay. Seriously. I get it. You were just being a hero and saving my life." Somehow that made him look even more uncomfortable which wasn't quite what I was going for. "I will never be able to thank you enough for that."

I turned to Jemma, needing to clear something now. "Just like I won't be able to thank you enough." She went to speak, obviously guilty, but I wasn't about to let her. "You did exactly what I would have wanted you to given what we knew about the situation. You were thinking of the team and I won't fault you for that… ever. Also don't sell yourself short on the fact that with Fitz you solved this entire thing and possibly a lot more lives outside mine. I forgive you, so you need to forgive yourself, okay?" I expected and welcomed the hug that followed.

"You, Ashleigh, are too good of a friend. Seriously, I wouldn't have made it through all of that without you by my side." She squeezed me tight. "I never thought I'd say this about you, but I'd be willing to make you my lab partner anytime."

"As long as you don't attempt to throw me out of any more planes it's a deal."

"Sounds good," she laughed as she backed away from me, fond smile on her face. I looked over the Night-Night gun on the table that everyone had been talking about when I came in. As I did, I realized someone was draping a blanket around my shoulders. I guess I had been shivering a bit, especially with just shorts on. I turned to see Fitz still casually leaning against my chair- almost keeping watch over me in a way. It was kind of perplexing- the sudden shift of his orbit to include me once again and to such a large degree. I had expected him to be acting this way around Simmons rather than myself.

"What's going on here?" I tried to make conversation, nodding towards the gun. "Is Ward giving you two grief again?"

"I'm merely suggesting-"

"We'll get to that in a minute," Fitz dismissed him. "First, you look positively famished and need to get your strength up." He ran over to the incubator and pulled out a late, presenting it before me. "I made you some eggs and a baked potato- full of protein and carbs." The eggs looked a little all over the place, but they seemed edible enough. It looked like he had slightly overcooked the potato though. He then ran to the fridge and put a gallon of orange juice on the counter before me. "Also, uh, very good to get some vitamins in there." I looked over the interesting combination, smile lighting up my face.

"You made this for me?" I asked almost in disbelief.

"I told him I could at least make the potato hash brown, but he insisted he had to make everything," Skye commented, happy I seemed so happy.

"And I made sure to clean out that incubator real well this morning before he put anything in there, I promise," Simmons added.

"I would have made you your favorite meal, but then I remembered we don't, uh, exactly know what your real favorite meal is. It would seem to be Pop Tarts, but those aren't exactly the best for you when you're… getting over a virus." He was stuttering up and down the place again, and it just made my smile brighter. "But, go ahead. Dig in. The whole gallon's for you so you can drink right from it."

"Thank you very much," I told him sincerely before taking my first bite of the eggs. They were a little chewy, but not bad for a first try. "Skye, you might have some competition," I quipped, taking a sip of the juice.

"Don't worry. I have plans to take you on a whirlwind tour of food so we can figure out what your actual favorite it. Plus, I get this cast off soon and we can begin those driving lessons."

"I was also thinking we could watch Episode Four tonight," Fitz added, still hovering behind me. "That is, uh, if you're up for it. If you're too tired than we don't have to. I don't want to push you too much but it was just an idea. Or we could watch something to put you to sleep if you're tired… or nothing at all. Whatever you want to do."

I turned to Simmons. "Did he do this to you too?"

"Not to the same extent," she answered honestly. "I think it might have to do with the burn marks you have below you clavicle."

I shrugged. "I'll take it."

Skye let out a happy sigh. "I missed that smile on your face after this week."

"I did too," I agreed sincerely. I went back to my meal as the others discussed the Night-Night gun, arguing over the necessity of shaving off an ounce in the grand scheme of things. Skye and Ward seemed to have made up judging by the way he was, you know, speaking to her and I couldn't muster up even an ounce of surprise. I'm just glad that drama was over with. They kept looking back my way though, and I made sure to wave and indicate that I was indeed still alive. Coulson even stopped by, hand resting on my shoulder for a long moment as he weighed in on the debate and settled things firmly in Ward's favor- to Fitz-Simmons annoyance. Once I finished, though not the gallon of orange juice because who could, I found myself starting to drift off just listening to them. It wasn't that I was bored or anything, I was just still pretty worn out from the whole ordeal. They noticed pretty quickly though and Fitz was the first to offer to escort me back to my room so I could get some more rest.

"I think you could literally ask him for anything right now and he would say yes," Skye whispered to me as she helped me up, mischievous look in her eyes. "So think of something really good, okay?"

The two of us started walking back through the Bus. I managed alright on my own, just needing some assistance to get up that stairs. I felt I had to get something out while we had a moment alone. "So I have to admit I'm a little confused. The last thing I remember is the two of us fighting and now you're cooking me breakfast and… talking to me."

He took a moment before answering. "Well, one of the last things I remember is your body nearly rolling off the Bus and thinking I wasn't going to make it to you in time," he answered simply, lack of emotion in his voice as if he was afraid to really think about it. "And I remember thinking that I had spent the last week ignoring you and making us both of us miserable."

"Because you were upset with me. And you have every right to be. I-"

"Almost died," he cut me off gravely as we arrived at my bunk. "You almost died, Ash. And it just… it just put some things in perspective alright? So if it's all the same to you, I think I'd like to go back to being your Girl Talk, Pop Tart, Star Wars companion as well. I mean, I understand if you don't with everything I did-"

I cut him off with the biggest I could muster, arms wrapped tightly around his neck and I nearly sent him toppling over. He managed to stay on his feet though and quickly returned it as I sighed, completely content. "Ash and Lee?" I asked.

"Ash and Lee," he echoed. "Always." I hugged him for another minute just so ecstatic to have him back after everything. I hadn't realized how much I really missed him until this moment- I knew there was a hole in my heart but I had no idea how large it was. I think it was the best thing that had happened to me since I woke up, because right here with him I finally felt for the first time like I was home. Like I was right where I belonged and I got to keep it after fighting like hell to find it. I was right where I was meant to be.

"I could stay with you a bit, if you want me too," he offered, noticing I seemed particularly attached to him at the moment. "Now that the situation is taken care of back in the lab I don't have much I need to get done. Simmons is just still cleaning up."

"I'd really like that," I answered, pulling him in behind me. We both settled onto my bunk, sitting with our heads against the wall and just enjoying one another's company again. It was surprising how normal it all seemed, like a switch had been flipped back on and suddenly the world was right again. I felt myself dozing off though, and leaned my head to rest on his shoulder. "You can leave whenever you want to. Don't think you're stuck here if I fall asleep on you."

"I'm fine for the moment. Don't, uh, don't worry about me." I started drifting off, but remembered something that went well with what Skye had said.

"Lee, what are you going to do with the mouse that survived?"

"Oh, the white one? I'm not sure Simmons has any plans for him right now. We might-"

"Can I keep him here? I feel like we have a connection since we both got through this mess. And I think he's suffered enough in that lab if my experience is anything to go by." There was a pause and I could tell he was debating, though we both clearly knew how this was going to end up. "I even named him."

He sighed. "What did you name him?"

"Cheesetauri."

He scoffed. "That's not even- that's just a pun disguised as a name. You can't-"He sighed again. I never lost an argument to Fitz, and I certainly wasn't going to lose one after I nearly died. "I'll see about bringing his cage in here once you're feeling better. I hope you know you're going to be the one taking care of him though. He will be your responsibility."

"I can handle it," I promised. "Thank you… both for the mouse and saving my life."

"It's not a problem… either thing."

"Especially since you put a dent in Lola which had to hurt. But then again you saw my bra so maybe that made-"

"Go to sleep, Ash."

I did. And he stayed with me for the whole six hours while I was out like a light. Because that's what Girl Talk, Pop Tart, Star Wars companions do.

XXX

 _Well, there it is. My favorite episode is on the books, but I'm really looking forward to where we go from here now that the secret is out. It's going to be a fun ride._

 _Thank you to our loyal Agents for making this story one of their favorite missions: Ashies and AvengersPrincess15._

 _Thank you to our new recruits Ashies, AvengersPrincess15, XVampireGal13X, and necko313 for joining us._

 _And a big shout-out to our Communication Agents for their words on encouragement: myharlequinromance321, MulishaMaiden, Giraffe Panda2, and Enecs._

 _Thank you all for your love and support as always. I love each and every single one of you to pieces and will see you next time._


	15. Some Answers Maybe

_Some Answers… Maybe_

"Okay. Now that we have turned the car on, we're going to put our foot on the brake and move the gearshift to drive- that's the D like we covered." Skye pointed down between us as I gripped the wheel perhaps a little harder than was entirely necessary. I gave the smallest of nods, not quite believing in this method of learning in the heat of the moment. She seemed to be banking a lot on the fact that something was going to come back to me, a missing piece would suddenly click into place and I'd be a NASCAR driver. That didn't seem to be the case though as she looked at me with a large smile. "Is it coming back to you yet? Anything?"

"No. Not really. So I really think you should take the wheel-"

"You'll be fine," she patted me on the shoulder, looking over hers to the building covered in snow behind us. "He should be coming any moment. Just listen to the GPS." I glanced at the contraption between the two of us, highlighting the most efficient route back to the Bus. I took a deep breath, seeing my hands were literally trembling at the wheel. This was the most ridiculous teaching method that had probably ever existed. Plus probably not good for the girl who was shocked in the heart four days ago- the scab hadn't even fallen off yet. It might be a good idea not to stress that. How the hell did she get Coulson to agree to this?!

I pulled my hands away from the wheel, palms disgustingly wet. "Seriously, I can't-"

"Here he comes!" she interrupted me, causing me to grab the wheel again in my death grip- not so much due to her words and more to do with the blaring alarms now sounding from behind us as well. Despite my not wanting to be in this situation at all, there was the overriding thought in my brain that we were on a mission and now things had become serious. I was now being counted on… and there wasn't enough time to beg Skye to take my place as I jumped into the backseat of the Jeep. Or at least it looked like a Jeep. When you were at the wheel I swear to God it might as well have been a tank. I could do this. I could do this. I… couldn't do this. I sure as hell couldn't-

"Go!" Skye shouted as I heard the back door open and someone climb inside. I released my foot from the brake and slammed on the gas pedal, only for the car to lurch a touch but not make any forward progress. "Put it in Drive! You need to put it in Drive!"

"The yelling is not an effective teaching tool!" I threw some of that energy back at her as I slammed the brake and moved the gearstick to the needed position. "Just saying!"

"They're coming," Ward's voice said from behind us and I slammed my foot down on the pedal once again. This time we went rocketing forward down the street, quickly reaching seventy miles per hour. I did my best to hold us straight and true, praying to every deity I could that there was no ice in my future because I had no semblance of control right now. I was just going like a shot, ignoring any and all signs and traffic around me. I don't think that is how driving was supposed to work though- perhaps another flaw in what I refer to as 'The Bat out of Hell' Teaching Method.

I actually thought I was doing pretty close to alright until the window shattered behind us and nearly made me steer the car into a pole and I screamed. "Just keep driving!" Ward barked before I saw in the mirror that he was leaning out the window to shoot at a black car now following us. I should really be checking these mirrors now… and my speedometer which was now at eighty-two. "Skye, you might want to consider-"

"She's fine Ward!" Skye barked from next to me, though her knuckled were white around the armrest as I made the required turn without even touching the brake and nearly hit a very nice looking house. "She's mostly close to fine!" The shooting continued on both sides, all of us shrinking down in our seats a little. "I would worry about losing them before we get to the Bus!" Then my window cracked beside me, eliciting a scream as I saw another black car clearly not abiding traffic laws as it was streaking along the lane for the other direction.

"Skye!" Ward shouted again, momentarily ducking back into the Jeep. I was pretty sure I was hyperventilating at this point; my arms shaking as another shot shattered the window for good- sending glass flying all over me. I ducked as a shot flew over my head and embedded itself in Skye's window. "Do it!"

"She's- look out!" The car beside us was now moving to hit us, swinging one way so it could come barreling into us. With only a few seconds to spare, I slammed my feet onto the brake and ground us to such a sharp halt I worried I gave everyone whiplash. I myself smacked my head on the steering wheel pretty hard, judging from the sound the horn made. The car swiped sideways into thin air and then into a fancy brick decoration for a mailbox before spinning over. "Oh my God," Skye muttered in complete disbelief as she stared at the wreckage. I couldn't believe I had managed that myself really. But there was no time to dwell on that.

"Everyone okay? Ward wasn't thrown out of the car, was he?" I asked in a loud but completely trembling voice. She looked back and as soon as I had her nod of confirmation I was off again like a bolt of lightning. I wasn't risking anyone getting that close to us again. "We are never doing this again, okay?! Consider this a very failed experiment! Next time you are taking me to a parking lot like a normal human being!"

Skye didn't seem worked up in the slightest, which annoyed me drastically more. "I don't know. You seem to be doing alright for yourself with that little stunt back there."

"Please don't encourage her," I heard Ward groan. "Knowing how to hit a brake does not make her ready to audition for James Bond just yet. We all just got really lucky." The Bus was within site now as I skidded off the road and through some brush, barreling at a pace that was tearing up the local foliage. I would have to leave a donation with the local- focus. This task really required focus right now judging by how hard the steering wheel was jerking under my hands as I desperately tried to keep it steady. I was pretty sure my heart was ready to give out at this point- trying to save the hyperventilating for when we were safe at least.

"How about we play some music?" Skye suggested as I made my way for the cargo ramp. "I stole your iPod and hooked it up to the car. Maybe that'll calm everyone-"She backed down immediately at my glare, hands going from the knob to the air in front of her. "Or we could just sit in silence. Driver's choice I guess." We were getting closer to the ramp and I started to apply the brake a little more gently this time, not wanting to damage Lola for the second time in these past few weeks by crashing into her. Coulson even appeared on the edge of it with Fitz-Simmons right behind him.

I came in a little too hot though- naturally. My idea of hitting the brake was done late and still pretty abruptly, almost like I had no teaching prior to this point. Imagine that. I ended up having to spin the wheel to avoid running the lot of them over, doing a few doughnuts in the icy terrain around us. The three of us were thrown about quite a great deal and I'm pretty sure we lost a tire on a rock judging from the pop, but eventually we came to a stop. I threw the Jeep in Park as fast as I could and nearly fell out of my door onto the nearest bush, nearly crying as I started to come down from the adrenaline. Well, I had done it. I still wasn't putting any merit in the method though and applying for a new teacher immediately.

I felt a hand under my elbow and allowed it to help me up to my feet and steady me as I staggered. "Easy, Ash. You're alright." I locked my face on Fitz's and steadied myself with a deep trembling breath. Coulson and Simmons were soon beside me as well with our leader taking in the damage the Jeep had taken during our little drive. "You did it!"

"Barely," Ward grumbled, allowing me to look at him for the first time in the last few minutes, eyes going to the folder clenched firmly in his right hand. He quickly handed it over to Coulson, smirk on his face. "But we got it though. I took everything they had."

Coulson nodded. "We'll get this back on the Bus and then take off immediately. May said everything's ready to go. We need to collect Agent Shaw as soon as possible before they act on this." Coulson hopped in the driver's seat while Ward went around the back with Skye to help with pushing. I rolled the sleeves up on my coat and went to do the same, but Coulson shook his head. "Crawford, I think you've had enough excitement for today."

"Sir, I'm-"

"I know. And despite a few scratches and shattered windows it looks like you did alright for your first outing. I'm taking it you didn't end up using it, Skye?" She shook her head as I whipped to look at her curiously. With a sigh, she produced a triggering device from her coat. "I gave her the vehicle's Autopilot feature just in case you weren't ready."

I just stared at it. "You've got to be freaking kidding me." I took a step towards her, but Fitz halted me with a tight hand on my shoulder to remind me I really didn't want to hurt her. I just thought I did right now. "I could've killed all of us and you had the power to prevent that?!"

"I didn't want to take it in the first place," Skye explained as she put it away. "It was their condition to letting me do this. But I knew all it would take was the fact that you needed to get us to safety to spur you on." She could read me like a book at this point, couldn't she? "And I think you did amazing- though I was hoping we would jog something in your head loose. There are just some minor things we need to iron out in future sessions… like using brakes properly. But I'm confident we'll get there eventually."

I went to say something again, but Coulson beat me to it. "We need to get moving. Agent Shaw is counting on us. Fitz, take Crawford back with you and we'll wrap this up." He beat me again as I started to open my mouth. "Go rest, Crawford. I know this was a lot for your first day back. You did a good job and like Skye I consider this mission to be a success."

"Thank sir, sincerely." I let Fitz give me a bit of a twirl and start to lead me towards the cargo ramp of the Bus. His pride was almost enough to make this whole experience worth it. But then I remembered the cold sweat currently dripping down my neck and how close we had cut it. "Just know I'm never doing that again because my nerves are officially shot. Next time I get a parking lot or maybe a deserted country road."

Fitz finally let go of me as we reached the sloping ramp, allowing me to put one foot in front of the other and force myself up it. It had been a week but my chest was still pretty tight when we reached the top, causing me to stop and take a few deep breaths. It was a bit of a slower road than I would have liked, but at least I was back on working missions. Progress was being made and I was no longer going insane as I alternated between the couch and my bunk. Now if only May would let me back on the mat again in some capacity rather than insisting I wasn't ready yet.

The others had done their best of course- stopping in to visit and joining me in a board game or a movie when they had some free time. I had finished the Star Wars saga with Fitz and Skye and was a little addicted I admit, actually managed to beat Simmons at Operation, cried into Ward's shoulder during Good Will Hunting, and even managed to hold my own in a game of checkers with Coulson. He said I was the most graceful loser I had ever seen. They all took care of me in their own way and it made me eternally grateful to each and every single one of them for caring so much.

Fitz had been my rock though, practically gluing himself to my side when I wasn't dead to the world. He was always trying to make me smile and laugh in some capacity, keeping things light and proving himself to be the right choice in my best friend as he bounced around the place to keep me happy. I had told him he didn't need to do this out of guilt for the past week, but he had just given me a hard stare and kept on doing what he was. He almost seemed to keep me anchored to the ground, being much more comfortable in being around me than he had been before this whole mess. He seemed more confident in speaking up and sharing what was on his mind. There was also a lot more touching for a guy who previously hadn't been thrilled by physical contact. He always was ready to steady me somehow with a hand on the arm or shoulder and just leaving it there. Maybe all it had taken was seeing my equipment- no. He made it a point to try really hard to keep his eyes locked on my face these days.

But I couldn't help but notice his relationship with Simmons seemed to do the opposite. Their relationship seemed to be the same on the surface, but I caught the glances her way. I caught the fact that he stuttered much more around her these days and held his tongue when she talked in a way that he never had before. No one else seemed to catch on at this point, especially her. Now I had my suspicions as to what this meant, but I didn't want to become the Bus gossip. It just wouldn't surprise me that he started to evaluate some feelings after nearly losing her. It almost seemed inevitable as I couldn't picture either of them with anyone else- his no longer present crush on Skye included. But I kept my mouth shut. If it was true, then I was confident he would tell me for himself since I was his Girl Talk companion and all.

We made our way through the Bus to my bunk, where I fell onto my bed with my back against the wall. He stood looking down at me for a second, eyes glancing over to the squeaking wheel on my dresser as Cheesetauri got his daily exercise in. Simmons had been reluctant to hand him over, but a little groveling from Fitz and my new pet mouse was living the good life in my room the next day. He had even gone back on his word and taken care of him the first few days of my recovery, talking me through the ins and outs of being a good pet owner and newfound responsibility. Not that I needed help in getting attached to the little guy after I looked in on him for the first time. I just felt like we had an understanding about what we had both been through, and he certainly made the room less lonely when I needed someone to talk to. I was ultimately a girl with her first pet and I was absolutely in love with him. Everything he did was cute even when it wasn't.

Everyone on the Bus I think worried I took it a little too far by carrying him around with me quite a bit- and by a bit I mean pretty much everywhere but the bathroom. I never let him leave my hands if I could help it, but for some people that just didn't seem to be enough. So after he managed to crawl across the table and mix up some data during one Briefing the poor guy had been place under house arrest. But they seemed okay since he made me so happy to keep him around despite not being rodent fans.

"Anything, um, come back to you?" he asked after a moment as he took a seat next to me, leaning his head back against the wall as well. He frowned when I shook my head.

"Skye seemed convinced it would, being in that situation, but it's still just as lonely up there as ever." I gently tapped my knuckles on my noggin, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. Because I was starting to get frustrated, especially with how hard the team was now rallying to see if the smallest thing could help me out. I had once sat in the lab while Fitz-Simmons assaulted my nostrils with different smells in the hopes something would stick. Ward had guided me over maps in the hopes a location would sound familiar and give us a starting point. Even Coulson and May were asking questions- hoping something got pried loose just enough for it all to come flooding back to me. They also seemed to be trying to get through to Fury on their separate channels, though neither seemed to be having any success. If he knew something he was content keeping it to himself. Everyone took a time-out from a joke or statement to fill me in on what it meant meaning I at least knew where the term 1.21 gigawatts came from now. Hooray for me.

The only one who didn't seem to care as much as the others… was me actually. I was okay with the ways things were now. I was happy where I belonged with my team and doing something that felt important. And I felt like whoever I was might just drag that down in a way. What if I had a husband and kids? What about my parents? I seriously doubted I told them about this whole adventure. Would finding them again mean I would be wanted there more than here as my team was desperate for me to reconnect? The concept that I also might just have been a straight up God awful person had crossed my mind as well too. We could find out who I was and then come to see me as some sort of monster. There were so many possibilities and I found each scarier than the last.

Ultimately, I trusted myself enough to know I had done this for a reason. I had believed in something and that was good enough for me. If they came back then they came back. The scenario didn't have to be forced. But it's hard to tell your friends that when they're trying so hard to fix what they see as a broken piece of you that you should have.

I felt a hand on my knee that pulled me out of my thoughts. Fitz was the only one I had opened up to how I was feeling about all this, though I don't think he really understood just how much it haunted me. He had merely assured me my feelings were legitimate and warranted which seemed to be enough to keep me from losing my mind about the whole topic. When I felt like I was being suffocated by the whole ordeal all I had to do was flash a look at him and he found some excuse to get us out of there. It kept me from lashing out at anyone which I couldn't appreciate more because they were all just trying to help in the end. I was the one who wasn't being normal.

I leaned my head on his shoulder, blonde hair serving as a pillow. The last few hours were really starting to hit me, and despite my swearing up and down I was fine these days… I was so totally lying. "Don't let me fall asleep on you this time, okay?"

"Of course not."

"I'm fine and don't need to."

"Sure you don't, Ash."

"I mean it, Lee. You're not going to be stuck here while I use your neck as a pillow."

He sighed, knowing I wasn't letting it go. "I promise I won't."

He totally did- the big fat liar.

XXX

I woke up to find that I had been out for a few hours, during which time I had been moved to lie down on my pillow and a cover thrown on top of me. Which meant something must have happened that he needed to take care of, but it hadn't been urgent enough for them to find it necessary to wake me. Because I hope Coulson would have if I was needed.

I made my way into the living room area to find Fitz and Skye both working away on their various devices at one of the booths by a window, three cups of coffee on the table with them. I couldn't help my smile as I grabbed the third, taking a sip before speaking. "What's going on?"

"Ward, May, and Coulson recovered Shaw," Skye informed me, setting her tablet down to look at me. "Simmons has him in the lab. They have to do something gross that Fitz is afraid to be there for."

"I'm not… "He could tell neither of us was going to believe him, so he quickly gave up. "They're removing a capsule of information he smuggled… up his nose. By paranasal extraction or sticking a tool up his nose and pulling it out." I cringed and he gestured towards me. "Exactly that face! So I have no plans of being there. I'll take care of the information when Coulson brings it to me… after sterilizing it."

"No problems with Shaw though? Nothing I really should have been woken up for?" I asked, taking another sip.

They both shook their heads. Just then, we all seemed to converge together. Coulson stepped into the room from the lab with Simmons following behind him still in her lab coat just as May and Ward entered from the other way still in their mission gear, stopping their conversation as they saw who else was here. Coulson gave me a look and I just nodded, conveying that I was doing alright. He never pushed past that, knowing I wouldn't be able to lie to him if I wanted him to.

Fitz rose, stepping towards him. "Ah. Good. Done with the paranasal extraction nonsense. Do you need me to analyze the data?"

"That won't be necessary," Coulson stepped past the group of us. Skye, a little confused from the expression she flashed, rose and faced his back as Simmons came to a stop next to me.

"If it's encrypted, I can mine the chip for him."

He turned back to all of us. "I'm afraid this mission's classified. Clearance level eight."

"Ah," Simmons nodded like that made complete sense as the others seemed to concur.

Skye seemed really put out it though, muttering, "Uh." I shot my hand into the air.

"Fake clearance levels do not count, Crawford," he said with a fond smile that grew as I dropped it with a playful frown. "Everyone get ready for transport to the Hub." The Hub? Really? Oh boy. With that, he continued towards his office, leaving everyone else to go about their business. Fitz seemed ready to follow Simmons back into lab, Ward was checking his tablet while May was about to look through a folder. Everyone seemed perfectly happy except Skye.

"Wait. What? He can just shut us out of the process like that?" she questioned, halting everyone to look at her. I just took a sip of my coffee, not really keen of being left out but trusting Coulson enough in what he believed needed to be done. Plus, I didn't really have room to argue with protocol as the civilian who knew a lot of skeletons in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s closet I probably shouldn't have.

"Well, he did say the mission is level eight," Fitz shrugged, not seeing the issue.

"And we're not," Simmons added, "so we can't know about it."

"Right, but this is normally the part where we all stand around the holocom and we learn about stuff." So that's what that thing was called. Store that way for later. "Ashleigh, especially you should agree with me that-"

"I am staying firmly out of this," I quickly dodged, sitting in the spot Fitz had vacated with my cup of coffee.

"Fine. But, aren't we all on the same team?"

"No need to get started on one of your socialist rifts," Fitz quipped, earning a giggle from the group. I swatted him in the side without even looking. "What?"

"Be nice to her. She doesn't understand, so help her understand rather than make fun of her. How else is she supposed to become an Agent?"

"Get amnesia, tattoo her wrist, and show up in Fury's office," Ward said with crossed arms. I rolled my eyes at him.

"You're hysterical. Come on. Somebody step up."

"Why don't you explain it to her then?" May asked with a raised eyebrow at me.

"Because I'm drinking this coffee, May," I fired back before taking a large sip and burning my tongue. Everyone could see that but I tried to hold it together, emitting a chorus of laughter from the group as May just shook her head. "Plus I might not really know myself," I choked, fanning my tongue.

Simmons seemed to take my words to heart, taking a step forward. "S.H.I.E.L.D.'s who infrastructure is based on hierarchy and compartmentalization of knowledge."

"Every agent can't have the intel on every mission," Ward added. "Makes the entire organization vulnerable." With that, he seemed to consider the conversation closed. He walked off with Fitz-Simmons continuing their trek to the lab. Skye didn't seem won over though.

"Okay, fine, but if I just fought my way out of an underground Siberian prison, I'd kind of want to know what for."

May approached her, ready to tell it to her straight as the last resort. "Coulson's got you used to the plane, the way we do mission here. The Hub is different." And then she was on her way out as well, leaving just the two of us.

"The Hub?" She turned to me. "What's the Hub?"

"It's kind of what the name implies- the center of operations. Where everything happens and originates. The only building more important to the organization is the Triskelion in D.C., but that's just because that's where the high-ups have their office and is the face of the place. The Hub is the brain and where the magic really happens." She nodded, sitting across from me again. "See, wasn't that hard to explain? I don't want to know why it's so traumatizing to them." I shook my head, earning a small smile from her.

"Do you really think it's okay that we can just be shut out like that? Between us."

"I… I trust Coulson," was all I could say. It was really all I had and wanted to dwell on. Maybe part of me felt like Skye did and really didn't want to so I was hiding behind the fact. But it was what I was sticking to. She seemed to get as much staring at me before turning back to her tablet. I kept sipping my coffee, ignoring my throbbing tongue, and trying to avoid the window as we began to take off.

After a beat, she slid my iPod towards me. "I grabbed it from the Jeep." I smiled in thanks and went to stick it into my jeans pocket. "There's a lot of Johnny Cash on there, don't you think."

"I've been a little obsessed since Fitz and I watched _Walk the Line_. It was my first movie… and I think my favorite one so far. Him and June… my heart." I noticed Skye was staring at me with an expression I couldn't quite place. "What?"

"Nothing," she said a little too quickly, looking down again.

"Ashleigh!" I looked up to see Simmons at the door that led to the lab. "I was wondering if I could get a blood sample."

"Another one?" I couldn't help but let slip. This would be like the fifth time in a week.

"Yes. I think I might have a new way that could possibly-"

"I think May was looking for her in the cockpit though," Fitz cut in, though I couldn't see him. "At least… that's what I heard. Really important. But then she fell asleep."

I rose, silently thanking him. "That's right. I almost forgot. I need to go do that. Then I'll be with you Simmons." She nodded, accepting this as I made my way to the cockpit with the plans to just hide there with May in silence. Fitz had at least bought me until after the trip to the Hub. I was excited to see it for the first time after all I had read about it.

I didn't think about the obvious until I took the seat next to May and she spoke up to my surprise. Usually these rides were done in complete silence. That's why I hid here. The sentence: "Maybe while we're at the Hub we can see if they have any answers on you." And then she was silent for the rest of the flight as I sat next to her, silently panicking and trying not to hyperventilate. Because there might actually be answers now and I don't know if I want them.

Well, here we go.

XXX

I made my way down the cargo ramp, doing my best not to trip in the heeled boots I had put on. The Hub called for appropriate attire and I was still playing the part of an Agent to the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. so I needed to look the part. I had thrown a nicer black sweater over a button-up white shirt, a pair of black pant with brown leather heeled boots, and even went through the trouble of slightly curling my hair and draping it over one shoulder. Ward had reminded me about my badge, which was clipped to the sweater with my face staring out- that awful shot I had not given Hill permission to use. Maybe I could change it while I was here. It might have all been a bit much, but I could play pretend for a few hours, especially for the chance to see the place unhindered as Level 7 Agent Crawford.

Skye was at the bottom, staring in shock at all the people working around us. Coulson was seizing the chance while the Bus was parked to have it checked over and stocked with new supplies. He had promised me this included a generous addition to my Pop Tart supply- though it may mean a dent in my paycheck. Which was fine by me. As far as I knew, I wasn't getting paid.

"Wow," she spoke up when I stopped next to her. She glanced at me and gave me an approving nod. "Wow." I waved a hand at her in dismissal. "I didn't know you were capable of doing anything with your hair except putting it in a ponytail." She looked out over the place as the others came up next to us, Ward back in his suit while the others had cleaned up a bit and put on crisper clothes saved just for the occasion. He gave me a quick once over and I did my best to keep from feeling uncomfortable at his gaze.

"So this is the Hub? The group of us… well you dressing like we work in an office building?"

Coulson started out of the hangar, and we followed him into the largest hallway I had ever seen in my life. People were literally everywhere running this way and that. We were able to form a straight line walking shoulder to should down it the seven of us and leave plenty of room for others to go about their business. I looked to see Skye in even greater shock than before. "No. This is the Hub."

"Didn't realize big brother was this big."

"I'm honestly a little overwhelmed myself," I admitted, trying to show she wasn't completely out floating by herself. This was my first visit too.

Simmons smirked from next to us, clearly at home amongst the controlled chaos. I wonder how often the others had been here. "Oh, this is nothing. Wait until you see the Triskelion."

"Everyone's wearing the same suit," Skye commented with an obvious dig meant as Ward because of course she was. "Someone tell me why, please?" We walked up to a desk where a row of glowing passes were displayed, each one with a name typed across it. I quickly grabbed the one meant for me and followed Coulson around the turn, trying not to stare at anything so long I fell behind.

"Do I get one?" Skye questioned, stepping up to Coulson. She seemed to be a little insecure now that we were in such a large setting and she felt like she was being left out. I mean, we both weren't Agents, but only one of us was being treated that way. I could understand why she was so defensive.

"You holding up okay?" Fitz said from next to me. "You're, um, teetering quite a bit on those heels. I'm just making sure it's the heels and not you."

I put a hand on his arm. "It's the heels, Lee. Trust me. Plus, maybe a bit of nerves about what we may find while we're here." He seemed to catch my true meaning and gave me a reassuring glance.

"It'll be fine." We reached a sliding door where a bald man in glasses emerged.

"Agent Sitwell," Coulson greeted. Sitwell smiled but I almost swore he looked past him to look at me for a moment, as if registering I was there. I tried to slide closer to the group and blend in.

"Agent Coulson," he smiled and shook Coulson's hand. "Good to see you feeling better. Agent Hand's waiting for you in the situation room."

"And she doesn't like to wait," Coulson continued.

"So you know her?"

"Only her reputation," he told Sitwell as they made their way over to the scanning panel on the wall. "After you."

"Your level sevens can join us in the briefing," Sitwell informed him as he held his hand up to the screen and it glowed green as the doors opened. Coulson followed, but as Skye put her wrist band to the device it made an awful noise and went red. She tried to pull it free and I ran forward to help her, pulling it free as Coulson came back to us.

"Is this your subtle way of saying I can't come with?" she questioned, shaking her wrist out.

"We'll be back," was the only answer he gave before vanishing again, May and Ward behind him. I suddenly felt a shove of my shoulder and turned to see Simmons staring at me with wide eyes.

"Ashleigh, you're Level Seven," she reminded me. "You should follow them."

"Oh. Right." I flashed my badge and the screen glowed green. I gave Skye a sympathetic look. "I will tell you everything, okay?" She nodded and I glanced at the two scientists who looked envious that I was going to meet Victoria Hand herself. "Listen, I'm sorry that as level fives-"

"It's fine. Just go," Simmons insisted, and with that I stepped through the door. I had to jog a bit to catch up with the group, pulling beside Ward just as we were about to enter another glass door with a map painted on it.

"Don't let me do anything stupid please," I whispered to him as we stepped through.

"Something tells me despite my efforts that might just be impossible," he muttered back, just a hint of a smile on his face. We seemed to have settled into this routine- one of two people who just couldn't resist making digs at one another despite the fact I actually liked the guy. I just couldn't let him know that because then it would no longer be fun. And luckily right now it was keeping my nerves under control as I flashed him a glare and earned another smirk.

The glass doors opened to reveal the woman of the hour- a very severe looking woman with glasses and a few streaks of red in her hair. Yet those didn't seem to dial back her stern demeanor in the slightest or take an edge off of her. She still had plenty of them from the stories I'd read.

I was about to step through when I felt a hand grab my arm and stop me. I was pulled closer to Agent Sitwell, whose kind demeanor had faded a bit as his face became very close to my own. It was a bit uncomfortable honestly. "Agent Sitwell, I need to-"

"What you need, Ashleigh Crawford is to come see me tonight at this location." I felt something be slipped into my pocket. "Fury hasn't been honest with any of you. I can give you the truth if you come meet me. I promise."

I didn't like this situation at all, but maybe it was just the fact that my heart was beating like ten times faster at his words. "And what if I don't want to know?" I couldn't help but ask in my most dangerous voice. I don't know if he was being creepy or if my brain was painting it that way because it wanted out of this whole thing.

"Trust me. I've seen what he found. You want to know." And with that he was suddenly pulling away from me, though his eyes were still intensely locked on mine. It was like a war as the two of us just stared one another down, me desperately trying to figure out what was going on here. My pocket almost seemed to be burning. "Coulson will be waiting for you," he gestured to the door. And then I vanished down the hallway, leaving me with very conflicting emotions. Was he serious? He seemed to be. I mean he was a fellow Agent like me, so was he just being intense to get the point across? Was it all in my head? What were these-?

I needed to stop. I forced myself through the glass doors, doing my best to slide right into the conversation. But Hand immediately locked on me and her face tightened. "She shouldn't be here."

I nearly panicked, but Coulson took control of the situation before my brain could fuddle together a response. "I'm sorry, but Agent Crawford is-"

"She's nothing," Hand cut him off curtly. She looked me over. "You're forgetting that I am behind only Hand, Fury, and Pierce in terms of seniority. I know all about his new pet project and I have no plans to put up with it on something this classified." She looked everyone over. "And I'm guessing the group of you already knew judging by the lack of reaction. I was hoping I was going to be able to break it you, but I'm not surprised she couldn't keep a secret a few months."

"I can go," I offered, not wanting to complicate things even further. I was already mixed up without being personally attacked by Agent Hand. "I'll just go find Skye and-"

"Stay," Coulson ordered. "Agent Hand, Crawford is a member of my team as you know personally assigned by Director Fury. He clearly wants her to be here and I would hate to report a lack of cooperation on your part in following his commands and desires."

She just stared at him before shaking her head. "Damn you for being his favorite Coulson. If you were anyone else…" She glared at me one last time before resuming her expressionless mask. "As I was saying, I need a two-man team to sneak across the disputed border undetected, break into the separatist stronghold, and disable the weapon in the next twenty-four hours." Looks like I had missed quite a bit. "And you have two people who fit my bill." Coulson turned to look at May and Ward, who looked quite proud of themselves I must say.

"Not a problem," Ward smiled. "I was in Georgia during the incursion in '08. I still have contacts on the South Ossetian border."

"And you'll have to use them. But we don't have specs on that device, so I need someone on the team who can identify and dismantle it on-site." I quickly realized she meant someone other than May, and I think I made the conclusion faster than Ward did judging by his face.

"Do you mean…"

"I think she does," Coulson agreed.

"Agent Fitz will be accompanying you," she clarified. "We will get the two of you ready and then prepare to ship out. You all are dismissed." Coulson nodded and led us out of the room without another word- I ducked my head down to avoid looking at Hand and her saying something else to me. Ward still clearly is a degree of shock as we made our way down the hallway and I really needed to feel better.

"So you and Fitz? This must be like a dream come true for you."

He didn't want to bite though, choosing a more serious route. "Don't worry, Crawford. I'll keep an eye on him."

I snorted. "I actually think he'll be the one who needs to save your ass, Ward," I joked as we came upon the others, just in time to see Fitz be locked in the eternal battle with a cart loaded with various tools and supplies and a sliding glass door.

"It's stuck! The cart's stuck. That's unbelievable. What the hell?! Who designed this?! In the Hub of all places." I literally had to cover my mouths with my hands as the uncontrollable giggling started.

"As long as there are no doors like that, you should be fine." He clearly wasn't playing along, so I decided to go for a moment of honesty. "Hey, it's better than being stuck here with Victoria Hand. She's a real-"

"I let you do something stupid," he didn't let me get to the best word.

"And what was that?"

"You didn't even try to argue with Hand, and that wasn't like Agent Crawford at all, especially when it comes to learning about what her team will be going through. She didn't put her big mouth to use for once and fight for herself."

"It wouldn't have worked. She knows."

"Trust me, it still works," he disagreed. "I don't know what happened, but don't let this place overwhelm you. You should be here and offering to leave the room isn't going to help her believe that."

I frowned. "Why do you have to be right? It sucks when you're right." I took a beat, contemplating two members of my team being pulled from us for what seemed to be a pretty dangerous scenario. And then I remembered the fact that this would be my first real time away from either of them before pulling him into an unexpected hug. "Both of you need to come back in one piece. You have my permission to kill as many bad guys as you need to do that, okay? Don't even try talking to them; just mow them down so you can get home."

"I appreciate that, Crawford. Don't worry," he pulled away. "You're stuck with me." He looked past me to where Fitz seemed to have pulled himself through the door finally with Skye and Simmons's assistance. "And it looks like I'm stuck with him."

"Be patient with him," I held up my lecturing finger. "He's just going to want to impress you and show you that he can do it. He looks up to you, Ward, and that's a pretty big responsibility for you as well. Plus, he's a very talented Agent and you're lucky to have him."

"I'll do my best," he managed, both of us watching as Fitz tripped over the cart and was sent sprawling to the floor, making the both of us cringe.

XXX

A few hours later, I was standing in front of the holocom; see I used the word, with Ward, May, and Coulson. I had changed back into my normal clothes of jeans, sneakers, and a sweater because Ward was right. Screw Agent Hand and trying to impress her. I was who I was and I think I'd been doing pretty alright with that so far with being a part of this team. It hadn't kept her of locking me out of all Level Seven files while it seemed I was here though. I was tempted to go and give her a piece of my mind.

Though I still had that piece of paper now burning a hole in my jeans pocket. I hadn't quite decided what to do with it yet and was maybe avoiding the point by thinking about this mission. I wasn't going on it, but I wasn't about to take my head out of the game. There might be a him I needed to save somehow here so I was at my most vigilant for my boys. I had to make sure this looked more like a plan and less like a trap. I was clearly already fretting about the two of them.

May pointed on the map. "You need to disable the overkill device by 0600 tomorrow in order to prevent the separatist attack. Once you signal S.H.I.E.L.D., the extraction team will get you both out."

Ward nodded before looking at Coulson who had something to add. "Take care of him."

"Of course, sir." With that, a bounding Fitz came into the room clearly ready to get going. His pack was filled to the brim and it looked like Simmons had made sure he actually zipped the jacket for once. He almost seemed too enthusiastic at the prospect for my liking, maybe because he should be stuck on this same roller coaster I am. He didn't need to try and be this great Agent or hero that he already was. He just had better be careful out there and not do anything stupid so he came back to me… us. Us.

"More moving, less talking, Agent Ward," he announced. "Time's not on our side." And with that he was headed out the other side, but not before giving a meaningful glance back to Simmons who had followed with Skye. I had tried to stay out of the way as the two of them packed, not wanting to be intrusive if he wanted his best friend to calm some of his nerves. But as he exited I knew I couldn't just let him go without anything at all, so I ran after him before Ward could follow. He seemed to sense we needed a moment and hung back.

"Lee!" He turned just as I tackled him in a hug that nearly sent him onto the couch. "I know you're going to be fine and come back, but just make sure it's in one, good, solid piece." We held each other for another moment before I pulled away. "Just remember that you're brilliant. You can run circles around the whole lot of them. And try to keep Ward from getting his ass kicked too much. You're already a hero to me and everyone here. You don't need to go and prove it or something." To Ward it had been a joke, but here I realized I meant it. I had no doubt Fitz could hold his own and I think the way he smiled at me he could see that.

"You really think I'm going to be fine?"

"I'd put an entire box of Pop Tarts on it." He gave me a quick hug again, not realizing I had slipped a whole box in his bag earlier when he left it unaccompanied. It was the least I could do I supposed. And then it was like a piece of me was with him. And I seemed to be helping him with some of the jitters he was doing a much better job hiding than me actually. And I wasn't the one going on this mission.

"Oh, something fell out of your pocket," he noticed when we pulled apart, bending down to pick it up.

"Thanks," I grabbed it, frowning. He clearly noticed this and I knew he wasn't leaving without my explaining it. "Agent Sitwell gave it to me. He said… he said he wants to meet and give me some answers that Fury's hiding from me."

He reacted immediately, hands flailing about. "That's fantastic! Oh, I wish I could be there with you. You will have to tell me everything when you get back. I can't believe it. You might find out who you were." I tried to force a smile. "This is a good thing, Ash. Whatever it is doesn't change who you are now. It'll just give you some piece of mind, especially if there's someone out there looking for you. And this might mean the end of all this searching from the team. You might avoid getting stuck by Simmons again."

"I guess. It's just-"

"Ash, I know you're happy here… with all of us. But, uh, I'm trying to figure out how to say this. Um, of course you don't miss what you don't have. But imagine finally knowing where you came from and having a spot in the universe where you began. And maybe it'll give you some information about why you did this- something concrete. As a scientist I can't say enough for the concrete."

I fondly gave him a swat on the arm. Leave it to Fitz to nearly talk me, the one who talks for a living, into something. "I promise I will… think about visiting him," I managed, not able to fully commit. He seemed to accept this though. "And when you get back we will have a nice Girl Talk before finally watching this _Back to the Future_ film you're desperate for me to see." Another nod and smile, the both of us trying to appear like our first real separation was no big deal but obviously struggling with that fact.

"Ash." I looked up and he gave me the wave, the wave I had received the very first day I had walked on here. It was enough that I was able to breathe again. With that, I backed away from him with a wave before turning to head back to join the girls in the lab. This was how this needed to work. I had to trust Coulson and he trusted this plan. Fitz and Ward would be fine.

I grabbed my tablet from my room plus Cheesetauri since a parked Bus I was sure was permission to remove him from his prison and took a seat in the lab, doing my best to ignore the sounds of everyone moving about the Bus to get supplies on and off. Of course all my real information had been locked, but I did my best to navigate and gather the information about Hand that I could. I wasn't going back into the Hub without something intelligent to say.

Skye just played around on her tablet, distracted, and Simmons was making sure our new friends kept everything in the controlled chaos they had created together. She seemed to be quite the nervous wreck so I tried to flash her as many reassuring smiles as I could and sometimes go over for some comforting words and a few quips. It didn't seem to stop her pacing though… or Skye's sulking. And so it went for hours through a circular motion of all of us trying to keep ourselves from going crazy about the boys… or myself at this meeting. I decided to go and not to go close to a million times in my own head. Cheesetauri just hung out on the table, running this way and that without a care in the world. It was comforting to have him near though. May even stopped in after a while it looked like to do some tallies on various things, merely giving me a look that made me put me end my mouse's day out and put him back in his cage with an apology.

"Please be careful," Simmons addressed the Agents as I came back in, preventing something from falling as they blew past. She laughed to herself as she tucked the object in her bag. "Can you imagine what Fitz would do if the night-night gun was broken when he came back?" She took a moment, sighing. "Surely he'll be okay out there, right?"

"Of course he will be," I chimed in. "He will look after Ward and vice versa. The two of them were picked for this mission because Hand knew they could do it."

"Maybe we could get an update on their mission though," Skye added, looking up at me in a way that I knew instantly what she wanted.

"I can't help you. I'm fake Level Seven so Hand took the liberty of locking me out of all the files. Sorry. Can't do anything for you." I was honestly relieved of the fact. I didn't want Skye getting all of us in trouble with her determination. She needed to wait like the rest of us for the next development.

"Agent May?" she turned her attention. I rolled my eyes at her attempt, completely unsurprised when May didn't even flinch or look at her. "Does that mean that you do know something and you can't tell us, or that you don't know anything? Which non-expression is this?"

"Skye," I chided her, thinking she was taking this frustration too far. She merely shrugged at me, but had at least earned May's attention.

"We know what we're supposed to. When we have more information, we'll react." She looked around before closing her folder, completely calm and in control. "All right, clear out. I need to run some diagnostics, then reboot." Everyone instantly heeded her words, heading down the cargo ramp of the Bus. "That means the three of you as well. Keep them out of trouble, Crawford."

I nodded as Skye angrily grabbed her laptop and stalked down the cargo ramp with a nervous Simmons following and myself at the rear with my tablet. When we reached the bottom she rounded on the two of us- fire in her eyes. "You guys may be okay with being in the dark, but I'm not into it. I need answers." Here we go. Oh, why did May stick me with this job?

"Skye-"

"And I know just the person who has them," she ignored me. Simmons seemed lost, but I instantly knew who she planned on pestering.

"Just leave Coulson out of this. He's busy running this entire operation. Just trust him and wait. Maybe we could play a game of checkers or use all this fancy machinery to test my blood." Anything to distract them. Literally anything.

"I trust him," Skye admitted. "Completely." Thank God. "It's the system here I don't trust. So I'm going to go see if we can get some information. Stay behind me." And with that she went tearing off towards the main halls of the Hub. Simmons turned to look at me, ready to do whatever I did but clearly having a preference.

"Come on." We started out as well. "We need to keep her from being thrown out of here for her morbid curiosity." We managed to pick up her trail pretty easily and managed to hang back as she talked to Coulson with seemingly very frustrating results by the time he walked away, hiding behind a pillar like a couple of idiots so he didn't spot us too and think we were in on this.

"How did it go?" Simmons asked as we came up to where she had been left standing in the middle of the hallway. I folded my arms, completely smug at being right judging by the look on her face.

"Nothing. He's acting like a robot version of himself right now." She suddenly thought of something and turned towards the two of us. "If we want the truth, we've got to get it ourselves."

"No," I shot her down. "No, we are not. We are here representing Coulson and his team. I will not have the two of you drag his reputation here through the mud by getting us into trouble. We are going to find somewhere, sit there, and wait for Coulson and May to give us information."

"Who put you in charge?" Skye questioned harshly. I knew she was lashing out in frustration, but I met her determination with my own.

"I did since I'm being the most logical one here. I'm keeping us all from being court martialed or worse. You're on the Bus by a thread Skye. You can't afford to do anything."

Skye turned to Simmons. "Well, Simmons is the only real Agent here. It should be her choice."

She shook her head. "I can't be part of your bad-girl shenanigans. I like following the rules and doing what's expected of me. It makes me feel nice."

"Simmons, wake up! Ashleigh, you too. Ward and Fitz went on a top-secret, two-man operation, and look. There are more men. And either it's a bigger deal and they're not telling us, or something went wrong out there. And maybe there's nothing we can do to help, but we got to know if there is." I wasn't buying this but was worried at how Simmons was taking it. I needed a plan. "What if they're injured or being tortured somewhere right now? I know you wouldn't want that with how much you care about him." Why was she looking at me while she said that? She was playing to the wrong crowd for certain. We can ask her about her unusual tactics later though. Right now I needed a plan.

Fantastic. "Fitz. Tortured," Simmons spoke slowly. Skye had her. I need to get us out of here right now. And then I remembered the paper in my pocket.

"I have a private meeting with Agent Sitwell," I added suddenly, earning both of their attention. "He's level eight at the least and he wants to meet with me to talk about the whole… situation with my noggin."

"He has something?" Simmons asked, clearly hopeful.

"He seems to think so," I nodded. "So I am going to meet him, and if the two of you swear you will just hold tight in the meantime I will get the information out of him in a way that doesn't require us to do anything we shouldn't be. I asked and he told me. It's on him and we've done nothing wrong." I looked at the two of them. "Deal?"

"Deal," Simmons agreed immediately. "I like this plan. It makes me feel that nice feeling I was describing. Plus, we might find out who you are which is especially exciting." I turned to Skye now, not folding under her glare in the slightest. I was the one in charge here and we all knew it.

"Fine," she gave in, crossing her arms.

"I mean it, Skye. I won't be able to watch you while I'm in there, so I'm trusting you to keep your word on this. Sit down and stay put."

"I promise I will sit down and stay put." I was begrudging, but I would take it. With that, I pulled the piece of paper out of my jean pocket and went to a directory to find where I needed to go, leaving and trusting the two of them to sit down and behave. God, I hope this trust was well-placed.

Once I was out of sight of them though it all became about the fact that I actually had to do this now. I actually had to go to this meeting now. I had to face what I was about to learn. My stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels and I tried to control my breathing. It was going to be fine. Just fine. It wasn't like I had once been an assassin killing innocent people that had been reformed rather than killed, right? That had never happened here before.

Oh wait. Never mind. Totally happened.

Shit.

XXX

 _Hello. I know it's been a while, but I ran into some writer's block while on the road this chapter and wanted to make sure it wasn't just words but the rights words for shaping the journey ahead I plan to take. So I thank you all for your patience in the meanwhile. Exciting things are happening and I can't wait to continue going forward with a new spark, especially after seeing that premiere for this season. It is impossible to watch without picturing where Ashleigh will be the whole time. But thank you all for being the best fans there are and waiting so patiently. I'm going to make it worth it._

 _Some have asked for who I would picture and cast as the lovely Ashleigh Crawford so I would like to also provide that today. I consider my inspiration for her to be the lovely and talented Britt Robertson._

 _Thank you to those who have favorited this story in the meantime. It means an immense deal you consider this to be the cream of the crop. I continuously shocked how much this story continues to grow. So thank you: necko313, FoxBlu, makeyouloveme, stromrunner74, Owlhandler, Carla-Leigh, Panda Nyxus, Dementedmelody, Jess54325, PrewalShadeX, Free. If You Believe, marvelpaperfiction, Evolution3.1, MikaNerd14, The mad wolf, sofialorido272, Lara Barnes, RiverWinchester, klutzygal12, 722alycat, midnight1221, ingisned, and queen 6404._

 _Thank you to all those who have followed this story, even during a longer than intended hiatus. I hope to be setting off your mailboxes more consistently from here on out. So thank you necko 313, FoxBlu, etatheta, makeyouloveme, Carla-Leigh, Blondie 24-7, Owlhandler, littlelovelylottie, AlisonArlington, Jess54325, PrewalShadeX, Free. If You Believe, marvelpaperfiction, EvilWereWolf18, Lara Barnes, Evolution3.1, DWgeek2010, MikaNerd13, The mad wolf, AllyBxoxo, Arianna Mitoko, TOASTERLLAMA, .Stories, Arinlienetter, K. , midnight1221, ingisned, and klutzygal12._

 _And thank you to my lovely reviewers who kept me going as I struggled at bit with such kind words and pushing. Thank you: necko212, Connie Weasley, Enecs, GiraffePanda2, MulishaMaiden, DarknessHitsMe, HoneyBunnyLemon, NessyBooEvans, TOASTERLLAMA, Guest, and klutzygal12. A special thank-you to NessieBooEvans who really worked to get my rear in gear. I save every review so thank you all for being the best._


	16. For Her Boys

_For Her Boys_

It took a bit of navigating, maybe I was turning myself around on purpose was a thought that crossed my mind, but I finally reached the area where Sitwell intended to meet me. It was an office that could only be reached by displaying my badge to a glass door and walking down a long empty hallway. Literally the only sound was that of my footsteps as I made my way over, thankful I was now in my sneakers instead of the clacking heels. Because this place was sending a chill up my spine and I wanted to have every advantage I could no matter how small.

I was struck by the door though when I reached it. Every door in this place was glass. Sure it was glass with a giant obstructing map on it to hide the screens inside, but it was still the concept of openness- that no one was hiding anything. But this door… this door was solid oak painted black. A gold 934, the number I was looking for, was bolted to it and stuck out like a sore thumb against the darkness. But it was just a door- there were no windows for this room at all in the hallway, no way I could peek inside before announcing my presence. No way for anyone to know I was in there. It was so different from the rest of the Hub it kind of scared me.

Skye and Jemma knew where this was. I had told them the number. If they needed to they could run to Coulson or May and storm the place for me. But of course that wouldn't be necessary because everything was going to be just fine. I was going to have a nice talk with Sitwell, learn some things, and then go about the rest of my life hopefully never seeing him in this capacity again. I reached for the doorknob, but I naturally froze at the thought of actually learning who I was.

But then I remembered the real reason I was here. I needed to get that information for Skye and Jemma so they didn't do anything stupid. I needed to make sure Fitz and Ward were alright, because according to my wrist that was my job. Those were my boys and I wasn't about to let anyone pull a fast one on them if I could help it. So I pushed past all my personal demons in one fell swoop and pictured Fitz and Ward back on the Bus with a smile on their face to give me the courage to push that door open.

It was a pretty standard conference room- back rug, white walls, a large table that looked to seat up to twelve or so, and a larger television screen on one of the walls with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo emblazoned on it. Completely normal and somehow that was not what I had been expecting at all. Sitwell was on the end opposite the door, sitting completely casual with a drink in his hand. At the sight of me he rose with a large smile on his face. I didn't move an inch from the door.

"Agent Crawford," he greeted. "I was starting to wonder if you were going to come."

"I almost didn't," I admitted, doing my best to keep my features completely schooled. I needed to pretend I was May right now. Treat this how she would treat it. Don't give him an inch or a clue as to what I was thinking. "It was very much a spur of the moment decision. Plus, this place is quite hard to find."

"Well, I'm glad you did come. I think I can be a huge help to you. Come in and have a seat," he gestured to the various chairs at the table. I locked onto the one closest to me, sitting in it as efficiently and quietly as I could with the door shutting itself behind me. I needed to appear comfortable but still be capable of bolting at any moment without him expecting. "Can I get you something to drink? I don't know if you've had Scotch yet, so I managed to grab-"

"No thank you," I cut him off while trying to be polite. "Just some water please." Water I had no intention to drink, but I still needed to play it cool. I needed confirmation on whether he was shady or if my head was just playing cruel tricks on me because of the situation.

"Of course. I'd expect nothing else from an Agent on the job." He went over to a table and poured a glass. "I'm also sorry for having this meeting so far out of the way, but I wanted to make sure it was out of Fury's prying eyes. God knows Hand would do just about anything to force herself into his inner circles." He placed the glass in front of me, still smiling like we were old friends. "The problem is, Fury is the only one in his inner circle. He just tricks the rest of us into thinking we are."

I had to probe this, but managed to keep my voice neutral as I did so. "Speaking against Fury doesn't seem like something an S.H.I.E.L.D. operative would do, Agent Sitwell. Aren't we supposed to trust in whatever he's doing in the big office of his on the Triskelion?"

He took a seat next to me, still appearing completely comfortable about this whole affair- like we were just having another in a long history of conversations. I didn't like it in the slightest. "I'm not speaking against him. I also think it's the job of an Agent to be aware of possible weak points… even within their own agency. Otherwise we won't notice the weaknesses that could take us down one day until it's too late." He took a sip of his Scotch before putting his empty glass down. "But enough of these politics. You're here for something more personal."

"I think it's related if you say Fury's not telling me everything," I couldn't help but remind him before he continued.

"He's not," Sitwell agreed. "Only he and Hill know all the details really. But I happened to be just getting off a case, Level Eight, when the folder came across my desk. Hill's a very busy woman and she was looking for someone to run the leadership position of the various scientists and such she had on the case and only give her the important details- typical S.H.I.E.L.D. hierarchy really. Then she'd decide what was worthy of the Director's time which usually isn't a lot.

"I don't usually take cases like those, very boring and don't get to do that much. Plus they can be tedious and go on for years depending on how deep the question being answered is. Coulson's lucky he had Thor come down to explain that hammer or he might still be working on it." He let out a chuckle and I did the same, but clearly a beat too late. "Anyway, but then I saw what it was- a mysterious girl shows up in Fury's office with nothing but an impossible name and a tattoo. It was too good to pass up. So while you've been running around these past few months with your team, I've been trying to put your life together."

"I suppose I should thank you for your time and effort?" I questioned.

"You're welcome," he smiled as if I had been genuine. "It's funny though, because at the moment I honestly believe that I know more about you than you do yourself." He laughed at the apparent humor of that, but I didn't see if as funny and wouldn't have joined in even if I did.

"I seriously doubt that, Agent Sitwell. You know more about who I was maybe. I am very much aware of who I am right now."

If he didn't care for my comment, he didn't show it in the slightest. He might be as good at this game as I was, probably even better. "Coulson must adore having someone like you on his team. Completely confident and in control… a perfect fake Agent." He took a drink and went to pour himself another. "But it must be true considering I heard he knows the truth and you're still kept around as a member of this mobile team of his. He really does get all the cool toys as Fury's favorite." He walked back to his seat again. "But you must have really impressed him in a short amount of time, so congrats to you on that." He held the glass aloft as if for a toast.

I didn't take the bait. I wouldn't take the bait. I wasn't going to act friendly no matter how hard he tried to make is seem casual. I was here for two reasons and I needed him to get one over with so we could get to the second before Skye got tired of waiting with Jemma. And did something incredibly stupid.

"So what did you learn then? Let's get on with it."

"Right to the point… another point in your favor." He downed the glass and set it down, readying himself to tell what he must have thought was a thrilling tale. "The way I approached the situation once they brought me in is that there were two huge questions that formed a circle of one feeding into the other. The first is who 'were' you. The second was who send you. The first place it seemed logical to look was at your sudden appearance in the Director's office." God, he was going to take the long way to make himself look smart. Shoot me now.

I just leaned back with crossed arms, refusing to be dragged in like Fitz or Skye would have been if they were here. He'd have them on the edge of their seat by now. "Let's review the facts, Agent Crawford. You suddenly appear in that office while cutting out every camera and microphone in there- Fury even gave us video from the personal ones he doesn't have. Everything goes black for about a minute and a half. We also looked at the cameras in the hallway by his secretary and the outside of the building. It turns out they were still up and running. They also weren't tampered with in the slightest by whoever got you in there." He smiled, hesitating.

"So you know how I got in the room then?" I asked, realizing my mistake. I was letting him pull me in, make me curious. I was losing the upper hand and desperately needed to get it back. I tried to school my features again.

He realized it too, the bastard looked so smug. "No. We don't. Because you don't come from the hallway or the window, Agent Crawford. You are just… there when the camera cuts back in. The secretary didn't even hear anything. Almost like you were transported in- something which seems to be science fiction at this point but is close to the only logical explanation. So this lead into the who question. We at S.H.I.E.L.D. have the most complicated and sophisticated camera technology not even close to on the market yet. But now we have some pretty big evidence of a group well ahead of us, especially is we consider you might have been 'beamed' into that office like an episode of Star Trek. They managed to get around us far too easily for anyone's liking. And you were associated with them in some way for it to be you." He started playing with the glass, tracing his finger around the rim and making a low noise. "We explored a few known options, but none of them seemed even close to possible."

"We've been on the tail of this group, actually-"

"Ah, Centipede." I nodded. "They do seem like they could be a good candidate based on the tech we've been able to get from them so far. But we haven't seen anything even close to that level to say for sure since the only data we have is from your team's interaction. So it was time to change back to question one… the lab found out who your biological parents were within days of your joining the team."

"Seriously?!" I didn't even care anymore as I leaned forward, hands on the table. He was too good and had dragged me in. We both knew it so there was no use pretending I was Agent May. My heart was all over the place at his words and made it impossible to deny that I wanted to know. Faces flashed through my mind rapidly, generic possibilities and jobs and place. If they missed me. What my life had once been. And somehow I went from caring less to needing to have the answers- all through a simple statement I think I had given up on hearing. "Who-who are they?"

"The first is serving time in prison right now." Okay then. Not exactly fairytale. "And the second is a still Missing Person since the 80's." That didn't sound like a good combination. That didn't sound good at all. I was right. It was awful. It was worse than awful actually. God, what kind of kid was I growing up? How was I going to tell the others this? "The catch is they were both identified as male."

I think my jaw dropped, though I couldn't tell with my brain completely derailing off any semblance of tracks. I'm pretty sure it even fell out of my head. "I… I'm… how… confused. I'm very confused because you… you made it a point to say biological. Right? Because then that makes no sense. Less than no sense actually," I sputtered.

He clearly enjoyed my reaction, letting me reel for a bit longer before stepping back in. "We're well aware. But that was pretty much my reaction when they showed me that it was how every run of this sample of your blood came up. There was no denying it. So we took a second one." The other cup Fury took at the Slingshot. I knew it. "And this one gave us two completely different people… both of them female. Same thing every time we tried."

Now I was beyond lost. "So what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I demanded, starting to dislike his playing around with me again. "What did your geniuses down in the lab figure out?"

"Their best guess is that you somehow have a device implanted that constantly switches the blood cells in your body. It didn't show on any of the scans we did when you first arrived." Well, I wasn't aware of those and was sufficiently creeped out. This place apparently didn't understand the concept of consent. "The only way we'd be able to identify it, if it does exist, is opening you up and looking for it."

"Over my dead body," I made clear, putting extra venom in my voice. I felt like enough of a lab rat sometimes on the Bus. I wasn't letting poking around my insides for something than might not even exist be anywhere on the horizon. I would smash that glass over his head and run to Coulson if he so much as tried to touch me at this point I was so passionate. It was best to end this now. "So you know nothing, in conclusion."

"Well, I don't know about that," he disagreed, seeing how tense I was and backing off a bit. "Because the trick your blood is capable of again contributes to the whole technology beyond our five year estimates and it made me come to a very interesting conclusion in my final report. We shouldn't be focusing on who sent you as much as from when they sent you." I was starting to get creeped out now, shiver going up my spine. "Maybe the reason Ashleigh Crawford doesn't exist right now is because you really don't."

"What-what exactly are you trying to say, Agent Sitwell?"

"I'm saying, Agent Crawford, that maybe you came to us from another time altogether with a message of the most importance to change the world you actually come from." He looked down at my covered wrist which I instantly pulled to my chest. "We have no clue of how far, but it is my strong suspicion that you came to us from the future. The very first time traveler."

Jesus Christ. He believed it. I could tell he did. "That's- that is completely ridiculous." I didn't- I couldn't believe it. Because then I was completely wrong about having a purpose. Then I was just screwing time left and right all over the place. A freak of nature. "It's not even close to possible. It makes no sense. Why the hell would someone send me back to join Coulson's team? And why would they wipe my memory so I had no clue how to change things?"

"They're all valid questions and Fury said close to the same thing. Despite the fact that he deals with the God of Thunder and a World War II war hero. This is apparently too far for his mind to go. In fact, he closed the entire investigation then and there with no intentions of moving forward. By all his considerations the whole affair with you is taken care of. You're where you need to be and that's all he cares about."

"And that meant no intention of telling me any of this since it didn't matter," I quickly figured out. Sitwell nodded and I don't think he understood that I almost agreed with Fury. It didn't matter to me anymore, despite my little relapse during this conversation. There were so many things and people now that needed my full attention. Whatever happened had happened and there was nothing to be done about it. I needed to focus and right now that meant finding out what was happening to my boys. But there was one little last thing I needed from this. "Why does he care so much about me? It would be so much easier to toss me over for experiments and threat assessment like you mentioned rather than trust I'm actually here to help Coulson. I know he's the supposed Golden Goose-"

"Oh, he's more than that," Sitwell corrected me as he adjusted his glasses. "Fury did a lot more for Coulson than send him to Tahiti to recover and drop an amnesiac on his team. Some say it was the guilt. Some say Coulson to him was just that good. Either way, don't mistake Fury leaving you alone for a trust or faith in you. You are a means to an end. And if that end is somehow protecting Coulson, even at the expense of your life, than he will consider this whole affair worth it."

I could tell the response he wanted from me, so it was a real shame I didn't have it. "Thank you for making it clear the Director and I are on the same page, Agent Sitwell." I rose, trying to give the illusion I was done before carefully changing topics. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go see how the mission is going with Fitz and Ward."

"You're trying to convince yourself that this is all alright- the secrets and the hierarchy. The way S.H.I.E.L.D. runs itself and the decisions they make about what to tell you. I wonder if you'd be rallying so hard around Fury and his contemporaries if you knew the truth about this mission."

"What truth about this mission?"

He rose now, coming over to stand in front of me. He was completely serious and some instinct told me everything he was about to say was the truth. "Once Agents Fitz and Ward disable the device as ordered, there will be an assault on the compound consisting of ground troops and aerial assault. They will be surrounded on all sides with no intention of extraction until the dust has settled."

Oh my God. Skye was right. I could barely hold the bile as I tried to put it all together. "They're just going to leave them to be attacked by their own people and if they make it out they get the handshakes and medals? Otherwise, they-"I couldn't say it.

"Die," he finished for me. I slid back into my seat, hands going to my mouth. "I mean the one is just a Level Five after all."

"Don't you dare!" I pointed at him. "He is twice the Agent half of the Level Eights are. Numbers don't mean everything- people do. This is sick."

"Welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent Crawford." I needed to get out of here now. I had to get to Skye and Jemma so we could fix this. I glanced at my arm with the tattoo. I was going to protect them no matter what happened. "That's why I have a proposal for you. Fury may be done with your case, but I think there are so many questions we could answer if we look closer. I will apply for you to transfer to a unit of mine where I have a group of people willing to help." He was looking me right in the eye now. "Then you can get the answers they're so desperate to hide from you. Show them that treating you the way they have, a device for Coulson, isn't alright in the slightest."

The offer wasn't tempting at all. It might have been at another time, but right now I had somewhere I desperately needed to be. He had made the mistake of making my true mission all too clear to me before making the offer. I only had one goal now and running away with him wasn't going to accomplish that. "I'm sorry, but right now I need to do my job and go save my team." I flashed the tattoo and started for the door. "Thank you for everything, Agent Sitwell. I hope we see each other again soon," I lied through my teeth.

"I hope so too," he responded, his clearly not being a lie.

I didn't respond, already out the door and retracing my steps at a run. I had to tell Jemma and Skye. Then I needed to find Coulson. There was no way he could have known about this. He wouldn't have let Hand do it if he did. I needed to get to him so we could get that Bus up in the air as soon as possible. We only had a few hours to pull this off, and there was no other option than to pull this off.

I found them right where I left them, skidding to a stop on my sneakers and literally sliding in front of them. Skye rolled her eyes. "It's about time, you…"They took in my crazed demeanor and both were instantly on their feet, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"What did you learn?" Simmons asked.

"There's no extraction team," I informed them breathlessly. They both looked at each other in complete shock before locking back onto me. "They're sending in all these troops when they're done with no plan of getting them out until after they blow the place sky high… if they're alive."

Simmons's hands went to her mouth. She looked ready to cry. "Fitz…"

"I knew it," Skye cursed. Her eyes locked on mine. "What's the plan, Ashleigh?" she asked, clearly looking for any sort of orders. May had put me in charge and now I needed to get everything moving. I needed to be the one with a plan. Let's hope I didn't screw this up because lives were literally at stake right now. My mind ran in circles for a minute, ideas and plans branching and being mentally scratched off. "Ashleigh?!" Skye snapped me out of it. "What do we do?" she asked again, voice cracking in fear.

"You two go talk to May," I decided, making it up as I went. "We need her to get the Bus ready to go as soon as possible so we can get to them." They both nodded. "Be honest with her about how we found out. We did nothing wrong and have nothing to hide. He told me without even asking."

"And what are you going to do?" Jemma asked.

"I'm going to find Coulson. I can't believe he'd let this happen. I really can't."

"He's with Hand," Skye informed me. "We saw him walk back over that way after checking in on us. He was shocked we were just sitting there really."

"Great. Because I have a couple of things I'd like to say to Victoria Hand." Jemma was still clearly reeling, so I pulled her in for a hug. "It's going to be alright." I looked at Skye. "We're going to get the both of them out of there. I promise."

"You shouldn't make promises like that," Simmons chastised me. "You don't know what-"

"I do," I cut her off, a ferocity in my voice. "I'm going to whatever it takes to get our boys back. Hand has no clue who she was messing with by hiding this." I pulled away, straightening my clothes out and whirling in the direction of where we had been before. "Now let's go." I started off my way as I heard them take off back towards the plane, people literally moving out of my way as I scanned my badge and entered the room where the Operation was displayed on the large screens. Coulson and Hand were both facing them next to one another, making my hands clench. He couldn't know. I wouldn't believe that.

"Agent Hand!" I shouted, causing literally the whole room to turn as I went right up to her. "You have some nerve!"

"Coulson, please restrain your pet Agent," she glanced over at my leader.

"Crawford, what-"

"There's no extraction plan for Fitz and Ward," I didn't let him finish. Judging by the look that crossed his face, I could rest easy in knowing I wasn't wrong about him. He was still the Coulson I knew he was. "Agent Sitwell asked for a private meeting and he told me quite blank, sir. They will not remove them until after they've taken the base… if they're still alive. It's a suicide mission they weren't aware of."

Coulson looked to Hand. "Is that true?"

Hand merely glared at me. "He had no business telling you that." She looked over at one the men in the room. "Remove her from this room. She's not qualified to be here."

He started to move my way, but I pointed a threatening finger at him. "You're not going to lay a finger on me or I will see to it that Fury is told you got in the way of orders and have him deal with you himself!" He backed down at my fury and I locked back onto my original target. "I may not be any level or even a real Agent, but you are under orders to include me and that is my team you sent in there."

"Are you done, Crawford, because I have a very important mission to get back to? Level Eight clearance only."

She didn't scare me anymore. Not now. And I wanted to make that clear. "You may act all tough and Level Eight, but you have a family. You might have someone who loves you. You have people. Those six are literally the only ones I have because I can't remember anyone else and it looks like I never will. You don't get to try to cut that down by a third just because they're Level Fives and Sevens and thus expendable. Then have the audacity to demand that I leave after lying to all of us about it! You should be ashamed of yourself, Agent Hand. No wonder Fury doesn't care for you as much as the rest of his inner circle with how you conduct yourself! No one, and I mean no one is going to destroy the only people I have as long as I have something to say about it!"

I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could continue and turned to see it was Coulson. Somewhere during my rant he had moved next to me. I instantly got his meaning and nodded for him to proceed. He turned to Hand, that lack of expression created by distrust coming over his face. "I'm Level Eight," he began, keeping calmer than me but with the same intensity. "I'm entitled to any and all information regarding the welfare of my team." He just stared at her but she didn't stop staring right back. "You should have told me."

"It looks like I didn't have to with you attack dog here Coulson, but honestly would it have changed anything at all if you knew?" Oh, she was not acting like she had the moral high ground. If Coulson wasn't here I would have laid into her right then and there, but he squeezed my shoulder as if sensing that. "You yourself have designed dozens of operations like this, remember? You know how this works."

"With an extraction plan," we both said at the same time, voices full of distrust and anger towards this red-haired, thick lipstick wearing… bitch.

"Barton, Romanoff… they never have an extraction plan."

"They're freaking Avengers!" I threw my hands in the air. No offense to Fitz and Ward, but there was clearly a difference between them and the two best we had in terms of difficulty.

"Also they know that going in, Agent Hand," Coulson added, eyes narrowing. "My men were not provided with such information."

"Agent Fitz is unproven in the field, and knowing would have caused him to lose focus or courage." And that was where I lost it, pulling away from Coulson's grasp. "Plus, I wasn't sure you'd comply since your team includes an electronically tagged non-agent who is notorious for leaking secrets and a tag-along amnesiac with a tattoo."

"Agent Fitz is not a coward," I made clear, getting right up in front of her. I didn't care about defending myself but I sure as hell wasn't letting her talk about my best friend like that. "He has saved my life twice and been in more situations these past few months that required courage than you could even imagine. He is a hero. You… you didn't tell us there was no extraction because you were afraid of how we'd react and that you couldn't handle it? I don't know. It sounds like you might be the coward, Agent Hand." With that blow, which I could see went right through her, I walked back to Coulson and placed his hand back on my shoulder. He squeezed it gently. "Go ahead, sir. I'm done."

"Thanks. Now I know what the safety of a thousand men is worth. I know the importance of taking the overkill system out of play. But I also know my men and what they're worth to myself and my team. The decision to go in should have been theirs to make. The option to tell them should have been my call."

"Perhaps," Hand shrugged, still reeling a bit from my blow. "But maybe you both need to trust the system."

"Screw the system," I shook my head. "I'm going to get my boys back. It was nice to meet you, Agent Hand. I hope we never have to cross paths again, because I might not be able to restrain myself from hitting you if I do." I started for the door and let out the breath I had been holding when Coulson was right beside me without hesitation. I had done it.

"I think she might be scared of you," he commented.

"She should be," I smiled back. We picked up our pace a bit as we neared where the Bus was being held. Hopefully Skye and Jemma had done their part and we were ready to go.

"Why were you in a private meeting with Agent Sitwell?"

"He had some details about my past he wanted to discuss with me as head of the investigation." I could feel his eyes go to me. "I'll get into that later. First, let's get up in the air."

We approached the ramp, right behind May, Skye, and Jemma as they made their way up it. "You don't need a battalion for an extraction," May was saying. "Three can pull it off, four if Crawford get back to us before we're in the air."

"Five's better," Coulson spoke up, causing all of them to turn to face us. Skye was the only one who didn't seem happy, crossing her arms and frowning very specifically at Coulson.

"You're in?" she questioned. "I thought we all had to be Level Eight to discuss this."

He shook his head and passed her, May falling into step beside him. "We're not discussing anything. Now prepare for take-off. And I want that story as soon as we're in the air, Crawford."

"Will do sir!" I shouted after him, scrambling into the lab with Jemma and Skye as the cargo ramp was raised a moment later. I leaned against the metal table with a sigh, the familiar signs of the Bus taking off all around us. "We did it. We're going to make it." I looked at the two of them and smiled. "I basically told Hand to go to hell."

"You did good," Skye complimented me. "You kept us out of trouble and managed to get the information we need while putting things into action. All in all, you were an absolutely stellar Agent today worthy of the highest level. And I'm going to make sure the guys know that when we get them."

"Thanks," I waved her off.

"It's true, Ashleigh," Simmons agreed as Coulson made his way back into the lab. "But now you have to tell us what Sitwell said to you."

"I would concur with that statement. I'm curious to hear what he felt it necessary to pull you aside so secretly for," Coulson agreed, crossing his arms. Here we go. I took a deep breath and decided to word this on the fly as best I could.

"It's honestly not a lot," I began, trying not to get their hopes up. "They still don't know how I got in the office since the hallway and outside clear out, but they think I might have somehow teleported into the room."

"Like in Star Trek?" Simmons questioned.

"No clue what that is," I reminded her. "And that leads them to think I'm part of some elite group that had technology we're not even aware of- which is kind of scary. This is helped by the fact they cannot identify my biological parents. The first test came up two men, the second two women. They suspect I have some undetectable device inside me that releases blood cells from differing people, something I get the feeling they hadn't even thought of."

"That would explain all my troubles with your blood samples," Simmons realized. "Oh, it makes perfect sense if you stretch your imagination a bit. Your body is faking being from so many people it makes the data confused. I wish I could see what this device-"

"Yeah, we're not cutting me open," I warned her now. "That is something that is never happening, no matter how curious you are." I turned back to them. "And that's about it. I'm still as impossible as ever and Fury closed looking into it because he doesn't care what I am. Only that I'm here… and I kind of agree with that."

"So they have no idea what the organization is still?" Coulson probed, clearly deep in thought.

"The technology's so advanced it has them baffled." I left out Sitwell's other theory, because it was just too crazy to even get started on. "It's someone we don't have a lot on they suspect- perhaps this Centipede group we're going after."

"And you're somehow okay with this?" Skye asked. "You seem okay with the whole matter being dropped which doesn't make sense because you're right. You basically learned nothing."

"I think I am," I admitted to all of them. "I know who I am. I'm Ashleigh Crawford, a member of this team with all of you. I know I like Star Wars and Johnny Cash and am good at talking to people and seeing things in different ways. I think that's enough for me to go off of for now."

I locked eyes with each and every one of them, praying they didn't hate me for saying what I was feeling. Coulson was the first to respond. "Then that's enough for us as well. We won't look into the matter any further unless you personally request us to."

"Thank you, sir," I told him with all sincerity. "I really appreciate that."

He nodded towards me, getting ready to head out. "You did an excellent job today, Crawford. I know how hard it must have been to keep the two of them out of trouble while making the right choices yourself. And you two were very wise for listening to her." With that, he left the three of us alone as the Bus made its way to where we needed to be. Simmons fell into working on something while I merely sat back with Skye, waiting.

"When you were trying to convince us to break the rules," I began, something from earlier on my mind, "why were you so focused on me when talking about torturing Fitz? It was a little strange and didn't seem very smart for the tactic you were using."

"Uh, I think it was very smart. I knew I had Jemma convinced. I just had to get through to you by using the person you like." I could have written that off, but there was something in her tone that nagged at me.

"Yes, I like Fitz," I made clear. "He's my best friend."

"Yeah right," she rolled her eyes. "I'm not blind. I've seen the way the two of you are around one another. And the way you talk about him. Plus, I know you didn't go to such great lengths with this whole thing because of Ward no matter how friendly the two of you have been recently."

"Like best friends?"

"You like him." I snorted. "I can see it. It's there. And I for one think the two of you would make a very cute couple."

"You're delusional." She was completely wrong. I didn't look at Fitz the way he did at Simmons or Skye. He was just my best and closest friend. There was nothing else about it. I would know if there was.

"You're in denial," she countered with a nudge of my shoulders. "Which is fine. Because it's going to hit you one day and I'm going to say I told you so. You'll even name one of the kids after me for helping you put it together."

"I'm done talking to you," I decided with a roll of my eyes, deciding to go grab some lunch while we waited. "You're crazy."

"I'm not the one with two mothers and two fathers." I laughed at that before vanishing through the door, taking the stairs up to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich and make sure to feed Cheesetauri. Coulson stopped in just before we reached our destination, insisting I be there when they came up the cargo ramp.

After some fancy maneuvering from May that nearly sent me toppling to the ground, I stood next to Coulson as the cargo ramp descended. Ward and Fitz started up the ramp and I didn't even waste a beat as soon as their black clothes were within view. I took off instantly, rushing down and tackling Fitz in a hug. "I knew you'd be okay."

"You faith is always appreciated, Ash," he commented back, hugging me tight against him.

I pulled away after a moment and tuned to Ward, pulling him in for a hug as well. "Both of you." I let go and saw his split lip and bruised face. "Are you okay? Who did this to you?"

"One of the bad guys Crawford," he shrugged me off. "It's nothing. Don't even give it another thought."

The two of them were on either side of me as we reached a smiling Coulson. "Thanks for coming to get us, sir," Ward thanked him sincerely.

"We take care of our own," he offered, shaking both of their hands. "But most of the credit actually goes to Agent Crawford." They both turned back to me and I shrugged. "Don't let her modesty fool you. She managed to uncover the fact there was no extraction plan through completely legitimate means and get the entire team in gear so we could get to you in time- while terrifying Agent Hand in the process. She is the one who deserves the thanks. I merely provided a ride."

"It sounds like you're our knight in shining armor, Ash," Fitz nudged me, making me smile despite my desire to fight away any of the credit. I was just doing my job. I put an arm around him and Ward, who surprisingly let me do it.

"Anything for my boys, Lee," I smiled at the two of them. Simmons entered the hold from the lab then and I let Fitz go so he could awkwardly make his way over to her and reunite with his best friend. I let go of Ward as well, surprised to see he was actually smiling at me. He dug into his bag for a moment before dropping something into my hands.

"Sounds like you were pretty impressive back there. Thank you, Crawford." I looked down to see it was a small yellow ball with a piece that could be screwed off. "We made a pit stop at the convenience store and it made me think of you. Now the rodent can run around without anyone getting as concerned."

"This is amazing Ward!" I declared, ecstatic. I then saw Skye making her way over to reunite with Ward and gave him one last quick hug, almost to make a point to her about her theories. "I was happy to do it- especially if it meant giving Hand a piece of my mind."

He laughed before I left him with Skye, taking off for my room so I could put Cheesetauri in his ball and have him try it out. I watched him run up and down my bunk, no longer trapped by any sort of restrictions or ties that bound him. I was so wrapped up that I didn't notice Fitz until a few moments after he came in.

"Simmons told me about what Sitwell said," he let me know as he took a seat on the bed beside me. I scooped the ball into my arms and left it on my lap as Cheesetauri sniffed this way and that. "She also told me that you don't want any more tests run. I'm glad you finally let them know."

"I had to," I explained, looking down at the ball. "I've accepted myself and I want them to be able to do the same. Plus, it's clear we're not getting anywhere. Sitwell made it sound like he was just going in circles and wanted to cut me open for some concrete evidence."

"That's really all he had for you though?"

If there was anyone I trusted with the big things, it was Fitz. And lying had gotten me into nothing but trouble in the past. So I came clean on the one thing that was really bothering me. "He thinks I'm from the future. Like really believes it."

"Sitwell does?"

I nodded. "That's why the technology is so advanced and why I have the tattoo. I got sent back to fix something with this team. That's also why we can find nothing about me." I looked up at him. "I don't want to even think about that though it's so ridiculous. It's impossible. Beyond impossible really."

"Are you sure?" he probed, clearly worried about me.

"Yeah. Enough about me though. It's a waste of time really." He gave me a look. "It is. It's merely speculation. I want to hear everything, especially the moments where you showed Ward what an Agent you are. Because I'm sure you were brilliant."

"I don't know, Ash. I definitely will, but I'm pretty tired right now. I had to sleep on the ground last night and it was last then pleasant. Talking seems like so much energy right now."

I just laughed at him. "Then how about a movie with ice cream like I promised?" He nodded and I rose, the ball still under my arm as I pulled him to his feet and we started out. "I'm glad you're back, Lee. I need someone to protect me from Simmons cutting me open to find that device. I could literally see her finger itching when she found out."

"You sure you're not looking for Ward?"

"Positive. She would mow him down in an instant. Are you kidding me? You could engineer a gadget to make us invisible so we could escape."

"I'll get to work on that."

I wrapped an arm through his. "I appreciate it."

"Thank you for the box of Pop Tarts by the way. It was really nice of you and I know what a sacrifice it was."

"I figured I could spare on box if it gave you the energy to get back on here in one piece."

He fell asleep during the movie. I didn't think I had room to judge. I did have room to eat all his ice cream though.

XXX

 _Thank you everyone for your lovely support. Things are getting super exciting around here and I'm excited to get into some Asgardian myth next time around. Ashleigh and the Professor are going to be quite the interesting pair. It should be up next week as I've already began work on it. And how about Season Three so far. I can't help but watch the episodes without picturing Ashleigh now and I think I know exactly where she's going to be._

 _Thank you to those who have alerted this story: Crazy X Teen, HerooftheSea01, Kayleen143, Down2earth360, simslovr1, Beautiful dreaming warrior, ilovedoctorwho1, jcsheidt, xalex11, IndigoSeas, alexmariewinchester, Disneylover18, bookfreak25, Hongo En, TougLove726, Wolverine123, and HoneyBunnyLemon._

 _Thank you to those who have favorited: HerooftheSea01, FreyaCabanas, Down2earth360, Beautiful dreaming warrior, Faiht, ilovedoctorwho1, Disneylover18, Hongo En, and growingupisaterrible trap._

 _And thank you as always to the wonderful reviewers: NessieBooEvans, stormrunner74, Lara Barnes, MulishaMaiden, MilliePrue-BellatrixLestrange, and HoneyBunnyLemon. You guys are the best!_


	17. Stuff of Legend

_Stuff of Legend_

"You have got to be kidding me," I muttered as I walked into the kitchen about half a week later and saw what Skye had prepared a very… interesting breakfast. It wasn't surprising for her to leave things out for me with how much later I seemed to rise than everyone else, but the fact that it was three pancakes shaped like hearts with her standing there as if she had been waiting for me could not possibly mean I was in for a peaceful breakfast. I could guess what the subject of conversation was and I was even less interested in talking about it now than I had been half a week ago.

"What?" she questioned, acting completely innocent. "I just thought I'd do something nice for my fellow fish out of water. Plus we've been so busy that we hadn't really had the chance to talk in a while." Now the pancakes were really starting to look like a trap with a smile like that.

I slowly took my seat as she slid them towards me, cautious about what I was getting myself into. It was true, we hadn't really had a conversation since I warned her and Simmons about the lack of extraction plan. I had spent the last few days getting everything straightened out in terms of what had happened between Sitwell and I in that room. It was even important enough that it was Maria Hill on the other line of the call ordering me to tell her everything I could remember. She didn't seem as nostalgic about seeing one another again as I was. So I relayed the whole thing- excluding the future stuff because I was finally starting to convince myself how impossible it was.

And then I learned that my version was a bit different from the official statement Sitwell had provided. His involved my setting up the meeting, a gun being held to his side, and a raving lunatic of an amnesiac demanding her memories back. Oh boy did I have a few things to say about that interpretation… along with the creep who had sold me out with a second thought. Had no trouble lying through his teeth to keep his goodwill and standing. Probably to get back at me for not being whisked away by him to this other team and giving him answers to his damned silly questions.

It didn't help that Hand backed him up about my being volatile in our encounter after the meeting. Another lousy coward just trying to save face. It was unfortunate my decision there had taken so little time to bite me back, because I really wanted to keep enjoying that look on her face when I'd taken her down a peg. Now it just got me frustrated which was no fun at all. It had led to me spending most of my free time outside these meetings either with the punching bag or alone in my room. The others had understood and given me a wide berth of space.

With two accounts against mine, the verdict naturally did not come down in my favor. Hill made it clear it was what she had to do and not necessarily what Fury believed should be done. But they were two senior Agents against someone like me who might be a maniac with rage issues if they were to be believed. So I was put on suspension for a month. I technically was supposed to leave the team and take some time off to gets things sorted before being interviewed if I was okay to come back. But my situation and the truth of the matter threw protocols out the window, especially when it became clear Fury and Hill were well aware of the fact that my entire team had known the truth for a bit though.

Coulson and May had been with me practically the whole time and it was Coulson who fought the hardest in these negotiations for the actual terms of my "suspension". I was not leaving the Bus to literally wander the earth a nomad. This was my home and I was staying here no matter what the rules said. I was not going to be put in completely unnecessary danger when I was so useful to everyone here. I also wasn't being taken off missions- he'd just make sure in his official reports my name just happened to be left out. Nobody needed to know I was there so he wouldn't tell them. I got to see firsthand for myself what the power of being Fury's favorite was because Hill had agreed pretty quickly to all of this after a discussion with the man in the eyepatch. He thought the best thing for me to do was keep doing what I had been doing. It seemed to be working somehow so why try to change that? I was told they couldn't protect me forever though and I had to be careful when around others to not give them an excuse to chase me away from the team.

I damn well wasn't planning on that. As of right now, there were only five Agents I trusted implicitly- all of whom were ready to have my back when it came to navigating a month of secrecy on our parts. I think Simmons was reveling in being a bit rebellious against Hand so long as we had Fury's permission. Plus I had the other teammate who was now going to heckle me with these things she had supposedly been seeing between me and Fitz.

I cut a piece of the pancake, still staring at it quite suspiciously still as she watched me with a large smile. "Well, why don't you say what's on your mind?" I prompted before taking the bite- splendid as always. "Pitch to me this grand love story you have concocted about Lee and I with our obvious throbbing passion that we are hiding from one another."

She laughed. "That actually wasn't what I wanted to say at all." What? "Though the fact that you're still obsessing over it I think only helps to prove my point. But we can get back to that in a moment." Great. I had just dug myself a bit of a hole it seemed. I just had thought… I honestly didn't think about it at all. Because it wasn't true. It was about as true as this future nonsense. "You look like you're doing some mental aerobics right now. Did I just blow your mind?"

I took another bite. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I acknowledge that you're ignoring the question and we will return to that," she preempted before launching into her tale. "So Coulson looked into this redacted file I've been tracking for forever while we were at the Hub." Now this was something I could get behind. I looked up, giving her all my attention. "Now, it doesn't say much but it talks about when I was dropped off at an orphanage as a baby by… get this… a female Agent."

Wow. This was… this was great. "Does it say who she is?"

"No, but I'm going to look into it more with Coulson and May," she continued, obviously ecstatic about this development. "There's no evidence one way or the other, but she could be my mom, Ashleigh." The way she said the word was reverent. This was a girl who was daring to dream right now for the first time in what must have been years. "I feel like she might be. She has to be, right? And maybe, maybe she left me because people were after her and I-"

"Skye," I ended her breathless speech gently. I covered her hands with mine. "She could be. That could all be a very true story. I don't deny that. I just… I don't want you to get your hopes too much. And I know it's impossible not to because that's who you are and one of the things that makes you so great. But I also don't want you to get hurt." I shrugged. "I mean I've been around the block with the whole parent's thing and it didn't exactly turn out the way I expected. I had no hopes and was sorely underwhelmed."

She nodded. "I hear you. And I do have my hopes up that she's my mother because it would answer the question that has been haunting me since I could understand the concept of parents. I've been searching for so long and now… it might finally be happening. I might learn who I am… where I came from. It's all I ever wanted… a family." I kept eating my pancake and she sighed. "I guess I just don't understand…"

I knew exactly where she was going and why she was so hesitant about saying it. Everyone else had taken me up on my desires without a word to the contrary- it had almost seemed too easy. Fitzsimmons and Ward were content to live in the moment with me if I desired and not question the strange nature of my arrival so long as I was here now. But part of me knew that was because they didn't understand in the slightest what the inside of my head was like despite their best efforts. They could not imagine a big empty space where all the stuff and memories they held the most importantly were stored. Hell, I suspected some of them thought they were better off not remembering that stuff. But Skye understood the situation, which is why she couldn't understand me.

"You don't get why I'm so willing to just let the whole matter of my past drop," I answered for her, doing my best to make it clear I wasn't upset with her in any way for bringing this up. It was clearly a fear given the heart-shaped manner of food item. I didn't hate her for this though because I knew who Skye was. She wanted the answers not out of any type of malice, but because she cared so much about others she practically made it her job to understand them. It was one of the qualities I loved most about her.

She nodded. "And I want to. I feel like I need to because honestly you're probably the closest friend I have here. You're the one I have the most in common with for sure with the whole unknown background now thrust into dangerous situations thing we both have going on. But you have this different way of dealing with all of it that just… they trust you more." She sighed, putting her head in her arms. "I am making absolutely no sense."

I smirked. "Verbally… absolutely." She groaned. "But I think I get what you're going for." She glanced up at me through her hair, curious to hear my response. I just decided to go for it, not really dwelling on the words I was saying before they came out. "Okay, so I think the reason I'm able to keep my head on my shoulders about the whole matter is because… don't laugh, but I get the feeling I made this choice." Her head was up now, full attention on me as my breakfast now lay forgotten between us. "I don't think someone held me down and forcibly erased my memories. I wasn't forced away from answers like you were. I had all of them… and I chose to let them go. I just feel that within myself I guess and it gives me peace about the whole thing. I trust me."

I gave our still clenched hands a squeeze. "So don't think you're doing anything wrong by being excited or going for this full force. It's not making you any less of an Agent than I am or a coward or anything like that. Because you aren't any of those things, Skye. We're just… two very different situations is all," I tried to explain. "They're going to come around about you and start trusting you again. And I hope in the process you find all the answers you're looking for because-"I didn't get to finish as she threw her arms around me in a tight hug. Skye and her hugs. They always had a way of taking the weight of the world off you if even for a moment.

She smiled and pulled away a minute later, wiping her eyes. I pretended not to notice. "You're not a coward either," she spoke after a moment. "You're not a coward for putting your personal matters to the side for right now. As long as you think you're doing the right thing, then I think you are too." We sat in silence for a moment before I picked up the fork again- unable to deny my stomach any further. "But, back to the throbbing passion-"

"Guys," Ward interrupted, stepping into the kitchen and ignoring the precarious sight of me with my fork right in front of my mouth. "You need to come see this. Now." And just like that, he was gone. We both glanced at each other and I put the fork down.

"It must be serious if he didn't make fun of me," I noted. Skye nodded and soon the two of us were bolting after him into the living area of the Bus. Everyone else was already there, eyes locked on the television and whatever breaking news was on it. Coulson stood with his arms crossed while Fitz was clutching a pillow to his chest. I slid into the spot on the couch next to him, watching as some sort of black ship was moving through the water. The situation didn't look good as the people ran with urgency and panic. "How fast can we get there?" I asked. These people needed our help. That ship didn't exactly give off the friendliest vibe. And neither did the other shapes in the sky- they appeared to be holes with different places behind each of them. Portals.

"Greenwich, England," Coulson spoke up, face locked on the screen. "We're about three hours out from there right now. The nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. unit is on their way with about thirty minutes."

"It doesn't look like they have thirty minutes," Skye said matter-of-factly. Everyone seemed tense beyond belief, all of us sitting on pins and needles as various cameras S.H.I.E.L.D. was tapping into were displayed on screen, providing angles to the conflict I was sure the public wasn't seeing. We watched as a group of aliens disembarked from the ship, intimidating as hell with the sheer power and confidence they marched with.

"What are they doing?" Fitz asked, hiding behind his analytical nature. "They obviously have some sort of plan involving the portals that have opened up, judging by them being in the exact center of where they will line up." Smaller views in the corners showed people running and fleeing, clearly distressed at what was happening.

"It's hard to believe this is the world we live in right now," Simmons spoke, voice almost shaking. "And there's no one who can help them right now." I turned to see she looked absolutely haunted by the site, perhaps dwelling on her own experiences these past few months. I cleared my throat and elbowed Fitz, earning his confused attention. He almost looked a little white himself, but seemed to bring himself down to earth a bit as we looked at each other. I nodded over to Simmons after a beat and he seemed to take the hint, lacing her hand in his. She seemed relieved at the comfort, shoulders relaxing a bit. I turned back to the screen just in time to see the lightening.

"It can't be," May whispered. The blue light cleared and there he stood- the God of Thunder. Thor was here.

"I should have guessed he was involved," Coulson huffed and though I couldn't see it I swore he was rolling his eyes. Leave to Coulson to have a personal relationship with an Avenger and give him grief when he had the opportunity. "We should be in good hands though." The Thor got thrown by the lead alien into a pillar, shattering it. "Though the amount of property damage will skyrocket now."

Cameras kept switching as the two went to battle with one another, someone at S.H.I.E.L.D. must have been desperately sorting through all the cameras and footage they could find right now. This must be being shown all over the Hub, every Agent hoping their hero could come through for the world once again. Otherwise we didn't stand much of a chance at all based on what this villain was throwing out. I didn't even know about it, let alone how to counter this power.

Thor was thrown off his feet into a building, taking half the roof with him as he was thrown. And the battle continued and raged as the portals came into play, cameras switching even faster now.

And then it hit me like a shot, the trigger completely lost in the chaos- a headache that shot right through me so powerful I let out a cry of pain. "Ash?" I heard someone ask from what seemed like miles away. "Ash?!" I soon heard other voices join this one as I squeezed my eyes shut. It was like someone was taking an axe to my skull again and again. I felt my breathing speed up and a familiar ache in my chest it was so brutal. There were sounds everywhere, ones I didn't recognize and yet were so familiar I knew exactly where I was. My hands went to my ears, desperately trying to shut everything out, to keep myself safe in any way I could. It was almost as if something was being ripped from me completely- leaving me in pure agony. I tried to push past it and get my senses back, but it was just a wall of pain I couldn't surmount.

I became vaguely aware of the others hovering over me and speaking to me. I forced my eyes open, not really seeing anything as they turned to Coulson behind me- the only thing I really recognized right now over the cacophony in my head. Something was bubbling up from inside me and I just let it out, aiming the words right at him.

"Like the old man said. Together." And then it was gone- just like that. Everything vanished and it was just me sitting on the couch of the Bus again, completely aware once again of my surroundings. And completely aware of the fact that all eyes were locked on me now. I felt myself blush despite my best efforts, completely uncomfortable. "Sorry. Just a headache. Maybe still a crazy side-effect of the whole virus thing. I'm alright now though. I swear. Sorry for worrying you guys."

I turned back to the screen, forcing my attention to go back to the battle and Thor, but not before I saw that Coulson's look meant I could expect a talk later. But I pushed that all from my mind, trying to focus on the hammer now flying through the air. I didn't know what the hell had just happened to me in the slightest. I had no idea why I said what I had, because those words meant absolutely nothing to me now though they seemed essential before. I had just had some sort of… moment and everyone had been there to witness it. The interrogations later were going to suck so much, especially since I didn't have the hint of an answer. God, I was a freak. I was-

I felt a hand come over mine and forced myself to take a deep breath. Freaking out was not going to help anyone, certainly not me. Especially not when there were more pressing concerns at the moment. So I locked my fingers between Fitz's and held it the whole rest of the fight until Thor, with an assist from Jane Foster and her team, saved the world and destroyed so much property. With fifteen minutes to spare before the first S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent would arrive on the scene. I bet Tony Stark was halfway there by now with his suit and would be cursing when he saw the action was over.

But as I watched the battle, I couldn't help but notice a niggling in the back of my head as I stared at Thor- a familiarity I couldn't place that hadn't been there before. It wasn't until all the cameras cut off and we were left staring at a black screen that it came to me. And it was terrifying. Something about this situation was familiar enough to spark something deep within my head suddenly and violently. But now for the life of me I couldn't remember what… or anything that had been in my head for those few moments.

I think I had just experienced my first memory. My first glimpse at what my life had been.

And it really sucked.

XXX

"Sir, I'm fine," I desperately kept myself from rolling my eyes. Simmons had practically dragged me to the lab as soon as the show was over, determined to give me a full work-up and make sure the virus wasn't still active in my body. Fitz and Skye had followed her, hanging on the fringes with crossed arms and worried facial expressions. Coulson had come down just as she was finishing up taking my blood pressure, computer dinging which meant my blood samples were done being analyzed. Yes, she had to draw blood again. I just could never catch a break. "You can ask May. I've been back training for a few days now without a moment of weakness."

"You say that now, but what happened back there certainly throws it into question," he just stared at me, clearly lost in thought. "We'll be landing in about a half hour and I'm wondering if-"

"I'm not staying on the Bus," I argued, yanking the cuff off my arm. Simmons merely rolled her eyes fondly and made her way over to the computer. "I'm not missing out on this." Especially if there was a chance I might run into Thor and figure some things out. I had been determined to drop the matter, but my brain didn't seem to be agreeing me. I needed to figure this out before it happened again. "I was completely fine at the Hub, essential even. I'm not letting any of you out of my sight in a situation that involved a freaking Avenger."

"You're suspended anyway," Skye mentioned. "I know you'd hate to let Sitwell win, but maybe it would be best to just sit this one out." I glared at her and she turned to Fitz. "Right, Fitz?"

It was a low blow and she knew it. Fitz locked eyes with me, instantly melting any of my ire with his concern. "I just… we can't lose you again, Ash."

I came really close to giving in- dangerously close. But I steeled myself, glancing down at the tattoo on my wrist for strength. I hated arguing with Coulson, but I needed to make sure my voice was heard loud and clear. "If Simmons blood test says everything is okay, then I'm going. I just had a moment and will take myself out of the equation if another happens. I swear. I won't push. The last thing I would do is put everyone in danger and you know that."

"Her blood is clear, sir," Simmons spoke up from the computer. "Not a trace of the virus within her." He just stared at me, clearly weighing all his options. I wanted to tell him what I suspected, but I wasn't going to make him worry for nothing. He had enough on his plate involving me without throwing this on too. So I just stared back, willing him to see that I was fine and capable as I had ever been.

"Okay, but if something happens, anything happens you are on the Bus for the rest of your suspension without argument." I nodded in agreement, hopping down from the table with a slight bounce of triumph. I gave him a little salute.

"Yes, sir!"

"We land in twenty minutes," he informed everyone after shaking his head at me. "I expect everyone ready for wherever and whatever we're assigned to when we land. This is going to require quite a bit of work and cooperation on our part to assist with the aftermath of this event. And I know this goes against my usual saying but… keep Crawford out of trouble." With that, he dismissed himself from the lab, leaving the group of sitting around and waiting. Fitz went back to his recent project while Simmons continued to examine my blood, clearly double-checking her work.

"I hope we get to go after that beast still running around," I commented, trying to break up the silence and move things along. "I think the team of us would make excellent creature catchers with our skills and wits. And I'm not just saying that because of my natural ability with animals."

"I literally take care of that mouse for you, thank you very much," Fitz spoke up from his workbench, smirk on his face. Okay, everyone seemed to be calming down a bit. It was all going to be just fine.

"And we both love you for it," I commented sweetly, batting my eyelashes. He just snorted and went back to work. "I just want some excitement. A week in holographic meetings really didn't do it for me. It just gave me cabin fever and it's driving me bananas." I got that familiar feeling and turned to Skye. "I feel like I'm referencing something."

"I'm on it," she typed away at her laptop for a few seconds. She always tried to build a stronger base for my pop culture references, because if I didn't understand them there was no way they would either. "It's actually a song from Muppet Treasure Island."

I just stared at her blankly. "What the hell is a Muppet?"

"It means you had a childhood," Skye summarized. I made my way over to her and the two of spent the rest of the time watching the videos she pulled up on the topic, somehow instantly putting me at ease. These guys were actually pretty entertaining and it was good to know where some of my quips may be coming from. We felt the plan begin to descend and she shut her laptop, the group of us getting ready to disembark and see exactly what kind of trouble… I mean help we could drum up for ourselves. I really needed to get off this Bus before I turned into an adrenaline junkie.

We all stepped onto the cargo ramp just as Ward descended the metal staircase to join us. He made his way right over to me, staring me down a bit. "You okay?" he asked intensely, leaving no room for me to lie if I wanted to.

I smiled at him. "Right as rain at the moment. I learned what a Muppet is."

"Good." He then stepped around me, having everything he needed to hear about the subject. Fitz came up beside me, tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention.

"So, it's not quite ready yet, Ash. I just need to tweak it a bit more and we should be good."

"Thank you so much, Lee." I gave him a quick punch on the shoulder, painfully aware that Skye was watching us. "You're the best." He rubbed the spot, but with a clear smile on his face. "You ready to go creature catching?"

"We won't be," Coulson's voice cut in as he descended the stairs, May right behind him. "S.H.I.E.L.D. already has a team on the beast. We, on the other hand, will be assisting with clean-up of the ship at Greenwich University… seeing as Thor decided to leave us with quite the mess."

Seriously? He was gone and now we were stuck cleaning up after him? Well, congratulations Thor because you are now my least favorite Avenger. I'll be sure to give you the trophy the next time I don't see you. I groaned out loud, making everyone laugh. "Not quite the excitement you had in mind?" Simmons questioned. I just gave her a look. "Come on. It'll be fun. Who knows what we might come across?" The ramp lowered and we started down it, immediately hit by the cold air and clutching our coats a little tighter. "Just take these." I looked down to see Simmons was extending a pair of gloves my way- a very think pair from the looks of it. "Just don't want to risk anything happening if you decide to touch something."

I took them and put them on for her sake, grateful for the gesture as I admired them. "Thanks Jemma. They looks fantastic."

And so we found ourselves not trailing the beast from another world, but inside an old building where all the scraps and rubble from the battle had quickly been moved to before the public could get any ideas. And I was stuck holding up rock for Fitz to scan for alien signatures to see whether we could chuck them or not. And I mean every rock. They weren't so keen on letting me get into any trouble by myself, probably because I would send the whole University toppling over with my luck, so here I was tethered to my best friend assisting him in a job he could do faster alone if only so I had something to keep me occupied. It was mind-numbing and I checked out pretty quickly. I was already in a bit of a bad mood when we came in though, but by the time an hour rolled by I think everyone else had grown quite sick of cataloguing this mess as well. The only small joy I got was out of watching Fitz work, though even he didn't seem as into as per usual.

I was deep in thought about this whole battle and what had happened to me, something I wouldn't have time to freak out about if I was say hunting down a beast, when I heard a dumping noise and turned to see Ward add another container full of rubble to our already large pile. I let out a moan and he just smirked at me. He seemed to be the only one keeping some good humor, probably because he liked seeing the rest of us suffer. "Don't say I never gave you anything."

"I won't if you take it back," I shot back at him as he leaned against a larger piece of rubble to watch the two of us.

"Yes, checking for alien spectrographic signatures one teeny rock at a time," Fitz quipped as I held up another rock to his device.

"Necessary precaution," Ward reminded the two of us. "We don't want anything alien getting into the wrong hands."

"Still, this is definitely the type of work a monkey could easily do," Fitz added as he shook his head, causing me to put the rock in the larger pile before grabbing another.

"You're our little monkey," Ward teased our scientist, and I was unable to keep from laughing at the look that crossed his face as it almost became pinched.

"Stop it, Ash," he warned me sullenly, though he was not very convincing as I kept going. "I said stop it and hand me the next rock." I was clutching my side now, unable to stop. "Seriously. Ash."

I managed to bring myself down a bit, turning towards him as I held up the next rock. "I know. I know. You just… you should have seen your face." I waited a beat before adding the next part. "And also because it's kind of true."

"Ash!' he glared at me, causing me to laugh again. I heard a chuckle and looked to see Ward had a rare genuine smile on his face as well. He dropped it the instant I saw though, putting his mask back on as Fitz continued to whine and try to get me to deny it. I opened my mouth to say something when the sound of a cell phone rang out. We both turned behind us just in time to see Simmons hit a button on her phone to stop it, noticing both of us just staring at her.

"Don't you two give me that look," she chastised us. "I'll talk to them when I talk to them."

"Talk to who?' Ward questioned as he stopped dragging the basin to fill with more rocks and walked over to join the group of us.

"Simmons is avoiding her Mom and Dad," I answered for her. "She hasn't told them about the whole virus thing yet."

"I just don't want to terrify them for no reason, especially when something like this just happened. They'll want answers and right now I don't have them. So I shouldn't waste anyone's time with it, really."

"Jemma," I sighed, holding up another piece of rubble. "You need to talk to them. We've talked about this."

"Yes, and you pulled the amnesiac card which wasn't very fair of you," she reminded me. "There is only so much one should be allowed to bring up that they would tell a family if they had one to make others do their bidding."

"Come on," I waved a hand at her. "I only use it like once a week."

"Try once a day," Fitz muttered under his breath, but I heard it clear as crystal.

"Thank you for your input, human monkey, but I think I'd know if-"I was cut off by the next piece of rubble, a piece with two half circles carved into the metal, causing the machine to let out a very shrill beeping sound. I instantly jerked the item away, holding it in front of myself in excitement that finally something interesting was happening. "Fitz, did we just find-?"

His face moved in right next to me with curiosity, but I tried to ignore that in favor of looking at what was in my gloved hand. "Definitely not from here."

"Another piece of the ship," I surmised, just as Ward snatched it from my fingers. "Hey!"

"What are you doing?" Fitz questioned as Ward sprayed the piece with some sort of chemical before locking it in a thick metal briefcase.

"Out of sight… out of mind. That's why we're here. Keep everything under control."

I turned back to our pile of rubble with a sigh. "Well, there goes the only exciting thing that will happen all day." Ward went back to his basin, but I wasn't content to let him off the hook just yet. "Congratulations, Ward. That was the only thing that was interesting this whole bloody day, to borrow a turn of phrase from my capuchin friend here." Fitz just rolled his eyes. "You are a certified, grade A fun killer."

"Better a fun killer than suspended," he shot back, smiling at the frown that instantly came to my face. "You're lucky you're even holding up rocks right now."

"I hate you so much."

"Right back at you, Crawford." He went back to his work and I went back to mine, holding up rock after rock for Fitz's examination with his device and silently begging for something exciting to happen.

"You know I don't mean any of the jokes, right?" I felt the need to say to Fitz when he stayed almost stone silent, concerned I'd hurt his feelings. It was the last thing I wanted to do and maybe I pushed too hard at them. I did tend to do that. "I'm sorry. I was just-"

"Ash, you're fine," he told me sincerely, forcing a smile on his face. I could tell it was a very fake one. "I'm just… bored out of my mind is all I suppose. I mean, Ward doesn't do verbal combat with me quite like he does with you. You two have your own little… dynamic I suppose." Oh, he was being a little territorial with Ward. Maybe it was how he and Simmons seemed to have had a bit of a moment back there. Okay, time for the best friend to boost some confidence.

"That's because you're way too smart for him," I made clear, hand on his arm. "And I participate because making him annoyed makes me happy. Getting you annoyed wouldn't make me happy in the slightest." I leaned closer to him, poking his arm. "Now come on, Lee. Let's see a real smile. The genuine article. Because we know if anyone's the helper monkey in these parts- I think I take the title."

"You're impossible, Ash," he shook his head, unable to his the smile creeping onto his face. Mission accomplished.

"Good. Now we just need something to happen that alleviates us being conscious of the minutes of our life that we're losing."

"Pack up." We all looked up to see Coulson with May and Skye who had been diverted to another task. "We're headed to Norway. We just a call they think is right up our alley involving a death at a national park."

Well, of all the… "I didn't mean like that!" I said quite a bit too loudly, hopefully catching the ear of whatever deity was listening before rising and dusting myself off for a new adventure.

XXX

I had taken a quick shower, having about an hour before we were at our new destination. I knew I had been wearing gloves, but I did not want to risk anything of any sort being on my skin. I even swapped out my possibly germ ridden clothes for a thick pair of jeans and boots with a warm maroon sweater and yellow scarf.

Coulson hadn't given us too many details on our walk back to the Bus, mainly because we didn't have too many. There had been a man and a woman who cut a tree down and taken something it seemed, but not before she had killed a ranger simply by shoving him- which sent him flying into the trees and broke his neck. We might be dealing with more superpowers and I was going to do my best to avoid flying car doors.

I did my hair in a quick ponytail and grabbed a Pop Tart snack before making my way into the lab- or the doorway of the lab. Fitz almost bumped into me as he had been rushing for the door as well.

I couldn't help but beam as he held up what he had been working on for the last few days, trying to cheer me up with this whole Sitwell thing. It was the hamster ball Ward had bought for me, but its shape had been altered and reinforced so there were now two evenly spaced metal handles on one side of the sphere. I quickly grabbed it from him, beaming. "Wow! Thank you so much!"

"Don't thank me quite yet." He pulled something out from behind his back. "Because what is a girl without her accessories." It was just like I had asked. The first was my backpack for out in the field, now with an additional leather strap running down one side of it. The second was one of my belts, which looked the same to the naked eye, but I knew better. "Both of them will magnetize the ball perfectly and keep him from getting knocked around too much."

I gave him a quick hug of thanks before grabbing the other two items as well. "Well, now I suppose I say thank you. This is seriously fantastic! I can't wait to go tell Cheesetauri he gets to go on a road trip!" With that, I was sprinting off towards my bunk, but not before coming to a halt and running back- dropping on of the Pop Tarts in his hand with a smile. "You're the best Lee!" And then I was off again.

I dropped everything on my bunk and made my way over to Cheesetauri, who was currently living life to the fullest by drinking some water from his little bottle. I quickly scooped him up and placed him in the ball gently, adding a carrot in case he needed a snack. It was gone by the time I attached it to my belt, everything locking into place perfectly so he was hanging just off my left hip. "Looks like you get to join me buddy," I smiled at him over my shoulder. It may have been completely ridiculous, but I wanted to keep the little guy with me as much as I could. He was excellent at keeping me cool under pressure, and I would need that today. With Thor gone it looked like my memory situation was just going to hang in the air. I just had to hope to God nothing else violently triggered it again, especially in a dire situation.

"You hold my sanity in you little paws," I told my companion before making my way back to the lab to show it off to my best friend. Clearly this invention to please me would be the highlight of his career. My bounding didn't seem to disrupt Cheesetauri as planned as I made my way to the lab, strutting in like a runway model when I had Fitzsimmons attention. "And you thought this little guy wasn't going to have a life outside the lab." I looked down at him. "You are going to see everything the world has to offer, buddy." He just blinked at me, but I think he understood.

Simmons just looked back at Fitz, who gave the largest shrug he could muster. She then rolled her eyes and returned to her work packing everything up for our field trip. I leaned over the counter across from her. "Have we talked to Mom and Dad yet?"

"Not yet," she sighed, clearly annoyed at my bringing this up again. "And I don't think the five minutes we have left will be enough for that conversation."

"Then I will check again when we're done here." She let out a huff and continued packing. "Listen, if I didn't pester you, Jemma, who would?" I wrapped an arm around Fitz's neck. "We can't count on this guy to keep you in line. He gives in to us way too easily." He wriggled free of my grip just as Ward entered the lab while zipping up his coat. He took one look at Cheesetauri and shook his head.

"What?" I questioned him, folding my arms. "I needed enjoyable company on these missions. All I've got at this point is a fun killer as we've discussed. At least this guy knows how to have a good time." He just went to through the lab to the cargo ramp without another word- just as Coulson and Skye entered and stared after him. "He's jealous of a mouse," I told them. "It's kind of weird."

We landed a few minutes later and I disembarked, taking the cars to the scene of the crime as it were. I had not yet received anymore driving lessons and thus rode shotgun to Ward while Coulson and Simmons sat in the back taking everything in. I had to admit that Norway was a ridiculously pretty place like I hadn't seen before. The trees were so tall and everything just had this air of being natural. It was a nice change of pace to the life we seemed to usually live. I did pull out my tablet though, looking over a few details we had on the scene.

When we reached the preserve, Coulson ordered me to his side- not even saying a word about the mouse strapped to my hip. I guess he expected these sort of antics from me by now. But hey, as long as he wasn't saying never again I was quite fine with the reaction. "I want you to talk to other ranger who was on the scene with me. I think he'll respond well to a comforting female presence."

"I think I can handle that." The others fanned out around the scene as we made our way up to a man in uniform with a thick mustache and beard who had Agents surrounding him. He looked absolutely dreadful with shock and worry at what he had seen, tears in his eyes. His cap was clenched in his hands like a talisman and he looked super uncomfortable with the interrogation he was receiving. "Excuse me. I'd like a moment please." The Agents all looked at Coulson and he nodded for them to clear out of there. I went next to the man and put a soothing hand on his arm. "Hi. I'm Agent Crawford and this is Agent Coulson. You are?"

"Lunde Karlsen," he spoke, still clutching that hat for dear life. "My name is Lunde Karlsen. You're-you're actually the first to ask, miss." God, those Agents needed to learn proper manners.

"I heard something pretty bad happened here, Karlsen," I spoke gently, trying to put him at ease. Coulson seemed completely content letting me take the lead. "I'm so sorry to hear about Sivert." Yeah, I had done my research on the way here. Never let it be said that Ashleigh Crawford was unprepared.

He was crying now, hands pinching his nose. I rubbed his arm, giving him the time he needed. We were in no hurry. "Who would do something so evil?" he asked.

"I know," I sympathized, feeling for him. I couldn't imagine losing anyone I worked with. "I'm so sorry for what happened. We're going to make sure your friend gets the justice he deserves."

He stared forward for a moment. Almost lost in thought. His knuckles were almost white around the hat. I took initiative and screwed the lid off the ball. "I'll trade you," I told him before switching the hat out for my mouse, who just blinked up at him. "This is Cheesetauri," I explained with a smile. "He's a pretty good pal to have on a rough day. You can pet him if you want."

He just stared down at him for a moment before gently petting him. Cheesetauri to his credit remained perfectly calm. "She… she was screaming. And there was so much hate in her eyes. It-it burned right through you. Tossed him like it was nothing." He paused, but I waited, still rubbing his arm in comfort. "She was with a man… and she was holding this silver stick."

"A silver stick?" I probed, eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Steel, maybe," he clarified. "I-I don't know. It, uh, had decorations on it."

"Could you describe or draw them?" Coulson asked, speaking for the first time with strength and compassion like only he could.

He sniffled. "I didn't get a good look. I just ran."

"You did what you needed to do," I told him. "Your friend wouldn't have wanted the same fate for you. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?"

He nodded, blinking back more tears before speaking again. "This forest is a protected reserve. I mean, who do they think they are?"

"Anything else?" Coulson questioned. "Details? Anything that might help us find these people or where they might be hiding?"

" _Sir, doesn't look like they're hiding_ ," Skye's voice echoed in our ears. I could hear some kind of shouting behind her.

" _Sending to your devices now_ ," May added, and I pulled out my tablet as Coulson did the same with his phone. It displayed the scene of what looked to be a riot through the streets, people shouting and crying at the top of their lungs.

The female anchor continued her report. " _…Raiding had left twenty injured- three in critical condition. Reports indicate that the group of about a dozen was led by this man and woman._ "

"That's them," Lunde pointed at my screen with Cheesetauri still cupped in the other. "Those are the two that were here. I recognize them." I nodded, switching my tablet off as Coulson went to report the news to Ward who was with Simmons at the fallen tree. It looked like they were finishing up whatever they were doing.

I turned back to Lunde, putting a hand on each shoulder. "We're going to find them… and we're going to kick their asses, okay?" He actually smiled a touch and I quickly kissed him on the cheek and placed the hat back on his head. "Be safe, Lunde."

"I wish you the same. Thank you. And thank you to your mouse as well." I took Cheesetauri with a smile and tucked him back inside the ball, making my way back over the team to find out how exactly we planned to take those two down. Because make no mistake, they were going down. I'd just make sure it was May doing the ass kicking and not me.

XXX

"Jakob Nystrom, thirty," Ward pointed to the first of the two familiar faces on the screen of the lab where Skye and Fitzsimmons stood around one of the table with me. We had all done our research on the way back, myself staring at the burning words 'We Are Gods' long enough to send shivers up my spine. These people had some serious issues. "Girlfriend, Petra Larsen. Leaders of a Norse Paganist hate group." Yeah, I had no clue about that.

"And their numbers are growing," Skye continued, "thanks to what happened in Greenwich and thanks to the internet. Yay, internet, she said sarcastically." I rose my hand.

"Sorry, this may be an amnesiac thing, but Norse Paganist?"

"Don't worry," Simmons comforted me. "I don't know what that is either, I'm afraid."

"Obsessed with anything derived from Norse mythology," Skye explained.

"Or as we know them stories of Asgard," I followed up, earning a nod from her. Okay, back in the loop. This was good.

Ward picked up the white model in front of us- the one Fitz had been able to craft from the scan of the tree Simmons had taken. These two never ceased to amaze me. "And now a weapon."

"The scan only accounted for one side," Fitz said almost apologetically. "Too much damage to the tree for complete reproduction."

"Hey, you did great Lee," I told him.

Simmons pointed to the ends, clearly agreeing with me. "But see here… it's clearly broken on both ends."

"So there are more pieces?" Ward asked, clearly not liking where this was going. I didn't either.

"Yeah," Fitz nodded. "Two at least."

"Which means Sid and Nancy may be looking for a complete set," Ward sighed with a glance to the two faces on the screen. "And markings?"

"The Asgardian symbolism," Coulson spoke from behind us as he entered with May, joining us around our table. "Hard to translate with our limited knowledge."

"You should give your buddy the god of thunder a shout," Skye mentioned as Coulson looked over the staff himself. "He gets his power from his hammer, right? What if this is his nail to the hammer?"

"I already did," Coulson answered, surprising all of us. "Director Fury told me he's off the grid." Figures. Still my least favorite Avenger now. "And if he has a cellphone, we don't have the number. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s investigations are on the trail of Nystrom and his followers. We're charged with identifying the object and finding any other pieces before they do."

I snorted. "Well, how kind of them to give us the exciting assignment this go around." He glanced my way. "I read it took them four hours to catch it. We could have done it in half the time and you know it."

"By using the rodent as bait?" May fired with a raised eyebrow, effectively silencing me… for now. I would mention how he brought healing and peace later.

"They seem to have some advantage," Ward brought up. "They found this thing in 150 square kilometers of Norwegian forest."

"Guys," Skye cut in, eyes widening. "What if it called to them with magic?" Fitzsimmons looked quite skeptical at the idea, though it didn't sound impossible to me given everything.

"Called to them," May repeated.

"We know it's Asgardian, so the rules are a little bendy here," Skye defended.

Simmons rolled her eyes. "Just because we don't understand something yet doesn't mean we should regress back to the dark ages, talking of magic and fairy tales."

Coulson seemed to disagree. "Actually, that's exactly what we're going to do." Skye and Simmons both spoke up, one in alarm and one in joy. "When we first found the hammer in New Mexico, Crawford you might remember as you pretended to be there-"

"Funny, sir," I tried to sound mad, but couldn't hide the smile if I tried.

"I consulted on of the leading experts on Norse mythology… Eliot Randolph, a professor at a university in Seville." He puts the model down and looked us all over before nodding to May. She was off before he spoke again. "We'll leave immediately. Maybe he can tell us more about these markings. Crawford will be with me to talk with him," he said as he started out. "And you can bring the mouse."

I turned to Fitz in elation with an extended hand, and he was quick to oblige my high five.

XXX

I took a quick nap on the way to Seville to get my energy up before readying myself to join Coulson in Lola on the drive to the university, Cheesetauri's ball in my lap as he drove. "How are you feeling Crawford? You've seemed alright the rest of the day."

"I have been," I told him sincerely. "I don't know what that moment was, but it was indeed just a moment. I'm sorry I freaked everyone out."

He paused for a moment. "Do you remember what you said to me?"

"I do, but I can't remember why for the life of me I did. It seemed important at the time though, critical even. I think it would be for the best if we both keep it in mind in case it applies to some situation we're going to be facing." And I had been considering that, instructions placed in my head that were activated when this whole event happened. "I unfortunately still have quite a few question marks when it comes to the things I do."

"We'll face them as they come," he promised. "Just as long as you're okay. Don't feel like you have to deal with all of this on you own. My door is open anytime."

As always, Coulson had this way of making me feel like a million dollars. "I will, sir. I promise." And I meant it. I was incapable of lying to the man these days.

We parked and made our way to Randolph's office, pausing outside the door at the voices inside. "I've included a list of book there that might help you. I'll see you later." The door opened and a young woman, a little uncomfortable, strolled past and revealed a smaller man behind her. His eyes went to me first before he almost seemed to shudder and turn to Coulson. "Oh!"

"Professor Randolph," he greeted. "This is Agent Crawford."

He didn't even glance my direction again as he gestured for Coulson to enter. "Come in, come in."

Coulson pointed to the pen in his hand. "Waterfield 44." He chuckled to himself. "14-karat-gold nib with mother-of-pearl inlay." Leave it to a mythology professor to bring out the collector in him.

"That's quite an eye you've got. I didn't know you were a collector."

"On a government salary, not quite."

He stepped around his desk, facing us but again it seemed making a deliberate effort not to look in my direction, focusing purely on Coulson. "Well, I'm assuming you found something on the ground in London."

Coulson set his briefcase down and pulled out the model. "In a tree in Norway. And, unfortunately, we weren't the ones who found it."

Randolph made his way around and began to examine it with great curiosity. "It's a 3-D model my friend Leo Fitz-"

"Please don't speak," he cut me off curtly, holding a hand up in my direction. I looked to Coulson, but he merely shrugged as Randolph looked the model over. "Oh, that is amazing. Now, based on these runes I'd say I'm looking at a piece of the Berserker staff." He thrust is back at me unceremoniously and grabbed a book from the desk. "Let's have a look." He turned the pages with a grunt before smiling. "Yeah, the myth dates back to the late 12th century. It's all about a powerful warrior from Asgard." He looked over the page before pointing at a line. "Here. A soldier in the Berserker army."

"Berserker army?" I questioned as I put the staff back in briefcase.

He shook his head. "Please, I warned you not to speak. But they are a powerful army, fierce." Okay, this guy was really starting to get on my nerves. "Berserkers battled like raging beasts, destroying everything in their path. A single Berserker had the strength of twenty warriors."

"So whoever wielded the staff got superhuman strength?" Coulson questioned, the both of us clearly drawn into the tale.

"Fighting with it put the warrior into a state of uncontrollable rage," Randolph explained, making things click with the behavior the girlfriend had been exhibiting according to Lunde. "The staff contained a very powerful magic."

"Simmons would argue science," I quipped to Coulson.

"I'm sorry, but can she wait outside," Randolph said suddenly. "I'm not comfortable continuing with her here."

What the hell? "Seriously?" I questioned, watching him rub his face. "I'm sorry if I've offended you, but-"

"Just get out!" he shouted, pointing to the door. I turned to Coulson, who didn't seem to know what to do with this situation. So I made the tough choice and started for the door, grumbling to myself about the asshole professor the entire way out. "Wait," he spoke suddenly, making me pause. "The mouse can stay if he desires." I made sure to slam the door so hard it rattled. I leaned against the wall, stewing until Coulson emerged about ten minutes later.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but he-"

"Ignore him," Coulson dismissed. "He's not exactly all there and you're lucky he didn't take an interest in you given his history." I had to run to keep up with him as he typed away on his phone. "He thinks we should check Baffin Island off the coast of Canada. I'm sending Agents in the vicinity over there now."

I nodded. "Any idea about the third?"

"Only vague poetry," he sighed. "Thank you for making the call back there, Crawford. I know it was hard to step away…"

"Do you know what his problem was with me?" I questioned, still irate over the whole situation in that office. "He wouldn't even look at me, the asshole."

"I don't, but I believe it was nothing on your part. He just doesn't know how to handle a strong young woman such as yourself." He held the door to Lola open for me.

Like I said, leave it Coulson to make you feel like a million bucks when you're down.

XXX

So Baffin Island ended up being a bust and our bad luck seemed to continue with the riots dying down as everyone seemed to go underground to find the next piece. That and my training session with May ended with me chipping a front tooth when she flipped me onto my stomach. You could only see it if you really looked, but it was enough to add to my self-conscious attitude after the asshole professor had cast his judgement on me with one look.

But now was not the time. Because right now I was in a crypt in the bowels of Seville, navigating the cobwebs and rats as I attempted to track down the piece of staff Skye and May had dug up might be hiding down here. Cheesetauri was attached to my backpack and well out of reach of his rat brethren who sent a shiver up my spine as one crawled over my boot. My flashlight probed the walls as I continued forward, one of Fitz's device clutched in my other hand, cursing myself for volunteering to come down here with Ward and Skye so we could cover more ground. I should have stayed with Fitz and Coulson in the car. I tentatively stepped forward, cautious with every single one that I would end up stepping on the remains of some poor Viking soul.

" _Ward, your spectrograph is reading something near you,"_ I heard Fitz in my ear. His voice gave me a degree of comfort as I paused in my trek, letting the familiar Scottish lilt lull me into a deep breath to calm my nerves. It had been a long day and I was starting to regret my quest for excitement.

" _I don't see anything._ "

" _Well, it's right in front of you._ "

"Lee, be nice," I chided him.

" _Oh, wait. No. Uh, okay, hold on. It's moving. Northwest._ " Weird. I started to make my way back towards the entrance we had come from.

" _Visual contact,_ " Ward confirmed. Fitz guided him along for a moment as I tried to navigate the labyrinth- running myself now as I sensed an urgency about the situation. " _Ran into some unexpected com_ …"I rounded the corner just in time to see Ward go down like a sack of potatoes after a groan in pain, a figure that looked amazingly like the asshole professor making his way up the ladder with what had to be the staff. I made my decision right there, rushing to his side and kneeling on the ground next to him.

"Ward's down," I said out loud, hand going to my ear. "Randolph ran off with the staff. He has it" I shook him a bit as Skye came across us, towering over me. "Ward," I shook him. "Ward, are you all right?"

He sat up like a shot, flipping me onto my back and pinning me to the ground with a hand around my neck. I felt everything is me go cold as he glared down at me with so much ferocity, pressure making it hard to breathe. "Ward," I croaked. "Ward, stop." Skye ran into him as things went fuzzy in my vision, managing to knock him a little loose of me so I could get in one solid gasp. I dug my hands into his hand, trying to pull it free but it was no use.

"Grant, stop! You have to stop! Clam down, please!" she cried as I coughed. She touched him again and I swore his eyes dilated. And then it was like something clicked and he was across the room, as far from me as possible. "Calm down," she got between us as he started hyperventilating and I coughed heavily to fill my lungs, making sure Cheesetauri was alright. I couldn't stop my arms from trembling as I tried and failed to push myself up.

He just kept breathing heavily, even as Skye helped him to his feet. "The staff," he said shakily. "He has it."

She kept herself between us as her hand went to her ear. "Something's wrong with Ward. Ashleigh's hurt." She then turned slowly and helped me to my knees, patting my back as my breathing started to normalize. "Are you okay, Ashleigh?"

I tried to speak, but only a croak came out. So I settled for nodding, noticing Ward seem to realize that I was there and what had happened to me.

"Crawford!" He took a step towards me, but I shrunk back. "Crawford, I didn't-"

"Stay… away… from me," I lashed out, voice croaking horribly. Logic told me I had no reason to fear Grant Ward, but my emotional roller coaster was doing everything for me. And it was afraid of what had just happened… and that it could happen again.

"Crawford… Ashleigh, I would never-"

"Ash! Ash!" There was a thud as Fitz practically threw himself down the ladder, running past Skye's barrier and running right up to me. He had me on my feet in a few moments, arm laced around mine for support. "Ash, are you alright?"

I nodded, starting to come down from the adrenaline of the moment. I sagged against him but he kept me solid and steady. "We'll have Simmons look you over when we get back." He led to the ladder and gestured for me to go first. "Go ahead. I'm right behind you." I tried to thank him, but words refused to come out. He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You're welcome." I started up the ladder and he followed, the other two behind me. As we started towards the car, Fitz wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close as I shivered. I glanced back to see Skye was whispering up a storm to Ward, who had his eyes locked on me. I turned back and Fitz pulled me closer, head resting on top of mine.

We found Coulson waiting there with Professor Asshole in the backseat of the Jeep with a scowl on his face. There was no sign of the staff which certainly didn't bode well. Coulson came right up to me, frowning at my neck. "I want her fully worked up when we get back."

"I already planned on that," Fitz agreed, helping me into the car. Randolph's head whipped around the moment I was in front of him, staring at my eyes briefly before turning away. He almost looked like the mere sight of me was making him sweat. I didn't care and climbed in with Fitz and Skye behind me, sliding right up beside him. He took a deep breath. "I can't-"

"You're in no position to make demands," Coulson barked as he climbed into the driver's seat and started the car. I was still shaking, Fitz clutching my hand the whole ride and unclipping my back pack to put Cheesetauri in my lap. Ward just stared straight ahead in the passenger's seat while Skye had her arm behind Fitz to rest on my shoulder. It was silent as a grave in there. I then realized my breathing wasn't the heaviest in the car and turned to see Randolph was almost shaking and trying to be as far away from me as our small space was allowed. I tried to call him out, but only a squeak came out. Well, it looks like he had won in that respect.

We drove up the cargo ramp, Coulson dragging Randolph in the direction of the Interrogation Room without hesitation while the four of us stepped into the lab. Simmons had Ward hooked up to a strange bit of blinking metal cups pretty quickly before looking me over with a comforting hug. "It looks like he damaged you windpipe quite a bit," she diagnosed. "It should be fine in a day or so though. The bruises… they might be a week or two." I nodded, sensing the tension present in the room.

Everyone had their eyes warily on Ward, including myself. Fitz was perched between the two of us protectively while Skye hovered on the other side of the table. We all watched Jemma work in silence for a moment before Ward finally spoke up, making me flinch with his harsh tone.

"This is ridiculous."

"It's anything but," Skye argued. "Ward, you passed out. And when you woke up you nearly killed Ashleigh because you weren't right."

"Listen, my training just kicked in when I woke up. I acted on instinct and she got hurt, but-"

"You had her for a solid thirty seconds," Skye disagreed. "That wasn't instinct." He growled in annoyance.

"Coulson ordered me to give you a full work-up, and that's exactly what I'm doing," Simmons cut in, looking over her tablet. "Um, before you lost consciousness, were you feeling claustrophobic?"

He looked at her like she was insane. "Why?"

"She's ruling out a panic attack," Fitz informed him, not a hint of warmth in his voice at what I assumed was in defense of his best friend.

"I don't panic," he shot down harshly. "Ever."

"There we go," Simmons tried to appease him. "Ruled out."

"Touching the staff caused it, right?" Skye cut right to the chase. She looked at me and I nodded, reflecting back on the moment.

"Any residual effects?" Simmons asked him. "Are you exhibiting any extra s-strength?"

Ward nodded towards the screen that displayed footage from the Interrogation Room. "Why don't I find out on that guy?"

"Why don't we not worry about him?" I croaked, having some manner of speech back though shaky. My voice seemed to shut him down a bit and he looked down, almost ashamed.

"What's the last thing you remember before you lost consciousness?" Simmons followed up.

"This is a waste of time," he declared, pulling his arm free of the device around it in irritation. He rose and stepped forward, Fitz sliding so he was partially in front of me. "This is a waste of time. We need to find the staff." This wasn't Ward. This wasn't our Ward, fun killer, and it was plain to see. He hadn't even apologized to me yet and the real Ward… the real Ward would.

"Answer the question," Fitz said with a harsh edge. "What do you remember?"

"Something I hadn't thought about in a long time," he replied after a beat, haunted look crossing his face for just a moment. Whatever it was, it had been bad.

"Why don't we leave it alone?" Skye seemed to sense it to as she put a stop to all this. The group of them devolved into worrying whispers while Ward turned his attention back to the screen.

"Quiet!" he barked, making all of us jump. "I want to hear this." And he turned the volume up as we all hung back by each other in a scared silence, afraid of what this Ward might be capable of. We listened as Coulson questioned Randolph on his motives, the Asshole Professor only offering that he wanted to study it and prove the Berserker to be part of history. Simmons glanced down at her screen as Ward watched, before hitting a button that shut the screen off.

"What are you doing?" he wheeled on us. Simmons had the courage to face him and actually smile. "Your heart rate's rising," she told him gently. "Adrenaline's spiking. You need to calm down, not get worked up." He sighed for a long moment before taking an even longer breath, leaning over the lab table. Skye took initiative and leaned in with him, saying some things that only seemed to make him angrier.

"Because that's what you do… talk… and talk," he voice grew in volume as Skye stepped away, almost afraid of him. "You're worse than Crawford. Don't you ever get tired of hearing your own voices? Maybe it's a good thing she can't talk right now."

"Ward. Stop," Fitz warned, putting even more distance between myself and Ward.

Simmons glanced at her tablet. "Well! This makes more sense. Ward, what you're experiencing, this feeling… it's chemistry. All of it."

"Hope so," Skye voiced, eyes locked on him.

"Yeah, spikes in his adrenocorticotropic hormone." She snapped, looking for a way for us to relate to her babble. "It's like those stories you hear when a mother is able to lift a car to save her baby. An adrenaline surge can create a massive-"

"Stop talking!" he barked in a very threatening manner. "Just fix it!"

"I wish I could," she frowned. "We can relieve some of the symptoms. I'm going to give you 10cc of benzodiazepine."

I turned to Fitz. "Chill pill," he answered my unspoken question before nodding at his partner. "Good idea."

"A sedative?" Ward went off. "Not gonna happen."

Fitz stared him right down without a hint of fear. "Yeah, well, be reasonable. Look at how you're behaving… what you've done already."

Ward poked him in the chest harshly. And that was enough for me as I got to my feet. "And if I'm sedated and we cross paths with those juiced freaks, the ones who flip cars and smash people up, are you gonna take them on? Keep us safe? Or am I gonna have to save Simmons' ass…again?" He paled a bit and I slid right between them, narrowing my eyes as I held Cheesetauri's ball.

"You leave him… leave him the hell alone Ward," I managed. "This isn't you… isn't you and you know it. So stop."

He glanced at me for a small moment before turning back to Fitz. "Look at her jumping in to defend her hero. Her Lee. Little Ash and her pet rat, because she has no one else. Little does she know the only reason you saved her ass was because you didn't have what it took to save Simmons. She was just the runner-up and it must eat you alive she gives you so much credit for it." I could feel Fitz behind me shaking, so I just went for it.

It wasn't the first time I had punched Ward, but it was certainly the hardest. It sent him reeling a bit and I heard Skye gasp as he whirled back to face me with that dangerous glint in his eye. But I wasn't scared of him anymore and I certainly wasn't going to let him get away with this.

"Leave them… leave them alone, Ward." He just glared down at me. "What are you going… going to do? Finish the… job this time?" His eyes darted to my neck before going back up again, the glint having faded a touch. And then he turned to storm out, but not before slapping my hand and sending the ball to the floor.

"Cheesetauri!" I shouted, dropping down to make sure he was okay. The lab door slid shut and I cradled the ball to my chest, grateful he seemed shaken up inside but otherwise alright. "It's okay, buddy. I'm here."

"That was just a biochemical reaction," Simmons addressed us after a moment of silence. "He didn't mean all that."

"No, I know," Skye nodded, clearly shaken.

"No explanation necessary," Fitz added, clearly pissed as well. I wasn't content to let him off the hook so easily though.

"Screw him." With that I rose to my feet, ball cradled to my chest. "I'm… I'm going to find Coulson and get… get in there with Randolph." God, this voice sucked.

"Ash, you've been through a lot. Maybe you should just sit down and-"

I hugged him tight, cutting him off. "I know… I know what he said isn't true. Okay?" I looked him right in the eye. "I know, Lee. I'm okay."

He just looked down at me before smiling and taking a step back. "Go get all the answers we need. Randolph isn't going to know what hit him." I nodded proudly and started out the lab door for the Interrogation Room, opposite the way Ward went, strapping Cheesetauri to my belt as I went.

"She literally just has to hug you and you do anything she says," I heard Skye comment as I left.

"I do not," I heard him argue.

"It's a fair observation," Simmons countered and that was the last I heard as the doors closed behind me. I squared my shoulders, shaking my mind free of Ward and choking and headaches and memories and Thor and whatever lies Skye was going to put into his head- I could worry about that later, and continued my march because someone was going to get a piece of my mind.

Professor Asshole was about to be ripped a new one. I thought my day was bad, just wait until I dealt with his.

XXX

 _Here we are. Sorry for such a long wait but this one required some real development on my part in terms of moving forward. There are a lot of clues in here as to the future and I had to make sure it all played out just right. So thank you all for your patience and marvelous support. The next one should be up by next week- I'm already through a large portion of it. As for Randolph's weird behavior, well you might just have to wait and see._

 _Thanks to those who have followed this story and decided to keep a tab on where it goes: Alexstarlight18, Randomfox77, midnight03, Subeast, xoshellbee, I Love Oc's, XxAmyTheGreatxX, happinessinthedarktimes, Sparkplugs, livlifembleming, eckles, nightmareparade, readingisloving, Densho, Please Ignore This, alysianicole, The Ultimate Prize, Brokencity14, Nightwhat, and Madalayna. I hope it was nice to receive an e-mail at long last and I hope they become more frequent._

 _Thank you to those who have favorited- letting me know how highly they view this little venture of mine: Supernatural Believer, alexmariewinchester, Randomfox77, midnight03, Hurrincane.'97, I Love OC's, Sparkplugs, Mikado X Goddess, livlifembleming, simslovr1, eckles, just-keep-dreaming, readingisloving, Please Ignore This, alysianicole, Brokencity14, and harley001._

 _I swear each time I think these lists will get shorter, but they just seem to get longer. Thank you to everyone again for the love and support._

 _And thank you my very special reviewers: Madalayna, Guest, Mikado X Goddess, HoneyBunnyLemon, MiaR, AthenaB, NessieBooEvans, MulishaMaiden, Lara Barnes, stormrunner74, Cow-Lover2214, and a special shout-out to my friend eckles for making my day. I love all of you and appreciate you kind words so much._

 _See you all very soon- promise._


	18. Angry as a Hulk

_Angry as a Hulk_

It was pretty easy to meet up with Coulson, catching him just as he exited the Interrogation Room. Since he thought he was now alone, he let the frustration show clearly across his face as he stared at the wall opposite where he had exited. "I take… take it he's not being… very cooperative," I croaked, still unable to get my voice above anything but a whisper. He turned to me as I coughed, desperate to end the scratchiness but to no avail. God, Skye was going to need to make me some soup later because this was kind of agonizing. Scratch that. Ward was going to make me all the soup once he snapped the hell out of this and got on his hands and knees to beg for my good favor once again.

He looked at me for a long moment, or more accurately at my neck. I imagined it must look pretty rough and I don't think I had any turtlenecks to hide behind for the next few things. So everyone was just going to have to get used to the sight. He almost seemed to be weighing options in his mind, debating what he was going to say to me.

I had a hell of a day and I could see the hesitation in him. I probably was experiencing it too on some deep level I refused to acknowledge. I just seemed to keep getting knocked down and I doubted that was going to be slowing at all. This whole journey so far seemed to consist of me getting knocked on my ass and then having to jump back to my feet as quickly as possible. And Coulson seemed to be trying to determine how much longer I could keep getting up.

Well, I was here and I was on my feet. He wasn't keeping me away from helping him solve this thing. I stood a little straighter, trying to appear less tired and more focused. It was hard but I pushed everything aside battling for thoughts in my mind and forced myself into the moment. "So… so how are we… getting him to talk-talk, sir?"

And just like that he seemed to decide I had made the decision for him. "Follow me to my office. We'll keep an eye on him there." He started and I fell in step right beside him. "He claims to have no idea how the group found it- that he isn't assisting them in any form. He just wanted to be the first to study his life's work and watch myth become history."

"Given how they…they-"

"Go as slow as you need," he commented as we started up the stairs. "I'm listening."

I nodded, taking a breath and tried not to force it as much. "Given how they… left him, beat him up, and… flipped his car… I think that might be true. He was nowhere… to be found at the first site. If anything… we tipped him off to… the staff ourselves." We entered the office and Coulson took his seat at his desk, flipping the television on to display the Interrogation Room while I took the chair across from him and turned it the same way. There he sat, cool as a cucumber. Almost cooler somehow. "Something's not right." I could feel it.

"I know. I mentioned my previous encounters with Thor and Loki- the fact that they are not mythical beings but aliens of enormous power who came from the sky- which usually manages to turn a few heads-"

I glanced his way. "I'd imagine."

"He didn't even blink."

I nodded, glancing back at Randolph… whistling? Was he actually whistling? It was very unnerving. It made you feel like he somehow had the upper hand… when we had him locked up in a reinforced box on an airplane. I turned back to Coulson and quickly recognized the look on his face as one of remembrance. "You've seen this… before."

"Thor," he spoke after a moment. "Thor behaved the exact same way back in New Mexico. Same level of arrogance and keeping calm under pressure. The situation didn't faze him because in theory he could've broken out at any time." Coulson clearly was thinking this theory was a stretch, but for me it seemed to be more the solution that clicked everything into place. "Plus I still go back to that pen in his office. There is no way a professor of his caliber could afford something so rare. I'd have to save for close to eighty years personally." We were both putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, but I think both of us were tentative to say what the conclusion was that we were both coming to.

But the more I considered it the more the idea cemented it for me. "He wasn't… surprised to hear they were… aliens from the sky… because… he already knew that." I looked back at the screen, squinting at the man just sitting there. This man… was Asgardian? I mean it made sense and added everything up- how he knew so much about the whole affair. But it just seemed… this guy sure as hell wasn't Thor. And it still didn't explain why he had such issues with me personally. But it was a start, an angle we could use to finally get to the bottom of this.

"He's not going to tell us if we ask him," Coulson surmised, and I agreed with him. "We need to force his hand somehow- make him reveal himself." We sat for a moment, staring at the screen and trying to concoct a plan when a figure appeared in the open doorway. I turned to see Ward and felt a little ashamed at the shiver that ran through my body. I didn't need to be afraid of him I had to remind myself. He may be acting like a complete jerk right now, but I still didn't believe he would hurt any of us in his frustration. If anyone could overcome a drive for anger I had no doubt it would be Ward in his determination to protect us the rest of this mission. He'd have to dig deep… and then apologize his butt off.

And sure enough, he looked a little more put together and anchored now as he focused his attention right on Coulson, forcing himself to keep me out of his vision. It almost seemed like he would lose whatever nerve he had to come here now if he did. There was a bruise now visible on his chin from where I had landed my punch, giving me a brief surge of pride that my training seemed to be paying off slightly. And I was pretty sure Coulson noticed too from the look he gave me. "A moment, sir?"

Coulson didn't waste a beat in welcoming him, eyes still glancing to Randolph. "Come on in." Ward stepped into the middle of the room, hands clasped in front of him as he presented himself to the both of us- sweating and clearly a little shaken under his usual demeanor.

He finally allowed himself to glance at me. "I'm concerned that my exposure to the weapon has compromised my ability to do my job."

Okay, this felt personal. Like it was going to get really personal and uncomfortable with me as the third wheel. I started to rise from my chair. "Should I-?"

"You can stay Crawford," Coulson made clear and I dropped back down. "Agent Ward owes this explanation to you as much as myself if it helps illuminate his actions. I feel he perhaps wants to speak to the both of us." I highly doubted that, but was surprised when Ward gave the smallest of nods in agreement. "Go on."

"You're familiar with my family history?" This one I felt was meant only for Coulson. So I just kept my eyes on Cheesetauri on my belt, trying not to disturb the moment too much with my presence. "So, for obvious reasons, I don't think back to childhood. Ever. There are things I put away a long time ago. On lockdown. Because to do this, I have to be focused, tactical. I can't be distracted." Now, I sensed I could come in, glancing back up to see him staring right at my neck. "Especially by things that happened a lifetime ago." The poor guy in all honesty did seem pretty shaken up by this whole thing. I couldn't imagine having memories so bad you basically forced yourself to forget them.

But maybe that was exactly what I had done.

"You're saying touching the staff unlocked certain memories," Coulson probed, all business.

"My worst memory," he admitted, getting a far off look in his eye. It was almost like he wasn't in the room with us anymore mentally. His voice even broke under the next words. "The first time I felt… hate." He shook his head, tears almost in his eyes as he tried to pull free of that place. "And it won't go away."

And just like that I wanted to hug him. All my fear and anger was almost eaten away by the expression on his face right now. Because despite what had happened back in the lab, the fact of the matter was he hadn't asked for this. He hadn't asked for any of this- to be controlled by emotions he kept so buried I doubted I even knew the half of them. I had always figured Grant Ward as the perennial Boy Scout, but perhaps he had flirted in the darkness as much as the rest of us had. He was human after all, not the robot it was sometimes too easy to paint him as.

I decided right there and then that I would forgive him as soon as I got word that he had apologized to everyone for the lab. He was lashing out, inappropriately- hence apologies still necessary, because Grant Ward for the first time in a long time was scared of what he was feeling. And there were no emotions I could sympathize with more than that. I tried to make that crystal clear in my face as he looked at me, but it almost seemed too much and he turned back to Coulson.

"I don't trust myself," he admitted, which I knew was huge. I wanted to say something, but almost didn't trust myself to say anything that wouldn't only hurt him further. "The way I went off at Skye and Fitz-Simmons in the lab… what I did to Crawford back there- God, I nearly killed her…"

"Grant," Coulson interrupted, the picture of calm and warmth. Just what the poor guy needed right now. Coulson always knew exactly what to say. "You telling me this makes me feel I can trust you." And with one sentence Ward looked like a giant weight had been removed from his shoulder, rightfully so too. I know I believed he was still capable of protecting us to the best of his abilities like usual. This Ward was much more my Ward, analyzing his own flaws in terms of doing his job. He was going to come down from this and be okay.

Coulson focused his attention back on the screen to Randolph. "Him, on the other hand… I can't get the Professor to talk." He seemed to have an idea as he made his way around the desk to stand before Ward. "You've got some rage built up. Maybe it's time to let it out."

Alarms instantly went off in my head and I was on my feet, earning their attention with how sudden the movement was. I did my best to put some form of force behind my voice so it gave the impression I needed to be listened to. "Sir, I don't… I don't think that's the best… idea here." I coughed at the effort, perhaps undercutting my attempt.

It was just like I feared when I looked back up and saw Ward's face. I had said completely the wrong thing and he looked more wounded and guilty than perhaps I had ever seen him- all that confidence restored by Coulson gone. And it was because of what had just come out of my mouth. He thought I didn't trust him. He thought I didn't believe he could do his job. And to Ward that was perhaps the quickest way any of this team could cut to his core. He probably thought he even deserved it at this point. I had screwed up and I needed to fix this fast.

I stepped up to close the distance between myself and the two of them, folding my arms. "I don't mean… I just…" Best to just come out with it. "I think I should… go in."

They both just blinked at me, staring a moment before Coulson spoke up. "Crawford, you can barely even talk. You're in no position to be in the Interrogation Room. I know you want to be in the middle of the action, but using Ward's anger-"

"We shouldn't have to," I disagreed. "Ward… he seems to finally be… coming around from this… stabilizing. The last thing we should… be doing is abusing… his emotions… his darkest memories to our own ends. Not when we… have another option."

Coulson seemed curious now while Ward was staring at me with a completely unreadable expression. "Which is you?" our fearless leader probed.

I nodded, forcing my throat clear. Slow and steady was helping, but I was severely down in my words per minute. "You know there's something there. He hates me… he can't stand being near me… and we really have no clue why. Coulson, he doesn't like hearing… me talk. Put me… in a room with him… just the two of us… and let me talk. Just let me talk… drive him up a wall…and I will get him to admit it." And maybe I could get to the bottom of his feelings for me as well, personally. "You know he won't… be able to stand it."

"Admit what?" Ward asked the two of us. "What have the two of you cooked up now?"

"We believe Randolph is an Asgardian," Coulson finally admitted out loud, eyes never leaving me though. I stared right back, fists clenching at my side. I could do this. I needed to do this.

"Seriously?" Ward asked in disbelief, only to see we weren't joking in the slightest. He glanced over his shoulder at the television. "Never would have figured him for the God type."

"Alien," we both corrected, causing him to put his hands up.

Coulson was still staring at me. "You really think you can do this? Make him talk just by talking to him?"

I nodded, completely confident and with a bit of a smirk on my face. "Sir, I'm going to break him."

"Then that's our plan of action," he decided. "We send Crawford in and then if that fails we can always turn back to our plan with Ward." He glanced at the television one last time before turning it off. "Let's get going so we can get to the third part of the staff before our Norwegian friends." With that, he was out the door with the two of us right behind him. Ward, however, came to an abrupt stop and turned to me in the doorway.

"Crawford, you don't have to do this," he offered. "I know I did a hell of a number on you and no one will blame you in the slightest for sitting this one out. You could make this worse." I just blinked at him. "I'd be find with using this anger, really. Maybe letting it out will be good. It's hard to get it out of my head as it is. Dialing into that stuff is easy and-"

I covered his hand with one of mine. "Ward… you're finally you again. This team can't… can't afford to lose that." I could see he wasn't convinced, so I took a deep breath and prayed my next words were the right ones. "You do a great job at protecting us. So…this time… let me do this… and protect you." With that, I stepped around him and started down the stairs. I heard him start to follow once I was at the bottom, seeming to have stuck in shock for a moment. Grant Ward wasn't used to people looking out for him and caring about him… especially when he had choked them about an hour before.

He was damn well going to have to get used to it.

Coulson stood in front of the Interrogation Room door when the two of us caught up to him. He placed his hand on the door handle and I positioned myself in front of it, praying my voice held out long enough to get the job done. "You're sure about this?"

I thrust Cheesetauri into Ward's unsuspecting hands. "Let me at him." With that, the door swung open and I entered the room. Randolph didn't even look up from the table as it shut behind me. He just sat there like a smug asshole. So I cleared my throat loudly and the effect was immediate.

He was instantly on edge, refusing to look up though he knew I was here. "What are you doing here? I don't remember requesting visitors." He was trying to play it nonchalant, but his body language gave him away way too easily. He was already desperate to get me out of there. "Besides, I think you should be off recuperating- resting your voice."

I walked up to the table and stood across from him, folding my arms. "Actually…" And he was already cringing at a word. Bingo. "I think using it… might help the old pipes. So why don't you and I… talk about what you were doing… what that staff did to my friend… and how you knew where it was?" He just stared down, refusing to answer. But he was now fidgeting in his seat. "Allow me to repeat… my questions."

"I heard you the first time," he cut me off. "I just have no interest in speaking to you, darling." He looked up, but it was past my ear to the wall behind me. "Sorry. It's nothing personal."

I nodded, playing along. "Sure it isn't. I'm over here… by the way. And I may not… be a knockout… like the girl in your office… but I have to win compared to the other options… in this room." He squirmed even more and I smirked, ready to just keep running my mouth. "I mean we have wall," I pointed, "wall… wall… wall… table… floor… ceiling… pretty girl," I ended on myself with a large smile. He glanced at me and instantly turned back. "Come on. From what I saw… at your office… where we met… if you remember…that you like pretty girls."

"I'm afraid you're not my type," he told me in an extremely clipped tone, all of the bravado and confidence up in smoke. He was literally gritting his teeth at this point, obviously trying to hold back. Well, it looked like I just needed to get him to open up a little. Get to the bottom of how he really feels about me.

"And why is that?" I questioned, playing this up for all it was worth. "Is it the blonde thing? Or is it the… ponytail thing? Does it scream… to young? Then again… all you student… should scream that." He was glaring. "Come on… I saw you with that student. I'm not an idiot… or at least I like… to think so. But back… on topic." Wow, this was taking the wind out of my sails. But I needed to keep going.

"Is it the height… you don't like taller girls? I'm not that tall though… nearly every guy I know is taller. Though I admit I don't… know a lot. It's because I'm… an amnesiac you see. I don't remember close to anything… about my past." My voice was starting to go out, but I could tell I was close. I just needed to keep pushing. I had to be stronger than him. "Wait… is that it? Don't like girls… who can't remember… their own history? I could see how that's… quite the deal breaker." God, this was starting to hurt. "Or maybe… it's my sparkling sense of humor… and dry-"

"It's because you aren't right!" he snapped, leaning forward over the desk and finally meeting my glance for just the barest of moments. He then realized his mistake and leaned back, trying to appear calm. But I knew I was really under the skin now. "There. Now leave me alone and bring Coulson back in. I would like to speak to Agent Coulson, not some blubbering croaking girl."

"Wow… that hurts. But, sorry Professor… what the hell… is that supposed to mean? How am I not right?" He just stared at the wall. And I knew I couldn't do a long speech again. I just couldn't. My throat was already burning. But maybe, maybe I could bluff my way out of this. "Let me think about this… it could be-"

He groaned, knowing exactly where I was going with this- or in my case pretending to go. "Fine. You want to know? You want to know so you can leave me alone and get out of this room before I strangle you myself?" I answered with a shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. "You're not supposed to be here."

"That is still… vague as shit," I countered. Now I was losing the fact if I was pushing him to accomplish our plan or just to get to the bottom of mine. I had sworn off this personal stuff and I needed to keep to that. "I'm not quite… putting much stock… in your opinions."

"Let me complete my thought. Boy, you would fail my class." And I know it was completely childish, but I stuck my tongue out at him. After all this, he deserved it. He bristled at that, but kept going. "You don't belong here. I don't pretend to know how or why but you are not what is supposed to happen. Every word you speak should not happen. Everything you do alters things in way they were never meant to be changed. You are a huge mistake." His words were building now as he pushed his fingers down on the desk. "Every time you speak it is like nails scratching across a chalkboard. Even looking at you gives one a headache. It is best to ignore you because it keeps me from experiencing the greatest kind of annoyance and rejection my mind can muster. And there is nothing that can be done about it because you are still here wreaking havoc on how everything is supposed to be. You, Agent Crawford, aren't supposed to be here- in this place with these people saying or doing anything in this time."

I know I should have responded, participate in this game of ping pong I had now started. He had dished back what I had served and now it was my turn to go even further. But the words dried right up in my mouth as I registered what he way saying. It was all flights of fancy I could ignore and roll my eyes at until that final line- the final three words specifically. Because that line was way to freaking specific coming from someone who knew absolutely nothing about what I had been through. And it brought that conversation with Sitwell, the crazy part only Fitz knew about. And then there had been that freaky moment earlier- the memory I was becoming more sure I had.

The thing I had half a week ago been desperate to bury and move on from was now all but consuming my thoughts. Talk about a cruel irony.

But I needed to play the game. This needed to end. So I planted either hand on a side of the desk and leaned in real close, so he couldn't avoid looking at me. Eye to eye despite his best attempts to move out of range. "So I'm not right. I'm a mistake. I don't belong here. Your… supposed sixth sense… tells you this… by looking at me?" And I saw what he was talking about, the flickers of annoyance at the mere sight of me. I decided to stretch every word for ultimate emphasis, each one a blow to him. "And… how… would… you… know… something… crazy…like… that… Professor… Randolph?"

"Because I have the ability to see the world differently than most. I know more than most about the way the world should be."

"Why?" Nothing. But I wasn't about to let up. I didn't have much steam left, but I needed to plow through this one last thing. So I somehow got just an inch closer, smiling my biggest smile. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?"

"Because I'm an Asgardian!" He barked in one large explosion, finally at the end of his rope where I was concerned. And there it was, right out for everyone to see. I pulled back, now the smug one for a change. I had won and we both knew it. He blew his secret because he got annoyed by the sound of some girl's voice to the point it drove him mad. Pretty lame, Professor Asshole. "I mean-"

I held up a finger to silence him, not needing anything else on his part. I went to the door and knocked on it three times, always looking at him with the largest smile. "You heard the man. We got him."

I took a step back as Ward and Coulson came in, immediately heading straight for Randolph, who knew the game was up as he broke the handcuffs open to free his wrists like it was easy. Coulson and Ward, who looked a little more intense than he perhaps should be, loomed over him as he laughed to himself. I myself was standing between them a little farther back, very conscious that Ward at first had seemed bent on blocking my view by getting in front of me. "Wow. That was a very good show. Using her of all people… very clever. But I have to know how you all figured me out."

"Did the math," Coulson answered. "One… you're not the first Asgardian I've had in custody. You guys don't flinch or panic in captivity. Two… a Waterfield 44? On a lit Professor's salary?" Randolph gave a point at this, as if it was the clincher he should have seen coming. "I don't think so. And lastly, when I tell someone I've had some one-on-one time with an alien, they tend to be a little curious."

"Well, you're certainly more observant than most, Agent Coulson," Randolph offered, clearly impressed by him at least. With others in the room, he once again was focusing on them with all his might instead of me.

"So, you're the Asgardian warrior who stayed?" Coulson referred back to the story we… or he had heard. I had been thrown out of the room. Still a little sore about that really.

"Please don't tell anyone," Randolph, asked, sounding sincere. He and Coulson traded a few more words as I felt my mind going back to what he had said about time. It wasn't possible. It was practically impossible. But it was starting to become the only thing that made sense when you put the pieces together and that was pretty hard to ignore. It was getting even harder to ignore what exactly that meant for me and my past.

I was pulled back into the moment by the sound of the door locking, making me jump a bit. Randolph gave an amused nod. "Ah, locking me in. Well, I've been in tighter spots."

And just like that I was blocked again by Ward's back. I rolled my eyes in annoyance, not believing any threat out of this guy's mouth. "This room is made of a silicon carbide-coated Vibranium alloy. Meant for prisoners like yourself."

"But you're all in here too," he reminded Ward, giving a dramatic moment for the words to settle in. Ward's fists clenched. "And eventually, somebody will open that door."

"Not if I tell them not to," Coulson threw back, unbothered.

"Ah, maybe not for the two of you," Randolph agreed. "But people tend to get more lenient when a young girl is involved and screaming for her life. Especially in that grating voice of hers."

Ward looked over his shoulder at me. "Crawford, you should-"

"Like hell I am," I didn't even let him finish, stepping around him to get within sight again. "Please… he's nothing but bluster."

Coulson decided to get back on topic thankfully. "So, the myth is your autobiography."

"I didn't write it. I didn't want anyone to know about me. Then I had to open my big mouth."

"Were you captured?" Ward questioned. "Tortured?"

But we knew him better by now. "In love?" I added.

"More horny," he altered my thoughts a bit. "And you can stop talking now. Your part is done. You got me. So do us all a favor." He turned to Coulson, leaning forward as he launched into his tale. "Anyway, I met a French girl in 1546. Ah, she loved stories. So… I told her a great one, all about the peaceful Asgardian warrior who stayed. Now, how was I to know her brother the priest would write it all down and turn it into, I don't know, a thing?"

"Do you know Thor?" Coulson continued.

"Oh, sure, I spent all my day palling around with the future King of Asgard," he said with clear sarcasm. Seemed like he was his least favorite Avenger too. "No, I don't know Thor. I was a mason. I broke rocks. Mm-hmm." He chuckled to himself, the only one in the room even close to amused right now. "For thousands of years. If you can imagine that."

"I can't," I admitted. Ward looked at me and I just shrugged. "I barely managed… sorting rocks for a day. I'd lose… my mind."

"So I'm sure you can understand then that when they came asking for people to fight that of course I signed up. I think, really, I just wanted to travel." And I found myself understanding and connecting with Professor Randolph just a bit. Maybe we had more in common that I thought.

"But you had the staff," Ward brought up.

"I hated that thing," Randolph sneered. "Other guys loved all the power that comes with rage. No, I didn't like it at all. And you don't either, it seems."

"What did it do to me?"

"It shines light into you dark places. Doesn't matter if you're human, Asgardian. The effect is the same… unpleasant." I could believe that. Ward didn't look happy though- he was starting to get an expression that reminded me of the Ward in the lab. I quickly gave his shoulder a knock with mine, only to see it seemed to irritate him more. My bad. I tried. "It was forged from a rare metal and reacts to whoever is holding it. Or interacts. I went to such great lengths to make sure that the staff wasn't found. Unfortunately, since the myth was written down, people have been searching for it for centuries."

"That's why… we need to find the other piece… before they do. And you need… to help us… do it." He snorted, clearly still not my biggest fan.

"Oh, I am a pacifist now."

I narrowed my eyes. "You're just worried… about yourself. About your secret… identity."

"Listen, I wouldn't worry too much about these angry youths," Randolph tried to wax wisdom. "They always calm down, and eventually, they die of old age. And that is one of the pleasant aspects of life here." He tapped the table for emphasis. "Everything changes." He then glanced at me for just a moment. "Even things that really shouldn't."

Coulson clearly had enough of this. "I'll tell you what's gonna change… you anonymity… unless you help us find the final piece of your staff. You may not know Thor. But I do."

And I do too.

Whoa. Whoa. Where did that come from?

"My first love on this planet was Ireland," Randolph finally gave in. "There was a monastery, and the monks gave me a nice, warm place to sleep, some soup, and some mulled wine."

Coulson nodded. "'Near God.'" With that he started back for the door, it clicking open just as he reached for the handle. I was right behind him with Ward at the tail, scooping up Cheesetauri's ball from where Ward had carelessly left it on the other side of the door. My little guy didn't seem to mind too much though. "We'll set course for Ireland immediately. We need to get to this one first. There is no other option." The two of us nodded. "We'll keep the Professor comfortable in there for now. We'll need him to guide us when we arrive." He turned to the two of us as we entered the living area. "That was great work in there, Crawford. You pushed exactly the right buttons you needed to."

"Thank you sir," I smiled.

"Now take it easy on that voice and in general. I recommend a visit to the lab in your case. Ward, come with me to my office. I wanted to discuss a few things about when we land in terms of strategy." I took that as my okay to go and made for the lab while they branched off towards his office. I did remember my stomach halfway there though and ran back to the lab to make a pair of peanut butter sandwiches.

Fitz was hard at work at his bench when I approached, goggles on and cross-referencing something or other with his computer and very deep in thought. Simmons was looking over imprints on the staff over at her station, probably seeing how much she could decode. I handed him a sandwich and took a large bite of mine. I opened my mouth when he held out another pair which I quickly slipped on.

The second time I opened my mouth a pad and pen were slid in my direction. I blinked at them for a moment before going to comment. He beat me to it without even looking at me. "Ash, you are not going to talk to me this entire flight."

My mind panicked and it must have showed because the second he saw me his hands gripped my arms on either side. "No. No. Not like that. Sorry. I, uh, didn't realize how that would sound and… well… I mean I'm not letting you talk. You've put- well you've put a lot of strain on yourself back there so we are sticking strictly to written communication before you make it worse." I rose an eyebrow. "Yes, I am serious. Don't you Lee me!" With that, he released his grip and took a step back, pointing at the notebook before turning back to his work.

I let out a huff and flipped it open to the first page, quickly scrawling something and tapping him on the shoulder to read it. "'I hate you so much.'" He snorted. "Didn't need that written down to get that, thank you very much." He chuckled to himself so I took the opportunity to underline the 'hate' and 'so' before holding it up again. "It's for your own good! It's not my fault you don't understand the concept of brakes in cars or in life." I stared at him for a tense moment before going to write something. "I know- 'low blow'. Don't need that one written down either. It's clear as crystal." With that, he went back to what he was working on after a bite of his sandwich, lining some components up according to the grid on his computer screen.

I let him go for a minute before writing my next comment. 'But I really need to talk to you about something back there.' He glanced as I held it up before sighing. 'Like Girl Talk.' I added, breaking out our code.

"After Ireland," he vowed, serious now. "I promise." He went back to work. "We need to keep our heads on the mission right now anyway. And as the others pointed out, I tend to get sidetracked very easy when you drag me into something." I gave him a look I knew he read instantly. "What? They were kind of right. I need to let you do your job while I do mine. The science is the most important piece to things. It's about making things to benefit the team… not making magnetic hamster balls." Science. The one thing I could never really share with Fitz because he was so out of my league.

'Got it.' I left on the page before starting for the door, a little downtrodden. I was just reaching it when he glanced over and noticed the pad, quickly turning every which way until he found me. "Hey! I need my personal helper monkey to hold something!" I made my way back over and he put a tool in my outstretched hand. "I think I can have both you and science around at the same time." I went to grab the pad. "And here's where you would tell me that I could because I'm brilliant and awesome and a whole bunch of other adjectives." He scratched his head. "Uh, maybe one day you might convince me yet."

We worked for a bit in silence outside the chewing of our sandwiches as I held whatever he put in my hands in a desperate effort to make me feel useful. And though I saw right through it, I think I was so touched that he was trying I couldn't argue against it at all. It was enough, just being around him, to soothe my mind of all the storm upending it. I made my way over to Jemma to help her out a few times as well, still banned from speaking by Fitz even when definitively on her side of the lab. She had just given me a fond shrug about her best friend's antics. It only took me a few minutes to see she was running all sorts of data on Ward and how the staff was affecting him. Looks like the guy had more than one person concerned about him.

"Well, he did jump out of a plane to save my life," she had voiced about the subject. "What kind of person would I be to not even keep an eye on him when he's going through some major chemical imbalances even as he tries now harder than ever to exert control?" She turned to me. "I don't think he'll hurt you again if it's any consolation," she tried to comfort me. "He seems to have a much larger grasp on controlling his outbursts. Though I recommend you don't push him in your usual abrasive manner. Treat him the same but perhaps… tone it down?" I nodded and she beamed. "Good. Then we can avert one possible avenue of crisis during this trip. I mean we're just dealing with an alien associated with Norse mythology after all."

'Simmons. Calm down.' I wrote. 'You've clearly got the situation handled.' She just wove her hand at that and I made my way back over to the other side of the lab, noticing Fitz seemed a bit pricklier than when I had left. I considered the past few minutes and then realized Simmons had been talking a lot about Ward again. The poor guy thinking he had to compete with that. It wasn't like it even was a competition in my opinion at least. I had to trust Simmons was important to figure that out as well.

But I needed to cheer up my best friend right now, so I proceeded to draw my best caricature of Grant Ward with the biggest scowl I could manage. It managed to make him laugh when I showed it to him at the least. But it also made him pause, the two of us standing for a long moment before he finally said what was on his mind. "Just… stick close when we land okay? Because I'm positive even if I asked nicely you wouldn't stay on the Bus." He took off his protective glasses but was still looking down. "We don't… things could get hairy in the church… with Ward and he could go after you again. I know you think he won't but… the last thing we need is something else happening to you. Because too much has today. And we'd sort of be doomed without you having our backs, so uh you need to stick around."

I was quite touched by the words, but felt a need to write something important to me. 'I can take care of myself. Don't worry, okay? Let's just worry about keeping you safe because you're the important one.'

He shook his head. "Kind of impossible, Ash." He shook his head clear of something and finally looked at me, smiling his usual smile. "I mean, you couldn't even keep all of your teeth intact today. If that doesn't scream extremely accident prone I don't know what does. But, hey, maybe the Tooth Fairy give quarters for pieces of teeth so you'll at least have made some money off this whole venture."

I flipped all the way back to the very first thing I had written about two hours ago, underling 'hate' a second time. He just started laughing at me, the mood back to the light and airy thing it usually is when the two of us were together. Just me and Lee keeping each other sane, sometimes knocking shoulders into one another in the stretches of silence to remind the other we were there.

Skye soon joined us with her laptop, leading to a brutal mocking of my inability to speak on her part that ended with her laughing so hard she almost fell off her stool. Jemma even piped in from across the lab with a well-timed dig that she found extremely clever judging by that smile- the Cheshire Cat one I always called it. Except I couldn't right now and Fitz saying the words even in an impression of me didn't do it justice. And for a while I forgot. I don't know how, but I did. No emotional turmoil to be found.

Even some of the roughest days were made a lot easier by having these guys as my team. At this point, I think I could do this forever as long as I had all of them.

XXX

We landed soon after that, everyone flooding out into the cargo hold as we got ready- Fitz strapping Cheesetauri to my backpack so he could see the final leg of the staff mystery. And to keep me from running into danger stupid enough it could get us both killed. Protect the mouse at all costs.

Skye seemed worried about Ward as I climbed into the Jeep next to her, Fitz right behind me. But from the glimpses I had seen of him, the man had spent our few hours in flight making sure everything was under control enough to continue forward as he was needed. I couldn't explain why, but I still had all my usual faith in Grant Ward. And I usually wouldn't tell him that, but just this once I maybe said as much when I passed him to climb in. Anything it took to anchor him down. We could get back to our usual banter once all this was over… when he was making me all the soup.

Which my throat did feel better after a few hours of not putting it to work, but that was one of those things I couldn't let Fitz get a big head about. We just enjoyed the sights of Ireland and the coast, all three of us pointing here and there even under the cover of darkness as May drove without saying a word. Randolph had opted to take the other car with Coulson and Ward- I couldn't imagine why though.

We arrived at a small cathedral well off the beaten path about an hour later, all of us making our way into the empty and dusty place with Randolph in the lead. "Well, it's been a while," his voice echoed off the rafters as I took the place in. I wonder what religion I was in my old life- what I would have thought of Gods coming down from the sky to become my least favorite Avenger. Maybe my parents had dressed me up every Sunday to bring me to a place like this. Maybe I had come here before I had been plunged into this to help make whatever decision I had. Hell, I wonder what I believed in now. That seemed just as tricky, especially with the feeling I couldn't place when I looked up at the cross above us.

"I wonder…" Randolph pondered, approaching a worn and very old book depicting a man with others gathered about him. "Ah, yes. There it is. Still here. Well, the nose isn't quite right, but-"

"That's you?" Fitz asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. They venerated me a bit as a saint." As if this guy needed any more of an ego at this point.

"They're idiots," a harsh voice cut in. We turned to Ward, looking harshly focused on the whole situation. "Where's the staff?"

"It's upstairs," Randolph answered, leading us down the aisle.

Skye fell in next to me. "Is that the normal Ward or the new, angrier Ward?"

"He had a very… fair point," I made clear. "So I would say… normal." We made our way a few at a time up a set of stone stairs, Randolph going to a box once we reached the landing.

"It's quiet," May noted, clearly on edge. Which meant all of us needed to be too. I looked back over the church for any sign of movement of shadow, but there was none to be seen.

"Why do you think I trusted them with my secret?" Randolph fiddled with the box as I turned back to where the group was facing. "They take a vow of silence."

"But when you get them talking," a completely unfamiliar voice echoed through the place. But before any of us could place it or react a man emerged from the hallway next to Randolph, what had to be the third piece of the staff clenched firmly in his hand. "They squeal."

With a grunt, he buried the staff into Randolph's chest. And to keep myself from looking at the blood as he collapsed, I turned to the man. It took me only a moment to recognize Jakob Nystrom from his photo on the Bus. And it took a moment longer to recognize that gleam in his eye as the one Ward had when he was towering over me, hand around my throat. I took a step back, hand wrapping around Skye's wrist to keep from shaking.

Ward had stepped forward in the tense moment that followed Jakob standing over Randolph's body. The blonde had said something, but I missed it. And then I realized what Ward was about to do. "No" I shouted, or tried shouting- it just was a croak, running forward only to have a combined effort of Fitz and Simmons keep me at by as Ward gripped the staff piece and it lit up just as before.

Then the man who had been working so hard let out the most angry scream I think he could muster before charging at his opponent with more ferocity and strength than thought possible of a human. It was the best we could all do to move out of their way, knowing none of us stood a chance to this. I tripped on a floorboard and fell backwards onto my butt as we moved in a fit of grace, watching through everyone's legs as Ward and Jakob were sent tumbling over the bannister and into the church with a gasp.

And just like that everyone was in motion. Simmons made her way over to Randolph to start pushing on his chest, who I still couldn't stomach the thought of looking over at, with Fitz at her side kneeling next to her. May, Skye, and Coulson all ran to the balcony as sounds of grunts and things being broken sounded from below.

"We need to help him!" Skye shouted, taking off down the stairs before anyone could stop her.

"I'll get her," May told Coulson before following.

I needed to pull it together and freaking do something. I couldn't just sit here, I needed to help out any way I could. I looked between my two options and remembered what Fitz had asked of me. I was just going to end up killed down there. I managed to get my head on straight, gently shook my backpack off to the floor so Cheesetauri was alright, and made my way over to opposite Simmons and Fitz around Randolph, doing my very best not to look at the body as she pumped furiously up and down. Otherwise, I think I would throw up. And that was not the something I wanted to do.

"How is he?" Coulson asked from where he towered over us.

"I don't know what to do," Simmons spoke frantically, stopping her compressions and resting her bloody hands way too close for my fancy. I just tried to look up at her face, looking calm. The both of them were spinning their wheel trying to think of something fast. "He's not human."

Coulson knelt next to me. "He's dying."

"Yeah," Fitz stepped in to defend Jemma as always. "We know, but she doesn't understand his anatomy." I must have looked and sounded ready to pass out, because Coulson was distracted for a moment looking at me in worry. But Fitz focused his eyes on mine as we anchored one another, breathing desperately trying to get under control. "And if we did, we don't have anything to shock him if his heart stopped or stop the bleeding-"

Shock him. We needed to shock- Oh God. I had an idea.

And that's how I found my hand diving through the hole the staff had made like a kneejerk reaction. I didn't think about it. I didn't question it. I just did it. I did my something and the second I realized what I had done, I really regretted it.

"What in God's name?" "Oh, my God." Fitz-Simmons reacted with pure shock as I looked skyward, trying not to think about all the things I could feel right now. My skin was crawling and things were squishing. God, I might actually pass out now. I heard the vague noises of a fight below us, but that wasn't the fight I had picked unfortunately. I had picked to save Asshole Professor, by sticking my hand in his chest. Oh God. I swear I was getting tunnel vision. Everything was fading.

No. No. You started this. You finish it. I looked back at Fitz-Simmons, taking a deep breath. "You heard… what he said about me. What he feels just looking… and hearing me. I touch his heart… I give him the shock of his life."

Fitz was literally cringing while Simmons looked quite put out herself, though she recovered faster. "I'm not sure-"

"We don't have time. My hand's… already in here. Just tell me… what to do." I flexed my hand from its tight fist a little, trying to ignore everything it could possibly be touching. "I'm… afraid anatomy's… not really up there."

"Okay," Simmons buckled down for my sake, wrapping her hand around my arm. "We need to find the heart and make sure it isn't stopped or bleeding." She started to guide the angle of my arm, regretfully pushing me in a little deeper. "You'll know it when you find it. Trust me."

Fitz was still reeling a bit, the sounds a screaming battle downstairs probably wasn't helping. "We don't- even know if this- we need a better plan than use Ash as a human AED."

"Asgradians regenerate faster than we do," Coulson finally spoke up. "Maybe whatever she does can keep him alive long enough-"

"For the body to heal itself," Fitz realized. Just then, I felt my fingers brush the most solid thing I had felt since getting in there and Simmons had to keep me from jerking my hand back. Everyone was looking at me now, counting on me to do this. And, somehow, completely having faith that I would.

"I think I found it," I croaked. Just then, a body hit the bannister with a huge thud and I let out a cry of alarm, ducking my head down.

"Ashleigh Crawford, you look at me," a voice commanded. I looked up to Simmons who had her most serious face on. "I know it has been a bloody long and difficult day for you. And I know Professor Randolph has been nothing but extremely cruel and dismissive to you. But you are literally the only one who can save his life now. You can handle this. You've handled worse." It was incredibly sobering, like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on my brain and stopped everything. She could tell. "Now you grab his heart and clamp down hard. You need to slow the bleeding if there's a tear or rupture."

I nodded, moving my hand directly over the heart and grasping it as hard as I could. There was no noise but I swear the one in my head was so graphic I almost threw up. Another hand covered my free one, providing silent support.

The effect was immediate. Randolph apparently wanted none of this, even with his heart stopped. He started to basically seizure there on the floor, desperately trying to lose my hand. "Hold on!" Simmons ordered as the others moved back a bit for space. I did as commanded, following whichever way his heart jerked as he moved with an iron grip. Though now my hand was stretching so far it was physically paining me from the angle, but I gritted through it.

"It's working," Coulson guessed, relief laced in his voice. Randolph was getting more violent now as I felt his heart starting to beat a bit, and I had just about had enough. With one swift motion, I swung my leg over him so I was perched directly above him and riding every shock and jerk of his body.

"You're not… dying on me, Professor Asshole," I made clear. "You hear me. So stop… being a drama queen… and freaking live already." And then I felt the heart pick up enough rhythm that it was now basically hammering in time with mine.

Professor Randolph then let out a gasp and his eyes shot open. My hand let go of his heart, honestly cramping at this point. The first thing he got sight of was a in my opinion beautiful blonde hovering over him and he smiled. "Well, this clearly must be heaven." But then his eyes focused and he seemed to register who the blonde was, which quite changed things. Then he seemed to realize where my hand was.

Hence he gave me a fierce shove, pulling my arm out from inside me and sending me flying into the railing. I hit the wooden floor before that thankfully, meaning I didn't break my back against the stone as I rolled into a stop. "I'm okay," I made clear to everyone. It gave me a view of the ground below, where Skye was clutching an exhausted Ward and May gently set the full staff on the floor. That was my badass teacher ladies and gentlemen.

I still had some adrenaline so I was quick to shoot up to my knees, watching with slight disgust as Randolph was already back to his old ways ogling Simmons. "You are easily the most beautiful thing I've seen in a thousand years." I let out a groan and put my head in my hands, only to realize one was still very bloody and pull it away with a cry of alarm.

Coulson was already pulling away from the group of us, trying to get in contact with some other S.H.I.E.L.D. forces for assistance. It sounded like everything had ended down below with our team coming out the winning side thankfully. You could see dawn approaching through the windows of the chapel, a new day finally getting underway. Hopefully this one would have things going a bit smoother with a hundred percent less chipped teeth.

Randolph was soon on his feet with Simmons help, while Fitz made his way over to me. I was coming down from the adrenaline and found myself barely able to stand. He extended a hand with a smile and I reached mine out, only for him to pull away as I realized it was the bloody one. I flashed a sorry grin and the both of us switched as he hauled me off the ground to my shaking feet.

"You are just a mess right now, Ash," he shook his head fondly. "I guess we're lucky that none of it's yours today." I managed to get my feet under me as he guided me by the shoulder to the hallway we had been ambushed from.

"Well… you try sticking your hand… in someone's chest… and we'll see how good… you look," I argued with him. I glanced down at my blood covered hand, frowning as I realized it pretty much had stained my sweater close to my elbow. Well, that wasn't coming out in the wash. "Randolph so… owes me a new… sweater."

Fitz brought to a stop in front of a running fountain. "We'll make sure he pays up… or at the very least thanks you for bloody saving his life." He gestured for the fountain and I just rose an eyebrow at him. "I'm sure whatever powers that be will understand the need to not scare your friends to death when you approach them covered with blood. I mean, I'm having a difficult time just looking at you, let alone standing next to you."

I stuck my arm in, using my other hand to desperately scrub at the water turned a murky shade of pink. I felt a rip and looked to see Fitz had ripped off a piece at the bottom of my sweater. He ignored my death glare as he put it in the water as well. "It's ruined anyway. Now, uh, just keep looking at me. Hold still." I stared at him curiously as he pulled the sweater out and then gently took to wiping off the blood I carelessly had gotten on my face. And my heart did this…flip thing it never had before as he did, the two of close together. God, I'd better not get sick now.

"There. That'll have to do for the hero of the day." He left the piece of sweater in the water and used his own sleeve to dry my face with a few gentle lines down it. We both then just stood there for a moment, staring at one another, before he started walking past me back the way we had come from- but not before grabbing my dry hand in his and pulling me along. He grabbed my backpack as we went, Cheesetauri letting out a happy squeak I think at the sight of me. At least, I liked to imagine that.

We climbed down the stairs to see Agents had arrived and were moving bodies out of the building in their efficient manner. I barely had time to glance around when I was nearly tackled to the ground in a hug. "Simmons told me what you did," Skye told me breathlessly as she pulled back. "You seriously just shoved your hand inside?" I nodded, the both of us laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it. "You… are badass." Simmons had joined us now, and I pulled her in for a hug as well.

"You were fantastic, Ashleigh," Jemma said proudly. "You acted when I froze. I had no clue what to do and you just-"

"You were there… with me… every step of the way," I reminded her. "I was frozen… too. And you got me through… that. So thank you." She took my hand in her, squeezing it fondly.

"You both did amazing," Fitz made clear. Skye nodded. He went to say something else when Simmons's phone started ringing. She pulled it out and the look on her face made it instantly clear who it was. I squeezed her hand now to get her attention.

"Jemma… I trusted you." I nodded towards the phone. "Now please… trust me." She took a small moment before pulling away from all of us, hitting a button and moving the phone to her ear.

"Hi, Dad," she began, and my attention drifted from her to where Ward and May were sitting together, both of them looking exhausted.

"Is Ward okay?" I asked Skye. She shrugged.

"We'll see. Hopefully now that all of this is over things will go back to normal with him." With that, all of our attention turned to the staff laying on the ground, Coulson and Randolph hovering over it. And as I stared something came to me.

"I could touch it," I said quietly, though they both heard it. "I know I said… I didn't want… them back but… this would be so easy. I might… have all the answers." Answers to questions that were now literally burning through me.

Skye shook her head, beating Fitz to commenting. "That's not the way to do this and you know it. I couldn't stand to see you go through what Ward did for some lousy memories. You've been doing the right thing, Ashleigh, even if it's hard. You can't stop now." Fitz nodded in agreement.

I nodded, idea instantly fading from mind at her words. She was right. This wasn't the way to do it. I noticed Randolph then drift off on his own and decided what my other option would be. I turned to the two of them with a smile.

"I'm going to go… get my thank you." They both smirked and nodded, letting me make my way across the church to the pew Randolph was now perched on.

"Listen, I have no intention of thanking you for defiling my body-"

"I think… I'm from the future," I just went for, earning his instant attention. He wasn't quite looking at me, but it was close enough we could both pretend he was. "I don't… remember anything. But what you said… someone once told me… they thought that. And now I… think it might be… true." My eyes glanced down at my tattoo, focusing on it as he stared at me for a long moment. "You said time. I'm in the wrong one… because I'm from there."

"Well, I could've told you that the moment I met you," he actually answered, giving me the most concrete answer I hadn't been expecting. "That's why everything you do throws the world off in a way it wasn't meant to be. Like saving my life. Now every time I look down I'm going to think about how I was saved in a way I shouldn't have been and shudder. Maybe I was meant to meet my maker there. Maybe someone else saved me. The course has been changed by something that shouldn't have been and my body knows it."

"Next time I won't… bother."

"I hope so," he took me up on my bluff. "Yes, Agent Crawford, I think you have indeed come to this team from a time outside your own. But when I look at you." And he surprisingly did now. "I get the feeling that is just scratching the surface of everything there is to you. You're going to keep things interesting for a very long time."

I whispered the next line, almost afraid to say it out loud. "I'm not… like you, right?"

He laughed at this, big and loud. "No. Definitely not. You are human… or close to human at least." With that, he rose. "I'm afraid I can't stand to be around you any longer."

"It's the chipped tooth… isn't it?" I couldn't help but say to him.

He started to walk away without answering, not even dignifying my quip with a response. "Stay out of everything, okay?"

"I asked… because I've met Thor," I added, admitting what I had been holding all day and making him stop. "I've fought… alongside him. Or I will… but to me I have. It's all very… confusing." He was looking at me curiously now. "But when I look at him… I remember him. I was there and… so was he… though I'm not sure… where there is exactly."

He stared me a long moment as I fidgeted, completely terrified of what my revelation could mean. And I think he saw that, but for once decided not to be as asshole about it. "It looks like there is much more that even I was suspecting." He looked down before glancing back up again. "I hope… I hope you find the answers you're looking for. You deserve to with how disgustingly brave you are."

"Thank you."

And then his back was to me again- moment gone. "I hope to see you never, Agent Crawford."

I used the last of my voice to shout the last words. "That's be… too soon!"

With that, I allowed myself to be led back to the Jeep, shaking unconsciously as we began the drive to a hotel to get some much needed rest. S.H.I.E.L.D. had decided to treat us for securing such a huge artifact it seemed. Everyone seemed to take it as exhaustion and didn't say a word, Fitz offering his shoulder as we passed the now sparkling Irish landscape.

But I wasn't tired. So I pulled the pen and paper from my backpack with a smile at Cheesetauri and scribbled something down to show my best friend, needing to get the words out before I came even close to settling down.

'I'm from the future.'

He stared at it, before gently taking the pen from my hands and adding something below it.

'I know.' I looked at him so he added more. 'I figured it out after what Randolph said.' Of course. He was brilliant after all. And if he had known that long… he wasn't treating me any differently because of it. But I needed to get the biggest thing off my chest, taking then pen again.

'I'm scared.'

'It's going to be okay. We'll figure this out.' And then he underlined 'we'll' for emphasis. It was enough for the moment as I put my head back on his shoulder, just watching everything go by in a peaceful silence.

XXX

I was dozing off in my hotel bed, Cheesetauri on the dresser next to me, when there was the knock on my door. I took a deep breath and forced myself up, wondering who it could be. Fitz had gone to bed, so had Simmons, and Coulson had retired after a short compliment about how hard it was going to be keeping my name off this report with everything I'd done. That left May, Skye, and-

I was greeted by a very sheepish Ward, looking down at the floor. "Crawford."

"Ward."

"I came…" His eyes glanced at my neck, and having finally looked in a mirror I knew how awful and purple it looked right now. "I came to apologize to you… for everything. I already talked to Skye and-"

And surprisingly, I didn't need this. My anger at Ward seemed like years ago. I no longer needed groveling or speeches. After everything I'd seen him go through today for us, I felt like we were fine. So I crossed my arms and decided to return things back to normal. "Thank you. Actually… it's Cheesetauri you own… an apology too."

"Excuse me," he asked in surprise. I gestured to my nightstand. "The rat?"

"Mouse," I corrected. "And you did… slap him to the ground." He rose an eyebrow. "It really… hurt his feelings."

He took is surprisingly in stride, making his way into my room and over to the nightstand with crossed arms. I followed, watching with glee as he stared down at my pal. "I'm sorry, mouse."

"Use his name… and with sincerity please."

He sighed, but played along. "I'm very sorry for hurting you, Cheesetauri." And just like that, I was laughing. "I'm glad you found that amusing. Now, does he forgive me or-"

"He forgives you," I made clear, smiling wide as he turned to me. I covered his hand with mine. "He's also… very proud of you. You did exactly… your job today. So… thank you… for keeping us safe. Thank you… for facing all that… for us."

And just like that Ward was leaning in. But I managed to catch it quick enough to fall back on the bed to avoid him, rolling to the other side. "What…what was that?" I sputtered.

He shrugged. "I just thought we could-"

My brain was spinning in circles. "No. No we cannot."

"Come on. Take our minds off things like last time."

My heart clenched at the very thought for some reason is a very uncomfortable manner. "You're not… using me like that, okay?"

"Like you used me last time?"

"That was a… mistake. And it isn't… happening again." I stood a little taller now. "I don't want to just… sleep with someone. If I did… I'd want it to be real," I admitted.

"Real?" he asked, making his way around the bed to my side. I held my ground, trying to find the words I was looking for.

"Like with feelings," was what I came up with. "Real feelings." Like Skye has for you I added in my head, needing to keep that in mind as I handled this. I would not betray my friend like this. He seemed to think on this for a moment before shrugging.

"I can do feelings." He leaned in again, but I held him back. "I mean the two of us seem to have something. You kept me calmer than anyone else today if I'm being honest. You just keep me happier in general actually. I could try- I'd be willing-"

This wasn't happening. I needed to stop this now before this got to a place we couldn't come back from. "No. Not… it just… it's… it has to be…"

And then it was like something dawned on him and he took a huge step back. "It has to be Fitz."

"Huh?" Well, that was a turn I didn't see coming. "I don't… maybe..."

I was struggling, but he seemed to have found his answer. "You know what, you were right. This… I just fixed things and now I nearly wrecked them again. I'm sorry, Crawford." He started towards the door. My brain was just struggling now. It was too much. It was all too much. "Let's just go back to normal. I'll see you in the morning and you can give me a hard time about how much I owe you for the bruises." He opened the door and stepped through it. "Goodnight, Ashleigh."

I had nothing to say. So I just went with the obvious. "Goodnight, Ward."

The moment he was gone I fell back on my bed, mind in turmoil about what had just happened. And I decided the best way to solve all this was to finally put the day behind me and start tomorrow fresh. So I curled up in bed and drifted off to sleep, but not before realizing how much better it would be if Fitz was right here next to me.

I was in trouble.

Skye was never going to let me forget it, was she?

I was in super trouble.

XXX

 _Here we are everyone. I just have to thank you all again. The amount of reviews I received on the last chapter was astounding to me, and I promise I read each and every one more than once. Thank you for your thoughts and your love. It just drives me to make each chapter even better for you guys. There's a lot of exciting stuff coming as we make our way to the midseason finale (and how about this one Tuesday. Holy cow!)_

 _Thanks to all those who have followed this story: Madalayna, , AlwayNorthman, OfficialLostGirl, Blood Alchemist23, FutureOlympian, AureliaPhoenixAnastasia, and Desert Vulpes Zerda. It means the world you choose to keep tuning in._

 _Thank to those who have favorited for doing me such a great honor: LeopardFeather._

 _And thank you to my fabulous reviewers for your kind words that mean more to me than you can imagine: eckles, Guest, FutureOlympian, VioletKane, AthenaB, MulishaMaiden, OfficialLostGirl, Guest, stromrunner74, romanogersfeels, GiraffePanda2, XxAmyTheGreatxX, NessieBooEvans, LeopardFeather, Connie Weasley, and MiaR._

 _Thank you all and I will see you soon as we make some Repairs._


	19. Beyond Explaining

_Beyond Explaining_

The first thing my senses registered was a very horrific assault to the ears in the form of pounding on a door. "Ashleigh Crawford! It is two in the afternoon and though you needed rest this is getting ridiculous!" I let out a groan, having been ripped from unconsciousness as the pounding continued without any sign of slowing. I sat up slowly, pushing the hair cascading around my head messily behind it with one hand while wiping the sleep with another. "Ashleigh!"

"I'm coming!" my voice hopelessly squeaked, clearly better but nowhere near one hundred percent in volume. God, I sounded like a mouse. Naturally, the person on the other side of the door didn't hear it over her incessant pounding so I was forced to rise and make my way to throw the door open with a glare. "I said I heard you."

I was met by the sight of Skye, naturally. Leave it to her to have no respect for someone's sleeping habits. She didn't seem intimidated by my look at all though, wincing more in sympathy than anything. "Nice pajamas." I glanced down, remembering I hadn't even changed after Ward left and instead sporting a blood-stained sweater and a pair of jeans to Dreamland.

She stared at me a moment, eyes hovering on the neck. "Not going to lie, you look pretty rough right now." I turned slightly so I could glance my reflection in the bathroom mirror, the yellow and purple splotches around my neck being enough to prove her unbelievably right without even glancing at the hair.

I turned back to her, eyebrow raised as I became slightly more alert. "So what brings you pounding on my door?" She snorted at the squeak, but thankfully didn't say anything.

"We've been waiting for you to get up so we could go grab lunch downstairs. Fitz-Simmons insisted we let you be, but I was starting to become convinced that if I didn't come now we might all starve to death." She rolled her eyes fondly. "No offense, Ashleigh, but between the virus and everything you've been through I feel like you've spent most of your life unconscious."

"That's because I get knocked around quite a bit when I'm awake unfortunately," I yawned, needing caffeine in my veins. Skye just looked at me, not really having any room to argue with that. Though I suppose I wasn't going through much the other members of my team weren't. "Give me five minutes to change and I'll meet all of you downstairs." She nodded and I shut the door, going to my backpack to rummage for some new clothes.

I pulled out a brown sweater, shedding the one I was currently wearing into the trash with a frown. There went my favorite sweater. I didn't dwell for too long though, throwing my hair up in a ponytail to try and pretend I had tamed it in some fashion. Then I pulled out the scarf Simmons had been kind enough to lend me and threw it around my neck with no regard for fashion or any real clue what I was doing. I just wanted to make sure it covered the whole situation up. I glanced at the mirror with a frown. It would have to do until I showered. I then threw on my shoes and grabbed Cheesetauri, planning on grabbing some lettuce for him to munch on.

I tripped over Fitz- who had perched himself on the floor leaning against my door- as I threw the door open and rushed out, crashing to the carpet. "Oh… oh no. Cheesetauri… he's okay. I've got him Ash. Ash? Ash, I'm sorry. Uh, I didn't mean to- are you alright?"

I rolled onto my back with a groan to see he was now on his feet, towering over me with worry. "You're lucky you didn't break anything." With that I extended my hand and bounced to my feet as he gave a tug, nearly crashing right into him once again and only halting my momentum by putting my other hand on his chest.

What would normally happen from here is I would give him a solid punch to the chest with a snarky comment about not wanting him to starve before strolling arm-in-arm with my best friend to join the others. It was textbook at this point for the great Ash and Lee.

But for some reason, that didn't happen this time. Instead, I became aware of how close we were and took a giant step back so my hand fell through the air to my side awkwardly. And for some blasted reason I couldn't control, my cheeks started to heat up just a bit as I recalled the direction my thoughts had turned in last night. And how I had tried to talk myself out of it by reminding myself of his flaws- like his bravery, loyalty, and just how brilliant he was. About how he was willing to do anything for someone he cared about and all the other qualities made Fitz the greatest guy I knew.

Needless to say, talking myself out of it hadn't really worked. I looked up to see he was staring at me like he feared I had somehow hit my head and lost my marbles all over again. I smiled, trying to play it off with a friendly punch to the arm and forcing myself to pull my eyes away from staring into his. "Didn't want to send you toppling to the ground. Because I'm polite."

"It was an accident!" I grabbed Cheesetauri from him and started down the hallway with him instantly falling into step beside me. "I just figured I would wait for you since you probably don't even know the way."

"And I appreciate that. But next time… lean against the door across from mine so we make sure I don't break my nose too."

He let out a laugh, giving himself up. "I might have, uh, gotten a bit disoriented as to which room was yours and thought that was what I was doing." I just shook my head as we reached the elevator, allowing him to slap the button. His voice got lower even though no one else was on this floor I was pretty sure. "I also just wanted to see how you were handling… uh… the thing." I just tried to think of which of the many he was referring to when he started humming the _Back to the Future_ theme.

"Yes, that. I chose not to think about it at all last night." I didn't add that it was because I was thinking about him but I thought that for sure. Focus, Ashleigh. Focus. "I mean; I don't remember any of it of course. And it makes sense. Unfortunately, it also makes Sitwell right."

I paused before speaking again. "But yet at the same time it doesn't really answer any of the thousands of other questions that come up because of it. So, I almost feel like nothing has really changed. I should be freaking out, but I'm not… at all." I shrugged. "Maybe… maybe it just hasn't sucker punched me in the face yet. Then I'll freak out properly." I didn't mention the permanent pit that seemed to have settled in my stomach, the only sign the news had processed at all. It wasn't sitting well with all of me it seemed.

I didn't realize he had pulled me in for a hug until I was crushed against him. "And I'll be there when it does. I promise." I relaxed against him, letting my internal jittering slow to just enjoy the moment. "It doesn't change a single thing about you." The elevator doors opened and we pulled apart to step in, riding in a comfortable silence to the bottom floor. I tried to keep my cool, but it was becoming abundantly clear a switch had flipped that I couldn't quite flip back. And I completely blamed Skye for all of it. She and I would be having words.

He led me into a small hotel dining area when the doors open with a buffet against the wall and the smell made my stomach remind me how long it had been since I had actually eaten. The two of us piling up our plates with all the delicacies that weren't enjoyed on the Bus- like cheeseburgers and chicken tenders and all the fries and pizza and a piece of apple pie because of course you need dessert and an apple you're going to eat but feel obligated to grab. I deserved to treat myself after my last couple of days. Don't worry ice cream machine, I was coming back for you.

There were only a few people milling around so I quickly spotted the table occupied by Skye, Ward, and Simmons. May and Coulson must be off de-briefing the mission somewhere. I slid in next to Skye with Fitz coming between Simmons and Ward across from me, noting it looked like they all had mostly finished in the time it took myself to get down here. So I wasted no time in digging right in with a vengeance- only coming up for air a minute later to find I was the topic of conversation.

"I think she might actually do it," Simmons commented to Ward.

He scoffed. "Simmons, it is physically impossible."

"You weren't there for the time with the cake."

Skye nodded. "That was scary."

"Are you guys good?" I spoke with my mouth full, making everyone cringe at how unladylike I was being. I swallowed before speaking again. "Because I can go right back upstairs and eat there. And then I can go back to bed. It would be living the dream really."

"You could do that with your one day off with no clue when we may get another one," Skye smiled, "or you could hang out with your friends on your day off because Fitz has offered to buy whatever movies we want." He was shaking his head so she pointed at him. "You promised and you know it. So I vote movie marathon and continue your education in classic cinema."

I was about to speak up when there was a tapping on my shoulder. I turned to see there was a kind looking older woman who had been sitting a few tables over. I smiled in greeting and was surprised when she pulled my hand up in front of me.

"I just wanted to say how brave you are," she spoke quietly with a smile that said she thought we were in on some secret together. I wish I knew what it was, because I didn't have the foggiest notion. She put her hand over mine and something fell into my palm. "You deserve better and now you have a chance. I wish you the best of luck, dear." And with that, she rejoined her husband and exited the room with a last little smile back at me.

I looked down to see I was now clutching a twenty-dollar bill to my utter bafflement. I wheeled back around to show everyone else, only to be met by a cluck from Simmons as she rose. "Stand up." I did as she said, holding still as she adjusted the scarf around my neck with a fond smile. "Your bruises are sticking out a bit. That and your nose is a little swollen right now."

"I tripped over Fitz out the door. I wasn't punched in the face or- "Oh. Oh! It clicked together like a giant puzzle. Disheveled, apparently starving young girl in clothes she's been wearing a few days walking around a hotel with bruises on her neck and a messed-up nose with her pet mouse… certainly lends itself to a certain category of person. Simmons pulled away, satisfied. "I should give this back to her. Tell he I'm just extremely accident prone."

"It's best you don't draw attention to yourself anymore," Ward shook his head. "Plus, I'm not quite sure she'll believe you." I nodded, sitting back down and returning to my food- leaving the money sitting on the table awkwardly. "Just goes to show how much you look like crap."

"Yeah, well I look how you probably feel on the inside," I stuck my tongue out at him. Ward and I fell back into our respective roles easily, making me think my assessment last night had been true. He had been high on whatever that staff had done to him to the point it took a hammer to the common sense part of his brain. He didn't want to be with me- he just wanted to be distracted from how messed up his head was now. Release some of that rage in a very different manner. I mentally patted myself on the back for my ability to act like an adult in a rough situation. "How are you feeling today, Ward?"

"Better," he shrugged. He looked like he hadn't slept much, dark circles under his eyes. I felt bad for him in that moment, thinking how I was pretty much out when I hit the pillow. But he did honestly seem better than yesterday and I'm sure a day off would do him some good. "Thanks-thanks for your help last night… forcing me to get my head on straight as only you could. You're… you're something." His tone was low despite the entire table hearing what he had said.

Nope. No. We weren't doing this. He wasn't being coy or making this into some fun little thing. Yesterday wasn't cute. It wasn't something to joke and whisper about like it was some kind of inside joke. I was willing to put up with a lot from Ward, but he was not turning this into some smiling secret between us. "Well, if you ever need me to shoot down the two of us having sex the same day you attempted to choke me to death you know where to find me," I said with a completely straight face.

The impact was instant. Fitz seemed to be choking and Simmons was slapping him on the back, Skye's eyes were now the size of her face, and Ward went white as a sheet- eyes narrowing in a way that might be dangerous to anyone but myself. Because I wasn't afraid of Grant Ward. "Crawford, what the hell?!"

I rose, shrugging. Maybe I would realize I was acting without thinking right now, but right now I felt pretty satisfied with what was happening. "I don't do the secret thing anymore. It's exhausting. We both know it was the staff and nothing happened anyway." I feel like this was directed at Skye more than anyone. "I'm getting some ice cream."

I went back over by the food, already starting to regret what had happened. There were literally thousands of ways I could have done that better. Millions possibly. I sighed, grabbing a bowl and staring at all my options overwhelmed. With my strict diet on the bus, I didn't recognize what half of these things were. And if I did I sure couldn't remember what they tasted like. "I'd recommend the gummi bears, Ash. They've, uh, always been a favorite of mine." Fitz came up next to me, grabbing a bowl of his own. I nodded, scooping some of them into the bowl. I could tell what he was waiting for and decided not to drag it out. It was practically impossible with him.

"I just… with you guys I sometimes forget all the things I don't have in my head," I tried to say lightly. "Like things to put on ice cream apparently. It's a good thing I'm on the Bus nearly all the time or I wouldn't make it." I pulled the lever on the machine for vanilla, drowning the bears. I turned to face him, heart skipping a beat at his concerned look. But I forced a smile to my face. "Nothing happened. It's fine."

"I'm not- that's not what's important. I don't care if anything happened." That was a lie from the unconscious twitch of his face, but I let it go. "What's important is that I, as your designated Girl Talk, companion, want to make sure that you're okay. Because that back there… was something I'm not sure how to describe. And I know how rough yesterday was for you and now you had that on top of everything else." He waited a beat before continuing. "I think you just got sucker punched. So… are you okay, Ash? And I'm not going to be tricked if you lie to me."

I wasn't, but not because any of the reasons he probably thought. The sucker punch was of a much more different nature. Because when Ward had asked me if I wanted a relationship with Fitz I had been reeling at the thought of maybe. And now watching my best friend grab two spoons and seem focused solely on my wellbeing, I had a much stronger answer. Of course I did, because I had feelings for him that I couldn't ignore anymore. He made me feel safe and secure in a way not even Coulson could. But there was no way I could tell him that.

"I'm not," I admitted, taking the spoon he offered to me. "It's crazy upstairs- a complete free-for-all really. But I'm going to be," I uttered with confidence. "I have to be. I will be. I just need a few days." He nodded, hand going to my back, accepting this as we walked back to the table still devastated by the wake of my little bomb. He gave me a little shove back towards my spot and took his own, the two of us eating in silence among them.

"Ashleigh…," Ward began, but my look cut him off. He still kept plowing forward. "You deserved a lot better than how I treated you last night. You're right, I was letting what happened drive me and didn't even consider what I had just… that wasn't me. I have nothing but respect for you. So I'm sorry." I just nodded, wanting to move past this as quickly as possible. "I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"You'd better," I nodded, letting him off the hook as I took a bite. Okay, gummi bears were solidly in the good category.

Things settled a bit for the rest of the day- returned to a shaky sense of normalcy. The topic wasn't brought up again. Skye and Ward went to the gym to train while I joined Fitz-Simmons in Fitz's room to watch movies they had on the television. There weren't many good options and I'm pretty sure I slept through like two of them, but it was nice to just spend time together without any sort of ticking clock or mission hanging over our heads.

We didn't talk much, which seemed fine by everyone. Skye was clearly upset with Ward, and I felt kind of bad for putting him in the doghouse like that. But I was more often than not getting distracted by Fitz and his attempts to cheer me up and keep things from weighing too heavily. And it seemed to be catching Simmons's interest from the way she kept glancing over at the two of us perched against the headboard of the bed. I took the hint, taking a break to hop in the shower and actually put on some clean clothes, grateful to finally have Randolph's blood out of every pore in my body. I came back to find the two of them chattering away, and what normally would have put a smile on my face actually kind of put an unwelcome stab of ice in my heart. I didn't want to feel it, but it was there. Cold reality and a much needed reminder of how delusional I was being with my mental ramblings. Nothing was going to happen, and the sooner I accepted it the better off I would be. So I sat on the arm of the chair next to Skye, stealing her bowl of popcorn for my famished self.

Something did weigh on me though, and so after dinner I managed to round up everyone along with Coulson and May in Coulson's elaborate suite. Apparently being our leader meant you got all the nice perks of the job. "I promised myself that I wouldn't keep any more secrets from all of you. I may be a spy on paper, but I do not want to hide things from the only people in my life I can trust and count on. You deserve to know. And I know I said I wanted to let the past thing drop, but that just got a little harder recently. So, I wanted to talk to all of you about something Sitwell said- something I didn't tell you because it seemed… impossible really." I scratched my head. "Or at least yesterday I did."

They were all looking at me plainly, schooling their features for the news I was about to give them. Fitz gave me a silent thumbs up as I took a deep breath. We had talked about it briefly on the way to dinner, and he was nothing but supportive of my desire to get everything out in the open. Secrets had become this very toxic substance to me and I had no intention of having any. Not if I could help it. Fitz had agreed, mentioning how this could possibly lead to a breakthrough for Simmons with my blood or provide May with something that would trigger a thought from Fury. Together we might be able to solve this thing whereas alone I would just be suffocating again with something I hid. So here I was with my best friend offering nothing but positivity.

"Sitwell suspected the reason I was able to enter the office and have this really weird thing going on with my blood is because of how advanced the technology is," I began, desperately hoping none of them would cry witchcraft or something of the ilk. Or think I was crazy. "So advanced that no one they were aware of was capable of creating that. I know you all knew that. But… the conclusion it led him to ultimately was that the reason the tech was so advanced was because it came… it came from the future." Everyone remained blank, processing. The silence was unbearable to me though. "That the reason I'm nowhere to be found is because I'm from the future."

It was a beat before Simmons spoke first. "Well, that's just impossible." No one said anything. "I mean, the scientific ramifications alone of someone entering a time in place they didn't originate from and altering events… we'd be lucky the universe is still standing."

"We just saved the life of an Asgardian who had possession of a Berserker staff that turned everyone into the Hulk," Skye reminded her, clearly having my back as I expected her to. "We deal in the impossible every day."

"Well, this isn't just impossible. It's improbable. One cannot travel through time and expect the world around them to remain intact. Especially us in the epicenter of her."

Skye wasn't ready to give in though. "Again... element that flips gravity of a building, man who can set himself on fire, a disease from an alien species that shocks your brain, and do I need to keep going with New York in and of itself." Simmons let out a huff.

"You don't understand. Those events are probable. Are they extraordinary and sometimes elude explanation- yes? But there is one- scientific fact that we may not understand but is clearly present. Like the staff and how it affected Ward's behavior chemically. But time travel... there is none."

Skye leaned forward in her chair. "Well... maybe in the future it is."

Simmons turned to Fitz, clearly waiting for him to throw in a word of support. When he didn't she put a hand to her head. "You're seriously considering this? Despite what it would mean for all of us? Fitz-"

"That's enough," May cut everyone off sternly, folding her arms. "We're merely going in circles at the moment with this conversation and wasting everyone's time."

"How about we let Crawford expand upon her thoughts?" Coulson cut in. "She clearly has a reason for changing her mode of thinking and mentioning this to us now." He turned back to me, nodding imperceptibly for me to continue.

"So, I thought the same thing. Completely insane. Didn't even bother mentioning it." I was speeding up to the point I seemed to be rambling a bit, so I tried to tighten the pace of my words. It was fine. This was my team. They had put up with a lot of crazy from me already, so they could handle a bit more. "But then Randolph said something in Interrogation- that the reason I bothered him so much was because I was wrong. I was a mistake. That I shouldn't be here because- "

"Because you were in the wrong time," Ward couldn't help but finish. He folded his arms, deep in thought. "I thought it was all just bluster."

"So did I at first," I admitted. "But it became a little hard to ignore in my head. So I asked him… after I saved his life and he was still and ass. And his answer is I basically have a giant sign on my forehead saying that I'm out of my time. To him it's pretty obvious… and then it just… it started to feel right to me too."

"Did you remember something?" May inquired, face still as blank as could be. I was trying to avoid looking at her really, else I lose practically all my nerve. May wasn't going to agree on flights of fancy as Coulson might. She was going to need cold hard facts like Simmons and be much more intense about acquiring them. Hopefully it didn't involve a table and handcuffs. I was really sick of handcuffs when it was clear I was far from dangerous in any capacity.

Now I know I had just gone on a whole secret rant, but the Thor memory was something I wasn't quite ready for yet. Partly because I had absolutely no context into what it was or when it could possibly be. There was a battle with Thor- big surprise. I literally had nothing to offer them in that regard. Just because you were beside Thor in battle didn't mean you were any kind of important. There had been plenty of people on the ground in New York doing their part I'm sure. I didn't know what the words meant either. It was currently just a big blob of confusing, and I wasn't going to get anywhere with confusing.

"Nothing that gives an answer in the slightest," I admitted, telling the truth but not offering elaboration. "It makes things come into focus though. It explains why I apparently have this technology in me that changes my blood at random and somehow appeared in Fury's office. It might be a good explanation to the whole memory dilemma- can't have me knowing the winning lottery numbers and all that."

"It explains the tattoo," Skye lit up, clearly having thrown her hat into the ring on this theory. "That's how you knew to join a team before there was a team." Her eyes were sparkling with how excited she was. "Oh my God! The reason you have to save someone is because something goes horribly wrong and it leads to a future where we're ruled by villains. And so you were sent back as our last hope to change the course of history and make sure heroes triumph in the end! But the process was untested and wiped your memory, leaving you in an unfamiliar world." She laughed. "Just when I thought you could not get any cooler. You could have your own comic!"

"We still haven't addressed the issue of time travel yet though," Simmons cut in, not as overjoyed. "If we do say this is possible, then that means Ashleigh's mere presence has altered everything she has touched or affected since her arrival. She would create a schism in the timeline that could eventually threaten the very fabric of the universe itself. Sending her back would mean the possible death of everything."

"Or maybe in the future they figured out a scientific way to avoid that," Skye countered.

"I'm with Simmons," Ward chimed in. "I may not understand all the logic behind it, but it's a pretty hard pill to swallow without a shred of proof. Even with everything we deal with. Sorry, Crawford." I shrugged, unaffected by his disbelief. Sure, I wanted everyone to believe me. But I had come in expecting a few detractors.

"What do you think Fitz?" Skye prompted, clearly not as content in having people disagree with her.

Fitz sat there for a long moment, taking a deep breath. Finally, he looked up and his eyes met mine. "I believe Ash." And I'm pretty sure if it were possible, I would have melted into a puddle right then and there. I swear I felt my cheeks heating up into a slight blush despite a desperation to not give away my feelings so easily. And I couldn't stop the smile that creeped on my face either. "I know the science isn't there at the moment- goes against it in fact. But if she thinks this is the truth… I've learned by now not to doubt her."

Oh God, I had it bad.

May and Coulson still hadn't said anything though, so I turned to address them. "I don't expect you to believe me right away. I wouldn't believe me when I have nothing but an inkling. I wanted to put it out there though, because there's no way I'm going to find out it's true unless I have your help."

They looked at each other for a long moment, the closest thing to parents I had having a silent discussion before Coulson spoke. "We'll look into it, alright?"

It was all I needed to let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I could accept that. At least it wasn't cries of witchcraft.

We all split up to our individual rooms after that for the night, but I found myself completely unable to settle down by any stretch of the imagination. My brain just would not turn itself off to any degree despite how tired I was. So, I threw a blanket around my shoulders and knocked on the door of the person I felt I desperately needed to talk to in order to clear them.

Skye ushered me in quickly with a large smile, citing how bored she herself was without any sort of computer around, the two of us sprawling out on her bed and eating the secret stash of cookies she had snuck in her bag and somehow managed to keep away from Fitz. She waited it out, knowing I was working up the courage to say something and giving me the space to say it. Skye seemed to intuitively know when words were necessary and when they weren't. It was an amazing and comforting skill that helped make up what a great friend she was.

"You were right," I said finally.

"You're going to have to be more specific," she answered, and I could hear the smug smile on her face.

I rolled my eyes. "You know what about."

"I might not. It could be about how I told you tacos are delicious despite their appearance so you should try one. It could be about my theory that you are actually a superhero from the future. Or it could be my insistence that you wear less sweater because you don't have to hide your wrist anymore. So you're going to have to elaborate a bit."

I pulled one of the pillows over my face groaning. "Please don't make me say it." Silence. I was going to have to say it. "It's… about… Fitz. You were right about Fitz."

"I knew it!" She shot up, pointing down at me. "You've been acting weird around him all day. Not in a way that he would notice, so don't worry, but in a way I noticed. You were blushing and kind of self-conscious and your face when he stood up for you… love-struck. Pure and simple."

"I blame you for all of this. You put the idea in my head."

"I saw what was obvious. But if it gets something to finally happen then I will take all the credit. Thank me at the wedding."

I choked on air. "No. No. I'm not… nothing's going to happen. I'm not going to… we're not going to end up in a relationship." She looked down at me, eyebrow raised. "I can't compete with Simmons, Skye. He likes her- I've seen it since the whole virus thing. They're supposed to end up together."

"You have no way of possibly knowing that," Skye disagreed, her playful demeanor becoming serious. "You don't see the way he looks at you. How he is willing to do anything for you. How you make him believe in himself and he returns it right back. It's adorable. You might have a chance at being happy, Ashleigh. Like really freaking happy. All it takes is one question."

I hadn't expected to be won over, but the intensity to Skye's argument did seem to crawl under my skin pretty quickly. What if he did feel the same way? What if I was looking at this all wrong? Maybe… maybe… no. No. "I don't even know who I am, Skye. I could be dragging him into something awful and messy. We don't know who or what I left behind."

"You've said it yourself before- you are Agent Ashleigh Crawford. That is who he cares about. And I think he cares about you so much, is so connected to you, that anything you face won't phase him. It would be worth facing if he gets to be with you. I mean, that's how I feel and I'm just your friend."

I covered her hand with mine, squeezing it. I almost felt like crying at her words, because they were just filling me with this light and hope. They reminded me of my place in this world and centered me on the ground- stopped my hopeless spinning about in uncertainty. I was where I belonged. I was where I needed to be. "I'll think about it." And I meant it. I knew that and she knew that.

"Good," she nodded. We fell into a silence again, but this time I could tell she was trying to bring something up. And I got the sinking feeling I knew what it was. "Ward- "

"Has zero feelings for me," I made clear. "He came to apologize for the whole choking thing and then he made a move that I avoided. And I mean literally did a trust fall into the bed to get away." I turned my head towards her. "He didn't mean any of it. Trust me. It was just the aftereffects of the staff, of his desperation to forget whatever it reminded him of. He realized that the instant I turned him down and left. It… it doesn't change the way he feels about you."

She didn't say anything, but I hoped the words stuck. And soon the two of us drifted off to sleep next to one another- I didn't quite want to leave and she didn't seem eager for me to either- burrowed under our separate covers on the giant bed that fit both of us and then some. The only downside was I ended up waking up with her at seven the next morning. It was awful.

May also took it upon herself to drag me to the gym the following day, having rented it out so it was just the two of us. And I was quite surprised when she demanded I bring the belt and Cheesetauri.

"You do best when you're defending others, Crawford," she explained as we warmed up. "It's an undeniable fact. So I want to try something, base some things off having that rodent at your side because he might not be entirely useless yet." We rose and she took a swing that I ducked under. "Plus, if you insist on carrying that ridiculous thing we can't let it end up getting you killed by throwing you off balance. We know that's quite easy to do."

I gave a fake laugh, ducking another swing and twisting my way around her. And soon I started to recognize what she was talking about. My movement, consciously and unconsciously, were all based around keeping that hamster ball as far away from her as I could. I always put myself between the two forces and was always conscious to break my fall when she managed to knock me down in a way that kept him from hitting the floor. I moved faster so as not to leave myself open to her having a shot at him. And when she went for him was when I seemed to go on the sharpest attack, lashing out once with a kick I didn't even know I had that almost knocked her down. Almost. Needless to say, it was our most intense bout of training yet.

Because May seemed to be right. What should have been a major weakness, a hole in my defense ripe for exploiting, was actually something I was turning into a strength. And I won't say I was winning by any stretch of the imagination, but I was doing better. Not a drastic amount or anything- I didn't suddenly become Black Widow. But it was enough that it was noticeable and I left at the end with a few less bruises and aches than usual.

May actually seemed kind of impressed. She still refused to call him anything but a rodent though. I might be able to win her over in time though. The rest of the was spent with the others, just messing around. I tried to keep my mind of the Fitz thing, give it some time and space. Stick with the group and not run off just the two of us. It seemed to work to a degree. I was still a bit of a mess around him at the moment, though he seemed to be chalking this all up to my rough couple of days thankfully. Skye had been right about his being oblivious it seemed. And the looks he gave Simmons, maybe it was my imagination but they didn't seem as powerful to me as they had once been. It could indeed just be a friend looking at another friend.

I was scarily starting to convince myself I might have a chance.

Skye tried to take me for another driving lesson, but I refused until the others offered to come along. I soon learned that meant too many cooks in the kitchen and the lesson was cut short when one supposed teacher said go while the other said stop and I nearly got us all killed by a truck. It seemed like driving might not be in my future at this rate. I could tell we were all starting to get a little cagey though. A break was nice, but we were ready for the next adventure.

Which was why I was excited to get the text that it was time to get back on the Bus the next day and visit Coulson in his office. I took a quick shower, threw on my last pair of clean clothes and nice button-up short-sleeved shirt Skye had loaned me for a change of pace. I wasn't sure I liked it. The bruises had pretty much faded to a few yellow splotches thankfully which took some squinting to notice. I threw my hair up as I climbed the ramp, stopping in the kitchen to grab a Pop Tart, a missed part of my diet, before heading in for briefing where Coulson and Skye, tablet clutched in her hand, were waiting. She gave a nod at my fashion choice as I sat down in the seat next to her- stuffing the whole thing in my mouth.

"This you two," Coulson began, image of a woman appearing on his screen behind us, "is Hannah Hutchins. She lives in a small town named Batesville." He paused before presenting the point we had been waiting for. "We have recently acquired evidence… that it is strongly possible she possesses the ability to move and manipulate objects with her mind. And that she had no real control of it."

Skye caught on quicker than I did. "Wait, a telekinetic? I thought they didn't exist." She turned to me. "He told me they didn't exist."

"We have never verified one," he corrected, glancing between the two of us. "That's why we're going to Batesville… to conduct an index asset evaluation and intake." Ah, one of my fake specialties. Luckily, I had read the manual back to front on this one when I was cramming all the necessary S.H.I.E.L.D. policies into my mind. I could handle this easy. Just talk to the person and don't scare them.

Skye leaned over to me. "Does that mean-?"

"Talk to her and see if she is telekinetic?" I finished. "Yeah. It does."

"Well, no offense AC, but it needs a better name. Something less I.R.S. and more… better."

I snorted. "They seem to like being pretty straightforward around here, but what exactly did you have in mind?"

"How about the 'Welcome Wagon'." I didn't want to say anything too harsh, so I just kept my mouth shut as Coulson handed each of us a file. I immediately started glancing through it to see it was everything we probably needed to know about Hannah.

"I want you to pay close attention on this one, Skye," Coulson paused in front of her. "Stick close to Crawford and follow her lead. It's a good opportunity to learn how to deal with someone with newfound abilities."

"It's not like I've never done this before," Skye pointed out, opening the envelope. "I found Mike Peterson before you did."

"Remember how that went," Coulson reminded her, starting past us for the door to his office.

"My head certainly does," I quipped, rising to follow him as I glanced over things. Skye followed.

"Point taken."

"This is a chance to see how it's done when it's done right," Coulson started down the stairs with the two of us trailing behind him. My eyes came to a stop at the mention of a particle accelerator. But Skye cut in before I could mention it.

"How many people like this have you encountered? And how many did Ashleigh claimed to have encountered on her resume that she has the job?" I just gave her a dirty look over my shoulder that she smiled at.

"A handful. There's not many people on the index. And Agent Crawford had shown excellent navigation in one of the names that was to a degree that is saved two lives. She is able to inspire trust to a very high degree in a very short time. We are all evidence of that. I certainly feel comfortable letting her be your guide for this mission because of that." And I couldn't help but grin widely at that, flattered beyond belief as per usual.

"They must wig out when they see the S.H.I.E.L.D. trucks roll up."

"I don't think so," I took this one. "Some definitely would, but they're people. And all people act differently. That's what makes the whole thing so tricky. There's never a clear answer before you meet them."

"She's right," Coulson agreed with me. "Some people are in complete denial that there's anything unusual about them." We reached the bottom of the stairs now and started down the hallway, Skye finally flipping through her pages. "It's a delicate process, and from all the reports, this sounds like a particularly sensitive situation."

"'Particle accelerator explodes'," Skye read one of the newspaper articles from her town aloud.

I nodded. "It looks like she was one of the quality control engineers on the project from her job description."

"So was it her fault then?" Skye asked Coulson, switching to her tablet in a predictable fashion to get information faster. Reading was a lost art these days.

"The town blames her."

"It says four technicians died in the blast during her shift," I read off, happy to have beaten her technology with my old fashioned methods, noticing Skye had pulled up a picture of them.

"That's terrible… all those families." I couldn't help but agree as I looked at them, imagining being at the center of something like that. I don't know if I could live with myself.

"Small church community… they're pretty rattled."

"She must be too," Skye added as we started down the next set of stairs in the cargo hold to the lab. "Friends, co-workers dead. And on top of all that, she might have some crazy powers she can't understand. Or control."

Fitz-Simmons was waiting for us as we reached the bottom, Fitz and I giving our short little waves to one another before he switched into a more serious mode at her side.

"Sir, the Department of Energy's declared the particle acceleration lab too dangerous to enter," Simmons began, clearly disappointed.

Fitz took it from there. "But the good news is, we still think we can retrieve the disaster-event data from the instruments." I loved it when he talked science. My brilliant Lee showing the world how it's done.

Focus. Focus. It was back to Simmons now and I forced myself to turn my attention to her. "We'll determine the cause and see if there's any correlation between telekinesis spontaneously forming and a particle accelerator exploding."

Coulson shrugged. "Well, it foes use giant magnets to fire billions of subatomic particles into the anti-particles at the speed of light to create miniature big bangs. So… seems like a good place to start." He then seemed to notice all our jaws had dropped. I hated to say I doubted him, but I honestly didn't know he had that in him. "I read," he told all of us. Fitz-Simmons seemed to take this as a dismissal, heading back into the lab.

"I'll try not to mention bug bangs when we talk to Hutchins about the explosion," Skye decided, showing that was good judgement within her.

"Probably for the best," I agreed.

"You'll stay in the car," Coulson ordered. Skye looked ready to argue, but he beat her to it. "This is a delicate situation. We don't know what kind of danger this woman poses, so I'll make initial contact with Agents Ward and May. Crawford will stay in the car with you and keep you from getting into trouble."

"Wait," I interjected. "She has to wait in the car because she's unqualified so I'm the one who gets punished and has to baby-sit her? What happened to the whole asset to the team speech you gave her before?"

He turned to me, completely serious. "Let me remind you, Agent Crawford, that not only are you supposed to be on suspension this month but that you are in actuality not a qualified Agent in any sense of the word. I meant what I said, but you're there for the car ride back and what happens next after the three of us as trained Agents in this regard approach her. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," I agreed instantly, in no mood to argue with him in the slightest. He was right. I was still a lying liar who lied about my qualifications. Coulson may trust and believe in me, but it still made me unqualified in a lot of areas he had once let me run freely in. I was just going to have to show him I could listen and work my way up to it.

He gave a hint of a smile, almost able to sense what I had been thinking. "Good. And plus, you're the only one who seems capable of keeping any of them slightly in line. I'm afraid I'm going to be coming to you for a lot of baby-sitting, Crawford." Ah, so I was officially the oldest sibling in a way. This was going to be fun.

"Wheels up in five," May stepped out from upstairs to announce in her usual harsh tone. "Better strap in."

We started up the stairs to find our seats, myself planning to head to my usual spot in the co-pilot seat and get this reading done front to back. Skye elbowed me. "Good thing he's bringing along warm and fuzzy for the delicate situation."

"I don't know," I disagreed. I thought back to how May had thought outside the box for the sake of making me better in combat. She clearly cared about people, just in a different way than most were used to seeing. "I think there's a lot more to her than you give her credit for."

"Hey guys," Ward announced from below us before Skye could answer, having just arrived. Almost late, which was quite unusual for him. And they accused me of sleeping in too much. But maybe sleep was good. Maybe we would be able to put this whole freaky staff behind us now.

"You're late," Mya fired at him before heading to the cockpit with myself behind her. I silently took my usual seat, Cheesetauri in my lap munching on some cheese with enthusiasm, and set about memorizing everything I could about Hannah Hutchins. Because I wasn't about to let anything else happen to this poor girl.

XXX

S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were waiting for us when we touched down and started down the ramp. Coulson climbed into a car with May and Ward, ordering Skye and us to take another and follow them. We were then to remain in the car and if Hannah was stable enough when we talked to her then she would ride back with us. We instantly agreed that Skye would be the one driving, wanting to put Hannah's comfort above all else. And my habit of hitting the brake so hard everyone almost got whiplash wasn't comforting. Fitz and Simmons would meanwhile go with another team to the site of the accident and gather whatever data they could from outside it. I gave him a solid pat on his back as we crossed paths, telling him to go be brilliant. He told me to keep Skye out of trouble.

So we followed behind their car as instructed, S.H.I.E.L.D. logos clearly emblazoned on both of our vehicles. Skye had been unsure of that and wished we took the Jeep or something of that sort, but this was perhaps more for the public than Hannah herself it seemed. And that became abundantly clear as we turned into the cul-de-sac where she lived and found people surrounding her house as police officers attempted to hold them back. It was pretty much chaos. And there was Hannah, standing on her porch and just… enduring it. Just taking all their hate and scorn to her face.

"We know what you did!" One shouted.

"She blew up the gas station," a woman cried. "Why aren't you arresting her?" Oh, this was already getting a bit out of hand. The sooner we get her out of here the better. Coulson had climbed out of his car with May and Ward, making their way up the porch to her. It would have been a great moment to observe them and learn proper protocol, but we were so far away and it was so loud I was pretty sure the learning opportunity had gone up in smoke.

Skye was already at the door already on edge, but I had the sense to lock it from my side and just keep a wary eye on her. She could do whatever she wanted and get herself in trouble except for the fact that my neck was on the line too with this one. I would tackle her at this point before I let her put on foot on the street. "I'm not going to do anything. I know how to listen," she argued.

"Sure you do," I responded with a roll of my eyes, turning most of my attention back to the scene.

"Get out of here!"

"This seems like a lovely neighborhood," I mocked. "I might consider moving here when I retire from being a time-travelling superhero."

"I'll be sure to mention that to Fitz." I looked at her to see she was smiling in a very evil manner.

"Shut up."

I looked back at the sound of an outburst, seeing someone had thrown something at Hannah as it looked to be upsetting her even more as the people just started rising in volume.

And then something unbelievable happened. One second I was watching warily as the others tried to keep everything under control and the next, well the next my head was slamming into the dashboard for no proper reason. Like someone had the back of my head and threw me into it full force. Only I'm positive Skye was the only other one in here with me. I pulled my head back, groaning as everything blurred, to see her wide-eyed next to me.

A police car was currently moving towards everyone with siren blaring… only no one was in the driver's seat. It was as if it was possessed. Everyone was officially panicking now, Hannah clutching her head and looking scared for her life.

Skye was going for the door. "Skye, you can't-! "

And then my head was sent flying into the dashboard again, this time leaving me reeling a bit and with a bloody nose. My nose just was not having a great week was it? I blinked a few times to clear my swimming vision.

"Ashleigh!" Skye's voice cut in. "Are you alright?" There was a commotion going on now as officer pulled a gun on Hannah as she tried to run from the scene.

"Shit!" was my response. It was getting really hard to stay in the car with the chaos unfolding around us and I found myself unbuckling my seatbelt. People were running and shouting at her with such venom I just wanted to knock them all out. Skye had something dark in her eyes as well, looking ready to jump out the second I did. Then the car door was thrown open on its own and properly spooked me into closing it again and staying put. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

"What is happening?" Skye seemed to have the hairs on the back of her head standing on end as well.

"I don't- "And then my head was sent hurtling into the window of the door I had just shut, cracking it as a shot rang out from the scene. Only our way of seeing what had just happened was now pretty damaged, forcing me to throw the door open and step out of the car. Skye followed suit and came around to join me, clearly worried and checking briefly to see I was alright.

Things had settled down as May towered over the now unconscious Hannah, Ward and Coulson flanking her. The police seemed to get their goddamn gumption back and started driving people away from the scene, allowing Ward to gently pick her up. Coulson turned and gestured to our car, only to stop at the sight of the two of us clearly out of it. He did not seem too pleased and I readied myself to calmly explain the trouble with that plan

The police managed to hold a line of spitting and snarling people as he made his way over to us, Ward behind him and May covering his back. He noticed the car window before he noticed my nose. I looked at the shattered glass, chill running up my spine for a reason I couldn't quite place. There was almost a faint tickling in the back of my brain, but I forced it out to turn to Coulson.

I opened my mouth, ready for that calm explanation. Except words just came flying out. "We tried. We really tried. It was going well, but then the car got possessed. It threw me around quite a bit and soon it became clear it was more dangerous to be in there then out of there. We still didn't do anything. We were so close. But I feel these are what you would call extenuating circumstances, given the nature of a possessed car. Please don't be mad at us."

He just shook his head. "I just hope on day we manage to accomplish a mission that doesn't involve you bleeding. Make sure you have that looked over when we get back." I nodded, having no intention of doing so.

He turned back to May and Ward. "Ward will go in this car with Skye. May and I will take Crawford with us and lead the way. She shouldn't come to for a while, but let us know if her state changes. Also, grab a blood sample for Fitz-Simmons to analyze. We'll then disembark immediately for the Fridge." Well, that sounds ominous.

I followed May and Coulson to their non-possessed car, crawling very ungracefully into the backseat and buckling myself in. I waited until we had started our journey back with the horrors of suburbia behind us, Skye following at our tail, to bring up my questions. "What is the Fridge?" I hadn't really seen that one in all my readings. "Because to be honest, the name makes it sound really ominous and scary. Like we're going to throw her in there and swallow the key or something."

"It's a secure facility off the map," Coulson explained. "She'll only be kept there until her powers develop to the point she can control them and we can re-insert her back into society- preferably with a new identity and a handler. It's for her safety as much as everyone else's." I nodded this, accepting it hesitantly. "It's not a row of cells, Crawford. She'll be well cared for. I promise. If you truly desire, I can grant you some leave time to visit and inspect it yourself. Maybe keep you out of trouble for a few days."

"Okay," I verbalized my response, feeling better about the affair. I then went to my next topic, leaning forward so I was gripping a seat with each hand. "Why did you sedate her?"

I was worried May would take my question as disagreeing with her decision, but she seemed to grasp my intent as mere curiosity. I just wanted to understand what went into her choice. "The situation was merely growing in terms of panic and threat of violence. She did not appear as if she would be calming down in the near future with the crowd around her, meaning her possible powers would continue to be in effect. And I wanted to prevent her or anyone else from getting hurt. So I made the best possible choice in the moment even if it wasn't ideal, something you'll find yourself having to do often."

"Are you worried about how she'll feel when she wakes up?"

"No. I feel confident she'll understand the situation, given how adverse she seems to hurting others. I doubt she'll want to be friends, but it's a sacrifice that will pay off if we get her to the Fridge safely without hurting anyone." She turned to face me. "What would you have done?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I would have kept talking to her, trying to calm her down. I seem best at the words thing. If I shot her, I'd probably end up hitting someone in the crowd and starting a riot."

May turned back, facing forward. "It might be time we consider adding weapons training then."

"My luck is to the point where I get beat up by a window and you want to put a gun in my hand?" Coulson snorted despite himself at my disbelief.

"Under my supervision, I'm confident we can develop your talents to make them a further asset to our team. I feel if the situation demanded it… that the chance of you missing would be very low."

I leaned back, unsure what to say to that. May was speaking highly of me and my brain didn't quite know how to compute this. She almost seemed to have found something that made her believe in me in an aspect that no one else did. I knew calling her out on it would do me no favors and possibly cause her to take her offer back. So I defected to my usual method of humor. "Well, I'm glad one of us is confident."

The rest of the drive was silent until we pulled up to the waiting Bus, cargo ramp down and waiting for us to come back on. Fitz-Simmons must be back from their field trip then and hard at work putting all of this together. I hope we would be able to give Hannah some answers soon, something that might help her grapple with this whole mess. Because the way she looked- the poor girl seemed to think she deserved this kind of torment.

I slammed the car door shut to be met by Coulson's finger pointed at me. "I mean it. Get Simmons to check that out. Otherwise, we might just have to put you on bedrest for the remainder of this mission." Shoot. He had seen right through me.

"I will, sir," I promised.

"And I don't know why actions were only taken against you back there, so I want you to be extra careful. We can't afford anything happening while we're in the air." With that, we started up the ramp and I directed myself straight towards the lab where Fitz-Simmons was hard at work with some of the data they had gathered- chattering back and forth to one another at Mach speed.

I fell onto one of the metal stool, shouting to get their attention. "Paging Doctor Jemma! You have a patient awaiting assistance in your office." They both turned, and Jemma let out a huff at the sight of me.

"What did we do this time?" she asked, putting on gloves as she made her way over to me. "If I recall, all you had to do this time was wait in the car." Fitz came up beside her as she looked at my nose and then the side of my head. "Ashleigh, how did you get glass in your hair?"

"Telekinesis plus a car window." She began muttering to herself as she turned to grab a pair of forceps, preparing to remove the glass and make sure none had pierced my skin. I noticed Fitz hovering behind her, clearly worried. "Nothing to worry about, Lee. It's only a flesh wound." I paused. "Am I-?"

"Monty Python," the both answered at the same time as Simmons turned back and began dropping slivers of glass into a metal tray with the forceps.

"We'll take care of it later," Fitz added, still not assuaged it seemed. Simmons worked in silence for a few moments before Skye entered through the back door, vial of red liquid in her hand.

"This is for the two of you compliments of Ward." She gravitated toward me because I didn't have enough of an audience already. "How's she looking? Will she live?" she quipped.

Fitz didn't seem to take it as lightly as the rest of us. "I thought I told you to try and keep her from getting hurt this time."

"It's Ashleigh," was her response. "Do you want me to walk on water too?"

"This is serious. She's already hit her head and received a concussion while on a mission. Continued trauma to the head could permanently- "

"Lee," I cut in as Simmons finished up, nothing having pierced my skin luckily. She handed me a rag to wipe my nose. "I'm fine. I promise. Just a bit of a headache but nothing to worry about. I have an extremely thick skull." It didn't make him laugh, but it did make him back off a bit as he nodded and went back over to his work. Skye shot me a look but I ignored it.

"Here," Simmons handed me a Tylenol and water.

I swallowed it quickly. "Thank you very much. Could you- "

"I'll tell Coulson you're cleared. We wouldn't want you to end up on actual probation, now would we?"

I rose from the stool with a smile. "You're the best Jemma. I'll leave you guys to your science. I want to go read up on Hannah and hopefully be allowed in when she wakes up."

"She sent your head into a window… and you want to go back in there?" Fitz questioned, not glancing up from his work though. He seemed to be about at the end of his rope with me.

"She has no control of her powers. It was an accident and I want to help her. Poor girl seems like she could use a break after all this- the way the people were treating her back there. I want to show her not everybody's like that." Everyone was staring at me now, so I shrugged and started for the door as Fitz-Simmons returned to their work, Skye observing.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with her," I heard Fitz say.

"You're going to keep me around because you would be lost without me," I called over my shoulder.

"Keep telling yourself that, Ash."

"Every night, Lee." And with that, I exited the lab and made for my room. I removed Cheesetauri from his cage and placed him in his ball, allowing him to run about the space around my bed to make up for his lack of stimulation today. I poured over the file on my bed, studying every aspect of the particle accelerator that was open to me. Most of the science was lost to me, but the people weren't.

The room momentarily shifted as the Bus took off, sending Cheesetauri into the dresser. But then the world righted itself and he seemed absolutely no worse for wear luckily. The little guy was as tough as I was.

I was surprised when it was May who was at my door an hour or so later. "We're at the Fridge already?"

She shook her head. "We've still got about six hours. She's waking up though and you're coming in with Coulson and I."

"Really?!"

"We've come to the conclusion you followed orders… well enough back at the house. Now come on before I change my mind." I sprung to my feet, making the decision to put Cheesetauri back in his cage. I didn't want to risk anything happening to him if Hannah got out of control. Better to keep him safe rather than sorry.

I followed May down the corridors towards the Interrogation Room, almost having to jog to keep up with her brisk pace. "Do you have any orders for in there? I know Coulson was nervous about my being targeted earlier."

"Just be yourself. Talk to her. But at the same time, be prepared to exit if anything starts to move outside the realm of our control."

"Got it." We rounded the corner to see Coulson waiting for us, sans tie and with a water bottle in his hands. He offered it to me and gestured for myself to head in first. I took a deep breath and did so, heading in just as Hannah was sitting up on the lone mattress in the room. It looked like everything else had been removed for her safety, making us look particularly cruel.

She turned to me, eyes red from crying earlier, and shrank back into the corner of the mattress folding herself up as small as she could be. And I didn't blame her. I knelt before her, uncomfortable with the idea of towering over her menacingly and extended the bottle. "Hi. We brought you something to drink." She just stared at it. "I'm Ashleigh. Behind me is Coulson and May. We want to help you."

"How did I get here?" she asked, looking over the three of us.

"I sedated you," May answered simply. I wanted to shoot her a look, but kept my focus on Hannah.

"I apologize for brining you in that way," Coulson followed, using May's comment as a lead in for his gentler statement, the two of them playing off each other with a kind of efficiency I'd never seen before. I hope I knew someone well enough to do that one day. "Things were escalating. It was for everyone's safety."

Hannah registered this and finally took the water bottle. "Everyone's safety. Good. Okay." She sat for a moment before realization seemed to hit her and make her upset again. "Oh, lord, what have I done?"

I reached forward, lacing my hand through her free one and making eye contact. It was taking all my restraint to not hug this woman. "Hey. Hey. It's okay. Nothing got out of hand back there. Everyone walked away just fine. You didn't hurt anyone, I swear." A little bit of a lie, but a necessary one in my eyes.

She looked at the ground, completely defeated. "Wherever I go, things turn bad."

"Were you angry at those people, back at the house?" May asked, trying to get to the root of things while I still kept her fingers laced through mine and taking it as a good sign that she hadn't let go.

She looked up, confused. "Um, angry? No. I know most of them. They were angry." A haunted look crossed her features and she looked ready to cry again. "I understand. Oh god. Frank's wife… the way she was looking at me." She seemed to curl up even farther.

"Frank Delacort," I recalled, face from the file appearing in my mind.

"He died in the accident," Coulson continued, crouching down at my side.

She nodded, looking away from all of us. "Because of me, they're gone. I killed them." And with that she removed her hand from mine to hug her knees.

I swung beside her, sitting on the other end of the mattress. "It was an accident Hannah. Just a random bad thing that happened." She was shaking her head but I kept going. "And bad things… they do that. They happen and no one can explain why. But we have to push on and not blame ourselves when there's nothing we could have done."

"I could have done something," she disagreed. "It was my job to do something and I failed. And now they're dead and everyone should hate me."

"Talk us through what happened, the accident," Coulson probed gently. "What makes you think you failed, miss Hutchins?"

She leaned her head against the wall, taking herself back. "For weeks, I was getting reports from section two complaining that the coupling assembly was coming loose at the bolts." A smile came to her face. "Tobias is the…" And then it was gone. "He was the technician down there." She took a second before getting back on topic. "We replaced the part, and we triple-checked it for damage. Seems like I went down there every few days."

Something wasn't adding up. "But you found nothing wrong?"

"No. But clearly, I missed something."

Coulson took it from here. "My team is working to determine what really did happen and what might have happened to you." And now it was out in the open- the big matter at hand.

Hannah just blinked at him. "To me? What do you mean?"

I put a hand on her arm. "There is evidence that the accident may have caused you to gain some form of abilities. Telekinetic abilities."

As soon as the words landed, she pulled her arm away hastily. "You think it's me? The police car, the gas sta… you think I did that?" She was getting upset now and that wasn't good.

"We're not sure," Coulson admitted, trying to keep her calm. "And this can be a hard thing to hear, but all these events have one thing in common."

She caught on instantly what he was saying. "Me, but I'm not causing it," she insisted. "It's not me. I wish it were because then maybe I could make it stop."

May stepped forward so she was kneeling in front of her now, reinserting herself back into the conversation. Hannah regarded her warily. "Then what is it?" I asked.

She shook her head, tearing up again as she put her face in her hands. "You all wouldn't believe me."

She looked up, tears running down her face, right into May's eyes. And May stared right back, saying her next words with such conviction yet tenderness it floored me. "Try me." I had never heard her sound like that before and it was astounding.

Hannah's face instantly changed, letting her sorrows out in a measure of trust. "God's punishing me. He abandoned me. He doesn't protect me anymore." Oh boy. I had no clue what I used to believe in, but Ashleigh Crawford had never really taken the time to look at her belief system. It had always been kind of on the back burner, a non-essential compared to other things. I had no opinion and no stakes in a conversation like this because I didn't know my own opinion.

It looks like it was coming back to bite me in the butt now.

"That's why this is happening," Hannah uttered, completely convinced in this clearly.

"Protect you from what?" Coulson asked.

"Demons, sir," she uttered, and I felt a chill run up my spine. "I'm being haunted by demons."

Coulson rose, face grave. I don't know if he believed her, but he clearly knew Hannah believed this was true. "I see. I'm going to talk with my team and see what we can come up with. Let us know if you need anything at all. We're not trying to make you suffer." He started for the door with the two of us following, myself patting her on the knee before I did.

"Do you believe me?" she asked us before we were out. "Or do you think I'm crazy too."

"We've learned not to exclude the impossible," May answered, glancing at me for a split-second. "We will find out what this is and do whatever we can to help you." Hannah seemed to accept this, leaning against the wall as we exited.

"Have everyone gather around the holocom," Coulson ordered me and I went right to it, stopping in the lab to grab Fitz-Simmons with Fitz looking relieved I had emerged unscathed. Skye wasn't there though and I was surprised to find her at her laptop in the living area, though the look on her face instantly told me why.

"Ah, you got the whole 'two semesters minimum of holographic engineering before you get to touch this' speech," I deduced.

"How did you know that?"

"Because I have been on the receiving end… twice."

"Even you can't get Fitz to crack?"

"No. Lee is very serious about that. Come on." She rose and I nudged her, smiling. "Luckily, I happen to have observed the exact sequence it takes to load it up a few times. Maybe once this mission is over and they're distracted we can have some fun with the stuff they don't need anymore. Off the books."

She smiled back. "Are we sure you're not a supervillain?" I laughed at that, sobering as we entered the Briefing Room and joined the others around the Holocom. We seemed to be joining a conversation already in progress with Simmons having the floor.

"Delusions of being persecuted aren't uncommon after trauma," she explained.

"She's certainly been through her fair share," Ward agreed, clearly sympathetic.

"She's blaming herself," Skye added her two cents as she joined the circle with myself at her side. "It's guilt."

"I think she's all of it," I couldn't help but add, thinking over her complexity of emotions in the cell.

"I agree," Coulson weighed in. "She's broken." He turned to Fitz-Simmons. "Pore over the accident site. If that tragedy gave her powers, we need to shut them down. If it wasn't her fault, even, but until then, she's a danger to all of us." With that, he strode out of the room for his office. May followed and everyone else split up from there- myself having the intention of grabbing Cheesetauri and then getting some food.

"Skye, you up for- "

She brushed past me. "Sorry, but I want to talk to Coulson about something."

"Okay," I called after her. I went back to my bunk, hooked Cheesetauri in his ball to my waist, and made my way to the kitchen to find Ward must have had the same idea I did.

"Hey," I greeted him, taking a stool.

"Hey. Want a sandwich?" He gestured to the bread he was laying out.

"Sounds great, my friend." He pulled out another four slices of bread. "I'm not going to eat that much."

"No, but you are going to run to Fitz as soon as I'm done and he's going to steal half. I'm just trying to keep you nourished." Well, that was thoughtful. But then we fell into a bit of awkward silence as he buttered the bread for toasting. I became acutely aware it was our first time alone since the whole debacle in my hotel room. He was clearly hesitant to say anything or address it, to say the wrong thing. So I decided to face it head-on and do some repairs.

"So… I remembered something about the future." He instantly halted his movements, almost completely frozen. "About you and me."

"Wh-what?" He turned to me and I was surprised to see he almost looked scared. I never would have thought I had the power to make Grant Ward scared of me, especially in something he didn't really believe in.

It was pretty awesome.

"Uh-huh," I continued, trying to seem sage and wise. "You see, in the future I remembered, we've put your whole emotional breakdown and using of one another behind us. Water completely under the bridge. Don't even think about it. I'm happy with someone and so are you. Or we're happy alone. Whichever works for you. Details are fuzzy."

He was catching on judging by the smile that now crossed his face. "Oh, really?"

"Yep. Perfect symbiotic big brother-little sister relationship. Having each other's backs fiercely half the time, at each other's throats the other. How it was meant to be for the rest of our days."

He pulled out some tomatoes and grabbed a knife, putting the bread in the toaster. "Sounds nice."

"It is," I agreed. "I haven't even told you the best part yet."

"What's that?"

"It's going to be real soon. So don't worry, because everything is going to be fine."

He looked up from his tomatoes to stare at me a moment before going back to them. "I'm glad to hear something's certain at least." The silence now became more comfortable. This was interrupted by Skye hopping on the counter in a huff.

"I take it the talk didn't go so well?" I probed.

"It would have if May wasn't there!" she complained. "I just don't understand her at all. Everything to her is just… Target Acquired. Threat eliminated."

"That was a horrible robot voice," I made clear.

"She's a specialist," Ward reminded her.

"In one thing," Skye fired back, clearly letting out a lot of worked up feelings. "You can catch a lot more flies with honey than with napalm… just saying."

Ward sighed. "Hand me the lettuce." She did just as the bread finished. He went over to the toaster, but not before handing me a sliver. "For the mouse."

"His name is- "

"Not there yet, Ashleigh." I smirked, placing the lettuce inside the ball.

Skye was continuing her rant though, coming to stand on the other side of the counter. "She says I need to stay away, but you know what I think? I think she needs to get laid."

I'm pretty sure my head exploded, but I managed to recover more quickly than Ward, turning to face her. "Never say that again." She opened her mouth. "I mean it. Never say it again. I will not be responsible for your dismemberment if she hears you."

"I'm not scared of her," Skye talked big, only to take it back. "Well, I am, but just because the Calvary shot one hundred guys on horseback doesn't mean she knows how people work."

That sounded completely mental. "What the hell?" I asked as Ward turned, back on his feet and rejoining the conversation.

"Horseback? Where'd you hear that?"

"Fitz-Simmons."

"Were they messing with you?" Ward asked. Skye seemed to pause a bit.

"They were so messing with her," I confirmed.

"Story gets bigger every year. It wasn't a hundred guys… it was twenty," Ward began the tale as we faced him. "May crossed them off with one pistol, no support."

"She rescued a bunch of Agents?"

"Mm-hmm. There definitely wasn't a horse."

"Of course not," I chimed in. "Anyone who believes that is… is a lovely hacker of a gal who was duped by two mean geniuses."

"Well, if it went so well," Skye questioned, "why's she so squirrely about the name?"

"I don't know," Ward admitted. "May's not in it for the glory. She got the job done. End of story." He turned back to his work. "Where'd I put that knife?"

I shrugged. "You're clearly losing it in your old age it seems." He grabbed another one and finished chopping everything up and assembling two delicious sandwiches for myself after Skye had left the room in a bit of a huff, set on looking into some things. I then made my way for the lab, knowing to give her some space and let Ward take this one.

I popped into the lab, mouth biting down into my sandwich, only to see Simmons in front of her hologram. "Where's your lesser half?" I quipped.

"He's grabbing some couplings in the maintenance hallway," she answered. She glanced my way, noticing the sandwich with a smile on her face. "Oh dear, that looks like it could get cold. You should probably go find him."

She was acting weird. "You're acting weird."

"Sorry, just… I know he's starving and it's making him annoying. He should be right down the hallway. Just shout his name… and I'm sure he'll find you." The smile still had not left and it was creeping me out.

"Oh… kay…" I edged out of the room, waving to her as I did so before proceeding to the darkened maintenance hallway where we kept all the parts and things that kept the Bus going. I had honestly never been down here before. It was kind of ominous. "Lee!" I shouted, voice echoing. "Lee! Simmons said I'd find you here!"

There was no answer, but I swore I heard some sort of movement from the other end. I took a few steps into the hallway, looking in doorways. "Lee! Lee!" Maybe he couldn't hear me behind these. I opened one only to find it empty. My hairs were standing on end a bit now. "Lee! Where are you?!" I continued forward into the darkness.

"Boo!" a gas-mask adorned figure jumped out of the next door before I could open it. And it was like a switch flipped in my brain as I fell onto my butt.

"Fuck!" I shouted, profanity I'd never used in my short life streaming from my mouth. And just like that it was like my head was being assaulted, the room spinning as my heart thudded in my chest. I felt nothing but terror, pure terror that made me want to cry. My breathing became haggard as flashes assaulted me, pictures appearing but I was unable to tell what any of them were. I just knew they made my brain feel like it was being squeezed. There was a figure over me wearing a suit. I could see him through the flashes. And he made me more scared than I had ever been in my life.

"Ash!" a voice cried, but I shrunk farther back against the wall, squeezing my eyes shut.

"He's always up here," I uttered, needing to get the words out.

And then it was like it passed- like a wave that now ebbed. I opened my eyes again to see there was no man in a suit, just Fitz kneeling in front of me sick with worry. The images were gone and the words once again made no sense.

My second memory… and it was even worse than the first. God, my old life really seemed like it sucked.

"Ash!" I forced my head clear and focused on Fitz. Fitz who held a gas mask in one hand and had scared me. The sandwiches lay tossed on the floor and Cheesetauri was squeaking from his ball in worry. I looked down to see my hands were literally trembling. "Ash, are you- "

I saw his hand coming and shot back, a little bit of what had passed over me still there. "Don't you fucking touch me!" I shouted, lashing out with venom. He drew back instantly and I forced myself to my feet. I shook my head to force it clear, gaining the rest of myself back in the process. Making the anger and fear drain away. "I just… I need some space. Please… don't ever do that again." I started backwards away from him.

He nodded instantly, practically white himself. "Never."

"And please… don't follow me." I needed to be alone for a moment. I needed to get a grip on this.

"I can't ever promise that," he shook his head. And my heart skipped a beat, back to its normal state when it came to Fitz. No longer so… animalistic. I can't believe I had just sworn at him like that… twice. What the hell was happening to me?

But I couldn't deal with him right now. I couldn't risk it before I took a few deep breaths. So I didn't answer, I just ran. I ran out of the hallway and slammed the door shut, taking deep shuttering breaths and trying to force my hands to stop shaking. Cheesetauri was still squeaking, something clearly wrong in his eyes.

I had never known fear like that and I never wished to know it again.

Especially directed at Fitz. I couldn't take it.

I paced a bit in front of the door when I heard the scream from the lab. "Simmons." My personal woes instantly forgotten, I was off like a shot, bursting through the door with Coulson right behind me. "If this is another prank," I muttered under my breath.

"Simmons!" he shouted as we spotted her on the floor in a corner. I glanced to see their holographic table had been shattered, glass splinters thrown all around the lab. This was no prank. This was serious.

She climbed to her feet, shaken. "Sir, Hannah's telling the truth. She's not telekinetic." She looked between the two of us, face grave. "There's someone else on the plane."

Hannah's demon. It had to be. I turned to Coulson looking for input when suddenly the lights switched off, the red emergency ones coming on a moment later and casting us in what I could only describe as a hellish glow.

"What was that?" I asked, terrified of the answer.

"Plane's lost power," Coulson stated simply. And then my stomach started to pitch as I felt the plane move at an unnatural angle I had felt only once before. And I didn't like what it meant in the slightest as the three of us looked at one another. Coulson vocalized it first. "We're going down."

Oh sensation of falling. How I despised thee.

XXX

 _So I think this chapter was cursed by a ghost itself. Word crashed and left me having to write a huge chunk of this a second time. But like the team I got through it and am happy to present this chapter full of quite a lot of developments and questions. Things are picking up speed now as the team finds themselves literally free-falling. It's only going to get crazier from here too._

 _Thank you all for your patience and support. I'm so happy to be back in business and ready to type the back half of this and have it up soon. It's pretty tumultuous, just how I know you guys like it. Ash and Lee seem to be in need of some major Girl Talk though. I hope they get the chance._

 _Thank you to those who chose to have their fingers on the pulse of this story by following: Mmjohns, OnyxRing, Miradcastle, GreenEcho, AlexJMP, MissTigerLily1013, MisterShiryo, MateriaGirl16, TomTomGirl, chase83, Mickii10Minnie18, EmilyyMarie, Rythomas12, SkyFl0w3r, PixieCharm, aussieKayz, KirikaAndo, marco794, Evangeline Pond, and 3Silvia. It continues to astound me how this number grows. Thank you._

 _Thank you to those who have favorited and gave this story such a great honor: Mmjohns, iblamegreenberg, GreenEcho, sparks-of-madness, MissTigerLily1013, TomTomGirl, queen6404, EmilyyMarie, MarvelsAvengers14, Rythomas12, SkyFl0w3r, doctor3378, Mrs Bass-Malfoy, KirikaAndo, and Evangeline Pond. Again, it astounds me that this number keeps growing. You guys are the best fans I could ask for._

 _And thank you to those who have reviewed and given me such enjoyable feedback to read and converse with you about. I read them all multiple times and they never cease to make me smile. Thank you DreamingOfThatWorld, Evangeline Pond, GuestCat, MissTigerLily1013, iblamegreenberg, OnyxRing, NessieBooEvans, MulishaMaiden, FutureOlympian, XxAmyTheGreatxX, Cow-Lover2214, LeaopardFeather, stormrunner74, GiraffePanda2, DarknessHitsMe, Guest, and of course my friend Eckles. Thank you for leaving me words of encouragement and delight. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this one._

 _Have a great one guys. See you soon. Promise._


	20. Free Falling

_Free Falling_

Okay. Okay. Okay. Nothing to freak out about. Absolutely nothing. Just take a breath in and out before repeating for the rest of time. Don't lose your head. Keep calm, Ashleigh. Get a grip. It's not like you just experienced the most intense memory of your life and turned feral on your best friend only to be followed by falling from the sky in a plane that was sabotaged by a presumed demon.

Oh. Wait.

That was happening.

And call me ridiculous, but my first instinct wasn't to go strap in as Coulson urged us to do, leading Simmons towards the exit for the lab. Instead I went bolting for the cockpit in record time, skipping steps and lurching around corners. I was going in the direction we were falling which seemed to really increase my speed as well, though it meant I had to drag my shoes in some areas to keep from falling flat on my face and stopping my momentum.

But I had a goal in mind, and when it was protecting the people I cared about there was nothing that could stop me.

I reached the cockpit just a few beats after May did with Ward and Skye. "Ward, you certified?" she asked as she moved into her seat.

"Move!" I commanded, shoving past him to take the seat next to her. I buckled myself in as he just stared, turning to May and pulling all the knowledge I had gained from sitting up here with her to the front of my mind. "Okay… it looks like the engine-driven generators are also dead." I reported, trying to sound confident as my mind looked over all the controls and tried not to be distracted by the flashing or whirring of any of them. I turned to Skye and Ward. "Get farther back in the Bus where it's safer. If we hit you won't stand a chance in here."

They both just stayed frozen as I turned back. "Crawford, are you sure-?"

"Now."

If May was surprised I was there, she didn't waste any time saying so. "Switch batteries to maintain flight controls." She nodded up and I looked at the dials, remembering her flipping them when we landed before. I used that to follow her orders, turning all three so they lines were now upright. "The rest will be needed to keep the cage shielded." She was in deep concentration now, and I glanced back to see Skye and Ward had thankfully taken my advice. All that was ahead of us to me was blackness, but soon was able to recognize and identify shapes amongst them.

"Flaps ten," she barked, and I located the lever I recognized from flight manuals and pulled it to the number she had specified. It was a good thing she talked to herself when she did these things, or I wouldn't know what half this stuff was. I was merely a fake pilot after all. "Lower landing gear." That one I knew and did instantly, concentrating on how close the ground was getting. My stomach was threatening to upheave, but I forced my nerves to coat themselves in steel. Everything started to rock and shake, Cheesetauri bouncing in his ball, but I kept my hands gripped to the armrest. "There's a decent-sized field up ahead, but it's going to be rough."

"Of course it is," I nodded, expecting nothing else.

"Vertical landing's out."

"I don't even know what that is." We started clipping trees as she leveled us out, causing the rattling to intensify to the degree I was literally being thrown in and out of the seat time and time again with chattering teeth. May kept a firm hand though and I observed as this field came into view.

"Coming in a little hot."

"Really? I couldn't tell." There was no doubt sarcasm was my defense mechanism as I braced myself, wrapping my arms around one of the rests and burying my head in them. The Bus hit the ground and came to a super abrupt stop, throwing me forward despite my grip. I let out a cry of alarm as I was nearly ripped from my seat, but thankfully the belt held despite sending pain through my chest.

Then it was all over as things settled in a very tense silence of darkness; May flicking a few last levers to make our touching down official. I unfurled myself from the seat and rose to very shaky legs with a deep breath that I was still alive. I let out a laugh of relief, adrenaline peaking in my system before the inevitable crash. "Not so bad for the pretend pilot if I do say so myself."

May just shot me a look as she rose herself, going to the cabinet and tossing me a flashlight before taking one herself. She started for the door, but turned back for a moment- look surprising me that it held a softness despite being as severe as ever. "No. Not bad at all."

And then we were out the door, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't have been happier if she had just pulled me in for a hug. She was proud of me. I had finally done something right in the eyes of the one and only Agent May. My charging into situations with no regard for myself had finally done something other than injure me… and it felt pretty awesome.

But there was no time as we joined the others in the living area- everyone present except Fitz strangely enough. Coulson looked us all over and began to distribute some short-wave radios to each of us. "Our ear comms are usually relayed through the plane, so here's some hardware."

"Did the girl do this to us, sir?" Ward questioned.

"She absolutely did not," I made clear, a little more defensive than perhaps I needed to be. "She's probably just as badly shaken as the rest of us right now. Now has anyone seen-?"

"We now believe miss Hutchins is the victim here," Coulson explained calmly. "Our theories about her powers have been disproved."

"By who?" Skye asked.

There was a beat before Simmons spoke up. "I saw a ghost." All eyes were now on her, the skeptic admitting to the supernatural. "I… I know how it sounds, but a man attacked me, and then he disappeared."

"Did you get a good look at him?" May asked.

"He dematerialized!" Simmons shouted as an answer, clearly freaking out a bit at the situation. This whole thing just put me on edge. It was very eerie and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end- the idea of something roaming this ship and trying to hurt us. How were we supposed to beat something like this?

And Fitz was somewhere alone in all this.

"Where's-?"

I got cut off though. "May, run your systems checks," Coulson ordered, trying to keep our minds on the mission at hand. "Is the cage still shielded?"

"Most of the power is dedicated to it," she answered.

"The cage might be the one thing protecting her now," he stated, a clear fact. Whatever was on the Bus wanted her for some crazy reason. Seemed hell-bent on doing whatever it took. But some things just weren't adding up. Why was this happening to Hannah and how did the particle accelerator fit into all this? Because it was too big of a red flag to just be coincidence.

"We'll inform her," Ward nodded.

There was a moment of silence, so I decided to try again, getting a little bit desperate. "We should really find- "

"Sir, can it be me to talk to Hannah?" Skye requested, cutting between Ward and Coulson. "Her life has been turned upside down, and we stuck her in a nightmare box."

Nobody seemed to be leaping to her aid, so I had her back like she would mine. "Skye is right, sir. We have done nothing to ease the torment she's going through. In fact, we probably have just made it whole lot worse."

"She thinks she's being punished," Skye continued, bolstered by my comment. "Can I please be the one to deliver the good news?"

"That a non-corporeal madman is hunting her?" Ward reminded her.

I punched him in the arm. "Not helping, Ward."

"Again, I think it'd be better coming from anyone else, really," Skye continued as though Ward had just made her point abundantly clear. I couldn't help but agree with her. But Coulson was hesitating which wasn't a good sign. And Skye knew it. "And I'll take Ashleigh with me. Keep her by my side just like you told me to- follow orders. She'll babysit me and make sure I don't say or do anything you'd consider inappropriate." She turned to me then, eyes pleading.

I took the bait, stepping forward and accepting my place on this Bus. "I'll keep an eye on her, sir. There's no one I'm happier to babysit for."

My confirmation seemed to make up his mind as he nodded. "All right. Stick together and don't let each other out of sigh. Radio at the first sign of anything and then run to us."

"Of course."

"Absolutely."

He turned to the rest of the group. "I'll head upstairs, activate the emergency transceiver, and radio HQ. Ward, take a firearm. Escort Fitz-Simmons downstairs, assess the damage, get us up and running."

"Except we don't have Fitz," I stated the obvious. Everyone looked around as if just realizing this. "Wait? Come on! Seriously? No one else noticed that Lee wasn't here and accounted for?" Their looks very clearly gave their answer and I felt a flash of anger within me. Fitz was invaluable to this team and he deserved better than the sad lot in front of me right now. I wanted to just walk away from them and go find him myself, but I had my orders. Skye needed me by her side.

I walked up to Ward and poked him right in the chest. "Last I saw him he was in the maintenance hallways messing around." I gave Simmons a look. "Thanks for that by the way. I know you set me up he could scare… the profanity out of me." Yeah, that seemed like the easiest way of putting it.

"It was just harmless fun."

"It really wasn't," was all I offered to the contrary, hard edge to my voice. But then I got back on topic, putting a hand to my head. "But we're wasting time. Ward and you need to go find him and then fix this." I turned my head back to Ward and crossed my arms. "And he'd better be okay or you're going to have to answer to me. And believe me, you won't want to mess with me at that point." I pointed at my own chest before going back to him. "Got it?"

"I believe you made your point clear," Ward answered correctly, hint of a smile on his face. Apparently I wasn't as scary to him as I had been a bit ago. I kind of missed the power I had once held.

"Okay then." I turned back to Skye and gestured for her to follow me. "Come on. Let's go." She fell into step next to me, the two of us making our way towards the Cage. I took a light lead, shining my flashlight down corridors and walking with as quiet a footfall as I could manage in my sneakers. I was almost trying to keep myself from even breathing too loud. I didn't want to risk triggering this ghost by any means, especially when we were the group with absolutely no chance of holding him off. Two barely trained people and a mouse. Fear us, ghost. Fear us.

"Thanks for having my back with Coulson," she whispered finally after a few moments of silence.

"You've earned a chance Skye. Plus, I've accepted my lot in life is to keep you out of trouble. And I think you're right on this one. You might know exactly the right words that have been eluding the rest of us."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence." We walked a few more steps before she spoke again. "But also, wow. That was… something back there."

"Nothing he wouldn't do for me."

"Oh, I know. But that was on a whole other level. I don't think I've ever seen you quite like that before."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Skye. I've stood up to Ward more times than I can count at this point."

"Ashleigh…"

I sighed, knowing she was right judging by the feelings I had felt flaring up within me. My heart was constantly clenched and I knew it would be until I saw him again. Though I doubted he wanted to see me after what had just happened. But we could cross that bridge when we came to it. "Back there was… it was a girl trying to make sure she doesn't lose the most important thing to her." And it was true. It was scary as hell to admit aloud, but there was no way I could deny it at this point. I was in things deep. I don't know how I would even function without Fitz at my side. And Ward wasn't going to let that happen. I had to believe that.

I also needed to focus on the task at hand rather than talking about my personal issues with Skye, who was looking at me with a very sad and worried expression. The longer we were away from the others gave this ghost more time to find us and harm us. Plus, it was more time that Hannah was languishing over the hell she was currently living in. "We can talk about all this later. Right now we need to get to Hannah."

I rounded the last corner. I gestured for Skye to head over to the door and take the lead as she desired. "Remember, we can't open it though."

She nodded, taking the few steps to close the gap to the door. Her head turned back to me though. "I'm positive that when they find him… his first question is going to be where you are and if you're okay. Because it isn't one-sided." With that, she refocused her attentions and gently knocked on the door to the Cage. "Hannah?"

I swung to lean against the wall across from her, crossing my arms and simply supervising. Skye had earned this chance and I wasn't going to rob her of it. "Who's there?" as shaky voice asked.

"My name's Skye. We haven't met yet." She paused, glancing at me. "Ashleigh's here with me too."

"I am," I spoke up. "We're both here for you Hannah."

There was a pause before Hannah spoke again. "We crashed, didn't we?" Skye slid to the floor so her back was against the door for support, looking to me as if for me to answer. I merely nodded my heads towards the door, trust completely in her abilities. She had the biggest heart of anyone I knew after all.

Hannah seemed to take our awkward pause of a silence as an affirmative. "Are you all hurt? I'm so sorry." She sounded like she was about to cry right now.

And Skye jumped, going for it with me there to support her, voice becoming extremely gentle like whenever I was hurt. "No. No, no, no. We're okay. Whatever's happening, it's not your fault. We were wrong." She looked to me and I smiled in confirmation for her to keep going. "But you need to stay in that room so you're safe. Something… bad is out here."

"Demons." Sure seemed like it to the both of us, but we knew we couldn't say it.

Skye shrugged. "I don't know what it is."

There was another hesitation. "Do you believe in God?"

And where I would have come to a screeching halt Skye coasted over with a gentle ease. "Honestly? Not really." It may not have been the best answer for Hannah, but it was probably more comforting than my stating that I hadn't gotten around to considering it yet. At least she had an answer.

"Well, I do. And I know that he's punishing me, and I deserve it."

I wanted to say something, but forced myself to hold my tongue as Skye disagreed as fiercely as I would have. "No. No you don't. No one does." She seemed to have forgotten I was even here now, mind somewhere else completely. "I had a few nuns around me growing up, and they would talk like that, scaring kids with stories of God's wrath." I sometimes forgot how awful Skye's childhood must have been with how bright she was, but this served as a strong reminder of how much sadness and loneliness she had been subject to. I was just glad we had her now.

"The only words that stuck with me were something Sister McKenna said from the Bible, I think. She said 'God is love.' It's simple and it's a little sappy, but that's the version I like. God is love… the thing that holds us together." She considered this a moment as her two audience members did the same. That seemed like the kind of thing I would want to believe in myself. Because I had no clue what His idea for me had been when all this happened, but I would like to imagine it had been a positive need to have these people in my life and be in theirs.

"And if that's true, I don't think he would punish you for making a mistake. I think he'd forgive a mistake."

"And I'd like to believe the same thing," I added, voice almost choking around the words with emotion I hadn't expected to have. Here I was supposed to be the one teaching Skye things, but she was the one constantly teaching me.

"So do I," Hannah admitted from the other side of the door, making just a hint of a smile appear on my face in relief. Coulson had called her broken, but maybe we could help her put things back together. Because she deserved a life after all this- a great one free of stress and worry.

"I'll stand guard now," May emerged from the shadows, making me jump just a touch. "Coulson needs help with the emergency transceiver."

Skye just stared up with her and I started to worry if this was the moment she blew up. It had been coming for a while now, but I had hoped the two would have time to calm down before going another round. "I would rather stay here for a while..."

"It needs to be done, not discussed," May commanded with a very hard edge to her voice. "That's an order." Clearly, May was getting tired of all this as well.

I felt a need to alleviate this and took a step forward. "Skye." She turned to me. "I'll stay here with May. You go help Coulson. He needs you."

She seemed to accept this more easily, though she still wasn't happy in the slightest. "I'll be nearby if you need me, okay?" she said to the door. "Plus, Ashleigh's still here. She'll do anything to keep you safe." She then rose, facing off with May. "Try not to hurt her any more than you already have, Agent May." And with that she strode away, leaving myself and May alone.

I knew May pretty well at this point, her personality at least. I knew when to say things and when to keep quiet and this was certainly one of the quiet times. Plus, she didn't need me to help her through anything emotional. It was clear she was in control of how she felt.

But I cared about her enough I was willing to throw that all out the window to say what she needed to hear. "Skye… I know you don't need me to say this… I do… but Skye is wrong. You are trying to protect everyone on this Bus in any way you can, protect everyone. I see that and I understand that. And you make the tough choices the rest of us quite frankly are scared to make. You are a great Agent, Agent May."

She was silent for the longest of moments, not looking at me. "You're right. I don't need to hear that." I had figured as much. Way to go, Crawford. Just when you were starting to earn some credit for yourself. "But thank you," she added an unbearable minute later, alleviating some of my anxiety about my words. They may not have landed home, but at least they had registered on her radar.

"You're welcome." I then stared at the floor. We were waiting for something, but I wasn't quite sure what or how to handle it if something did come about. I wanted to do more than just let May handle it, but I got the feeling that might be our winning tactic.

"They found Fitz. He was just fine." I looked up towards her and felt my face flush just a bit at the look on hers. My heart was still clenched, but it lessened quite bit at the news at I let out a breath it seemed like I had been holding for forever. Lee was fine. I would see him again when all this was over and fix everything.

But then I was stuck with the fact that there was only one reason she would bring this up and we both knew it.

"You know," I stated simply. She merely nodded. "Probably knew before I did actually."

"It was pretty hard to miss." We fell into silence as I reflected upon her words, wondering who else on this Bus knew. But I forced my mind to return to the mission, the eerie silence and the fact we were just basically waiting to be attacked.

"What exactly should we-?"

The radio in both our hands sprung to life then. There were shouts and cries coming from Simmons along with Fitz sounding just as freaked out. I couldn't pick out one voice from the other, but both were clearly a bit frantic at the situation. At one point Fitz-Simmons turned into solely Fitz who was calmer but not slower. It seemed like whatever we were waiting for had finally decided to show up.

" _Fitz and I were locked in and he attacked Ward-_ "

" _He tried choking Simmons with a wrench but then vanished-_ "

" _Barely even saw him-_ "

" _Was phasing in and out- "_

" _Ward's unconscious-_ "

May started down the hallway in what should be their general direction, myself behind her as I knew she clearly desired from the fact she hadn't looked at me. If she had, that would have meant she wanted me to go first. See, I was starting to get the hang of speaking May. "Talk to me," she spoke into her radio. "What's happening?" Where were Coulson and Skye? Still up in his office?

" _May, he's disappearing_ ," Fitz's voice came through. " _He's passing between worlds. It seems a little of him is returning every times he appears_."

I held down the button on my own radio as we entered the living area, the place illuminated in brief bursts by a single flashing light. "But why is he after us? What the hell does he want?"

" _Because he can't get to Hannah in there_ ," Simmons answered quickly, a little calmer in presenting fact. " _She's safe. If we wait it out, maybe he'll disappear fully._ "

May threw a hand out and we came to a stop, Cheesetauri letting out squeaks of alarm next to me. Her mind seemed to be going a million miles an hour. "Follow me no matter what," she whispered so low I barely heard it. "We need to get back to Hannah."

I nodded, freezing when I heard the creak behind me. He was here. My blood went cold. The room darkened and we remained completely frozen, May clearly figuring out what our next move is.

When the lights came up I could literally feel his breath on my neck as Cheesetauri continued squeaking in alarm. He was right behind us, but May's grip had shifted to my wrist. She was clutching it tight, keeping me rooted right where I was with her. I wanted to run, boy did I want to run. But I knew I wouldn't stand a chance alone. May was my best chance and so I forced every instinct back from my head. I didn't move a muscle, even to breathe.

It was a good thing I trusted May with my life, because right now it was in her hands.

The second seemed like minutes before the lights went dark again. I heard a grunt but by then I had my head forced down by the hand once at my wrist and was being shoved towards the couches. I ducked silently behind one, heart beating so fast I was sure he could hear it. May was right beside me an instant later, hand instantly finding my back again. I swear she could see in the dark.

The light flickered back again and I heard him swing through thin air with a grunt, shocked at how quickly we had vanished. May shoved my back and I creeped along keeping low to the ground as she guided me towards the Briefing Room. Cheesetauri had thankfully seemed to sense the tension of the moment and had quieted, preventing our position from being given away. I could almost cry in relief at that, but there was no time.

The man whose profile I could see started to tear apart a table looking for us but we were already through the Briefing Room and now running for the hallway. I let my adrenaline spike again and went as fast as humanly possible toward the Cage. We only had a few moments before he caught up to us.

May pushed past me to get there first, typing in the code to open the door. My eyes widened as I realized what she was doing. "Simmons said- "

"We don't have time," was her whisper back as she threw the door open. Hannah barely let out a cry as May grabbed her and started leading her down the hallway. I was right behind them, glancing over my shoulder as I swear I heard him coming judging from the boots and a clanging sound. A wrench. He was carrying a wrench. Fitz-Simmons had mentioned that.

We took one of the emergency exits as quickly and quietly as we could, Hannah having the good sense not to speak until we had practically run through the entire clearing and were approaching the trees surrounding it. "What are you going to do?"

"Fix the problem," she answered simply without slowing her stride.

"May, that's not an answer or an option," I made clear, keeping up with them. I didn't want to believe what it sounded like she was doing, but it was pretty hard to ignore. "May, please don't tell me you plan on just leaving her out here to whatever the hell that is? Because that is the type of person the others believe you are, but I know better."

She wasn't slowing. "Ashleigh?" Hannah asked, clearly scared. I gave her a reassuring look which obviously didn't help because she was still being dragged to parts unknown.

"May," I tried to grab even a bit of her focus because I needed her to answer me. I needed to know for sure. "May. May."

We were running through trees now and I could tell she was purposefully not answering. So I answered for her with everything I knew about her, voice rising though still a whisper as I came up next to her. "And I know you're used to doing this alone, but you're not. I have your back. And I trust that you have a plan to save everyone's skin. I trust you. But now I need you to trust me, trust us, and let me in on what's happening so I can cover you as your fellow Agent. And so Hannah can help us rather than think we may be leaving her to a demon."

"I need her as bait," May said finally, barn coming up in front of us about five hundred yards away.

Hannah was crying now. "Well, that's comforting."

"Hannah, it's okay," I tried to reassure her. "Everything's going to be alright. You are in the best hands you could be in right now." I put a hand on her back, gently rubbing it. She calmed down a touch, but not much. "Simmons said if we would have waited he would eventually vanish."

"We don't have that kind of time," May answered. "We need to draw him away from the Bus before he hurts any of them. If I had the option to send you back so you could join them I would."

She was making the tough choice yet again- putting herself at risk of this monster to save everyone. "I wouldn't go," I shot back. "We're finishing this together."

Hannah agreed, summoning bravery I don't think she knew she possessed. "We will. This needs to end. This needs to end before anyone else gets hurt." I knew she'd be on her team if she understood.

"Alright then. We all work together. Hannah draws him out and then two tasks, two of us. I keep her safe and you take him out."

"Agreed."

We stepped into the barn then, knowing he couldn't be too far behind us. May finally released her but I kept my hand on her back. She turned to stare at May, still clearly rattled but tears having stopped. "Then what will you do? To… to take him out?"

"Whatever it takes." And with that, she started for the shadows for the element of surprise. "This will be over soon, miss Hutchins. As soon as he's here, hide and I'll do the rest."

"Okay," she managed.

She then directed her voice towards me. "Do what you have to do, Agent Crawford. And be careful. He's gone after you before."

"Something tells me you won't let him get a hand on me." For the first time, I felt like she was speaking to me as a colleague. But I didn't have any time to let the feeling wash over me, merely banking it in my head for later. I nodded, keeping a hand on Hannah as we stood in the moonlight, now just waiting for the man to arrive. She was shaking but holding firm, playing her part.

Cheesetauri started squeaking, cluing me in that it was time. Sure enough, the air seemed to grow colder and then in a swirl of black smoke a man appeared as he strode towards us. I recognized him immediately with a gasp and Hannah did the same.

"Tobias," she muttered, shocked. "Is that you?"

He didn't get to answer because May came running in from the side and sent him flying into the nearest beam with a cry. I pulled Hannah back and behind me, getting us to a corner as quickly and efficiently as possible. He would come after her if something happened to May and I needed to be ready on the slim chance it did. Remember everything I had been taught. Use protection to my advantage.

It was hard to see what was happening as he and May traded blows. She seemed to be getting some good hits in, but then he started cheating. She held him but he teleported away from her. "Behind you!" I shouted as he appeared again. She turned and tried to deliver a blow, but he was gone again. "Come on, May," I whispered. "Come on." He reappeared and she was in perfect position to throw him over her shoulder, but he was gone again.

He reappeared before my eyes could process, delivering a wrench to May's leg that sent her to the ground. "May!" I shouted. She tried to get up, but was struggling as he towered over her. I wanted to run and help her up, but held firm to my part as Tobias turned towards us.

I took a defensive stance, trying to slow him a bit by throwing the radio I still held in my hands at him. Unfortunately, it went right through him without causing any damage. "Oh, so now we're going to do something," he nearly spat at me, taking me out of the moment briefly. But I pushed away my thoughts and crouched.

He neared and I made my move, charging forward and attempting to kick him in the jaw. He phased right before I connected and reappeared behind me, reaching for a cowering Hannah. I ran at him and threw both my feet out, sending him into a wall as Hannah scrambled out of the corner. Unfortunately, I was not May and landed hard on my back- letting out a cry.

Hannah helped me to my feet as Tobias shook himself free of the wood, feet sliding against the mulch as I tried to get up, both of us backing up together as he stepped towards us. I glanced behind us as let out a sigh of relief when I noticed May had vanished from her spot on the floor. Tobias charged the two of us and I pushed Hannah out of the way, taking it full force and getting a solid hit to the face as he plowed me right into a column and knocked the wind out of me.

He held me pinned against it, hand pushing into my chest with a brutal amount of force. I tried to wriggle free, but it was when I saw his other hand go for the hamster ball that I let out a cry and made my move. I threw my fingers into his eyes as hard as I could, kicking him in the shin with my leg at the same time. It was enough to make him cry in pain and back away from me, hand over his eyes. But he recovered a lot faster than I did unfortunately.

I slid to the floor as he rose the wrench, unable to move quickly enough. Cheesetauri was frantic next to me now, but still safe for the moment. But May tackled him the moment he swung, wrench connecting with the wood rather than my head. The two of them continued to tussle as she swept his legs out from under him and delivered a firm punch to the stomach. Hannah was tucked away again thankfully and went to move towards me. I held my hand out though and tried to force myself to my feet to get back over to her. If only my body felt like cooperating. I was definitely not a Field Agent yet with the limited beating I could take.

May and Tobias were sent hurtling through one of the wooden gates, both twisting atop one another to gain the upper hand. She managed to knock the wrench out of his hand which was a major win for us. I was crawling over to Hannah now, hands and knees getting covered with dirt and grime as I kept an eye on the action. I managed to reach Hannah just as Tobias teleported again, now towering over us as I tucked her behind me. She was screaming, especially as he hefted me to my feet and held me above him by my shirt. He threw his fist back, readying to probably knock me out cold. I just stared right at him, not letting him see how afraid I was. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Luckily, we were both sent to the ground a moment later. May had knocked the ladder loose and sent him tumbling to the ground just in time. He let out a groan as I pushed away from him, adrenaline allowing me to get to my feet without my back screaming in too much protest for the moment. I grabbed Hannah's hand and we ran to May in the center of the barn, her pulling the two of us into an unexpected hug. Like super unexpected.

"It's okay," she comforted Hannah, softness returning again. "It's okay." He was getting to his feet but it didn't scare me as much. We had the upper hand for the moment, the two of us standing firm and knowing we could hurt him. I don't know how much longer I could do this for, but I got the feeling he couldn't last more than a round. So I'd just have to pull for my body to hold onto two myself.

He seemed determined to get her though, like he wasn't ever going to stop no matter what happened. What had him so determined to hurt Hannah? They had worked together. They seemed like they had been friends. "Tell him we won't hurt you," May requested of Hannah.

And then it clicked. May had figured it out. He was trying to get her away from us just like we had been keeping him away from her. He was trying to save her from us.

I had done nothing in the car. I didn't help her. I just sat there and even kept Skye from going out there. I had been part of the problem.

Hannah caught up too, bright as she was, stepping slightly in front of us. I didn't like it, but I trusted her and allowed it. "Tobias, wait. Ashleigh… May… they're my friends."

He stopped, staring at her as if into her soul. "Hannah."

"You have to stop," she continued. "Please."

"Listen," May shot straight with him. "We believe you're trapped between two worlds… this world…"

"And hell," he answered for her, his experiences clear on his face. This had been awful for him as well clearly as he fell to his knees almost with the weight of what had happened. "I'm being dragged to hell for what I did."

Hannah took another step forward and May had to grab my wrist to keep me from following. "What did you do?" she asked, voice trembling.

"Just loosen a few bolts and then you'd visit," he said in way of answer. I felt my breath stop. "It was the best part of my say." He was teary himself now as he looked into Hannah's eyes- forgetting we were even here. "I… I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt."

"Oh no," Hannah gasped, the weight of it hitting her. "Tobias. How could you?"

"I killed them. I know." He was baring his soul to her now. "And even worse, everyone started blaming you. I tr… I tried to stop them."

Hannah was crying again as the moonlight illuminated the tears coming down her cheeks. "But you hurt more people. You hurt Ashleigh and Agent May."

"I was trying to protect you from them, trying to atone for my sin." He looked down and then back up. "Hannah, please, maybe if you forgive me, I won't go to hell." He sounded do desperate it nearly broke my heart. But then I was reminded of how he had almost broken my back and it faded just a touch. Not enough to stop hoping that she said yes and gave him some peace though.

"Only God can forgive you," she answered.

"And he won't," May stepped forward.

I took the few steps as well. "May!"

"You can't undo what's been done," she continued, ignoring me. "That will be with you forever. But trying to hold on to this life, clinging to the person you thought you could be, that's hell." She stepped towards him, casting her shadow over him completely.

I kept my spot but spoke. "And, Tobias, what you're doing… it's only making things harder for Hannah to move on. You can't keep doing this to her. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but she still has her life to live. And you… you need to let her live it." I took a deep breath, tears pricking my eyes at what I had to say next. "I'm sorry Tobias but you missed your chance."

May's attention was drawn behind him and I looked to see an orange globe in the distance. "They're coming," I deduced, half relieved and half afraid. Ward was going to put a bullet through Tobias the moment he saw him.

"Tobias, you need to let go before our people come and make you do it," May addressed him once again. "Let the girl go, Tobias," she said, words that obviously carried weight by the way she said them. They had a history behind them. Tobias turned to Hannah and reached his hand out and in show of bravery I don't know if I possessed myself, she took it in hers. And he stared into her eyes one last time.

"We'll take care of her. She's going to live a great life," I vowed, tears flowing now despite myself.

I heard footsteps behind us and the sound of a gun being cocked. They were here. "Let her go," May repeated. Tobias closed his eyes and the three of us watched as he faded into smoke one last time, Hannah's hand falling through the air to her side. The moment hung there, the three of us just staring as our teammates hung behind us.

"It's over," I broke the silence, relief clear in my voice. "We did it." I saw Skye out of the corner of my vision, making her way towards Hannah.

But Hannah surprised up by whirling around, pulling the two of us into a tight embrace. May and I both hugged her back, the three of us just sharing our relief that we were all safe and the grief of what had ultimately been the cause of this. We had all did our part. She had been the bait. May had fought him back. I had made sure Tobias didn't lay a hand on her. "We make quite the team," I muttered, voice muffled by the hug. The three of us were now a group forged by fire, standing united as our own little team.

Hannah pulled away, glancing between the two of us. "Thank you… both of you. So much. I will never be able to repay you- "

"You being safe now is enough," May cut her off, and I nodded an affirmative to that. With that, May turned to head over to Coulson and Skye moved towards Hannah, eyebrows raised at what she had just seen. I smirked and glanced over towards May.

"It looks like I get to say I told you so this time." She just seemed to reflect on that a moment before pulling Hannah in for a hug herself. Classic Skye.

"Ash!" I barely turned before I was being crushed in one of the tightest hugs I had ever experienced. My best friend sighed in relief, muttering something that I couldn't make out. I wrapped my arms around him as well, settling my head into the crook of his neck where I fit perfectly. My heart finally stopped squeezing, relieved that he was finally here and okay. My world could keep on turning. "Thank God."

He shifted his hand a bit and I let out a yelp of pain at my back. Instantly, he was about three steps back and his hands were up as if trying to calm me. It was like a moment had been shattered and everything crashed back into us. He went from looking relieved to looking worried I was about to bolt for some reason. Like he shouldn't be near me. Our last meeting then came back to me, my leaving him in the hallway and taking off with such fear and anger, and I desperately shook my head. He had to know. He had to understand it hadn't been about him. I wasn't scared of him hurting me. I could never be scared of him. "No. No. Lee, I just… Tobias threw me against a column. I'm just a little sore and you hugged just a little too tight. You're fine. I wasn't- before I was- "

He closed the gap between us again, his forehead almost resting against mine. Like it was just the two of us in a protective bubble. I might have wondered if everyone was staring and what they were thinking, but my eyes were locked on his completely. He was here. He was safe. "We can worry about that later," he said so only I would hear before pulling back so we were a slight distance apart. "Because I am going to spend as long as it takes making that whole awful business up to you."

"You don't have to do that. I'm the one who went all psycho on you."

"You were scared and did nothing wrong. I'm the one who… who made you react the way you did. And it's not something I'm going to forget easily." I went to argue with him, but he shook his head. "For right now, I'm just, uh, glad that you're safe. I was… I was really worried about you. So I'm so unbelievably glad. Especially given your track record as of late."

I smiled. "May took good care of me."

"It looks to me like it went both ways," he remarked.

"Fitz!" Simmons broke the moment, causing the both of us to take a step back as he turned to his best friend. She held up the glowing ball that had led them here. "We need to call the others back. Otherwise, we'll stuck combing through the woods for them all night."

"Coming," he told her. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I'll be right here." With that he stepped away, letting Ward approach me to which I greeted him with a hard punch in the arm. "That was for getting knocked out, you idiot." I quickly followed it with a quick hug before he could respond. "Thank you for keeping your promise."

"Couldn't let you down, Crawford. That's what big brothers are for."

I then stepped past Coulson, May having already vanished, him clearly looking me over for injuries. I don't think I had any obvious ones this time though. Cheesetauri was resting happily at my side now that the excitement was over, giving a small squeak. I stood by the edge of the barn and waited as everything was tidied up and gathered, Hannah making her way over to my side.

"He's cute."

"Hmm?"

"That boy you were hugging," she smiled, her first real smile. She looked exhausted, but here she was smiling once again. "He clearly likes you a lot."

I watched Fitz help Simmons load the suitcase with the glowing orbs, the two of them chattering away to one another like there was no one else in the world. But then he glanced around for a minute, almost worried, before he noticed where I had moved to and seemed to let his shoulders fall in relief. I gave him a wave to show him I was still here and waiting and he waved back. Then he went right back to it as if he hadn't missed a beat.

I smiled, something finally clicking in my brain. "Yeah. He does."

Maybe enough to feel the same way I did.

This day had been a lesson in waiting too long. Maybe it would be for the best if I got everything out in the open and told him how I felt. There were only two answers he could give. The first might break my heart, but then I could move on and still have my best friend. The second- dare I dream for the second. I think I was starting to despite myself.

"What will you do now?" I asked Hannah, trying to stop thinking on myself and focus on the girl next to me. "I'm sure S.H.I.E.L.D. will be happy to take you wherever you want to go. You can pick somewhere grand and new. Start over."

She took a moment before shaking her head. "I actually think that after all this… I just want to go home." She must have been able to foresee my reaction, because she continued before I could speak. "I know how they treated me was wrong. But they've all been through something terrible and need help rebuilding. I owe it to them not for what they've done recently, but for all those years when they've been kind and supportive to me. And I think helping them will help me too. Tobias made a mistake and I can help them all move past it and earn their trust back. It's where I'm needed Ashleigh."

"You are a better woman than I, Miss Hutchins," I said with clear respect for the girl standing next to me. I don't think I could ever do what she was now. She was truly someone pretty remarkable.

The group wrapped up pretty quickly after that and we all hiked back to the Bus, Skye escorting Hannah off to get some rest finally. She had asked Coulson to take her home and he promised to oblige without hesitation, apologizing once again for putting her through this. She had merely shrugged him off and thanked him for his help.

I dropped Cheesetauri off in my room- the little guy had quite the day and seemed content to be home, switched my shirt out for one of my more comfortable sweaters, checked in on Hannah as she slept in Skye's bunk that she was alright, and then made my way to sit with May at the front of the Bus. My back was causing spasms something fierce now, but I feared that if I stopped I would never get back up again. But I came to a pause as I noticed someone else was already in the seat I occupied- Skye.

She was merely sitting in silence, staring out at the horizon. I instantly took a few steps back and gently closed the door so as not to disturb them. This was clearly an important moment and I wasn't going to disrupt it. I could always go up there when she was done.

So instead I made my way up to Coulson's office, almost due to wandering aimlessly. I knocked on the door as he looked up from his paperwork, smiling brightly and gesturing for me to come in.

"Sorry for bothering you. I'm just not quite ready to pump the brakes and settle in yet, but I don't quite know what to do with myself either," I admitted, sitting in the chair across from him. "It's hard to explain."

"I know the feeling well," he comforted me. "Experienced it many times myself. It's a trademark of being an Agent." I smirked at that, watching as he returned to his report. "May gave me her statement on the mission. I will need to take yours eventually as well. Unfortunately, every mention of your name will have to be changed to Agent Ward to keep our cover."

"I'll be so glad when this fake probation is over," I sighed, sick of the trouble Sitwell and Hand had put me in. "Are you mentioning how badly he got his ass kicked? Because I'm sure May mentioned that. I mean, I barely held my own in there."

He stopped writing, glancing up at me. "Has Agent May spoken to you at all?"

I shook my head. "Skye's with her now. I didn't want to interrupt their bonding time. They seemed to be making real progress. I imagine some of that is your doing."

"And yours as well," he credited me. "Now… I am not allowed to relay another Agent's report to you… so as to ensure accuracy and privacy."

Was this some kind of secret test? "I'm aware of that sir."

He nodded. "Good. So I am not able to relay to you that Agent May was nothing but complimentary of your role tonight." My eyes widened slightly, making him smirk. "Because the person she was with not only managed to create a sense of unity that made Hannah much more willing to collaborate and comfortable with the group she was with, but did exactly what she was meant to do in her combat role. Tobias never laid a hand on Hannah Hutchins even when Agent May was down because someone was displaying their greatest strength in protecting others. I also cannot tell you that she called the Agent with her just that- an Agent in every sense."

I found myself unable to speak, completely floored. Just the idea that May had said those kind of things about me… wow. It was enough to make my head spin. I had never been seeking her approval, but having it somehow meant more than I ever thought it would. I was almost tempted to run to that cockpit and just give her a huge hug. But I restrained myself, hands digging into the armrests just to be sure I was anchored where I was. I was also pretty sure I had the dorkiest grin on my face. "No, you definitely couldn't tell me that."

"Good work, Agent Ward," he said wryly, returning to his papers. I stood, having found something here I hadn't been expecting in the slightest. "You did S.H.I.E.L.D. proud today. And I'm certain that will be reflected in assignments in the future."

"I'm not above babysitting though," I made clear, crossing my arms. "Someone has to keep your crazy kids in line, sir." And with that, I headed out back for my room. I was starting to unwind a bit after that talk and my pillow seemed to be calling out to me- at least until we arrived.

I checked on Hannah again- still sleeping- and entered my own bunk by sliding the door open with a groan to be surprised by a figure on my bed. Fitz was sitting across from Cheesetauri, watching the little guy as he drank some water from his bottle. "Can I help you?"

He jumped into the air a bit, spinning to face me. He held some kind of notebook in his one hand, but hid it behind his back before he thought I could see it. "Ash, I was looking for you. But… uh when I couldn't find you I just thought I'd wait here until you… showed up." I took a seat on the bed next to him, leaning against the wall.

"I was just talking with Coulson." And then a silence settled around us. But not the normal silence that usually came with the two of us, but an awkward pressing one that kind of changed the mood of the whole room. Everything seemed to grow more tense and I quickly realized what we were both thinking about. "Lee, it was nothing. I shouldn't have- "

"It was a memory, wasn't it?" He was staring at me intently, almost haunted look in his gaze. Never able to lie to him I nodded, frowning as I thought back on some of what I had experienced when he had scared me. It had all been so… blindingly intense. "We don't have to talk about it."

I shrugged. "Not much to talk about really." I drew up into myself, tucking my chin over my knees. "There were flashes, but I couldn't tell you what any of them were. There were the words, but once again I have no clue what they mean now other than at the moment they seemed important." I thought about the last thing, shiver going down my spine. "And there… there was a man standing over me. But… but I couldn't…" I was pathetically crying now despite myself. "I couldn't tell you who he was or what he even looked like. It was a flash of clarity… but it's all gone now."

He had leaned forward during my speech, head going into his hands. "I did this to you. I'm the one who bloody did this to you."

I didn't want him beating himself up for my crazy. "Lee…"

"No, Ash," he cut me off with a bit of anger. "You didn't… it was meant to be a harmless prank. You'd get scared, but then we'd have a laugh about it later. But instead… instead I made you remember something so awful…" He almost didn't know how to verbalize it.

"Lee, you're right. It was just a joke. I'm the one who let it get out of hand by completely losing my freaking mind." See, I didn't know where the profanity had come from.

"You didn't see yourself," he spoke very slowly, almost in pain. He was doing the thing where he got very jittery in his worry now, and I put a hand on his knee to stop him. "You didn't see how scared you looked… and it was because of something I had done to you. And then you go and vanish while the Bus is being torn apart and I can't find you. I'm just left with that image of you on the floor- an image that isn't going away anytime soon I'll have you know." He seemed to shake even harder despite my efforts. "I hurt you. I hurt you and it makes me so… I hate myself for it." He looked at me again, eyes watery. "I am so sorry, Ashleigh. So bloody sorry."

I leaned towards him, making the small space between us even smaller. I needed to fix this and I needed to fix it now. My hands both clenched around one of his, squeezing it. "Lee… I forgive you." He didn't react and I felt the need to repeat it until it got through his thick, brilliant skull. "I forgive you for what happened. I don't blame you. I don't hate you. I personally see nothing you have to apologize for, but I accept it. And I forgive you." I squeezed his hand again, resting my forehead against his.

He was still for a long time, but finally let out a shuddering breath that seemed to have the weight of the world within it. "You may, but I'm not going to forgive myself for a long time."

"I'll help you with that, okay?" I made clear to him. "Whatever it takes. You are still my very best friend and that comes with all the benefits of teamwork. We're in this craziness together after all." He was silent for a minute, so I decided a change in topic was needed as I backed away. "So what are you hiding from me?"

He fumbled a little, pulling the notebook from behind his back and holding it out to me, completely back to his awkward self a bit. "This… this is the start in a long road of making things up to you. Which I may not abandon ever at this point. Just saying." I shot him a look, but he just put a hand on top of the notebook. "This is a log for your memories, since they seem to be coming back to you in some capacity. I constructed it myself."

"It's a notebook. Did you kill the tree yourself?"

"No, but I fixed it up for you," he responded, opening the book to see it had indeed been labeled with a table of contents and everything. Each page had a heading and room for writing down details and when it had occurred. It was clear he was very serious about this. I wonder how much time this had taken him. "Maybe jotting them down will help you jog some things… or get others off your mind." God, how was he not the sweetest guy ever?

"Thank you," I told him sincerely, grabbing a pen that always rested in his breast pocket. "Now we should start with the one with Thor I had when we were watching things in London."

"Oh, we don't have to do it now… or together. If you don't want to talk about it- "He started to rise, but I yanked him back down.

"Of course we're doing it together." I started to write furiously on the first page about remembering fighting beside Thor. "Okay, so I meet Thor in the future. Nothing too big. Many have done it and I'm sure many will." I flipped to the second before he could even get a word in. "Can I just say that if the second one was like my original personality before the amnesia that I was a very profane human being."

"I certainly wasn't expecting words like that. Everything about you shifted in that moment it seemed. It was like you were a different person," he admitted. Okay, he was talking about it objectively with only some guilt. That was progress.

"Well, I'm me now." I started writing everything on this one as well.

"We should go back to the fact that apparently you fought alongside an Avenger… because that's pretty awesome and worth noting. Maybe Skye was right about you being some kind of superhero from the future."

"I doubt it. But then again, Skye's been on fire with her theories recently it seems." I thought of something then and looked up at him, beaming.

He almost looked uncomfortable. "What?"

I pointed the pen at him. "Skye and I get to play with the hologram table." He sputtered, clearly not having it in the slightest. "You can supervise and it can even be something you're done with." He still hadn't agreed yet so I crossed my arms and looked at him through my eyebrows. "Come on. Then we'll be square in my mind. The rest will be your mental hurdles to get through."

I knew he wasn't going to say no. He knew he wasn't going to say no. "Fine," he agreed bitterly. "But just once for a bit and when Simmons is out of the lab, okay?"

I extended my hand and he shook it, face displaying he was clearly going to regret this.

And I'm not going to lie, he probably was.

XXX

May pulled to a stop outside the house, any sign of the angry mob that had been there hours ago having vanished. Hannah took a deep breath and climbed out of the car, myself following from the passenger seat and walking around to her.

We had landed promptly and when Skye had awoken Hannah from her slumber she had only one request as we returned her to her normal life. She wanted May and I to be the ones who escorted her back. It seemed she wanted us by her side as she took the final steps out of this nightmare and resumed her normal life- our little team coming together one last time. It meant too much for either of us to refuse. Skye had sent her off the plane with a tight hug and some whispered assurances, a little disappointed that she wasn't going with but understanding nonetheless. The ride had been spent in mostly silence as Hannah took her surroundings in with a guarded expression on her face. There was no doubt she had chosen the hard road here, but she showed no desire to turn back and have us whisk her off to France or something. She was extraordinarily brave that way.

We stood for a minute facing the house before she started up the porch, myself right behind her. May had opted to remain in the car, offering a nod to Hannah as she exited. I got it though. Somehow there didn't seem to be the right words. I was struggling myself now and was glad she made the first move by pulling me in for a hug.

"Thank you again for everything," she whispered. "And thank Agent May as well for me too."

"Thank you for your help. You were practically an Agent in there yourself. As much an Agent as I am anyway." I pulled back. "I have a favor to ask though."

"Name it."

"I know you'll be just fine because you're so unbelievably strong, but don't hesitate if you need me to kick someone's ass here for you." And she laughed at that, a real genuine laugh that made her look years younger. The bags under her eyes were staring to fade and she was carrying herself a bit different now- taller. She was beginning to put herself back together and it was amazing to see. I could walk away knowing she was going to be alright.

"I will," she promised and I accepted that, giving her a last quick hug before starting down the stairs back to the car. "Ashleigh!" I turned back towards her. "I have a favor too."

"Name it," I repeated.

She smiled, hugging herself. "Ask that cute boy who hugged you out." There was a lot of meaning behind the words, thoughts of Tobias included. And I didn't even hesitate in nodding.

"I will," I promised, meaning it. I had been thinking about it a lot these last few hours and this just tipped me over the edge. I think I owed to myself at this point to at least find out where he stood before I lost my chance. I mean, he had seen the deepest and darkest parts of me and hadn't run. Instead he had stuck right by my side providing the same support he always did. Being exactly what I needed. Making me happy while I returned it right back.

And if my last memory was anything to go by I could use all the happy I could get.

With a last wave I descended towards the car, only to stop at the fact that May had vacated the driver's seat. I climbed into the vacated position without a word, adjusting the mirrors as I had been taught. She just stared straight ahead, hint of a smile on her face when I started down the street.

And that drive went down in the books as the one where I finally learned how to brake properly. It was actually a pretty simple concept… when you had the right teacher I suppose.

And then she said something to me just before we disembarked, still facing straight ahead. "I have an idea for a prank for Fitz."

"Really? I thought that would be above you," I probed

She didn't take the bait. "I would usually do this sort of thing alone, but I thought I would see if you were interested. If we do it correctly and follow my lead, he will never even know it was us."

I couldn't stop the smile if I tried. "Oh, I'm in."

XXX

 _And there we are. Next episode is the first part of the midseason finale, so expect a lot of excitement and craziness to be happening. I know I am. Thank you again to everyone for all the love and support for the story of Ash and Lee as they continue to grow and face challenges together. I'm looking forward to the second half of our journey twice as much as the first… and don't even get me started on Season Two._

 _Thank you to those who have put this story on their alert list, attempting to keep an eye on my crazy publishing schedule: Akatsuki Cherry Angel, DiDiOthers, world-of-imagination-dreams, and HinaLuv3r109._

 _Thank you to those who have included this story among their favorites for doing me such an honor: Akatsuki Cherry Angel, DiDiOthers, MeemZ101, world-of-imagination-dreams, and HinaLuv3r109._

 _And finally, thank you to my friends the reviewers. Your words are everything and the fact that you come up with something new to say each week astounds me. So thank you: iblamegreenberg, my friend eckles, XxAmyTheGreatxX, TabloidTeen, LeopardFeather, FutureOlympian, MulishaMaiden, AthenaB, NessieBooEvans, Cow-Lover2214, Richelle Manuels, Evangeline Pond, and DreamingOfThatWorld for every word you type. I look forward to our continued conversations._


	21. Stranger Danger

_Stranger Danger_

So there were a lot of reasons a little over a week had passed since my conversation with Hannah and yet Fitz I think remained as clueless to how I felt as ever- though it certainly did not stop the feelings from continuing to grow full speed ahead. Probably because I hadn't even come close to broaching the topic with him. It could be chalked up to a lot of reasons other than cowardice, though perhaps some of the moments were indeed ignored out of a fear of saying anything. It was just complicated. Annoyingly complicated. And there were a lot of things pulling my attention too many ways to keep everything balanced- honestly, not just as an excuse.

One such thing was actually the little jaunt Agent May and I had taken through the woods together. It seemed to have a side effect that I never expected- one that was making my bruises nearly double daily at the moment. And that doubling came from the fact that my time training with her had doubled in the evening as well. Things ached I never knew could ache. Everyone knew to have the ice bags on hand when I emerged from the training room- Skye often holding one out to me as I emerged as she read her research of her possible mom on her tablet. Or if it wasn't her it was Ward- smirk on his face that I wanted to punch off every time he did. Once I even fell onto one of the chairs in the lab while nursing a split lip and unintentionally almost caused Fitz to get his ass kicked as he swore to give her a talking to about roughing me up like that. Simmons and I barely managed to talk him down with our combined efforts, but eventually he seemed to realize this was just how my training was going to be now. May was no longer messing around.

She was finally starting to take me seriously in fact.

She didn't say that of course. May hardly spoke during our sessions other than barking out orders and once offering a slight comment that could be construed as a compliment if I squinted. When she had been training me before I had felt like a tool. She was molding and shaping me so I could live up to the words on my wrist- fulfill my purpose. She would teach me and then maybe when the time came I would maybe stand a slight chance. But now- now I was a person to her. I wasn't just something to mold- I was someone to teach.

There was much more respect in her actions, regarding and teaching me to be an Agent. It seemed our actions in the barn had created something between us that she couldn't ignore. It was almost like we had unexpectedly been through hell together and emerged stronger due to each other to no one's surprise more than ours. And it had made her realize something. She seemed to understand now that she was capable of depending and counting of me for such circumstances. We worked together much easier now- thoughts and actions mixing together in a much more cohesive fashion. We started needing words less and less as we grew closer as weird as it seemed. I knew her nowhere close to Coulson, but I felt like I knew her better than the rest of the lot. I feel like I got to see a May in our training session that no one else did. I saw the one who actually wanted to be part of my team now that I had measured up.

And all this meant expanding my thinking from just fighting and building my strength in punches and kicks to working with her as well as we might be need to in the field- learning a couple of tandem moves that with a large degree of practice we could maybe pull off together. My personal favorite was her sweeping her leg out at her assailant while I jumped over her to kick them same attacker in the chest before rolling off to the side for the next strike. I had yet to stick the landing, hence the split lip, but I was getting better. And that was all she seemed to look for- moving forward even if it was extremely slow.

The other new part of our time together was the fact that she trusted me enough to put a firearm in my hand- something I knew would never come about unless she trusted me completely. I had not fired it yet, more time being spent on learning the ins and outs of every part of it. It also involved learning how to hold and aim it- every part of my posture critiqued and adjusted and held until my muscles were screaming. She wanted me to know what I was doing, a very understandable desire when putting me in the field with something that could do an awful lot of damage. I needed to treat the situation with every degree of maturity I had… and not just pull it out whenever Ward pissed me off. It wasn't allowed to leave the room with me just yet, but I was hopeful that if we continued on at this pace the day would come sooner rather than later. And then I could really advance leaps and bounds in my capability to keep my team safe. I was ready to have something to back my words up when they failed. May actually seemed to have more faith in my abilities than I myself had actually. I was still worried about hitting a foot when I was going for the chest honestly.

Cheesetauri was still always present at my hip and I was adjusting to his weight and presence just as much as he seemed to be adjusting to getting tossed all over the place. It hardly seemed to faze him at all these days- he just sat in there nibbling on the cheese I provided before I walked in. It was starting to become normal life for him.

So not only was I spending more time with May but I was spending more time recovering from what May was putting me through. I swore I was using most of the hot water trying to soothe my aching muscles in the shower. Thankfully, no one had revolted about that yet. I also spent more time in bed, trying to get some of that energy back through short naps. It really cut into my options for asking Fitz the question that constantly dwelled in my mind in free moments.

The second thing was actually that we hadn't had the opportunity to hang out alone since he had given me the notebook like I felt this conversation needed to be held in. Skye and I hadn't even had our chance to play with the hologram table yet even. I had looked for the opportunity for both, but Simmons seemed to always have a job that needed the both of them in the lab. Or when it wasn't the lab it was something that needed to be looked over. Coulson seemed to have a desire to get to the bottom of Centipede these days now that our Thor-inspired distractions were over and a lot of new things were in development so we could be ready when we faced them again. Things that always seemed to require Simmons being with Fitz and for his head to be very focused on the science he was conducting. It was at the point where I heard him muttering equations in his sleep from the bunk next to me like a skipping record repeating the same parts over and over. Sometimes I'd smack the wall just to jolt him enough to get him over the two numbers he kept repeating. In some ways it was kind of soothing to fall asleep to though, knowing he was right on the other side of the wall. And thinking that just served as another sign to the fact that these feelings were not fading any time soon.

He still felt horribly guilty every time I saw him though. He wasn't saying it out loud, but there were moments of hesitation when he had to reach around me or went to put a hand on my arm or back. He would just freeze before shaking his head clear and proceeding. I wanted to call him out and lecture him every time he did, but I knew it would do no good. He just needed time to forgive himself. Maybe that was another reason I was holding off- if he said yes I didn't want it to be out of some obligation created by his own guilt. I wanted it to be real.

It wasn't just me though so I tried not to be paranoid. Simmons was keeping the both of them from practically everyone at this point. They both had missed our game of Scrabble that even Coulson would put in an appearance for. Ward, Skye, and I started watching _The Lord of the Rings_ without them despite the fact it was their idea to do those next. I had been willing to wait, but they insisted we go on without them. Those were also a huge drain on time, because my God were they long. Very good, but long. Ward didn't seem too interested, but sat through all three helping me wrap my mind around some of the more complex moments. I think part of it was spending time was Skye naturally, but the other part seemed to be this desire to just be around his team members more. He had slowly been becoming part of the group and the transition seemed to be reaching its final point now. Where before he wanted nothing to do with us- now he wanted to be around us and have human interaction. And he did it with a smile on his face.

So my interactions with Fitz had generally been very surface and very brief. I'd run down with his breakfast and we'd have a brief chat about what they were working on or the movie I had watched the previous night. But then he'd insist on going over to help Simmons who was working on things outside her realm and needed him before she electrocuted herself. And then I'd stand there for a few moments while they lapsed into the fast talk that I couldn't understand even if now I was capable of hearing them all. I'd excuse myself and stop be a few more times just to say hello, both of them giving me a smile and a wave before returning to work.

Part of me wondered if Simmons could somehow sense what I was trying to do- a real paranoid part of my brain myself and Skye insisted I don't listen to. She still treated me in exactly the warm, friendly manner she always had. We were friends and this idea that she was trying to make Fitz choose between the two of us was absolutely ridiculous. Like I said the two of them were generally keeping themselves isolated from everyone- it wasn't just me. I needed to stop making this all about me. It was just bad timing was all and I would almost get sick of my own thoughts when they drifted in that direction. I shouldn't be thinking this way about one of the only friends I have. So I desperately tried to push them out of my head, but they would always come creeping up the next time Simmons was calling Fitz over.

Next was keeping Skye sane. It seemed like every day now she would come running up to me in my bunk flashing a picture of a new female Agent who could have been the one to drop her off- the one who could be her mom. I spent countless hours comparing features between her and the picture of the day, speculating what could have possibly happened that she needed to be left so suddenly. It also meant I had to be the one to reign her in at times when she seemed to go a little overboard, reminding her that this was all just speculation. It seemed like I broke her heart a little every day at this point, but I didn't know how else to be a better friend. I wanted her to have hope, but not to get it up so high that she would end up disappointed. I didn't want her to give up, never, but I did want her to take it slow and be sure before she became too attached to someone. I didn't want her to get hurt.

One day I stopped by her bunk to hear her listening to a girl singing about growing up and staying little forever. She lay on her bed just staring at the ceiling with one of the most somber reactions I'd ever seen her wear. So I did the only thing I felt I could do- laid down right next to her and spent the whole afternoon just listening to song after song by this girl- some upbeat and some absolutely breaking your heart. It was the only time Skye allowed herself to be hopeless about the situation- those few hours. And I made sure I was right by her side for the whole ride.

When she finally sat up and patted my knee with a smile before pulling out her computer I knew she was right back into it again. Her moment of wavering had passed and now she was not going to stop until she got to the bottom of this. I don't know where Skye got her endless optimism from, but it was pretty inspiring. I listened to every thought and theory, weighing in and talking through things with her. We didn't seem to be any closer, but we didn't plan on stopping anytime soon.

After that day, I bought everything that girl we had been listening to, Taylor Swift, had ever sung, even though Skye told me she was a guilty pleasure and I might be mocked for liking her. I downloaded it all onto the music player Coulson had provided me with and soon had all the lyrics memorized as I listened to them pretty much on repeat. I hoped he wasn't starting to regret giving me unlimited funds for music. He hadn't mentioned it yet at least. And I thought of Skye every time I listened to it and let her determination rub off on me as I put in the extra time punching that bag and building myself up.

Johnny Cash was still my favorite though by a large margin.

The final aspect was actually something I hadn't been expecting in the slightest. Upon learning this whole future business, May had promised to try and get in contact with Hill for a meeting with Fury. I don't think the three of us expected anything to come of it. Which was why I was surprised when Ward walked in a week after dropping off Hannah to a training session between May and I with a very serious expression- though it didn't stop him from observing with a raised eyebrow as I managed to catch May a little off guard and nearly get a hit in.

"What can I do for you, Ward?" I asked, tossing May her water while I chugged from mine.

"Coulson needs you up in his office right now," he informed me in a tone that made the urgency clear. I nodded, using a towel to wipe off my sweat quickly. "He has the Director on the line, but he only has a few minutes before 'more pressing matter than the Crawford girl' need his attention." With that, I moved even faster and practically sprinted up the stairs. Getting this audience was a big deal and I knew it. I didn't want to miss my window, knowing if I did it would be near impossible to get another one.

"I'm sorry, Coulson, but I don't have time right now to discuss the matter… even for you," I heard the booming voice from the screen before I stepped in, unusual softness to it. "We're still dealing with the aftermath of Thor right now around the world it seems. You know how that is better than most."

"I certainly do, sir," Coulson replied, clearly disappointed. "I would like to speak to you when you have an opportunity though about something important to me."

"It's noted, Coulson." I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. It sounded like Coulson was having difficulty getting his questions answered whereas Fury seemed to talk to me as soon as I needed him. And here everyone was claiming Coulson was the Director's favorite. That didn't add up to me in the slightest, unless he had really odd ways of showing his favoritism such as by ignoring the person completely.

With that, I knew I couldn't afford to hover anymore and stepped into the office. Fury, eyepatch just as I remembered him, locked his eyes on me as soon as I stepped in front of the screen. I then realized I was probably soaked and wearing a tank top with shorts, mouse strapped to my hip in his ball. I must have been quite the sight to a man used to everyone dressing to impress him.

"I heard you only had a few minutes," I said in way of an answer. "Didn't want to waste a moment of your time."

"And I heard you've been looking for me," Fury responded, moving on. "How's probation suiting you?"

"Completely uneventful," I lied, sparkle in my eye. "Haven't left the Bus."

"Shame really," Fury nodded, a small hint of a smile there. "It seems that has made Agent Ward work so hard it almost seems like he's in two places at once according to the reports crossing my desk."

I shrugged, unable to hide my smile now. "What can I say? He's a very talented Agent." I then knew I needed to get to the point. Who knew how long I had. "I wanted to speak to you about where I think I came from, sir."

"Hill mentioned as much. May seemed to convince her it was important enough that we see each other in person rather than her relaying the message. So I can say I'm quite looking forward to what you have to say. It's not often someone has me in suspense."

Funny, he didn't seem to be in suspense. He seemed to be as calm and collected as ever. I almost wondered if he knew exactly what I was going to say. "When I spoke to Agent Sitwell in what was a meeting on his part I'd like to remind you- "

"Crawford," Coulson nudged me back on track. "We've covered this."

"Right. Anyway, he mentioned that he ultimately came to a theory about how I was able to arrive in your office- one he said he had presented to your skepticism." Fury didn't say anything. "The one that afterwards you shut down investigating me." Still nothing. He was going to make me say it. "The fact that he believes I came from the future."

"That theory- "

"Was beyond your ability to believe it, I know," I cut in, needing to get to the point. I need to lay it out. "I told him as much. But then Randolph, the Asgardian professor said that he knew from the moment he met me I was out of my time. That I seemed to have a big sign on me that screamed I was from the future. And what had once seemed ridiculous… actually kind of started to seem possible. And it might have been a waste of time to call you about this, but I get the feeling you might know something. And that's the real reason you shut down the investigation, because you didn't want Sitwell to be proven right… for my sake or for yours or for some great big scheme you've been cooking up."

"I'm sorry, Miss Crawford, but I cannot- "

"I deserve to know," I cut in once again, fists clenching. I was not in the mood for his games at this point. Coulson put a hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off. "This is my life- one I cannot remember a lick of. It has been months, but there is still nothing. It's not coming back," I admitted my deepest belief. "It won't ever come back. If you can help me… it's the right things to do, sir. Because your secrets may have secrets but I'm not going to be one of them. Not when it comes to something that may affect my capability of fulfilling my mission." I glanced down at the tattoo. "I thought I could just drop this and move forward with who I was now. Be an Agent. But now the mission I was sent here to do… it might be more important than I realized if this much trouble was taken. So I need to understand me first. I get that now. I can't save him unless I know what's really going on."

He was silent for a long minute. I was honestly waiting for him to just dismiss me and hang up. I kind of deserved it after that outburst. I was in hot water as it was, but here I stood accusing him of lying and demanding answers. But I was fired up. Skye's determination to get to the bottom of things now seemed to be flowing through me too now.

"While Agent Sitwell was doing his investigation, I had another group working on analyzing something interesting we found in my office one day." I realized I was holding my breath as he continued. "It was particulate that had been found by myself, though the scientists didn't know where it came from or the case it pertained to." Fury, you two-timing minx. "The results were startling, so we compared it to particulate on the shoe of a person I suspected to be involved in the matter." He was being his usual self, steering us in circles rather than being straight, but any information was appreciated. "They matched perfectly. The results, unfortunately, were destroyed though. And it seemed pointless to do anymore research. The subject was thus closed at my order."

I crossed my arms. "Unfortunate indeed."

"I still have the sample locked up though," he made my heart stop. Like literally stop. My arms fell back to my side like limp noodles. "I'm not saying I want the case reopened, but I would be willing to submit it for your analysis. Any conclusions you draw would be yours alone and not entered into any official form of S.H.I.E.L.D. records."

"We would appreciate that very much," Coulson answered for me.

I nodded, but felt myself hesitating. "Director… why are you going through all this trouble to protect me? What are-?"

"I have to go," Fury announced, making it clear I was never getting the answer to that question. "The sample will arrive to your landing location in the next day. Have Fitz-Simmons take a look at it." He leaned forward just a touch. "And Miss Crawford… just know that answers can be both a blessing and a curse. It is your right to know, but now it also becomes your responsibility when you understand." And with that cryptic outburst he hung up, leaving myself and Coulson staring at a blank screen. I turned to him, eyebrows furrowed.

"It just doesn't make any sense, sir. The more I think about it and what I could be…" I faltered, trying to find the words to express my thoughts. "He…he seems to think I'm not important. He doesn't care what I get up to with the team in the slightest. But then why is he going through all this trouble of hiding things? Why is he doing all this for someone so unimportant he shut down the case? Why does he answer when I of all people call?" I put a hand to my head. "He's making everything so confusing."

"He has his reasons," was the only answer Coulson offered.

"Are you telling me that… or yourself?"

He smiled sadly. "Both of us I suppose." He then went over to his desk. "I'll let them know where we plan to land so that sample can arrive and make sure it takes priority in the lab."

"Thank you, sir," I nodded. "I know we've been hard at work developing methods for Centipede, so I appreciate you taking some time to help me out."

"It's not a problem."

"It still means a lot. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go try to land a hit on Agent May. I'm getting closer than ever and I think I might just have something."

"Have fun," he called after me as I started back down the stairs, passing Ward as I entered the living room.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Better than I expected. Though I think we're going to find out the full extent in a few days." I started away but paused. "I'm so close to hitting her," I addressed his attention earlier. "It took a while to figure out, but I think I might be able to land a hit in the next few days if my luck holds out." I couldn't help from smiling at my pride in myself.

"Go get her," he encouraged, sending me off.

I didn't land the hit that day, but I came really close.

The sample came the next day and Coulson promptly took it down to the lab. I managed to get a look when Fitz-Simmons had their backs turned with something overheating, but it just looked like a handful of rocks to me. I don't know what we were supposed to gather from looking at them. Skye seemed excited beyond belief- making Simmons chase her away when she nearly opened the bag to look at the 'future rocks' as she called them up close. Fitz seemed pretty excited as well, though he said the test was much in Simmons's realm than his. He would come and grab me the moment they knew something though. I would just have to wait I suppose- hardly getting any sleep that night even with Fitz muttering next to me.

The next day I threw on one of my button-up sweaters, a striped tan and yellow one, and laced up my sneakers with my hair tossed up in a ponytail. Cheesetauri was attached to my hip, nibbling some cereal I had scattered in his ball. I took the longer way to the lab with two bowls of cinnamon oatmeal I had prepared myself in hand, descending the metal staircase of the cargo hold. I reached the bottom just in time to see May handily flip Ward onto his back, bringing a smile to my face.

"Glad to see someone's capable of showing Ward how it's done," I quipped, glancing to see the lab was curiously empty- tools and experiments scattered haphazardly on just about every surface. I don't think I had seen it like that in weeks.

"Keep running your mouth and I will show you how it's done," Ward shot back, smile on his face not making his threat intimidating in the least. "Unless you think you can take me?"

"Maybe one day I will," I rose to the challenge before holding the two bowls up. "But it is not today and I acknowledge that. Where's Fitz-Simmons?"

Ward shrugged as he started to his feet. "Nice feint," May complimented him. "I read your file. I know you favor your left."

"That's in there?" he questioned, stepping towards her. "What else?"

"I would like the answer to this as well," I chimed in, noticing Ward take a step away from her and look down. Weird. "Anything I can exploit."

She shrugged. "Nothing that's news. You don't play well with others."

I came up next to Ward. "Well, you do have to admit he's made excellent progress. See how he's tolerating the fact that I'm standing next to him right now- he's really turned things around and I applaud him."

"You're ridiculous," was all Ward offered on the subject, mood seeming to have returned to normal. "And if you can't find Fitz I would be happy to take care of that for you." He reached for the bowl, but I twisted away.

"Go make your own. This is Best Friend oatmeal, reserved for persons who answer to the name of Lee."

"Towel down," Coulson ordered from above us before Ward could speak again. "I need all of you in the command center in five."

I saluted the two with the bowl still in my hand, having an idea where my genius had vanished to. "Duty calls. See you two in five." I started up the stairs slowly, nearly spilling one of the bowls on the way. I proceeded to the command center to find just the three people I was expecting.

I stuck one of the bowls in front of Fitz with a smile. "Don't complain if it's cold. If you were where you're supposed to be…"

"We have a mission briefing," he countered, taking it from me and starting into it immediately.

"No excuse," I shook my head before starting on my own breakfast. It wasn't Pop Tarts but it would have to do. "Not bad if I may say so myself." I looked up to see Skye staring me down. I rose an eyebrow and she just nodded towards Fitz. I knew it had been a mistake to tell he my plans. I shook my head and she let out a sigh just as May, Ward, and Coulson entered.

Our leader took the front and faced us, glancing at Fitz and I having our breakfast. "I feel like you two never stop eating."

"We need the fuel," I answered with a full mouth.

"We work hard," Fitz backed me up with his mouth full as well. Coulson just shook his head before hitting a button on the holocom to display a video on the wall behind him as well as on the table. It seemed to show a normal meal at some sort of prison before suddenly the ceiling started to fall in at various point.

"Whoa," I gasped in a mix of shock and awe, leaning forward. Ward stuck a hand out to keep me from tipping the bowl as well. "Thanks."

"At 08-00 hours, three men infiltrated the Havenworth federal penitentiary," Coulson began, stepping around the table to stand beside us.

"Infiltrated?" Skye questioned. "More like cannonballed." I had to agree. It seemed to be a little more than necessary.

"They were in an out in less than two minutes," Coulson continued detailing. "Left no prints at the scene, but we do have one lead." He threw a zoomed in shot up on the screen, revealing a very familiar orange device implanted in one of the gentleman's arms.

"Centipede," Ward spoke up before anyone else could. Looks like we meet again.

Coulson displayed some pictures from our previous mission, including one of Chan. "Seems the salvaged some of their research from Hong Kong," he agreed.

"Has the scientist we captured there said anything?" I inquired.

Coulson nodded. "We know the plan was successful in using Chan's platelets to solve the combustion problem we encountered. Other than that, it seems she wasn't let in on their ultimate plan."

"Now they can create super soldiers with no fear of explosion," Simmons said almost in amazement, earning a nudge from her other half.

"Maybe don't get so excited about it," he warned her.

"Two of Centipede's labs have been destroyed, but they keep popping back up," Coulson reminded us with wariness and a hint of exhaustion. "Now they have at least three of these guys, maybe more."

"Who did they break out?" May inquired.

Coulson threw a picture of a larger, grumpy looking bald man up on the screen. "Edison Po, former Marine- expert in tactics and rapid response. He fell off the grid in '08, reappeared eighteen months ago at a diner in Boston."

"Where he stabbed a friend's eyes out," Ward read, eyebrows rising.

"With a steak knife," Coulson added. "Then finished his meal."

Fitz glanced down at his half-finished bowl. "Well, I'm not hungry anymore." I snatched it from him then, shrugging when he shot me a look of shock as I started into his.

"More for me."

"Po doesn't look crazy," Skye questioned, earning a look from all of us. Fitz seized this moment of perplexed silence to steal his bowl back from my hands. "I'm kidding. The guy is a walking mug shot." Good. She still had her sense about her.

"Which means he shouldn't be too hard to track down," Coulson replied. "Finding Po and these Centipede soldiers is a top priority for S.H.I.E.L.D. We'll be running point, but we won't be working alone."

Oh, I don't know if I liked that. I only trusted six people and they were all right in this room. "What team did HQ send for back-up?" Ward asked curiously, obviously flipping through options mentally.

"Not a team… a person. Someone who can help us fight fire with fire."

"I swear if the next words out of your mouth are Sitwell or Hand I'm jumping off this plane," I felt compelled to add, mind fearing the worst.

"She probably will," Skye and Fitz voiced at the same time.

"It is neither of those… thankfully," he added.

"Is it someone that we know though?" Skye asked.

Coulson cut right to the chase. "It's Mike Peterson."

Silence. Like creepy silence. May was staring Coulson down, Ward and Skye were reeling, and Fitz-Simmons seemed to be running all the ways this could end up with us dead. It was a pretty long stretch of creepy silence at that. And I always felt the compulsion to be the one who broke creepy silences.

"You mean the one who gave me a concussion with a van door?" I let that sink in for a moment before speaking again, voicing my disbelief. "That Mike Peterson?"

Coulson sighed. "He's been in training just as much as you have, Agent Crawford. We all made mistakes at first." And just like that I was out of this fight. I couldn't argue with that.

"We had to shoot him," Fitz reminded him. "And now they… they want us to just let him hang around with us… the ones who shot him."

"The ones who saved his life," Coulson countered. "There will be no negotiating on this. I'm going to talk to him and then once he has arrived and we have re-supplied with everything we need we will depart. While I'm gone I want Skye looking into Po and anything we can use to find him. Fitz-Simmons, look into the Centipede soldiers and what we know about this new formula." With that he started out of the room. "And remember, treat him with the courtesy you would any other Agent. You are representing myself. Crawford- "

"I will keep the kids in line, sir," I agreed, knowing where this was going. With that he departed to get our guest- someone who definitely wasn't even close to my trust list. I mean I know that whole ordeal wasn't his fault, but excuse me for being wary when last time I had a freaking car door slam into my brain. Outside the virus I think it was the highest on my list of injuries- boy, it was a long list.

"I don't understand how you're as new at this as I am and yet you get to be the oldest kid who babysits," Skye commented as she leaned against the table and pulled me from my thoughts. May took her exit and Ward followed, probably to get himself cleaned up and ready to fight Peterson for even looking at any of us funny.

"I just have an air of maturity about me is all," I smirked, earning a fond eye roll from Simmons.

Simmons! The sample! I had forgotten with all this excitement.

"Jemma, what did you find with what Fury sent us?" I inquired and suddenly all eyes were on the scientist. Skye and Fitz were clearly just as curious about the topic as I was.

She looked down. "I'm sorry Ashleigh. I know Coulson said to do it as soon as possible, but I haven't even had the chance to touch it yet."

"Oh," was all I uttered, feeling my heart sink.

She stepped up to me, putting a hand over mine. "I swear as soon as this mission is over that I will make it my primary focus. I will do nothing until I get to the bottom of Fury's intention to send it to us." I looked into her eyes for a moment, seeing nothing but sincerity, before nodding. "I'm so sorry to disappoint you like this."

"It's okay. It's not that urgent anyway," I pulled her in for a hug to show her I wasn't angry in the slightest. I could understand the idea of having no time when there was something I kept putting off as well. To do anything other than accept that would be hypocritical.

"You're too kind," she pulled away with a sad smile. "I'm going to the lab to start digging. I will see you in a bit." She exited the room with a look at Fitz and Skye went to follow, probably intending to about to her search.

I went to do the same, intending to wash these bowls out, but was stopped by Skye barring me. She nodded towards Fitz, who was still glancing at the screen with interest. No. Not now. I furiously shook my head, earning a hard look from her. No. I held the bowls up, but she merely snatched them and turned me around hastily. She cleared her throat loudly, causing Fitz to turn our way, and then shoved me into the room before disappearing.

I took a few steps forward, mind literally screaming. Play it cool. You could do this. It was just you and Fitz- a completely normal situation. This was how you wanted it. I walked up to the table and tapped it a few times absently as I worked how to do this. "So… alone at last?"

That was absolutely the worst. Literally the worst. And I had somehow made it a question… God I was an idiot.

"I know," he laughed. Then he got that familiar frown- the thinking he's let me down frown. "I'm sorry. Things have, uh, been busy in the lab. The last thing we want is to be unprepared when we go against Centipede."

"It's fine Lee," I made clear. "You're doing what you can to keep us safe." I held up my wrist. "I could never fault anyone for that."

"Still… I promise you and Skye will get to work the hologram table once this mission is over and we have a free moment. Hopefully, we'll get to the bottom of things and, uh, Centipede will be behind us."

Free moment. Wait. That sounded good. "I have a favor to ask." I took a breath. "The serious kind."

He was instantly somber, knowing I didn't say those words lightly. "Name it."

"When this mission is over, you and I… I have something I want to ask you. Something I've been trying to ask you for over a week now. But it's something I kind of need your… full attention for and I really… haven't lately. Not completely. But again that's not your fault. And it wasn't urgent or anything." I was pretty sure I was just sputtering now. "But it's a private, personal thing and- "

His hand grasped mine. "Ash… the second this mission is done you and I will stow away somewhere no one can find us and you can… ask away." I felt my cheeks heat up and I prayed he didn't notice. "I'm sorry I've made you wait this long."

"Like I said… it's not urgent. Don't fret too much, okay?" I went to pull away, but he held me in place.

"On the off chance Mike Peterson… if… he's not going to hurt you again. I promise."

He was absolutely sincere. I could see it on every part of his face. And I felt a surge of hope at this conversation we were going to hold after all this. "I know," I answered, squeezing his hand. I pulled back then, hand going through my hair. "You're too good for me, you know that?"

"I think it might be the other way around, Ash," he responded as I backed out of the room, heading straight for Skye's bunk. She was one her computer looking into Po and I dramatically fell onto her bed.

"I didn't ask." I heard a huff and rushed to get something in before the lecture started. "But I did give myself a deadline. We are having a private conversation as soon as the mission is over. And he's so serious that there's no chance of me backing out. So there's that at least."

She paused, seeming to mull this over. "I suppose it's progress." And she went back to her research as I stared at the ceiling, but not before taking her tablet and hitting a few buttons so the room was filled with the sounds of Taylor Swift. It was the perfect kind of music for these moods really.

After about an hour of not finding much on Po and keeping Skye on task rather than drifting back through files on her possible mother, the two of us got a little restless just sitting around and made our way back to the command center to check on things. Fitz-Simmons had returned and it seemed Ward had freshened up and was now reviewing a video. I stepped up next to him to see it was of Mike Peterson and the girl he had first saved. The video that started everything.

"It's not good," he voiced, throwing it up on the larger screen. The man was clearly in a mood. "At all." And I agreed with him completely, but it was hard to ignore how his evidence wasn't helping his case. So I gave him a look, gesturing to the fact he was literally saving someone before our eyes, and he got a bit defensive. "The guy was a ticking time bomb I'll have you recall… literally."

Fitz shook his head. "HQ wouldn't have sent him if he was still combustible. They must have found a way to stabilize him somehow?" Skye placed her head on her chin in contemplation.

"They stabilize his attitude?" Ward questioned. And though the man had good points he wasn't getting them across very well.

"He was a hostile back in Union Station," I added. "The kind that threw van doors at people."

Simmons groaned. "This again. Alright, it's not like we haven't opened up our doors to other people… people with questionable track records," she added with a look at Skye and myself.

"Point made," I put my hands up, surrendering. "I will stop with the van door."

"Not cool, but true," Skye conceded as well. "And don't worry about Mike. He's a good guy."

"Who's been in the Centipede program," Simmons bolstered her words.

"Exactly," Skye continued their rally. "He can give us some superpower backup."

"You did spend more time with him than anyone," I recalled, allowing myself to be slightly won over.

"Yes," Simmons agreed.

Ward didn't seem convinced as he spoke though. "Just saying, this could easily go sideways."

I crossed my arms, drinking the Kool-Aid and joining the Peterson Party to a degree. "So could a lot of things. We practically live in sideways."

Ward failed to notice a very nicely dressed Mike Peterson enter behind him with Coulson as he continued his thought. "I mean, the last time we saw this guy, he was a raging homicidal maniac…"

I made a slashing gesture against my throat for a moment while clearing my throat, and Ward stopped as he noticed everyone's attention had drifted to behind him. "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?" All we could do was nod and slowly Ward turned to face the man he had taken down.

Coulson spoke proudly as he addressed Mr. Peterson, gesturing to each of us. "Mr. Peterson, this is Agent Grant Ward. He's the man who shot you at Union Station." Ward just stared. "Fitz-Simmons designed the weapon he used." The two of them gave small waves in tandem. "Crawford was injured in your struggle when you fled."

I stepped up and shook his hand, forcing away my previous feelings. I had to trust Coulson on this one. "It's a pleasure to meet you properly." I saw him glance down at the mouse. "This is Cheesetauri. We're a package deal these days. Don't worry about the concussion thing. If I had a dollar for every time I got injured I would be Tony Stark." He smiled kindly at me, putting me slightly more at ease. He seemed very different at least.

"And I think you remember…"

"Kidnap victim," Skye gestured to herself with a chuckle. I couldn't help but do the same. Man, that all seemed like so long ago. Back then Skye was just a stranger in a van and now… now she was the closest thing to a sister I had.

Mr. Peterson looked at her in shock. "You joined S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

Skye fiddled with her sweater, a bit awkward. "Yeah. Turns out, guys in suits… not so bad." That's my girl.

Mr. Peterson now looked us all over, taking a deep breath to steady himself. Here we were nervous to meet him, but he seemed more scared of us. "Look, I know Union Station could have gone another way. Another team might not have let me out of there alive." Oh. I'd hate to think of that. "I owe you… all of you."

"That's bygones and water under a distant bridge far away," Skye quipped with a laugh. "How's your son?"

"Still with my sister. He thinks I'm working construction, but he's good… happy."

"Good," I repeated, patting him on the shoulder and trying to put him more at ease. It seemed to work a touch, though I think Ward's hard stare wasn't helping.

"So, what do we have?" Coulson inquired of Skye.

"Not much on Po," she admitted. "I checked his previously known addresses and old military contacts… came up empty."

Coulson pondered this. "We've been looking for where Po might be on the outside. Let's look at his life on the inside… at the prison. See if that gets us any leads." He turned to Fitz-Simmons then. "Anything on the Centipede soldiers?"

"We found a facial recog match on one of them," Simmons informed us. I had no clue what that was, but I could take an educated guess.

"Name's Brian Howard," Ward continued. "Stationed in Afghanistan for three years, then fell off the radar when he got back." He threw up a picture of an average man in uniform- like perfectly normal.

"Only living relative is a sister, Laura," Simmons threw up a picture of a nice blonde girl. "We found out that she is currently a Sophomore at the University of Ohio."

"She's our best shot at finding Hayward," Coulson caught on as he turned to Ward. "You and I will take Crawford and go talk to her." Alright. Here we go. "Have May set a course for Cleveland." Ward headed to do just that. "The rest of you are dismissed for now. Skye, keep looking." And then he was on his way to his office while Fitz-Simmons took off for the lab and Skye started typing away at the holocom. I turned to Mike and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Will you be alright here with Skye? Or can I get you something?"

"I'm fine right here."

"Okay then. Give a holler if you need anything." I proceeded to the lab then, pulling up a stool next to Fitz as he soldered away at something, making me put on a pair of goggles as well. He seemed to be working on some sort of monitoring device while fabrics were scattered across the rest of the table. I felt one and was surprised at how sturdy it seemed. He must have been making a suit of some kind. Simmons was over in a corner typing away frantically at a computer- glancing at me for a moment before going back to work. It was pretty much silent in the lab and I found myself somewhat hesitant to break it.

So I looked this way and that, trying to keep my mind occupied with what I could say to Laura when I met her that wouldn't totally freak her out. And then I couldn't help but notice something on one of the tables that caught my attention. It was the bag we had received from Fury, but something was different about it.

I slowly rose to my feet, trying not to draw attention. "Where are you going, Ash?" Fitz asked immediately. "I was hoping to show you the fabric I put together for a suit for Mr. Peterson. It has ten layers of treated materials. Ten!"

"Just… taking a tour about the room to stretch my legs. I'm just not in a sitting mood. I will be right back though to hear all about it because I cannot wait," I answered sincerely. Fitz talking science to me seemed to make him unbelievably happy, and I was all for Fitz having that smile on that lit up his entire face. It made my heart melt every time. He nodded, going back to his work as I went around the outside edge of the room. Apparently this kind of behavior from me wasn't odd. Interesting.

I tried not to come to a full stop at the bag, just pause for a moment as if noticing it for the first time. And my suspicions were immediately confirmed. The bag had to be about half empty from what we had received. I glanced over at Simmons, trying to get a peek at what she was working on. Maybe this is what had her so focused. Of course I couldn't understand any of it.

"Any results yet?" I asked to get her attention. When she turned to me I gestured to the bag. "I can't wait for the exciting news." She was just staring at me, making me feel a little awkward. "Future or bust," I tried, pumping my arm.

"Ashleigh, I promised you I would look at that sample thoroughly when this mission is over. Right now I'm pretty wrapped up in Centipede's formula at the moment."

"But…" Something wasn't making sense. Someone had been in this bag. But I held my tongue. Maybe someone had dropped the bag and spilled some. There was no reason to start pointing fingers when I had no clue what was happening. I would just end up causing trouble where it wasn't necessary because there had to be a logical explanation. I was being a bit paranoid. Simmons wouldn't lie to me, especially about this. "Never mind. Sorry for bothering you." She ducked back down, but I noticed her glance my way as I sat back down next to Fitz. "So… ten layers?"

"Yes," he placed the fabric in my hand. "It's a polymer blend. And it will also be able to monitor his vitals in the field."

"I've said it before, but you are a genius." He waved his hand at me and I looked up to see Simmons staring in our direction. She abruptly turned back when I looked up though.

"It's not that impressive."

"More than I can do." I reminded him. And there it was, the smile.

"I just need his measurements. Coulson said he'd send him down."

"Oh, he was actually by Skye when I last… I stand corrected," I changed course as Mike entered the lab, now dressed more casually in a mere t-shirt. And even I had to admit, it accentuated his features quite nicely. Though it seemed I was more the lean type than muscular if my one-person track record was anything to go by.

"I heard you were looking for me," Mike addressed the two scientists politely. Simmons nodded and pulled away from her computer to approach him. I noticed that she paused at a drawer to grab a tape measure.

"I'm going to take some measurements," she informed him with a coy smile. Oh, she was definitely checking him out. This was going to be fun. "You seemed to have changed quite a bit since we last saw you."

Mike nodded. "I have to put away four times what I used to just to keep my energy up," he rattled off happily, oblivious to her reaction.

"Uh," she tried to put her head on straight, wrapping the tape measure around his torso, "and after you use your strength?" I chuckled to myself, glancing over at Fitz to say something. But I stopped at the look on his face. He looked downright annoyed at what was happening.

He pondered this for a moment. "Maybe ten times the food? I usually crash afterwards." Simmons pulled back from him and Fitz started towards her with a fierce determination. "It's really hard on my body."

Oh please don't let him be jealous. Please don't shatter my hope just yet. Please don't make this conversation awful when it hasn't even begun.

"Hard body," Simmons repeated distantly. "Got it."

"You know we have equipment that can take measurements," Fitz spoke up as he stepped up beside her. There was an edge to his voice that I couldn't read because it was hidden under trying to seem casual. "No need to do it manually."

Simmons laughed to herself as if just realizing this. "My mistake. Well, no matter. I'll send the numbers to you straight away." She started for her computer only for Fitz to follow her the few steps.

"And you say I've been unprofessional lately," he huffed so low I almost missed it. And then he put the smile back on his face and went back over by Mike before she could argue. I could sense the tension of him and had no clue what to make of what had just happened, so I made my way over. "I need, uh, I need measurements to build you a diagnostic suit so we can monitor your vitals in the field." He started hitting his tablet a little harder than necessary.

"It's a polymer blend with ten layers of composite material," I informed Mike proudly, trying to get Fitz back on track. "It's pretty awesome. Lee makes awesome things for awesome people."

Mike smiled. "It sounds awesome." He nodded towards my hip. "I'm guessing he's responsible for that as well then."

"Indeed he is," I patted the hamster ball. I turned to see Fitz was staring at Mike's arm- the one that still had the metal structure clipped to it was orange liquid moving about. "Lee?"

He snapped out of it. "Uh… sorry. I'm sorry. I was… I was just looking at it, and…"

"Oh no," Mike clearly didn't take offense as he held the arm up. "It's okay. I'm used to it. They tried to take it off me at the Sci-Ops facility. Realized they couldn't do it without killing me."

Fitz stuck his finger out to touch it, but I was quick to bat it away. "I'm afraid we're terribly curious," Simmons rejoined the conversation. "How did they stabilize the Extremis in you?"

"And keep you from exploding?" Fitz added.

"Yeah," Simmons finished. The previous moment between the two of them seemed forgotten in the quest for knowledge and if they were trading sentences than Mike was really in trouble.

"Oh, that wasn't them. That was you two."

The two of them let that sink in before speaking at the same time. "Come again?" "What's that?"

"Your gun," he explained, looking between the two of them. "It somehow froze me right at the moment I was about to explode. Helped my body absorb the serum. Stabilize." I was beaming now myself. "You weapon saved my life."

Simmons scoffed. "Well…"

"All that, and it didn't leave a scar. Like she said, awesome."

They both started sputtering, clearly flattered. "Like I said, awesome," I managed to get in between their sentences, hoping it registered with the two.

Fitz stopped talking to give me a smile but Simmons continued. "It would be a shame, especially when you're so, well, formed and symmetrical." And I was laughing so hard my sides hurt. Oh, I wished Skye was here. "And wh…when did you stop talking?"

Fitz gave her a look. "About three embarrassing sentences though."

Simmons took a deep breath. "Yes, right." And she started laughing just a mine tapered off before moving back over to her computer. Fitz went back to his bench and I followed with a wave to Mike.

"Are you okay? You and Simmons… it seemed tense for a moment there."

"Just something we're working through in our partnership," he offered simply, tone clipped. "It's between us really."

"I won't pry," I vowed. "I was just making sure you're alright, Lee. I'm here and willing to talk about anything if you need it. I actually do so much of the talking it would probably be good for us." Even if it was about his feelings for Simmons. That situation had not helped my perception on what was going on between them, but it shaken my confidence about after this mission.

His face softened quite a bit and I felt the Bus starting to descend under our feet. "You'd better get ready to head out," he reminded me, voice infinitely softer as he continued his work. "Come back in one piece, you understand? No injuries. I'm already stressed out as it is about this whole Centipede business."

I don't know why I did it. I really don't. Usually I see the compulsion and I knock it flat, but here I just let it go. I simply acted, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I will stay out of trouble the best that I can." I immediately realized my action and my eyes went, but tried to play it off as normal as he just stood there no longer moving. "Which means you should take my measurements to have the cast ready when I get back." I was red now, but at least he wasn't looking at me to notice.

Had I seriously just- I was an embarrassment. A plain and simple embarrassment.

I managed to run off before he even reacted with a quick goodbye, slipping out the lab door to wait for the guys in the cargo hold. I did glance back once and he was rooted right where I had left him aside from one difference.

His hand was on the cheek. And not like wiping it off in disgust, but holding it there as if pondering what had just happened.

Mike exited a moment later, glancing back at him as well. "You two make a cute couple."

I waited for the doors to close to speak, though softly enough they wouldn't hear us through the glass. "Oh, we're not a couple. We're just friends," I corrected. And I don't know why, but I opened right up to him with my next remark. "I'm honestly hoping I can change that after this mission though."

"Well, based on what I just saw I don't think you have to worry about what he's going to say at all." And he gave me a hearty pat on the back before starting up the metal staircase. "I'd wish you good luck, but you won't need it."

You couldn't have wiped the smile off my face if you tried.

XXX

Coulson had suggested I drive the Jeep and I carefully navigated my way towards the University while Ward glanced through something on his tablet in the backseat. Coulson would gently adjust things I was doing- such as my hands on the wheel and made sure to compliment me on my improved braking. He even turned on some Classical music on the radio and seemed to get lost a bit in it- it was pretty soothing and relaxed me somehow.

"'Psychology of Women: Unraveling the Female Psyche'," Ward said suddenly with a degree of bafflement, breaking his relative silence.

"That's an actual book?" Coulson glanced back at him.

"It's a whole course. Hayward's sister's in there now."

Coulson glanced at the GPS. "We'll be at the school in ten. We'll catch her on her way out." We sat for a minute before I laughed, earning their attention.

"I'm sorry, but a whole class on women? Is that really necessary?" I asked. "We're not that complicated. At least the few I've met."

"I disagree on that," Coulson gestured for me to turn. "But back in my day solving the puzzle and putting the time in to figure them out was half the fun."

"You solve a lot of puzzles in your day?" Ward inquired. I groaned.

"Please don't tell me we're playing this game," I cut in.

"Morally opposed?" Ward was smiling at me from the back.

"No. I just don't remember so we'll never know who the real winner is. I could have got around wherever or whenever I came from."

"Maybe you did," Ward agreed, though with the smile on his face that meant he didn't believe me at all.

Coulson shook his head. "You would have been too focused on the mission you were about to undergo- about making sure everything went smoothly for everyone. You're not the type even if you have drastically changed since back then."

I shot Ward a playful glare as I stopped at a stop sign. "Thank you, sir."

"And to answer your question, I have solved a few. Some more worth it than others. One was… especially rewarding."

Well, now this conversation had my interest. "Do tell," I prompted. "What happened?"

"I died," he answered simply, bringing the whole mood down a touch.

"Oh," I muttered, focusing back on the road.

"I guess she wasn't Level Seven, sir?" Ward spoke up.

"She was a cellist," he spoke with clear pride, letting us into a very personal part of his life. Uncharted waters for anyone but May, really. "Second chair, Portland symphony. Saw her play whenever I was in town. Ever see a beautiful woman play the cello? It's something else." He was almost somewhere else now, nostalgic smile on his face. That certainly explained the music choice. "She laughed at my jokes, too, which was a very nice bonus."

"She sounds like she was a keeper," I agreed.

"Do you know where she is now?" Ward asked what we were both thinking.

"Of course I do." And I felt my heart break.

"I'm so sorry this became your life," I hoped were the right words as I said them. "I know it wasn't what you were expecting when you signed up for an adventure with Avengers. You lost a lot and just know that the team… we are thankful every day we know the truth and have you by our side. We're here for you just as much as you are for us." And he didn't answer, but the hand on my arm with a squeeze made his sentiments clear enough.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Ward pushed, seeming deep in his own thoughts.

"I was gone for months," Coulson answered. "The Avengers thought I was dead, so I had to keep that up… S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol. It's probably better this way."

"I doubt that," I disagreed. "If you made her as happy as she seems to have made you… I'm sure she would disagree with that sentiment. And I don't need some course to know that."

Ward didn't seem ready to let go yet. "Maybe if she had been part of the agency…"

"In my experience, that's just asking for trouble." I felt my hands tighten on the wheel slightly as the words hit me. Was he trying to say something? Did Coulson know? He had to know. Everyone knew it seemed. Oh no. Was he disapproving? Was this his way of disapproving? I hadn't thought about what Coulson might think. Focus on the road. Focus on the road.

"But I've seen times where it worked out," he continued, almost as if sensing my discomfort. "Sometimes it's clear that things will work out and it would be a shame if they let their jobs stand in their way. This life can be lonely… for some more than others. It's good to have someone by your side you can absolutely depend on because of how much they care about you, and maybe the fact that you share a world makes it possible. So I won't completely discredit it." He seemed to turn so he was looking right at me. "I just prefer cellists personally."

My grip relaxed. It looks like I had Dad's approval after all. He wasn't exactly being subtle, but he was somehow once again saying exactly the type of encouragement I needed to hear. Now we just needed to finish this mission so I could actually go for it. Not that not having it would stop me though. I mean it would make things rougher but- focus on the road. Focus on the road.

"Not exactly very subtle in your meaning, sir," Ward almost laughed.

"It wasn't intended to be," he made clear. He paused before speaking again. "I do notice what is going on with my team though, even when they think I don't. And even though I shouldn't, I show favoritism in how I want things to end up." We pulled into campus and he pointed to a sidewalk. "Park along there."

We came to a stop in front of campus and Coulson handed me a card- a very thick card. I was still reeling a bit, but it was clear I needed to get serious now. Because it looked like I was the one getting sent in. I pulled my hair from my ponytail, pushing it over one of my shoulders. "Are you sure about sending Crawford in, sir?"

"Absolutely."

"I've got this," I told Ward, handing him my ponytail holder. I gestured to the dash where Cheesetauri was balanced in a cup holder. "Hold my things and watch my mouse."

Coulson gestured to the card. "You're going to approach her and inform her you're looking for her brother because he won the lottery. Make sure she takes the card. Use a fake name. Use that winning smile. We need her to call her brother as soon as possible."

"Got it. Got it. Got it." And for the last one I just beamed before unbuckling myself and jumping out of the car. I approached the middle of a quad area, looking around for any sign of Laura, pulling up her picture in my mind. It took me a few minutes, but eventually she passed my way and I practically ran up to her. I put on my bubbliest voice as I spoke, planning to play to my suspicions. "Laura Hayward! I've been looking for you!" I then pulled her in for a hug.

"Um, hello," she seemed extremely put off, pushing away. "Do I know you?"

"No actually," I pretended to realize, hoping I wasn't falling flat on my face here. "I'm Peggy, Brian's girlfriend. Or at least I was. It's all very complicated right now." I slapped my forehead, just letting my mouth run. "Oh, I must have scared you. Stranger tackling you out of the blue. I'm sorry. He had told me so much about you I feel like we're friends already. He talks all the time about how you're going here."

"Wow," she looked around, almost nervous. "Is-is he here… with you?" Just like I suspected. She hadn't seen him since he got back judging by the way she was acting. Perfect. I had everything I needed now.

"No. No. I just… I know things have been rough between the two of you since he came home from Afghanistan." She gave me a look that made it clear I was understating it. "He just… he doesn't want to talk to you until he's got everything put back together. He tells me that every time I bring you up- which is often. He's worried you won't love the person he's become- that you won't see him as your brother anymore."

"That's not possible," she made clear. This girl clearly loved her big brother. "You need to tell him that. Because I miss him and even if he's not ready to see me… a phone call would be nice. Just to hear from him."

"That's why I'm here. We had a fight," I pulled her onto a park bench and took her hands. "One of those nasty fights where I can't remember what even started it because it had been building for so long. And I hated leaving, but I had to. I want to support him and help him through this transition, but he just… he makes it difficult." She nodded, reflecting on her own experiences. "And he won't answer my calls or when I stop by. Not being with him doesn't mean I don't worry about him. It's been nearly a week now and I'm out of my mind in worry." I sighed. "That's why I came here. He's not going to call either of us. And he isn't answering me. But I think- I think if you called him he might just answer. And I hate putting this on you, but I need you help with the man we both love." I squeezed her hand. "Because you want to save him as much as I do."

She nodded, nearly in tears. "I'll- yes, I'll call him. I will check on him."

"Thank you." I pulled out the card Coulson had given me. "May I have a pen." She handed me one and I scrawled a number on it. "I think this is my new number. I changed phones, so it's still a little rough in my memory." I handed it to her and she instantly took it. "Keep in contact, okay?"

"I will." I hugged her again.

"Thank you. I'm so glad I tracked you down."

This time she returned the hug. "You clearly love him a lot."

"We both know he's the greatest man there is." I pulled away but kept my hand on her shoulders. "I hope you can talk some sense into him."

"I hope so too." I rose then and she followed suit. "And I hope… I hope you two work it out." I started to proceed for the car. "Peggy as in Peggy Carter?!" she shouted after me. Wow. I was not expecting her to get that at all. Here I thought most of the world had forgotten about her- by her own design of course. Founding a secret organization didn't exactly keep you in the spotlight.

I turned back to her, beaming. "What can I say? My dad was a fan of Captain America."

"So was my grandfather," she pointed to herself. "I think that's why Brian went into the Army was his stories about him." She paused for a long moment in thought, then gave a last wave and started down the sidewalk, wiping away the tears she hoped I didn't see. I sighed as I made my way back to the car. Hopefully, I had done enough to maybe save this relationship. I could live with lying if I did that.

I climbed back into the driver's seat. "That seemed to go well," Ward complimented as he extended my ponytail holder. I grabbed it and threw my hair up.

"He went into the Army because he was a fan of Captain America," I reported. Coulson was looking at the tablet he had brought. "I think I know how Extremis was able to get his number," I said with clear disgust. Centipede was being deceitful and praying on people- tearing families apart in the process. I couldn't wait to bring them down for good and get Brian home.

"She's making the call," Coulson reported. "Good work." I leaned over as the tablet tracked where it was being made to.

"Is he local?" Ward inquired, unable to see from the back.

"No," Coulson shook his head. "He's in Oakland, California." I knew now it was time to get moving so we could get the Bus up in the air. I made a turn and started back the way we came, going just a touch over the speed limit.

"Skye found a familiar woman visited Po in prison," Coulson brought me up to speed. "She was the woman we encountered when we went after Chan and Peterson says she recruited him into the program as well."

"So she picks the people for the program," I thought through. "Which means she must have wanted Po and was willing to do a lot to get him out with that breakout."

"We suspect she wants him to lead the soldiers," Ward confirmed. "His background is tactical strategy after all."

"And he's crazy enough to work for the bad guys," I added.

"That too."

We arrived at the Bus pretty quickly and disembarked from the Jeep. Skye was there waiting for us as the cargo ramp moved upward. May must be preparing for launch already. "I've looked through everything we have," she reported to Coulson. "I could not find mention of a Clairvoyant anywhere."

"Keep looking," he walked past her. I clipped Cheesetauri back onto my belt and went up to her.

"Clairvoyant?"

"Po mentioned them when he was talking to Raina in prison, the recruiter," she addressed my confusion.

I was taken aback. "We're fighting a psychic too?"

"There's no such thing," Ward reminded us both. I rolled my eyes.

"You're telling that to the girl who might be from the future."

"Might," he highlighted as he stepped past. Skye went back to typing away at her tablet and after a pat on her shoulders I made my way up to the cockpit to join May. I could use some thinking time about all of this.

Instead, I promptly took a nap instead, recovering some energy lost in my sleepless night. I got the feeling I was going to need it.

XXX

I woke up after we had landed, May already gone. They must be prepping if she had let me sleep- that and it was another sign of how fond of me she was growing. She would never have left me up here alone before- probably nervous I would touch something and blow the Bus up. Which seemed possible for me really. I stretched a bit and stared out into the bright sky for a moment before making my way through the Bus towards the cargo hold, but not before stopping in the kitchen for a Pop Tart and some cheese.

I walked into the lab to see everyone admiring Mike Peterson who stood tall in his newly completed suit. I went to join them, but felt myself pausing as Simmons's computer when something caught my eye. It was on the desktop, but a folder sat in the top corner labeled 'Ashleigh's Particulate Results'.

Now maybe she had created the folder preemptively. It was a reminder of what she needed to do when all this was over. I couldn't read that much into it.

Except then why did the folder have papers in it. The picture of the folder didn't have papers unless there was something in there.

It was locked too.

Stop. Stop. This was ridiculous. Simmons wouldn't-

 _Crunch._

I glanced down and had to grab the counter when I realized what I had stepped in. It was the particulates missing from the bag. They were scattered about her area as if someone had sneezed and blown them all away.

As if someone had been shocked by the results and dropped them.

All the pieces clicked together and despite my trying to find another solution, there was only one that made sense at the moment.

Simmons had lied to me. At the very least about touching the sample. And at the most… she had the answer and was keeping it from me.

I didn't have time to process though, forcing myself to steer away from her area and make my way out to join the others where they had gathered in a circle.

"Well, look who decided to put in an appearance," Skye laughed. "We were almost planning on leaving you here at this point." She glanced down at my Pop Tart. "Glad to know you have all the supplies you need though."

"Sorry," was all I muttered, I think surprising everyone. I was now getting looks of concern from all around the circle.

There was a beat before Coulson spoke. "Well, you came just in time to receive assignments. That's all that matters. "Ward, May, you'll go in through the west entrance. Mr. Peterson and I will enter through the loading dock. You all will run the back end from outside- Crawford is in charge." He looked at me and I just nodded, trying to get my head in the mission. "Is something the matter, Crawford?"

I shook my head. "No, sir. Just… waking up."

"Because I can have Skye manage while you stay- "

"I'm fine, sir," I cut in, though I don't think I sounded very convincing.

"We're doing this just us?" Skye cut in, clearly trying to have my back. "We've been playing whack-a-mole with these guys since Ward first picked me out of my van. Shouldn't big S.H.I.E.L.D. be sending in backup?"

Coulson nodded towards Mike. "Trust me, they already did."

"Let's move," May addressed everyone, moving towards the vehicles. Fitz instantly fell into step next to me, nodding at Skye behind him.

"It's nothing," I said instantly. I handed him the Pop Tart. "You can have this. I'm not hungry right now."

"Ash," he clearly disagreed. I climbed into the van with Fitz, Skye, and Simmons following. And just like that, I was almost in tears. "Is it- did you remember something? You're trembling right now." He put a hand on my arm.

"Not now," was the only answer I could give as Simmons was staring right at me looking just as concerned as the rest of them. "Not here. I just… I'm sorry guys. I'll get my head in the game for this." I moved to the passenger seat, Skye taking the driver's. I looked up to see her staring at me. "I'm not okay but I'm going to be."

"I guess I'll take it," was her response before starting the van after the others. The drive was quiet aside from Fitz-Simmons chattering as I tried to refocus my priorities. I needed to be there and protect my team. I pulled myself over my mental hump, forced my feelings to the backburner as May had taught me, and made my way over to where Fitz-Simmons and Skye had pulled up their computers once we came to stop.

"How are we looking?" I inquired.

"We're ready," Skye replied. "Good to have you slightly back."

"We're not dropping this though," Fitz also made clear. He handed me back the Pop Tart bag. I tore into it, unable to deny my rumbling stomach.

"I know," I said with my mouth full, unable to get mad at either of them for their concern. "But right now we need to focus. I need to keep all of you out of trouble as the official babysitter of this team." I watched as our four teammates exited their vehicles. "Because it looks like we're headed in."

"You know he has you look after us because he trusts you," Fitz turned to me real fast. "It's a compliment. He knows you've got things under control and won't let anything happen to us."

Normally that would have made me feel a lot better, but all I could see was Simmons shake her head out of the corner of my eye. I forced my attention back on Fitz, punching him in the shoulder. "Thanks, Lee. I know. I could just… use a reminder every once in a while."

"That's what I'm here for. You're the babysitter and I'm the babysitter's morale booster." I couldn't not laugh at that and it felt good. It allowed me to get some positive energy running back through my system. Leave it to Fitz to solve the problem without intending to.

The others monitored their computers as I snacked, waiting for any word over the intercom system. Suddenly, it buzzed to life and Coulson's voice came through. "We alone here?" he asked.

Simmons did some quick typing. "It appears so." We glanced at a weird twisting blob I could not decipher. "The only heat signatures we're reading are yours."

"But there's a weird electronic signal," Skye reported, earning my attention on her screen. I was able to make out even less. "I'm trying to isolate it."

" _Thank we're too late?_ " Ward's voice came crackling through. Great. Maybe I had done too good a job and had tipped this whole place off. I focused on the screen with the layout of the warehouse, four blue dots blinking back at me.

" _Fitz, dial Hayward's number. Find out."_ Fitz immediately did just that, ringing echoing through the van. I clutched the chair in front of me, completely on edge now. Something wasn't right.

Just like that, a yellow dot appeared in the middle of the screen. "Sir, you've got company!" I shouted, hoping to warn them in time.

" _Yeah, we do_ ," I heard before a loud screech made all of our hairs stand on end. The fight seems to have begun. And just like that a second yellow dot appeared right by May and Ward.

"How are they doing that guys?" And then there was a third one making his way as well. The only sound coming over the intercom was that of grunts and cries.

Simmons was shaking her head, typing frantically. "We have no idea," Fitz answered for the both of them. Things were not sounding good in there. I took up position by the back door, ready to be the first one to strike if they came for us. I doubted I would last a minute against three super soldiers, but I might be enough of a distraction the others could get away.

"Skye, if they come out here start the van up," I ordered. "You leave even if not everyone's here."

"That's not going to happen," she disagreed. Suddenly, one of the screens started flashing red and an alarm rang. "What's happening?"

"His diastolic and systolic pressures are dropping," Simmons reported. Oh, this fight was going real south. "Heart rate's plummeting, as well."

"Tell Coulson. He needs to know now," I ordered Fitz. He leaned forward into the intercom.

"Sir, he's in bad shape."

"Between the physical exertion and this wound, his vitals are dangerously low."

There were more sounds of a struggle before two of the yellow dots seemed to flee the scene. "Skye, start the van," I commanded. She scrambled to the driver's seat to do so, the vehicle springing to life. I waited, ear against the back door for any sign of footsteps headed our way. I was ready for a fight, but completely scared out of my wits at the same time. This was going to be a painful death.

I'd never get to tell Fitz how I felt.

They never came thankfully. Everything was silent now, outside the throb of the motor, but we weren't in any danger. I was going to make it another day.

" _Hayward's dead_ ," Coulson's voice made us all nearly jump out of our seats. My stomach did a flip and I had to force my nerves to stay strong rather than fold up and let me buckle to the floor.

"What happened?" I questioned. I thought of his sister. She thought they had a chance. She had loved him so much.

" _It looks to be similar to the death of the MI6 officer you and I encountered months ago. He was begging for his life and then-"_

"It was like the inside of his eye exploded," I recalled, chill going down my spine. I took a deep breath with my hand going to my head, realizing what this all would mean. "That would mean Centipede… that Centipede was behind Akela too. Behind the eye implants." Hayward was dead. The man had just wanted to be a hero and they had tricked him into living a life like this.

" _We'll need to confirm that. We're heading back to you with his body. I want Simmons in the Jeep with Mike. He needs your assistance. The rest of us will take the van- I want Fitz looking into this immediately._ "

"Who will be riding with me?" Simmons inquired.

" _Crawford should be fine. She knows how to handle the Jeep pretty well_."

Oh no. I couldn't argue or say anything, but mentally I was screaming. But I put on my best professional face and exited the van with Simmons as the others came out of the building. Simmons ran up to Mike and began leading him towards the Jeep. Ward was holding Hayward's body roughly in his arms. I went up to it, hand on my mouth.

Hearing it was one thing, but seeing it was another. And I had never met this man, but I felt such a connection to him and what he had been trying to do. He had deserved so much better and I would give a lot to have met him under different circumstances. I smoothed his hair away from his forehead. "I know you don't believe this, that you probably thought you were weak, but I think Captain America would be very proud of you. And if I ever meet him, I am going to tell him about Brian Hayward and how brave he was."

I moved part the group then, wiping my eyes as even the two still in the van were staring at me. I came to a stop before Coulson. "I get to call and tell his sister when this is over."

"Agreed."

I looked back at Brian before locking onto to Coulson with my steeliest gaze. "And we are going to show them all the ways they messed with the wrong people- Raina, Po, all of them. They aren't even going to know what hit them." I directed that more at everyone and didn't wait to hear any responses before heading for the Jeep and climbing in. Simmons was sitting in the back with Mike sprawled out, unconscious.

She didn't even need to say anything. "I'll pay little heed to the speed limit," I informed her before starting the car up and leaving the God forsaken warehouse in our rearview window.

"I think I've stabilized him at least," she wiped her forehead. "I'll need to get several nutrients back in his body when we return, but the wound seems to have stopped bleeding. It will be a while before he's back on his feet though."

And I wanted to engage in this talk. I wanted to ask questions and help her think through this. But the part of my brain that controlled my mouth had other ideas. "You already looked at what Fury sent."

"Excuse me?"

"You looked at the particulate. You have the answer. You… you were lying to me." Her silence was very telling and I knew I was right. I felt the tears starting up again. "Jemma- "

"I did," she admitted. "And the results… they were… I needed more time to process them. I needed to run a few more tests." I rolled my eyes. "It wasn't the time nor the place for any of it."

"Then you should have told me that," my voice rose dangerously. "You should have been honest with me. Instead, you looked me right in the eye and lied to me… about something I deserve to know. It affects my life, Jemma!"

"It affects all our lives!" she shouted back. "It… changes everything and knowing it makes things really hard. It has made being with you this past day quote difficult. I didn't think anyone else was ready for that."

"That wasn't your decision to make. Our team-"

"Our team isn't able to see the repercussions like I do. Even Fitz, who more than anyone should comprehend all the problems chooses to remain blind to them. They are able to be positive about this, call you a superhero from the future, but all I can see is what Randolph did."

My anger came to a screeching halt. "Wait. Are- are you saying… was right? That I'm…"

She sighed, lowering her voice and calming a bit. "I carbon dated the particulate to see what time it came from. The estimates were rough but it was at least a hundred years older than it would be at present day. You were walking around at least a hundred years in the future, and there is no way to scientifically argue that. I don't know how we are all still standing, but somehow it was managed."

It was true. I-I had been right. I had come back from the future. I had time traveled to save someone on this team. Oh my God. I had traveled through time.

"What that also mean," Simmons continued, pulling me from my reverie, "is that Randolph was correct. You were not meant to be in this time. Everything you touch or effect changes things in ways they originally weren't meant to happen. We could be drastically of course from where we were all meant to be without you."

"I think you might be exaggerating," I defended myself.

"And all I can see are the questions. Who is supposed to take the lead if you're not around and are you stunting us because of it? Was I meant to survive the virus? Was Randolph meant to live? Have people lived or died because of the changes you made?" My mind flashed to Hayward's body. Had-had that been my doing? "Are you making people feel things for you that were meant to be felt for someone else?" She sighed at this one. "And that's where Skye would argue that I'm jealous. And it may seem that way, but I'm not. I'm just trying to protect my best friend from entering a black hole that could tear his whole life off course."

"You know too."

"You mean am I able to look over at the other side of the lab and see the obvious? Of course I know. And at first I was hesitant because you had lied to us. You hurt him a lot. And he may have forgiven you but a part of me had a hard time doing so. And just when I start getting over that… then you just had to go and be from the future. Your entire relationship had to be creating something that was literally never meant to exist."

I tried to let her words bounce right off me, but of course some of them stuck. Of course I now thought about the fact that she was right- Fitz wasn't supposed to end up with me. If… if I took him I would be keeping him from whoever he was meant to end up with. And despite her claims I was pretty sure that was Simmons in the end. I was ruining his life, possibly all their lives.

But then there was a voice in the back of my head that sounded suspiciously like Fitz. 'Or you're making them better.'

And it didn't win out over the darkness, but it did help. "Well, I can't change anything now. I have no idea how to go back."

"The damage is already done, Ashleigh. I just hope time can hold up from the strain of this. And believe me, I don't want to feel this way. You make it so difficult. You're such a good friend it makes me want to overlook all of this. I can't deny that. But I also can't deny the facts. They see superhero, but I just see all the possible destruction you're leaving in your wake."

I took a deep breath as we came upon the Bus. "Then it looks like you're just going to have to adjust and let the others handle it in their own way. Because I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to stop protecting any of you. I'm still Ashleigh Crawford." We pulled up and came to a stop, allowing me to turn back and look at her for the first time. "I'm happy to give all the space you need for as long as you need it. I'm not going to let this change anything. You are still one of the only six people I trust. You're still one of my best friends." She didn't quite know how to react to that and now the van was pulling up beside us. "But I'm also not going to forget that you lied to me, Jemma Simmons." I opened my door and started climbing out. "And from someone's who's been on the other side, you're very good at it."

And that's how I left things. And it was hard, but all I had to do was remember that I needed to focus on protecting others to push the fact that I was from the freaking future out of my mind. I could panic and scream about that later- preferably with either Fitz or Skye by my side to keep me from losing it. Because now I needed to focus all my energies on wiping Centipede off that map.

Whatever it took on my part, I wasn't going to let them hurt anyone else.

All this personal stuff was just going to have to wait to mission's end. Even the pair of brown eyes that now met mine as the others exited the van.

And then I'd tell him.

I'd tell him everything and let him decide.

XXX

 _Whew! Well, that was intense. This was quite the chapter to write and the second half- oh boy the second half. All I can say is just you wait. I'm hoping to have it up in about a week give or take, but don't quote me on that. Thank you again for all the love and support all around. I love each and every single one of you._

 _Thank you to those who have alerted this story: madstar95, roryandamy, MarvelPotterHead, Princess Nightmare99, thethoughtsofawildheart, Littleweejock, PlainJaneJ, girostritron, TwoHeartedMarauder, writingNOOB, WhovianPotter, CharTheMander, and victordebilly. I hope to keep you entertained for a long time to come._

 _Thank you to everyone who has favorited this story. It is one of the greatest honors you could pay me and my work. So thank you IndigoSeas, Tmlbound, hrodenhaver, madstar95, roryandamy, Princess Nightmare99, thethoughtsofawildheart, AgentSylas, TwoHeartedMarauder, WhovianPotter, CharTheMander, theisdarknessaroundyourheart, and victordebilly._

 _And to my reviewers all the hugs and kisses. I read them all multiple times and they keep me going more than anything else. I look forward to our continued conversations greatly. Thank you victordebilly, CharTheMander, Violetkane, writingNOOB, iblamegreenberg, DreamingOfThatWorld, MulishaMaiden, my friend eckles, AthenaB, Mmjohns, Bruna Santos 30- my first non-English review ever, NessieBooEvans, Evangeline Pond, XxAmyTheGreatxX, Connie Weasley, Lara Barnes, and Leopard Feather._


	22. Sacrifice

_Sacrifice_

Apparently there's a speech you give when you become an Agent officially- a nice short one after a big grandiose speech given to you by the person who has trained you to this point. I say apparently because naturally as a fake Agent I've never been privy to it, but from the intel I've gathered, by that I mean what was taught to me by Hill and pestering Ward later for details, it happens and you get up in front of a whole bunch of important people and recite the speech. Now it used to be that you had to stick to the script, recite it word for word.

But then one Agent had decided to have an individual streak, or be a smart ass, and add their own little flare onto the end. Slipped it right in. What the sentence was can't be repeated exactly and who they are has been buried as well. I suspect Fury but that's just me. It was a sentence that made an additional vow, a vow of a more personal nature to that person. Word spread and naturally the idea gathered some steam. Since then, every Agent had added their own phrase to the end of their oath. And it was now treated and respected to the point that it was now officially documented and when the Agent did pass it was the quote placed on the plaque for them at The Hub.

Hawkeye had apparently vowed to 'always shoot straight'. Black Widow's had involved 'the sins of the past'. Fitz-Simmons had been the only one who volunteered theirs, and of course it was a statement that only made sense when you put them together. Fitz had said 'To always get to the bottom' and Simmons had then offered 'Of every scientific discovery'. They had flipped a coin over who got the short end of the stick on that one and then decided afterwards that it would be Fitz since men have a shorter lifespan on average than women. Can't have that quote being backwards now. Skye joked that her and I should do the same thing one day.

So for a while I had been contemplating what my own would be. Not that I even knew I would get one- I technically had already been sworn in according to my story. The fake Agent had to have a fake quote logged somewhere. But maybe by the time I met my demise I will have earned the right to change it to something I had picked myself. Call it Hill's last gift to me.

Not that I obsessed over it or anything- clearly I had bigger things to worry about. It was just a thought that would sometimes flit through my brain at odd moments- an idea here of there I would squirrel away. Nothing had stuck though. Nothing had quite encapsulated what I wanted to say of my time on this team. Hell, nothing even came close. I just couldn't boil myself down to a few words, maybe because I was still figuring out who I was.

As I stepped into the lab, walking past where Simmons was patching up a now conscious Mike Peterson without paying her a glance and made my way over to Fitz, Skye, and Coulson by one of the lab's screens, I couldn't stop the idea that crashed into me like a baseball. It was almost like the cold, sterile air of the lab had triggered it somehow as the familiar chill ran along my spine.

'And apparently bend time and space.'

I was from the freaking future. I had told myself I wasn't going to think about this, that I was going to focus on whatever was on the television right now. But how could you not. It was almost like everything… like everything looked different somehow. It all seemed more foreign, sharper, less welcoming when this was literally the only home I had. No one was paying attention to me but now it was making my heart beat faster because I worried it might be on purpose. That they all knew and were consciously rejecting me. I was the freak from the future. And it was completely ridiculous but the room felt like it was almost closing in. I had vowed to stay calm and now I was practically having a panic attack in the middle of the mission. The more I tried to shake this whole attitude off the darker I seemed to descend- shaking hand going to my forehead.

And then I found my anchor to pull me back to reality… or rather heard my anchor. "Crawford," Coulson's voice cut through everything. His back was still to me but it was clear he had her my sneakers approach. "Come over here."

It was enough to shake my head clear for the moment. I wrapped my other hand around the tattoo at my wrist, remembering what was important right now. I took those deep breaths May and I had worked on, schooling my features and burying my personal feelings as deep as they could go. I could still feel the fringe of them, but I forced my attention away from it. People were dead. No one else was dying. Put yourself back in the moment.

I did as I came up beside them, crossing my arms as I looked at what appeared to be identical x-rays of skulls beside one another. Coulson glanced my way, clearly waiting for me to say something. So I stated the obvious. "They're the same." But then I faltered a bit at the intensity of the two of them. "Right?"

Fitz shook his head, coming beside me and pointing to each as he spoke, tablet in hand. "The one on the left is Akela Amador's. Hayward's is on the right." I nodded, understanding instantly… and also trying to ignore how close he was to me right now. It became easier as he continued, playing with the tablet. "Now, his prosthetic was slightly damaged, but based on digital reconstruction, we can now confirm the technology is virtually identical." An image came up of what must have been his recreation of the eye implant. He sure worked fast. "Hayward's prosthetic has the same internal power source, backscatter capabilities, and biomechanics as Amador."

It sunk it for a moment before I beat Coulson to speaking, pacing around the table. "So… now only is Centipede the organization that is turning people into their version of explosive super soldiers through methods that include kidnapping, but now you're telling me they're also behind the eyes that control people and bind them to their will?" My voice had a sharp edge to it. I could tell by how Fitz looked a little ashen when he nodded. "Everything is their fault… their doing?" He nodded again. Clearly I was giving off that I meant serious business. If I was any tougher I would slam my hand down on the table, but I knew I'd just break my hand so I refrained. I tried to let my anger be drive rather than distraction, swallowing most of it up. Instead I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Well… shit."

"These guys are serious multitaskers," Skye agreed. Coulson was still just examining the images, gears working clearly in his mind.

"Who's Akela Amador?" Mike Peterson asked from behind us. Simmons has wrapped a bandage around his middle and had him hooked up to two or three IV's to get some nutrients back in his body. He looked a lot better than when he had emerged, so she was clearly doing her job right. Not that I doubted her ability to do her job, just her ability to tell people when she had done it.

"Former S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent," Coulson answered. "The first person we encountered with this eye technology."

"They forced her to do some pretty bad things, including hurting us," I glanced at Skye, remembering the cast that used to be on her arm. I could see Mike school his features, so I put a hand out. "She wasn't a bad person though. It was all Centipede apparently. She was actually really good and she's safe now."

"We helped her," Simmons reassured him from his side as well.

He looked us over with a smile. "Kind of a pattern with you guys." I waved my hand at him fondly.

"We're just doing our job."

"So then," he groaned as he shifted a bit, "Those soldiers at the warehouse were forced to attack us through that eye thing?" I nodded as Coulson started towards him.

"They were getting orders. When the tide turned in our favor- "

"Thanks to your help," I added the encouragement with a thumbs up, happy to boost Mike's confidence in his ability to be a hero. Anyone who protected my team was alright in my book. "We would have been screwed without you."

"Centipede flipped Hayward's kill switch, told the other guys to run." I felt my blood boil and my fists clench. I felt the warmth of something covering my wrist though, and it nearly sent a jolt of electricity up my arm as I turned to see Fitz had wrapped a comforting hand around me. He looked right at me, encouraging me silently that everything was going to be alright. I gave a slight nod, unfurling my fist slowly but still staring right into those brown eyes. He kept his hand there, the two of us connected and passing energy and thoughts to one another without any movement. If I just leaned in an inch, I could-

"Can you track the eye feed like before, find their location?' Coulson broke the moment as he turned his attention to Skye. I stepped back, the two of us focusing on what was being said rather than each other. I swear I was turning a slight shade of pink. I had to be judging how this ice cold room had suddenly become unbelievably hot.

"Nope," Skye shook her head. "They've upgraded since Amador. Their feed's untraceable now." Coulson turned from her and the look she briefly shot me made it perfectly clear she saw what had just happened. And now I think I was just completely red.

"Their technology keeps advancing at a disturbingly rapid pace," Coulson noted. "They must have endless manpower, resources."

"Just more asses for us to kick," I smiled, trying to crack my knuckles but failing miserably. Everyone was looking at me now with slightly amused expressions. "What? Apparently May hasn't taught me how to be a badass yet. It'll come with time."

"They also need someone with a fat wallet," Skye said after a fond eye roll at my antics. It looked like I was back in my usual form and everyone was quite alright with that.

"Po's the strategist," Simmons spoke.

"Raina's the recruiter," I followed her thinking.

"Perhaps then this Clairvoyant's the money," she finished.

Fitz nodded from beside me. "That makes sense. If I could see the future, I'd go straight to Las Vegas."

"We don't know he can see the future," I reminded him, for my sake as much as mine. "I don't even want to consider the possibility really. Because then we don't stand a chance even with Mike here." I put a hand up. "So no to the psychic thing. It's too much for the organization with both super soldiers and eye control devices."

"Whoever's behind this may or may not be psychic, but they're one step ahead of us every time," Coulson examined everything on the screens with a grave expression. "I need to update HQ. This is bigger than we thought." With that, he headed out the larger lab doors with a swoosh of them opening a closing. We all lounged around for a moment, unsure what to say clearly. Centipede was behind everything. We knew that now, and it was kind of terrifying. Simmons continued working on Mike while Fitz and Skye returned their attention to their tablets.

I clearly needed to break the mood as only I in my prime could, so I elbowed Fitz in the side to get his attention. "So, Lee, you're telling me that Vegas is the first thing you'd do if you could see the future?"

"Probably," he admitted, and I playfully rolled my eyes. "What's the matter with that, Ash?"

I shrugged. "I just expected… more creative of you."

He raised an eyebrow, seeing what I was doing and playing right along as I knew he would. "Why? What is your grand plan when you get splashed with some form of radioactive chemical and suddenly can see the future?"

I thought about it grandly for a moment, tapping my chin. Everyone had some of their attention focused on me now, waiting for my answer. "I would use it… to know how to do something right the first time or see where someone is so we can go right for them and skip the middle man. Be more efficient, save time, and keep people from getting hurt."

Fitz couldn't help but look almost in awe of my answer, though I for the life of me didn't have a clue why. I had been planning on him firing right back, and quite frankly this silence was making me a bit out of sorts. I didn't like it when I couldn't read his emotions easily. They were often in a way my stability in navigating situations, and right now the one crossing his face was one I was painfully unfamiliar with. I put one of my hands on the table, tapping my fingers on the cold metal as I stared at them instead of him. Anywhere but looking at him.

My fingers tapping echoed through the lab for a moment before Skye bailed me out as any friend does, earning my relieved attention the minute she spoke. "And what would you do with all that time you saved?"

Okay, now we were back into our regularly scheduled programming. She had given me the pitch, now I had to knock it out of the park. I gave her the biggest grin I could muster. "Why, get a few more hours of sleep of course! Everything happens way too early around here."

I could hear the audible and inaudible groans all hit at once, music to my ears really. It had been exactly the fences I was swinging for. Skye was rolling her eyes with fondness, making me smile even wider at her. "And here I thought you were going to say something profound."

I pretended to weigh my options. "I think I'd pick sleep over profound any day." I took another beat. "Yep. Positive."

"No, you wouldn't," Fitz challenged, whatever expression he had before vanished as he joined in the game as well. "If it came between having our backs while we went on another mission with the spare time or spending it tucked away in your bed… you'd pick the latter without hesitation."

"Lee, I'm sorry but you're just going to have to accept that my bed comes before you in this relationship. We just have too much history together."

"That's a bold-faced lie, Ash," he parried, eyes drifting back to his tablet. "You know you'd be lost without me." He spoke again before I opened my mouth. "And I see no point in arguing the matter any further." I couldn't help but be impressed. Usually I was the one who left stuff like that to make sure I was then one ending our observations.

"You're learning and that worries me."

"Learned from the best."

Suddenly, there was the sound of someone hitting the table. Everyone turned to see Skye whose eyes were practically the size of her face right now. "Guys, hear me out. I just had the craziest idea. What is we were wrong about the future thing? What if Ashleigh has the ability to see the future and that's how she knew to get the tattoo! We might have been led down the wrong track this whole time by Fury!"

I didn't have to look at Simmons to guess her reaction. I'm pretty sure I had frozen myself, perhaps going a shade paler than I was previously. "I don't- I can't- I couldn't possibly have powers," I settled with. "I've never seen even a hint of the future since I've been here."

"Maybe that's the memory loss blocking your ability," Fitz posited, unfortunately now going down this same train of thought.

"I can't see the future," I made clear, perhaps a little harsher than I intended.

"What's going on?" Mike asked Simmons, who couldn't quite seem to find an appropriate answer to concisely wrap up the saga that was my backstory. He turned his attention to the rest of us. "What's this about the future?"

The two of their minds seemed to be going too fast to register him though and I knew I needed to put a lid on this before it got out of hand. "What if she is meant to be our counterpoint to the Clairvoyant," Skye speculated. "She's the only one who can match him and he knows that."

"So he erased her memories!" Fitz shouted.

I got between them. "Guys, seriously- "

"But she got the tattoo so she could still get herself where she needed to be and lead us into saving the world." Skye gasped. "Maybe the Clairvoyant is like her brother or something. Scientific experiments that vanished off the map together."

"And that's why we can't find anything." Fitz thought for a second before turning to Simmons. "Would we be able to pull up her brain scans and check for anything out of the ordinary of the most miniscule levels?"

She glanced at me briefly but quickly focused on him. "Fitz, this is ridiculous. We can't endlessly speculate and run tests when we have no proof that any of this… fantasy is possible."

"What's the harm in looking?" Skye shrugged. "If there's nothing there, then no harm done. But if there is… we may be able to solve who exactly Ashleigh is." They were both staring at her quite intensely now as she seemed to fumble for an answer. I gave her more than enough time before I cut in with what we had no choice but to put out in the open now.

"Simmons ran the sample," I spoke up. The room suddenly seemed to grow silent, but maybe it was just me as all the blood went rushing to my ears. Simmons wasn't able to come clean, so that meant I had to step up and admit the truth to everyone- including a random Mike Peterson. My heart started beating faster and I tried to keep from looking at anyone directly as I took a breath and continued. "Simmons ran the sample and has found that the… stuff on my shoes when they found me… it's… testing shows it's a hundred years older than it should be."

It was only a second before they reacted, but I swear it felt like an eternity as I admired and pondered the chrome table my hands were currently resting on. That and trying to focus on my breathing. It was important to keep breathing. There was silence and then a wall of sound as everyone, including a still puzzled Mike and even Simmons, started talking over one another as a rate that left no one able to understand anyone else. Our little moment of fun had passed, and now I was being forced to confront thing right here and now. Maybe one day things would be able to go according to some sort of plan. Maybe one day I would only have to say things once rather than going from person to person as I would have to do now to tell May, Coulson, and Ward. Maybe one day I wouldn't be scared of what people were going to say to me when they found out- if my memories could be erased maybe months of goodwill and friendship could do the same.

But it certainly wasn't today. Which meant I had to buckle in and take care of this despite being nowhere near prepared to.

Please don't let them all think like Simmons.

They were still all talking when I finally lifted my head up, knowing only one person could stop this cacophony in its tracks. "I'm from the future," I finally said it out loud, locking eyes with everyone as they all came to a halt. I tried to sound confident, but my voice had decided to crack on the last word. "I arrived in Nick Fury's office that day from a time at least one hundred years into the future with no memories and a tattoo telling me to join Coulson's team." That last fact had been more for Mike Peterson, but also just because I needed to get it all out. My mind needed to process while I was talking.

"I do not exist anywhere because I literally do not exist yet."

Fitz was the first to react. "Well, did it tell us anything else? Did you run it a second time to maybe get a more exact date? Do we know where she came from or maybe the quality of the soil? That might be able to tell us-"

"I just ran the one test so far Fitz. I haven't had time to mess with anything else with Mr. Peterson being here as well as the mission at hand."

Skye was focused on me as I took a seat on a nearby stool. She was by my side in an instant, rubbing her hand up and down my back. "Are you okay?"

"It's a lot," I admitted, holding back what for some absurd reason seemed to be tears. I didn't have the slightest idea why I would be crying about this, so I tried to hold them back and wipe furiously with my sweater before anyone noticed. I was shaking, physically trembling. The things I had been trying to push back against were suddenly overwhelming me now. It wasn't the time or the place, but my emotions were clearly getting the better of me. "I mean, it's one thing to think and speculate... but now I know. I know that everything I do here wasn't meant to happen. That I'm changing history and events with every action I take- that I might be sending all of you down paths you're not supposed to be on. This team was supposed to exist without me on it."

"Well, you're here now," Skye batted away my worries as if they were nothing. As if she didn't have the slightest concern about messing with time as Simmons and Randolph had. "And I for one wouldn't have things any other way. I don't want to picture how things would have ended up without you, because I honestly think that version of myself is a lot worse off." She wrapped an arm around me now, pulling me in for a side hug. It somehow only made me want to cry more, hands trembling in my lap.

"You don't know that." The negativity, the fear of what I had done that I didn't understand, was still haunting me. Despite Skye's assurances Simmons's word about consequences still echoed through my head again and again. The trembling got worse and my breathing quickened to a pace that was making my chest hurt. There was no hope in stopping the tears now as I let out a gasp, strength leaving me all at once. I always had to be strong and take care of everyone, but I just couldn't hold it together anymore. Despite my training, my emotions were now figuratively tearing me apart piece by piece as my defense of optimism and purpose gave way for a moment. And that was just enough time to knock off my center of balance.

I had nothing without them, but I was hurting the people I had vowed to protect just by being around them. There was no way to justify that I realized now. "You don't know that. No one will ever know that now... because of me. And I can't take it back or change anything about it. I'm stuck somewhere I don't belong."

And then two hands slid into view and covered both of mine, warmth spreading through them. "Ash." I couldn't do it. I couldn't see the expression my best friend was wearing right now. He was a scientist and knew what I was. I couldn't look up and lose him all over again. "Ash, I need you to look at me."

I did, watery eyes rising slowly to meet the warmth of his brown ones. He was crouched in front of me, expression showing nothing but deep concern that seemed to go down to his very soul. I looked for it, any hint of the coldness that had come with his anger last time, but I was unable to find even a trace. His lips lifted in the smallest hint of a smile as I removed one hand to wipe my eyes and then my nose after a moment of deciding to screw appearances.

"Hey," he offered me once I was done, voice perfectly calm and composed. Part of me realized he was doing his best to keep this from becoming the last time I had freaked out.

"Hey," I offered back, softly. Skye's hand was still on my back, but she seemed content in remaining silent and letting Fitz take the lead.

"I know you're scared, Ash."

Instantly, I felt guilt shoot through me. I was being ridiculous. I was wasting everyone's time and effort. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be-"

"Ash," he gently cut me off, voice still incredibly patient. "You're fine. There's nothing you need to apologize for."

"I'm not supposed to be like this though." I wiped my eyes again, pretty sure they were a glaring red by this point. "I have to be the one that everyone else relies on. I'm the babysitter. I'm supposed to be the one taking care of all of you. Not the other way around."

"Ash- "

"I'm the coward after all, I suppose."

"Ashleigh, you're still a human being," Skye cut in a little harshly. "Even if you are from the future. So you need to stop going on like this." She took a beat to settle, continuing a little softer. "You don't always have to be the toughest person in the room. You don't have to feel like you need to be strong for us because destiny says so. You just need to be yourself, because that is the Ashleigh Crawford we care about. And we care so much that we're willing to be the ones who be strong for you when you need it. As a member of our team."

I let the words sink in, calming down enough to get my breathing under control. I just kept looking at Fitz, and slowly I felt like my word was righting again. These were my best friends. If I could believe anyone in this whole world it would be them.

"I can't, uh, I can't imagine what's going through your head right now really. It must be suffocating up there." It was enough to get my lips to quirk upward for a moment. "But Skye's right. I know I choose to believe that if somehow you are here and the universe has remained stable, then obviously there is some reason for your being here. Somehow it was allowed, and I don't know how. But I do know that I'm very glad you're here to be my Girl Talk Companion." His hands gave mine a brief squeeze. Oh, how I hoped everything he said was true. "We can't stop you from being scared, Ash. But there's no reason to be. We are right here and there's no way you're, uh, you're getting rid of us." He looked at me for a long beat, searching. "Alright?"

I could only nod, throwing my arms around him for a tight hug. "At least I didn't swear at you this time," I whispered making him give a small laugh. "Thank you." I then felt another set of arms around my back and realized Skye had joined our group hug as well. I settled into the warmth it created. "Thank you both."

"I'm glad you stopped bottling everything up and talked to us," Skye commented as she pulled away. "Sometimes it's like pulling teeth with you. Is this why you've been weird all day?" She then turned to Simmons, eyebrow quirked. The scientist had observed all of this passively it seemed, neutral expression on her face. "Simmons, why didn't you tell us you told her? We could have avoided all this." She gestured to me with a sweep of her arm. Fitz turned to her, expression questioning as well.

And I don't know why I did it, but I instantly went to defend her. "She told me in private so I could process," I told something that was somewhere between the truth and a lie. "I asked her not to tell any of you. I wanted to be the one who did it. I wanted to prepare and figure out what exactly to say to all of you. It's a pretty big reveal after all- over a hundred years big."

This seemed to be enough for the two of them. I didn't look to see how Simmons had reacted as I rose and pushed the stool back towards the table with a squeak. "I'm going to freshen up a bit. We should get back into the mission."

Fitz grabbed my arm before I could walk off, grip tight. "Only if you're alright now."

I patted the hand. "I am. Promise." He let go then, taking me at my word. I started out the back doors and made my way to the bathroom, heart feeling a lot lighter than when I had walked in. Maybe they were right. Maybe I was allowed my moments like that. I would try to keep myself under control from here on out though. I still had Centipede ass to kick after all.

Ward was at the bar, glass in hand as I started to pass him. He noticed my state immediately and put the glass down. "Crawford, what's wrong?"

"Just… grappling with the fact that I am over a hundred years from being born at this point in time." His expression didn't change, but I was pretty sure his mind has short circuited. "I'm from the future. Surprise!" And then I just kept going, closing the bathroom door a little harder than I probably should have.

I scrubbed my face, removing any trace of tears and snot until my skin was a satisfying shade of clean pink. I was wiping my face with my towel- our names were on the tags- and considering changing into a new sweater that was free of snot when there was a knock on the wooden door. "I'll be out in a minute," I shouted.

There was no response, so I wiped my face one last time before throwing the towel back on the hanger. I went to open the door when I heard the voice from the other side. "You didn't have to do that."

Simmons.

My hand still on the handle, I leaned against the wood with a sigh. I could tell she was doing the same thing on the other side. "I know," I agreed. She wasn't wrong. I could have left her exposed and made her answer for the fact that she had been lying to me just as much as everyone else. I could have forced her to out the way she felt about me and possibly alienate herself from everyone.

"But that's just not who I am," I continued. "I guess… even though you lied to me… I still protect the people I care about. Even if it risks changing everything. And maybe… maybe that's how it's meant to be." I put my head back on the door.

I heard the creak as she moved away and knew she had left. She was probably back in the lab working away like this conversation hadn't happened. And I was somehow okay with that. I wasn't expecting her to change her opinion and feelings about me overnight. She had a belief on what my being here meant and she was entitled it. I just knew now I couldn't believe it myself or I would fall apart in a way I couldn't afford. I had to keep moving forward and hoping eventually she would be willing to do the same with me.

I stepped out of the bathroom and made my way for the bunks, only to come to a halt at the sound I heard coming from one. I quickly pinpointed the location as Skye's and then a moment later realized it was the sound of someone sobbing. I instantly changed course and started for it, pausing when I noticed a figure in the corner of my eye.

It was Coulson. He was just standing at the bottom of the stairs from his office, staring at the door Skye was behind. He showed no signs of moving toward it though, hovering lost in thought. It was kind of puzzling really. Coulson and Skye usually had quite the bond, especially when she had just joined us.

Our eyes met briefly and I could tell he wasn't going in there. Whatever Skye was crying about- it somehow involved him. I could see the guilt clear as day. Well, I wasn't going to just stand around wasting time when my friend was hurting. I broke off eye contact and disappeared behind the door without looking back.

She was face down on her bed, crying even louder now that I was in the room. Papers and files were scattered about the room and in the trash- most of them ripped in pieces. I bent down and grabbed one, realizing it was all the data that she had been gathering to find her moth- the agent who had left her. It had finally happened. She had been getting more desperate recently and someone must have said just the right thing at the wrong time. Skye was giving up.

"Skye," I tried to comfort her as she just had me, perching at the end of the bed and placing a hand on her thigh. She didn't even act like she knew I was there. "Skye, what happened?"

I heard some kind of strangled whisper from under her pillow and couldn't help but sigh. "Skye, you're going to have to talk to me in a language I understand so I can help you." There was a long beat of silence. "Skye, you can't give up on this. This is everything you've been looking for. Now you need me to tell you who did this so I can kick their ass."

She finally sat up, leaning back against the wall. "Good luck with that."

"She speaks!" My attempt to lighten the mood didn't work though. But rather than fill the silence I just let it hang there, waiting patiently for her to fill the silence that was over us like a fog.

She finally did after a deep breath. "It was May. She said- she said I needed to stop bothering her about the flash drive." The disdain in her voice was clear. It seemed like the work to grow the relationship between May and Skye had suddenly been pushed back to where we had started. "That the mission at hand here isn't my parents and that is I couldn't put my personal attachments aside… then I should leave."

"Wow," was all I could say to that, leaning back against the wall so I was directly to her right. "I don't- tensions are high right now." She gave me a glare and I decided defending May wasn't what to do here. "You can't listen to her Skye. This is important. This is your past. Some people would give a lot to have one of those. You know I know that. And I know that's not the only reason you're here… or at least that's what I choose to believe. Just like you do with me. You're important to this team and doing so much work to help so many people. Like Mike Peterson. He wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you." I let this sink in before pulling out my final step with an elbow into her arm. "I personally think it was just a heat of the moment thing, but even if it wasn't… are you about to let Melinda May win? Come on now. Things haven't changed that much around here."

There was a flash of a watery smile and then all of a sudden the headache was back. I leaned forward with both hands flying to my head. This one was much quicker than the other two- just a brief image. I was in a situation much similar to this one but someone who wasn't Skye was by my side. Another girl with hair of a similar color but much sharper. I knew her. I knew that I knew her. I needed to tell her something. She had to understand.

"I'm expendable," I tried to get through to her. "That's why I'm here."

And then it was gone. She was gone and a very worried Skye was back in her place. She was shouting my name again and again, piercing through the fog that had momentarily clouded my brain. "Ashleigh!" she shouted loud enough to make me flinch, right next to my ear.

"I'm here. I'm back. It's me," I spoke quickly, hand going to my now throbbing ear. Her hand was on my shoulder, grip uncomfortable. Had it always been there? I hadn't felt it before. "Whoa."

"What the hell just happened?! It was like before… when we were watching Thor. You just went somewhere else on me- like you were someone else."

"I think I was," I admitted, looking at her. She looked terrified. "I think… Lee and I think they're memories. It's the old me when I talk during these- the one who hadn't lost her memories yet." Her fear didn't seem to be abating at my rambling. "I need my book. There's a book in my drawer that I'm writing everything down in. I need to… there was a girl. There was a girl I knew."

Skye was off like a shot and I heard the sound of her tearing through the bunk a few away. She then took off at a run as I nursed my still pounding head. Why did I have to tell her that? I couldn't remember anymore once again and it was infuriating. Why did she need to know that?

Her footsteps returned a minute later with another pair following. There was the sound of a drawer opening and closing before they made their way over, whispering lowly. Skye entered and hopped onto her bed as Fitz followed behind her with my notebook and pen. "I brought reinforcements."

"You forgot to tell her it was in the secret side drawer of the dresser. Your clothes are in a bit of disarray at the moment." He extended the book and I snatched it, flipping to the third page and writing frantically how the girl looked before she slipped away. "What was it this time?"

"I was talking with someone. She was upset and I was talking to her."

"How often does this happen?" Skye questioned, still a little out of the loop and clearly freaking out about it.

"This is only the third time," Fitz explained. "But it's happening more frequently. The first one took her months, now they're coming a few days apart." I finished the description to my satisfaction and now scribbled my words. Where had I been? I couldn't remember now. But I knew I had followed her there.

"Why?" Skye asked as I came to a screeching finish, closing the book with a deep breath. I had managed to capture most of it.

"I have a working theory actually." Fitz took a seat on the floor, the attention of the both of us now locked on him. The headache was fading to the point it was a dull throb now. Whatever it was had passed. "So imagine Ash's memories are locked behind a door. A big thick door that nothing is able to get behind."

"Got it," Skye nodded.

"Lived it," I couldn't help but add. Looks like I was back to normal.

He gave me a quick flustered look before continuing. "So nothing is able to open the door. But then… we watch something so familiar and it pounds into the door so hard it makes a crack. A very specific item that was a one in a million chance, but her brain managed to pull of the impossible and key into the right… key really."

"That key being Thor fighting," I deduced.

"Exactly. A memory so specific it managed to let one memory slip through- the one that made you realize you had fought alongside Thor also."

"Excuse me?!" Skye cut in. "You did what now?!"

"He's a God. I'm sure he's kicking around in the future," I shrugged. "Please continue."

"But we're coming back to that right?" Skye objected. Fitz just glanced her way before deciding to keep moving forward.

"So now there's a crack in the door- it's not as solid as it once was. It's easier for things to slip out than it once was now that a critical blow has been dealt."

"I get more memories because my brain is now able to link things easier," I followed along. "It keeps getting easier for things to get through every time it happens."

"Exactly." He rose again. "But that's not the big question."

"Is this where we finally round back on the Thor thing? Because I've been unable to concentrate on anything else."

"What's the question?" I asked, ignoring her.

He pointed at the top of my head. "Who shut the door and put the lock on in the first place? And why did they do it?"

"Maybe whoever sent me here," I breathed, mind reeling a bit. I had always held fast to the belief that I had lost my memories voluntarily, but what if that wasn't the case? So many questions suddenly sprung to my mind. What if there was something I needed erased if they were going to send me here? Was there something I had known that was too dangerous for this time? Or even worse, what if there was something I needed to remember that someone was keeping me from? What if I had been intercepted someone to keep me from doing my job?

"What if someone got to me before Fury did?" I said just loud enough for the two of them to hear me. "Someone who needed the door closed." That was followed by something even worse. "And what if Fury knows and that's what he's protecting me from?"

Fitz and Skye were clearly deep in thought about this. I hadn't really had a chance to register that Skye now was in on this memory situation, but I was kind of relieved she knew now too. It was good to have people in my corner as things just seemed to keep spiraling. I had told her I was expendable. Is that- is that why this had happened to me? Because I was worth sending back and losing from my own time?

But I realized something else and rose, book under my arm. "We need to get back to the mission." They both looked at me like I was crazy, but I persisted. I would show them expendable. "We can focus and obsess on this when we don't have a million other things to worry about. There will be time. It's just not now. Myself and my head aren't going anywhere. But we need to stop Centipede before it's too late."

They seemed to reluctantly agree with me, Skye rising as well with a groan. She looked at the bin of ripped papers for a long moment before looking at myself. I gave her a nod and the two of us quickly deposited everything back on her bed as Fitz left for the lab with a wave. It looks like our pasts were pretty tangled now as we both searched together for some truths buried deep in the Agency we were surrounded by, both of them on the backburner for now though.

I left her bunk, remembering my desire to change sweaters, when I nearly ran into Mike Peterson. He was wearing some normal clothes at the moment, relieved of his battle gear for now it appeared. He seemed to be looking a lot better now judging by his color and the way he held himself, towering over me with a serious expression on his face. "Can I borrow you for a minute?"

"Sure." He left without another word and I followed him through the Bus to the Cage which had been temporarily refurbished to look more homey. It failed, still as cold and unwelcoming as ever. He took a seat on the bed that had been brought in while I pulled over a chair from the other side of the room. "What can I do for you?"

"Coulson told me I should find you," he explained. "He said that if I was looking for someone to just be supportive when you make a tough choice that you were the person to go to. That you always seemed to know the right thing to say to keep people going."

I felt myself blush. "Coulson's exaggerating… a lot."

He shook his head. "I don't think so. He's not the type. He means it… and I could really use that right now." He held his hand up, clutching a cell phone perhaps a little too tightly. "I haven't talked to or seen my son since…since…"

"Since you nearly went nuclear?" He nodded, almost looking ashamed. He hated that he had left his kid with that image of a man on the brink, driven by rage. "I've learned a thing or two about keeping things bottled in from people today," I reminded him. "And I suggest we avoid that here. So let's arrange a reunion."

"What if he hates me?" he let out what was probably his darkest fear on this whole matter. "What if I'm not the type of dad he can be proud of… and he know it."

"That's ridiculous," was all the answer I gave to that, complete with eye roll. Mike just stared at me, almost shocked at my easy dismissal of his worries. "Heroes see the good in people. And that kid… he's a hero. Especially if he's your son." There was a long pause as he just continued staring at me, almost making me worry I was completely falling down on the job here. But I continued my confidence and merely nodded towards the phone. "Well then, what are you waiting for? I think he's waited long enough!"

That managed to get a smile. "Looks like Coulson was right." And I felt a swell in my chest as he dialed, putting the phone to his ear. He answered after just a few rings and it was enough to make Mike's entire face light up. "Hey, Ace." He waited a beat before speaking again, tears almost coming to his eyes. I felt I had done my job and slowly stood up to creep out unnoticed. "It is so good to hear your voice, buddy. And I got some good news… I'm gonna get to come home and see you for a bit."

Just as I went to open the door, Mike spoke again in a completely different tone. "Ace, who's there with you? Where's your Aunt Mindy?" I turned back to him, watching as his look became one of horror. My hair suddenly stood on end, sensing this situation wasn't good in the slightest. "Raina, what have you done to him?!"

Shit. I was running towards him now, mind going a thousand miles per hour. Raina had Ace. She had kidnapped his son. "Raina, I'm not playing games! You'd better not have hurt him!" His desperation was bleeding right into me and I found myself nearly panicking as well. She could kill him with one wrong move. She had stopped us right in our tracks because I was not about to do anything that could hurt Ace. I had promised myself that Centipede wasn't hurting anyone else if there was anything I could do about it. "What do you want Raina? I'll do anything just so long as you don't touch him." He waited, pacing now in anger and frustration. She had said something that had made him very upset, almost put him at war with himself. "Raina, I don't- I can't just trade you someone else. There has to be something else. Anything else." She clearly wasn't having it through and his internal battle increased.

She wanted him I deduced there. She needed him for some sort of test or experiment for these new soldiers. She was going to keep father and son separated by reversing the situation. Mike would become her personal lab rat and Centipede would have everything it needed.

I reacted before I even thought, snatching the phone from him and holding it up. "Raina, this is Agent Ashleigh Crawford. I know you have no idea who I am, but I am a member of Coulson's team. A very valuable member. One that he would do anything to keep. Now I say Mike and his family have suffered enough at the hands of you. You have torn their lives apart enough. So I am going to offer you something and I'm only going to offer it to you once. You want Coulson off your back? For your soldiers to stop dying unnecessarily?" I kept going, leaving no room to change my mind. "There's a way to do that. And it's to take me instead of Mike."

He stepped towards me, but I held my hand out. "Take me and all the trouble stops. I won't fight or struggle. Everyone leaves you alone and in turn you leave them alone- especially Mike and Ace. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."

I felt like I was going to throw up at the silence on the other hand, so I gave the phone back to Mike as I nearly fell onto the bed. I forced my stomach to keep it together as Mike listened to Raina for a long time, nodding and agreeing to whatever she was saying before finally hanging up. "You didn't have to do that!" he snapped.

I couldn't help my sadistic smile. "She took the deal?"

"She gave me a time and place. You for Ace." I nodded, forcing myself to my feet. We needed to tell Coulson and get ready. He was right at my heels, still questioning. "Why did you do that?!"

I whirled so we were face-to-face, eyes narrowing. "I did it because you are a good person Mike. And I am not handing you over to be tortured or mutilated by her again!" I took a step back, forcing my fists to open. "I also did it because I was bluffing if they do take me. I have nothing to offer about S.H.I.E.L.D. I have no codes or secrets to offer them which makes me the perfect choice. I'm a fake Agent. And her taking me isn't nearly enough to stop Coulson. It will just make him fight harder."

"Even if get you killed because of it?"

I paused at the bottom of the stairs to Coulson's office, taking a deep breath. The words that came to me somehow made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. "I'm expendable." And then I started up, ready to make a plan that would hopefully save everyone. Maybe including myself if we got lucky.

XXX

The conversation with Coulson went about as well as expected. He had taken me a little bit to task for my act of sacrifice without consulting anyone on the matter. But he couldn't argue my points about why I was the safest option. And he was more than committed to finding a way to get us all out of this situation without losing me to Centipede for good. There was no way around them taking me it seemed with the instructions that had been given, but they might be able to save me in record time if everything worked out. And Coulson wasn't going to let any part of this not work out. It was the personal drive he needed to send him into high gear. I was doing something pretty unprecedented. I was going to let the team protect me this time and he seemed determined to not let me down.

Everyone was gathered in our living room area a short time later at his call, knowing it was serious as he launched into the plan he had decided upon without hesitation. "Raina, and thus Centipede, has Ace." Everyone reacted with the appropriate horror, which for May meant a slight hardening expression and Ward nothing at all. Simmons and Skye seemed to reel the most. "They want a trade. They've set a time and place."

"For Mike?" Fitz questioned, clearly disgusted. "Bloody savages."

"No." Coulson took a deep breath before continuing. "Crawford took it upon herself to offer up as the trade instead." This seemed to get an even bigger rise out of everyone. Mya even uncrossed her arms. "And they accepted."

"What were you thinking Crawford?" Ward questioned harshly, but I remained resolute at Coulson's side. Mike kept glancing at me as if expecting me to give in at any moment- hoping I would too. But I wasn't changing my mind. This was what needed to happen.

"Seriously?!" Skye agreed. "We're not letting her do it right? We're not letting them take her."

"Of course we're bloody not." Fitz was staring daggers into me. I knew he was pissed at me for doing this, but he also in a way sounded like he wasn't surprised this had happened. I'm sure he had been expecting this at one time or another. I knew we would be having a long talk about my sense of heroism later… if there was one. No. I couldn't think like that. We had a plan. It was going to be fine.

"What other options are there?" May questioned, surprising everyone. "We can't give them Mike and we can't let them keep Ace."

"I'm the least valuable here," I spoke up. "They will get literally nothing out of me."

"That's not the point," Fitz argued. "We are not giving you over to them and that's final."

"I don't think you get to make that call," Coulson challenged, still calm though.

"May I remind all of you she is from the future?" Simmons cut in. "Giving her over to them… it could be catastrophic for everyone. However, this happened in her past… she wasn't here to take Mike's place. This is not how it was meant to happen."

"Well, it's happening," Skye disagreed. "But, no, she's not going."

"And then they kill Ace," May reminded her.

Ward shook his head, plans already going through it rapidly. "We've fought these guys before. We could do it again. Make sure they don't even get a hand on her."

"We don't have a choice," Coulson disagreed. It clearly wasn't the answer anyone wanted but he continued. "The instructions they gave Mr. Peterson were very specific. I called HQ- told them to stand down."

"Stand down?" May questioned, flipping tracks quickly. She had been playing Devil's Advocate before, but now that it seemed Coulson was giving in she was quick to change her attack. This wasn't how things were done and she knew it. Or maybe it was that she actually cared about me enough not to risk my skin for a long shot.

"So we take them alone," Ward shrugged as if it was nothing.

"We should at least have a hostage-rescue unit in support of this," May reminded Coulson of protocol. Ah, of course it was that rather than me. We had been growing as a team, but not enough if a child was at stake and I was willing. May knew better than to challenge me when I had my mind on something and she knew it. It was how this was being done where she had the issues.

"They said they would murder my son," Mike interrupted everything from where he had sat down. "If we make one wrong move."

"Any electronics, any comms, any sign of surveillance and they'll terminate the arrangement," Coulson informed them all of what Raina had spent so long discussing with Mike.

"So it's easy really," I spoke up, knowing I was the only hope of getting the team together on this. "We let them take me. And then we hope the plan works."

"Plan? What plan?" Skye asked, everyone turning to look at Coulson.

"Fitz-Simmons have a non-electric method of tracking him."

Fitz instantly caught on. "Simmons fabricated an odorless scent and I have the instrument that can detect it. Work like a bloodhound, can track someone from over 50 kilometers."

"After we make the trade, we follow Crawford," Coulson laid out what we had settled on. "We find her as soon as she's been driven away and we take all of S.H.I.E.L.D. with us to get to Centipede once and for all…and get her back home."

I looked at Mike Peterson, who had so much guilt hanging on his shoulders. "I will be fine. I'm strong. I can do this. They will get nothing useful out of me and I can promise you they won't break me either." I held up the arm with the tattoo. "Especially if it saves someone else." I looked and met everyone's eyes. "You'll find me. I know you all will." I turned to Mike again, resting a hand on his shoulder. "And we will get your son back. I promise."

"Let's get ready to head out," Coulson announced. "We need to be ready in an hour if we're going to get to the location in time. I would also like a word with Ward and May in my office." The two of them followed him out, leaving me with a very upset group of people.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Skye spoke first.

"It's for Ace," I reminded her, nodding towards where Mike was still sitting. "It's what needs to be done and there's no way around that."

She came at me and I half expected her to punch me, but instead she pulled me into a bear hug that nearly left me struggling to breathe. "You'd better not die."

"I'll do my best." I looked at Fitz over her shoulder as he scratched the back of his head.

"Come on Simmons," he started for the lab. "We need to run a test on that scent. It needs to be perfect before we even consider using it on her." Simmons instantly followed, looking back at me over her shoulder as Skye pulled away. I remembered something and unclipped the hamster ball from my belt, getting to Fitz just as he entered the lab.

I extended it towards him. "Take care of him while I'm gone."

He hesitated for a long moment, but finally took it gently as if it might break. "He won't even realize you were ever gone," he vowed. I nodded, knowing this was his sign of support at my decision. Or as close as I ever was going to get to one.

"Fair enough then."

XXX

The drive out was mostly silent. Skye was driving the van while Simmons and Fitz hovered in the back with myself. I was trying to keep my mind on anything but what was about to happen once Centipede had me, instead taking to tracing the lines of my tattoo again and again for an extra resolve. It held fast as we came to a stop on an abandoned bridge. I climbed out of the van to get a look at it. The whole sky was dark and created an air of isolation as pockets of light only cropped up from the flashing construction sign light at the entrance. Otherwise the place was completely silent and it made things infinitely eerie. Goosebumps ran up my arms despite my sweater which I realized I had never changed. The snot was still crusted on my sleeve. I picked at it absently as Fitz grabbed the equipment, realizing a few hours ago that being from the future was my biggest concern.

Simmons cleared her throat and I looked up see she was holding the swab they had tested in the little time they had. It had worked perfectly. I extended the hand without the tattoo and she did lay some plastic over it as Fitz and Skye observed.

"Once the swap happens, I'll fire up my equipment," Fitz instructed me. "We'll be able to track you wherever they take you and get you out before anything happens to you."

"Just make sure Ace is alright first." Simmons removed the strip and I took a deep breath. "It's going to be fine." I don't know if that was for myself of for them.

Coulson and Mike approached then. "Time to go." I nodded as they started away, looking over the trio one last time. I hadn't really seen May or Ward since the pow-wow, but maybe that was for the best. These three though… these were the especially hard ones.

I hugged Simmons first, quickly but affectionately. And then was Skye, who rocked me back and forth a few times before she let go. And last was Fitz as I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, not really ever wanting to let go. "Remember, Lee, we still have that Girl Talk when all this was done." It was the one thing I was giving myself. It was my one shred of hope that waited at the end of this tunnel.

"The moment we are back on the Bus I am all yours," he vowed, pulling back just enough to rest his forehead against mine. "I will find you."

"I know you will." I had every faith in him. "You're my brilliant genius after all." And with that, I pulled away and went with Coulson and Mike. Mike had said that Coulson was supposed to come with to act as our moderator for the exchange- another request of Raina's it seemed.

We weaved our way through the cars and flashing orange construction equipment to where two people had just climbed out of a black car on the other side. I was between the two gentleman and doing my best to stand as tall as possible.

"We won't let you down," Coulson said so only I could hear as we walked through the darkness to meet them.

"It wasn't supposed to go down like this," Mike sighed from next to me. "I'm gonna make this right, I swear."

"It's fine, Mike. It was my choice," I reminded him as we stopped at the halfway point to meet another one of the soldiers and a girl in shining stain dress who was smiling with a sparkle in her eye.

"Hello, Mike," she greeted our tall compatriot warmly, sending a shiver down my spine. "It's been awhile. Your son is adorable and he looks just like you."

I could feel him tense next to me and narrowed my eyes at the one who must be Raina. "That's enough," I warned her. She turned her attention to myself and Coulson as if noticing us for the first time.

"I don't believe I've had the pleasure."

"Lucky for you." Coulson wasn't playing any of her games it seemed.

She gave a sigh of disappointment it almost seemed and smiled back at Mike, who looked ready to throttle her. "I have to thank you, Mike, for holding up you end of the deal."

I took a step forward. "Let's just cut to the chase. I'm Ashleigh Crawford. You give us Ace and then you get me."

Raina had that sparkle again. "Oh, that wasn't the deal."

Excuse me?

Coulson looked just as put off as I felt. "What's happening here, Mike?"

Raina smiled at us. "You see, we thought Ace was more valuable than just the life of a common blonde Agent. So we made this exchange two for the price of one. We would give Mike his son if he delivered the both of you."

No. I went to object, but Mike had already sprung forward and now held Raina by her throat as the soldier as her side merely observed. I grabbed his arm, but it was of no use as he simply batted me back on my butt. "I'm not at full strength, but I can still crush your throat. New deal!" he declared loudly. "My son for your life!"

I hoisted myself back to my feet as Raina didn't seem unnerved in the slightest at this threat. "Sadly, my employer cares no more for my life than your son's." She almost somehow seemed businesslike over the prospect of her dying and it was very disconcerting. "If I die, so does he, and his death will be much worse."

Coulson put a hand on Mike this time. Coulson. It had been Coulson she had commanded he hand over, not himself. I had read that completely wrong! I couldn't let this happen. "You need to let her go," Coulson instructed gently.

"I was going to tell them they could have me," he made clear, desperate. I stood behind Coulson, offering my support as well while trying to figure out how the hell to get us out of this. "But then they wanted you. And then she had to go and offer herself too." He locked eyes with Coulson. "Why do they want you?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly, "But if you kill this woman you'll never see your son again."

"But how will I look him in the eye?" He glanced between the two of us. "How will I explain what I did?"

"We talked about this," Coulson replied. Whatever it was, it seemed to be enough.

"I'm so sorry." And with that, Mike released Raina. She took a gulp of air and quickly regained her composure to meet the two of us staring her down.

"Let's finish this," Coulson declared. "But on the condition you take only me and Agent Crawford goes free."

She seemed to consider this, but I had a say in the matter. "No deal." I stepped up beside him now, nodding. "You heard the deal. It's the both of us or none of us."

Raina seemed delighted by this as I met Coulson with an unwavering gaze. I wasn't letting him do this alone. I had the scent on me. They could find both of us now. This could still work. Raina turned and gave a hand signal to the remaining soldier who opened one of the car doors.

"Dad!" A little boy came out like a shot right for Mike, who hoisted him into his arms. It was enough to make it all worth it. He instantly started to back away from us.

"If there had been any other way…"

"it's okay," I comforted him. "You were his hero… and that's all that matters."

And with that I felt something being shoved into my back, a pinching sensation that made me gasp. A sudden cold spread through me and it was like everything locked up all at once. I fell forward towards the pavement, only to be scooped into the arms of one of the soldiers.

"Crawford!" Coulson cried, but soon it was clear from his grunt that they had got him too. It tried to struggle and fight, but now I felt even my mind slowing down a bit. I was unable to move anything at all, completely helpless as I was hauled towards the car. Even when I tried screaming my lungs made no sound. I was petrified my heart would stop beating soon. I could barely even keep my eyes open.

They drifted closed just at the sound of something exploding echoed around me, sudden rush of heat hitting me like a wave. The soldier remained steady though, as if he had been expecting it. We changed directions moving somewhere else. I couldn't muster the strength to open my eyes and see though.

The team would find us. They would save us.

I was deposited onto to some form a grate floor harshly, falling over so the pattern was digging into my cheek. Someone pulled me upright as someone else landed next to me. It had to be Coulson, who seemed just as out of it as I was.

Another explosion echoed- this one smaller though. And then after a moment came the sound of whirring and the sensation of being lifted off the ground I had become very familiar with. We were in the air. They were flying us out of here. Fitz… Fitz wouldn't be able to trace me. I wouldn't get to tell him. We wouldn't get to have our talk.

I realized now what my plaque would say- what I would add to my speech. I had already written it a long time ago. It was so obvious. I would join Coulson's team and I was going to save whoever I could.

Mine was my tattoo.

I wish I could let them know that somehow. Or at least that they come up with something cool when they make it.

There were voices but I couldn't make them out in the slightest. I merely drifted in and out, helicopter blades the only constant against the darkness beneath my eyelids. I fought like hell though and finally I was able to force them open, vision blurring for a long moment before coming into focus.

We were flying over darkness, impossible to tell where we were. Coulson was next to me and judging by how he turned his head to check on me he had fared a little better under this solution than I had. God, my tongue felt like sandpaper.

"Whatever this is, whatever you think you're doing, it won't work," Coulson remained defiant. "I won't give you what you want. And she can't even if she wanted to."

"Oh, you both will," Raina said slowly, happily. "What we want is simple." She looked skyward as if in disbelief. "I just still can't believe our luck. Not only does he agree to hand you over, but the second target we thought we'd need another op for just offers herself up." She snapped. "Just like that. And then we had you both so quickly. And the sooner we can begin with the two of you, the better after all."

This… this wasn't making sense. I… I was disposable. That's why I had done this. I was completely useless to Centipede as an Agent. She had to be bluffing. "What… what could you possibly need… from us?" I slurred. She seemed to understand me though.

She turned to Coulson first. "We want you to tell us about the day after you died." Well, I hadn't been expecting that. Color me surprised. And then her dark, large orbs of eyes locked on mine, making me feel as if I was property somehow. "And as for you, well we're going to find out the secrets the girl from the future has buried away in her thick, blonde skull."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I felt everything go cold as my breathing stopped, like a fresh helping of ice sliding through my veins.

It was so much that everything closed in like a tunnel before going black as I finally lost my foot hold and slid out of consciousness.

XXX

 _Well, there we are. Buckle up. The next one is going to be very rough. But don't worry- the team is going to stop at nothing to get Ashleigh back on the Bus. Though the state she will be in might be another matter entirely._

 _Sorry this was so late. First it was sickness, then school, and then life in general. Thank you all so much for your patience and support. I hope it was worth the wait and that I will see you all again much sooner._

 _Thank you to all those who have put this story on alert for keeping tabs on me: theallureofdarkness, icklebit, mlr96, kadmac, ProperEnglish, .98, Emily'sImagination, crawler123, hlavender234, teenw, emfalcon, Lulalulale, SapphireTrafficker, ElijahJessGodric, Robyn-in-the-air, Vermilion Fire, RiverWinchester, Andysteve1311, novaturient, lovelittleberry, IceQueen204, and Midnight Hikari._

 _Thank you to all those who have elevated this story to the grand level of among their favorites for the honor: AthenaB, mlr96, 7upvodka, .98, fanfictionfreak221, Emily'sImagination, QueenSuzannaofWesteros, Lanerain, Blackhawk34, Thegirlwhowaited24601, crawler123, hlavender234, Haziebug, XxCupcakeAssassinxX, Lulalulale, SapphireTrafficker, Triggerfinger213, ElijahJessGodric, Robyn-in-the-air, Vermilion Fire, lovelittleberry, Andysteve1311, novaturient, AMV1999, and Ice Queen 204._

 _And thank you to my lovely reviewers for all the words that keep me going and make me better: Guest, NessieBooEvans, Thegirlwhowaited24601, VioletKane, Emily'sImagination, eckles my dear friend who I hope enjoyed his trip, mlr96, AthenaB, Guest, CharTheMander, XxAmyTheGreatxX, Bruna Santos 30 my foreign reviewer, and yet another Guest. Thank you all._

 _Thank you all again for everything. This story continues to floor me in how loved it and Ashleigh Crawford have become. I look forward to the second half of Season One with everyone!_


	23. Picking Fights

_Picking Fights_

I opened my eyes suddenly like a switch, awakening with a huge gasping cough. It was like I had sawdust in my lungs that I needed to free so I could breathe. I took several before I finally felt capable of registering anything else, mind suddenly remembering the situation I was currently in. And that Coulson was sitting right across from me about six feet away, tied down very effectively to chair and staring at me with a deep amount of concern.

I tried to get up and free him, only to realize I wasn't moving a muscle. Sensation started to come back to me as I saw that I was in a chair myself with ropes snaking this way and that to restrain me to it. My legs were tied together and then to one of the legs and my arms were each tied to an arm with my palms up. Coulson had his behind his back, but mine were up so my sweater- the crusty sweater I was going to burn after this- could be pulled down and my tattoo exposed.

My head went back to Coulson as I curled my fingers, thankful whatever solution they had used on me seemed to have worn off. I hadn't liked not being in control of my own body in the slightest. I then noticed our surrounding, a small room about the size of our living room on the Bus with no light sources except a window that was behind me from the slants of light and what seemed to be a giant glowing machine with screens on each side. It had a piece that extended over a table where it looked someone lay, blue lights blinking down upon it. It was like something out of a science fiction movie and instantly my breath sped up a bit. I did a quick check on the rest of the room, seeing that we looked to be alone for now. There was only one exit and Jesus! I nearly leaped out of my skin at the sight of a creepy frozen plastic child standing by one of the walls.

"I did that the first time I saw it too," Coulson finally spoke up, trying to sound as if we both hadn't been kidnapped by the literal creepiest girl I had ever met. He had a bruise on the side of his head

I turned back to him, trying to force the ropes to have some give though it seemed like a shot in this very cramped dark. "How long was I out?"

"Three of four hours since we landed," he offered. I froze. It had already been that long? The team had been so optimistic they could get me back within the hour when they had been planning this. "Obviously, our means of escape made things more difficult for them. But they will come."

I was starting to give my arms rope burn, but I continued to twist wildly. I knew the team would stop at nothing, but I needed to make sure I could help them in any way I could. And that meant getting out of here. But wait. "Where are we?"

"I unfortunately don't know. They covered my eyes before they landed and dragged me in." We both glanced at the mannequin in the corner again. "Wherever it is, it appears deserted. There hasn't been the sound of anyone since we arrived other than our captors. Even if we did escape, I don't know if there would be anywhere to run."

I finally gave up on the ropes, settling a bit. It looked like we were staying put for now. "Where's Crazy Raina?"

His look became dark. "She hasn't been back in since they restrained the both of us. Her words were that she wanted both of us to be up so we could support the other."

"She wants us to see what they do to the other," I rephrased in the more appropriate context. "She's hoping to break one of us when they go after the other." His jaw was flexing now and every part of him seemed to get a little tenser at what was about to happen. I tried to reassure him. "Sir, I know I do not have the training that you do for these types of situations. And I'm not going to lie, it's going to be near impossible to watch them hurt you." I knitted my eyebrows together in determination. "But I am not giving them a damn thing no matter what. I know I need to be an Agent right now. So I will be an Agent and follow protocol. I won't be a weak link you have to worry about."

He let out a long sigh. "It's not you being the weak link I'm worried about." I let those words sink in a moment and realized he was speaking of himself. My eyes went to his forehead again.

"How did you get the bruise, sir?" He didn't answer and he didn't have to. "Sir, with all respect, if I'm not doing stupid things for you than you're not allowed to do stupid things for me. We both have to hold on until the team gets here. We have to hold on."

"They said you would be going first… and it made me in her words 'a bit uncooperative'." I went to say something, but it was in that moment that the satin of Raina's dress behind Coulson caught my eye. She walked into the room with the slow click of her heels, the towering giant of Edison Po coming in behind her.

"Well, look who rested up enough to come back to us," she smiled, resting a hand on the back of the chair. "We've been quite patient waiting for you to wake up. You see, we believe that around here… the ladies should go first." She turned to look at Po before turning back to give me that piercing stare of hers. "Plus, we're very excited to learn what the future will be like."

I smirked, refusing to break eye contact. "I'm afraid I won't be able to help you there." My voice was like stone, completely free of any inflection- challenging. "Because I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

She almost seemed delighted that I was picking this route, taking a grand step back so Po could step towards me. "We'll just see about that." And with that she became obscured from view. Everything became obscured from view by Po's hulking figure. I tried to force my heart from racing, but it only went so far as he tipped the chair back so my feet were dangling off the floor.

"You don't look like you're from the future." The way he spoke was slow, calculated. It was almost as if it was designed to intimidate and unfortunately it was working. I could feel my dry mouth dry up even more as I let out a shuddering breath. But I refused to be bullied.

"That's because I'm not."

Crack! My head snapped to the side as he stuck me with the back his hand, eyes rolling back into my head at the sheer force of it. My cheek felt like it was on fire as I turned back to him, doing my best to look as if I hadn't been rattled in the slightest. "Hitting me isn't going to change the truth." I narrowed my eyes. "Is this all you expect from and Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"Ah, but I'm not talking to an Agent am I?" he smirked, hand going to my neck and lifting me off the ground completely. My face was now inches from his as I struggled to breathe, feet swinging in an attempt to land a hit anywhere I could. "I'm talking to merely a girl. A girl who found herself in this time under the protection of the safest organization she could when she landed in the Director's office. A girl who pretended so she could save people. A brave girl, but still just a girl."

How the hell did he know this? Because this wasn't shots in the dark. These were specific details. How did they know anything about me? Fury had kept me so tightly under wraps for this very reason I'm sure, and he wasn't the type to let things slip through the cracks like this.

He set me down then and my shoes tapped the floor like they never wanted to leave it again. I took a couple of quick breaths so the room stopped spinning. But I kept my mouth firmly shut. I wasn't giving him anymore openings to try to scare me with his knowledge again. He couldn't catch me with my guard down if I refused to give him even an inch. I moved my gaze from staring at him to a point on the wall with a turn of my head, focusing on it with all my might and tuning out burn of my cheek or the pounding of my heart. I focused on what May had taught me and blocked everything but that spot on the wall out.

His hand went around my neck again, but I tried to block it out. It was right on my pulse point, meaning he could hear my heart. "I could kill you without any effort." His hand then pulled away and he paced around me, sending a jolt up my spine as he removed my hair from its ponytail and let it fall around my face in limp, dirty strands. I fought the urge to vomit as he ran a hand through the back of it, hearing the sound of Coulson struggling in his chair. He pulled it back sharply, causing me to stare at the dark, white ceiling. My breathing got harsher as I felt cold metal against my cheek, instantly knowing it was a blade of some sort. But I kept looking straight ahead, even as the hand with the blade ran its way down my side before returning back to my face. "I could do what men have been doing to girls for centuries." I felt my stomach pitch but I didn't move a muscle. I didn't even dare blink.

Finally, after a tense minute that seemed like an eternity, he released me hair and pulled the knife away with a solid swipe. The blood started dripping down my cheek instantly, but there was nothing I could do about that. "But that is not who I am. I am much more… sophisticated." He turned to Raina now. "I think we should get them some water. They must be quite thirsty." The two of them started out, feet creaking on the floorboards. "Then we can continue."

I waited a solid minute after they were gone before I dare breathe and look away from the wall, eyes going right to an almost frantic Coulson. It was incredibly macabre, but I forced a smile. "Well, that wasn't bad for a first round."

He didn't seem to enjoy my attempt at humor. He was now working on his restraints, hands shuffling behind his back. "We need to get out of here."

"Sir, you're the one who said we most likely won't make it very far," I reminded him, almost surprised at how calm my voice sounded.

"Well, anywhere would be better than here with them."

"We just need to give them a few more hours." I took a deep breath, noticing the blood had now dripped down onto my sweater. It was getting super burned now. "In a few hours they will be here and this will all be over. I can hold on a few more hours… and so can you."

He paused, thinking something over. "If it gets to be too much- "

"It won't sir."

"If it gets to be too much," he overrode my insistence, "Then you tell them the truth. You are from the future but you have no memories of it. The information will still be useless to them- there's nothing they can do with that."

"But it will be confirming that whoever they're getting their information from was right. And I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of think they're on the right track." I heard a creak and we both froze, only for nothing to happen. It must have been the building itself. The place seemed like it was ready to fall apart at the slightest touch. "How did he know all that about me, sir?"

"I don't know. I worry Centipede is better stocked in information than we comprehended." He was going to say more, but in that moment Po and Raina reentered the room. He was carrying a bucket in one hand and a small folding table that must have been in another room. He propped the table in front of me before setting the bucket upon it so I could see the murky blackness of sloshing water right below me.

Just as I realized what was happening, he was shoving my head forward until it was under the freezing water. I instantly tried to snap it back up, eyes squeezed shut, but his hand held me firmly in place despite my wiggling and squirming under his grasp. Just as I was running out of air he released me and I sat back up with a gasp. Water dripped down my face, hair now clinging to the sides and front of my face haphazardly.

"Screw you," I spat with venom. And then I was under again, this time until my lungs were burning. I could hear Coulson shouting from his side of the room, but they were clearly ignored by our captors. I could barely inhale when I was shoved under again. This time though seemed like an eternity as I tried to keep as still as possible. I knew struggling would be pointless and only egg Po. Finally, my instincts overrode my brain and I took a deep gulp in, inhaling nothing but water. It was now I was finally released, coughing and hacking fiercely as my vision swam before me. I swore I was going to pass out for a moment. My lungs were practically screaming, desperately trying to purge themselves of water. God, this was awful. I couldn't- I couldn't do that again. I couldn't. Please don't put me back in there.

But then my head was being twisted so I was looking at Po, bruise on my cheek stinging and he squeezed my face tightly and forced my blinking eyes to meet his. "Well, girl, how about now? Are we feeling more agreeable? Or do we need some more?"

No. No, I really didn't. I honestly was hitting the point where I just wanted to curl up and cry. A small part of my brain was requesting that I stop fighting, that I at least give my body some relief. My lungs couldn't handle it anymore. The voice was growing louder with each passing second, to the point I almost started to shake my head and open my mouth.

But then I remembered the team. I pictured each and every single one of them in a quick flash, remembering what the tattoo on my wrist said though I couldn't look at it. I thought of Fitz and how much he was counting on me to pull through. I thought of Skye and how she needed me to help he solve the mystery of her past. I thought of Coulson across the way and how if I gave in they were just going to move on to him. If there was anything I could always fall back on it was my protective instincts. And now I was handing them the steering wheel to this mess so they could guide and drive me. It would have barely been a few hours I held out. I knew I could do better than that. I knew I had to do better than that.

So I turned back to silently facing the wall I had before, refusing to say anything. The only sounds were beads of water dripping off my hair and hitting the wooden floor. It filled the room as everyone waited, including myself, for what the next move would be. But Po could dunk me in that cold water until I passed out. I was not betraying anyone or anything for this man. At this moment, losing a battle was okay if we won the war.

I heard the knife before I saw it. I tried not to flinch at the sound, but a shudder ran through my whole body. "Perhaps I'm not making myself clear enough." His free hand held my arm down and the knife hovered over my tattoo. "This is your last chance to explain what this means, girl." I just kept staring straight, eyes meeting Coulson and using him to anchor me in the moment. He was clearly trying to keep his feelings buried for my sake, and it actually helped in my remaining neutral as well.

Honestly, all I wanted right now was Cheesetauri at my side, squeaking from his little ball on my hip. I felt like I could be much braver with him. But I was also glad he was nowhere near this sociopath- safe with Fitz somewhere far away from here. Maybe never coming far away- stop. I had to stay positive. They just needed a bit more time. They would be here. The seconds ticked by into minutes and finally Po had enough. "Then I guess there's no reason why this is here then."

I felt the knife go into my right wrist and bit my lip hard to force back the scream. It wasn't a deep, plunging cut at all, but hell did I still feel it even if it was just breaking the skin. And he kept going, moving the knife around my skin in what seemed to be a circular motion. My lip was now bleeding and the pain was like fire spreading up my arm. I tried to rock the chair and get away, but he held me steady like an anchor. Coulson was trying to fight his bonds as well, shouting things I didn't have the energy to focus on. Because I could feel the blood now, warm and sticky moving around my arm. He kept going and the pain only increased until all I could see was red.

I couldn't hold it in any longer and started screaming. I couldn't bear it anymore, cries of agony pouring out from my very soul. I was completely drained and used every last bit of energy in my cries, bouncing them off the walls of the empty room with tears in my eyes. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" came ripping out between my cries. Coulson was white now, almost petrified by this exhibit. My nerve endings were absolutely on fire, making it all unbearable. I had never felt pain like this before. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" I shouted again, begging and pleading for this to end. Still Po kept doing whatever he was doing and I clenched my eyes together so tight after a flash of red that I saw bright spots of light. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I DON'T KNOW… ANYTHING!"

And then it was all too much, every sensation and thought. I was almost glad when it all went black.

XXX

I heard the sounds of screaming first, but they weren't my own judging on how raw my throat felt. It was enough to give me a jump start though as I forced my eyes open in record time and tried to blink until the room was no longer swimming before me. The first thing I recognized was the empty chair in front of me, and I quickly turned to find the source of the cries.

It was Coulson. He was sprawled out on the bed of that weird machine, blue light shining down onto the crown of his head. He had been stripped of his suit jacket and now merely lay there in his white shirt, bottom corner ripped apart and missing a strip. He let out another cry of pain that split my heart in two. I had caused this. I hadn't been strong enough. I tried to move, to run over and save him somehow, but of course I was still bound to this chair with no signs of getting free anytime soon. I tried to shout out to Coulson- to let him know I was here, but my voice cracked immediately.

I then remembered what had caused my previous screams and the burning returned almost instantly. I looked down at my right wrist, seeing it had been wrapped tightly with many layers of white fabric. The missing piece of Coulson's shirt. Patches of copper were on the edge of my sweater sleeve, along with a small puddle that had dried on the floor. It looked like I had lost quite a bit and took a moment to be thankful I hadn't bled out. It still burned horribly, but the sensation of the knife and the blood dripping had thankfully been removed. It somehow made it slightly more tolerable, enough so that I could focus back on Coulson.

The screaming had stopped now, causing a quiet to come over this desolate room. Raina had vanished and one of what I guessed was a Centipede soldier had taken her place. He was poised silently in the corner, observing. Po was in a chair of his own, a large plush one with a drink in his hand. He hadn't seemed to notice me yet, and if he did he showed no signs of interest. It was clearly Coulson's turn now.

Po nodded at the soldier, who took a few steps forward and held something under Coulson's nose that jolted him awake. "It seems you passed out," he stated to my leader simply. I twisted in my binds, but the pain in my wrist soon made it too much as the rope rubbed against it. "Now maybe you're ready to share what memories you're seeing."

Memories? That machine… it showed you your memories? Coulson took a few deep breaths before answering. "I saw… Jordan… hitting that game-winner over Russell in the '98 finals." He somehow smiled, and I was glad to see he was still just as defiant as I had hoped. "So clutch."

"Agent Coulson, we're gonna turn the machine back on and open your mind." What the hell did this machine do? "It's time to stop fighting it. If you don't, you won't survive the process."

"I'll let you kill me before I give you anything." Yes. Go Coulson. "Seem you have a taste for that anyway… murdered Mike Peterson in front of his own son."

Mike. Oh, Mike. He must have gone back for us. I remembered the heat of an explosion and felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of Mike within them. But unfortunately I couldn't mourn him now or beat myself up for my failure to keep his family together. Right now I had keep Coulson and I going- keep us alive. And that meant going back on what I had told my boss. I was going to say something stupid to protect him.

"Mr. Peterson chose that end," Po said fiercely, rising from his chair to stand over Coulson. I worked my voice up, trying to get enough strength to at least get one sentence out. "We gave him his life and his child unscathed." He paused before continuing, look going from anger to almost glee. A sadistic glee. "You're just upset because that man's death hit so close to home- seeing a boy lose his father at such a young age. A defining moment." Okay, this was getting scary now. There was no way Po could know something like that- something I was pretty sure no one but Fury and Hill probably knew. It was too personal. "The Clairvoyant saw that."

Coulson seemed to have a better response than I did. "I hate to break it to you, but your telepathic friend is a fraud. Otherwise, he'd know all these answers, and I wouldn't be here."

Po began pacing now, contemplative. "It's true… this is strange. My friend can see that you died. You went cold. Your heart was torn to pieces. What the Clairvoyant can't see is what happened after… how they brought you back from the dead."

"He also couldn't see… how hard we're going… to kick your ass!" I seized my moment, earning the attention of the whole room. Po whirled in an instant, dark eyes burrowing holes into me. Coulson tried to pick his head up, but he couldn't quite get high enough to see me.

"Take him away," he nodded towards Coulson. "Let him get some rest. We will return to him later." My plan had worked. The attention was back on me now and Coulson could gather some of his strength back up before they came at him again.

"No. No. No," Coulson disagreed as Po focused in on me. He could barely put up a fight as the one soldier carried him out of the room. "Worry about me. I have more to give you." I couldn't help but wince at his words- I hadn't quite wanted that. I also would have preferred him to stay within my eyesight, but I get the feeling what I wanted didn't matter. I didn't have much time to argue that as Po approached me.

"You are stronger than I give you credit for, Ashleigh Crawford." He stepped behind me again, blocking the light from the window. "When the Clairvoyant told me your story, of the girl pretending, I expected this to be simple. But you have quite the head on your shoulders."

"Thanks for the compliment," I gritted out. This was leading somewhere, and I don't think I was going to like it. He put a hand on my wrapped wrist, causing me to grit my teeth at the pain that erupted, looking upward for a second.

"And I think I have figured out how." He reached behind me, eyes completely focused in on mine in a way that betrayed how absolutely insane he was. "It's a few simple words really. Words about protection. Words that give direction. Words you can always fall back on." And then he pulled his hand back to hold something in front of me. It was just a tan blur at first, and I was unable to register what it was. "But what will you become without them?"

And then I registered what it was I was looking at as I noticed the writing.

 _Find Coulson's Team. You Need to Save Him._

My entire stomach pitched violently and I found myself leaning forward and getting sick all over my sneakers despite having next to nothing in my stomach. Now I would have to burn those with the sweater. Honestly, I was probably burning this whole outfit now. I wanted to get as far from this day as possible. Po was chuckling as I finished, but I just remained curled up in pure shock. I didn't want to look at it again.

Because he had my tattoo. God, I wanted to throw up again just thinking about it. But he literally held my tattoo in his hand. What he had been holding was my skin. He had literally cut my tattoo off.

I couldn't fight the bile as I threw up once again, foul taste in my mouth and chest heaving as I tried to keep breathing. The bastard had literally removed my tattoo. He had just robbed me of it while I passed out and suffered in agony. The pain in my wrist almost heightened as I realized everything was exposed under there without skin. It was probably infected at this point. I… I almost felt violated. Like something had been done that made me feel rotten to my very core- like I wanted to just curl up and vanish. The fight was gone. Terror at the situation filled me as I kept my head down, tears coming to my eyes.

But no. I couldn't do that. Because Po was still right in front of me, holding the one piece of me that I had. The thing that had been with me when I arrived in Fury's office. The only piece of who I once was, the only thing Past Ashleigh had left me.

He patted my head and I didn't have the energy to flinch. I just took it, trying to keep from screaming like I was doing inside my soul. He seemed to realize the damage he had done and exited the room soon after. But I knew he'd be back soon. He expected me broken now, and I don't know if I had much room to argue that. I just stared at the ground, image of those words smeared in my blood as he held it up like some sort of trophy. The monster.

"Crawford," Coulson's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see he was kneeling in front of me, untying the ropes that held my left hand. "We don't have much time."

I tried to speak, but I couldn't say anything. I literally couldn't force my lips to make words. I almost had the sensation that everything was off balance- that the world was turning but I was stuck right where I was.

"Crawford. Crawford. Ashleigh," a hand cupped my cheek gently. I looked into Coulson's eyes, pain meeting my own.

"I-I threw up on my shoes," I whispered. He ran a thumb over the cut on my cheek.

"That's okay. I'll buy you a new pair as soon as we're on the Bus." He moved to my right arm, being quick and delicate over my injury. "As soon as you're free, we're running. As far as it takes."

"You should just go," I finally returned to a bit of my right frame of mind. What was he doing here? Surely they would find out he escaped soon enough? This place didn't look very big. He was wasting time here.

"Both of us are getting out of here," he replied solemnly. It was a command. "I am not letting you spend another moment here." Both of my hands were free now and he went to my feet as my left hand grasped my right. He noticed the gesture and frowned. "I'm sorry. I-I tried to stop him."

"I-I just…" There were no words. There was nothing I could say to convey everything I was feeling right now. No way to convey it to him. How big a piece of me I had lost? The emptiness I was feeling over some words being removed from my skin. How adrift I felt in my own body. I started crying. "I want to go home."

He finished the last knot and helped me to my feet, pulling me into a hug I desperately needed before pulling back to look at me. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that happened to you. But just… just stay strong until we're out of here. I need you with me. Right at my back. Can you do that?"

I forced a nod even though I wasn't sure. He turned, one arm wrapped around me after I nearly fell to my knees, and we quickly exited the room. I barely had the strength to walk, so he was basically dragging the two of us without complaint, kicking the door down and leading both of us into the sunlight. It instantly illuminated how awful he looked, blood and bruises all over his head.

But we came to a halt on the steps of the porch, both of us reeling. It-it was a town. We were in a house of some sort of town with desert on every side as far as the eye could see. Nowhere it looked like we could run to get out of this place. There were more mannequins everywhere in various states- adults walking, children playing. Like a town frozen in the past. It was like something out of a nightmare really and despite closing and opening my eyes I wasn't waking up.

"The town that the bomb forgot." We both whirled to see Po leaning against the side of the house, casually eating an ice cream cone. My stomach growled and I couldn't help but envy him. "It was built in the '40s for nuclear testing, but when the Cold War ended the town was spared."

Coulson pushed me behind him and I fell into one of the railings. "Not exactly prime real estate," he shot at our captor.

"Mm, true." He stepped out to overlook the place. "There's nothing but desert for hundreds of miles." We were screwed. We weren't going anywhere. How was the team supposed to find us in this?

How was Fitz supposed to find me? And did I even want him to at this point I wondered as I looked my sorry state over. It was then I noticed something, lifting my shirt to see a line had been cut in my skin and then sewn back together. With everything else I hadn't noticed it.

What the hell had they done to me? I dropped my shirt back over it like it had burned me.

"But I like it," Po continued before I could properly process. "It's nice here. The children are always playing- "

"Coulson!" I shouted as I spotted the Centipede soldier exit the house, but it was too late. Soon he was hoisted off his feet, groaning as he dangled in the air. "Coulson!" I rushed the guy with everything I had, but merely ended up bouncing off him and rolling down the stairs into the dirt.

"-Yet never make a sound. Shall we get back to it, then?" he asked, dropping his ice cream over the railing as I forced myself up. Another soldier quickly scooped me up and we were both escorted back into the house, myself being bound to the chair more thoroughly, back tied against it as well now, while Coulson was put back on the table. Po nodded at the soldier, who pulled out a metal shaft with blue electricity glowing from one end. He abruptly stuck it into Coulson's side, making the man cry out.

"Stop!" I shouted, trying to shimmy free. "Stop! Leave him alone!"

The shocks came to a stop and Coulson panted loudly. "S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to find us before you break us." Glad he had confidence in that. I feared mine was waning.

"S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Po scoffed. "Well, the Clairvoyant see an end to all that." He nodded towards me and all of a sudden the electricity was being jabbed into my side. I tried to kick wildly, but legs were held tight as I let out a grunt. Somehow it hurt less than the wrist. Maybe I was just becoming numb to pain at this point. But still it kept going.

"They don't look good," Raina stepped into the room. The soldier stopped and I spat the blood from my mouth to the already decorated floor. Then I put my head back, silently sobbing. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't hurt anymore. It was too much.

They weren't going to find us. I glanced down at where my tattoo had been before it was so cruelly ripped from me.

I kind of wished I was dead.

"Raina, what took you so long?" Po greeted our new guest. I barely listened, but instinct in training kept me registering and processing what they were saying despite myself.

"I was tending to our other subject."

"The persuasion skills I've spoken to the Clairvoyant so much about would be better served here with me, breaking these two."

"I would never use force to bend these two to my will."

"They're difficult."

"They're being beaten. Look at her. She's dead to the world right now."

"Into submission. The Clairvoyant requested it and will tell me to…" There was a vibrating and I pulled myself back in as Po answered the phone. "See?" So it must be this Clairvoyant we've heard so much about. "Yes? No." He seemed to get defensive. "Well, I've only just begun. My methods are sound. I assure you… Right here. Yes." He moved the phone to his chest. "The Clairvoyant would like to speak to you."

Raina was almost beaming as she took it. This seemed to be a big moment for her. "This is Raina. Yes. I agree. Thank you. I'll put him back on."

She handed the phone back over to a clearly anxious Po. It almost brought a smile to my face. "Yes, I'm here." And then there was a horrible buzzing as the phone somehow seemed to latch onto Po as he made incoherent noises he probably had drawn from many victims. And then he fell to the floor with a thud, leaving a smiling Raina standing with the phone in her hand with Po on the ground. I somehow just knew he was dead without confirmation from anyone.

Raina immediately took control of the situation, moving Coulson back to his chair and having one of the Centipede soldiers untie me from mine as she vanished. Coulson and I nervously regarded one another as she entered a minute later with two glasses of water.

"This is turning into an interesting day, isn't it?" she stated casually as she handed us each one. I wanted to throw it at her, but my practical side won out and I drank greedily. My eyes kept going over to Po's form on the floor. My tormenter was dead. But I had no clue what was going to happen to us now, because Raina sure wasn't letting us walk out that door either.

"So, you're our friend now?" Coulson questioned harshly. "Cause I've seen what you do to your 'friends'."

"Mr. Po?" Raina scoffed.

"Gee, who the hell else could we be talking about?" I added with bile as I finished my water, dropping the glass so it broke all over the floor.

"He was a murderer incapable of remorse."

"Actually, I was thinking of Mike Peterson, Chan Ho Yin." Oh. Looks like I had gotten ahead of myself.

"I gave them what they asked for," Raina disagreed. "Mike wanted to be a hero to his son. Now he is."

"Did he also want to be dead?" I fired back, fire burning within me once again. "Did Akela Amador want a bomb in her eye?"

"The people you work for are just as capable of using cruel means to reach a justified end."

"Not the ones I work for," I sniped back. Without Po hanging over me I felt some some feeling returning into my bones. Raina I could handle. "And who exactly do you work for? This ominous Clairvoyant we hear so much about around here?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"Who is he?" Coulson asked.

"I don't know. Today was the first time I personally made contact." She took a deep breath, smiling fondly. "My heart's still racing."

"But you build soldiers for him?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"The Clairvoyant gives us guidance, formulas."

"For what?"

Raina turned to Coulson now. "For the changing world, the world your organization brought upon us. We're new to the business of what you've been doing for decades. And in the future as well." I didn't take the bait.

"So now what?" Coulson returned attention to himself. "You have soldiers."

"You can make them strong," I continued, on the same wavelength. She looked back and forth between us.

"You can control them."

"And you can kill them," I finished. "Like you did to Hayward."

"Yes, but we can't bring them back to life," she explained. "Nor can we prepare them for what it coming by learning from someone who knows."

"I'm not from the future," I ground out, teeth clenched.

"Then how do you explain the blood types? The two male parents? Because we looked when you got here, Ashleigh Crawford, and there isn't a device inside you that can do that. Nothing from this time of the future that confuses those tests. You're perfectly normal."

My mind went to the cut in my side. "You son of a bitch. You cut me open."

"I looked you over before officially turning you over to Po," she admitted. "It's funny how the theory you've accepted as truth didn't work out, isn't it? Maybe that's why you were so desperate not to look." She leaned my way. "Because it just solidifies how out of time you are- and how different you are than anyone else."

Maybe it did. Maybe I was reeling from how much of a future freak of nature I seemed to be and how this opened up more questions about a past I had no clue about. Maybe today had been all too much and I felt like my brain was going to explode from the pain and exhaustion and confusion.

I wasn't giving Raina any of that though.

Because I needed to tell Fitz what I had learned when he got here. I needed to freak out with my best friend who cared about me rather than this woman faking empathy. I needed to keep fighting. It was like getting a second wind as I narrowed my eyes at her. "Or S.H.I.E.L.D. has a really sucky lab division. I don't know what it is with you crazies and your future theory. Trust me, I would have known if I was."

"Then how do you explain the tattoo?"

"I would tell you if I still had it," I said with as much venom I could muster. I wasn't letting Centipede get away with that one in my lifetime. I would burn this town to the ground first.

Raina seemed to sense that, turning back to Coulson. "As for you, you were killed. Now you're here. We want to know how. Don't you?" He didn't answer and that kind of scared me.

"I don't," I piped in. She did her best to ignore me, blocking me with her flower-draped form.

"I'd like to turn the machine on again. It induces theta brain-wave frequencies to help uncover the secrets buried in the subconscious." I find myself thinking back on Fitz's metaphor- this was the key to the door. This would open everything. "If you cooperate, you can surf those waves."

"I've gone surfing," Coulson disagreed. "That is definitely not like surfing."

"The you shouldn't do it again." Raina gave me a look this time. "Just offering my humble opinion over here. Free country."

"You've been resisting. Fight the waves and you'll drown. You brain will cook. You'll stop breathing… again."

"Then that's what it'll be… or I hold out until my team comes to find me." They will. They had to be close. I knew it. I just had to keep believing in them. "Either way, you will not get classified intel from me. Or I think from my team member for that matter."

I shrugged. "Don't have any to give."

"I'm not interested in those secrets. The Clairvoyant can see within any agency, any government. He knows what the President dreams about at night." Okay, she was kind of getting creepy now. I was starting to get intimidated again, but I pushed it back. I needed to keep lashing out as long as she wasn't restraining me in any form. "I want what you want… to uncover a different secret… the secret S.H.I.E.L.D. is keeping from you. You see… you died. And you're clinging to the one thing you have… fond memories of your recovery."

"So, this person you work for told you I died and have gaps in my memory. Ever think your mind reader might just be looking up symptoms online?"

"He believes I'm from the future," I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Clearly has issues."

"I was also told it keeps you up at night," Raina tried to sway him. "That you crave answers, that you're troubled by the fact then when you asked for answers you were denied. Is that true?"

Coulson rose now, moving towards one of the walls. "I trust the system." Yes, Coulson. Don't let her sway you. Don't let her in your head. I silently cheered from my seat, trying to convey all that as we locked eyes. "They keep secrets for a reason."

Raina persisted, following him. "But why would S.H.I.E.L.D. keep details of your death from you? They're your family… the only family you have since you've lost your mother too."

I could see this hit him hard. "That's enough," I warned, though I had absolutely no way of following through on that threat.

"Now, after all you've sacrificed…"

"Sacrifice is part of the job. I would give my life- "

"You didn't just give your life; you gave up you chance at a normal one. At love." I saw the way he reacted, thinking myself of the cellist he had spoken of. She had gone for the jugular and was now going to cripple him until he got into that contraption. I couldn't let that happen. I tried to think as she continued. "And she did love you, Agent Coulson."

"How could you know that?" he asked, voice small and breaking. Shit. Shit. His eyes broke from mine to look at her.

"Do you miss her? Dinners at the Richmond. Do you miss hearing her play? You didn't even have a chance to say goodbye."

"You did what you needed to," I cut in. "You kept her safe. Just like you always do."

"She cried for days after S.H.I.E.L.D. told her you died," Raina just kept going. Her words landed harder than mine. "They shattered her heart with a lie, and now they're lying to you."

"They're not," I argued over her, desperate to keep Coulson with me.

"I know you don't want to believe it, but you can't tell me nothing makes you doubt, makes you wonder what happened in Tahiti."

"It's a magical place," he said instantly, eyes widening. "I keep saying that."

Raina stepped closer and I knew I had to intervene. She almost had him, but I wasn't about to let that happen. I just hoped my tactic worked as I rose. "I am from the future," I announced, voice clear and earning their attention. "I am from the future, Raina."

She lifted an eyebrow as Coulson seemed to snap out of whatever reverie she had him in. But I had to make sure she couldn't do it again. "But I don't remember any of it. I literally could not tell you anything before I woke up in this time. It's blank." I took a deep breath. "So here's what we're going to do. I climb into that machine- mind completely open and willing- and then I tell you everything."

"Crawford!"

"And why would you do that?"

I shrugged. "Because I want to know. Your speech… I'm tired of the secrets as well. I want to know who I am. And I'll share that to thank you for showing me. I have no loyalty to them. They're just the ones who found me first and then hid my entire history from me. It took you cutting me open to realize it, but it's the truth. So I'm washing my hands of them." Please buy it. Please buy it.

She stood there for a moment before nodding towards the machine. I took a deep breath, staring towards it. "Crawford!" Coulson shouted again, only for a Centipede soldier to restrain him. "Crawford, you can't do this! I won't let you do this! I can do it! Let me do it! Just leave her alone!"

"You'll have a turn once she's done," Raina smiled as I leaned back on the cold table. This thing might just fry my brain. I didn't want this. I just wanted to go to bed. For Coulson. This was for Coulson. I needed to keep him safe. I needed to keep him out of her flowery clutches. Then the team would come and I would have some things to tell Fitz during our Girl Talk. We were going to have that Girl Talk. I just needed to protect my leader first. Keep him away from this machine. I swear my right wrist burned more at the thought. "Are you ready?"

"Crawford!"

For Coulson. You needed to save him. The team would find him at least. "Yes."

And then everything was gone. I was floating in blackness, nothing visible in the slightest. It almost felt… kind of nice after anything. Like I was finally being allowed my moment of peace. This wouldn't be a bad way to go out actually.

"What do you see?" Raina's voice came through, but I ignored her.

Then I remembered Fitz, face flashing before me. My brilliant genius.

His face turned into someone else's- someone I knew but couldn't place. "I'm sorry," they said before plunging a syringe into my arm violently. I felt the plunger depress and the blue liquid enter my body. "It had to be done though."

And then it all came at once- a barrage that quickly overwhelmed my brain. Images flashed by faster than I could process, millions of moments flittering through my brain as the person vanished back into the darkness. And I knew I had been through all of them. They were all mine. They were my memories- the door having swung fully open.

At first it was like I was a detached observer to all this, but then it hit me like a wave crashing into my body. It all came at once as the images continued- everything those moments held. Pain, anger, suffering, horror, fear, and anguish all gripped my heart and soul in a vice. It was more intense than anything I had experienced, like I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't fight.

I think it was at this part I started screaming- sounds like nothing that I had ever made before filling the empty void. It was too much. I couldn't take it. It was agony. Only agony.

The blackness vanished and now I was in the moments, actually experiencing them. And somehow it only made the pain even more searing- cries becoming louder as I tried to hold the emotions at bay. But it was no use. They came even more rapidly, each one a punch I couldn't take.

There was a car crash. There was water. There was a bright light shining from the sky. There was a man calling after me. There was cold. There was darkness. There was the feeling of every atom in my body shifting, my skin crawling as if it wasn't my own. There was someone dying before me. There was being so bloodied and bruised I couldn't move.

It was too much. Too much. I didn't want this. I didn't want this anymore. It was awful. It was all just so awful. And it was all mine.

There was death. There was dying. So much of it. So much pain. So many people.

And myself. So many deaths. I lived them over and over again- each one. Some were quick and swift. Others were drawn out and excruciating. I felt all of them piling on top of one another, growing until they were suffocating me. My screams couldn't get louder, but I needed them to be. I needed this to end.

I needed to die the final time. I needed to end this. Please won't this end. I felt so many voices crying out to me, voices calling me to join them. I couldn't move. They were holding me down.

The pain was too much. I didn't want it. Why did I have it? Why were these memories mine? I didn't want them. I had never wanted them.

Anger. Anguish. Pain. Horror. Fear. Death. Death. Death. Death.

Then it all vanished. The blackness returned, swallowed me up again. The emotions faded, but the imprint was still seared into me in a way that I couldn't shake. It was fading, but then why could I still feel all of it? I managed to stop screaming I think as the weight slowly lifted at a slow pace. The images were gone and I couldn't bring them back. I didn't want them back.

"Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay." I knew that voice. That voice wasn't a memory. It wasn't a haunting. There was warmth. Someone was holding onto me. Someone was clutching me for dear life- tugging at me. "Ashleigh!"

"Crawford!"

"Crawford!" I knew them.

"Skye," I muttered, returning somewhat to the present. Skye had her arms around me, head buried into my arm. "Skye."

"Thank God," she whispered and I felt her tears through the fabric of my shirt and sweater. I was shaking violently. I couldn't stop it.

Anger. Anguish. Pain. Horror. Fear.

"Ash!" Skye pulled back as another pain of arms wrapped around me. Someone put their chin over the top of my head, engulfing me.

Death. Death. Death. Death.

I was sobbing now and the arms just got tighter. "Shh, Ash. It's okay. You're safe now. You're here with us." Lee. It was Lee. I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him something.

"Let's get her out of here." Someone else came from the other side and picked me up easily. "Come on, Crawford. Let's get you home."

The emotions faded faster once I had been loaded into a car, someone holding me as we peeled away. I finally had enough strength to force my eyes open to see it was Fitz who had his arms firmly wrapped around me with my head resting on the flannel covering his chest. The desert was disappearing around us as Ward drove like there was no tomorrow, going faster than I had ever seen. Skye had a hand resting on my knee from next to us.

Fitz. Ward. Skye. Even Simmons sat in the front seat, staring at her hands.

They had found us. They were here. I was safe now… from Po. From Raina. From that machine. The first positive emotion blossomed within me, desperately trying to fight off the darkness.

Safety. Security. Fitz.

I took a shuddering breath, noticing he was examining my right hand. "He cut my tattoo off," I muttered, slightly back in the moment. "He showed me the skin and everything."

"Oh, Ash." I felt the kiss atop my head and the arms getting even tighter. And normally it would have lit me up, but right now I just felt numb. The darkness was gone, but now I was just a hollow shell. There was nothing within me.

Despite myself, I found my eyes welling up again. "I threw up on my shoes too."

"I know," his soothing voice assured me. "That's okay."

"Coulson promised me a new pair."

"How about you just rest, Crawford?" Ward spoke up from the front. "You're with us. It's okay to fall asleep now."

I shook my head. "Last time I did that Coulson ended up in that machine. I can't let that happen again." I knew I was making no sense, but my mouth just kept going. "I need to protect him. He told me not to, but I have to. I can't let him get back in the machine."

I don't know how much longer we sat before pulling up the Bus ramp. Time was a concept I seemed to have lost in my overwhelming exhaustion. Skye helped me out of the back with Fitz right behind her. I still hadn't stopped crying, even though I was pretty sure I should have run out of tears by now.

"Agent Crawford." Agent Hand came to stand in front of me, smile plastered on her face. No. No. Please no. I turned away from her into Fitz. "We need to talk- "

"She's in no condition to do any talking," May cut in harshly. She turned to Skye, voice becoming much softer. "Take her into the shower and get her out of those clothes."

"Is that really our number one concern?" Jemma piped in. "I need to look over that wrist- "

"Simmons, you know Crawford. She hates being dirty. She doesn't like having the mission anywhere on her once it's done." Gee, May, I didn't know you were so observant. "This is probably hurting her much more than any injury she had right now. She had what she has been through in her skin. The first thing we can do to help her is get rid of all that."

"I'll take her," Skye agreed.

"I'll help," Simmons added, the two of them gently taking me from Fitz and steering me towards the bathroom.

"Wait," I argued feebly. "I need to talk to Lee about something."

"It can wait," Fitz tried to calm me. "I'll be right here. I swear."

They didn't give me room to argue as they started off again. As soon as I was in the bathroom they pretty much hopped in the shower with all of us in our clothes. Only then did they start stripping everything away, taking off all the baggage I had accumulated piece by piece.

"How's Coulson?" I asked as Skye tried to get everything out of my hair.

"He's doing alright. We found him knocked out in the same room as you, but he walked out of the other car when we got back. It seemed like he was pretty worried about you."

I nodded. Coulson was safe. He was back on the Bus. I could live with everything if it meant that.

After what seemed like hours of getting me free of dirt and grime, the girls ushered me into a pair of pajamas before leading towards my bunk despite my insistences. Everything still seemed off to me, but I had so much I needed to do. I needed to check on Coulson. I had to thank everyone. I had to talk to Fitz. I had to tell him how I felt.

"It can all wait until the morning," Skye insisted as she deposited me onto my bed. "Besides, Cheesetauri was going crazy in here without you." She turned to Simmons. "I'll stay here until she drifts off."

"I'm not going to," I made clear, crossing my arms in defiance. Skye merely took a seat at the foot of the bed, hand resting on my foot.

"I'm so glad you're alright Ashleigh. The whole team… we were all frantic. I can't believe- "

By then I was already out.

XXX

 _Bloody hands. My hands… completely covered in blood and bone, almost twisted beyond recognition. I held them to my face, breath quickening and heart keeping out of my throat. I couldn't move as I just stared at the snarled shapes in front of me that had once been my fingers and palm. I felt the pain then, sharp and quick, enough to make me cry out despite myself._

 _This couldn't be happening to me._

 _I needed them more than anything._

XXX

"Ashleigh!" I sat straight up in bed, sweat on my forehead as I clutched the covers around me. I was in my bunk. I was on the Bus. I held up my hands, seeing not out of the ordinary except my newly wrapped wrist. Simmons must have done that while I was sleeping. It tingled slightly but not painfully.

I had been dreaming. It was just a dream. But I knew that was a lie. Though I couldn't recall any of it now, I knew I had been experiencing one of my memories. I could just… feel it. The key had unlocked the door and now everything was pouring out at once. Only I couldn't seem to hold on to any of it, merely vague feelings and images. I quite frankly didn't know if after everything I wanted to remember.

I looked up only to be surprised by the sight of my entire team standing over the bed in my crowded bunk, all of them clearly beside themselves with worry. I tried to smile at them, but it just wouldn't appear. So I settled for lying. "I'm fine guys. I'm sorry for bothering you."

I think they knew I was lying, but they pretended to buy it. They all shuffled out to give me some privacy, Coulson giving me a look that we would talk once I was restored. My hand went to brush my tattoo, only to remember it was no longer there with a sinking heart. I forced myself to drift off again though, knowing I needed my rest to recuperate.

At least they pretended to buy it until I woke up to the exact same sight an hour later.

XXX

 _Well, there she is. We managed to fit a full episode into here and had quite the emotional journey for our poor girl. I expect that will have some huge effects going forward, but we'll see how she and the others handle what had happened to her. She is quite the strong one after all. But how much did she hold out after all that._

 _Thank you to all those who have alerted this story as they follow along with my crazy schedule. I hope this episode delivered on your expectation. So thank you to . BeckyBoo12221, Qewbix, RandomFandoming, and NekoKitsune27._

 _Thank you to those who have made this story among their elite. It means so much to me that we're only halfway through and you hold it in such high regard. Thank you MarvelPotterHead, Zoie10135, Kalliope-Korinna-Klytaimnestia, BeckyBoo12221, Qewbix, , RandomFandoming, and NekoKitsune27._

 _And of course thank you to my reviewers for you love and comments to keep me refreshed and invigorated for the job ahead. They mean more than you can know. Thank you to my friend eckles, VioletKane, OfficialLostGirl, NessieBooEvans, blackcat711, Guest, LeopardFeather, Lara Barnes, and GiraffePanda2._

 _See you all soon… for it shall be time to go to school where things will be a bit chilly. I'm quite excited for this one._


	24. Frozen

_Frozen_

The moment I came to my senses I clamped my hand over my mouth so hard I swear my knuckles must have turned white. Then I sat for a moment completely still and listened for any sign of footsteps.

Nothing.

I released the breath I had been holding as slow as I could manage, heartbeat slowing steadily as I continued to sit in my bed. I could feel my entire body was drenched with sweat. This must have been a bad one then. My hand went from my mouth to my throbbing head, running it through my hair with a shaking breath. I glanced at the clock- three hours. I had made it three hours. Sadly, that was my new record in terms of sleep.

It had quickly become clear the memories weren't leaving me. I for the life of me couldn't remember anything I had seen under the machine. I still had vague feelings attached to it, but none of them were fun to revisit in the slightest. They just drove me deeper into whatever funk I was desperately fighting. When Fury's mandated counseling session via my tablet had ended with me throwing it across the room though in a fit of rage I couldn't explain Coulson had pulled the plug. I didn't have to explain anything to anyone. I didn't have to go back to that place, and I was very grateful for it.

It didn't stop the memories from plaguing me in my sleep though. They always seemed to creep into my dreams, warping them in ways that left me shouting and crying out until I alerted someone or managed to wake myself. And then they'd be gone. I hadn't been able to fill in a single page of my book because there was nothing to pull from. I had tried many times, pencil to my head as I desperately tried to pull something from a recent dream to put on paper. But it refused to come and it usually ended with me getting very frustrated at myself.

I swung out of bed once I had calmed down sufficiently, grabbing a new pair of pajamas and heading to the bathroom as silently as I could. Everyone was asleep and I wanted to keep it that way. I had been keeping them up enough these past few weeks with my issues. At this point I had been shaken awake by every member of the team and sometimes multiple- severely cutting into the average hours of sleep everyone was pulling. They insisted they didn't care, but it racked me with guilt that I was being such a burden to them during a time when everyone was supposed to be taking it easy. Fury had given us a few weeks to recover from everything with Centipede, but I was just driving us further into the ground.

I shut the bathroom door, sagging against it to the floor for a moment. I glanced at my wrist, still bandaged with a clean white gauze. Simmons had made it her personal mission in life it seemed to make sure the gaping hole in my flash didn't get infected. I would sit on one of the metal stools daily while she examined the scar tissue that had formed and often injected an antibiotic before carefully wrapping it back up again. It was like she had declared war.

It was her way to cope and help me. Everyone had one. They were all obviously very concerned that despite the bruises fading and the smiles I forced on my face that I seemed to just be stuck in this state of being I hated. I wasn't sleeping which meant I wasn't really firing on all cylinders in my daily life. I just didn't have the energy to be myself. The energy that had been drained from me those hours I was in that house seemed to have vanished completely. I couldn't find them for the life of me.

So Simmons kept my body working. She forced all sorts of antibiotics through my system and ran me through a physical work-up daily, frowning every time she could feel my ribs and complain I should eat more. When she woke me up, she'd just hover until I fell asleep- not really saying anything. I don't know quite where we sat after what had happened before all this, but she seemed very dedicated to taking care of me. I think it might be her way of making amends… or of assuaging her guilt if she had any. I didn't pretend to know.

The ribs were despite Skye's best attempts though. She had brought her cooking to the next level, preparing three full meals a day every day. I hadn't had a Pop Tart since I had returned because when I dragged myself to the kitchen in my pajamas she was in the middle of preparing a full continental breakfast. And most of the time it was only for me. The rest of the team had to scavenge whatever she wasn't using in her latest culinary masterpiece. Or they'd wait for the leftovers, because I hadn't been able to get myself beyond picking at most of it despite her insistences. I just couldn't force myself to. The one time I had a nightmare during a nap had sent it all back up again. It was making her frantic, hovering over me all the time when she wasn't cooking or training with Ward. When she would wake me gently with a hand on my shoulder she'd perch on my bed with one hand on my leg and the other typing casually on her computer as she stayed guard. She'd still be there when I woke up again doing the exact same thing.

My training had gone a bit downhill personally. I still insisted to May on our sessions continuing as soon as I was back on my feet, though I was hitting the mat with a much greater frequency than ever before. After a few days it became clear she was pulling punches despite my insistences she fight me like nothing had changed. I of course couldn't prove it though, but I knew how May really hit. I secretly thought Coulson was involved somehow. She seemed to hope I could work out my feelings on the punching bag or even herself, pushing me to let it all out. I refused to though, falling back on our previous lessons of burying my feelings in a place even I couldn't find. We hadn't talked much despite her voicing that she was very proud of how I had handled myself. That I had saved Coulson and handled myself far better than most experienced Agents would. Yes, those words had actually come from her mouth. I hadn't been in the mood to appreciate them though. Her method during my nightmares was silent, wordlessly waking me before perching herself at the entrance of the room looking out- like she was protecting me from something. Maybe it was the best she knew she could do.

Ward filled in for May's lack of words though. He didn't hover in the same capacity that Skye did, but he did always seem to be around the corner when you least expected it. I dropped something and Ward was there to pick it up. I nearly fell over and he was there to catch me. I wanted a small snack to try and quell my always flipping stomach while Skye was off in her room- well, he just happened to be in the kitchen and happy to prepare something. And he always filled the silences with uncharacteristic talking. He would just say things, ending practically every paragraph by asking if I was okay. He would talk about missions he'd been on or just name movies we could watch if I was feeling up for it. It would be almost sweet if it wasn't so unnerving. He didn't know exactly what to do, so he did everything. He would just shout my name until I woke up before leaning against the dresser and talking until I dismissed him back to his room. I think if I didn't stop him at any point he'd go for it the whole night.

Coulson I had seen probably the least. I suspected it was because he was coping with his own revelations from our time in that house. I had visited him the day after we had arrived back on the Bus, nearly falling into the chair across from him at his desk. We had just sat in silence for a long moment, obviously having been through something no one else could understand. We were now connected in a way neither of us could quite voice.

But finally he spoke up. "Crawford… there's two ways I could do this. The way I want to and the way I'm meant to." He sat up a little straighter. "So first, Agent Crawford, I want to compliment you on the way you conducted yourself during this experience. You showed a strength far beyond anything expected of you. You are a very committed Agent to S.H.I.E.L.D. and I will be sure to mention as much to Fury." I couldn't quite take the compliments to heart, part of me still trapped back there. My fingers brushed the bandage on my wrist. "I apologize for the personal…"

He paused, shaking his head. "You know what, I'm not going to do it like this. It doesn't feel right." He stood from his chair and crouched in front of me, hand taking mine. "Ashleigh, I cannot begin to express how… sorry I am."

I shook my head. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I volunteered, remember?"

"You volunteered for a mission that involved a plan for a swift rescue. You did not volunteer to endure over a day of torture. You did not volunteer to have Po do what he did to you. And you did not truly volunteer to be put in that machine and experience the nightmares that you did."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that one was all me. I even gave Raina a nice flowery speech and everything."

"No," he disagreed. "That was you having to step in because you could see what Raina was saying got to me. That I was about to volunteer to step back in that machine and give them exactly what they wanted."

I could tell he felt guilty and I wanted to clear him of that more than I wanted to admit to the truth. "You wouldn't have, sir. You would have held out against her. I was the one who had a moment of weakness."

"We both know that's not true," he saw right through my attempt. "Because I know I was about to. And nothing you say can absolve me of that and the effect my actions had on you. You need to know that you were the toughest person in that room and though it makes me sad it happened, it doesn't stop how proud or indebted I feel to you. So I offer you both an apology and my sincere thanks. And know that if you need to talk about it… any of it that I am right here anytime you need me."

I had merely nodded, having nothing really to say at the time. It just… it felt like there weren't quite the right words to be found. So I had allowed him to help me onto my feet and then simply threw my arms around him in a tight hug. And when he hugged me back it was probably the most secure I had felt since I got back.

"She was just screwing with us right?" I whispered, voice trembling. "It was all just her trying to get to us. The machine, supposedly cutting me open, baiting you with your death. It had to be."

"It was," he concluded, though he didn't sound convinced in the slightest. "It had to be."

I pulled away, nodding in agreement. I wasn't convinced either though. And with that I had exited, only seeing Coulson a few times so he could check in on my progress. There had been many offer placed on the table- that I go to counseling at the Hub but I refused to leave the Bus and online counseling but that had ended awfully. He would even ask if I needed to talk when he woke me up the few times- the fact that he heard me at all meant he must have left his office to check on me. But I'd shake my head and then he'd respect my choice by heading out. I hoped he knew it wasn't anything personal. I didn't feel like talking to anyone about any of it. I had started out thinking it was to put it behind me but I was realizing now it was because I felt like I was drowning and I sure as hell didn't want to pull anyone down with me if I could.

I rose from the bathroom floor with a sigh and made my way over to the sink. My hair hung wet and limp at the side of my face, sending a shiver down my spine as I thought about being dunked in the water and almost drowning. I grabbed the sink tightly as I forced a few deep breaths, looking at the stranger in the mirror with bags under her eyes doing the same. Then the memories of drowning shifted to another one I hadn't experienced, my veins becoming cold as ice. My steady breathing became stagnant as I swore I had the feeling of my lungs filling with water. The back of my brain knew it was just a memory and wasn't real, but the rest of me was locked in the emotion that I was dying yet again. And at that moment I was officially done with the whole thing.

"No!" I shouted, swinging my fist into the stranger staring at me as if they were responsible. There was a crack and then everything fell away as quickly as it had come. My lungs were breathing easily again and the situation I had just been slid from my mind as the speed which it had come. It was like returning to my body again. I winced and looked down to see my hand was bleeding slightly. I looked back up to see my face distorted by the ripple of cracks in the center of the mirror, guilt washing over me. I was going to have to explain this one to everyone in the morning. I'd offer to pay to replace it when we landed with whatever salary I wasn't receiving.

I forced myself to tear myself away from the mirror and the guilt at my violent outburst, glad it was just a mirror and not someone actually trying to comfort me. I changed into my new pair of pajamas, carelessly leaving my other pair on the floor to deal with in the morning. I figured no one would fault me too much. And not wanting to cause anymore issues I made my way into the living area, curling up into a tight ball on the couch and hoping my screams wouldn't carry as well here if they came.

Who was I kidding? They were coming.

XXX

 _I was running. I was running as fast as I could, blowing past anyone who tried to stop me. That feeling of loss and guilt hung in my chest, making it hard to breathe._

 _And then I threw open the door and just as I was catching my breath, tears in my eyes, the light found me. Blinded me. Changed everything._

XXX

I hit something solid, scratching and clawing as something fought me. "Ash. It's just me. Ash. Stop. You're okay." It took me a minute to register the voice through my haze of fighting from my life, but soon everything came into focus. I was now on the floor, hand on Fitz's chest and pinning him to the ground. His hands were comically raised in the air and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I noticed the harsh red scratch marks that were now present on the stubble of his jaw.

I quickly pulled my hand back into my chest, tears already starting as I realized what I had just done. "Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know- I was- and there was- "

But of course I couldn't explain because it was all gone already, leaving me with nothing I could offer Fitz in way of explanation. I just pulled myself back towards the couch, trying to make myself as small as possible. I had just hurt a member of my team. I had just hurt Fitz. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry." I was blubbering now, emotions rippling through me in the most exhausting manner. I was just so tired.

He didn't hesitate in pulling me into him for a crushing hug, kissing the top of my head gently. "Hey, it's okay Ash. It was a nightmare. You were somewhere else and I startled you. Just take some deep breaths, okay? Take a few deep breaths and calm down. You're okay. You're safe."

I had a lot of words like this thrown at me since my return, but Fitz seemed to be the only one that had any actual effect on my mood swings and muddled head. His voice was the only one that cut through the darkness. But he was also in a way the hardest one to be around at all. Because the fact of the manner was I had stolen his best friend from him. I had her kidnapped and she hadn't returned to the Bus when it was all over. All he had received was a shell, and nothing filled me with more guilt than that.

So our relationship had become a bit complicated to say the least. I needed and wanted him around so desperately. I wanted to spend every waking moment at his side and allow his strength to inspire the strength I needed to finally banish whatever this was from me. But at the same time I saw the looks and frowns when I wasn't myself. I saw how hard this was on him to be with the person who wore my face but had been turned inside out. He was trying so hard, but he missed the jokes and ease we used to have. He missed Ash, because in a way I was just Ashleigh now. So I tried to give him the space I felt he needed so wasn't torturing him so much. He always had to come to me rather than me coming to him. It only seemed fair.

Which meant that Girl Talk was permanently on hold… perhaps forever. He hadn't mentioned it and I wasn't making the effort to bring it up either. He was waiting for me to be ready. Maybe he knew what it was all really about. But I wasn't at all. And the reason was simple. This isn't who he wanted to be with in a relationship. We both knew it. And if I asked… it would be unfair to him whatever way he answered. He could say no and though I would understand my devastation would be all too real. I was already on the edge of something and he'd feel responsible if I fell off. And if he said yes, well most of me would bet it was because he was afraid of sending me off the edge. Both option meant he would feel responsible for what was happening to me. I would only be starting the conversation to get it off my chest. And I couldn't be selfish like that when it came to Fitz and his happiness.

I cared about him too much.

So I did what I needed to do. I needed to keep that distance. I needed to protect him. I got enough control of myself that I pulled back, avoiding looking him in the eye. "You should go back to bed. I'll be fine. We know how this works by now. I'm-"

"I know what you're going to say… and you are anything but fine, Ash. You haven't been fine since we got you out of that desert and you know it. You're… you're not helping anyone by lying. It doesn't help you and it doesn't make us any less worried about you." I finally looked up at him to see his face was squared in determination. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me something that's true. Something about how you're really feeling."

I could tell this was one of those battles I wasn't going to win. There was genuinely no way to chase him off in the immediate future when he had made up his mind like he had now. Fitz in a lot of ways was just as stubborn as I was- I just didn't have the energy for it this time unfortunately.

I took a deep breath, hand playing with the white bandage again as I had taken to doing. I had to force some sort of sentence out… no matter how hard or pathetic it made me look. "Well, I sort of… I had a memory in the bathroom… and I broke the mirror."

It hadn't been what he was expecting. "You… you broke the mirror? Wait, when did this happen?"

"Just a little bit ago. I woke up from a nightmare and went in there to get myself together." His hands reached out and grabbed both of mine, turning them over and finding the right one had spots of dried blood about the knuckles. His frown deepened and when I tried to pull them away he wouldn't let me. "It's nothing. If anything I feel bad the team is going to be without a mirror for a while. I promise I'll pay for the new one though… with the money I'm not sure if I'm making or not."

"We should get you cleaned up." His fingers ghosted over my knuckles and a familiar chill went down my spine. The kind that made me aware of just how close we were right now, huddled together on the floor in front of the couch. It would be so easy to just lean in, so I had to force myself to pull back a bit.

"No. It'll wait until the morning."

"Ash, there could be glass in here. We should wake Simmons- "

"No!" I shouted, louder than I intended and from a place deep within me that made is so much harsher than I would have expected. I wrested my hand away from him and pulled it to my chest. "No. Leave me alone!" I stared at him for a long moment as his hands went up silently in a peaceful gesture, eyes never leaving me. Mine found the scratches I had put on his cheek and just like that the spell was broken. The anger completely dissipated.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, tears starting again. I was running out of patience with myself. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry."

Just like that he pulled me in again and I let myself crash into his chest, my arm wedged between us. He shushed me softly, slightly rocking the two of us until my inane babbling stopped. He kept going, whispering things I didn't quite register but was struck by the comforting tone of them. Breathing seemed to get easier and that weight in my chest lightened just enough I realized how tired I truly was. Despite my desire to keep far away from him still, to keep him safe from how destructive I was, I completely gave up on fighting him off in any capacity. I didn't have the energy nor desire to. Instead, I just let him hold me as he leaned against the couch, whispering away, until my crying stopped and I drifted off once again.

XXX

I awoke to the sun shining on my face, causing me to blink several times and squint until I had some time to adjust. Somehow the sun had penetrated the window at just the right angle. I briefly considered the entire universe was conspiring against me, but then recalled a nightmare might have come on if I was out any longer.

I realized I was back on the couch, legs curled up on myself like I was in a little ball. I stretched them to try and ease them a bit before sitting up- blanket that had mysteriously appeared falling to the floor. I blinked a few more times and stretched my arms, noticing I had actually been sleeping on a pillow this time as well. A pillow that I knew had come from Fitz's room.

I heard voices coming from the direction of the kitchen and realized that the usual present hum of the engines was no longer present. We had landed. Maybe it was just to refuel, but my curiosity instantly had me questioning if we finally had a new assignment. I rose to my feet and made my way for the kitchen, for some reason taking the pillow with me. Rather than walk right in I tucked into the corner, hanging out for now. It smelled like Skye had cooked up another storm for breakfast.

"It seems like it was planted in the filter days before, like someone was waiting for those specific Cadets," Ward's voice said clearly. Well, it looks like we did have a mission.

"Well, as far as they can tell," Fitz explained, "The device uses a crystalline nucleation process she designed."

"And a delivery mechanism he invented," Simmons added. "That's why we're being asked to consult on the investigation." There was a brief pause. "Should we wake her up? You went through all the trouble of making this."

"Let her get as much sleep as she can," Skye disagreed. I got the feeling this was a conversation they've had many times these past few weeks. "We know she needs it. Back on track though… so we're going to the Academy?"

"Science and technology division," Ward answered. "Cadets are pretty shaken up over what happened. Agent Weaver asked if you two could speak to the student body, potentially calm them down."

"Of course," came Simmons again. "The talk. We've all heard the talk."

"I haven't," Skye reminded her.

"I guess you will," Ward told his prodigy.

"Well, I've heard a lot about the Academy. I'm excited to finally see it."

At that moment I stepped into the kitchen, all eyes focusing on me instantly. "Me too," I agreed. I placed the pillow on the counter and suddenly it was as if you could hear a pin drop. I grimaced but tried to play it safe as I climbed into a seat at the island. "Um, good morning everyone?"

And just like that they were all speaking at once, a wall of voices hitting me. Simmons was mentioning stealing me once all of this was done to look at my wrist, Skye was shoveling what looked to be apple cinnamon waffle onto my plate, and Ward just started going on about how they were going to let me sleep longer before ending with asking if I was okay. Fitz was the only one who stayed silent, sipping his tea as his eyes pierced right into me.

I forced the smile on my face. "Will do, Jemma. Thank you, Skye. And yes, Ward. Yes, I am." I took a fork and picked the smallest piece of the pancake I could muster.

"Don't worry about going slow," Skye spoke up. "I have plenty more where that came from."

"Thanks," I nodded gratefully. Everyone was still staring, and I realized something I wanted to address. "I want to apologize for the state of the mirror in the bathroom. It was a… rough night. Nothing I can't handle though," I tried to assuage them. It didn't appear to be working.

"It's fine," Fitz finally dismissed the situation. "We can get it patched up while we're at the Academy."

"Yes," I nodded. "I should hop in the shower as soon as I'm done here so I can get ready." Again with the staring as I took another small fraction of the pancake. "What?"

"Are… are you sure that's a good idea?" Simmons spoke up. I just stared at her and she drew back a bit, unsure how to proceed.

"I'm fine," I recited, trying to make it seem true. "I'm ready to get back in there."

She just looked at me, clearly uncomfortable. Then something behind her made her perk up. "Why don't we ask Agent May?" We all turned to see her making her way through the kitchen towards Coulson's office, pausing to look at us. "Agent May- "

"We will drop you off, and then Coulson and I have other matters to attend to," she made clear, before landing her eyes on me. She didn't even hesitate. "Crawford stays on the Bus though."

"May-!"

"That is not up for discussion."

"May, I'm fine."

"You've been using those words so much I think you've lost track of what they really mean." She started heading out and I could tell the others were relieved. "Because the mirror in the bathroom tells me otherwise." She was gone before I could open my mouth again, and even then I knew it was useless. I was not wearing her down. I still couldn't stand the thought of my team going without me though, no matter what state I was in. I could keep it together for them. At least, I think I could.

I turned back to my pancake, Ward put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Sorry, Crawford. It's for the best though. Maybe next time? I've been an Agent for a while and this will only be my first time at Sci-Tech." I shrugged his hand off.

"Never?" Skye inquired. "Huh. The different S.H.I.E.L.D. academies don't interact."

Fitz scoffed, but it was Ward who spoke. "Not much. Academy of communications does."

"Oh, Ashleigh's fake alma mater!" Skye tried to cheer me up. I pushed the pancake away, only having taken about six bites of it.

"Ash is much different than anyone in that place though." Fitz slid the plate back towards me. "They're all very… well, it's the easiest to get into is all I'll say."

"Operations is the most aggressive program," Ward made clear. "More people wash out of operations than the other academies. I get a feeling Crawford would fit in better there."

"Or she might be in the one that's the hardest to get into," Simmons countered with narrowed eyes. "She is very smart after all."

"I'm picking up on the rivalry between science and operations." Skye took my plate away with a sigh, seeing I clearly wasn't going to be having anymore. "What do you think May and Coulson are up to? He hasn't left his office in a while."

"Whatever it is, we'll leave them to it. We have to focus on figuring out what's going on at the Academy. We should get ready to head out." Everyone seemed to agree, staring to clean up their belongings. He looked at me once again. "Just take it easy, Crawford. Maybe try and get some more sleep. We can watch a movie when get back tonight, alright?"

I forced a nod and he seemed to take this as his cue. Simmons reminded me to meet her in the lab after my shower before taking off to get some things packed in the lab. Fitz paused before he followed her.

"Thanks for the pillow," I spoke up, realizing he was probably sticking behind because of me. "It made the couch a lot more comfortable."

"I'm glad," he smiled, taking it from the counter. "You know; Simmons can give the speech herself if you need- "

"No," I shook my head. "You go and be your brilliant self. Show those kids how it's done."

He nodded, scratching behind his ear. "Call me if you need anything though… like anything. I can get back to the Bus pretty quick if you need me too."

"Thanks Lee." He stood there for a moment before patting the top of my hand from across the counter and then heading out, leaving only myself and Skye. I made to stand up, plan already forming, only to pause at her voice.

"You're going to Coulson… right?" She turned, crossing her arms. "There's only one way to go above May's orders. And that's to talk to him." I went to question her, but she just tilted her head to the side. "It's what I would do."

"I need to be there," I argued. "I should be there. Coulson counts on me to look out for you guys."

"Ashleigh, you look like you're about to fall over. You don't eat, you can barely sleep, you walk around like a zombie… you're not yourself." I flinched at the words. She had no idea how true they were. "And we all get why. You went through hell in that house. We don't blame you. And no one will blame you for missing one assignment. Anything it takes to get you back."

There was a long pause as she stared at me. I had fixed my gaze on a corner of the counter, examining every inch of it from top to bottom in the most agonizing matter. I was trying not to let her words sink in at all, but how could they not when I had thought them myself. Still, I remained firm in my desire to get out there and protect my team.

"You know; the only things we know about what happened to you in there are based on Simmons's physical. We know about the tattoo, which is horrifying still to even consider, and the scrapes and the bruises. We can imagine how they came to be. But you haven't said a word about it to any of us about it. And that doesn't seem… I think you need to talk to someone. And it doesn't have to be us or a therapist. But I think letting some of what's inside of you out… what you're holding onto, I think it might help a lot."

"I'll keep that in mind," was the only answer I could think to give. I didn't plan on talking to anyone, placing this burden I was carrying on them. I could handle it myself. I had to handle it myself.

With that, I made my way up the stairs and poked my head in with a knock to Coulson's office. He and May paused from some files they were considering to look up at me. "Crawford?" Coulson inquired, face instantly drawn with concern.

"Sorry to bother you sir, but I just wanted… I was hoping I could go with the others to the Academy rather than remain on the Bus." His expression immediately became drawn and I was aware of May staring me down as well. I tried to remain calm as I continued. "I just… I think I could definitely benefit from some time away from the Bus. I've been on here a few weeks and I think I'm getting claustrophobic. I need some breathing room and some time to distract myself from what happened. I need to distract myself. I'm sure you can understand that."

Still nothing. This was harder than I thought. "I promise I won't get involved with the assignment. I just want to get some air. The others can keep an eye out for me. I will literally walk away from trouble if it finds me. Promise." I took a deep breath. "I need this, Coulson. I don't… I need to do this."

He stared at me for what seemed like forever, and I was starting to squirm just a bit. "You will keep a respectful distance and let Fitz-Simmons handle this one with Ward. Stay back with Skye, no matter how much you want to be involved. If I hear any word from any of them about you- I will give the order for you to have a seat in an office somewhere until we return."

"Understood," I agreed, trying to ignore May's dark look.

"And if I hear you didn't stay in said office, I will have no choice but to take you to the Hub to stay with them until they clear you to rejoin us." Oh boy, he meant business. Well, it's a good thing I wasn't planning on disobeying him then.

"Understood, sir," I repeated. I nodded my head at him. "Thank you for understanding." I started to back off, but paused. "Sorry about the mirror. I'll pay for the repairs, I promise."

I quickly hopped in the shower before throwing on jeans and boots with a red shirt and light windbreaker jacket. Coulson still owed me that new pair of sneakers. I was throwing up my hair in a ponytail as I came to approach the rest of the team lowering the cargo ramp to walk the short distance to the Academy. Ward was back in his finest suit while the rest were dressed in their usual casual attire. I think someone was taking it a bit too seriously.

"Coulson cleared me," I put up my hands. "I stay out of things but I get to come. You're to call him if I have any problems and I'll get deported back here. I just want some fresh air and time off the Bus. That's it."

It was surprisingly Ward who spoke first. "Should've seen that coming," he grumbled before starting down the cargo ramp. Everyone followed suit without a word. So I shoved my hands in my jacket pocket and started hiking. Fitz put an arm over my shoulder, not saying anything but somehow saying everything. That he was scared, that he didn't like this, but that he respected me and my decision. He'd stand by me if it had any chance of helping me through this.

We came quickly to a large white building of what looked to be four of five floors, other smaller ones scattered about behind it, with many people about my age milling about, sitting in the grass with books or walking from one building to another at a brisk pace. They all looked so normal. I had never quite had a chance to miss out on the fact that I had never taken the usual path, that I had never been to any Academy. But now I felt I slight inkling of regret that I never got to take the normal path. I never got to learn.

"This was the SSR facility before S.H.I.E.L.D. was even founded," Simmons lectured as everyone looked the place over as I was. "SSR stands for- "

"Scientific strategic reserve," Skye answered with an almost roll of her eyes. I had been tempted to join, but I wasn't pushing any envelope if I could help it. Keep my mouth shut and my eyes on my team. "Yeah, I know. Is this where you got all your PhD's?"

"Oh, no, you need at least one to get through the door," Simmons bragged.

Fitz dropped his arm from my shoulder, turning to the member on the other side of the line we had formed. "Is science and technology what you imagined, Agent Ward?"

He nodded. "Yep… no uniforms, no rope course, no defined muscularity on anyone."

I would have punched him if I was closer. Sure, these guys didn't seem as action-oriented as himself and May, but that didn't make them any less. They all had the brains behind them. And Fitz had taught me many times that brains were just as necessary to be an Agent.

"No marching in place," Fitz countered, nudging me. It nearly sent me toppling, but I managed to hold on. He looked at me concerned but I waved him off. "No… no IQ's in double digits."

Just then, a black woman approached a group with a warm smile on her face. She was dressed very sharply, giving the look of someone in charge but also warm if on her good side. "There they are," she greeted warmly. "So good to see you."

She shook both of their hands, and I was surprised to see she didn't skip myself in the middle. I liked her already, noticing she had Fitz-Simmons trust as well from their compliments.

She then turned her attention to Ward, shaking his hand as well. "Agent Ward. Pleasure to have you, sir."

"Agent Weaver," he politely addressed her- on his best behavior. "There's a list of suspects?"

Leave it to Ward to get right down to business. I couldn't help but almost roll my eyes. "Based on the level of intelligence it would take to put a device together like the one we found, we've narrowed it down to the top ten percent of our Cadets." She frowned, making her face much more severe. "I'm worried there's a bad seed."

"Ops and sciences have differences, but both have to be careful about what we call 'bad seeds'." Ward was giving Skye a lecture it seemed. "People who want to use the tools we give them for…"

"'Bad seed' isn't a S.H.I.E.L.D. term Ward," Skye cut him off. "Just a term." Good on you, Skye.

Ward didn't say anything, just turned back to Weaver. "I know you've already questioned the victim, but I have a few questions I'd like to ask him myself." I instantly craved to be in on that interrogation, but I bit my lip to keep from speaking up. I wasn't here to work. I was here for air. Keep it together.

"I'll arrange for you to talk to Seth Dormer when he's out of class. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get Agents Fitz and Simmons settled into the lecture hall."

"And Agent Crawford," Fitz added, pointing to me. "She's staying with us and will be sitting in on the lecture."

"Very well," Weaver nodded. "Follow me." Fitz and Simmons started to follow her towards the large building and I went to follow.

"Looks like he's not letting you out of his sight," Skye quipped. I didn't say anything, following silently behind the group as they chattered away about what Fitz-Simmons had been up to since graduation. I then realized that I had no clue what the assignment we were on pertained. I know it had involved scientists and tech doing something to hurt someone, but I hadn't time to get into the details. Maybe this lecture to clear that us because it was pretty embarrassing at the moment.

Fitz kept looking over his shoulder to make sure I was there and I smiled every time. Here he was looking out for me just as much as I was for him. For a moment it almost felt like nothing had changed at all.

We arrived in a huge hall with many rows of seats on an incline from ground level with a podium and flag. Weaver started speaking about their speech and I took my cue to find a seat in the very back, looking over all the gathered students as they came flooding in over the next half hour. Even Skye took one a few rows from the front once things were about to start. Nothing caught my eye per say. Not that anything should be catching my eye I suppose.

Weaver took the podium at the foot of all the seats, and the room instantly quieted in respect. She gave a warm smile before beginning. "Today, we're proud to welcome back two of S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy's finest, our youngest graduates to date." I wasn't surprised. Fitz was my brilliant genius after all. There was nothing he couldn't do. "You know their names. Please join me in welcoming back Agent Leopold Fitz and Agent Jemma Simmons."

The applause was large and welcoming as the two rose to take the podium, clearly in their element despite being in front of everyone. I clapped myself, happy to cheer the two on. Fitz instantly found me, as if confirming I was still there. I gave the smallest wave, yawning despite myself. I had been out for about an hour and it already felt like an action-packed day. I forced my eyes to stay open though as Simmons began.

"Thank you, Agent Weaver. It's nice to be back. Unfortunately, is has to be under these circumstances."

Fitz picked right up. "If you don't know the history of S.H.I.E.L.D. by now, there's no excuse… unless you fell asleep in Professor Vaughn's class… that's a perfectly acceptable excuse." Everyone broke out into the laughter signaling an inside joke while I was quickly losing the battle with keeping my eyes open as they continued. There was something about Hydra and plutonium and the rest kind of slipped through my fingers as I leaned against my hand. Five minutes wouldn't kill me. There wouldn't be any nightmares in five minutes.

"Oh God." My eyes instantly sprang open. "Oh god! What is this?!" Everyone started to make noises of confusion, but I was already starting down the stairs. "Hey, what's happening to me?!" I could see it now, a kid stepping out of one of the rows as a cracking sound started. Everyone was beginning to panic now, moving away from him. "Help me!" I came to a stop on the same step as him, young kid with very short dark hair and large scared eyes. "Help me!"

The cracking sound increased and I could now see a layer of ice was beginning to cover him from his feet up, and it was moving fast. "It's going to be okay," I assured him, trying to calm him down. "You're going to be alright.

"Get it off!" he shouted, wrapping his arm around my injured wrist. I grimaced in pain, but fought through it.

"It's okay. We'll figure something out. My friends will figure something out." The ice engulfed his hand now and the grip at my wrist became tight as a vice, making me almost drop in agony. His eyes were locked on mine now, and I held them. At least he wasn't screaming anymore, despite everyone else seeming to. "You're going to be fine!"

And with that, his face was covered and he was engulfed in this ice chrysalis. "Ash!" Fitz was instantly at my side, noting that I was trapped now by his frozen hand. "Okay. Okay. We need to get you out of there."

"Lee, don't worry about me. We have to save this kid first. This can't be good for him."

"Find exposed skin," Simmons went for a case by the stairs. "He needs glucose to raise his body's natural freezing point."

He nodded, getting his head straight with a shake. "Simmons, I need something to break the ice." Everyone was still murmuring and panicking as she handed him some sort of tool, syringe in her hand. "Ready?"

"Yeah." And with that he broke away a patch at his neck, allowing Simmons to inject her syringe. My hand was starting to go numb in a burning fashion. I bit my lip to keep from making noise. I wasn't the focus right now.

It was at that moment Ward came barreling down the stairs. "Fitz, talk to me."

"Something's doing this to him. Find it." Ward and Skye started searching and quickly seemed to find something suspicious. When inquiring what to do next, Fitz lashed out at them from his spot next to me. His hand had laced itself through my other one and accepted my squeezing it like a vice without complaint. "Smash the damn thing!"

They must have because the ice instantly started cracking away to expose a very frosty person beneath. Fitz released my hand to go around behind him, the rest of the team crowding in as well. The kid started to fall down with a groan, pulling me with him. Fitz managed to lower him gently and I fell on top of the both of them in the most ungraceful manner possible.

I quickly scrambled off, pulling my hand free to grab his upper arm. "It's okay. It's okay," Fitz assured him gently as I rubbed the hand up and down. I was struck by how much he looked like Fitz with his button-up shirt, tie, and sweater. There was applause coming from somewhere which was honestly kind of irking me right now more than anything. "It's over." He was breathing so heavily it was starting to worry me.

I took initiative, moving my head forward so it was nearly touching his. "Okay. Okay. Listen, breathe with me okay," I recited the only thing I could remember from my brief stint in therapy. "In." I took a deep breath in and he thankfully followed. "Out." I let it out and he did the same. "In. Out. There we go. In. Out. In. Out." Slowly, his breathing started to return to normal, eyes scrunched closed. "What's your name?"

"Donnie," he managed. "Donnie Gill."

I pulled my head back from his, putting some space between us. I gave him a warm smile. "Well, Donnie, he's right. It's over and you're safe now. Just like I promised. You did great."

"We need to get everyone cleared out," Ward commented.

"Go ahead," I prompted, swinging around so I was sitting next to Donnie now with my feet hanging off the stair. My hand went from his arm to drape around his shoulder. "I'll stick with Donnie here for now." So much for not getting involved. But they weren't getting me away from this kid now if they wanted to. Call it protective instincts kicking back in.

They seemed to accept this and took to ushering everyone out of the hall. I kept my spot next to Donnie though. I soon realized he had no clue who I was though. "I'm Ashleigh," I informed them. "I'm here with Fitz and Simmons."

"Thank you," he finally spoke up, voice quiet and introspective. Perhaps a little shier than Fitz. "Thank you for helping me." His eyes looked down and widened dramatically. "Oh no. I hurt you."

I looked down to see blood had seeped through the bandage, though perhaps not as bad as it would have been weeks ago thankfully. "No. No. I already… it wasn't your fault. You were scared and you had no idea. And it doesn't hurt very much. I promise."

"Well, that seemed to work last time so I'll take your word for it." There he was. I knew there was a personality hiding down there. "I am sorry for the trouble though."

"No trouble. Just my job." He smiled just a hint at this, only to go back to neutral as Skye came to join the group of us. She handed him a hot chocolate which he took with a silent nod of appreciation. It was like a turtle who had climbed right back into his shell.

"Donnie, you can't think of anyone here who'd want to hurt you?" she asked, trying to soft and sweet.

He responded quietly. "I don't know anyone." Just a sad, lonely kid.

Weaver came to stand before us. "Donnie, I'm gonna have you escorted back to your room. You get some rest and stay warm." I pulled my hand away and he rose silently, slowly making his way to exit. He paused before Fitz and Simmons though.

"Sorry I ruined your lecture. I was really looking forward to it." Oh, this kid was melting my heart.

"It's not your fault, Donnie," Simmons reassured him. Once he filed out we all circled up at the front of the room.

"No genetic materials or prints found on the device," Fitz informed Weaver. "The components are rare and expensive."

Simmons clearly agreed. "Freshman pranks are tradition, but these are something else."

"Attempted murder," Weaver voiced what everyone was thinking.

"So, Donnie was the intended target all along?" Ward questioned. "He have anything in common with the Cadets at the pool?" Wow, I really need to catch up on the details here.

"These kids were popular," Weaver put it kindly. "Donnie was…"

"Not," Skye finished.

"He's just shy," I cut in defensively, surprising everyone from the look they gave me. I shrunk back a bit, remembering I wasn't supposed to be involved.

Weaver continued. "Donnie hadn't made any enemies here, but he hadn't made any friends either."

Simmons looked sympathetic. "He had a hard time adjusting? How old is he?"

"Eighteen, youngest since you guys. 190 IQ and failing out of high school when we met him."

"Probably bored out of his mind," Fitz supplied. I got the feeling he understood.

"Mhm. If things went well, we were considering graduating him early and assigning him to the Sandbox." That sounded pretty perfect for him honestly. The kid was too smart not to move on to bigger things. I could tell.

"Wow," Simmons seemed to read my mind. "Well, he would love it there."

"But he doesn't like it here, so I'm afraid he'll wash out," Weaver admitted sadly. Oh, I hoped not. I felt like I needed to talk to Donnie again. We seemed to hit it off- as much as an icicle and the person he ensnared could.

"Maybe that was the idea," Ward speculated. "Agent Weaver, keep working with investigations… interviewing Cadets, instructors."

"Of course." She left just our team standing in the circle, contemplating our next move.

"And us?" Skye voiced.

"Their interviews won't bear fruit," Ward supplied once Weaver had exited. "We teach Cadets to keep secrets. Where did you guys hand out when you wanted to get away from the faculty?"

Simmons paused, looking at Fitz. "Can I tell someone from operations?"

He gave her a look. "Yes, because we need to conduct our own investigation."

"Well then. Follow me." Simmons started out and the rest of us followed, only for Ward to grab my arm. I let out a groan.

"It was an accident. I swear." He was staring at me intensely, like he was looking into me somehow. His eyes went to my wrist. "Ward, please don't kick me out." I twirled my wrist for emphasis, hating myself for the wince I clearly made.

"Crawford…"

"Please. I'll just follow you guys. Won't contribute anything. I'll even wait outside… away from everything. And if I need to crash… I will crash. Scout's honor."

He stared at me for another long moment and I turned to see the whole team watching as they waited by the door. He seemed to lock onto Skye who gave the smallest of nods. "I'm so going to regret this but… fine."

"Thank you." With that taken care of, we followed Simmons back towards the front of the building and stepped out into the bright sun.

"What will we do when we get there?" Simmons inquired.

"We mingle, low key. You and Skye get comfortable with the students… see if you can get them gossiping. Skye looks young enough to blend in."

Skye almost looked offended. "You're not exactly old man river, and Fitz looks younger than us." Notice there was no mention of me. Not that I wanted to be in this one.

"Time will come when you won't make fun of me for that," Fitz carried on as we started down the stairs. "You'll be jealous. You'll be jealous, wrinkly old hags."

Ward came to a stop. "I want Fitz to go talk to Donnie."

"What?" the genius inquired, not expecting that.

"Donnie's withdrawn, might know more than he's letting on. You're a hero here, Fitz. He looks up to you. Go hang out with him. Even if he has no clue who might be after him, he could use a friend."

Simmons's smile couldn't be wider. "That is a wonderful idea."

Fitz seemed to agree. "Ward has them from time to time. I'm taking- "

"He's taking Ashleigh," I piped in, knowing exactly where this was going.

"You're taking Crawford and keeping her out of trouble," Ward followed suit. "The two of you might be a good combination with him."

"Might?" Fitz scoffed. "Come on, Ashleigh. Let's show Mr. Operations how it's done." I took my spot at his side, excited to be helping in even a small way. "We'll meet you later." We started off towards the dorms the two of us, Fitz nudging me with his shoulder. "How are we holding up?"

"Honestly… better than I have in a while. I think getting off the Bus did me some real good."

He couldn't hide his smile if he wanted to. And for once I found myself smiling back. "And the wrist? I know that must have hurt."

"Not going to lie, it did. But it's mostly faded now. We're just lucky it's mostly healed since… since." And just like that, it was like a little blanket had been thrown over me to make breathing harder. "It's hurt a lot worse I supposed." I tried to shake it clear, returning to the mood I had been in before.

Fitz had noticed the shift and seemed to be mentally kicking himself. "You know, back there when you were defending Donnie… I think that was the most I've seen of you in a while. I was getting worried."

I know what he was trying to do. But somehow it seemed to do the opposite, making me pull into myself a little more. It made me remember what I had put everyone through these last few weeks and the guilt came sliding back in. I felt the tears creeping up. "I'm so sorry- "

"Oh God, Ash. No. I didn't mean it like that. That was… that was the wrong thing to say."

I shrugged, forcing myself to try and seem like it hadn't bothered me. I couldn't make him feel any guiltier. "It's fine. I'm fine." He sighed. We walked the rest of the way in silence, Fitz tracking down Donnie's room pretty easily. I tried to shake that cloud loose, but it only seemed to get stronger with each step. There was that familiar twisting in my chest as I recalled Po hovering behind me, honestly looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't.

What the hell was I doing here? I honestly just wanted to be curled up in bed right now rather than drag everyone down with all this. They were wasting valuable time looking after me.

Fitz knocked on the door and a very confused Donnie opened it moments later. I forced my smile back on, protective instincts for this kid flaring and keeping the darkness at bay for now. "Donnie," I greeted.

"Ashleigh. Agent Fitz, sir."

Fitz waved his hand, clearly flattered. "Oh please. Call me Fitz. Mind if we come in?"

He blinked, taking us both in. "Yeah… no. I mean, no. I don't." He opened the door and we both stepped in. It was a tidy little space with merely a dresser, bed, and desk. Though he seemed to have covered everything with models and blueprints, including the walls. We both took a look around, myself not understanding a lick of it.

"Okay, my room was just like this, except, um, um, there was a lot more laundry on the floor." Fitz laughed to himself while Donnie seemed to have his attention on me.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," I lied yet again. "Can I sit for a minute?" I gestured to the bed. "If you don't mind."

"Of course." I perched myself on the edge, letting out a deep breath. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah. Thanks again." He looked down, and again I was struck by how shy and awkward the kid was.

There was a beat of silence before Fitz spoke. "You know; you shouldn't be afraid to tell us if you think someone could be targeting you."

Donnie shook his head. "I'm not. It was… it was probably just a prank. Freshmen get pranked."

"I remember vividly, but that doesn't mean that every freshman needs to be thawed." Fitz noticed something on the wall and was instantly drawn to it. "Is that a design for organic light-emitting diodes?"

"For active camouflage, I'm thinking." Great. Now I was losing them to another language. I had no hope of following this conversation if I wanted to. It was like watching two Fitz's just bounce things off one another. And maybe that was how I viewed Donnie, a tiny more fragile version of Fitz. I leaned against the wall, feeling how dead tired I was catching up with me again. I felt my eyes drifting shut on their own accord.

"Right, Ash?"

"Huh?" I snapped them open, leaning forward to see the two of them.

"I was telling Donnie he should stick around the Academy. That he'd find a friend."

I nodded instantly. "Yes. I have every faith that someone like you has a lot to offer people. If there's hope for Lee, then there's certainly hope for you."

"She's very funny," Fitz quipped. "Actually, we were going to meet our team in the boiler room… if you'd like to join."

"Uh, maybe later. I'm gonna draw up some of those changes."

"Later it is." Fitz went for the door, stopping in front of me.

"I think I'm going to stick around for a few. Don't know if I quite have the energy for a party." I could see he was conflicted, so I covered one of his hands with mine. "I think I might just head to the office honestly. I hate admitting it, but I might be done for today."

I could see the relief course through him. "Alright. I'll let the team know." He opened the door, but paused. "Be safe."

"Always." Once he was out the door, I turned to see Donnie looking at me. "Maybe once upon a time," I admitted, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "Unfortunately, I got a bit screwed up a few weeks ago and I think I ruined our chances."

He regarded me for a moment, clearly unsure what to do about this whole situation. "Is that what happened to your wrist?"

I looked at it, memory floating back to me of the agony I had endured. I forced it down, realizing I probably just looked like a crazy person to this kid. "Yeah, but it's really a long, complicated story." He accepted that, turning back to mess with something at his lab bench. I heard him hum to himself for a moment.

"What are you humming?"

He instantly froze. "Just… just something by a band you've probably never heard of."

"I haven't heard of a lot of bands. But I'm always willing to try something new."

"Of Monsters and Men. The song's called Little Talks, but really their whole album is great."

I nodded, storing that away. "Awesome. I will look them up as soon as I'm back." He smiled shyly before going back to his work, this time sans humming.

I was tempted to stop there and let him work in peace, but for the first time I was also tempted to explain myself. I wanted to tell him why I had never heard about this band. I mean, Donnie knew nothing about me. He didn't know my story. He wasn't up to his eyeballs in worry for me. He just saw me as the girl who helped him right now. I wasn't really anything to him and despite my protectiveness he really wasn't anything to me right now.

And somehow it made it all the easier to swing and face him with an important question in mind. Skye's words echoed in my head. "Donnie, can… can I talk to you about something? If you don't mind. I don't want to bother you or anything, I just… I have something I think you can help me get off my chest."

"I guess so," came his response after what seemed like forever. He seemed perplexed… and that was just going to get worse. "I mean, you helped me. Is this about what happened to you?"

"Yeah." I took a deep breath, knowing I needed to start at the beginning. "So, I'm actually not an Agent. I'm from the future."

XXX

 _And there it is. I know a lot of people have been waiting for this one with baited breath and here it finally is. Thank you all so much for you love and overwhelming support. It's great to have such a passionate fan base behind you and I work hard to make sure I live up to that. So thank you and I can't wait for the next round._

 _Thank you to those who have followed this story in our interim: LunaVonMonroe, livvixxx, 2ndDraft, GrySlyRavHuf23, Secretagentherodragondaydream, Zagilas, litlecruz, kaitycora, ExploderKing, Andy Hearter, pauoagirl, piggythelaw, hecatewrites, XxRikela-chanxX, Killjoy funny man, fanpire.x, YoullBeAvenged (totally read this in Hill's voice), Music4ever19, EvilRandomCrazyIndividual, anitahuggins1996, AveMak, CMPunkOrton, housedayne, ttw3399, and Riley Vaughn._

 _Thank you to those who count this story among their favorites: BlueMetalXavier, sofialorido995, LunaEvanna Longbottom, Zagilas, ExploderKing, Andy Hearter, XxRikela-chanxX, Killjoy funny man, fanpire.x, YoullBeAvenged, anitahuggins1996, AveMak, ttw3399, and again Riley Vaughn._

 _And now to those very passionate reviewers for such lovely words and making their voices and thoughts known: Guest, Guest (not sure if the same one), my lovely friend eckles, NessieBooEvans, Guest, YoullBeAvenged, M, simslovr1, VioletKane, TabloidTeen, silent song of shadows, ThisCharmingManda, MulishaMaiden, iblamegreenberg, Arinlianette, WhiteRabbit1231, Bruna Santos 30 my love, livvixxx, victordebilly, mlr96, Lara Barnes, Robyn-in-the-air, and Leopard Feather. Wow. That number is astounding. Thank you all._


	25. Of Monsters and Men

_Of Monsters and Men_

"Honestly, I didn't think this was how things were going to go when I asked to talk," I shouted over my shoulder, words trying to overcome the whipping wind. Both of my companions ignored me from their spot in the driver and passenger seats, focusing on flooring it through the darkness at what had to be above the speed limit. The lights of the Academy were getting smaller and smaller behind us, and I couldn't help but think that after all this Coulson was going to drop me off at the Hub for at least the next year.

Because right now I was handcuffed in the bed of a black truck with two terrified kids, some Seth punk and my buddy Donnie, driving and some kind of larger version of the freezing machine before me.

Basically the opposite of keeping out of this assignment.

After I had admitted to Donnie that I was from the future quite candidly, maybe should have thought that one through more, he had blinked a few times in rapid succession before being able to answer. "Huh? Wait, what? You're- this is some kind of prank right?"

"Oh I wish," I had declared, patting the bed for him to join me. He merely stared. "You see; I woke up in Director Fury's office a few months ago with nothing in my head. Zippo. Zilch. Except that I was Agent Ashleigh Crawford of S.H.I.E.L.D. And that turned out to be a flat out lie." I grew more animated as I began to weave my tale, hands moving dramatically in every direction. "I wasn't in the system. I wasn't in any system. They tried everything- blood, fingerprints, hairs, etcetera. Nothing. DNA tests pulled up that my parents… both men. Then I got two women. I was all kinds of impossible. I was all kinds of invisible. And that Donnie my friend is because I didn't exist… yet."

I could tell I had his interest now. He had put the tools down and was giving me his full attention. I smiled at him, somehow feeling a swell in my chest that made me almost want to cry. I was excited. I was excited to be telling him all this- to unload it all. It felt great. I felt better than I had in weeks. So I didn't stop. I didn't reflect on memories or feelings of the moments I was explaining. I didn't linger. No. I just kept going.

"And I bet you're wondering… well, you go ahead and ask." He froze, but I waved my hand at him. "Go ahead. Ask." He kept staring and I let out a huff, rising to stand in front of him- energy already back up from almost drifting off before. "Come on. Just ask. It's okay."

He finally spoke up. "Then… how do you know you're from the future?"

"Exactly!" I commended him, and his expression told me he wasn't used to someone speaking to him in this manner. And I found the words I had used so often to Fitz slipping out as if on their own accord. "That's the brilliant genius I've heard about- asking the right questions." And then his expression morphed again, almost stopping me in my tracks. I couldn't quite place it, but it was like there was a shift in our relationship very suddenly and violently.

It was the way he looked at Fitz. He was looking up to me now rather than at me… metaphorically of course since he was a touch taller. Like I had just clicked into place as a role in his life he needed filled. Like those words meant more to him than I could even comprehend. It was so much emotion hitting me it was almost staggering.

He quickly looked down though, seeming to realizing his own actions. I cleared my throat and forced myself to continue, trying to get back into my flow from earlier. "Dirt. There was dirt on the bottom of the shoes I arrived in. Simmons looked into it though, and then lied and hid the results from me because she thought I was just a blight on the team and universe that no one was ready to know about. But that is totally another story for another conversation. It's basically water under the bridge… I think. Things took prescedence," I waved the topic away. "And when Simmons looked into them- "

"She found they were much older than they should be." He looked back up at me, emotions pulled back and mask in place once again. I don't think I would be catching him off guard again if he had anything to say about it. Doesn't mean I was going to stop trying though. "How long?"

"At least a hundred years." I let the words sink in. He ran a hand through his hair nervously and I couldn't help but bark out a laugh. A genuine real laugh. "Sorry," I apologized at his confused look. "It's just… I do the exact same thing. It was… it was like looking in the mirror for a moment. Which is a big deal for me, because it proves you smart kids might just be human after all." I didn't add the other thing that had struck me because it was maybe a little too weird- he was a Fitz doing an Ashleigh action. Like some kind of hybrid of the two of us. And that tickled me for some inexplicable reason.

"Or maybe it means in the future you were a genius too," he volunteered.

"Maybe," I smiled fondly. "I honestly never thought that." There was a beat as I digested that and burying my desire to just pull this kid in for what would be a much needed hug. He didn't look like the hugging type though… yet of course. I was pretty confident in my abilities.

"You're really from the future," he almost whispered, like he was afraid to say it loudly. I didn't blame him though. It was a very hard pill to swallow, especially for myself.

"Yes. I was."

"Okay," he nodded, completely trusting me with the impossible. "Why?"

The smile bloomed on my face again, even though we would be leading into the hard part soon. "But why you ask. And that leads us to- "

I held my wrist up just as the door was thrown open. A kid about a year or so older than Donnie came running in, dressed in a suit with long hair that went down to his shoulders. He seemed frantic and instantly had both of our attention, though his eyes instantly went to me. "What's she doing here?"

"She's- uh- she's- "

"I'm sorry," I apologized quickly, saving poor Donnie the trouble. "I didn't realize Donnie was hanging out with someone tonight. I was just blabbering on, but it can wait until next time." I turned to Donnie and he opened his mouth. "It's fine. I told Lee… Fitz that I'd be in the office so I should actually probably get over there before the entire team loses it. I'm on a pretty short leash right now."

"Ashleigh- "

"She's with them?" the kid asked, cutting Donnie off. He was being a bit forceful for my liking, but I tried to be polite when I turned to them.

"Yes. I am. I've just kind of been tagging along- "

I didn't have time to react as this kid, this punk, knocked me off balance and send me sprawling onto the bed. "Seth!" Donnie shouted, clearly reeling as well. My mind instantly went to my training and I prepared to launch myself off the bed and kick this creep in the face. Who the hell even was this kid?

But then I caught sight of Donnie, hands on his head and looking absolutely terrified. But he didn't look clueless as to what was going on. Something was going on here. Something big. So I made a choice May had trained me for as well- I was biding my time until I got some more answers. Coulson could send me to The Hub with Hand for it, but I couldn't in good conscience just let this be. I could somehow just sense Donnie needed me.

So I left my hands get pulled behind my back, letting out a cry as they were handcuffed behind my back directly over the bandage. Seth suddenly let go as I heard a grunt from behind me. "Stop it!" Donnie shouted. "You're hurting her! Stop it!"

"We need her, Donnie! We don't know how long we have. Did you get him to fix it?"

"Yeah," Donnie stammered. "It should be ready now."

"Then we don't have much time before they figure it out. We need to go."

"But we can't take her with us." I was trying to get a handle on this conversation, mind whirring. Obviously these two had something to do with events on campus. That much was pretty clear. But their relationship was baffling me. Donnie seemed to hang on every word this Seth punk was saying, despite the fact he seemed to hate most of them. He wasn't even really being bullied into submission as much as giving inch after inch willingly.

"We need to. It's the only way we can make sure they don't follow us."

"Do I get a say in this?" I piped in. "Because I would rather now go anywhere but to the office where my team is expecting me." I turned my head towards Donnie, seeing him shrinking back out of the corner of my eye. "Donnie, just let me go."

He shrunk even farther back. "I-I- "

I re-doubled my efforts, voice remaining calm. "It's okay. We'll figure this out."

"Don't listen to her Donnie," Seth cut in, instantly having the poor kid's focus. What sort of brainwashing had happened here? I was clearly fighting a losing battle. "Grab the machine and let's get going." Donnie instantly went to do so, nodding numbly.

At that moment the door was thrown open again. "Oh no." Ice flowed through my veins as I instantly recognized that voice. Seth hauled me to my feet, some kind of gun going to the side of my head. And there right before me was Fitz. His face had gone white as a sheet. "Ash…"

"Don't take another step," Seth warned. Fitz instantly halted, hands going up. He was almost trembling as he looked at the mess I had gotten myself into.

"That's not a real gun," he muttered, trying to take a step forward. He was clearly grasping at straws, desperate to get to me in any way possible. "It's an air cannon."

"Doesn't mean you want to see what it can do if I fire it point blank against her head." He halted again, and I could see his mind was going a million miles an hour. He almost seemed more scared than I did right now.

"I'm okay," I told him, trying to sound as confident as possible. "They didn't hurt me, Lee. I'm alright." I tried to take a step towards him, but Seth held me tight. I was really starting to want to knock him off his feet, but I held tight. I needed the right moment. Plus, I also did not want to find out what this air cannon would do against my head.

Fitz glanced over to where Donnie was now holding a large white canister that had been sitting on his desk while we'd been talking. "That's what you're trying to power… a bigger version of the ice machine?" So they were the culprits after all. But Donnie had been the victim of one of the attacks. Why would he put himself in danger like that?

Because it crossed him off as a suspect. It was an act.

Anger flared in me. It was an act. The whole thing had been an act to make himself look innocent. And I had fell for it. I had actually believed I could help him when he was nothing but a deceitful liar. I crouched just a touch, ready to slam my shoulder up and disarm this asshole before I took him to the floor. Then I would knock Donnie out against the wall. "You weren't supposed to see this," Donnie rattled to Fitz. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

He sounded genuinely terrified, like this whole thing had spiraled out of his control. And just like that I saw that kid again, the one that reminded me so much of Fitz. I don't know how I knew, but I believed this wasn't an act. That Donnie was the person I had been getting to know- that he was in over his head and crying out for help with every sentence he was uttering. That this Seth punk had gotten him into trouble and he didn't know how to get out of it by himself now.

He had trusted me. Now I needed to trust the vibes I was getting from him. I had to help him.

Even if it meant letting Seth take me out of here.

"Lee!" I shouted, gaining his attention again. I knew I only had one shot at this. I had one attempt to convey everything I was about to do and the part I needed to play in this. I knew deep in my bones Fitz and I had a connection that ran deeper than I knew with anyone else. A connection I had been ready to explore until all this… crap happened to spoil everything. And I hadn't exactly been cultivating it these last few weeks by pushing him away, but it had to still be there. It had to be. I had done a number on it, but it just wouldn't disappear into thin air. And I was about to put it to the ultimate test despite the shaky foundation it currently stood on.

Every movement was purposeful. I glanced at Donnie very fast, the poor kid clutching the machine with trembling white knuckles, before locking eyes with Fitz again. "Help." I tried to put all my feelings into that one word while masking it from Seth what I meant. That he needed to let them walk me out the door. That I could help. That Donnie was the weak link that needed help.

Time stood still for a second and to the naked eye my word fell on deaf ears. But I had studied Fitz long enough to notice the smallest deepening of his frown and crinkling of his brow. "I… she has just been through hell, Donnie. I don't think I… I don't think she can take this happening again. I just got her back. I can't lose her again."

I had to show him that wasn't going to happen. He was worried letting me do this would be the final nail in the coffin of who I used to be. That being taken would drown Ash forever. And I could see how he felt that way. But I knew it wasn't true. The idea of saving Donnie was driving me- that protective instinct was once again flaring bright. I had to save him from himself. Just like in doing do I think I was going to save me.

I knew only one way to convey that. I slammed my shoulder up, knocking Seth a little off balance and using my leg to yank his arm down and make him send the gun clattering to the floor. But then I locked eyes with Fitz and stopped, remaining still as Seth grabbed me again with an even tighter grip. I winced as he gripped my wrist a little too tight, but forced it down. Soon the gun was back at my head, but I never looked away from Fitz for an instant.

He stared for just the briefest of moments before turning back to Seth. "The team will come after you. As soon as you leave this room I will call them." I nearly sighed in relief. He understood. And though it was very clear he wasn't happy about it, he understood what needed to be done. I imagined I was going to get quite the lecture about it though, especially now that I was taking lead on a mission I wasn't even technically on. The next time Fitz was probably going to put me on one of those child leashes actually if I didn't end up at The Hub with Hand for a year. Kill me now.

"And you'll be sure to let them know we have her hostage," Seth fired back, slowly making his way around the cramped room towards the door. I was pulled to his side and tried to give the appearance of being dragged unwillingly, staggering a bit. Donnie followed a step behind us, looking down. Fitz remained rooted in his spot, not daring to move while I was still in Seth's grasp.

"Ash," he whispered quietly, hand twitching at his side. He was giving me my last chance to back out of our admittedly ill-conceived plan.

"Lee," I answered, voice even. "It's going to be okay."

I didn't see Seth raise his gun. All I saw was Fitz get knocked back into the desk with an amazing amount of force. "No!" I shouted, completely horrified. I hadn't thought that would happen. I hadn't even considered it. "Lee!" Seth was now really forcing me out the door as I tried to get over to Fitz and make sure he was alright. If he was hurt because of me I would never forgive myself. "Lee! Let go of me! Lee!"

"Come on!" Seth barked, dragging me down the hallway. And despite my desperate need to get back in there and get Fitz to safety with the others, I had to remember what he had been allowing me to do. I needed to play this smart and shouting in the dorm hallway wasn't doing that. I tried to convince myself that Fitz would be fine and I'd see him soon. I knew that familiar pit wouldn't leave until I did, but I tried to refocus on the mission at hand. The mission Fitz had trusted me with. I had to talk Donnie out of this.

I let them drag me down the stairs and eventually into a parking lot behind the dorm building. It was getting dark now and I knew the two of them felt they had to leave campus before Ward locked this entire place down. Knowing him, they probably had a few minutes at best. So I tried not to make dragging me along too time consuming, though I also tried not to look like I wanted to be an accomplice to this. It was a fine line.

Seth lifted me up and dropped me on the truck bed harder than I thought was necessary as Donnie gently loaded in the machine as well. I must have lost more weight than I thought if this Seth bastard was able to throw me around like some kind of doll. Oh, I was going to eat all of Skye's pancakes tomorrow morning just to spite him. Then we'll see who can pick who up.

I could tell kidnapping wasn't his expertise though as he proceeded to just leave me sitting back there while he went to start the car. As if he expected I would just stay put and let myself get kidnapped. I could have run for that school and they'd never have a chance of getting me back. But in this case I just sucked it up, actually just letting myself get kidnapped.

Donnie was still carefully loading the machine, even as the engine started roaring. "I used to have a tattoo," I spoke suddenly. He didn't look at me, but I knew he was listening. "I used to have a tattoo where the bandage is. It was the only clue I had when I arrived. It told me the only two things I had to go on about my reason for being here. They were that I needed to join Coulson's team and that I needed to save him." I felt a stab in my gut as I remembered the words, briefly seeing them staring at me from my own skin dangling in front of me. I forced the bile down though, knowing I couldn't freeze up now. "And that's what I've done. Only I don't know who him is. So instead I've been trying to save everyone, Donnie. Everyone."

He didn't look up, but there was a change in his posture. His shoulder drooped just a touch before he went back to work. "Did-did you mean it before? When you called me your friend?"

"Of course I did," I responded sincerely. Here I was worried and he was thinking I had been the one playing him for information. "You still are, everything considered. Though you may owe me a Pop Tart or something when all this is over."

He was silent for a moment, before finally letting his eyes meet mine. They were frozen wide in what was a look or being completely overwhelmed and terrified. "I need your help. I-I don't think I want to do this. I never wanted it to be like this." Just then, Seth honked and made us both jump.

"I know," I assured him. "So go with him and when we get wherever he's taking us; I promise the two of us are going to figure this out… together." He nodded, a small amount of relief causing him to take a shaky breath. And I swear I saw just a hint of a smile. He quickly finished and made his way to the passenger seat, Seth quickly gunning it with no regard for the girl tied up in the back who nearly fell over.

Which led me to where I was now, trying to stay upright as the truck made a sharp turn before coming to an abrupt stop. We hadn't been driving for more than seven minutes, meaning we couldn't be that far from campus. And our abrupt driving made me think we had run into a number of dead ends, meaning this was perhaps the only place we could go. Ward must have us pretty tightly cornered already, hopefully meaning Fitz had been able to reach him quickly. He had to be okay. He just had to be.

Seth scrambled out of the driver's seat as I took in my surroundings. We seemed to be in front of some abandoned parking garage, judging by the fact there wasn't another car to be seen in the area. Or maybe it just too late for anyone to be out. Either way, I wasn't going to be getting any help. It was just the three of us. And Donnie was the piece in the middle to decide who got the majority.

Seth pulled out his phone and starting dialing furiously while Donnie emerged from his door and hopped onto the truck bed. He began to play around with the machine and I walked on my knees over to perch beside him. Seriously, these kids were amateurs. If I wanted to I could knock both of them out right now and end this. I wasn't even being watched.

But that wasn't the plan. "You said you used to have the tattoo," Donnie spoke up. "What happened?"

And here we were. Part of me wanted to just go lean against the truck bed again or even hide under it. But I forced the other part of me, the one driven by Skye's words and my own need to get rid of this darkness, to come to the forefront. And I started to force my mouth to say the words I had never planned on saying to anyone.

"I was… kidnapped. I was taken by a group who wanted the obvious really. They… they wanted to know the future. They wanted me to tell them what was going to happen."

"Dad, I need to talk to Mr. Quinn right now!" Seth shouted. We both glanced up to see he was practically pacing in the parking lot, phone held up to his ear.

"But you don't remember anything," Donnie returned to our conversation. "So you couldn't tell them anything even if you wanted to."

"Yeah," I agreed, mind drifting back to that hellhole. "But that didn't stop them from trying." I had tears in my eyes now and desperately wiped them away. "They- they- "

"You don't have to talk about it."

I shook my head, sniffling as the tears kept coming despite my furious blinking. "I do." And then I began the list, each one getting harder than the last. "They cut me open to poke around my insides without my knowledge or consent. They tried drowning me. They assaulted me. They slammed me around and electrocuted me. They… they cut off the only piece of knowledge I had to who I was and waved it in front of my face." The tears were flowing freely now and I wanted to curl up in a ball. Everything was hitting me like a freight train. "They took a piece of me in that room… and I'm never going to get it back." I was almost sobbing now, shaking violently. "Plus, now I get these nightmares of things I can't have done. But I know they have to be memories. I can't remember anything when I wake up but I just know. They haunt me when I sleep and they just keep reminding me I'm a different person. That Ashleigh Crawford was always just a lie, but I suppose that doesn't matter since she's gone now."

I was practically hyperventilating. All my worst fears were out on the table. "And I can't tell my team that. I can't tell anyone that. So I tell them I'm fine. I lie and I lie and I lie. They know I am and I know I am, but I just keep doing it. I try to keep them away because I can't stand them to learn the truth. Because I know they think they can save me. But I can't be saved and when they learn that… it will destroy them." Their images all flashed through my mind- my whole team that was fighting so hard. "All I do now is hurt people… all I'm going to do is hurt people. And I can't stop myself from doing it." I looked skyward, trying just to breathe. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating. I couldn't stop the spiral downward- I couldn't stop falling. My hand throbbed and that was all I could feel- what I had lost. That everyone would eventually give up on me as I had myself.

That this darkness was all I was going to know.

And then I felt someone pull my head down so they could place their forehead against mine. "Ashleigh, you need to breathe. You're okay. You're safe now. So take a deep breath. Like we did before okay? In." They took a deep breath in and desperate I did the same. "Out." He slowly let his breath out and I followed suit, my heart slowing from its thundering just a touch. "In. Out. In. Out." And so it continued for what must have been a solid minute, Donnie bringing me down from off the edge slowly as could be. I let the world come back into focus, remembering where I was and what was going on. Seth was still yelling on the phone and Donnie was right in front of me, looking almost as frantic as Fitz had earlier. "Are- are you okay?"

I went to say my automatic answer, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't lie to Donnie now, not after what had just transpired. I was tired with lying altogether- of pretending with the people closest to me. So for the first time I told the truth. "No. I just went to a really dark place. But I think… I think I'm back now." I pulled back a bit so I could get a full view of Donnie, again struck by how much he reminded me of my best friend. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You-you have nothing to apologize for. It all sounds… awful. The tattoo… the nightmares… I'm sorry we took you like this. It must not be helping things."

"You are," I admitted. "I don't know why… other than you remind me of Fitz… but I felt like I could tell you all that. And I did."

"And do you feel any better?" he asked cautiously, almost afraid to send me spiraling again.

I took a deep breath, taking stock of everything. "I-I think I just hit rock bottom actually." He reeled back a bit so I quickly clarified. "But I think I needed to. Now I can start moving in the other direction. Like getting the two of us out of this mess."

"What do you mean?" Seth inquired from his conversation in the lot. It sounded like we were starting to run out of time. I needed to move fast.

"I suggest we knock out that pathetic excuse for a S.H.I.E.L.D. trainee and then the two of us drive this machine back to campus." Donnie's eyes widened and I tried to calm him. "We tell them everything. That this has all been Seth- he's the one who hurt Fitz. He's the one who took me. You built this because you were listening to him. I will vouch for you. I will make sure they know you helped me. I can't guarantee you won't be punished, but it won't be nearly as bad as if you hand this thing over to whoever he's talking to right now."

"What about Seth?" I was so astounded by the question I didn't answer right away. "What happens to him if we go back?"

I rolled my eyes. "Who cares?"

I regretted the words the instant I saw Donnie react negatively to them. "I do. He's my friend Ashleigh."

"He's an asshole who manipulated you into building this." I looked over at Seth, seething at what he had done to Fitz still. No one and I mean no one hurt my best friend and earned any sort of pity from me. But he was also just a kid too the voice in the back of my head said. A kid who seemed just as cornered in some ways. Yes, he had manipulated Donnie… but maybe he was being used himself. It sure sounded like it from what I had heard of this phone call. So I took a deep breath and pushed my personal feelings aside. "We will take Seth back with us. He'll have to answer to what he's done same as you, which in his case includes shooting an Agent, but at least he will be safe and have a chance at putting his life back together. And that is the best thing you, as his friend, can give him."

Donnie nodded just as Seth made his way over to us, climbing onto the truck bed himself so he was across from his so-called friend. "Quinn wants a demonstration before he comes and gets us. He's upset about the whole business with S.H.I.E.L.D.," he relayed. Ian Quinn. So he was the one behind all this. Oh, this just went from awful to downright disastrous. Dr. Hall had died so the Gravitoneum had avoided his clutches. I wasn't about to let him get his hands on this too, nor would there be any demonstrating.

"Hey, kidnap victim here," I cut in, between the two boys at the back of the machine. "I vote we don't demonstrate anything. In fact, I vote we turn ourselves over promptly and end this before anyone gets hurt."

"I didn't ask you," Seth remarked. He grabbed a large winter jacket and passed it to his partner in crime. "Ready for this, Donnie?" Donnie took it, but was clearly hesitant. Seth picked up on it right away. "Hey. We've come this far."

"And it's far enough," I added, only to receive a look. I didn't back down though, actually making Seth back down before he could me.

"Actually, maybe it's too far," Donnie finally spoke up. Yes. I had him. I could steer us out of here if I did this right. We could avoid the disaster I felt building in this tin can in front of all of us. "Ashleigh and I were talking…"

"I don't care what she has to say." Seth made Donnie back down with one forceful comment. He still had some control over the poor kid it seemed. It was literally his only two friends arguing and he was stuck between us. Seth had more time to sink his hooks in but I had to believe what I had shared with Donnie showed just how much I had come to trust him in such a short time. That he had saved me and now I was just trying to return the favor. "We're in this together… you and me against the world, right? How many times have we said we want a chance to do something incredible?" So this is what he had preyed upon- my mini Fitz hadn't been lucky enough to find a mini Simmons. He had found a mini Quinn instead.

But then Seth did something that surprised me. Rather than put that second jacket on himself, he draped it over my shoulders. Though I didn't have arms free to put through the sleeves as they dangled uselessly behind me, he still positioned as tightly around me as he could. Donnie followed suit, putting his own on and leaving Seth is just his button-up shirt.

Maybe Seth wasn't hopeless after all.

"Actually, the incredible thing would be admitting you two have screwed up royally and turning yourselves in," I volunteered. "Because there is still time to make all of this right." I nodded towards the jacket. "You're both good kids. I can see that. Don't throw everything you can possibly achieve away."

"Yeah, and we get all that by turning this on and making a ton of money." Seth tried to get Donnie's attention as the poor kid just looked at the machine in deep thought. He seemed to be weighing everything. "Come on. Say something."

"I'm… I'm nervous," he admitted, voice shaking. "The… the prototypes are harmless, burn out in minutes, but this? We haven't run virtual simulations. At this size, with the new power source, it's not safe." Yes, Donnie, stand up to him. Reason with him. Fight. "Ashleigh's right. If we turn ourselves over now, at least we didn't turn this on and hurt anyone. We need to go back."

"Ashleigh's lying to you, dude. She wants you to go back so her team can lock us up. Is that what you want? For no one to ever have a chance to see what we're capable of? To never have a chance at being appreciated and understood? Because that's what she's trying to get you to do."

I was about to argue, but Donnie was surprisingly quicker. "She wouldn't do that."

Seth rose his eyebrows. "Really? You just met her today and her team came here to take us down. What makes you think you can trust her?"

"Because she's been through hell," he fired back, voice building with a strength I had never seen from him before. Like Fitz when he started down a passionate peace of spouting about science. "And we put her in the same situation again, but she's not fighting us. She's trying to help us, despite the fact that you kidnapped her and shot a member of her team."

"Hey, he found us out. And it was your idea to draw him here to fix your damn power source." Okay, they were both getting slapped upside the head over that. No one used Lee's brain for their own selfish ends when he was my best friend. "And that is the exact reason she is just trying to deceive us. Don't fall for whatever game she's playing."

Donnie thankfully disagreed though. "She protects people. Even when they hurt her like we did, she is still willing to protect them because that is who she is. She's told me and I've seen it. So I know she wouldn't lie to me. She's right. We need to go back." He climbed out of the truck bed and helped me down as well, both of us staring at a very shocked Seth.

"Seth, come on down. I will tell Weaver you cooperated. I will do everything in my power to help the two of you complete your schooling. You made a mistake. Just own up to it and learn from it. Become a better Agent." Nothing. "Either that, or I will take you down and you will have to deal with the consequences as they are dealt."

He stared at us for what felt like an eternity. I had everything crossed, hoping that last sentence hadn't been too much… or necessary. Finally, he seemed to move towards us, scooting towards the edge of the truck bed. But then he lunged for the machine. "Our plan has worked so far Donnie, and so will this."

By the time I had rolled back onto the truck bed it was too late. The switch had been flipped and the machine came to life. Donnie climbed up after me as it glowed blue and white fog started to shoot out of the top of it, both of us frantic. "Donnie, can you shut this down?!"

He looked at the panel, frantically trying to think of something. "I don't know. We don't exactly have an off switch built in- "

Just then it stopped. We all waited, but nothing happened. "It's still on," Donnie commented, "but it looks like it didn't work."

I sighed in relief. "Oh thank God. Thank God your complete and utter stupidity didn't get us killed. Thank God…"

I stopped at the tap on my shoulder. I turned and Donnie pointed towards the horizon, where it had become significantly lighter than would be expected. It looked like the clouds were moving at a much faster rate than I had ever seen before. They started to make a circle and my throat dropped into my stomach as the wind picked up around us, sending my ponytail whipping in front of my face.

I turned to glare at Seth, who seemed to be looking at the sight in awe. "I swear to God if your stupidity gets anyone hurt I am going to see that you are locked up alone for the rest of your days." I turned back to Donnie. "Can we reverse this?"

He went to say something, but at that moment a solid chunk of ice landed in the bed of the truck. Donnie hesitantly picked it up, barely able to wrap his hand around it. Another fell a moment later and the wind started to get even wilder, cutting right through me and carrying off the warm coat I was wearing. Then came a third, causing the light pole a few feet away from us to spark.

"Get inside the car," I ordered. "Now." I let Donnie help me off the bed of the truck and we sprinted towards the door. He threw it open and helped me in before he followed. Seth climbed in the driver's side and though it was extremely tight, the three of us sandwiched in as the hail started to pick up and crack the glass above us. One the size of a boulder landed next to us and we all nearly jumped in the air. I just prayed the glass held. "When this slows down, we need to make a break for the machine and stop this. Those clouds are right over the Academy. There are hundreds of kids your age with their whole lives ahead of them there. My team is there."

Seth opened his mouth, but I cut him off. "You don't get to speak anymore. You wasted your chance. I can promise you there is nothing you can say right now I want to hear. If anyone dies Seth, if anyone even just gets hurt… that is on you. You have to live with it. So I would take this time to reflect on how you're going to do that?" I let that sink in for a beat before adding something. "Also, you are going to uncuff me this instant while we have a moment."

"How do I know you won't just take off when I do?" God, Seth. I gave him a look that hopefully conveyed how idiotic I thought he was being before nodding towards the onslaught of hail coming down.

"Where the hell am I going to run to Seth? You said we were boxed in. Well, now is what I would call boxed in! Like it or not for both of us I am stuck here. So you can let me help you fix this… or I will kick you through that door straight into the storm you have brought down upon us." I didn't know if I could deliver on that, but he didn't need to know that. "So choose quickly."

He didn't waste a beat before pulling a key from his pants pocket. I leaned forward and he quickly freed one hand and then the other. I stretched my shoulders before bringing them both back in front of me, noticing the bandage was soaked red at this point. Donnie seemed to notice too, and I waved my hand at his apologetic look. The truck suddenly lurched as a piece of nasty hail clipped the side, sending both of us nearly on top of Seth before we slid back.

"All the money in the world won't matter if we're dead, Seth." Donnie spoke up. "I don't care what Quinn said. We need to fix this. I need your help to fix this."

"Do the right thing," I added. "I have faith that's all you ever truly wanted to do. You just lost your path along the way."

"We're your friends," Donnie continued. "We wouldn't lie to you."

"I don't know if we're friends," I cut in. "But saving the world together actually might be a pretty good start. I'll only kick some of your teeth in rather than all of your teeth."

We sat in silence until the hail finally came to a stop, waiting a minute before climbing out of the truck. "The ice stopped," Seth stated the obvious. "So it's ending?"

We came to stand together at the back of the truck. "No," Donnie disagreed, pointing to the clouds that were swirling in a circle around us. "It's just the beginning. We're in the eye of the storm." The clouds suddenly crackled an unnatural blue.

"You put ice in the clouds," I guessed as the two boys climbed into the truck bed once again to work on their machine.

"Crystalline nucleation," Seth used a big fancy word just because he could.

"We seeded the clouds and created a superstorm." He started to play with the wires and devices in place, Seth falling into step across from his to do the same. "Hopefully, we can reverse the process though." The two of them started to move hurriedly in ways I could never understand, pulling out one wire but not another. Moving dials in certain positions before pausing. I just paced by the bed as they worked, watching the lightning on the horizon.

Please let the team be okay.

The wind started to pick up again as they worked, almost stinging my face with how hard it was hitting. Thunder crashed and unfortunately it sounded closer rather than miles upon miles away. "how are we doing boys?"

"Seth, hold the barium hydroxide chamber in place!" Donnie braked, clearly now the one in charge. Another gust of wind made the truck tilt, but the two managed to hold it together. I looked to see the clouds had now built like a tornado around us. This garage was the only place you could see the sky above you.

Again, please let the team be okay.

"Hold on!" Donnie shouted as he pulled a wire with a large jerk. "Okay. That should do it."

I drifted back over to them. The screen of the machine had shut off, but the storm showed no sign of dissipating around us. If anything, it seemed to be getting worse. "Now take…"

There was a huge spark of electricity from the machine. I ducked under the truck, watching as Seth hit the pavement with a scream. As soon as the sound of sparks stopped I was back up. With a glance I confirmed Donnie was okay despite hitting the back corner of the truck, and then sprinted to Seth who was lying still on the ground.

"Oh God," I muttered, kneeling beside him. I put my ear to his chest, but it wasn't beating. He wasn't breathing. The shock had stopped his heart. "Oh God. Oh God. Oh God." I took a deep breath, gathering myself. Donnie would panic. I couldn't afford to. I needed to keep a calm head.

I needed to know CPR or something.

Except I didn't. Or maybe I did once, but I sure didn't now.

Maybe I once did.

I took a deep breath, squeezing my eyes shut and willing my brain to cooperate. Maybe the door to my head had been unlocked. Maybe rather than let the memories come through the door, I could go through and find the one I needed. Not a big one, just a simple one. A simple one that would save the life of the asshole kid who had started this mess.

I was scared to try, but I had to. Because Donnie Gill was right.

My name was Ashleigh Crawford. And I protected people.

Just like that it hit me, a vision of gloves and pumping someone's chest on a metal table. I opened my eyes and sprang into action, locking my shoulders and applying thrusts in the middle of his chest at the nipple line. Just like I had learned.

"Seth!" Donnie shouted, making his way over to us. "Seth!" I finished thirty compressions and administered two rescue breaths, afraid that if I paused to comfort Donnie I would lose the memory. So I pushed everything out- the wind, the lightning, Donnie shouting beside me. I merely kept working- thirty compressions followed by two breaths. "We need to get underground. The storm's picking up again."

"Come on Seth," I growled. "You don't get to die on me after what you put me through. I told you I was the one who got to kill you… and I meant it."

Suddenly, there was a whirring noise above our head. I took a brief second to look up, unable to stop the smile spreading across my face as the Bus itself hovered above us. The Calvary had arrived… literally. I kept pumping as the plane came down practically vertically, the cargo ramp lowering before it even touched the ground.

"Ashleigh!" Simmons's voice shouted over the wind, but I didn't dare stop.

"He's been hurt!" Donnie shouted as she made her way over to us. Coulson, Skye, and Fitz were with her. That pit in my stomach shriveled up at the sight of him. He was alright. "Please, you need to help him!"

Skye pulled me back as the boys lifted him and it was like the spell was broken. I suddenly had no clue what I had been doing or how I had done it. I just hoped I had done it right. I sprinted back towards the Bus, jumping onto the ramp as Fitz strapped the oxygen to Seth and Simmons puts the pads from the AED on his chest.

"Get ready to clear," Simmons ordered and we all back off a bit, though still crowded him. The ramp lifted and we felt ourselves moving up- out of the wrath of the storm. "Charging!"

The shock came and then came the sound of blips from the AED, quickly forming a natural rhythm. Soon the mask highlighted the sound of his breathing, and I fell back on my butt in relief. My hands ran through my hair before one rested on Seth's shoulders. He looked like he was going to be sick, but there was just a hint of a smile on his face. "You did it," he breathed.

"No. Simmons- "

I was silenced as he pulled in for a tight hug. I hadn't thought making him a hugger would be this quick. "You saved him, Ashleigh. You saved both of us. Thank you." He was almost crying now. "Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you."

I glanced up to see everyone was looking at me. Skye looked like something was wrong which I was going to question later, Simmons looked shocked, Coulson looked peeved and relieved mixed together, and Fitz… Fitz was looking at me like he hadn't in a while. It wasn't a look of worry, but one of pride.

"He right," Simmons admitted. "I fear if you hadn't started CPR on the ground before we arrived… things may have ended very differently." Donnie pulled away from me now, facing everyone with a downcast expression.

"I'm sorry," he told all of them. "We destroyed the machine, Seth and I, but we have to wait until what's built up passes. I didn't… I tried…"

"Most of this was Seth," I stepped in, protective arm going in front of him. "Donnie never wanted to turn the machine on. He wanted to turn himself in. It was Seth who shot Fitz and kidnapped me. But he also tried to help us turn it off once he realized what was happening. They both were willing to take responsibility for their part in this. They're both just kids who listened to the wrong person."

"Ian Quinn," Coulson nodded. "We know." He looked at Donnie for a long time before rising. "When we land you will give those details to Agent Weaver. We will then decide how to proceed." He started out of the room, but paused. "And then I will see you in my office Agent Crawford."

Hub here I come. "Of course, sir." With that, he vanished. I looked down at Seth, eyes drifting to the chest that was drifting up and down. "Let's get him to the couch." I rose and Donnie followed, but Skye held a hand up.

"You've exerted yourself enough for today."

"I'm good," was my only response as with Donnie and Fitz's assistance I helped carry Seth to the couch in our living area. Once we had put him down I turned to Donnie and patted him on the back. "Let's get something to eat. Skye, do you think- "

I was cut off by nearly being tackled to the ground by a hug. "We just get you back and then when Fitz told us what happened… you need to stop doing that." Skye was almost crying, though I felt from emotions more than this reunion.

I hugged her back. "I didn't mean too… honest. I just… ended up in a situation and did what I had to do."

"Please don't do it again."

"I will try. Promise," I vowed, meaning it. "But I've never exactly batted a thousand, so just… don't expect a miracle." She went to pull back, laughing, but I held her tight a moment longer. "We're going to talk later," I whispered so only she could hear it.

She nodded. "Okay."

With that, I pulled back. "Do you think Donnie and I could get something to eat. Maybe some pancakes… and some waffles… an egg or two wouldn't hurt I'm sure."

"Sure," Skye agreed, a little taken aback at the request. "I'll get right on that."

Simmons took a beat before giving me a quick hug as well. Her eyes landed on Fitz and she clapped her hands, seeming to have made a decision. "Sounds like she might need some help with that order. Come on, Donnie."

He turned to me. "But I don't- "

"You'll be fine," I promised him. "I'll be right behind you." He reluctantly followed Simmons to the kitchen, leaving myself alone with Fitz… and an unconscious Seth. "I'm glad you're alright," I started, shoes kicking at the carpet. "I almost blew the whole thing trying to get to you afterwards."

"Just gave me a bit of a headache," he shrugged. "How about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm… I'm not sure," I admitted, falling into one of the chairs. I pushed my windswept ponytail over my shoulder. "I told Donnie everything and I think it helped. I mean I had a full on mental breakdown when I told him… but it almost seemed easier after if it makes any sense."

"You told him everything?" He crossed his arms.

I nodded, trying not to smile at the clear jealousy he was demonstrating. I ran a hand through my hair absently. "Yeah. Probably because he reminds me so much of you. And a little bit of myself actually. Like if you and me had a kid." My face literally went red as soon as the words were out. "Not that… not that… I'm sorry. That was crazy. I must be exhausted and rambling like a crazy person. Long day full of emotional healing and all that. I'm probably a mess right now."

"Actually, I'd say quite the opposite," he disagreed, smiling at my clear discomfort. "As scared as I was, I was very glad when you disarmed Seth without breaking a sweat. Because… that was my best friend. And I missed her."

"I missed her too," I admitted. "I thought she was gone forever honestly. And that's why… I think that's why I was as messed up as I was. Why I was almost punishing myself and pushing everyone away. But today… even without the words on my wrist I saved someone. Two someone's- one of whom probably didn't deserve it. But I couldn't let myself not save him. Because that's who I am, who I'm always going to be. Words or no words."

The smile on his face was enough to floor me. He looked like he almost had tears in his eyes and I rose so we were almost eye level. "So it looks like we can add communicating secret meanings to our list of talents."

"I suppose so," he managed to shake himself out of whatever reverie he was in. "Though I didn't like it for a second I'll have you know."

"You secretly communicated that very well," I laughed. "I appreciate that you had faith in me though."

"Always." I opened my arms and he quickly moved in for the hug, myself nestling my face into the crook of his neck that fit me perfectly. And I dared myself to say the one thing I wanted to say.

"I… I just… we never had that Girl Talk we arranged before this whole mess." I willed him to understand like he had before.

"Yeah. I don't know about you… but I still feel the same way about it that I did before. Quite looking forward to it actually." I nearly pumped my fist. He did get it.

"I am too. I just think I need a little more time… to find the perfect movie." To put myself back together. To make sure I was okay.

"A perfect movie is important for a Girl Talk. So I'm willing to wait until you find. Wouldn't have it any other way actually."

I swear my heart skipped a beat. "Thank God you're a genius, Lee."

"I'm bloody glad you're Ashleigh Crawford, Ash." And with that, I finally pulled away. The two of started for the kitchen, my hand reaching back to squeeze his briefly before we entered. Skye was already hard at work and Donnie lit up at the sight of me as Simmons tried to converse next to him.

"You're back!" he exclaimed as I took a seat next to him. I punched him in the arm.

"I told you I'd only be a minute, buddy." I took my seat and smiled as Skye slid a full plate my way. "Thank you very much."

"Looks like someone imprinted on you like a baby duck," she whispered, glancing Donnie's way. He didn't start eating until I had taken my first enormous bite.

"He just had a scare and I was there to help thankfully," I shrugged.

After nearly inhaling a large meal, I took up watch on the chair next to Seth. The storm had started to clear and we'd be landing shortly back at the Academy. It seemed Ward wanted a few words with me as well when all this blew over according to Fitz.

I heard a groan and was instantly on my feet, Donnie doing the same from the other chair. Slowly, Seth opened his eyes and blinked a few times before locking onto my face hovering above him.

He groaned again, everything seeming to hit him. "Seth?" Donnie asked.

"Am I alive? Or did the blast take us all out and now I'm trapped with her forever."

"We're alive," Donnie smiled, moving closer. "Well, you almost died. The blast from the machine stopped your heart. But Ashleigh, she did CPR until her team could get us out of there. She saved your life." His eyes moved back to me, staring into mine for a long moment.

"I'm glad I uncuffed you," was all he offered.

I couldn't help but cross my arms and smile. "Damn right you are."

XXX

"I promise I will visit you both," I told Donnie and Seth as we stood at the top of the cargo ramp. The Bus had landed about an hour ago. Weaver had proceeded with me up to Coulson's office where I had given her and Fury over the phone the whole report of the incident. And then the three had come to their decision. Seth and Donnie would be taken to The Sandbox for at least a year to be monitored- both for health and mental reasons. I mean Seth's heart had stopped and there was the risk in it happening again. Plus, despite my beliefs they needed to make sure the boys truly meant their guilt and desire to learn from what had happened.

Then their paths would split. Seth was officially released from the program and would return home. No one had been hurt by the storm so he was really lucky that was the extent of it. It looked like I wouldn't have to kill him after all.

Donnie, upon review, might be allowed to reenter the program. Perhaps a year would give him some time to grow into a person that could handle the whole process a little better his second time around.

They both nodded at my words, bringing a smile to my face. I turned to Donnie, pulling him into a hug. "I am so proud of you. And who knows? You might make a friend or two among the research team. Just be yourself."

"Okay," he agreed. "And you'll write me if you have any nightmares or anything, right? Because you can tell me anything."

"I will," I vowed, meaning it completely. Donnie had somehow become a light in the darkness as much as Fitz, and I was done pushing light away. I would take every bit of it I could get.

I now turned to Seth, sighing. "Seth… you screwed up. For a genius you really are all kinds of idiot."

"I did," he admitted.

"But you're owning up to it. I still have every faith you can become a great man." And with that, I pulled him in for a hug despite my better instincts.

"I'm actually kind of glad I kidnapped you." I pulled away and watched the two head down the ramp with a wave. Fitz-Simmons came to stand at my side, having stepped back to let me send off the boys privately. They both approached the car door Weaver opened, face blank, and both turned back for one last wave before they climbed in. I found myself tearing up and quickly wiped them away.

"You're acting like a mom sending her children to primary school for the first time," Simmons commented, giggling a bit.

I snorted. "No. I'm just upset I forgot to slap them upside the head for dragging Fitz out here just to hurt him."

She patted me on the shoulder. "Sure. Now let's take a look at that wrist. That bandage looks atrocious."

I really wasn't in the mood for being poked and prodded right now, so I dodged out of her grasp. "Sorry. Coulson gave me orders to visit him first." And with that I practically bounded up the steps to the office of my leader, knocking on the open door before stepping in.

I twiddled my thumbs around one another as I took my seat. "So… I got caught up in a kidnapping… which wasn't my fault because I truly intended to go back to the office and just wait for this to be over. I swear." He just stared, waiting. "But then I roped Fitz into allowing me to be kidnapped so I could work the mission from this inside… intentionally getting involved. And I failed. The machine went off and caused a lot of damage so I'm told. But I also kept my two kids alive despite their attempts to the contrary which I think I should get some credit for." I paused, but still there was nothing. "Also I might have told Donnie everything about me in an attempt to sort out some feelings. Even the super classified stuff." I sighed, rising. "I should just go pack my bags to live with Hand shouldn't I?"

"I don't know," he said finally. I instantly sat back down, hands folded on my lap. "I usually expect you and Ward to be the paragon in following orders. But I think you and I have both been going about moving on from our experiences in the wrong way. I've been the same, and I don't feel I could rightfully punish you for something I have failed to lead you through by example. Today you did what you needed to do so as to teach me a thing or two… and that fresh air seems to have done you some good."

"It does seem to agree with me sir," I smiled, realizing I wasn't going to be stuck with Hand. "But I promise it won't happen again."

"I don't expect it to. I'm officially taking you off leave and your probation ended a while ago. You, Agent Ashleigh Crawford, are back to being a full-fledged fake member of S.H.I.E.L.D. Welcome back."

"It's good to be back sir," I beamed, soaking in the moment. "Almost like I never left."

He luckily laughed at that, shaking my hand as I rose once again. I started for the door, but paused. "And sir, one of the things I've learned today is that it helps to talk. I know it sounds cheesy, but it does. So I'm here… if you need to talk about it. Because I'm betting you didn't believe what Raina said was just lies either." He didn't say anything, but merely looked at me in a way that made it clear I was right. "You always know where to find me… unless I'm off getting kidnapped. I'll try not to go for a threepeat on that one though. Scout's honor."

With that, I exited the Bus and made my way for where I had managed to find out Skye had gone off to for some time alone. I found her in a large hall standing by a plaque of names with Ward at the edge of the room behind her. He spotted me first, but when I went to say something he just waved me off. I nodded, coming to stand beside Skye.

We stood there for a long moment before she pointed to a name- Agent L. Avery. "That's the woman who died saving me when I was a baby. Though she was just one of many that got tangled up in whatever mess I was. Because during the mission… I was an 0-84. And a lot of people died because of it. It's why I always had to be moved around from place to place. And here I always thought no one ever wanted me. Turns out a lot of people cared enough about me to give me up to keep me safe."

I processed that, taking a moment before I slipped my hand into hers, squeezing. "Well, you're home now. And we're going to keep you safe and with us… no matter what it takes."

"I'm never going to find my parents after all."

I didn't know what to say, so I offered the only thing I could think of. "If it's any consolation, mine don't exist yet. We're still two of a kind in a lot of ways Skye. And just like you're helping me find out what I am… I'm going to do the same. We're in this together."

She just stood there silently. "I think it was worth it. The pain of being moved around and never feeling like I had a family. It was worth it if it means I got to end up on this team. That I got all of you as my family."

"That feeling is very mutual." There was a pause and I added something I had yet to say aloud. "I accessed a memory today… purposefully." Skye turned to me, eyes wide. "I… Seth was… and so I went back and remembered how to do CPR. And for as long as I was doing it, it was there."

"Afterwards?"

"Poof. Like magic." I shook my head. "The two of us just keep getting weirder and weirder."

"You could say that again." She turned back to the mural for another long moment before squeezing my hand. "We should head back." And with that we both turned from the sign, making our way back towards Ward. He took a minute once we had approached to put an arm around me.

"You are lucky next mission if I let you out of my sight for a moment."

"I was in my rebellious teenage stage- trying to give my family the slip and all that. But don't worry, I'm on the straight and narrow now, big brother."

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head, thinking on all the questions I still had about myself and the stunt I had pulled with Seth earlier. "No. But that's okay I think."

He nodded. "I'll take it. Just let me know if you need anything."

"I will. And I mean it this time."

So the three of us walked back to the Bus and soon we were taking off. Coulson was determined to track Quinn down and finally remove him from the equation. It seemed all of us were itching for the same thing, prepared to in the morning begin our next unofficial assignment. I didn't know how I could help, but I planned to be right in the thick of things.

I changed into my pajamas, groaning at my aching shoulders from the handcuffs, and giving Cheesetauri a loving pat on the head and some cheese before climbing into my bunk. Skye had offered to spend the night with me, but I had politely refused. I did promise to come and find her or Lee though if I did have a nightmare, knowing I didn't have to hide them. They wanted to take care of me. It was okay to wake them.

But as I lay down I pulled out my tablet and plugged in a pair of earbuds Ward had actually lent to me at my request. He said he had a spare pair and was more than willing to donate them to me. I had Simmons do a thorough disinfecting first as payment for her poking and prodding session on my wrist. Which was healing despite reopening twice today. Soon I would just have a super ugly scar to show for those hours in the house. And that was fine by me.

I put the earbuds in my ears, sliding through the albums of Johnny Cash from Fitz, Aretha Franklin and Frank Sinatra from Coulson, and Taylor Swift from Skye until I landed on the album I had just purchased a few hours before. I lay back and let my eyes drift close as I was lulled by the music a good friend of mine had recommended.

 _I don't like walking through this old and empty house_

 _So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear_

 _The stairs creak as I sleep, It's keeping me awake_

 _It's the house telling you to close your eyes_

And with that, I drifted off into my first full night's sleep- darkness held back for at least one night longer.

Thank you Donnie Gill.

XXX

 _Well there it is. Sorry this one took so long. In the real world there were several big developments. I have been accepted to Indiana State University for a Physician Assistant Graduate Degree- my lifelong dream I kind of worried wouldn't happen this year. I start in January. I went to Disney World for Father's Day with my Father and Grandfather, who at 80 rode everything at the park including the Tower of Terror for the first time. My best friend had major surgery and I've tried to be there as much as possible while she recovers and just in general. I even started watching S.H.I.E.L.D. with her (we actually are at the episode before this at the moment) which means one day she may be reading this. In that case, hello Caitlyn! Glad you've come to love Fitz as much as I have (Fitz-Simmons is her favorite which just affirms that we are best friends). So thank you all for your patience and support. You guys are the best._

 _This chapter probably marks our biggest departure from the series proper. I kind of feel Donnie Gill gets wasted in his one off in Season Two, so expect himself and Seth to reenter next season in a much bigger fashion. Just a little nugget for the future. I've got some big plans. Just like next time around which presents me a challenge in telling the story granted how the episode unfolds. I'm looking forward to it though as we begin our final push towards the huge events of Winter Soldier._

 _Thank you of course to those who are alerting this story. I hope this update catches you off guard and makes you day brighter. Thank you BecauseMarvelJustRocks, HopeandSerenity, literary deviant, ReiKimura, GaaraSpongbob54915, mscalliope, Bookworm 1227, LizzyMT16, Special Agent Author, katty6900, wildcrazything, GeekFreak132, BlackDove WhiteDove, ICan'tThinkOfACleverUsername, margarawr, and ABC01._

 _Thank you to those who count this story as a favorite. The number never manages to not floor me with how much love you give with this honor. So thank you OfficialLostGirl, Nymphadora Jackson, ReiKimura, mscalliope, LizzyMT16, wildcrazything, idvanaya, Amberdeengirl17, BlackDove WhiteDove, and OnePieceofthem._

 _And of course we come to the reviewers. Your reactions last chapter just tickled me pink. I hope this one if everything you were hoping for. Thank you Amberdeengirl17 as you work your way through the back catalogue to the present, BlackDove WhiteDove, VioletKane, NessieBooEvans for keeping me on track, YoullBeAvenged who I read every time with Colby Smoulders in my head, Lara Barnes, GiraffePanda2, MulishaMaiden, stormrunner74, Riley Vaughn, XxRikela-chanxX, Leopard Feather, and Tabloid Teen._

 _We have reached our first anniversary with 215 reviews, 187 favorites, and 253 alerts. Those numbers are insane to someone who just started this with a crazy idea she just decided to put to laptop. Thank all of you again for taking this journey with me. I have loved every moment of this year and look forward to being on Season Two on the next one. Fingers crossed._


	26. Crazy Train

_Crazy Train_

I hadn't come to the decision easily. When it had flitted into my brain, at first I had rallied against it with everything I had. But then I would watch Skye in her room, typing so furiously and rapidly I swore her fingers were going to fall off any minute now. And the rest of the team was preparing in their own ways as well- Fitz-Simmons was hard at work in the lab, May and Ward were having more training sessions to push and improve one another, and Coulson was keeping everyone on task and focused.

The mission was to find Ian Quinn and take him down once and for all. Because a very interesting wrinkle had come up when Coulson used Seth's phone he confiscated to contact the man. We had found the financier of Centipede's plan it seemed. Because Ian Quinn had let it drop that he was in connection with The Clairvoyant, making him even more connected to this whole mess than we expected. Which made finding him the absolute highest priority in every respect.

There was absolutely nothing for me to do though. I was of no use in the lab outside holding the odd object, I still had my training sessions with May but I was nowhere on the levels she and Ward were, and often I felt I was distracting Skye by being around more than helping. I didn't have a role to play and it was killing me because I finally felt I was getting back to a position where I could be of some use.

I mean I wasn't whole and healed yet, not by a long shot. But I was starting to eat about two consistent meals a day and sleeping through larger portions of the night. I was starting to slowly put some weight back on and the bags had disappeared from under my eyes. My wrist was now just a lump of twisted and gnarled scar tissue that I still kept covered as often as I could, but Simmons had cleared that I was past getting an infection. I was communicating and spending more time with the team, trying to be more free with voicing my feelings and opinions. Sometimes I still did seem like I was burdening them more than I desired, but they all took it and did their best to help me.

Oh, and the mirror had been fixed.

There were still nightmares I couldn't remember or recall other than feelings that remained after I had sprung awake. But I had adapted in that respect as well. Now rather than hide it from the team I would rise from my bed, putting Cheesetauri in his little ball to accompany me, and make my way over to Fitz's bunk. Once I had awoken him, a feat that usually took a bit of effort, the two of us would go sit in the living area. From there we would talk or just sit in a comfortable silence, sometimes put something on the television. Eventually, I would drift off on his shoulder though… and be in the exact same spot when I woke up the next morning.

But despite that and doing everything is his power to appear as though we were perfectly okay, I could tell part of him was upset. I just knew it by the occasional look on his face or the small tensing in his shoulders when I would come over. He didn't want me to know though- clearly worried about turning me into a complete and utter train wreck if he voiced his opinion. And I knew exactly what it was. He was still upset I had confided in Donnie rather than himself. While the rest of the team had merely shrugged it off as my way of coping and who were they to judge, Fitz had taken it a bit personally.

I understood why. I really did. We told each other everything at this point, and I was a little bit at a loss with how to explain why telling Donnie had seemed like the right thing I needed to do. Why I had turned to complete stranger rather than my best friend. The only thing that seemed to come to mind was fate and familiarity, but that made absolutely no sense. I also felt like the honesty of not knowing what my sleep deprived, stressed brain was doing would help my case either. So I didn't know quite how to address it, not yet at least. I was determined to take care of it as soon as possible, knowing he must feel a pang of guilt on his part every time he felt that way. Which wasn't fair when his feelings were completely legitimate. So thinking of the words to say were what I spent most of my time doing actually.

The other time was spent desperately trying to find a way to contribute to the situation we were in now. There had to be a part I could play, something I could do to help my team navigate the chessboard Centipede was currently dueling us on.

The answer had seemed obvious when it came to me, but terrifying all the same. It was an answer I thing I was still scared of receiving, even after all this time and craziness. But then I thought about how I needed to protect my team against this group in any way I could just as the others were doing. And that meant facing my fears and owning up to everything.

So I had entered the lab where Fitz-Simmons was working, focusing my attention on Simmons first for once. I made my way over to her station, causing her to look up a bit nervously once I was leaning on the counter across from her. "We need to find out if the device with the random blood samples inside me is real."

She blinked a few times, mind clearly reeling at the suddenness of my words. "I'm sorry. I must have misheard you. Because I could have sworn you were suggesting- "

"That you cut me open right here and now?" I guessed. I crossed my arms, gathering my nerve. "I was."

Fitz obviously felt the need to insert himself into the conversation now, practically jogging his way to the other side of the lab. "Ash, I couldn't help but overhear, and well… I'm just thinking you didn't understand what you were saying."

I sighed, moving the long metal table in the center of the lab. "I did." There were all sorts of materials sitting on it, so I started to remove them until most were bundled in my arms.

"Listen, you had nightmare last night. You're probably just not thinking straight." I turned and just as I expected he was right beside. I pushed all the objects into his arms, smirking as he buckled a moment under the weight of them.

"I do," I disagreed again, removing the last few items and giving them to him as well. I then proceeded to hop onto the table, laying on my back so I was staring at the harsh lights of the ceiling. My hair fanned out around me, the only buffer I had against the hard steel my head was currently resting on. Neither of them moved, and with a sigh I swung so I was sitting up to face them once again. "Listen, everyone is currently busting their butts around here trying to find Quinn and fight Centipede. And I thought there was nothing I could do. But then I remembered they know an answer we don't- and that is what exactly the hell is going on with my blood and DNA and parent situation. They have something we don't and we can't afford that. So we need to even the playing field." I laid back down, crossing my hands over my stomach. "I need to do what I can to help. This is how I help." I turned my head, so I was looking at Fitz- albeit sideways. "I still protect my team, no matter what."

We locked eyes for a long moment and I saw that rise in his shoulders. But he quickly buried it, turning to Simmons. "She's not going to change her mind."

"You're not being serious, Fitz. The preparations alone will take a few hours."

He gestured to me. "You know she's not moving until we do this. And we're not getting any work done without that space."

There was a pause before she spoke again. "Ashleigh, are you sure about this? With the nightmares, I don't think I can recommend sedating you. The adverse reaction you have might be too great and a major step backwards in your recovery."

"Simmons, you're not going to change my mind," I said as gently as I could. "We both know what needs to be done. I know we do. You've schooled me on some of the big ramifications in my being here. I think it's time we face one of them head on and figure out what exactly might be going on here. Where I'm from. Who sent me. For science's sake."

That was that. Both she and Fitz left me there as they cleared things with Coulson, who was not happy but seemed to accept my decision, and got everything together and ready. I just laid there even after my neck got sore, fearing that if I moved I might lose my courage and change my mind. Just laying on this table was breaking back some less than fond feelings.

As they were finishing up, bantering away to one another, Ward appeared above me with crossed arms. "I never took you as a masochist, Crawford."

I shrugged. "I'm just committed is all."

"If it's worth anything, I don't think you should do this. It's too high risk for results which we don't know will be beneficial or not."

"Noted, Agent Ward. I, or course, greatly value your opinion. But I'm doing this."

He took a moment before speaking again. "Are you okay?"

I stared back up at the lights on the ceiling. "Yeah. Feeling like I have a purpose right now. And that actually feels pretty good." After that, he just hung back observing the situation with narrowed eyes. He obviously didn't like this in the slightest, but at least he knew better than to be vocal about it.

Fitz made his way over to me as Simmons made sure all the tools were sterilized to her like for about the third time. They both were in their grey lab coats now, goggles with lights affixed to their faces. Oh boy, they were actually doing this. "Now, the plan is we'll inject you with a trace amount of the dendrotoxin. It should be enough to knock you unconscious and keep you from feeling… well, the fact that we're cutting you open and probing around your insides. It'll be a very small cut though- we've got a probe that we think will work just fine. You'll wake up in a few hours back in your bed with a slightly sore abdomen for a few days. This means taking it easy and no training with May until Simmons clears you."

"And answers. Hopefully we'll have some answers." I took a deep, steadying breath. I felt the need to add something else. "I admit this is kind of reminding me of when I went into that machine and got my brain messed with, so I'm kind of ready to be knocked out. But then I'm worried about what I'm going to see." I took another long breath. "But mostly I'm worried that I'm going to wake up just as messed up as last time I was like this."

"You won't," he promised adamantly. "Because you're safe. And when you wake up you will still be safe- no matter what you dream between. You're here with us, uh, on the Bus. Your home."

"You're right," I agreed. "It's going to be just fine." At that moment, Simmons approached with a needle in her hand, trying to smile in as calming a matter as she could. The sight of it still sent my heart racing and dropped my throat into my stomach. "It's going to be just fine," I whispered to myself.

"So, we're going to get started," Simmons informed me. "Once we inject this, you should become unconscious almost instantaneously. I will then make a cut about an inch in length to insert the probe to navigate and see if we can find the device in question. You will wake up with some soreness, but it should be a quick recovery." She put a hand on my shoulder. "Ready?"

"We should wait for Skye," Ward voiced suddenly from his corner of the lab. "No offense Crawford, but you're white as a sheet. Skye will be able to calm her down."

I shook my head. "Skye's busy doing what she needs to do. We don't need to interrupt her. I just need to suck it up and do what I need to do." I turned to Simmons with my brows knitted together. "I'm ready."

But as she stepped towards me with the needle, my hand reached out almost of its own accord. It collided solidly with Fitz's, maneuvering as needed to that our fingers were interlaced tightly together. I squeezed as hard as I could, but he showed no signs of moving in the slightest. His hand was like a source of warmth and positive energy I desperately needed, lending me his strength so I could go through this. I turned towards him, our eyes locking.

"Don't let go."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

And I just kept my eyes there as I felt the cold of the antiseptic on my neck, followed by a small pinch in the same region. And then everything went black.

XXX

 _Snow. There was snow on the ground all around me and I was overlooking grand mountains in nearly every direction. It was breathtaking, but that wasn't my focus right now. No, I was focused on the man who sat before me. I felt overwhelming pity and sadness, anger drained right out of me. Burning anger just fizzling out at what I had witnessed here today. But he wasn't looking at me. His focus wasn't on me at all. He was clearly somewhere else, thinking of someone else._

 _So that's why when he rose the gun I was ready._

XXX

My body felt heavy as I returned to it, like it was loaded with lead and impossible to move- eyelids included. So I sat there for a few minutes for the weights to lift a bit before I opened them with a bit of force on my part. A groan escaped me as I stared at the ceiling of my bunk, feeling coming back to me in waves. The obvious one was a slight burning on the left side of my stomach. The one that took me a minute was a pressure on my left hand.

I turned my head, smile creeping on my face as I saw Fitz perched next to me, hand still laced in mine. His other propped his chin up, eyes closed as he leaned against my mattress. He looked peaceful and somehow comfortable, despite the fact his elbow must be killing him at this point. "Hey," I whispered, smile growing as he seemed to get his senses about him- eyes opening and blinking a few times.

"Hey," he greeted me as well. He showed no sign of letting go of my hand, not that I minded or wanted him to. "Glad you're up."

"How long was I out?" I tried to pull myself up the bed so I was in more of a sitting position, only succeeding once Fitz rose to provide me some assistance in the manner. I rested my head against the headboard, exhausted just from that.

"Only three hours or so," he reported. "Everything went smoothly and Simmons finished pretty much within an hour. Nightmares?"

"Not really. Nothing traumatizing at least. It involved snow I think." I had been working harder to hold fragments of my nightmares. Memories were flooding through me and I had yet to make another entry into the Memory Book Fitz had made me. There was never enough to paint a picture. The most I seemed to be able to keep hold on was the smallest detail. Like snow. What the hell was I supposed to get out of snow? Nothing, that's what.

Fitz thought for a moment before speaking. "There was one with snow last week. Any chance it was that one again? That you got more details?"

I reflected on what I could remember before shaking my head. I don't know how to explain it, but they didn't match at all. Not the emotions. Not the general feeling. Not whatever I was thinking. Not even the way I was thinking. They had to be two different beasts. "They weren't the same."

"So you've been in snow twice," he mused, trying to make it seem like this was a huge discovery. And it was enough to make me smirk and let out a chuckle. I glanced down to where his hand was still firmly laced in mine. He didn't seem to notice or care, keeping his eyes pretty strictly on myself. But as my glance he glanced down as well, thumb running over my hand and literally sending electricity shooting up my spine. "You told me not to let go. Simmons wasn't happy about it- my standing there, said I kept getting in the way when she was trying to work. That you'd have no clue whether I let go or not. But, and I know it's unfounded, but… for some, uh, reason I thought if I did it… that you'd know you were safe."

And there went my heart skipping again. It had been happening with a much greater frequency these days.

Because I think I was ready to move forward. I had been scared if I would know when I felt ready- worried that if I dove into this when I wasn't it would be horribly taking advantage. I would just end up hurting us both. But now I felt it. It was time. I had a true grip on everything that had happened and was finally truly ready to look forward rather than back, especially with this hand wrapped around mine. I actually kind of felt invincible right now.

I just had to make it clear to him now so he knew too. Because though he was my genius, he was also chivalrous to a fault.

But first there was something I had to do.

"I'm sorry," I started, lifting my head to look back up at him. I squeezed his hand. "I know… I know you're upset about Donnie- that I went to him with everything instead of you. That I told him everything I was feeling moments after meeting him when you had been patiently waiting in the wings the whole time. And I wish I could explain why I did, but I don't know how to other than it was the right place and the right time. It's pathetic, but it's all I have."

"Ash, we don't have to- "

"I see it; you know?" The guilt flickered past his face, quickly buried. "And I bet you hate yourself every time it happens- you think you're doing me some disservice. That you have no right to be upset because you didn't go through what I did. Well, you do. You have every right. You should be upset with me. I let you down. I didn't trust you with what I was really thinking. I checked out of our friendship. You could've helped me, but I didn't let you. And I'm sorry for that. And I hope you can forgive me. Because I am never going to let it happen again. You shut me out and I shut you out. It sucks. So let's never do it again. There is no one I trust more than you, Lee. And I hope going forward you will see that."

There is was- complete word vomit but at least everything was out on the table. I had finally put my thoughts into words. Now I just had to hope he let me put them into action.

He answered pretty instantly. I had thought it would take him a while, but he seemed to have an easier time finding words than I did. "Of course I forgive you, Ash. It's not even a question, really."

Despite the pain it caused me, I launched forward to wrap him in a large hug- finally releasing his hand from mine to do so. I gritted my teeth but fought through it, especially when he gently returned it. "I would be completely lost without you, Lee."

"Same for you, Ash." And then I pulled away slowly, just enough to relieve the pressure on my stomach. Our foreheads were practically touching though and I felt his warm breath hit my cheek with each exhale. All it would take was one of us leaning in. That's all.

"Ashleigh Crawford, what the hell did you do?!" We sprung apart just in time to look innocent enough for Skye's whirlwind arrival into my bunk, causing me to hit my head on the headboard in my haste. I must have looked like I was in pain, but she must have just written that off as the fact I had been cut open. "I get off my computer to go make a snack in the kitchen, and Ward of all people tells me you've spent today on the table being poked and prodded. And you didn't come and get me?!"

"You were busy with the Ian Quinn stuff," I tried to explain, both Fitz and I knowing this wasn't going to help our case at all. "I didn't want to bother you."

"No. You should have." She flopped on the end of my bed and sighed. "Don't give me that look. That look only works on Fitz and Ward."

"I wasn't giving you any look." I totally was giving her a look. She quirked an eyebrow at me, but eventually seemed to give up and fall back on the bed with her arms spread so there was barely any room for me even.

"For future reference, if it involves getting cut open on a lab table… bother me. Don't even hesitate."

"I have no plans to do this again. It was the very definition of a one-time thing."

"This is you we're talking about, Ashleigh Crawford. Nothing really seems to go your way ever." She had a point. "So what's the verdict?"

"Only one way to find out." I slid my way to the end of the bed, gently nudging Skye off it. I draped my feet over the side and held my stomach as I readied for actually getting to my feet. I huffed when I noticed the both of them were staring at me in concern. "I'm fine. I've got this." I pushed myself up, only to nearly fall over when my feet gave out under me.

Skye luckily grabbed one arm to keep my face from colliding with the carpet, and she was assisted a moment later by Fitz pulling me back up by my other one. We stood there for a moment, blonde hair having practically hidden my face. "Might have rushed that a bit," I admitted, trying to blow the strands from my face. Skye took pity on my efforts and assisted moving the hair out of view. "Appreciated."

They knew there was no point in trying to get me to sit down again, so they didn't even try. Instead, Skye allowed me to shift so I was leaning most of my weight against Fitz, the two of us making our way slowly but surely to the lab as she followed close behind. I was nearly supporting myself as we walked through the back's sliding doors, coming upon everyone else on the Bus gathered around. Their eyes all went to me, and I almost sighed at the matching worried expressions. I was still getting far too many of those these days.

"A party and I wasn't invited?" I said with my usual humor, smirking. The tension in the room instantly dissipated as I expected. I just had to keep being myself. In time that would be enough to ease everyone. "Tell me someone at least brought chips and dip?"

"I was about to discuss the results before coming to check on you," Simmons informed me as Fitz helped me onto one of the stools. I let out a small groan and grabbed my stomach. A moment later May had an ice bag extended towards me. "You should still be in bed." Her gaze went to Fitz and Skye who threw he hands in the air.

"You try stopping her from doing something she feels like she needs to do," she defended herself. "And I'm just saying, you must know the feeling since you cut her open today. Just saying."

"That's enough," May cut in before any arguing could start. We might have been stuck on the Bus together for a touch too long. "What did we find?"

Simmons took a deep breath, looking at Fitz before she began. "Quite frankly, nothing." She took a moment to let this sink in before plunging forward. "There's no device to be found. Nothing that is artificially manipulating your blood."

Everyone fell silent at this, glancing at me out of the corners of their eyes. Everyone was clearly very concerned on how I was going to be taking all of this. But there wasn't cause to start throwing equipment off the tables yet in my mind at least. Especially when I needed to stay focused on the purpose of all this. In fact, I was actually kind of ecstatic right now. "So that means the Clairvoyant has nothing, right?" I voiced, sounding relieved but tired. "He has no technology… or knowledge that he can exploit from the future? That's what you're saying right? That… that I didn't give them anything they can use to hurt us."

And somehow it was like the room got even quieter. I hadn't thought that was possible. Everyone was openly staring at me now, myriad of faces and emotions reflected directly at me. I just blinked at them a few times, almost tempted to joke around by looking behind me to see if Ian Quinn had just wandered aboard The Bus to turn himself in. Instead I settled for raising my shoulders up a bit defensively under their scrutiny. "What?"

Simmons cleared her throat. "Well, I can't say I exactly thought of it in that capacity, but I suppose you are correct in that line of thought. None of the data I gathered would have any useful applications for The Clairvoyant in whatever he is planning. You, to put it simply, were a dead end."

I couldn't stop the smile. "Excellent. I mean, I wish we could have learned something about me, but if we sacrifice that for everyone to be safe… I consider that more than a fair trade."

Skye smiled brightly. "God, it's so good to have you back."

I faked being puzzled. "I've been here the whole time though."

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"But we may have learned something about you," Simmons earned all our attention again. "On the surface these results seemed to be a dead end, but there was still the question of your blood typing and genetic matches to possible parents. I mean, Fury was able to pull genetic matches in the here and now when you aren't born for at least ninety years."

"Yes. My creepy combination of a criminal and a child that went missing which has horrible implications that I don't like to think about."

"But she's right," Coulson cut in. "Crawford, you parents would then have been at least ninety when you were born. And though we're in a bit of a tech renaissance right now I somehow doubt that's possible in such a short time."

"Not to mention they're both apparently boys," Skye reminded us.

"Exactly!" Simmons went to her computer and started typing. "So I decided to try something. I ran individual cells for their individual genetic material, a process so technical I honestly doubt anyone but myself and maybe one or two others is capable of it."

"Very humble, Jemma," Fitz ribbed her. She huffed at him.

"You know very well what I'm trying to say. The Clairvoyant couldn't possibly have gone to the depth and lengths that I did, meaning these results I compiled would put us one step ahead of him."

"About time," Ward chimed in. "So, what did we find?"

"Well, normally there are two sets of genetic markers found within a person- one from the father and one from the mother. Two cells that then divide repeatedly to make up a person. By my counts, Ashleigh has… at the very least twenty sets of genetic markers." Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. That sounded like a big anomaly.

"Twenty?" Fitz nearly choked on air. "That's bloody impossible. No one… that's saying she has twenty parents. That's crazy."

"Umm… do we need to remind you she's from the future?" Skye gave him a look. "Impossible is just a word with her."

"You suspect technology in the future that makes this possible?" May finally spoke up, having been mainly in observation mode for this presentation.

"It's the only explanation," Simmons offered, adamant. "And it explains the DNA results. They kept testing different cells and getting different answers to her parentage."

I felt an urge to speak because my head was starting to hurt. "There's still one thing though. So, we're assuming the technology exists that twenty cells can make up a person instead of the old-fashioned way. But to do that… I mean there's no natural way, right? Twenty people did not just come together and… make me."

"Someone had to build that framework artificially," Coulson finished my thoughts. Now I had to take a deep breath. Fitz instantly had a hand laced through mine, squeezing my shaking one in a form of support. I almost felt dizzy, but maybe it was my exhaustion catching up to me.

"Crawford was built," Ward voiced, making me cringe.

"Someone created her like that with a purpose in mind and then sent her back in time," Skye followed the train of thought, clearly more excited than I was. "But she doesn't know why because she doesn't have her memories. Do we know who the twenty people are? Maybe she's supposed to find someone like her tattoo says… said."

"My examination of the database I have access to yielded no results," Simmons informed us. "So basically we know that they are not anyone currently associated with S.H.I.E.L.D. in any capacity."

"Then how did Fury get results?" Skye questioned.

"The Director quite frankly has access to much larger search parameters than I do. I don't imagine he would be so inclined to share though."

"This is unbelievable," May sighed. She was telling me. "Someone made- "

"Stop!" I shouted, having enough and rising to my shaky feet. Fitz and Skye were both instantly at my side. "Stop with the created and the made and the built! I'm a person!" I pointed to myself. "I understand the results. I get what they mean. But I am a human being. I have cried. I have bled. I have been trapped in this crazy world with no memories and somehow am getting by. I'm Ashleigh Crawford. Not an object." With that, I felt my knees give out from under me and it was only with Fitz's assistance that I made it back to the chair. I was almost crying, desperate to get a purchase on what we had just learned. "I'm me."

"Of course you are," he voiced for everyone, completely sympathetic and sincere. "I know that. We all know that. It's alright, Ashleigh. It's going to be alright." And somehow it was enough to bring me peace if even for a moment. He turned to the group, taking on a bit of authority. "I think that's enough for today. She could use some more rest."

Jemma seemed hesitant. "Fitz- "

"It can wait," he repeated. "She's beat and the last thing we need is for her to go backwards now. Plus, she needs some time to digest all of this. It's a lot." He turned to Coulson, who merely gave a nod after looking at me. Fitz then went to help me up, but Ward quickly stepped in and got to my feet. Honestly, he was a much stronger form of support as we made our way back to my bunk.

I still would have preferred Fitz though.

Ward gently deposited me back on my bed, Skye tucking me in quite efficiently. "You've done this before?"

"When I was one of the older kids at the orphanage. Nuns don't quite know how to tuck the covers in properly." She patted the blanket where my hand rested. "Get some sleep."

"I don't know how I can after all that."

"Fitz is right. You're still you, just like I am. We're going to get to the bottom of this together. I promise. Do you want me to stay here?"

I shook my head. "Go get Quinn." She nodded with a smile, leaving me with my thoughts. Thoughts about how I had a purpose. A purpose that people had specifically hoped for me, planned for me. Maybe even trained me for. A purpose I couldn't even begin to remember. Maybe this explained all the exotic locations in my memories- the snowy mountains and sprawling cities. Maybe this explained how I knew Thor and had fought beside him. Maybe it even explained why my memories were gone- maybe someone had wanted to keep me from achieving this goal by taking it all away.

Well, they hadn't. I was going to get to the bottom of this like Skye had said. Find out why I had been sent here. And whoever had done this me, well, I was going to kick their ass for even thinking they could stop me.

Fitz peeked in while I was drifting off, the thoughts becoming more disjointed and hazy as my eyes got heavier and heavier. "You should be asleep."

I yawned, letting my eyes close and how tired I still was take over. "I was just thinking how many Christmas presents I'll get with twenty parents is all."

His laugh was the last thing I heard before I dozed off, not a single nightmare to be had.

XXX

I woke I don't know how much later to Ward not so gently shaking me. The moment I saw it was him I turned back on my stomach, burying my head under the pillow and groaning. "Ten more minutes."

"Only if you want to miss the mission briefing." That instantly caught my attention and I sprung up. Ward couldn't help but smirk as my gaze met his. "Skye's got something."

And just like that I was out of bed, frowning at the fact I was still in my clothes from yesterday. But we could worry about that later, maybe take a shower before we landed. Ward had already left by the time I ushered Cheesetauri into his ball and secured him to my belt. Then I was out the door to where everyone was already gathered around the holocom, giving a small wave to Fitz that he reciprocated instantly. On the table was an obnoxious picture of Quinn from the cover of a magazine, looking every bit the entitled jackass we knew he was. The jackass that nearly killed Seth and Donnie.

"We found him?' I inquired, crossing my arms and getting serious. Time to put this personal stuff behind me for the moment. Ian Quinn had a lot to answer for and we needed to make sure he did.

"No, but we think we know how we can," Coulson began his briefing. "Skye tracked down an invoice from one of his shell companies. He made a big purchase recently."

"Big for him or big from us?" I inquired. "Speaking of which, am I getting paid? We've never really covered the salary of a fake- focus," I righted myself on seeing May's raised eyebrow. "Focus. How much?"

"Ten million big," Skye informed us before leaning in towards me. "So both the first and second one."

"Thanks."

"Any idea what it is?" Simmons tried to get us back on track after a glance in our direction.

"No clue, but it was designed and built by Cybertek, Inc.- a small firm that deals in advanced technology and research," Skye resumed, pulling up the logo on the table. It didn't look evil at first sight.

"Which is where it gets interesting," Coulson continued. "They've hired a private-security outfit to transport the purchase… former military, ex-mercs."

Ward voiced everyone's thoughts. "Lot of muscle to move one package."

Coulson clearly agreed. "And they know S.H.I.E.L.D.'s got eyes on Quinn."

"Which is why they're transporting it old school," Skye told us, clearly getting into the mission part of things. We all geared up, taking everything in.

Coulson took the next part. "On a train, through the Italian countryside, from Verona to Zagreb… very rural, very isolated."

"So you think Quinn's on the train?" May questioned. Yeah, it seemed a bit too easy to me too honestly.

Coulson shook his head. "No, but I believe they're delivering the item to Quinn himself. We got our intel from Italian authorities who have been monitoring the situation."

"And they don't mind us taking over the op?" May seemed a bit surprised.

Coulson just gave her a look. "I asked very nicely." I couldn't help but snort at that. Sure he did. He'd just been as intense about this as Skye had. Something told me conversational hadn't been in his tone. "If everything goes as planned, Cybertek's security team won't even know we were on the train."

"So we're going in undercover?" Ward asked. Coulson merely nodded and Skye and I glanced at each other with huge smiles on our faces. Finally some real spy stuff. I slid my hand in her direction and she silently slapped it with hers in a high five.

May sighed. "I hate undercover." Well, that makes one of us. I was already starting to plan my secret identity. If there was one thing I could do, it was talk.

Coulson launched into assignments. "May and Ward, you're front and center. Once we locate the package, you'll tag it with a tracker. Skye and Fitz, you'll be running communications. Crawford will be accompanying you."

"To babysit naturally," I supplied.

"Listen, you don't have to assume that every time you're paired with us it's to keep us from screwing up and going off the rails," Skye laid into me a bit defensively. "I'm sure there's more to your part here. Tell her, AC!" He didn't immediately say anything and she instantly knew how to take it. "Come on!"

"In his defense, there really isn't much else for me to do," I supplied. "Unless you need someone kidnapped. I've proved properly good at that one."

"Not funny," Ward gave me a look. Okay, so it was too soon for those kinds of jokes. Point taken. I put my hands up in surrender which he merely rolled his eyes at.

"And what about the two of us, sir?" Simmons inquired.

"We'll tag along- keep an eye on things and help out in any way we can. If something seems to be going opposite how we want it to, we're the first ones to spot it and alert everyone. Our target specifically is Carlo Mancini, head of security." Simmons nodded, clearly already formulating an identity for this mission in her head. I think she was just as thrilled about the idea of undercover as Skye and I were. "We head out in two hours exactly. Everyone get ready… and get their stories straight."

"Time to raid the closet!" I declared to Skye, pulling her along with me towards the back hallway of the Bus. There was a room back there used for miscellaneous storage, including a selection of outfits and accessories that could be used on the fly for moments such as these. There wasn't too much- only two boxes worth- but there should be enough selections to inspire a fun backstory or get wrapped up in a character. I might be pretty good, considering I had faked Agent Ashleigh Crawford for some times without raising suspicion. And this time it wouldn't involve lying to those closest to me which seemed like a major plus.

"So what are we thinking?" I inquired as we started sorting through the box with more casual garb, the second being full of evening dresses that didn't exactly go with the occasion. I plucked a red bandana out and let down my ponytail to wrap it around the top of my head. "Backpackers maybe? We could stuff the gear you need in backpacks then? Plus Cheesetauri of course."

"I think that could work," she nodded, holding up a flannel shirt before casting it aside. I snatched it up- it looked rugged enough that it could maybe suit me. "I was thinking that three seems a little off though. Maybe we should split off and then meet in the back."

"Are you saying three friend can't go backpacking?"

"No. They could." She had that shine in her eyes though. She had something up her sleeve and I probably wasn't going to like it. I could already tell. "But even more plausible is someone traveling by themselves and then two people pretending to be a couple on a romantic tour through Italy." She pulled out a pair of shorts and tossed them to me. "Just saying."

"You're impossible," I rolled my eyes.

"And you need to get moving," she chided. "Because you know he isn't going to make a move first. Now when he's worried about your mental status still… especially now with all this twenty-parent's thing. He needs to make sure you want it and that he's not just cruelly taking advantage."

"Then I'll make a move when it seems right," I countered. "Because just throwing myself at him might give off that same impression."

Skye grabbed a few things and rose to her feet. "I'm pretty sure he's game whenever you are. Because if he keeps looking at you the way he does, then soon the Bus is going to spontaneously combust and we'll all die. Or your eyebrow fluttering might create the turbulence to take us down first."

"Very funny," I fake laughed. I rounded up the clothes I had selected and slid the box back where we had found it. "How are you holding up though, Skye?"

"The hunt for Quinn's been keeping my mind occupied," she admitted, playing with the fabric in her hands. "So I haven't thought about it too much. I imagine the same's true for you."

I nodded, getting to my feet as well. "Let's go catch that pompous jackass."

"Couldn't agree more. I'll be exactly five minutes behind you once you get to the luggage car where we can set up shop. Stagger things so we're not conspicuous." I saluted her and we went our separate ways for the moment.

I took a quick shower to freshen up, shaking off any leftover sleep that could remain, I needed to be on top of things if we were doing under the radar, especially since I was the first line to have Skye and Fitz's' backs if this all went to hell. Which given our luck it was most likely going to?

I wrapped a thick bracelet around my wrist to hide the scar, threw my hair up in the bandanna, and put on the khaki shorts with the flannel shirt I had rounded up. I nodded to myself in the mirror- I looked like I could be an avid outdoorsman in this get-up. I totally understood trees and the beauty of nature and all that crap.

I stepped out and went to my bunk to grab Cheesetauri when May approached me. "He wants you in his office."

I didn't hesitate in making my way up the stairs, wondering what could possibly be going on. I couldn't think of any reason I'd be in trouble right now. Unless he didn't think I was ready and wanted me to stay here for another mission. Or he had something else top secret for me to do on this one- one that was between us.

Most likely he was just going to lecture me on now getting kidnapped again though.

I knocked on the door before entering, coming to a stop when I noticed what he had perched on his desk. He stood on the other side with his arms crossed, clearly waiting for my reaction. It brought an instant smile to my face. "Oh, sir. You didn't have to."

"A promise is a promise," he reminded me as I made my way to where a brand-new pair of sneakers stood, looking like the perfect fit. They were a bright blue color that certainly stood out from the footwear the rest of the team sported. "I browsed several online sites and those just felt right."

I winked at him. "I guess you could say they're the perfect fit." Then without hesitation, I threw myself onto the carpet to slip them on. Once I did, I ran around the desk to throw my arms around him for a hug. "Thank you so much."

"Of course," he patted my back, chuckling a bit. "I know I can count on you to keep a good eye on them. Especially Skye. This has become almost… personal to her and it worries me a bit. But I know you'll be able to handle her. You're one of the best people I have."

"I promise." I pulled back, giving a little salute and realizing the significance behind the word he had used. One of the best people he knew. He always knew how to turn my mood around when I needed it most. "See you down there, boss." I practically bounced down the stairs, each one bringing a smile to my face as I glanced down at my new shoes.

I met up with everyone about an hour later, enormous heavy backpack stuffed with equipment on my shoulders. Since Skye was alone she was traveling lighter with my bag, Cheesetauri squeaking happily from his ball on the side. We took a few of the cars a few blocks from where the train was boarding, keeping mostly silent except for the odd comment about how beautiful the countryside looked. Simmons in particular seemed to be going through something in her head over and over to her satisfaction. Fitz seemed pretty calm though, giving me the warm smile that made my insides melt just a bit when I glanced his way. Skye was stuck between the two of us and rolled her eyes when she caught me staring a bit, but I just shot her a glare back.

Something was building between the two of us though. I could feel it- like a string that connected the two of us pulling us closer and closer together. And it felt completely natural, like it was what was meant to happen. It was what I wanted to happen. I just had to wait for the right moment, trust it, and go with it. Let the chips fall where they may/ I was ready to move forward. Because even I was starting to notice the eyelash fluttering at this point, which meant the problem had obviously grown completely out of hand.

We walked to the train in a staggered formation where it was parked at a station mostly surrounded by farmland on either side. It was at this point I realized that I had never actually seen a train that I could remember and I had to pause a second to stare at the glittering metal in awe. It also sent a lot of feelings through me: adrenaline, exhilaration, shock, and even a tinge of grief. I couldn't make sense of them or associate them with memories though. They just floated there on the surface awkwardly with no shelf to put them on. Fitz came to a stop beside me, gave me my moment, and then nudged me to where we would be boarding. I shook it all off and followed behind him, keeping a few memories close instead- Donnie and Seth, Hayward, and Mike Peterson. This was for all of them. Skye and Fitz. I had to keep them safe.

Everything else could wait.

The two of us made our way from the far end of the train to the other, the train already moving by the time we made it to the car Coulson and Simmons were in. We passed by May and Ward and I tried not to pay them any notice. Though it was difficult with that large fur coat she was sporting right now. I found two seat across from one another and took one, glad to have the backpack off my shoulders. "God, did you put bricks in here?"

"That's Skye's bag. You can blame her for that one," he defended himself. He opened his bag and tossed me a Pop Tart. "I packed mine with much more useful items for sure."

"You're the best," I reminded him as he pulled out a bag of his own, laughing as the two of us tapped them together before we tucked in. I drastically lowered my voice for the next statement, leaning forward. "That conductor was headed this way when we passed him. We'll have to snatch his keys when he comes by so we can get in the back."

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed. We both stayed in close proximity for another moment before I pulled back, clearing my throat a bit and taking another bite to bury anything I might just blurt out in the moment. He leaned back as well, considering me. "Are you alright? You seemed to have a moment back there before we got on the train."

"Just some feelings. No memories though. And nothing I have time to focus on right now," I added, nodding towards where the conductor had entered our car. It was almost go time.

Fitz nodded, finishing his Pop Tart with a giant bite and burying the wrapper in his bag. "So are we British or American?"

I finished my last bite as well, swallowing before dialing into Fitz's speaking pattern and tone. I knew it so well it barely took any time at all. "So are we British or American?" I repeated in my best Scottish accent, and his jaw dropped just a bit. "No good?"

"Quite good actually," he disagreed. "Very good. How… where did you learn that?"

The conductor was almost to our seats now. I shrugged, rising. "I don't know. Listening to you I suppose. Lord knows you talk enough."

"Well, you talk quite enough as well," he shot back, affecting an American accent that was actually pretty impressive as well. I gave him a nod of approval. "I used to watch a lot of American TV growing up. Some of it's quite good. Lots of nice teeth."

"I wouldn't know." I tapped my head to prove my point.

He just looked over his shoulder at the conductor. "I'll show you sometime."

"It's a date." I instantly realized the phrasing of my words and my hands went to my mouth. I felt a blush creep into my cheeks despite myself as I watched Fitz's head whip back in my direction with wide eyes. Oh no. Abort. Abort. "I mean- "

"Can I help you two?" the conductor, a kindly looking older man with tan skin and a warm smile cut in. The keys we needed sat clipped to his left pocket, within easy reach if one of us got close enough. My standing must have brought him over here.

Fitz stood too quick as a shot and the both us launched into sentences at the exact same time.

"Yes, you see we're looking for somewhere to sightsee in the next town over."

"Yes, you see we're looking for someplace to stay once we get off the train."

We both froze as soon as we realized what the other was saying. I was talking in my Scottish accent… and Fitz had taken on his American one. And I'm pretty sure from the way the conductor was looking at us that we both must have sounded a bit ridiculous.

"Well- "

"I mean- "

"You see- "Stop talking Fitz. Let me handle this.

"It's just- "

"Honey," I tried, but he didn't seem to take the hint. He just let his mouth keep running and now he was talking in a Scottish accent again.

"As I was saying- "

I did the first thing that came to mind. I grabbed his head and turned it before I launched myself in his direction, quickly placing my mouth over his in a quick peck. I barely even had time to register his lips before I pulled back, taking a second before my mind realized what I had just done. I quickly dropped the hand from his cheek like it had burned me, pulling them both back so they were hovering next to my head.

What had I just done?

What the hell had I just done?

I didn't have a moment to reflect though, gaze instantly pulled back to the conductor staring at us. I couldn't blow this. The team was counting on me.

"Umm… young love?" I shrugged. "He's a dork, but he's my dork." I turned to look at Fitz, thrown off a minute by the sheer look of shock on his face. He still hadn't turned his head back and his eyes looked dangerously close to popping out of his head. "Yep, my dork."

"I can see that," the conductor finally spoke, glancing between the two of us a moment. "Now, if you'll excuse me- "

Time for Plan B. He tried to step around us, but I pretended to fall forward and crashed into him. "Sorry. I'm not used to getting bounced around like this." I quickly snagged the keys, holding them out behind my back. Fitz seemed to gain enough sense to grab them from me as I pulled back. "I'm so sorry." I quickly realized I had just gone American and mentally kicked myself.

"It's fine," he dismissed me, clearly done with the two of us. Which did us a service, because he was so quick to get away from us that he never even considered the keys that should be in his pocket. I grabbed my bag from the floor.

"Let's go."

He pulled himself together enough to follow me, though we made our way through the few cars in complete silence. And now the comfortable kind. No, it was straight up awkward. I had no clue what to say. No idea how to even begin explaining what had just happened. It had honestly just been instinct, weird as that sounded. The easiest way to solve the problem. I hadn't even had the chance to enjoy it. I felt like it barely even counted as a kiss as it stood. I tried to think back on his reaction, but I had no frame of reference to know what was going through his head.

Maybe he hated it.

Okay, maybe just play it off. That could work. Act like it was just part of the act and it wasn't an impulse built on real feelings. I waited until I had unlocked the door to the luggage compartment, spotting a table to set my pack on. "So, Skye will be here in five minutes." Silence. "By the way, I was just… that was just… it was part of the act. Since we were pretending to be a couple and all that."

I instantly regretted the words the way his face fell, mentally kicking himself. "Yeah. Of course it was." He dropped his own bag and began rooting through it, pulling various electronic components out. "I was just playing along. I knew the whole time."

Oh no. I had somehow made this worse. Oh no. How could I fix this? What could I do? "It's just… I seemed to lose you for a moment back there. I just worried you thought I meant that as, like, a real deal kind of thing."

He shook his head, still buried his work and clearly closing himself off from me. "No. I got the intent since it was pretty much like kissing my grandmother."

My voice instantly sobered, upset that he was clearly upset. Playing it off certainly wasn't working. There had to be something I could do. Something I could say to make everything I was going through more real to him. That maybe that kiss hadn't quite meant anything, but I myself did. We didn't usually have disconnects like this. "Lee…"

He looked up at me and I just decided to let my actions speak for me, because my mouth certainly wasn't doing the trick. I took the few steps forward quick as I could, hands going to grip either side of his face possessively. This time I pressed my lips to his with all the force I could muster- putting everything that had building since the moment we met into where we connected. I let my head tilt slightly to the side to what seemed like the right way to fit together and stayed there a long moment savoring it before pulling back to look at him as I realized nothing was happening on his part, my hands getting scratched by his scruff as I adjusted them a bit in a way that sent shivers down my spine.

My eyes met his and I swear the entire world stopped as we stayed locked on to one another. I did everything in my power to convey how real what had just happened was- that my heart was now beating completely off time and my face was flushing just a touch. I just waited for something, anything. It felt like a buzz of electricity was building in the air to the point I could almost faintly hear it. Come on. The slightest twitch in the jaw or the straining of his neck. Some clue as to what was going through his head right now. Because the one time I was having trouble reading him was the one moment I would have given everything to know.

I hadn't expected him to close the distance once again, this time locking his lips over mine as his hands coiled their way under my arms and around my back- sending even more intense shivers down it as his hands grabbed fistfuls of my shirt. Or the force to be enough to make me take a few steps backwards so my back knocked into one of the rails of the luggage racks. But my brain instantly overrode the small surge of pain with the sheer ecstasy of what was happening as his mouth moved against mine, giving me back almost more emotion than what I had just given him.

Every nerve in my body was on fire as I got enough sense to move my lips against his, trying to match his intensity as my hands grabbed the short hair at the back of his head. He let out a small muffled groan and I swear I must have burst into flames the way my stomach flipped at the noise. It was deep and messy and not at all the moment I had pictured.

But I was on fire… and I was loving every moment of it.

Finally, unfortunately, both of us needed oxygen. It seemed to be a game of who could make it the longest, but finally I pulled back to rest my head against the bar my back was resting on. My hands slid to his shoulders, but his remained wrapped tightly around my back possessively. My eyes met his and I almost fell over with how much they sparkled. The grin plastered on his face was enough to make me fall for him all over again, almost in disbelief but clear that if this was a dream it was a very good one. His face was flushed and he was panting almost as much as I was.

"Let's see you grandmother kiss you like that," I managed, voice coming out a bit more growling than I intended despite the whisper.

He smirked, in a way that made me internally swoon, and then moved closer again, but we both became distracted by the sound of the door being forced open to this car. He tilted his head back in almost frustration. "Skye…"

I smiled gently, knowing it was time to get back to our scheduling program. Still, I quickly pecked him on the lips, similar to the first one on the train but with a bit more feeling behind it. "Later," I promised, my hands falling from his shoulders.

His hands dislodged from behind with some effort and he made his way back to the table just in time for Skye to come barreling in. She passed off my backpack to where I was still rooted, Cheesetauri giving a happy squeak at the sight of me. "You guys aren't already set up?" she questioned, going through her bag and pulling out her laptop.

We both glanced at each other, and I cleared my throat. "The… um… the door took longer to open than we would have liked."

"Yes," Fitz agreed a little too quickly. "Yes. That it did." Skye seemed to instantly pick up on things and looked at me and him for a moment before her eyes widened and she went to probably let out a cry of joy. I put my fingers to my mouth and worded later to her. She nodded enthusiastically and went back to pulling her supplies out of her bag. Fitz then looked over his shoulder in concern but I silently waved him off, closing the distance so I stood behind the both of them.

"Didn't you have a device that could have broken the lock though?" Skye questioned, clearly enjoying her role in making the two of us uncomfortable. Looks like someone else was the babysitter now. "Didn't have to spend that much time flailing around with the keys."

"Yes," Fitz answered in a measured voice, clearly trying to think of something on the spot. "But I wanted to see Ashleigh in action getting those keys. She was just so excited and all that to be undercover. I wanted to give her a moment besides just keeping an eye on us." God, he was adorable. "Plus, I'm always the gadget guy. Maybe sometimes I want to do things with my bare hands."

"You make the gadgets with your bare hands," Skye countered, clearly loving every moment of this. I just gave her a sharp look as Fitz sputtered a bit, my hand going to his shoulder to anchor him. Skye laughed. "Don't worry. Ashleigh will give me all the dirty details later. Because I expect them all." Fitz almost turned red before our eyes, but Skye quickly flipped a switch on the console before he could react. "Coms are live. Coulson, Simmons, are you in position?"

" _Yes. Just waiting on May's signal,_ " he answered. I turned to where Fitz was already looking through the security cameras scattered around the train. I brought my head next to his, scanning as well. And there was nothing awkward about sharing this space like I might have feared. We both had our heads in a very different space than before and focused on what needed to be accomplished right now.

"There!" I pointed my finger at the screen, recognizing the head of security pretty easily. "He's making his way towards their car."

Fitz switched on his comm. "He's headed your way." I pulled my head back, tapping my fingers on the chair impatiently. It was kind of hard just to be on the sidelines right now with half my team risking their necks out there, but Coulson knew what he was doing. I would do whatever was needed for this to go off without a hitch, even if it meant hiding safely in the luggage car.

"How's she going to tag him?" Skye asked, watching on the feed as Simmons crashed into the man we had been following- jar of dirt she was weirdly carrying with her scattering all over the carpet.

"His footsteps," Fitz explained proudly. "Once he steps through what she spilled they'll show up clear as day in May's scans so she can follow them. She's been working on it for a week in the lab."

"Wow," Skye complimented. "I don't know how she thought of that."

"Our Simmons is quite the genius," I agreed. Despite some of our differences, none of my affinity for the scientist had faded. She was just as much family as the rest of the team was, even though she was the one who had qualms about my coming from the future and what that meant. She was just being protective. I could understand that better than anything.

" _May, coming your way,_ " Coulson's voice suddenly came through. Fitz began typing away, switching the view to a black screen.

" _Copy that,_ " May stated. The screen flipped to the inside of the train presented in different shades of green, yellow, and red. Sure enough, green footprints clear as day made their way through the cars. The camera started to move in the same direction they did. " _Following the target to the package._ "

"We see what you see, May," I informed her, watching her jump from one car to another and continue her trek. She must have been on top of the train right now, a feat that quite frankly I should have expected from her but was kind of blowing my mind. I was convinced there was nothing she couldn't do at this point. "You're going to have to teach me this."

" _We'll see,_ " was the answer I received, but it was as close to a yes as I was ever going to get. So I will take that for sure.

"All right, May," Fitz coached her. "Cybertek cases are usually lined with tungsten polymer to prevent scanning. It should appear black on your infrared."

May continued moving, only to come to a stop as a large black box appeared in a corner of her vision. She turned her head to focus on it, shape clear as day. " _Bingo. Eyes on the package, fourth seat from the back."_

We sat for a moment in comfortable silence when the PA sounded from a speaker behind us. It started first in Italian before changing to English. " _As we round the bend, the passengers on the North side of the train can taking in the views of the famous Tre cime di Lavaredo."_

"I wish we had more time to take in the scenery," Fitz pouted wistfully. "Three peaks of Lavaredo… supposed to be stunning."

I patted his shoulder. "Ah, I'll take you back some day. When I get that money S.H.I.E.L.D. might or might not be paying me."

Fitz beamed up at me, hand reaching up to clasp mine, touch sending a few stray sparks between us. But my attention turned to Skye, who was staring at the case with a suddenly sober expression. She caught me looking and nodded towards it. "Any chance what's in there could be an 0-84?"

I shrugged, but Fitz answered pretty frankly. "This? No. We may not know what it is, but we do know that it came from Cybertek."

"Right," I recalled. "It has a known origin." Unlike Skye. Unlike myself.

"And the one we found in Peru was a machine, but they don't have to be, right?" Skye inquired. I could see where she was going with this and worried the answers she was going to find. This was probing and searching without giving the full context.

Fitz seemed oblivious though. "No. No. I've read about all kinds… weapons. Spacecraft, energy sources. I suppose the only thing they really do have in common is that they're dangerous."

Skye's face fell a bit, just as I expected. "But you never know," I tried to interject. "There's still a lot out there that we just don't know about. Right Lee?"

He seemed to register something in my voice, finally turning and noticing just how still Skye seemed. His next sentence took on a much more comforting tone. "Hey, whatever this package turns out to be, we'll deal with it, like we always do." His hand squeezed mine tight. "We've faced worse and made it through."

"Fitz, have you ever heard of an 0-84… being a person?"

I tried to get in there, but Fitz was too quick to answer. "No. Although I… I suppose it's possible. Hate to meet the guy."

Recover this. Recover this. "But in a lot of ways I'm like an 0-84. We have no clue where I came from really… except the future. And all things considered, my life doesn't seem to suck too bad. It's crazy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Point taken," he agreed, and I looked to see Skye give me just the hint of a smile. But then the sound of static became abundantly clear from the com system.

"Whoa," Fitz noticed the screen with May's infrared was now black. "May's goggles are offline. When did that happen?"

The two of them started typing while I started talking. "May, do you copy? May?"

"All coms and phones are dead," Skye informed us. "Someone's using some sort of electronic scrambler."

We all instantly realized what that meant. "Cybertek knows we're here," Fitz voiced what we were all thinking. A pit quickly formed in my stomach. Only three of the seven of us were back here… and we had no way of reaching the others.

"We have to warn our team," Skye rose to her feet. I put a hand up.

"I'll go. You both stay here and try to get thing back up and-"

I was cut off by the sound of a gunshot, quickly scrambling to the ground under the table as several more followed. Fitz ducked to one side of the luggage and Skye the other as a man in a suit entered the compartment with his weapon drawn. "Shit," I cursed, pushing against the wall to make his shot harder as he aimed for me.

Fitz peeked out around his corner and fired the night-night gun at the goon, but he easily dodged the two shots. It did distract him long enough though that Skye pushed one of the crates lying around into him before attempting to disarm him. I took this as my cue too and scrambled out from under the table, hopping on the box to get a clear kick at the guy's face as Skye sent the gun tumbling to the ground.

She dived for it and he went to stop her, but I got in the way enough to jump on him. I only managed to hold on for a moment though before I found myself being thrown into the luggage racks once again. This time was much less hot though.

Fitz had entered the fray now, tackling the guy and sending him into the rack opposite of me, but he was quickly overpowered and despite putting up quite the fight received a punch to the jaw that sent him straight to the ground. "Lee!" I shouted, rising to my feet as quickly as they'd allow- already thinking of my next move. Maybe a solid punch to his temple followed by sticking my finger in his eyes. Unorthodox, but it would do the trick.

Skye had the gun by this point now though, and held it right at the goon. He was forced to take a few steps back until he was right next to me, and I gave a sigh of relief as Fitz rose to stand next to Skye. He seemed to be reeling a bit, but he was ultimately alright. The goon didn't seem upset though, reaching into his coat and pulling out some sort of pulsing blue device.

"We've been made!" Simmons rushed into the compartment, causing everyone to turn to her. The goon instantly latched his attention onto her and she quickly identified the situation we were in. "Oh, bloody hell."

"Jemma!" He took the step towards her, but I was there first- shoving him as hard as I could into the rack. The device dropped into the space between us, and suddenly a cloud of blue mist appeared.

The first thing I was aware of after that was the sound of voices talking in concern. And then my mind registered that the bomb or device must have malfunctioned, though it had enough force to knock me to the floor. So I sprung up to my feet as athletically as I could, charging the first shape I could make out. "Everyone get out!" I shouted, desperate to get my team to safety.

The figure quickly ducked my blow and clutched both my hands, preventing me from moving in a way that was almost familiar. "Crawford, stop!" I knew that voice anywhere.

"Ash!"

I paused, taking a moment to reorient myself and look around the car. The man who had broken into our car had vanished completely somehow in just a moment, replaced now with the worried faces of Coulson, Ward, and May who had me in the vice grip. They had come from the other direction it seemed. How did I get so turned around? How had they managed to get here so fast… and in different clothes too?

My eyes quickly found Fitz beside me, worry clear on his face. But the addition to this room also made me painfully aware of who was suddenly missing as if they had gone up in smoke. I pulled my hands back from May, apologizing silently for my mistake, before casting another glance around the car to make sure I wasn't losing my mind. "Where… what… where are Simmons and Skye?"

"They went after Quinn," Fitz explained, it seemed as much to me as the others. "They saw the box being unloaded once the train stopped and Skye convinced Simmons they needed to follow him. They have a tracker with them though, so we can follow them."

"Let's get moving then," Coulson ordered, giving me the impression it had been quite the long day for our fearless leader.

Something was off. Like really off. Because it seemed like I had missed a lot despite being in this car the whole time. "Lee, what the hell happened to me?"

"The device that activated between you two… it was an airborne form of the dendrotoxin. It put you both into some sort of black sleep, eyes open and everything."

"That's why it doesn't feel like any time's passed?" He nodded. "Can I just say this feels super trippy?"

"Come one Crawford," Ward gestured towards the exit. "I know you're still getting your bearings, but we need to move so we can get to Skye and Simmons."

"Absolutely," I agreed, making my way out the car door and into the dirt where several S.H.I.E.L.D. cars appeared to be waiting. The train must have stopped sometime while I was out, though we appeared to be in the middle of nowhere rather than any sort of stop. Ward led us to one of the cars and ushered for both of us to climb in, May and Coulson already starting theirs.

"I can't believe you let her go," Ward growled, upset as he sprayed dirt into the air from the tires peeling away from the train so fast. "You shouldn't have let her follow him."

"Hey! I tried, okay?!' Fitz shouted from the back seat. "I told her we needed to wait until the rest of you got here. That we weren't in a good position to go after them. But she was convinced we were all that was left- that we couldn't let Quinn get away again. You know how single-minded she's been about this whole thing. She was even convincing enough that Simmons followed her."

"He's right Ward," I cut in, knowing this bickering wasn't going to help anyone. Ward was clearly taking his worry out on the wrong person. "I don't know if anyone could have stopped her at that point. There's no sense in finding someone to blame except me."

"You?" they both asked in confusion at the same moment.

I nodded. Part of this honestly was a ploy to get them to stop arguing, but most of the guilt was already resting on my shoulders. "Coulson ordered me to keep an eye on her. He knew she might try to do something like this, and I was supposed to be the one who stopped her before she did anything reckless. But I had to go and get myself taken out so I was down for the count." I had failed pretty much everyone. There went Ashleigh Crawford down for the count again. I had to be the most useless Agent there was at this point.

"Let me remind you Ash, that having no clue what that thing did you still tackled that guy and made sure the rest of us would be safe. You're a bloody hero who did her damn best to save all of us like usual… once again with no thought about yourself."

"And what did you do Fitz?" Ward snapped, leaving me completely alone. "The two of them went in alone while you hung back once again."

"Okay, Ward," I snapped, eyes narrowing, "I get you're hurting, but now you're just being a jackass."

"I'm just saying what kind of guy once he realizes he can't stop them just sits back and lets them go- even if he doesn't agree with them?"

I almost sat up, ready to say something, when Fitz held me back by placing an arm across me. He stared down Ward through the rearview mirror, exhibiting a rare form of calm fury I'd never seen on him before. "You're right. I hung back and let them go. But is wasn't me pitching a fit that they refused to stay like I suggested. No. It was because I wasn't leaving Ash alone in that car with no way of protecting herself." My heart skipped a beat at his words, instantly turning towards him. He met my gaze and his voice instantly softened again. "After all that's happened, I'm never leaving her alone again if I can help it."

"Lee…"

"And maybe you'll mock my feelings on that one, say it made me weak, so allow me to follow it up with logical fact. It was dangerous to leave Ash alone. She is still someone from the future with a lot of memories we have no clue about locked in her head. The Clairvoyant took her once before, and something tells me they'd be keen to do it again considering they got nothing from her. So I couldn't leave her alone because it could jeopardize the entire future, and I tried to tell the others that. But they wouldn't listen."

Ward remained silent after that, stewing it seemed. And Fitz seemed to have no more to say, anger quickly petering out in favor of bouncing his leg up and down nervously as we sped in the direction of the tracker. Trying to calm him, I gently placed a hand over one of his knees- instantly having it covered by a hand of his own.

We soon arrived at a gated white mansion that towered over lovely gardens in front of it, cars waiting in the driveway for what must have been a planned getaway. Ward turned to the two of us as he loaded his gun. "Stay here."

"Not on your life," I disagreed. Skye and Simmons were in there and might need our help.

"The at least stay behind me," he sighed, clearly not in the mood. Gunfire echoed from one of the windows, drawing the attention of the driver and guards outside, giving Ward the perfect opening to run in and take them out with his usual efficiency. I just followed right behind him with Fitz bringing up the rear, making sure to keep myself out of harm's way. May and Coulson pulled up behind us and exited their car, but Ward had already dispatched with everyone outside. The man was on a mission and handling it with cold-blooded efficiency.

He nodded at Coulson and made his way to the front while Coulson started around the back with May. We took the steps two at a time before coming to a halt at the large front wooden double doors. "Stay here until the coast is clear," he barked, this time clearly an order we were going to be following.

"Okay," I agreed, knowing there was no time to fight. "Just… be careful."

He just threw the door open, two night-night guns at the ready, and the sound of gunfire quickly followed. It had to be close to a dozen shots before it stopped, and I didn't waste a beat in ducking around the door and entering myself.

It was a sprawling entryway like out of a movie, complete with winding staircase and a potted plant on a table in the center. Simmons was crouched in a corner of the checkerboard floor and Fitz and I instantly made our way over to her as Coulson slammed Quinn himself onto the table with Ward's assistance.

"Jemma, are you okay?" Fitz asked, clearly panicked. She nodded.

"Skye went in here alone and told me to keep look-out and try to find out what was going on, but I'm afraid I was quite easily spotted on the grounds." She pulled herself together and allowed the two of us to help her up. "I shudder to think what might have happened if you hadn't arrived."

"Well, we did," I offered kindly, pulling her into a quick hug. She paused a bit, but then reciprocated warmly. "The cavalry's here… and so is the rest of the team."

"Where's Skye?" Coulson's voice quickly cut into our reunion and I turned to see he had a gun pointed upwards into Quinn's jaw. And it definitely didn't look like a night-night pistol. Ward held him steady from behind and both of them looked unbelievably pissed.

Quinn just looked smug as ever, the bastard. "You know, Agent Coulson, it's dangerous to keep sending her in like that… all alone…especially when she means just as much to you as that one." My blood went cold as he nodded in my direction. "Oh, the things we have planned for you."

Coulson silenced him with an uppercut to the jaw, sending him reeling enough to get slammed back down onto the table with more force than probably necessary. "Search the house," he ordered all of us. Fitz-Simmons started upstairs without pause. "Find her! Now!" I shook my fear off and instantly focused in on our frantic search. Ian Quinn being creepy could be worked out later. Skye needed me now. I went to follow Fitz-Simmons, but halted and then went the direction Coulson and Ward did- around where the commotion had been coming from. They split off down separate hallways and I took a third, coming to a halt as the sound of shouting almost below me.

"Simmons! Get down here!" I instantly turned on my heel and ran back the way I had come, meeting up with Ward as we led the charge down a set of stairs Coulson had disappeared down. We followed them through a thick wooden door to what looked to be cellar, judging from rock wall and barrels scattered about the room.

What I saw next instantly brought tears to my eyes, hand going to my mouth. Coulson was clutching Skye around her shoulders where she sat slumped against a wall just beside the door. She was practically white and blood was dried on her lips. But that was nothing compared to the white shirt we had picked out now being completely stained crimson. It was enough to hit me with such force I fell to my knees beside Coulson, trembling in fear.

She couldn't be. She just couldn't be.

Simmons came around the other side and the others had appeared now as well, but I couldn't really focus on them at all. All I could see was Skye, one of my best friends, lying in a pool of her own blood. My hand reached out and clutched the one at her side. "Oh God," Simmons muttered as she took the scene in.

"She's been shot," Coulson stated, clearly reeling himself.

"Keep her upright," Simmons stated, looking her face over frantically.

"I've got no pulse," I commented from where I had been feeling her wrist, devastated that such a sentence had to be said.

Simmons could clearly see that herself and was desperately fumbling. "Uh… she's lost too much blood. I don't…" But then she seemed to spot something that returned every bit of her confidence. "Put her in there."

I turned to see the one thing that would have been really out of place in the room if there hadn't been a dying Skye. It was some sort of tube lying horizontally with a table attached. In some ways, it looked like the memory machine, but this one appeared to be able to seal all the way and contain someone inside.

"Do you know what this thing is?" Ward questioned harshly.

Simmons took none of it though, meeting his ferocity. "It's a hyperbaric chamber, and I said put her in there now!" Everyone paused a moment, which clearly wasn't fast enough. "Now!"

"Okay," May agreed, and we all pitched in together to lift Skye off the ground with ease and mover her quickly over to the gurney table that was sticking out one end. Voices all fell in on top of one another as we pushed each other to continue, working as a team completely in sync to move her across the room and gently set her down on the gurney. As I pulled my hands away I couldn't help but notice they were nearly stained completely red.

"I need to get her temperature down. Fitz." She and Fitz ran around to the controls while I helped Ward push the gurney into the tube of the machine, May and Coulson right behind us to close the large door and seal her in. All of us hovered over the glass, staring down at her. I had to keep wiping my eyes from the tears that threatened to blind me, breaths becoming gasping with worry.

"Temperature's driving," Fitz stated. "Pressure stabilizing." We all continued to look through the glass, but nothing seemed to be happening. Was something supposed to happen?

"Is it working?" May spoke for all of us. Neither of them answered.

"Is it working?!" Coulson repeated more aggressively.

Just at that moment though, Skye took a breath from inside the tube, air fogging up the glass. I let out a huff of joy, bloody hand touching the glass next to her head- showing her in some silly way that I was there.

"For now," Simmons warned us. "Sir, I feel I also have to let you know… Mike Peterson was here."

All our heads turned at once. "What? He's- "

"I thought so too," she agreed. "But I saw him. He's here… or he was at this point. He seemed to be… working with them."

We could deal with that later though. Right now, saving Skye was all the mattered in my opinion. The next mission could wait until we were all safe and sound and more importantly together again. And Coulson seemed to agree judging by how fast he got the chamber transported from the cellar to the Bus. We received word on the silent drive back that there was no sign of Mike Peterson on the premises, but something had indeed seemed to go down judging by all the bodies in the living area. In addition, Quinn had been secured in our Interrogation Room for when we were ready to visit him.

I had a couple of fists I was looking forward to him meeting.

We were all clearly dealing with our shock and grief, most of us just staring out into space the entire drive back. The thought of losing Skye… it was petrifying. She was as much a member of this team as any of us and… it felt like we could each lose a piece of ourselves. I kept finding myself almost ready to break down crying, staring down at Cheesetauri in his ball. Trying to ignore how red my hands were. And that was when I noticed a spot of faded red on my new shoes. Forever there to haunt me.

By the time we arrived back on the Bus, Skye's chamber had been placed in the lab. Simmons had been the only one to go with her and was running this way and that with various supplies and documents. Everyone entered the lab, but Fitz grabbed my wrist and halted me on the cargo ramp.

I turned to him and neither of us said a word before I crashed into him for a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around me as well, kissing my forehead without hesitation before resting his chin over the top of it. I took a deep breath, breathing in the smell that was just so completely him. Under any other condition it might be enough to calm me down completely, but now it at the very least allowed me a moment. A moment to seek comfort from the person who I wanted it from the most.

I took a deep breath before taking a step back, letting my hands fall to my sides. He did the same, both of us never losing eye contact though. I cleared my throat. "There'll be time for this. Right now, they need us more. We're doing okay but they're not Simmons needs you and I think I can take Ward."

He nodded with clear fondness in his eyes, silently agreeing with me. "When this is all over… when she's okay… I'm taking you out on a real date."

I couldn't help smile, watery as it may be. "I can't wait." With that, he kissed me quickly as a form of sealing our promise before the two of us stepped into the lab to join the others. Simmons looked like she had just been about to give everyone report, trembling despite herself. She was trying to seem calm, but her real emotions were certainly threatening to bubble over. "Her core temperature's hovering around forty-four degrees Fahrenheit. If we don't bring her back up to temp in the next few hours, she could sustain permanent brain damage."

Skye.

"We need to get her to a medical facility and fast. Until then, I'll do everything in my power to keep her alive." She sounded completely disconnected now, like a bomb about ready to explode. "Excuse me." With that, she went to step into the back hallway away from all of us. Fitz instantly followed after squeezing my hand one last time.

I turned my attention to Ward, whose steely silence this entire time was clearly hiding a lot of deeper emotions. Skye was so much more than his trainee and it was clear as day if anyone paid attention. He made his way out onto the cargo ramp and I followed, weirdly seeing May of all people move to follow before halting as seeing me do so.

He let out a grunt of frustration and punched a car, stretching out over the hood in anger. I cooled him down the only way I knew how, wrapping my arms around his torso behind him for a hug. He didn't pull away at all surprisingly, instead stilling and taking a deep breath. "She never should have gone in there alone."

"It wasn't your fault," I told both him and in a lot of ways myself. He rose and turned a bit, gently moving my hands away.

"I wasn't blaming myself." I followed his gaze through the lab doors to where Coulson stood staring down at Skye through the glass. I let out a deep, tired sigh. Ward was upset. There was no way I was going to be able to convince him otherwise at this moment. I just needed to wait this out and help him feel better. And for Ward there was only one thing I could think of.

I linked my arm through his. "Let's go get a drink."

We went to the bar and I only left him once May had joined a few drinks in for him. We had kept mostly silent, just taking comfort from company. I think it was the only way Ward knew how to. Soon after May arrived I made my way back down to where Skye was though, setting up a stool in front of the chamber, now washed hand pressing against the glass.

"Hey. When you wake up- every dirty detail. I promise."

Soon Simmons entered and began wandering about her side of the lab, looking to at least be in somewhat better shape than before. Looks like Fitz had done it. "You didn't have to save me back there… in the train compartment. Take that dendrotoxin for me."

I gave her a look like she was crazy. "Of course I did." There was another long stretch of silence as she seemed to be trying to figure out how to best say something.

"I have my issues with the whole affair… but if he wants it to be you then it should be. And you were right. You are a person. So if you want it to be him… then I suppose everything works out." She looked down at some papers, flipping through them absently. "He smiles a lot more when you're around after all."

"You'll always be his best friend."

"Oh, I know that. We'll always have science and our days at the Academy and our adventures here. But now he'll also have you- whatever- whoever you may be."

"Thanks Simmons."

"Just… try to be less reckless in the future. Because if you end up doing something stupid and hurt him… well then you'll have myself and my chemicals to answer to. Do I make myself clear?"

I smiled up at her, tired as it may be. "Crystal."

She kept mostly to her side of the lab after that, even when Fitz came down and took a spot next to me. I couldn't help but chuckle and look up at him. "I guess you meant it when you said you weren't going to be leaving me alone."

"You're bloody right I was." He pulled up his own stool and took a seat right beside me, hand resting casually on my knee like it was nothing at all.

"You're in for a rude surprise then. Because the frizz on this hair when I get out of the shower… yikes." I leaned so my head was resting on top of his shoulder.

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind." And somehow, despite the fear and panic that had my heart firmly clenched with no sign of letting go, just having him by my side was enough to send a spark through me to burn some of that away. There was never going to be a perfect time, so I just had to enjoy every moment that I could of him and the warmth he just sent through me. Of his strength and its ability to keep me going even in the darkest scenarios. That maybe now this was going to become the norm. That not much would change but it would all somehow mean that much more. That maybe now finally I was his and he was mine.

Skye was going to absolutely lose her mind when she woke up.

XXX

 _And there we have it. A moment a lot of people have been waiting for... Ashleigh getting her new shoes. Kidding. Kidding. I hope you all enjoyed it because this next stretch turns into quite the roller coaster as we know. I know it's been a long time, so thank you all for your patience and support. I hope the wait was worth it. I wanted to get it just perfect and hopefully am now in a space where updates can be more regular for future installments. I have some exciting things planned and look forward to sharing them with all of you. Especially now as Ashleigh is about to meet Garrett and dear Trip._

 _Thank you to all those who put this story on alert. I hope to be sending you an e-mail more frequently in the days to come. So thank you Crowned Soul, dalekchung, phoenixmoon25572, wendywithabluebox, ajriser, pocketdictator, Erudessa-gabrielle, .Twitch, Luckygirl1013, camster540, tommoisexy15, angel'slittledemon, GrlLama, ashellineaisha, DancingWithAngelsAndDemons, PonchoV, Elaine06, waywardlottie, Lauraaa9889, patamon642, AddaBlack94, mhdream, iwillforeverbeanerd (me too), BitterSweet256, Theresa5155, Littlemissheadphones, Sengen, screwtherulesihavegreenhair, Hard 2 Be Me, cailincarnell, royalteas, Pigless09, Agent of Hydra (Gasp!), ElfinCleona, Mizuki-the-dead, xDaughterOfThanatosx, Jacksmum23, JayMars, Down2earth360, Kullken, Emmuyasha, Em-x. everlasting, killy.k09, and OhBeClever._

 _Thank you to everyone who considers this story a favorite for such a great honor amongst giants. It continues to astound me how much this number grows. Thank you Crowned Soul, dalekchung, Lord-Disick, ajriser, DarkPrincess27, Erudessa-gabrielle, Luckygirl1013, isdagger, tommoisexy15, GrlLama, ashellineaisha, PonchoV, waywardlottie, patamon642, AddaBlack94, BitterSweet256, theresa5155, Sengen, Hard 2 Be Me, caitlincarnell, Pigless09, Agent of Hydra, Jacksmum23, Ghost 5926, monkeyharmony, JayMars, Emmuyasha, Em-x. everlasting, and killy.k09._

 _And thank you to my reviewers- the troopers who always make me feel the feels. I look forward to much freaking out from all of you . Thank you YoullBeAvenged, LeopardFeather, MiaR, BlackDove WhiteDove, GiraffePanda2, Guest, Andy Hearter, Guest, Erudessa-gabrielle, NessieBooEvans, Bittersweet256, Sengen, Pigless09, Guest, and of course my good friend eckles._

 _And now, onto the next episode. Time for some blue aliens._


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